Wooo! Chapter 45! This is awesome! You guys are awesome! Enjoy! Also just wanted to say Happy Summer guys! Thanks for all the patience you guys have had!
Change in Rhythm:
Kendall went home that Tuesday night a little earlier than what she normally did. At least that's what she thought because she didn't listen to music as long as she normally would or play as long either. Once she got back to her house she usually went either to her downstairs bathroom, where the nightmare occurred, or in her dance room, just sitting on the floor leaning against the wall. That night it was the dance room. She didn't sleep much, not that she ever did, nor did she eat much. Linnie would come to check on her but knew her sister wouldn't go to therapy and even if she forced her, she wouldn't talk. Wednesday was rather the same, maybe a bit longer in the sense Kendall spent at the place. She still ignored the voice, though. Which bothered her, but she wasn't going to give up on Kendall, not ever.
Thursday came, and it was Thanksgiving. Everybody had different plans in what they did. The Buttowski's spent it with the Magnuson family of course, and even involved Jackie's and Mouth's family along. Honey had called Linnie to see how Kendall was and invited them to visit as well. However, Linnie was going to spend Thanksgiving with her own family on her mom's side, and was even going to try and see if Kendall would come. But, in the back of her mind she knew wouldn't come. Kick, Jackie, Gunther, Brianna, Mouth, and Kyle couldn't help but think about Kendall during their dinner, but they tried to remain festive during the holiday. Dante and Eli's family celebrated with Loraina's family, while Nicolette was visited from both sides of her family having a huge family gathering. Ramia had something similar to Nicolette's family gathering and even invited André's family. They all thought about Kendall, but tried to stay preoccupied and spirited with their families and friends.
Kendall had spent Thanksgiving alone, not that she really noticed. She hadn't even realized what day it was until Linnie came and asked if she wanted to be with the family. But she didn't go, and Linnie said she be back later or the next day, depending on how Uncle Max would be. He's a big talker, especially when he's drunk and will just talk your ear off. Not to mention you can't really leave when he's is talking because he is the type who will find it rude if you do so. But Linnie was going to bring her food so she could have a Thanksgiving as well. Not that it mattered to Kendall. The day was getting late and Kendall had already returned home. She was sitting on the floor in her dance room, listening to music.
"Kendall…" Someone tapped on the archway of the room. Kendall glanced over, it was Linnie. "I brought you some food… there's turkey, mash potatoes, gravy, green bean casserole, aunty's broccoli and cheese, asparagus, and a few dessert items…" Kendall just nodded. "Everyone was asking how you were…" Kendall didn't say anything. "Um….you know ah….Mrs. Buttowski called, your friends really miss you. In fact um… they invited us over tonight too…" Linnie was just talking now, her sister was still gone and she felt sad about it. "You know um... I'm…I'm just going to go put the food away and you can warm it up and eat it anytime." Linnie went to the kitchen. Kendall now was looking down, she refocused on the music.
(**)
It was now Friday and Kendall was able to go to her place. She laid on the floor listening to her music, this time not thinking about the lyrics but about everything again. She was thinking about everything that has been said, everything that's been done, even all that haunts her. It had almost been a mouth since her mother's passing, well in one more day it would be a mouth. It was a bit over four years since the car crash that put her mom in the coma and since her hell started. So much was on her mind right now as she laid on the floor thinking about it.
(*)
"Are you finally going to listen to me or am I going to have to keep yelling at you?" My reflection asked me. I opened my eyes and looked at her. I took a deep breath.
"What?"
"Finally." She spoke. "I'm worried about you!" She paused for a minute. "You seem different…"
"I'm…I'm just tired…" I finally said. "I'm tired of all this. These sad songs…I need…" I tried to think.
"More music that's not so sad?" She asked. I glanced at her.
"Yes." I got up and went to my ipod. I was so tired of feeling sad. I scrolled through changing the song. Another playlist came on with Evanescence Sweet Sacrifice playing. I listened to the lyrics. A few more songs played as I listened and as one ended I glanced over to my ipod. I got up and wanted this song particular song to play. Once it did I looked at myself in the mirror taking off my hood.
Take a breath, take it deep
"Calm yourself" he says to me
"If you play, you play for keeps
Take the gun and count to three"
I'm sweating out, moving slow, no time think, my turn to go
And you can see my heart… beating
You can see it through my chest
Said I'm terrified…but I'm not leaving
I know that I must past this test
So just pull the trigger (trigger, trigger)
I walked closer to the mirror, going on my knees.
Say a prayer to yourself
He says "Close your eyes, sometimes it helps"
Then I get a scary a thought
That he's here… means he's never lost
And you can see my heart… beating
Oh, you can see it through my chest
Said I'm terrified… but I'm not leaving
Know that I must past this test
So just pull the trigger
I got up and placed a hand on the mirror.
As my life flashes before my eyes
I'm wondering will I ever see another sunrise?
So many won't get the chance to say goodbye
But it's too late to think of the value of my life
I had my back against the mirror.
And you can see my heart… beating
Oh, you can see it through my chest
Said I'm terrified… but I'm not leaving
Know that I must past this test
And you can see my heart… beating
Oh, you can see it through my chest
Said I'm terrified… but I'm not leaving
Know that I must past this test
So just pull the trigger (trigger, trigger)
I slumped down letting my head go back.
(*)
Kick had heard the whole song. He looked down, he had just got there and saw her listening to some music then she sang the song.
"Your talent is amazing, but when will you be okay Kendall?" He glanced at her through the small crack between the door and frame. He let out a sigh. He knew she would be safe here so he left to go back home, texting the others that Kendal was at her usual place and was safe.
(*) [small note- ""-is Kendall, ''- Kendall's reflection, Bold-both]
I let out a sigh. I glanced over at the piano, but shook my head. Then I saw the other instruments. I got up and walked over to the cases. I opened one up and took out an electric guitar it had, curiosity got the best of me as I took the wire it had and plugged it into that small amp near the case. I played a few notes finding it wasn't too out of tune but tuned it just right by ear. My ipod was still going and I hadn't noticed. I glanced at the mirror.
"It's funny how music helps…huh?" My reflection spoke. I looked away. "Kendall…you know what…I have an idea, but let's see if you can keep up." I glanced at her.
'I love the way that your heart breaks
With every injustice and deadly fate,
Praying it all be new
And living like it all depends on you, oh'
She sang which I for some reason started to play.
'Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breathe again
And only surrender will help you now
I love you, please see and believe again.'
I glanced at her, it was my turn.
"I love that you're never satisfied
With face value wisdom, and happy lies
You take what you say and go back and cry,
You're so close to me that you nearly died, oh"
'Here you are down on knees again,
Trying to find air to breathe again
And only surrender will help you now
I love you, please see and believe again.
They don't have to understand you'
"Be still…"
'Wait and know I understand you.'
"Be still….Be still"
'Here you are down on knees again,
Trying to find air to breathe again
And only surrender will help you now'
"The floodgates are breaking and pouring out…"
'Here you are down on your knees'
"Ooo"
'Trying to find air to breathe again'
"Ooo"
'Right where I want you to be again
But I love you, please see and believe again
Here you are down on your knees again'
"Ooo"
'Trying to find air to breathe again'
"Ooo"
'Right where I want you to be again, see and believe!'
I finished playing. I glanced at her.
"You played and kept up." She nodded. I looked away again. "Hell you even sang with me, that's good." I had a slight smile and let out a little laugh.
"Well let's see how well you keep up with my playing…" I continued to play songs, mostly ones that I just wanted to play guitar to. It was getting late so I wanted to play one last song. I went to my ipod and switched it to the song then glanced at the mirror.
"Perfect by nature, icons of self-indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that never was
And never will be
'Have you no shame? Don't you see me?
You know you've got everybody fooled.'
I stepped closer to the mirror
"Look, here she comes now,
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh, how we love you
'No flaws when you're pretending'
"But now I know she never was and never will be
You don't know how you betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled"
'Without the mask, where will you hide?
Can't find yourself lost in your lie?'
"I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don't love you anymore.
It never was and never will be
You don't know how you betrayed me
And somehow you got everybody fooled
Never was and never will be
You're not real and you can't save me
And somehow now you're everybody's fool…"
I let out a breath, my hand being on the mirror. I stepped away and went to go get my ipod. I put my hood back on, heading back home.
(**)
On Saturday and Sunday Kendall had done the same thing, playing the guitar to some of her songs on her playlist along, singing along with a few, mostly the same ones she sung to on Friday. It was getting late that Sunday night, but she didn't want to leave to go home yet.
(*)
I held the guitar in my hands, tapping my fingers unsure of what to do.
"You could always keep playing you know." The voice interrupted my own thoughts, not that I really had any. "You're good at music and it seems to be helping." I glanced at the mirror to see her have a small smile towards me. I thought for a few more seconds before going to my ipod and changing the song. I started to play.
"She lives in a fairytale
Somewhere too far for us to find
Forgotten the taste and smell of the world she's left behind
It's all about the exposure, the lens I told her
The angles were all wrong
Now she's ripping wings off butterflies"
'Keep your feet on the ground, when your heads in the clouds'
"Well go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle
We'll go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle
I played the guitar wanting to hit the solo just right.
So one day he found her crying
Coiled up on the dirty ground
Her prince finally came to save her
And the rest you can figure out
But it was a trick
And the clock struck 12
Well make sure to build your house
Brick by boring brick
Or the wolf's gonna blow it down"
'Keep your feet on the ground, when your head's in the clouds'
"Well go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle
We'll go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle
Woah, woah, woah
'Well you built up a world of magic
Because your real life is tragic
Yeah you built up a wall of magic…'
"If it's not real, you can't hold it in your hand
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it
But if it's true, you can see it with your eyes
Or even in the dark
And that's where I want to be, yeah
Well go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle
We'll go get your shovel
And we'll dig a deep hole
To bury the castle, bury the castle
I continued to play until the song ended. It felt good to actually play. I thought about other songs I could do. I got an idea. I would do one last song tonight.
"Think you can keep up?" I glanced at my reflection. This surprised her, though she had been trying to sing along for a bit now, but she still nodded.
"Just start playing." She spoke. I went to my ipod and played the song, starting to play along with it.
"You were my conscience
So solid, now you like water"
'And we started drowning
Not like we'd sink any farther'
"But I let my heart go
It's somewhere down at the bottom
But I'll get a new one
And come back for the hope you've stolen
I'll stop the whole world
I'll stop the whole world from turning into a monster
Eating us alive"
"Don't you ever wonder how we survived?'
"Well now that you're gone"
The world is ours
"I'm only human, I've got a skeleton in me
But I'm not the villain
Despite what you're always preaching
Call me a traitor…
I'm just collecting your victims"
They're getting stronger.
'I hear them calling'
"Calling, them calling
I'll stop the whole world
I'll stop the whole world form turning into a monster
Eating us alive"
'Don't you ever wonder how we survived?'
"Well now that the you're gone"
The world is ours
"Well you thought of strength and solutions
But I like the tension"
'And not always knowing the answers
But you're gonna lose it, you're gonna lose it…'
"I'll stop the whole world"
'Whole world'
"I'll stop the world from turning into a monster
Eating us alive"
'Don't you ever wonder how we survived?'
"Well not that you're gone the world…"
"I'll stop the whole world"
'Whole world'
"I'll stop the world from turning into a monster
Eating us alive"
'Don't you ever wonder how we survived?'
"Well not that you're gone.."
The world is ours.
I took a deep breath closing my eyes. I put away the guitar and went to go get my ipod, placing it in my pocket. I couldn't understand it, but music was helping… for once in a long time, I actually felt okay, not that I slept still or ate. But when was the last I did that. I couldn't really remember when I did. I made it back home going to my usual siting spot in my downstairs bathroom. I didn't feel like going to my room or my dance room, but while here I just kept thinking, which for some reason still helped.
To be continued
Thank you to everyone for being patient as to waiting on all these chapters, I know I didn't say it last chapter due to my lil note, but I just love you guys- and trust were almost through Kendall's phase- just a few more chapters. Again thank you for all the patience for everything- also for music there might be more throughout the series, just not as much as there was here, I already have the chapters written up to where music is in a sense used- but there more less like party scenes like the luau chapter and involve more dancing- less singing- only one chapter can I think of will there be some singing, due to the party style, because of karaoke but that is quite a bit a way- and I shall give heads up on that. Anyway this was a long note…
L: yeah especially about music- just keep writing and typing and we'll worrying about the other stuff later and things come up, jeez…
S: right…. Anyway hope you enjoy, like I said Kend's phase soon to end, as is singing, so keep heads up to that, music used was Rihanna- Russian Roulette, Flyleaf- Again, Evanescence- Everybody's Fool, Paramore- Brick by Boring Brick and Monster.
L: Please R and R and we hope to see you guys soon in any of her updated chapters- whether that be this series or her others (or even new ones teehee)
S: really…
L: Hey! Get to writing and typing missy!
S: I'm going, I'm going! Also happy summer!
Both: Bye!