Someone, somewhere, thought that Kakashi Hatake was a fucking moron.

He figured that whoever made the decision had to have weighed the risks. He guessed that they had two options: either raise suspicion among the lower ranks by not placing the Uchiha on a team with the only Sharingan user in the village, or wager that Kakashi, despite his involvement with the Uchiha clan, wouldn't realize that they'd stuck him with a completely different kid and blow their entire operation before Kakashi inevitably failed the team and sent them back to the Academy. And someone had thought that Kakashi was the better bet.

That dumb fucker.

Kakashi wasn't used to being underestimated. Sure, he might be a bit lazy and he had a bad habit of being late, but he only got away with all that shit because he was good. And given that no one but a high ranking official could get away with this stunt, that meant that the decision to go forward with putting this Sasuke on Kakashi's team came from someone who knew just how good Kakashi was. And they'd still thought that the chances of Kakashi noticing were lower than some dumbass chunin potentially asking too many questions about why some kid they didn't care about wasn't on a team with some adult they also didn't care about. Kakashi couldn't help but be mildly (very) insulted by it all.

He stood contemplating all of this on the outskirts of the Third Training Ground, waiting for his dumbass students to attack the clone he'd placed in the middle of the field in order to try and get the bells. For once, he was too agitated to read during the exercise, so he was left glowering in the tree branches, alone with his thoughts. He just hoped that the assholes would hurry up and fail so he could fucking leave and go home.

He was pulled out of his reverie when he saw a blur of motion to the left of his clone. Naruto was rushing in to attack at full speed, yelling while he did so.

So, the kid was actually stupid. Surprise, surprise.

Kakashi watched as his clone easily sidestepped the attack, grabbing Naruto by the wrist and swinging him across the field.

"You'll have to try harder than that," the clone called out to the boy's crumpled form. Kakashi sighed, underwhelmed by the performance thus far.

And that was when he saw Sasuke break out from the tree line and go straight for his clone.

This piqued Kakashi's interest. Imposter or not, he found himself impressed with the boy's forethought to attack so soon after Naruto's attempt. It wasn't teamwork per say, but the boy at least saw the value in having a teammate there to distract the enemy. Kakashi watched in vague amusement as his clone evaded Sasuke's ambush and tossed him aside.

Naruto stood up and readied himself for another attack. Kakashi cocked his head as he watched the boy rush his clone from behind, forcing it to jump out of the way. Maybe the boy wasn't so stupid after all; he'd clearly been able to see the value in the quick counter attack Sasuke had tried and was able to apply it to his own strategy. Still not teamwork, but at least Kakashi wasn't bored watching them anymore.

But then, as Kakashi's clone was still midair, Sasuke threw a barrage of shuriken at it.

Which, Kakashi dared say, almost seemed like teamwork.

Then, while his clone was distracted by Sasuke, Naruto launched his own attack at it.

Huh.

Now that had really seemed like teamwork.

Kakashi was very, very still for a moment. Then he shrugged, laughing to himself. Regardless if the boys were working together, Kakashi would still fail them all on principle. After all, they were in a three man squad, not a two man team.

So, where was the little pinkette, Kakashi wondered. She surely couldn't be happy about the boys leaving her out and attacking by themselves.

He spotted her near a large tree near the edge of the field, rummaging through the underbrush. If he didn't know better, he would've said that it looked like she was setting up a trap.

He glanced back at the boys and their carefully timed attacks and felt his jaw drop when he noticed that they were driving his clone in Sakura's direction.

Holy shit. They were trying to draw his clone into a trap. Holy shit. Holy shit.

They understood the exercise.

Kakashi was at full attention now, cursing under his breath.

Those motherfuckers.

• • •

So, apparently, they hadn't understood the exercise. 'Sasuke' did. And he was the one that came up with their entire strategy.

Kakashi was calling bullshit.

Not to his new students' faces, of course. As far as they were concerned, he was extremely pleased to find a group of genin who had finally understood the bell test. Unbeknownst to them, he'd strongly considered pretending that team work had nothing to do with the exercise and failing them all because they had not actually retrieved the bells. That had felt like dishonoring Minato Sensei, though, and, despite all the things Kakashi was, he was not dishonorable.

Unfortunately. Because that meant that he now had to deal with these fucks for quite awhile. It also meant that he had to confront this fake Sasuke Uchiha problem, because he was wholly convinced that this kid wasn't Sasuke.

Now Kakashi, despite his better judgement, had kindly offered to take his new team out to lunch after the test. Naruto had jumped at the offer, begging for Kakashi to let them get ramen; Sakura had pretended to seem nonchalant about it, but he could see that she was just itching to spend more time with the Uchiha; and Sasuke seemed content to spend his afternoon with everyone. Kakashi didn't care where they went, so he let Naruto lead the way to the ramen shop. He really just wanted the opportunity to question the Uchiha.

"So, Sasuke," Kakashi began, strolling besides Sasuke and Sakura. "You've been away from the village for three years, isn't that right?" He watched the boy vigilantly as he answered.

"Yeah. I've been back for a few weeks now." Kakashi nodded, pretending to mull over his answer.

"I have to imagine it's been a bit hard acclimating after so much time has passed, right?" Sasuke shrugged.

"It's not too bad. Everything's pretty much the same as when I left. The Hokage letting me graduate with my classmates has certainly helped, though." He shot Sakura a quick smile, and Kakashi watched in horror as the girl nearly fainted from the attention.

"Where were you, anyway?" Naruto asked, slowing his frantic pace to join the conversation. Sakura nodded vigorously in agreement.

"Yeah, Sasuke, you never told us where you were!" Kakashi thanked his lucky stars that his students weren't completely useless. It would feel like a considerably more natural conversation if he wasn't the only one asking questions.

The Uchiha smiled at both his teammates. "I was at an outpost outside the village." Naruto squinted at the boy.

"Why?" Kakashi watched Sasuke's disposition change completely. He curled in on himself slightly, and the smile fell from his face.

"I'd rather not talk about it," he mumbled. Kakashi pursed his lips. Shit, that wasn't a bad defense. The Uchiha incident would obviously be a touchy subject, and since Sasuke's leaving was clearly connected to it, the boy had a free pass to clam up if someone started asking too many question about why he'd been gone.

"Well," Sakura broke in with an awkward laugh, clearly trying to lighten the mood. Kakashi tuned her out as she began prattling on about something he had absolutely no interest in.

An outpost outside of the village. It wasn't a lot of information, but it was something. And if that was the story they were going with, then the results of the bell test made even less sense. If Sasuke Uchiha was kept at an outpost for three years, it would've had to have been for his own protection; Kakashi couldn't figure out another reason that would make practical sense. But if that was the case, then that would mean there only would have been a select number of people who were deemed worthy enough to know about his whereabouts. Of those people, Kakashi couldn't imagine that Sasuke was ever in contact with more than a few of them, meaning he certainly wasn't in contact with anyone his own age. And since Kakashi knew for a fact that Sasuke Uchiha's lowest grades at the Academy were teamwork and participation, he was calling bullshit on the kid miraculously becoming Mr. Team Player after being stuck at that outpost for three years.

Additionally, having fake Sasuke Uchiha pass Kakashi's test really made no sense. If anything, the fake Sasuke's objective should have been to fail the test so that he could get out from under Kakashi's scrutiny as fast as possible. Unless the fake Sasuke had thought that the objective of the test was to actually get the bells. Then he might have just figured that he'd graciously give them to Naruto and Sakura and forfeit his spot on the team.

Kakashi shook his head. No, that wouldn't make sense either. The people at the head of this would've done their due diligence. They knew how the bell test worked, and they let the fake Sasuke in on the secret before they put him on Kakashi's team. They wanted the boy to pass, but Kakashi couldn't figure out why.

"Ramen!" Kakashi felt a headache beginning to form as Naruto sprinted to the stall at the end of the street.

Fuck, he really should've just failed them.

• • •

Out of all the things Kakashi currently was, obsessed wasn't one of them.

He was just very, very focused on this one thing. That one thing being the fake Sasuke Uchiha, of course.

Kakashi felt like he was losing his mind. The kid wouldn't give up any more details about his time away, sticking to one word answers or straight silence whenever someone tried to ask about it. Seeing that he wasn't going to get any information from the source, Kakashi turned to the boy's files, desperate to find out what in the ever living fuck was going on.

And, unsurprisingly, there was absolutely nothing there.

There were no pictures of him, no reports, no anything. The only things in his file were the paperwork enrolling him in the academy, his report cards, the leave of absence slip, and the waiver the Hokage had signed for his early graduation.

Kakashi didn't know what he'd hoped to find, but he would've been happy if he'd at least found something that was more specific than an "outpost outside of the village." But, since that was all Kakashi had to work with at the moment, he was forced to go along with it.

Kakashi knew that there were six main outposts surrounding the village. He couldn't imagine that Sasuke had actually been placed in one of those, though, since their locations were hardly top secret. If Sasuke Uchiha had actually been staying at a village outpost for three years, it would've had to have been a smaller one that only a select few people knew about. Hell, they might've even gone so far as to build the kid his own. But Kakashi was sure that some outpost with a record of Sasuke Uchiha existed regardless of whether he had actually stayed there or not. You can't replace a kid and then have absolutely no evidence supporting your story, after all.

That conviction was what led him to the building that stored Konoha's top secret files. He didn't have the clearance to officially access it since he was no longer ANBU, so he was stuck standing outside, seriously considering the merits of breaking in.

He was on his third round of pros and cons when a masked man approached him.

"Kakashi Hatake, the Hokage would like to see you in his office."

• • •

The someone, somewhere that thought Kakashi Hatake was a fucking moron was apparently the Hokage. Except he didn't think Kakashi was a moron, he just knew Kakashi would take the bait. Which, incidentally, made Kakashi feel like a moron.

"I do apologize for having to bring you here like this," Danzo said, leaning back in his chair. "I would've liked to have had you formally briefed from the start, but you understand how risky that would have been for the operation. The only way I could justify your involvement was if you started asking questions." Danzo made a grand gesture with his arm. "And, lo and behold, here you are."

Kakashi remained standing at attention, still not completely sure whether he was in deep shit or not. Danzo seemed to notice.

"We can skip the pretenses, Kakashi," he sighed. "Ask me about Sasuke Uchiha." Kakashi stared at the Hokage blankly.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Lord Third. I have no questions regarding the boy." Danzo looked at him, a bored expression on his face.

"The boy has told me that you're very interested in his time away from the village. He says you ask him about it practically every time you see him." Kakashi mulled that over.

"If that's the case, Lord Third, I do have one question regarding the boy." Danzo tilted his head up, expectant. "Why is Sasuke Uchiha reporting to you?"

Danzo smiled.

"I have a mission for you, Kakashi."

• • •

It was ludicrous. Absolutely fucking ludicrous.

Two bright Sharingan stared back at him. The boy they belonged to had fallen into a defensive stance, the glass of water he'd been drinking left shattered on the floor.

"Who the hell are you?" The kid growled out. His voice was deeper, Kakashi noted. He also looked to be about five centimeters shorter than his Sasuke, and his hair was far more unkempt.

Kakashi watched impassively as the kid repeated his question, then charged at him seconds after asking it, barely even seeing if Kakashi was willing to deign him with an answer. He silently added impatient and impulsive to his growing list of observations regarding the child.

Kakashi held up his arm in defense as the kid reared back and threw a punch straight at Kakashi's head. He quickly grabbed hold of the boy's hand.

"I'm not here to hurt you," Kakashi said calmly. "I'm just here — "

The kid cocked back his leg and aimed a kick at Kakashi's side.

Kakashi made a minor adjustment to his list of observations: the boy was very impatient and impulsive.

Kakashi rolled his eyes at the kid's pigheadedness and delivered a sharp kick to his midsection, sending him flying straight into the soft embrace of his dining room table. He watched with mild intrigue as the boy fought to sit up around the splintered wood and put up his arms in what he hoped would be perceived as a peaceful gesture.

"Listen, the Hokage sent me to — " The kid stood up and threw himself at Kakashi for another attack. Kakashi sighed and raised a hand to his forehead protector. "Maybe this will convince you?" he drawled.

The kid stopped dead in his tracks, his outstretched hand millimeters away from Kakashi's throat and his eyes wide as he looked into Kakashi's Sharingan. Kakashi counted his breaths — one, two, three, four — before the boy finally spoke.

"You're not an Uchiha," he mumbled to himself, withdrawing his hand. Kakashi nodded.

"I'm not," he agreed. The boy was taking shallow breaths, his gaze intently trained on Kakashi's eye.

"You're Kakashi Hatake," he stated, realization dawning on him.

"And you're Sasuke Uchiha," Kakashi held out a hand. "Nice to meet you." Sasuke didn't move to acknowledge the greeting.

"My brother told me about you when I was little." His voice was only a whisper now. "He said that an Uchiha gave you that eye as a gift before he died." Kakashi had to conceal his surprise as he looked down at the boy. He hadn't expected the kid to know how he got his Sharingan.

Sasuke suddenly tore his focus away from Kakashi's eye and glared at him.

"The clan hated you for it," he said, venom dripping from every word. "They all said you had no right to that eye since you weren't an Uchiha." Kakashi stared at the boy, pulling his forehead protector back down.

"I don't have any right to it," he acknowledged. He heard the boy's knuckles crack as he pulled his hands into tight fists.

"Get out," Sasuke demanded, turning around and stalking towards the back of the room. "I don't care why you're here or who sent you. Just get out." Kakashi put his hands in his pockets and moved towards Sasuke's couch.

"That's not an option," he said, falling into the cushions. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "The Hokage ordered me here to train your Sharingan. I can't disobey a direct command." He listened as Sasuke's footsteps halted.

"I don't need an outsider like you to help me with my Sharingan," the boy snarled. Kakashi cracked open an eye and peered over at Sasuke's enraged form.

"You have any other options?" Kakashi watched as a look of pure devastation crossed the boy's face. Sasuke quickly turned his back to him and Kakashi grimaced; that had maybe been a bit too harsh.

"Get out."

Kakashi sighed and stared up at the pristine white ceiling. This is going well, he thought to himself.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi said, trying a different tactic. "That was untoward of me. I shouldn't have brought it up." Kakashi watched Sasuke for any slight movement, but the boy was as still as a rock. Kakashi decided to try his luck and push a little further. "I really am just here to help you, though. The Hokage told me that you've had your Sharingan for a few years now but haven't had the right teacher to properly develop it. And I know I'm not an Uchiha, but give me a chance." Kakashi's eye crinkled as he smiled. "It may not be my birthright, but it is yours, and you deserve to learn how to properly wield it. So, what do you say?"

Minutes of tense silence passed. When Sasuke eventually looked over his shoulder at him, Kakashi was convinced he'd finally gotten the boy to acquiesce.

"Get out." And with that, Sasuke Uchiha threw open the back door and left.

Kakashi scowled.

He really should've just failed them.