Jiraiya couldn't pinpoint the exact moment his life had completely gone to shit, but he was pretty sure it happened approximately around the time he let Danzo 'convince' him there was only one Sasuke Uchiha.

It started off as a fairly innocuous day. Jiraiya finally managed to land some time off, and he decided to spend it finishing up a chapter of his latest book. It had been all planned out: his desk was pushed towards the window, a pot of water was boiling for tea, and his happy ass was cocooned in the warmest, fluffiest robe he owned. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and Jiraiya was certain that this would end up being a fantastic, relaxing day.

And, holy shit, was he wrong about that.

Manuscript and pencil in hand, Jiraiya gracelessly plopped himself on the floor with a grin, anxious to return to his passion project after the months of monotonous intelligence reports he'd had to write. He brought the paper close to his face, scrutinizing it closely and rereading the last few lines in an attempt to remind himself exactly where he'd left off. Yes, yes, it was all coming back to him now. His heroine had just caught sight of her smoldering, irresistible ex during her girls' night out at the local bar. She hated him, she really did, but seeing him again with his hair smoothed back and his shirt hugging tightly against his defined muscles...she couldn't deny the fiery passion that was ignited inside of her. She still loved the man, damn him, and she couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same way, if thoughts of her ever crossed his mind during the dark nights spent alone in his bed.

Her wishful thoughts and breath were expelled from her body in a harsh whoosh of air as she watched a small girl totter up beside her ex lover in recklessly high heels, wrapping her hands possessively around his bicep.

She put up a shaking hand to her mouth, feeling angry tears beginning to collect in the corners of her eyes. That asshole! They had only broken up a few weeks ago! She had spent her time crying into her pillow while he had been out meeting other girls?! Her courage bolstered by the numerous drinks she'd consumed, she brazenly pushed herself away from the table and haughtily made her way over to her ex, fully intending to show him that he'd messed with the wrong girl.

He caught sight of her when she was only a few steps away from him. Watching as her ex's eyes widened in shock, Jiraiya's heroine —

Fuck.

Jiraiya felt his face fall as he remembered exactly why he'd failed to finish this chapter the last time he'd sat down to write. Letting out a deep sigh, he placed the pages down and brought his pencil to his mouth, biting down lightly on the end of it.

Jiraiya was a huge proponent of letting his characters guide the plot of his story. That being said, he'd run into a bit of an obstacle regarding this scene because of that specific philosophy. He had pictured his heroine bravely confronting her ex, boldly whisking him away from the unknown woman and forcing him to confront the mess he had made of their relationship. But the more Jiraiya lived with these characters, the more he felt like his heroine was still far too hurt by her ex to make such a ballsy move at this point in the story. Which was a problem, since that meant he either had to go with it and scrap his outlined plot or rewrite the earlier chapters of his story to build up his character's confidence.

Jiraiya sat back and closed his eyes, a crackling pain sparking at his temples. A groan escaped his lips, and he found himself almost missing the straightforwardness of his intelligence reports.

Ironically, that small thought heralded what would become the bane of his entire fucking existence.

A light tap caused him to look up. A messenger hawk with bright, beady eyes was staring at him through the window, a tiny piece of parchment tied around its leg.

Jiraiya gazed at it for a moment as realization dawned on him, his teapot whistling as the water came to a boil. Then he threw his pencil down in frustration.

"Motherfucker—"

• • •

Jiraiya stood in Danzo's office, his eyes intently trained on the preteen standing in front of him as he tried to figure out what in the ever living hell was happening.

"Thank you for coming in on such short notice, Jiraiya," Danzo began, writing one last note on the page in front of him before looking up at him with a hollow smile. "You've met Sasuke before, correct? He'll be sitting in on this meeting since the matter concerns him directly." Jiraiya glanced at Danzo in brief acknowledgment, quickly returning his gaze to the boy as he assessed his situation.

Sasuke Uchiha had been one of Jiraiya's marks for years. The sheer amount of intelligence he'd collected on the child bordered on absurd: he knew what time he went to sleep, how he liked his eggs cooked, what subjects he preferred to study in school, how far a person could push him on any given topic before he lost his temper, etc. etc. Jiraiya was a self proclaimed expert on all matters involving Sasuke Uchiha, including everything that had happened to him after the Uchiha incident. He had watched them bring the boy from room to room, hideout to hideout, trying to forge him and his Sharingan into a faithful weapon that could be used by the Hidden Leaf Village all while keeping him in the dark regarding the truth of his family's demise. The plan had always been to rehabilitate him slowly, to build up his devotion to Konohagakure and then eventually bring him back into the village center, both for the Leaf's best interest and to keep Itachi Uchiha satisfied regarding the treatment of his little brother.

Something must have gone wrong, though, because the person in front of him was clearly not Sasuke Uchiha.

Jiraiya looked back at Danzo, his eyes beginning to narrow. After all his years working with the man, Jiraiya was well aware how much Danzo enjoyed putting his underlings through loyalty tests. It was a sick sort of assessment Jiraiya had watched Danzo develop in order to ensure that the people surrounding him were unquestioningly faithful to him and his 'cause.' He would accept nothing less but complete and total devotion, and to make sure he received it, he would often test those he worked with by presenting them with a completely ludicrous, blatantly untrue scenario. If they questioned Danzo, they were immediately regarded as disloyal. If they didn't, they were viewed, at least for the moment, as a dependable subordinate.

The consequences of failing one of these tests varied depending on the rank of the person concerned; Jiraiya had found that, generally speaking, the lower the rank, the less severe the repercussions. Which meant that, if Jiraiya chose to outright say that he knew the boy in front of him was not Sasuke Uchiha, he could probably expect an assassination attempt within the next few days.

It was no secret, though, that Danzo was a paranoid, dictatorial piece of shit. Jiraiya knew he should have refused to work for the man, stop playing his infuriating little games and furthering his schemes. But the political turmoil that would erupt throughout the continent if a coup for the Hokage's seat was staged would be, at best, absolutely devastating to the Leaf and, at worst, the inciting incident that started the next Great War. And Danzo, despite all of his faults, wasn't a bad enough Hokage to risk all of that. Besides, as long as Jiraiya could maintain his position as Danzo's top intelligence officer, he was reasonably confident in his ability to divert any of Danzo's more perverse plans.

Of course, Jiraiya was willingly choosing to ignore how much good his self-assurance had done when it came to the Uchiha incident three years ago.

That, however, was firmly in the past. He had to do what was best for his village and his country now. Which meant entertaining Danzo's absurd demands.

Pushing down the bile that was bulging in his throat, Jiraiya gave Danzo a lukewarm smile as he came to terms with the disgusting performance he was about to present. "Yes, I've met Sasuke before, Lord Third." Danzo nodded, a satisfied smile crawling across his face. It almost made Jiraiya sick.

"Fantastic. Let's begin, then." Danzo inclined his head ever so slightly towards 'Sasuke.' "I've decided that the danger posed by Itachi Uchiha towards Sasuke has decreased significantly enough for him to be brought back into the village. Since he has continued his studies outside of Konoha and is sufficiently skilled, I am going to allow him to graduate with his original Academy class and place him on a genin team with Kakashi Hatake. However, I would like you to continue watching him and submitting your daily reports on his activities." Danzo gave Jiraiya a steely stare. "Is that understood?"

Jiraiya gave a single nod, realizing the connotation of Danzo's words. As far as he was to be officially concerned, the boy standing in front of him was the only Sasuke Uchiha.

"Yes, Lord Third," Jiraiya said, holding back a grimace. "I understand."

• • •

Jiraiya sat in front of the one-way mirror, idly watching the real Sasuke Uchiha roam around his immaculate white room. Now that he was looking at the boy, he supposed he was beginning to understand why Danzo had gone so far as to have someone impersonate him instead of bringing the actual boy into the village. While everything still seemed to be going according to plan regarding the child, the Uchiha had an unbridled ferocity about him that Jiraiya imagined unnerved Danzo considerably. After all, Sasuke wasn't malleable or easily persuaded; he was a wild card, impulsive and indignant and utterly unpredictable. And Danzo could never bring himself to hinge his entire operation on a boy like that.

What bothered Jiraiya, though, was that by bringing in a fake Sasuke Uchiha, Danzo had completely eliminated the possibility of the real child ever being brought back into the village. Which made him wonder what Danzo's plan regarding the boy was now, especially since Danzo still had Itachi working under him. Their deal, as far as Jiraiya understood, was only good so long as Sasuke was protected by the village. And while Danzo had yet to do anything grievously untoward, the appearance of an imposter hardly inspired confidence regarding Sasuke's future consideration.

Jiraiya was evidently not meant to get involved in that part of Danzo's plan, however. The meeting, besides being a test of loyalty, had also clearly served to dismiss Jiraiya from the more covert aspects of the Sasuke Uchiha operation. He was now meant to act as if he had no knowledge of the Sasuke Uchiha he was currently watching, instead acting as if the imposter was the one he'd been keeping tabs on all along.

Jiraiya closed his eyes with a soft groan and reached for his back. He dug his fingers into the soft muscle, trying to rub out the knots he felt forming. Shit, he hated this fucking job. He hated Danzo, and he hated Sasuke fucking Uchiha and his damn imposter and his damn older brother and —

Jiraiya's eyes shot open as he felt a chill run up his spine, his breath tangling in his lungs as he looked up in alarm and met the menacing gaze of two twin Sharingan.

Jiraiya felt his brows furrow as he stared back at Sasuke. The one-way mirror was specifically designed with the Sharingan in mind, a protective chakra coating layered over it so that the boy wouldn't be able to see past it with his kekkei genkai. But someone had plainly done it wrong, because Jiraiya was positive that the boy could see him. And looking into those eyes, there was only one clear thought that ran through his head.

Sasuke Uchiha was dangerous.