"Everyone calls me brave, but truth is, I'm just too stupid to know better." - Neville, age 21, to Hannah Abbott and Susan Bones right before he bungee jumped off a cliff.

The next day, Neville flopped down at the kitchen table at his best friend's house and groaned. Loudly. "I can't do this."

"Yes, you can," Susan patted his head affectionately. Ginny was there too, going over paperwork with Hermione. They were less encouraging.

"You still haven't told her?" Ginny glared over a tall stack of papers. Harry and Ginny were buying a house, which, he guessed, required a lot of paperwork. He wouldn't know, his Gran remarried quite suddenly last year, leaving him alone at Longbottom Keep.

"No," he admitted, his gut rolling in misery. He hadn't told Hannah he wanted to break up. Instead he slept with her. Twice. Because of her damn rabbit.

A rabbit. "Honestly," he groaned again. "Why is it so hard to break up with someone?"

"It's not," Ginny's voice was stern and judgmental. "Harry broke up with me at a funeral, if he can do that, you can tell Hannah to shove it."

He deserved it, much as her scorn burned. "Don't talk so poorly about her," he felt the need to defend Hannah rise up despite his true feelings. He just wanted... what the hell did he want? He didn't know.

His whole life he had no idea. Everyone assumed he would go into the Auror program after school, especially after all he did in 7th year. And when he said everyone, he meant everyone. When he corrected that false assumption, it seemed as if he betrayed the entire community some how. For nearly three months after it came out he rejected the position at the program, he got confused looks everywhere he went. The general consensus that he had totally bombed his entire life.

But none had taken it harder than his Gran.

Hannah had been the only one on his side. And now he was trying to leave her. What was the matter with him?! Why wasn't he in love with her? Hannah was all sweet smiles and high heels and sunshine.

Safe. And happy.

He was the idiot for not finding that good enough. Why he wasn't madly in love with someone as perfect as Hannah Abbott was beyond him.

"It can be," Hermione argued then, turning the page of her loaded documents. "He wants to tell her the truth, but not hurt her. He can't do one without the other, thus the difficulty."

Ginny made a grumpy sound, but Susan said, "And the longer he waits to tell her, the more hurt Hannah will be when she finds out. And the more hurt Hannah is, the more suffering Neville will go through for it. Once he figures that bit out, he might just do something about it."

He hated how upbeat she sounded. "Ugh."

"See?" Susan smiled, as if enjoying his pain. "Suffering."

"What happened this time, Nev?"

He sat up, looked Hermione right in the eye, winced, and said, "I slept with her."

Goddesses, he could practically feel their disgust. She rolled up her newspaper and swatted him on the side of his head. THREE TIMES. "You-complete-jerk! Neville!"

"Slept with her?" Ginny's mouth dropped open in shock.

"Yeah, her rabbit died, and she was upset-" he tried to explain, dodging Hermione's smacks. He wasn't a damn fly.

"So you slept with her?" she interrupted, eyes going even wider with disbelief.

"She didn't want to be alone! What was I supposed to do? Break up with her right after her pet died? She was already crying and upset, she asked me to stay! What else was I supposed to do?"

"Break up with her!" all three of his friends said. At once. In a 'duh' sort of way.

"Even the good ones are jerks," Ginny rolled her eyes and stood from the table. "C'mon Hermione, let's finish this at my mum's."

They packed up in a rush. Hermione patted him on the head on their way out, gave him a sad smile. But Susan reheated his tea before taking the seat right next to him. "I know you don't want to hurt her, Nev. I know you're not trying to be a jerk. But surely you must realize that no matter what you do, feelings are going to be hurt. You two have been together since right after 7th year, ending a relationship that's lasted so long is tough business. The longer you wait, the more it's going to hurt her."

His forehead came down and thumped harshly into the table. Again. "I'm just going to snap my wand and move to Alaska. Live in the woods. Acquire a pet bear."

"You will not," Susan snapped with authority. "You are far too brave to run from your problems, Neville Longbottom."

Brave? Hardly. He felt like the biggest coward.

"I'll lose you in the divorce," he groaned, realizing yet another ramification of breaking up with Hannah. Their group of friends would what? Split in two? Who would go with who? "You'll definitely stick with her over me."

And he didn't want to lose his friendship with either Susan or Hannah.

"I can be friends with both of you if I want, and guess what? I want. But please stop delaying, Nev. I can only feel so bad for you before I start thinking you're only another typical jerk of a boyfriend."

While she went about setting up for her work as a curse breaker, Neville decided to do something he hadn't done since 7th year. He imagined the Altar of Circe, and prayed. Prayed for the kind of love that would satisfy him. The kind that burned him all up from the inside. Prayed for answers and the strength to carry them out.

"Okay," he sat up and rubbed his face with the palms of his hands. "Okay, I'm going over there. I'm going to sit her down and tell her I want to break up. No more distractions. I don't care what happens."