Hi everyone! Thanks so much for the reviews and sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. I really struggled with this one for some reason. This is the kind of conversation I think realistically Peter and Carla would have had since being back in each other's lives, but that I doubt we'll ever see on the show. But I also wanted it to make sense within the context of the story, so I hope that it does, and it doesn't seem too melodramatic. I also read back over the previous chapters and noticed some typos, so sorry about that! I hope you enjoy.

Peter stared down at his orange juice, unsure where to begin. He craved alcohol most of the time, but especially in situations like these. He'd give anything for a shot of whiskey right now, something to take the edge off what was sure to be a difficult conversation. Carla was looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something. Now that he'd suggested the conversation, he didn't really know how to start.

"I know there's nothing I can say that will change what I did to you, and I'm truly not expecting to be forgiven for it. But I'm hoping that an explanation might help you understand where my head was at the time." He began. "And I know that a promise of honesty means nothing coming from me, but no matter what else you take from this conversation, I need you to know that nothing I did changed how I felt about you. I just need you to know that."

He looked at Carla, his eyes wide. Her face remained neutral and he so wished he knew what she was thinking. This conversation was taking him right back to the night he'd confessed everything in the back room of The Rovers, a room that had bizarrely been the location of several difficult conversations he'd had in recent years.

"You get why it would be hard for me to believe that though, don't you?" Carla said.

"Of course. That's why I want to try and explain."

"Go on then." She was firm.

"I don't want to hurt you again by raking it all up." There was no way to sugar coat a conversation with your ex wife about what drove you to cheat on her.

"It isn't so fresh anymore." She replied.

Peter took a sip of orange juice, his mouth suddenly very dry. He wanted to explain how he'd felt at the time, without it seeming as though he was trying to pin the blame on her.

"When I lost the bookies," He began. "I felt like I'd lost who I was. Losing it to your brother, who hated me, and then having to accept financial help from you made me feel about this big." He demonstrated with a small gap between his thumb and his index finger. "But I knew I didn't have a choice and so I threw myself into work at the factory, because I needed to make sure it worked, for the sake of my pride. But on top of all that there was the wedding to plan, and then Simon being bullied and it just all got a bit much I suppose…" He trailed off.

"And what?" Peter could see the tension in her jaw. "Instead of speaking to me about it, you spoke to Tina?"

"It wasn't like that," He was fidgeting now. "You were just so focused on the wedding, and Simon had always been a difficult subject-"

"You didn't think I'd understand?" She interrupted, looking hurt.

"You just had a lot on your plate, and Tina was babysitting so she just ended up dealing with more of the Simon stuff than you did." He needed to tread carefully here. The truth was, back then he didn't always think Carla was the best person to talk to about Simon. They had a strained relationship at the best of times and the fact that she wasn't a parent herself meant sometimes she didn't quite know how to handle some of the more challenging scenarios. He would never tell her this though, not since her only chance to become a parent had been ripped away from her, and he was partly responsible.

"So, you had a few cosy chats, did you?"

"She started seeking me out more and more, I suppose she developed a crush or something." He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. It would be easy to blame it all on Tina, but it didn't seem right considering she was no longer around to defend herself. "I should've shut it down straight away."

"But you encouraged it?"

"Not actively, but I suppose I must've given her some kind of indication that I was unhappy, otherwise presumably she would've backed off."

"She watched us get married." Carla laughed incredulously, "If that wasn't enough of a signal to back off then I don't know what would've been."

"She thought I'd married you out of guilt."

"And had you?"

"No of course not" He looked her dead in the eyes, he needed her to know he was telling the truth. "I wanted you to be my wife, no question."

"Feels like there's a 'but' coming."

He nodded. "Honestly? I would've been happy with just the two of us down the registry office, not the circus it became."

"I just wanted it to be special." She said sadly.

"It was special." He insisted.

"Peter you kissed the babysitter!" The increase in volume had attracted the attention of the barman who now looked very intrigued. She lowered her voice, clearly not relishing the thought of becoming the breakroom gossip. "Stop trying to rewrite history."

"OK, I was having doubts about the wedding."

"I knew it."

"But it wasn't about not wanting to marry you, it was more about the timing. With everything else going on in our lives at the time, I just felt like maybe the wedding could've waited"

She shrugged sadly. "Our entire relationship just felt like obstacle after obstacle, and I think I thought if we got married, finally things would calm down. Like we'd made it… Stupid really."

"I should've told you how I felt, but you were so excited."

"Yeah I was. I wanted to marry you so badly, but I would've waited if you'd asked me to."

"I just felt like I was constantly letting you down. After everything with the bookies, and you having to pay for your own engagement ring…"

"But I didn't care about any of that."

"Well I did, it made me feel like a loser."

"Oh well I am sorry." She replied, the sarcasm evident in her tone.

"Come on, I know it wasn't your fault, but having your girlfriend bailing you out every five minutes isn't exactly great for a man's self-esteem."

"I didn't see it as 'bailing you out', we were a team."

"Team implies everyone puts in an equal amount of effort, but it was you doing all the heavy lifting."

"Yeah at that time, maybe, but Peter relationships have ups and downs. How many times had you had to pick me up off the floor in the past?" He thought back to all those times after Frank, when she'd leant on him and he'd been there to protect her.

"Exactly. To go from being someone you looked at as a hero, to you having to pay my way… it didn't make me feel good about myself."

She rolled her eyes. "This isn't a movie Peter I didn't think you were infallible."

"You know what I mean." Being the person Carla turned to in her worst moments was the only thing that made Peter feel worthy of her most of the time.

"And Tina made you feel better?"

"I suppose, for about five minutes. I'm not proud of it."

She folded her arms. "So, is this what you're doing now? Trying to save me? Trying to make yourself feel better?"

"No!" He shook his head furiously. "I mean of course I want to help you, but this isn't a pride thing I swear."

They were quiet for a while, Carla clearly mulling over everything that had been said.

"Do you know what's ironic?" She said thoughtfully, running her finger along the edge of her wine glass.

Peter shook his head, his eyes questioning.

"The whole time we were together, I thought you were the most wonderful person I'd ever met. I mean I knew you had flaws, obviously, but you'd been there for me at my lowest and you'd quite literally saved my life. I don't know how you could've thought that needing my help from time to time would make me think any less of you."

"I knew how much you thought of me, but I was also sure that one day you were going to wake up and realise you'd made a terrible mistake. I mean come on Carla an alcoholic who couldn't keep his business afloat!" Self-pity was something that Peter worked hard not to feel anymore, it had never got him anywhere in the past. But he still didn't quite understand what had made Carla fall for him like she did, and he doubted her ever would.

"Do you know the only thing that could have ever made me think less of you? Sleeping with a girl half your age behind my back." She looked tearful now and Peter suddenly worried this whole thing had been a mistake. They had finally been getting somewhere and now he'd reminded her of the terrible things he'd done.

"What scared me the most about telling you the truth was knowing that you would never look at me in the same way ever again. Maybe it was self-sabotage, I knew I didn't deserve you and so I decided to prove it. Whatever the reason, it was the biggest mistake of my life and I've lived with the consequences ever since."

"So have I."

They were silent again. Peter had purposely not brought up their baby, he wasn't sure Carla would want to talk about her, but he was sure that's what she was thinking about now.

"Maybe this was a bad idea, the last thing I wanted to do was upset you."

"No." She said, wiping her eyes furiously. "This conversation needed to happen. Especially now that we're business partners." She laughed, as if she'd just remembered.

"So, you still want to go ahead?" He wanted to her to be sure.

"Well I think that conversation was the most honest you've ever been with me, so that seems like a good start."

"I know I've still got a long way to go to gaining your trust back completely, but I won't let you down, I promise." He was talking about the factory, but there was a deeper meaning to his words, and he hoped Carla picked up on it. Peter knew the chances of her taking him back were still slim, but now that they would be working side by side, he had a chance to show her how much he'd truly changed.

"I don't doubt your abilities in the factory Peter, you were great last time. I just wanted to be sure you were investing for the right reasons. Not just trying to play the hero. I get that you want to help me, and I appreciate that." She paused. "But it doesn't mean I'm going to take you back."

"Take me back? Where did that come from?" He feigned ignorance.

"Come on Peter, I'm not stupid. The restaurant you picked the other week didn't exactly scream friendship did it."

"I told you, I just wanted you to have a good time."

"And I did, and like I've said I want to spend time with you, but these grand gestures have me worried that you're getting your hopes up about a reconciliation, and I can't promise you that."

"Look, I'm not going to deny, I still care about you. A lot. And if there was a possibility of you entertaining the idea of us getting back together, I would be there with bells on." She laughed at this and he relaxed slightly. Putting his feelings on the line felt risky, but he was fairly confident she already knew where he stood regarding their relationship. "But the main thing I want, is for you to see that I've changed. That I'm not the man that did those terrible things to you anymore."

"I do believe you've changed, Peter. I've heard it from other people, and I've seen it for myself since I've been back on the street. But you can't blame me for being suspicious of your motives."

"I know, and I completely understand that. But how else can I show you how much of a different man I am, without us spending time together? No matter what happens between us going forward. Or doesn't happen." He added quickly. "I need you to know that what we went through wasn't for nothing. After I moved to Portsmouth, I honestly never thought I'd see you again, and it was devastating, but I made my peace with it. I realised I had a choice, give up completely, or work on being a better man and father going forward. And I chose the second option. I turned my life around. I swore I would never treat another person the way I treated you. I've been sober since I came out of prison. And even though things have been tough with Simon recently, I'm not just flying off the handle or reaching for the bottle when things get tough. When I tell you I'm a changed man, it's not a line to try and get you back. It's the truth. I changed because of you but I didn't change for you, I need you to know that. Just let me show you."

She was silent for a while before eventually saying, "Ok, show me."