A/N: Finally managed to get myself out of the trench of laziness to write another chapter. In other news, I imported this fic to AO3, so if you'd rather read it there, then be my guest! Oh and due to my lack of vision the description of the GL Labs facility is probably way off. But hey, this fic is marked AU for a reason.

"Uh, what is this?" I ask the clay skull. I'm not expecting an answer, obviously, it just seemed like the appropriate thing to ask. "I thought this was a spooky haunted house, not a lab."

The floor we had ended up on after the impromptu funeral of The Romantic appeared to be some sort of mad scientist's layer filled with pipes, tanks, and computers. One of the said computers caught my interest, it was an old timey looking thing with two bulky generators which were presumabley used to power it. If that wasn't off-putting enough, (expecting a privileged bratty millennial to use a ridiculously outdated machine is a bit much don't you think?) it was stained with something red that I seriously doubted was ketchup considering where I was at the moment.

Still, where there was a computer there was info, and that particular resource was severely lacking at the moment. But I refused to let go of my standards, so before I used this miserable excuse for a computer, it must be cleaned. No exceptions. Well, I guess if mutant robot alien people were taking over the world, that would be an exception, but seeing as that's not currently happening...

I grab a baby wipe from my backpack and begin scrubbing at the computer like mad. The skull watches me clean, staring like it's the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. I glance at him over my shoulder every once and a while.

When I'm done, the computer still has a few red speckles on it, but it's a definite improvement. Now I can use it without losing my dignity. I turn it on and it whirrs to life, humming and grinding lowly. I never thought it was possible for a computer to sound menacing before, I usually found the humming of a desktop relaxing. Ah, good memories of laying on the big bed in Grandpa's room while he worked...

This machine on the other hand held none of that tranquility. The noises it made seemed to say that it had murder on its hard-drive. Not to mention the red static-filled screen. It's probably best if I see what this thing has to offer quickly, I decide.

Hmm... let's see... there are two options.

'enter'

'Exit_program'

Well, that seems straightforward enough. I go to click on enter, than realize something unprecedented.

"Th-there's... no mouse," I breathe. "She's not serious, right? She doesn't actually expect me to use a computer without a mouse like some... like some... barbarian?! I mean living in a killer mansion I can kind of accept, I mean it's not great, but she's a ghost so... but a computer without a mouse!? That's like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without doritos! Missing that beautiful crunch and that intoxicating hint of spice... oh don't look at me like that, you know just as well as me that this is an atrocity! Fine... fine. I'll use the freaking computer. But I won't like it."

Once I'd selected the enter option using the keyboard, I was greeted with yet another menu. Except this one was a lot less straight-forward and a lot more intriguing.

'access_specimen_database'

'modify_house_layout'

"No way!" My annoyance turned to excitement at that second option. Spooky was letting me change the house around? Cool! If it wasn't apparent already, I love doing just about anything that involves imagination and creativity. It kind of sucked that I wouldn't have a mouse to do this with, but I could use a creative break. I selected the option...

Only to have every single one of my hopes and dreams bashed at the error message displayed before me. Part of me had always known this was too good to be true, so I suppose it serves me right to have gotten my hopes up. Maybe I could somehow hack into the system later and screw around with things? That wasn't very likely since I've never learned a string of code in my life, but the thought cheered me up nonetheless.

I decided to look at the first option. I didn't know what these specimen things were, but I guess I was going to find out. Whatever they were, there were certainly a lot of them. Thirteen to be exact.

"Hmmph, figures she'd choose the unlucky number," I mutter.

The first specimen was the cardboard cutouts I'd been hugging along the way. An interesting detail included in the entry was that they weren't effective on subjects that didn't have any pre-existing health problems. Its method was heart attack, and it had killed four people. "So this is like... a wiki for all the things here that'll try to kill me?"

My suspicions were confirmed when the next entry turned out to be GoopBoy. Seeing what his method was, I was happy I'd decided to jump over the puddles. Being torn to pieces was not on my bucket list.

The third specimen was a weird hybrid between a spider and a centipede. Good thing I don't have arachnophobia, Charlotte and Lucas had seen to that. Poisonous bites on the other hand were a whole different bag of chips, but I might not have to worry as the entry stated that this particular creature had not been released yet. Though with how things had gone so far, I seriously doubted I'd be that lucky.

The fourth specimen was the ghost of a japanese girl who I'd guess to be around my age when she died. Her method was consumption, which did not sound pleasant to me but it probably did to some people which makes it all the weirder. I'd have to be careful with this one.

The fifth specimen would have been scary if it hadn't reminded me of the funny story of when my mom wanted a mannequin for Christmas. That was back in the good ol' days, when mannequins actually looked like people, and not headless freaks. Unfortunately, this particular one was the latter. I doubt I'd have any trouble getting past it though, as my will is anything but weak.

I was unable to access any of the entries after that, but I couldn't be too angry. After all, it wouldn't do to become too OP... I guess. Still my memory tends to fail me when I'm running/fighting for my life, so I make a quick note of the entries I could see before logging off.

"Gah!" And the skull is inches from my face when I turn around. "If you're trying to freak me out... it's working. Good job, what do you want, a cookie? Well too bad, I never share my cookies. In fact, I think I'll eat one right now as compensation for that scare."

And that's exactly what I did. It was a really good cookie too, and I took my sweet time chewing, swallowing, and savoring the flavor. Needless to say, it got the intended effect.

Subject 5 is growing more and more restless. I told Spook we need more funds for sedatives, but she just laughed and flew into the ceiling. Without more chemicals to keep these things docile, I'm not sure how much longer we can keep them here safely.

Generic Lab Assistant

"...There's a lot to unpack here," I inform my companion. "But the biggest thing is, this is obviously more than a deathtrap. This is a deathtrap with lore." The clay skull seemed unimpressed at my discovery, but I plowed on anyway. "So let's see... Spooky is in charge of a lab with a horrible name, or at the very least funding it, and doing a horrible job from the sound of this note. She doesn't give a crap for her employees, but that's obvious even if you don't read the note. Seriously, who in their right mind would be okay with calling themselves Generic Lab Assistant?"

The skull gives me a look that says, "Get to the point already!" It's amazing how well I'm starting to read him. "Anyway, not only has Spooky refused to take proper safety precautions for this Subject 5 which I assume is one of the specimens I read about earlier, probably Specimen 3 as its entry said it was yet to be released, but she also hasn't bothered to buy proper computers for her employees. So instead they write their crap with pen and paper where anyone can see it. And you know what? I think that's intentional. Why, you ask? Well it's obvious. To scare people. Spooky's obsessed with scaring people, clue is in the name. So it all pretty much boils down to Spooky is a terrible person who kills people and leaves their corpses and notes they wrote prior to their death around to shock her next victims. I'm not sure why she wants to kill even more people rather than just scaring them and leaving it at that, but I will soon. You can count on that." I grin, proud of myself. I decide against writing my discovery down for the next person to find, at least not yet. That next person could be Spooky, and I wasn't ready for her to be privy to my theory yet, if she wasn't already. She might have one of those insta-kill plot devices ready if I go too far. So it's best to wait it out for now.

I believe Subject 5 is loose. The glass around its container is shattered, and I can faintly hear clicking coming from the ceiling. I don't know what will happen now. If it is out and alive than this is probably my last report. The clicking is getting louder now.

Generic Lab Assistant

This note confirmed my theory somewhat, but this wasn't the time to celebrate. This situation was all too familiar.

"When I put down this note, or if I leave this room, Subject 5 will appear." I say with certainty. I take a deep breath, straitening my posture and tensing my muscles. "I'm ready."

Sure enough, as soon as I step through the door, a quiet clicking sound can be heard. It's coming from the ceiling, just as the last note had described it. Then something dark brown and shiny darted downwards in the corner of my eye, and I turned just in time to see that it was none other than Specimen 3.

It was long, had tons of legs, pincers, and fangs dripping with venom. Okay I couldn't actually see its fangs, but I knew they were there. It made a sort of gurgling roar as all eight of its eyes focused on me. And that was it for me, I took off running.

The spiderpeed's methods were pretty simple once I figured them out. He would drop from the ceiling, taking about eight seconds to do so. Then, he'd move at about the same speed as Goopboy. After I figured that out, the scare factor wore off. So much so that I wanted to change things up. So I started thinking.

There wasn't anything supernatural about this particular specimen, he was just a really, really big bug. And what reasons do bugs have to chase people? Maybe... he was hungry? How often did the generic lab assistants feed their subjects? What did they feed them? My crazy brain began to come up with a plan. A rather crazy plan, but a plan nonetheless.

I used the next time the spiderpeed dropped from the ceiling to unzip my backpack, and the next to rummage through it. Soon I found what I was looking for, an almost full bag of beef jerky. I had bought it to see what it was like, and didn't like it. Too chewy. But maybe this guy would? There was only one way to find out...

"Hey spidie!" I shout. This surprisingly works in stunning the creature, and I use this time to toss a piece of jerky. The clay skull stares at this, bemused.

The spiderpeed stops in its tracks, surveying the piece of meat on the ground. And then, it devours it. So quickly that it hardly even chews. Is that normal? Do spiders usually chew their food? I don't know, but the point is once it's done something seems different about the whole situation. And as the spider approaches, it doesn't seem like a hostile action, more like your every day dog or cat asking for more food.

"You like that, huh?" I ask, trying not to make any sudden moves. This alliance seems a bit shakey to say the least.

The spiderpeed looks up at me again, making a noise similar to the ones it had before, but a bit quieter. I smile. "Well I have a whole bag of that stuff right here, and you can have all of it, if you let me pass through unhurted." Yeah, I know, unhurted isn't a word but unharmed ain't my style.

The spiderpeed's eyes shine with hunger, but it's not for me this time. Relieved, I toss the bag to the ground and continue on my merry way. Behind me, I hear the unmistakeable sound of plastic being torn apart, followed by the spiderpeed beginning his feast.

Dear Fellow Adventurer,

You don't need sedatives when you've got beef jerky. Tell that to the generic lab assistants if you ever come across them, will you?

Zoe

"Hey," I say as we continue our journaey. "Do you think I'd have more friends if I kept that spiderpeed as a pet? Boys might like me more, not that I'm interested. Ace and aro all the way! Still... it would be nice to have a friend who also likes playing in the mud. Yes, I still play in the mud at sixteen, deal with it."

A/N: A longer chapter to compensate for the wait.

My self-insert OC not sharing her cookies as a shameless attempt to not turn her into a Mary Sue.

Generic lab assistant notes included as a shameless attempt to lengthen the chapter.

Feeding Specimen 3 jerky is something from another fic you can find on this site.