answers to reviewers questions or statements:
Zayden StormVoid: Lucy's gonna soon find that being neighbors to one Peter Parker may be more stressful than having members of her team break into her house every other day of the week. Mephisto and Dormammu are way to OP for the likes of Tartaros, but I do have a few members for that Guild in mind that are of the supernatural variety.
darthwolf: Well Erza was unaware of what exactly Lullaby was, all she had to go on was that it was powerful enough that it needed to be sealed away and a dark Guild wanted it for who knows what at the time. She wasn't exactly gonna drag a guy she's sweet on into a potential fight where he may end up hurt or worse when she realized that the leader of the Guild she's facing is a infamous assassin. Like it's been mentioned, Peter doesn't go on many missions where he's expected to fight other mages, most of his job requests are around solving Curses which involve lots of research and than going through a simple yet complex ritual to break it. It'd be like Erza bringing Levy along to storm a fortified fortress filled with mages from a Dark Guild. Sure Levy could hold her own, but it'd be smarter to take a more combative individual like Natsu or Gray along instead.
Omni-Creator Kami of Anime: Peter has a few other things with him aside from his stingers that he can use in a fight and will get a few more things later on.
Deadsori: Huh?
Mr Guest: Mirajane's little prank on Cana wont be the last, she's gonna be getting quite a few others. It'll be a while until Peter get's his own team to lead but it will have some powerhouses on it... and be even more unstable and hectic than Manly Drunken Spider's going to be. Peter will face down a few of the main baddies, both of his own and from fairy tail. He'll beat some, he'll get beaten down by some, just like everyone else
badger12: No's lowkey her favorite, at least in that she doesn't 'punish' him... yet, wink, wink.
hellfire45: It's Erza, there's no way not to be afraid of her. Hell, Gray and Natsu have known her for years and are terrified of her most of the time.
Redfusion: She'll have something akin to it.
JirenX: Honestly, I have no idea.
Disclaimer: I don't own any Marvel or Fairy Tail characters seen, mentioned or used.
"Alright Team Manly Drunken Spider, are ya ready?!" Cana yelled as she, Peter and Elfman stood outside the Guild Hall the following morning.
"UGH, how the hell are you so chipper?" Peter groaned as he held his hands over his ears "Too loud..."
"Why are we up so early" Elfman yawned as he rubbed his eyes "A real man needs his sleep"
"The early bird catches the worm as they say" Cana said with a wide grin as she held up a white sealed letter "Plus the train to the Magic Council's Firoe Branch leaves early today and the next one isn't due till tomorrow. I wanted to catch the first one and get this done now before the master got back from his Guild Conference"
"Why the hell are we going to the Magic Council?" Peter asked with a frown as he stared at the letter in Cana's hand.
"We need to deliver a letter from Master Makarov to those old geezers" Cana said with a shrug as she turned on her heel and dramatically pointed in the direction of the train station "Lets get moving!"
"Why the hell are we doing this?" Peter asked as he and Elfman followed after Cana.
"Not a very manly mission" Elfman sulked.
"Oh shut it you two" Cana huffed "We're getting paid three hundred thousand Jewels to do this thing"
Peter and Elfman both blinked at this and shared a look as a similar thought raced through their minds. Three hundred thousand Jewels for a simple delivery mission, even to the Magic Council, was a bit much. Whatever was in that letter must've been highly important if the pay was that high.
'Though that does raise the question of why the Council didn't just send a squad of Rune Knights to get this thing' Peter thought as he and Elfman followed Cana towards the station 'Either they trust us more than they let on or their lazy...'
Or by making it seem like it's not important by having a legal Guild deliver such an important missive.
With a shrug, Peter continued to follow after Cana as she walked with a sense of swagger that he thought was highly necessary. Elfman kept shooting side glares at Peter every once in a while, still clearly upset by having found out that not only did Peter spend the night at his and Mirajane's house, but slept with the elder Strauss as well. Peter just hoped that Elfman didn't find out about Mira coming over to his place, something he's still trying to figure out how she got in, and gave him a blowjob before she allowed him to have anal sex with her.
'Now that's a beating I won't survive' Peter thought with a shiver before he deiced to distract himself from such violent thoughts "Sooo, anyone know when Master Makarov will be back from his conference?"
"Don't know" Elfman answered as he gave Peter another glare "Though he'll probably be back either tomorrow or the next day. He's usually not gone that long"
Peter nodded at this before he looked ahead towards Cana "Oi Cana, what'd your magic future reading demon cards say?"
Cana's brow twitched for a moment before she looked back at Peter with a tick mark on her head "Their not demon cards! Their Tarot cards!"
"Oh..." Peter said with a nod of understanding before he and Elfman shared a look before turning back towards Cana.
"So what'd your demon tarot cards say?" Elfman asked.
"Fuck both of you!" Cana snarled with annoyance.
"I'm good, I already have-" Peter began before Elfman was suddenly in front of him, no looming over him with a foreboding glare on his face.
"Finish that sentence, I dare you!"
"Uhhh, what was I gonna say again?" Peter said nervously.
This was gonna be a long mission, he could already tell.
Half an hour later Team Manly Drunken Spider had boarded their chain and were now currently on their way towards the station that was located near the Magic Council's Fiore branch building. It'd still take the better part of six hours to get their even at the speeds they were going and with only one stop along the way. Thankfully Cana had the foresight to purchase seats in one of the more well furnished train carts.
Peter thought Cana wasted a good extra three hundred jewels just so their little 'cabin' had a table to go with it.
"Ahhh…" Cana sighed as she fell back on the seat and stretched until she heard a faint 'pop' in her back before leaning back and resting her legs on the table "Now this is much better!"
"The seats are the same as always" Peter said dryly as he sat across from the brunette with Elfman next to him "Also, were you raised in a barn? Get your feet off the table!"
"Oh what, you aren't a foot guy?" Cana said with a teasing grin as she wiggled her toes at Peter before she slowly pulled them back "Or is it only Mira's feet you like to have a taste of?"
Elfman was practically shaking in mute anger as he stared out at the passing landscape with the angriest snarl that Peter's ever seen on the man.
"Uh, first of all no, I'm not a foot guy" Peter said with a glare thrown towards Cana's teasing smirk "Second of all, can you please stop? I'm pretty sure Elfman here is one remark away from snapping me in half like a pretzel"
"Can't too much fun" Cana beamed with a grin before she noticed a passing waitress and signaled for a menu for her and the boys.
"A real man knows to keep himself in restraint and not let peoples words get to him" Elfman gritted out as he mentally reminded himself over and over again to not strangle Peter for touching his sister in inappropriate ways... tempting as it was.
"Wow, I'm convinced" Peter replied dryly, causing Elfman to growl at him.
"Oh enough you two" Cana said as she clapped her hands together to get their attention "We're on a very important mission for the Master to 'THE' Magic Council. Which means, we've got to bring not only our 'A' game, but maintain a sense of professionalism and prid-"
"I'm sorry to interrupt dear, but here's your vodka martini" the waitress returned with a glass that was quickly snatched out of her hand and downed by Cana in one go.
Peter and Elfman both gaped at this while the waitress gave them a sheepish smile as Cana let out a satisfied sigh as she handed the empty glass back to the lady.
"Keep'm coming doll face, I'm gonna need all the alcohol I can get if I'm gonna be dealing with any of those Magic Council dickweeds" Cana said with a wide toothy grin "And make those bad boys extra dry!"
"Certainly madam" the waitress said with a bow before she retreated from the cabin, leaving Team Manly Drunken Spider alone.
Cana noticed the looks on Peter and Elfman and huffed as she folded her arms under her bust "The hell are you two gawking at?"
"Professionalism huh?" Peter said dryly.
"What?" Cana said with a chuckle and a shrug.
"A real man could meet wihtt the Magic Council without having to drink themselves silly!" Elfman said with a confident nod.
"Or just fuck the former demon of Fairy Tail, eh Peter?" Cana said with a wink thrown towards Peter who paled as Elfman's magic flared and caused the window for their cabin to crack.
"E-Elfman…?" Peter said nervously as he felt his danger sense going off like a drum at a concert while Elfman was suddenly standing over him with a shadow over his face.
"Think your a real man because your sleeping with my big sister?" Elfman whispered darkly as he popped his knuckles "I'm gonna show you"
"Eep!" Peter sounded as Elfman seized him by the collar of his hoodie "Be gentle, I bruise easily!"
"Keep it down you two, I'm gonna need my beauty sleep" Cana said with a yawn as she got comfortable in her seat and closed her eyes.
For Peter, it was a very, very long train ride... and a very painful one at that.
...
"So this is the Fiore Branch for the Magical Council..." Peter said as he gazed up at the building with a hum six and a half hours later "Not gonna lie, it looks like their overcompensating for something with how they have it designed. I mean, it looks like the architect was drunk or higher than a cloud when he made this thing"
The building, had perhaps the most outlandish appearance that any of the three mages had ever seen in all their years at Fairy Tail combined.
The base of the tower was simple enough, at least compared to the rest of the building. The octagonal building composed of bricks, with large, square windows and double doors adorning many of its faces. The tower stretched up for a good seven stories with the structure growing drastically larger before extending outwards and taking the shape of a large, round and flat capsized dome, similar to the bottom of a bowl that was intricately decorated with dark, geometrical motifs that reminded Peter of some of the mansions and estates he's seen at the capital. Above the bowl like portion of the tower floating on it's very edges were ten curved panels of some sort and above even those was another structure, a large palace, sitting on a large round platform that hovered a good several stories above the free floating panels with two halos, one red and one blue, floating above it's roof.
"Oh like you could do better?" Cana asked with a snort as she gestured for Peter and Elfman to follow her towards the massive structure.
"Better than this, that's for sure. Probably with half the magic too" Peter said while Elfman scoffed.
"A real man doesn't need to be good at making buildings nice with magic when he could use his own two hands" the younger brother of Mirajane said as he folded his arms across his chest and nodded.
"Oh so you know how to build a house Elfman?" Peter asked sarcastically "Gee, good to know if I ever need someone to come by and fix my wall I just need to give you a call"
"Aww, did you leave a few Mirajane sized impressions in it when you had her up against it and fucked her like a animal in heat?" Cana teased.
Peter was about to respond before he felt a dark presence behind him and turned to see Elfman looking at him with a snarl while his eyes seemed to glow red with rage. A nervous, uneasy laugh escaped from Peter as he backed away from the larger man "Now, now Elfman, that's not what's wrong with my walls-"
"Yeah Elfman, he just pushed her to the floor and mounted her like a mare in need of breaking" Cana giggled, causing Peter to shot her an annoyed glare while steam seemed to erupt from Elfman's ears.
"I'M GONNA BREAK YOU!" Elfman reached to grab Peter, causing the man to let out a startled scream before he broke off into a sprint towards the Magic Council building.
Elfman quickly gave chase with a yell towards Peter to accept his beating like a man for doing such things to another man's sister with Peter desperately trying to tell Elfman that Cana was lying. The normally drunken mage giggled at the two as she followed after them at a leisurely pace, checking to make sure she still had Makarov's letter before up ahead she felt a strong flare of magic followed by a minuet tremor that caused her to freeze for e brief second before breaking out into a full blown sprint.
"Oh fuck's sake please tell me you two aren't actually starting to have a fight RIGHT ON THE DOOR STEP TO THE FUCKING MAGIC COUNCIL!" she yelled as she raced towards a small cloud of smoke by the main entrance to the tower only to skid to a stop as it cleared to show Peter and Elfman both on the ground "W-What the hell?"
"I take it these two are with you?" an unamused but very feminine voice spoke up from behind Cana, causing her to turn to see one of the most beautiful women she's ever seen in her life.
Pale skin, dark purple hair, warm red eyes and a white yukata that showed off a rather voluptuous figure. Cana couldn't help but feel a spike of jealousy at the size of the woman's chest, her long toned legs, and the obvious magical power she wielded, even if it was suppressed. This woman was, in a way, everything that Cana wasn't; strong, confident, and didn't need to dress in very revealing clothing to get anyone's attention, she could just look them in the eye with her own and gain it.
'You know what... fuck these people! With their fucking perfect bodies and their fucking perfect attitudes and their fucking perfect power!' Cana thought with a tick mark before she took a deep breath and held a hand out "Cana Alberona, me and my team are from-"
"Fairy Tail? Yes I noticed the Guild Marks on your..." the woman trailed off as she looked over Cana's shoulders at Peter and Elfman's downed forms "Friends"
"Hehehe..." Cana said nervously as she saw the woman eye her up and down with a look that was less than impressed.
"What... professional attire" the woman said dryly, causing Cana's brow to twitch as she heard Peter let out a groan of pain as he pushed himself back to his feet.
"Anyone get the train of the number that hit me?" Peter said with a dazed look on his face before he blinked and noticed Cana and the purple haired woman "Oi Cana, whose the lady with the purple hair?"
"This is-" Cana began before the woman cut her off.
"Ultear, I'm a member of the Magic Council" she said as she winkled her nose at Peter "And the one that had to put a stop to you and your friend's 'fighting' on the very doorstep of one of our buildings no less"
'Fuck/Uh-oh' Peter and Cana thought collectively with nervous looks on their faces before Cana gave Ultear a sheepish grin "Look, we're really sorry about that-"
"The letter, if you would" Ultear said as she held a hand out "The sooner we get this done, the sooner you can leave and go back to doing whatever it is you Fairy tail hooligans do in your free time"
"Hooligans?" Peter said with a raised brow "Lady, I'll have you know we're far from being hooligans. If anything we're lollygaggers"
"How's that any better?" Ultear asked with a frown.
Peter shrugged at this "Don't know, but it sounds better than saying we're a bunch of ruffians"
"Why the fuck are you spouting out all these words like your goddamn encyclopedia?" Cana asked as she rubbed her temples "Shit I need a drink"
"And I need a psyche evaluation after just looking at you three" Ultear said with a look of mild distaste.
"Oh yeah, well..." Peter paused as he tried to think of a clever comeback before his shoulders sagged "Crap I got nothing for that one. UGH, I hate it when other people say things that I cant find a counter for!"
"Perhaps if you spent more time practicing your etiquette and less time being a nuisance, you might be able to" Ultear smirked.
"And maybe if you practiced being less of a dick, people might respect you and the Council more" Peter fired back with a scowl.
"Peter, be nice, she's already ticked off enough by us to begin with because of you and Elfman" Cana hissed towards Peter.
Peter let out a grumble while Elfman let out a cough as he stood up and rubbed his head "Ow... what the hell hit me?"
"I did" Ultear said, raising her hand slightly as she eyed Elfman for a moment with a disinterested look in her eye "For being part of supposedly the strongest Guild in Fiore, you and your friend went down rather easily. I've seen a dog and a chicken that are stronger than you"
Elfman's brow twitched at this before he stomped on his feet and pointed towards Ultear with a growl "Oh yeah, than how about we try this again, just you and me! Man to Man!"
"I'm a woman you idiot" Ultear said with a sigh as she held her hand out "Now the letter if you would. I fear if I stand in your three's presence any longer, I'll be as dumb as a pile of rocks"
Cana scowled at the woman's words as she reached into her pocket and pulled out the slightly winkled letter and placed it in Ultear's hands. The purple haired beauty made a face when she realized it was a little damp and had a slight odor to it that reminded her of a bar.
"Did you use this to wipe down a bar?!" she asked with an incredulous expression.
Cana blushed while Peter and Elfman snickered.
"Might as well. She probably used it as a napkin after her sixth martini" Peter said as he struggled not to laugh only to receive a smack upside the head from a enraged Cana.
"S-Shut up before I tell Mira how hard you got when you placed my feet on your groin and have them rub it!" Cana gritted out.
Peter blinked at this "Wait, the fuck are you ta-"
"YOU WHAT?!" Elfman shouted in rage before he let out another yell as both his arms were encompassed in magic energy "GAAAAH, BEAST ARM IRON BULL!"
Peter stared at the Strauss sibling for a moment before he turned towards a sheepish looking Cana and gave her a deadpanned stare "I fucking hate you so much right now"
And with that, the younger brother of Peter's girlfriend slammed his fists into said man's face.
...
"You okay there Mirajane?" Wakaba said when he noticed Mirajane stumble a few steps on her way to the bar and have tears begin to form in her eyes.
"I-I-I... I don't know" Mirajane said as she began to openly cry "But I feel as if something I loved jus hit another thing that I love!"
"Uhhh?" Wakaba shared a concerned look with Macao "What do we do?"
"Don't ask me" the purple haired man said with his hands up "This right here is a job for the lady's man"
"True" Wakaba said with a nod before he realized something "Wait, where is that Parker guy anyway?"
Before Macao could respond, Mirajane let out another wail of despair.
"WHTTTTTTYYYY?! WHHHHY DO I FEEL THIS PAIN GODDAMMIT?!"
...
"What kind of man tries to get all handsy with another woman when he's already with someone?!" Elfman growled as he and Cana sat in a guest room while Peter, sporting a black eye and a cracked skull, laid on a bed with a magical healing circle over his head.
Elfman's little outburst yesterday had caused Cana and her team to miss the last train back to Magnolia for the day and were thus forced to wait until the next train. Safe to say, Cana wasn't amused by this, even less so when she found out that there was no alcohol in the building. L eave it to the Magic Council to render their places an alcohol free zone... the bastards.
"It was just a joke" Cana said with an eye roll "I didn't think you'd lose your shit that badly and knock out a third of our team! Now we've gotta stay here until he wakes up because I'm sure as hell ain't carrying all the way to the train station"
"Than you shouldn't have made that joke!" Elfman pointed and accusatory finger towards Fairy Tail's resident drunk "Especially about things like that!"
Before Cana could offer up a retort, there was a knock at the door that caused the two mages to turn and see the door open to reveal Ultear.
"Ultear?" Cana said with surprise at the Magic Councilor's appearance "What are you doing here?"
"I've come to see how your friend is faring since yesterday" Ultear said as she glanced over at Peter's still unconscious form.
"He's doing fine... thanks" Cana said with a bit of reluctance at the last word.
Ultear seemed to sense this and had her eyes narrow slightly before she smirked as she approached the bed with a subtle sway in her hips that both Elfman and Cana caught. Before either could ask what the purple haired Council member was doing, she bent forward at the waist and planted a small kiss on Peter's bruised cheek, causing Cana to gape and Elfman's brow to twitch.
"There, maybe a bit of love will help with his recovery, no?" Ultear said as she stood upright and gave Cana a smirk "If you need anything, I'll be down the hall in the main conference room for the rest of the day. Just let the guards outside know you need to speak with me since I'll be the only Councilor here that's physically present"
"I'll keep that in mind" Cana said as she gritted her teeth at the purple haired bombshell as she made her way towards the door before stopping and humming aloud.
"Tell me..." Ultear said as she looked over her shoulder at Elfman and Cana "Does your friend there have a girl he's sweet on back at your guild-"
"MY SISTER!" Elfman was practically hyperventilating with how annoyed and angry he was.
"Oh?" Ultear said with a raised brow before she giggled "How... adorable"
And with that, she stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind her, leaving Cana with an infuriated Elfman.
"Can't believe she'd... what kind of man goes around and helps themselves to someone that's already in a committed relationship?!" Elfman growled out as several tick marks appeared across his brow.
"She's a woman you idiot" Cana said with a sigh of annoyance before she glanced back at Peter and felt her ire grow when she saw faint red lipstick on the cheek that Ultear kissed.
That fucking little twat...
The two sat there in a relatively heavy silence for the next hour or so before they both heard something outside and turned just in time to see a figure crash through the window, sending shards of glass everywhere.
"What the hell?!" Elfman yelped in surprise as he leaped to his feet, his right arm being incased in stone while Cana drew several cards to hold between her fingers and held them at the ready.
She casted a quick glance towards Peter's from and was relieved that none of the flying glass had hurt him. Because of that, whoever this intruder was would suffer only a few broken ribs instead of the whole ribcage along with all their limbs.
"Man... that window was tougher than it look" a very familiar voice said as the figure stood up to reveal... Natsu Dragneel.
Cana and Elfman stared dumbly at their Guildmate as he brushed some glass off himself and readjusted his red wig before noticing the two mages in front of him. He gave them both a wide toothy grin and a thumbs up "Sup guys! Man, haven't seen you guys in several days"
"Natsu?" Elfman blinked at the sight of the Dragon Slayer "What are you doing here?"
"I'm here to free Erza!" the pink haired mage replied with a determined look on his face.
"And does freeing Erza mean you had to dress up like some wannabe crossdressing version of her?" Cana asked as she took in Natsu's attire "You look like Erza tried to dress herself after she snorted some red spice and went binge drinking for a whole night"
Elfman nodded in agreement "Yeah, Erza's supposed to look real manly. You just look... the complete and utter opposite of that"
"Hey it's not like was giving much time to make this thing on the way here!" Natsu shouted in annoyance before something occurred to him "Wait, why the hell am I still talking to you? I gotta go free Erza before she gets sentenced by those Magic douchebags! I mean what right do these Magic Council jerks have to arrest Erza for saving the Guild Masters from being killed by Lullaby? If they think I'm just gonna stand around let them convict her like she's some criminal than they've got another thing coming!"
"Wait, the Magic Council is arresting Erza for saving the Guild Masters?" Elfman said with shock.
"Yeah!" Natsu shouted with fire in his eyes "If it wasn't for her than Gramps would be dead by now!"
"What kind of man arrests someone for doing the right thing?!" Elfman gasped before a look of sheer determination adorned his face as his magic power flared like a super nova.
Cana blinked at this "Um, I don't think-"
"Lets show this Magic Council what a real man thinks of this!" Elfman interrupted Cana with a yell.
"Now hold on you two-" Cana began before Elfman suddenly let out another yell and used a partial beast takeover to change his arm into a large demonic like limb.
"Let's see how the Magic Council reacts when their facing a real man!" Elfman yelled as he slammed his fist into the wall, completely shattering it and creating a massive hole.
Cana gaped at this while Natsu, still dressed in a poor imitation of Erza, landed on Elfman's shoulder in a crouch before spring boarding off him with a yell "Hang on Erza, we're coming- uh I mean I'm the real ERZA!"
"Now your acting like a real man!" Elfman yelled as he gave chase after his shorter Guildmate.
Cana stood there with a look of utter shock on her face as she could hear the faint yells of Natsu and Elman along with the startled yelps of various Rune Knights before she felt a faint tremor as the two had breached the room where the Magic Council and likely Erza Scarlet herself were located. This, this was not going even remotely how she expected things to go. Her team's job was to simply deliver a valuable letter from Makarov to one of the members of the Magic Council and than just leave. That was it, literally nothing else needed to be done!
At this rate, Cana will be lucky if Master Makarov only decides to disband Team Manly Drunken Spider.
"UGH God dammit you idiots!" Cana stomped her foot on the ground as several Rune Knights suddenly filed through the room's door and the large hole made by Elfman and aimed their magical staffs at her.
"Y-Your under arrest of damage of Council property, assaulting official representatives of the Magic Council, interfering with an official Magic Council Trial-"
Cana drowned out what the man was saying as she held her hands up with a annoyed scowl on her face while several Knights approached her and proceeded to bind her hands in cuffs to nullify her magic. As they were doing this, a few moved to secure Peter's still unconscious form for transport, likely to the same place that Cana was going.
'When I see those two again, their both dead!' Cana thought angrily as she was escorted away down to the holding cells below.
God help those two if they were put in the same cell as her!
...
And done.
Next chapter, Peter, Cana, Erza, Natsu and Elfman spend the night in a jail cell together...