Josie and Penelope
After Penelope's comment about her wife dying in front of her eyes both women were stunned and silent. It took some time for them to accept the weight of the words Penelope just said. For a moment Penelope wanted to apologize to Josie, but changed her mind… They were talking… They were finally talking and getting things out. Apologizing would be a step back, because it would be a lie that she didn't think or felt what she just shared with Josie.
''I agree…''
Penelope just looked at Josie in shock.
''Your wife did die… No, the idea of your wife died… Mine did too…''
That got Penelope a bit insulted and angry… Josie saw it on her face. She took her hands and squeezed them.
''Listen to me! Before you get angry, listen to me…''
Penelope didn't say anything and Josie moved so they were sitting so they would face each other. Their knees were touching and Josie held her hands. She didn't let Penelope move or lose contact.
''I think that one of our biggest problems is that we are both still very much in love with each other…''
Penelope was confused… How could that be a problem?
''But the problem is we are not in love with who we are now, but with who we used to be… I am still in love with that sixteen year old daredevil that made romantic dinner and almost set us on fire in the attic with all those candles.''
Penelope smiled at that.
''It feels creepy to say it, but I am in love with a sixteen year old Penelope who made me heart shaped sandwiches and cocoa at three in the morning to cheer me up after I had fight with my parents or Lizzie. I am in love with a mischievous girl that pushed my limits and buttons. I am in love with a girl that beat the crap out of the boy who tried to hurt me at the school dance, I am in love with a girl that spent her entire pocket money so we could sneak out from school so I could go to the concert I wanted.''
Penelope was getting the wind of what Josie was trying to say and as she listened to her speak; she also had memories come to her mind. She had huge smile on her face and tears streaming down her face.
''When I fell in love with that pain in the ass, mischievous, smug , smart, amazing, strong young girl, my world changed… Everything changed…The problem is that I never let that girl grow and become a woman … ''
Penelope looked at her confused.
''We don't know grown up version of Penelope and Josie… You don't love who I became Penny… because you are still stuck on loving the frightened girl who you fell in love with… You are not letting me grow up because you fear that I will not need you… You are afraid that the grown up version of me can make it without you… And I am not letting you grow for the same reasons… Maybe one of the reasons why I did what I did was that I am frightened that you will wake up one day and realize you outgrew me… That I am not what you need anymore… You are this badass lawyer, you have amazing career and people are often frightened to be in the same court room with you… You are young hope of Boston law scene… And who I am? I am stay at home mom that is in the house and her entire universe is three children, wife, carpools and making snacks and meals….''
Penelope leaned toward Josie and put her forehead against hers.
''You are so wrong Josie… Yes, I am this badass lawyer and all what you said…but I still need you more than you can imagine…''
Josie looked at her and wiped her tears.
''Do you know why I hate to travel for work?''
Josie shook her head.
''This badass lawyer you are talking about that can face anyone in court… can't sleep without you.''
''What?''
Josie had no idea where this is coming from. She had no idea that Penelope still had issues.
''I still have nightmares Josie… I might have been out of my family and our old house for almost twenty years now, but I still sometimes have nightmares of my life before the school and you… So, I take sleeping pills so I wouldn't dream…and they make me loopy in the morning… So, I don't like to travel because I don't sleep well away from you… I feel safe having you beside me. You've been in the same bed with me for years. You know how to calm me down even without waking me up. It's hard to sleep without you Josie… it's scary.''
''That is ridiculous…''
''No, it's not… Since we started dating, we haven't spent many nights apart… I even slept in that horrible chair after you gave birth to twins so I wouldn't go home to an empty house and bed where you were not.''
''You never told me any of this…''
''I didn't want you to think less of me Jo…''
''Oh, Penelope…''
Josie moved hair out of Penelope's face and cares her cheek.
''But you are right Josie… We are too stuck on who we used to be, that we barely know the people we became… You are also right about it being creepy to say you are in love with a sixteen year old…even if that sixteen year old is memory of your wife…''
Penelope looked at the clock on the nightstand and gave Josie a very weak smile.
''Come on Jojo! It's time to hit the shower and go to bed.''
''But we just started talking… We finally managed to get some things out.
''We are far from done talking… ''
''But we finally…''
''I know Jojo…BUT, you are pregnant and you need your sleep… And we also have two incredibly energized boys sleeping in the house close to us that will realize in few hours my car is parked outside and bang on our cottage door like small army searching for food… ''
Josie smiled at that. She knew Penelope was right and that Dylan and Jason will break the door one day trying to knock and enter. She couldn't even imagine how happy they would be to see Penelope's car and realize that their mom is there for the entire trip with them. Two of them missed Penelope a lot. Helena had some time with her due to her not going to bed at eight, but twins… Two of them often only had weekends with their mom and both her and boys felt like it's not enough.
''So Jojo, we need some sleep if we want to wrestle those two energy bombs tomorrow and survive it. I am sure we are in for a hike or at least collecting shells from the tide…''
Josie knew how much boys loved doing that with Penelope. Sometimes if they found some big shells, they would make thinks out of them and give them as presents to her parents, Lizzie or even Hope. Penelope got of the bed and got her bag. She found her PJ's and her case with things she needs for the bathroom.
''You go first P… I have to unpack.''
''Ok.''
It took Penelope about ten minutes to shower, remove her makeup and lenses. She was in nice fluffy pink pajama and her hair was down in wild curls she really missed seeing framing her face. She was tired of her buns and that sharp look she had for work. She missed being causal and seeing herself in that light. She brushed her teeth and put the glasses on. She left the bathroom and Josie got in and closed the door. For a moment, Penelope debated if she should sleep in Helena's room or in their bed, and she picked their bed in the end. Josei was surprised to find her there. She was sure one of them would not be spending the night there. She also couldn't say she was not happy to see Penelope there. It gave her hope that she is really here to stay and fight for their relationship. She smiled and Penelope smiled back. She got under covers and fluffed her pillow.
''I know this doesn't mean we are ok and all is good, but thank you for staying.''
Penelope didn't say anything. She just stared at the sealing.
''What do we do now?''
She turned to face Josie.
''What do you want to do?''
''I asked you first Penelope.''
'' I know you did, but you were the one searching for something out of our relationship…That's why I want to know where your head is?''
''My head is all over the place… I am frightened P…''
''Do you want to be with him?''
''No, I don't… I just want to try to fix our marriage. Now that we got finally some things out in the open… I think we deserve a second chance.''
Penelope felt strange relief when Josie said that.
''It will be hell Josie…''
''I know.''
''No, you don't… I got a new case… I am going to New York with Elisabeth on Wednesday to meet the client… I might spend from three to six months there on the case.''
That was news to Josie…
''But you would come home?''
''For holidays and when I can… I can fly you and the kids there when they have some days out of school and weekends…''
''I will not be allowed to fly soon... And driving to New York would be madness too.''
''I know Jojo… But I will find a way to come home to you and the kids…if we really want to do this…''
Josie took Penelope's hand and held it.
''Think about it Josie… I will not be in Boston for a long time… Maybe that time apart is what we need to simply clear things out in our minds… It will be a good test for us to see if we want to make this marriage work or end it.''
''In six months they might be born.''
And there it was… The new elephant in the room was addressed. Does Penelope see them as family of five or of seven when she speaks about fixing the marriage and working on the relationship?
''I know.''
''Penelope, do you have it in you to accept his children as yours?''
''Ask me that in a few days… I am not sure how to answer that question now.''
Josie felt hurt for a moment but she also understood Penelope. She couldn't imagine what she would do if the roles were reversed.
''I am sorry if that is not the answer you wanted, but it's the only one I can give you at the time. I don't want to lie to you and say that I am over the moon with this pregnancy and the fact that their father is someone we know and that he is not a simple donor, but someone you actually slept with…I need time to process that. I need to process the fact that someone close to us was your lover and father of the children.''
Words like lover, affair, baby daddy, cheating were burning Penelope's mouth and filled with bitterness she knew it would take time to get rid of. Josie felt somehow dirty after Penelope said those words. She knew she had no right to say anything to here since it was her fault and she had to sit and take it from her wife.
''I know. I know, P…''
They somehow managed to fall asleep and as Penelope guessed, around eight in the morning there was loud banging at the door.
''Monsters are coming…''
Josie giggled at Penelope's comment.
''I'll go an unlock…''
''No, I will…''
''Hey, I have to go to the bathroom regardless.''
''Ok…''
She got to the door and opened them. Boys were happy to see her. And Landon was standing beside them. He ''brought'' them to the house. Josie knew it was just an excuse to see her. Their cottage was too close and there was no need for anyone to walk the kids to the door.
''Mom! Is mama really here?''
''Yes, she is…. She is in bed…waiting for you to come… MAYBE you can sleep some more with us?''
''Mooom… We already slept.''
''Ok… Go to mama.''
They went in and Josie was about to close the door when Landon stopped her.
''Can we talk?''
''Are you insane?''
''Please…''
''No, we can't talk…I have to go back to bed. They are waiting for me.''
''You slept with Penelope?''
''That is none of your business…''
''I thought we were together. I believed you would leave her now that she knows everything.''
''Landon, I don't know what you believed and thought but it's not happening. Not now, not ever… Please, leave me alone.''
With that she shut the door and went back to bedroom. She found Penelope in bed cuddling with boys. They were each on her side and she was in the middle of the bed so they wouldn't fall from it. They were telling her about some things from school and she had so much fun listening to them and their stories. Josie went to the bathroom and joined them soon in bed. Boys were bragging about their new pajamas with baby sharks and they were explaining Penelope how they have sharp teeth just as sharks do. She pretended to be scared of their teeth and they were bighting her finger and arm and all of them were laughing. Josie loved the sight beside her. She was happy… No matter the fact that their future was not clear, at that moment she was happy… Three people she loved so much were by her side and it was contiguous how they laughed and how three sets of her favorite shade of green were watching her. She picked up her phone from the nightstand and swiped messages from Landon. She didn't want to read them. Penelope grew serious when she saw her with the phone. She was suspicious what she was doing. She pressed dial button and lied down by the boys and Penelope. Soon Helena's face showed up. Penelope's smile was back. Josie called Helena because she missed her…as much as did Penelope.
''Hey moms… Hey babies.''
''How are you?''
''I am doing amazing…''
Penelope smirked.
''I bet you are.''
Dylan made sad face.
''We miss you…''
''I miss you too…''
Penelope smiled at her daughter.
''Then get on the train and mom and I will pick you up.''
''Mom…''
''Come on, if you miss us so much. This bed and mamas' hug is big enough for three of you and even more.''
''I bet it is… So, are you telling people now?''
''What?''
Helena realized she said too much. Penelope and Josei exchanged looks and Penelope spoke.
''Baby sharks, go and put on some pants and shirts… and then we will make pancakes… OK?''
''Ok.''
Jason and Dylan got out of bed and walked to the door. Just as they were about to leave, Penelope told them to close the door. Jason nodded and Dylan looked worried.
''Do you want us to close the door so you can kiss in secret and make a baby?''
''What?''
''That is what Dug told us his mom and dad do when they close the door.''
Penelope looked at Josie who was as stunned as she was.
''I promise there will be no secret kissing or anything else.''
''Ok.''
''Now they are gone… What should we tell people?''
''That mom is pregnant again… And don't try to lie to me… Her doctor called to tell her that she forgot the prescription for her prenatal vitamins.''
''Honey…''
''I haven't told anyone… I am just asking if we are keeping it a secret and why you never said that you were trying again?''
Penelope had to save them somehow. Josie was too shocked to react.
''Well, it never came up…''
''Why so secretive this time… I remember before twins , we spoke about it until I was sick of it.''
Penelope and Josei were having silent conversation. Penelope was the one to speak first.
''We didn't want to tell anything until we knew everything was ok. It's still pretty new and we want to wait to know if the baby is ok before we tell anyone. And you know your mama and her baby panic and superstitious. She has to have all the tests and results before she spills… We did the same with the twins.''
''But I knew right away.''
''We are sorry love we kept it from you. We have to go now. Twins are probably dressed and about to cause chaos in the kitchen…''
''Ok mom, just one question about this and I am letting you go.''
''Shoot, but be very quick.''
''Oh, I will…''
Helena was sitting on her bed and smirked.
''So, what is the stand we are taking as a family over mom cheating with Uncle Landon and getting pregnant?''
That got both women sitting in bed and staring at each other and at the telephone screen.