- Chapter 3 -

The Emperor's Quest

Author's Note:

So, just FYI, there will be some AU as the fic goes on, and not just 'cause of Akira. I'm going to adapt the movies to the best of my abilities, and add in some content from Online and Xenoverse. You'll have to wait and see...

Due to bathing scenes, and Goku's, er... problem with discerning gender by sight, there will be brief nudity ahead; you have been warned. As my reviewer GameFreakimage said, just because Goku has a sister in this fic doesn't necessarily mean he fully understands different genders. Besides, in the original show, that was a big part of the humor.

Mount Paozu, East District

The sun was setting as Bulma's motorcycle sped down the path and across a bridge, Goku and Akira clinging to her back. Bulma was now dressed in a dark blue biker suit with black gloves and boots.

"Hey, Bulma, stop!" Goku said. "I just saw a snake! That oughta tide us over until dinner!"

Bulma shook her head. "That's disgusting, Goku. If you two don't wanna gross people out, you're gonna have to stop eating things like frogs and snakes."

"Really?" Akira whined, hearing her stomach growl. "Well, how about lizards?"

"Nope," Bulma replied. "Eating lizards is nasty, too. You're just gonna have to toughen up."

After some time, Bulma stopped the motorcycle in an open field, Akira and Goku jumping off.

"This looks like a good place to camp!" said UAkira.

"There's no need to live outside like savages," Bulma replied. "I have my Dyno-Caps, remember?" She drew the package containing the capsules out of her belt pouch.

"What, do you have a tent in one of those things?" Goku asked.

"Well, no. Not exactly," Bulma replied as she opened the case.

Goku turned to her. "I don't like those magic witch bombs. Grandpa said never to use magic unless it's to help someone."

"Yeah, he did say that." Akira agreed.

Bulma chuckled as she drew a large capsule out of the case. "Well, I am going to help someone, silly. She's pretty and has blue hair."

Goku and Ukyo hid behind the motorcycle.

"What's the matter?" Bulma asked. "You're not afraid, are you?"

The twins shook their heads.

"Here it goes," Bulma said as she tossed the capsule.

It hit the ground a good distance away and exploded in a burst of yellow smoke. When the smoke cloud billowed away, Akira and Goku were shocked to see a moderately-sized, dome-shaped white house.

"There we go!" Bulma said cheerfully as she made her way over to the house. "Now doesn't that look cozy?" S

he turned to see Goku and Akira staring at the house, mouths agape. "C'mon, guys. What are you waiting for?"

Goku promptly drew the Power Pole and sprang forward as Bulma opened the door, Akira doing the same with her fists raised.

"Get away from its mouth, Bulma!" Akira exclaimed. "We'll protect you from this monster!" Goku nodded in agreement.

Bulma rolled her eyes. "Thanks. That's noble of you, but it's just a house," With that, she reached inside the house and pressed a button inside, causing the lights to turn on. "See?"

Goku and Akira entered the house, surprised.

"Whoa!" Goku exclaimed. "You made it light, but it's still getting dark out!"

Bulma removed her leather biker jacket and propped it up on a red leather chair.

"Chill out. It's a little something we call 'electricity,'" she looked at the twins with a raised eyebrow. "Were you two transported here from the Stone Age or something?"

Ukyo and Goku looked around in surprise.

"Wow!" Akira said. "This is amazing!"

Unbeknownst to the two, they were approaching a TV set. Bulma grinned mischievously, silently picking up the remote and turning the TV on.

A loud blast of music assaulted the twins, and they jumped in surprise, seeing the image of a man with wild orange hair playing a guitar.

"Oh, no!" Goku yelled. "That guy's trapped, and he's trying to break the glass by playing that horrible music!"

Ukyo grimaced and covered her ears. "You're not kidding about the horrible music part!"

Bulma snickered at the children's naïvety before changing the channel to a soap opera, the picture depicting a well-dressed dark-haired man holding a blonde woman in his arms. The two on the screen talked about how they loved each other and had waited so long for this as they leaned in to kiss, Goku and Akira looking on in confusion. They looked over to Bulma, who was staring at the screen in a trance... and drooling.

Goku noticed the remote in her hand and took it, Bulma too entranced by the soap opera to notice.

"Goku, what's that thing?" Akira asked. Goku shrugged.

"One little kiss..." Bulma said in a dazed tone as she watched the screen. "Just one..."

The on-screen couple's lips were mere inches apart as romantic music played. "Yes... almost there!"

Suddenly, the image on the screen changed to that of a monstrous lizard that breathed fire. Bulma shrieked in surprise, falling back on her rump as Goku and Akira pointed and laughed.

"Shut up!" Bulma snapped, glaring at them. Akira tilted her head quizzically at the older girl.

"Are you getting hungry, Bulma?" she asked. "You're drooling."

Bulma turned beet-red before wiping her lip. "Now I'm embarrassed," she said sheepishly, before sniffing the air and grimacing.

"What's that horrible smell?" she asked, before turning to the twins, realizing it was coming from them and holding her nose. "Ugh! Goku, Akira, you two need a bath!"

Akira and Goku exchanged looks in confusion before turning to her and asking, in perfect sync, "What's a bath?"

Bulma gasped. "I can't believe you're asking me that!"

A look of dread crossed her face before she added, "I guess I gotta show you."

A few minutes later...

Goku and Akira stripped out of their clothes and pit them in a nearby hamper before picking up a nearby towel and looking at it with interest.

"We civilized people call that a towel," Bulma said, holding the shower head and a brush. "Now let's get this over with. Hop in, you two."

The twins walked over, stark naked, the towel still in their hands.

"So this is a bath?" Akira asked, glancing at the tub.

Bulma took one glance at them and shook her head. "You're supposed to cover up your front with that towel!" she shouted.

Goku looked at the towel and covered up his face. "Like this?"

Bulma pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance and fought down the urge to scream. Steady, Bulma, she thought. It's all gonna pay off soon enough.

Goku and Akira got in the tub, and Bulma set about wetting them down and scrubbing their heads with shampoo.

"Why are you putting this fluffy stuff in our hair?" Goku asked.

"It's called shampoo," Bulma replied as she scrubbed their heads. "And I'm putting it in your hair to clean it. I don't do this very often, y'know. You should consider yourselves lucky."

She turned on the shower head and rinsed the two off. "Honestly, Goku, no wonder your hair stands up. It's never been washed."

"No, that's just how his hair naturally is," Akira said matter-of-factly as the two rubbed the water out of their eyes. At that moment, Bulma took notice of their tails, taking them in one hand each.

"How do these things stay on?" she asked. "I thought they were attached to your pants! What do you do, super-glue them to your butts?" Bulma started to tug on the tails.

"Ow!" Goku shouted. "What are you doing?!"

"Bulma, stop it! That hurts!" Akira yelled.

"I'm trying to take these things off so I can wash your backs properly!" Bulma replied.

Goku shook his head. "Hey, that's okay. We can wash our own backs."

Much to Bulma's surprise, Goku's tail actually moved, winding around the brush in her hands and taking it before using it to scrub his back.

"See?" Goku said. "It's easy!" He finished and handed the brush to his sister. "Your turn, Akira."

Akira promptly took the brush in her own tail and started scrubbing her own back.

Bulma gaped in shock, and then finally let out a shocked scream.

"N-no way," she said. "Those tails moved! That means... they're real!"

Another few minutes later...

Akira, Goku, and Bulma were now in the bedroom, Goku and Akira drying themselves off while Bulma sat on the bed, still taken aback from the discovery that their tails were real.

"Guys?" Bulma asked in shock. "Why do you two have tails growing?"

Akira shrugged. "I don't really know why. We just thought that most people had one."

"All boys, anyway," Goku added. "It's no big deal. It's just the way we are."

That got Bulma thinking.

Maybe they're right, she said to herself. I've never really seen other people take a bath before, so I guess I can't be sure. Maybe they just keep them tucked in their pants or something. How bizarre...

Out loud, she said, "I can't believe I'm a teenager and I'm just now finding it out."

Akira placed a finger on her chin in thought. "You can't really say all boys, Goku. Our grandpa didn't have a tail."

Goku looked up thoughtfully. "Yeah, that's right."

Bulma sprang up from the bed. "See? Normal people don't have tails, or your grandpa would've had one, too!"

Goku smiled. "But our grandpa was a very odd fellow, y'know!"

"He said so himself!" Akira said, giggling.

Bulma scowled. "You're the real oddballs!"

If Goku and Akira were offended by Bulma's insult, they didn't show it as they put their respective gi back on.

"So that was a bath, huh?" Goku said.

"It was... nice." Akira remarked.

Bulma sighed. "A bath sounds so wonderful right now..."

Yet another few minutes later...

Bulma sighed contentedly as she slid into the bubble bath.

"There's nothing like a long, hot bath to melt a woman's cares away, that's for sure," she said to herself. She turned her head to the side, sighing happily-

-and saw Goku and Akira standing in the bathroom, looking at her curiously.

Bulma let out a loud shriek and dove into the water, popping her head up to glare at the monkey twins.

"What the hell are you doing?!" she screamed. "Can't you two see I'm taking a bath?!"

"We wanted to help you scrub your back," Goku said. "Y'know, since you don't have a tail."

"No way!" Bulma shouted, waving a hand at them. "I can scrub my own back! Now get out of here! Shoo, shoo!"

Akira raised an eyebrow. "I don't get it, Bulma. You were gonna help us scrub our backs."

"You two are little kids, and I'm practically a full-grown woman! There's a big difference!" Bulma replied.

"There is?" Goku and Akira said in sync.

"Yes, there certainly is!" Bulma said, before adding to herself, "But we're not going to get into that right now."

"Hey, you don't have to be ashamed," Goku said simply.

Now Bulma was offended. "What in the world are you talking about?! I happen to be one of the most beautiful girls you'll ever see, so what do I have to be ashamed of, buster?!"

"Not having a tail." Akira said simply, Goku nodding in agreement.

Bulma's features went from angry and fiery to almost tranquil, but still annoyed. "

That's it," she said in an eerily calm voice. "Get out of my face."

"But we wanna help!" Goku objected.

"Beat it." Bulma said, her voice a bit more annoyed.

"Oh, come on!" Goku whined.

Bubbles started to foam out of the water, and it was that moment that Akira realized that they had just opened the gates of Hell.

"Uh, Goku?" she said, tugging on her brother's arm. "I think we better go."

Goku looked at her.

"Why?" he asked, but Akira was spared the effort of an answer when Bulma rose up in a rage, grabbing brushes, bottles, and whatever else she could get her hands on and throwing them at the two, sending them running out in a panic.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Bulma exploded. "GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM AND STAY OUT! AND FOR THE LAST TIME, I DON'T WANT A STUPID TAIL!"

One last projectile, a bottom of shampoo, flew through the air and bounced off of Goku's forehead, the boy showing no reaction.

Akira looked at her brother. "We really should've just let her wash her own back, Goku."

Some time later...

Bulma, now dressed in a pink nightshirt with her hair tied in a ponytail on the left side of her head, brushed her hair out while blow-drying it.

"It's about time I got a little bit of privacy!" she said to herself.

"Bulma?" came Goku's voice, and she saw the twins standing in the mirror behind her. "We're hungry."

That did it. Bulma lost her temper.

"Will you two just get out of here?!" she exploded, before putting the brush and hairdryer down and burying her face in her arms, quietly sobbing.

Do I really want the Dragon Balls this badly? she thought.

Emperor Pilaf's Castle, Diablo Desert

Meanwhile, far to the west sat a large castle with several domed roofs, which belonged to Emperor Pilaf. And inside the castle, the diminutive self-proclaimed emperor was enjoying a meal while Shu knelt before him.

"Well, did you bring me a Dragon Ball, Shu?" Pilaf asked expectantly.

Shu shook his head. "No, sire. I-I got real hungry, so I came back."

Pilaf scowled, dropping a ham bone into the plate before him.

"Imbecile! You won't get so much as a bone until you bring me another Dragon Ball!" he snapped, wiping his mouth.

"But, sire!" the ninja dog whimpered. "I'm so hungry that I can't even think!"

Pilaf shrugged, uncaring. "That's a good thing, Shu. You'll have to trust me on that."

He emitted a belch before lifting up a small green box, opening up to reveal the one-star Dragon Ball he had found and letting out an ecstatic sigh.

"Look how it sparkles so brilliantly, and yet it is only one piece to the puzzle! I have to have those other six Dragon Balls!" he exclaimed.

Shu raised an eyebrow. "But, why, sire? Isn't one enough?"

Pilaf pounded the table with his fist before standing up in his chair and pointing a finger at Shu.

"Of course one isn't enough!" he snapped, causing Shu to recoil in fear. "If I pulled out all of your teeth except one, would that one be enough to chew with?! No! If I cut off all of your paws except one, would that one be enough to run with?! No!"

Shu just sat there in terror as Pilaf continued. "Do you see my point now, Shu? I can't rule the world with one ball! Can you understand that?!"

Shu nodded. "Yes, I think so. But isn't the world an awfully big place? How can one person rule the whole thing?"

Pilaf composed himself, smirking. "Well, you have to be able to delegate, Shu. And I've always been good at telling other people what to do. Bossing people around is one of my strong points."

Shu nodded again. "Right, that's true, sire."

"There are other requirements, Shu," Pilaf went on. "You have to be able to think big. Not small, big!"

He smiled and pointed a finger at himself. "And though small in stature, I think very big!"

Pilaf started to get worked up as he glanced down at his hands, clenching them into fists. "I have all the qualities needed to rule the world! What I don't have are those other six Dragon Balls! You dolt!"

As Pilaf screamed in frustration, a low tooting sound was heard.

"Uh-oh," Shu said simply as a horrid smell reached his nose and what appeared to be steam streamed out from Pilaf's back.

Pilaf let out a sheepish laugh and blushed slightly before suddenly glaring at Shu. "Did you hear that?" he asked, his voice taking on a low, dangerous tone.

Shu just looked at him nervously. "I think you did," Pilaf said.

Shu panicked, shaking his hands.

"No, sire!" he exclaimed. "It wasn't me! I swear!"

At that, Pilaf sprang off of his chair.

"We'll see about that!" he yelled, dashing over to a button on the wall right next to the door and pressing it. Suddenly, panels in the floor and ceiling opened up, and robotic arms telescoped out, grabbing the terrified Shu by his wrists and ankles and lifting him into the air, holding him spread-eagle style.

"Note to me," Pilaf said casually as he ducked under one of the arms. "I must remember to move that button to a closer spot."

"Please let me go, sire!" Shu begged. "I didn't do anything!"

"Are you saying that I would be capable of such a gross emission?!" Pilaf demanded.

"Oh, no! Please, sire!" Shu pleaded, but Pilaf ignored him.

"I'll not tolerate this kind of outburst from one of my agents!" he shouted. "I'm afraid the time has come to trim the staff a bit."

Scowling, he ran over to a nearby chest and removed a chainsaw, revving it up and advancing on Shu menacingly with it.

Shu panicked, tears spilling from his eyes.

"Don't chop me up! I admit it, sire! I did it!" he screamed. "I pooted! I farted! I passed gas! Guilty as charged! Woo-hoo, did I let out a stinker?!"

Smiling, Pilaf lowered the chainsaw and shut it off.

"That's better," he said. "I'll let this one go because you were honest. Just make sure it doesn't happen again. Is that clear, Shu?"

"Yes, sire!" Shu replied, breathing a sigh of relief. "I'll try to contain myself."

"Emperor Pilaf!" another voice, slightly muffled, sounded from the ceiling.

"Hmm?" Pilaf said, looking up at the ceiling. "That sounded like Agent Mai."

As if on cue, a panel on the ceiling opened up, and Mai dropped down, landing perfectly and kneeling before Pilaf.

"Sire, Agent Mai reporting as ordered." she said respectfully as Pilaf approached.

"Well, what's the news?" Pilaf demanded. "Did you bring me back another Dragon Ball?"

Mai shook her head. "No, sire. But I do have some valuable information."

"Is it about the Dragon Balls?" Pilaf asked expectantly. "Well?!"

Mai lifted her head. "Yes. A deep cover agent of ours landed in a place known as Skull Valley. Just before he left his biplane, he reported seeing a mysterious light with a bright glow."

That got Pilaf's attention. "Was the light a Dragon Ball?"

Mai shrugged. "We don't know, sire. He disappeared. We never heard from him again."

Pilaf stroked his chin as if he had a beard.

"Hmmm..." he said to himself before turning to Shu and Mai. "Take Shu with you and see if there's a Dragon Ball over there."

Shu was reluctant. "But, sire!" he objected. "I have obedience school today!"

"Never mind that!" Pilaf snapped. "We need a disposable agent like you on this mission, Shu! Now go get me a Dragon Ball."

"Yes, sire," Mai and Shu said in sync, Mai bowing her head respectfully before rising and exiting the room, leaving Shu suspended in mid-air. After a moment, Shu spoke up.

"Ummm, could you put me down now, sire? Please?"

Mount Paozu, Bulma's Camp

Goku and Akira stared quizzically at the food Bulma had placed before them. Bread, salads, and two mugs of coffee.

"So, this is it, huh?" Goku asked before lifting a loaf of bread and taking a bite, gagging after a few minutes. "Eww, yuck! This bread stuff doesn't have any flavor!"

Ukyo took a sip from her mug and shuddered. "And this soup's bitter, too!"

"That's not soup, it's coffee," Bulma said, sipping from her own mug. "And how do you two expect to grow big and strong if you don't eat right?"

Akira and Goku stood up from their chairs at that.

"Y'know, you're right," Goku said. "Thanks for the advice, Bulma!"

The two went over to where their shoes were, putting them on.

Bulma took a bite out of her own salad before looking at the twins curiously. "Where do you think you're going?"

"We're gonna go get some food that will make us big and strong," Akira replied as Goku strapped the Power Pole across his back.

"We'll bring some back!" Goku replied as they opened the door.

"You might wind up being food yourself if you're not careful out there," Bulma warned. "I wouldn't do it!"

But it was too late. The twins had already shut the door behind them.

Bulma sighed. With all that I've had to put up with these crazy kids so far, she thought, my wish better damn well be worth it.

Mount Paozu, East District

Goku and Akira bounced rapidly through the trees before landing perfectly on the ground, a small red centipede in Goku's hand.

"Wow, slim pickings so far, Goku," said Akira, pointing at the centipede. "Bulma could probably eat that whole centipede by herself."

"We're gonna have to do better than that." Goku admitted.

At that moment, they heard a loud droning sound, and looked up to see a large airplane fly overhead. Of course, since the two had never seen an airplane before, they thought it was something else.

"A bird! Wow!" Goku exclaimed.

Akira smiled. "That should be enough for all three of us! Let's get him, Goku!"

Mount Paozu, Skull Valley

Unbeknownst to Goku and Akira, the "bird" was an airplane being flown by Mai and Shu. Mai looked through the windshield.

"There's Skull Valley. It's right below us." said Mai.

Shu looked down nervously, not liking the looks of it. "Can we go back now and just say that we went?"

Mai shook her head. "No. We better check it out."

With that, she maneuvered the plane down to the ground, landing on a small rock formation and popping open the doors.

"Geronimo!" Shu yelled as he jumped out of the airplane.

"Shut up, Shu!" Mai hissed as she followed suit.

"Sorry," Shu said sheepishly.

"C'mon," Mai replied as they descended the rocks.

As they reached the bottom, Mai heard something crunch beneath her feet and looked down to see she had stepped on what appeared to be a wolf's skeleton. Horrified, the two looked around to see the ground literally covered with all manner of bones. It was clear how Skull Valley got its name.

"I want to chew on one of these bones, but I'm too scared." Shu whimpered, holding onto Mai in fear.

"Let's just make sure we leave with our own bones," Mai said shakily, before a red glow appeared in the darkness across from them, blinking on and off. The two quickly took notice of it.

"What is that?" Shu asked, pulling away from Mai.

"I don't know," Mai replied. "It... could be a Dragon Ball. Let's check it out."

The two villains made their way forward nervously, bones crackling under their feet. Without warning, they heard two triumphant yells and, startled, turned to see two figures spring down from the sky, landing perfectly on a dead branch jutting out from the cliff wall before bouncing off of the plane and landing before them.

Much to Shu and Mai's surprise, the newcomers were two kids that looked to be around eleven or twelve years old, one boy and one girl, both with black hair and eyes and dressed in martial arts uniforms. The boy held what appeared to be a centipede in his hands.

It was none other than Akira and Goku, who had followed their plane all the way to the valley.

"Those kids like to jump," Shu said simply.

"They're hoppers, all right," Mai replied, before turning to the twins. "Beat it, kids, before you get hurt."

Akira glared daggers at the older woman.

"You beat it!" she snapped. "We're not going anywhere!"

"That's our big birdie!" Goku added, gesturing to the plane. "We saw it first, so you two just stay away!"

Shu looked at the twins like they were crazy. "What in the world are they talking about?"

Mai shrugged. "Beats me. But I think I hear your mommy calling."

Almost as soon as those words left Mai's lips, numerous red glowing red dots appeared in the darkness all around them, accompanied by an ominous growling. One of the dots stepped out of the shadows, revealing it to be an intimidation, hungry wolf.

The others followed suit, and soon, the four were surrounded on all sides by a massive wolf pack.

Shu gulped. "Those lights weren't Dragon Balls!"

"No kidding!" Mai said nervously.

Goku and Akira, however, had a different reaction.

"This is great!" Goku said excitedly. "Now there's enough for all of us!"

Akira licked her lips, drooling slightly. "All right! Yummy!"

The wolves pounced at that, and Shu and Mai dashed off towards their plane, screaming in fear. Goku and Akira were ready, and attacked the wolves themselves, dodging the canines' lunges and bites and knocking them senseless with various punches and kicks, laughing cheerfully all the while.

"This is it, Mai!" Shu's voice reached their ears, and they turned to see a wolf about to take a bite of the fleeing Shu's rear. Ukyo sprang into action, kicking the wolf away while Goku drew the Power Pole and started bashing the wolves with it.

Shu and Mai reached their plane, started it up, and took off.

"That was close!" Mai said, breathing a sigh of relief as they did. On the ground, Akira took notice of the plane flying up.

"Goku, the bird!" she shouted. "It's getting away!" Goku glared up at it.

"Oh, no you don't!" he yelled, taking off in a run with Akira right behind him, several wolves dashing after them and dogpiling them as they ran. Goku jammed the Power Pole into the ground.

"Power Pole extend!" he shouted, and right on cue, the pole stretched, Akira grabbing on as they were lifted into the air, the wolves losing their grip and falling.

Akira sprang off of the pole, letting out a battle cry as she delivered a powerful flying karate kick to the escaping plane, knocking it out of the sky and sending it and its occupants careening to the ground, where the plane detonated into a large explosion.

Goku and Akira dashed to the crash site and saw the ruined plane, Goku tapping it with the Power Pole.

"Doggone it!" Goku said. "This bird's rock-hard!"

Akira smiled. "Well, we might not have a big bird, but we can still have some fresh wolf."

Goku perked up instantly. "That's great!"

As the two rushed back to the valley to get said food, Shu and Mai were hanging from a nearby tree, battered, dazed, and slightly baked, but alive.

"We're gonna have to report this to the emperor, aren't we?" Mai asked nervously.

Shu nodded, nervously gulping. "This is gonna suck."

Mount Paozu, Bulma's Camp

Bulma sat peacefully in the house, reading a teen magazine.

"Bulma! We're back!" Goku's voice came from outside the door.

"And we brought food!" Akira added.

Bulma marked her place on the magazine and went to get the door.

"They're alive, after all," she said, pleasantly surprised. "Well, I'll be damned."

She opened the door to see Goku and Ukyo smiling triumphantly, something strung across Akira's back. Goku raised up the centipede he still had in his hands.

"If you think that appetizer looks good, take a look at the main course!" Akira said happily, dropping it at Bulma's feet. It was a dead wolf.

Bulma glanced at the wolf in horror before letting out a loud scream and slamming the door in their faces.

Goku looked at the door quizzically. "Well, I guess she's not hungry."

Akira shrugged. "Oh, well. More for us."

Before long, the two had started up a fire, the centipede impaled on a stick like a marshmallow and the wolf skewered on a makeshift spit, Akira turning the spit slowly to cook the wolf thoroughly.

"Are you serious about not eating, Bulma?" Goku called back to the house. "This is looking pretty good!"

"Last chance!" Akira added.

"You two are grossing me out!" Bulma shouted. "I can't believe you're gonna eat that!"

Goku shrugged. "Okay then. You had your chance."

When the wolf was fully cooked, Akira wrenched off its tail and bit into it like a chicken leg, while Goku split the centipede with her. Between the two hungry twins, the wolf was eventually nothing but bones. Leaving the remains by the campfire, they reentered the house, both letting out satisfied burps.

"Oh, my God!" Bulma shouted in disgust. "That is so disgusting!"

"It was yummy!" Akira retorted. "You missed out on some good food."

Bulma recoiled at the stench of Ukyo's breath. "You need to brush your teeth, kid!"

Goku looked at her. "Huh?"

"I don't wanna smell your nasty old wolf breath!" Bulma snapped.

Akira, however, was much more interested in Bulma's bed. She sprang up on top of it and started bouncing up and down on her back, giggling madly.

"Wow! What a soft bed!" she exclaimed. "Goku, you gotta try this!"

Goku obediently got on the bed and started bouncing up and down himself, also on his back.

"You're right, Akira! It is soft!" he said, laughing. "I can bounce like this all night! C'mon, Bulma! There's room for all three of us!"

Bulma raised an eyebrow. "

Room?" she said. "What are you talking about? We're not sleeping together." She laid a sheet out on the ground next to her bed, along with a large blanket and some extra pillows. "You two are sleeping on the floor."

That got the two to stop bouncing.

"Are you serious?" Goku said, sounding disappointed.

"Yes," Bulma said simply. "You're used to roughing it, aren't you? People who eat centipedes shouldn't mind sleeping on the floor."

Akira folded her arms behind her head. "No, we don't mind. But I hope it's not because you're still mad about not having a tail."

Bulma lost her temper at that. How many times did she have to tell them before they got the damned hint?

"GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK HEADS! I DON'T WANT A TAIL!" she screamed. Akira covered her ears.

"Okay, okay!" she shouted. "Man, what a grouch!"

Seconds later...

Bulma filled a mug of water from the bathroom sink. "There we go," she said as she began to brush her teeth. She looked out the door at Goku and Akira, who had gotten comfortable under the covers on their makeshift bed.

"Hey, guys?" she asked. "Why did you live with your grandpa, anyway? What happened to your parents?"

Goku shrugged. "We're not sure what happened to them."

"Our grandpa found us on the mountainside on a little bed of moss when we were just babies," Akira added, recalling the story Gohan had always told them.

"So he picked us up and took us home!" Goku finished, laughing happily.

Bulma spit into the sink and rinsed off her brush, exiting the bathroom. "Did you know you don't have to keep a tail just 'cause you were born with one?" she asked. "Some dogs actually get their tails while they're still small."

"You shouldn't have let them do that to you, Bulma," Goku said, a goofy smile on his face. "You're no dog!"

Again, Bulma erupted. "I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT ME, LAME-BRAIN! I NEVER HAD A TAIL!"

However, she was surprised to see that Goku and Akira had somehow managed to fall asleep either before or during her little rant, Goku's arm around Akira in a protective hug.

Bulma growled to herself. "I don't know what planet these kids are from, but it's not Earth!" She let out a sigh, before crawling into her own bed and turning off the lights.

The next morning...

Goku woke up early to see the sun shining, but Akira was still asleep. Gently removing his arm from his sister, he stood up and yawned to see Bulma sprawled all over the bed, snoring.

"I guess it's not time to get up yet," he said to himself, before seeing that there was still plenty of room on Bulma's bed. Goku smiled.

"See? I told you there was enough room for both of us!" Goku said happily, climbing up into the bed with Bulma and gently resting the back of his head on her pelvis. After a moment, however, he realized something was wrong.

He didn't feel anything below his head.

"Huh?" he said to himself, sitting up slightly and patting Bulma's crotch with his hand.

"Strange," he said, feeling nothing. "Where'd you put your balls?" His curiosity peaked, he removed Bulma's underwear to take a closer look, and recoiled in shock.

There really was nothing there!

Goku let out a terrified scream that reverberated through the house. Bulma quickly jolted up, oblivious to what Goku had just done, while Akira did so much slower.

"Is it morning already?" Akira murmured sleepily, before seeing Goku huddled in a corner, looking as if he had seen a ghost.

"What's going on?!" Bulma said in surprise. Akira sprang up, now wide awake.

"Goku, what happened?!" she exclaimed.

"Y-your balls..." Goku said to Bulma, sounding horrified

"The balls?!" Bulma exclaimed, not understanding. "Oh, God! Where are they?!"

"They're gone... they're gone... they're gone..." Goku stammered.

"WHAT?!" Bulma shrieked. "You're kidding me! How?!"

Goku shook his head. "I... don't know!"

Of course, Bulma had no way of knowing what Goku meant. She assumed he meant the Dragon Balls.

"Please, no!" she screamed, dashing over to her bag and removing the Dragon Balls. Bulma breathed a sigh of relief.

"Phew," she said. "Thank goodness! They're all here, Goku. You must have been dreaming. Man, you really had me scared!"

While confused, Goku decided to let the matter drop, and sat impatiently while Bulma sat at her vanity and brushed her hair.

"My gosh, Bulma!" he complained. "How long is this gonna take?"

Bulma frowned. "Look, nobody asked for your commentary. Besides, you didn't have to wake us up at this insane hour! Early birds. You can have your nasty old worm!"

Akira and Goku looked dully at the coffee pot, which was brewing fresh coffee.

"Well, you're moving so slow, I wouldn't be surprised if you turned into a turtle." Akira said flatly.

"You two can go out in public with your hair sticking out all over if you want to, but not me," Bulma replied, pouring herself a cup of coffee. "Would either of you like a cup of coffee?"

"No way!" Goku replied. "It doesn't taste good, and it makes me feel funny!"

"Me too!" said Akira. "C'mon, Goku, let's get some exercise."

With that, the two exited the house, unaware that a mysterious creature was approaching the house...

A few minutes later...

Goku and Akira exited the house, talking amongst themselves.

"So, that's what you were talking about when you said her balls were gone?" Akira asked as Goku finished the story.

Goku nodded. "It scared the poo out of me."

Akira raised an eyebrow. "But Goku, I don't have balls either."

Goku let out a sheepish laugh. "Well, Bulma said that you'd look more like her when you got bigger, so I thought they'd... grow in."

Akira tilted her head in thought, then nodded. "I can see why you'd think that."

With that, the two ran over to a large rock. Akira grabbed onto it from below and, with great effort, lifted it into the air. Her small but powerful arms flexed, and she crushed the rock into small pieces with her bare hands.

Goku clapped his hands at the sight before dashing over to a rock of his own and lifting it up.

"Whoa!" a new voice came, startling the Sons.

"What in the world?!" Goku exclaimed.

Akira yelped and leaped backwards. It wasn't a rock Goku had grabbed. It was a giant turtle.

Goku screamed and dropped the turtle on the ground.

"Ow! That's a new pain." the turtle said, his voice somewhat dopey.

"Oh, my gosh!" Akira said. "Bulma really did turn into a turtle!"

Goku approached the turtle. "Boy, I guess this really changes our plans a bit, huh?" The turtle just looked at him curiously.

"Goku? Akira?" came Bulma's voice from the house. The twins turned to see Bulma peering out from the house. "Who are you two talking to out here?"

The twins looked from Bulma to the turtle and back again, as Bulma noticed the turtle herself.

"Who's this?" she asked.

"We thought he was you!" Akira said.

Bulma just looked at her and rolled her eyes before turning to the turtle. "Strange. A sea turtle shouldn't be living around here. Aren't you supposed to be living by the sea?"

The turtle nodded. "Yeah. And I'm very concerned about being so far from home," he said. "By the way, do you have any salt water?"

Bulma nodded. "Sure, we'll fix you right up."

Seconds later...

Bulma, Goku, and Akira stood by as the turtle greedily slurped salty water from a large bucket. Finishing, he let out a small burp.

"Good seawater," he said. "Aeromatic, yet full-bodied."

"Yeah, I think it's an '87," Bulma replied.

"Nope, '86." the turtle replied after a moment.

Bulma raised an eyebrow. "Really?" she said flatly. "Are you sure about that?"

The turtle nodded. "I know my water."

"So, what are you doing out here, Mr. Turtle?" Akira asked.

"Well, to make a long story incredibly short, I'm lost," the turtle replied. "It's that simple. I'm lost! I've been trying to find my way back to the sea for over a year now."

Akira looked at him with sympathy. "That's so sad," she said.

"But you're still not anywhere near the sea," Bulma said. "Hold on. Let me go check my map. Wait here a second."

With that, she entered the house and exited with a map. "Bad news. You're still a hundred miles away."

The turtle's head drooped. "Great. That'll take me twenty years."

"Gosh, that sounds like a long time," said Goku.

"I wish there was a way we could help you," Bulma said.

At that, Goku snapped his fingers.

"I know!" he said. "Would you like us to carry you to the sea, Mr. Turtle?"

The turtle turned to him, laughing happily. "Why, yes! Thank you!"

Bulma turned to Goku as well.

"Are you nuts?!" she snapped. Akira looked back at her.

"But you just said that you wished we could help him," she pointed out. "So why don't we just take him to the sea?"

"I didn't mean that for real, Akira!" Bulma replied. "We're on an adventure! We don't have time to transport a beached turtle, okay?!"

Akira glared at her. "No, it's not okay!"

"You're impossible!" Goku added.

Bulma was incensed. "I'm impossible?! What do you mean by that?!"

"If we're so pressed for time, why did you just spend the whole morning in front of the mirror worrying about your hair?" Akira asked.

"Fine, then!" Bulma replied. "You two can help the stupid turtle if you want! I can find the Dragon Balls by myself!"

"Have it your way, then," Akira said as Goku hoisted the turtle up on his back.

"Are women like this where you come from?" Goku asked the turtle.

The turtle shook his head as Goku started running. "No, most have tails."

"Hey, Goku! Wait for me!" Akira shouted as she ran after him, Bulma sticking her tongue out at the three.

"Sure! Be that way!" she shouted after them. "I hope you get a backache, you little turd!"

The two ran on, not stopping. Bulma humphed.

"Man, what geeks!" she muttered. "I don't need their stupid help anyway! I can handle whatever comes my way on my own!"

No sooner had she said that did she hear a loud roar, and turned to see a large T-Rex stomping his way through the woods. That did it.

Bulma got on her motorcycle and sped after them. "Stop!" she screamed. "Stop, or I'll run you down! Goku, Akira, I mean it!"

The turtle turned to Goku and Akira. "We better stop," he said. "That girl scares me."

Goku smirked at her. "Careful. You could mess up your hair riding on that thing."

"Knock it off!" Bulma snapped. "I decided to forgive you." With that, she revved on ahead.

"What's the matter? Scared?" Akira quipped as she and Goku fell in step beside her.

"Me? Scared?" Bulma replied. "Give me a break!"

The group continued down the path, trading quips and barbs all the while.

Author's Note:

Longest chapter yet. My poor fingers...

Next chapter, our trio runs into Master Roshi and obtains the Flying Nimbus. Tune in next time for The Nimbus Cloud of Roshi.

Please R&R. Until next time, everybody!