So, this is it! Jane thought and rubbed her sweaty hands on her pants. This would be the day where they would try to make a baby. Maura chuckled nervously as she dropped an orange to the floor while they were both hoovering around the kitchen to get ready for work.

The air was filled with all sorts of feelings like excitement, fear and nervousness which completely messed with their morning routine. None of them should probably drive Jane thought as she fumbled with the shifting stick. None of them had expected this to be so emotional.

One last hug and one last kiss was exchanged before each walked into separate elevators driving into different directions. Jane was walking into the bullpen where some detectives were still rubbing the sleep out of their eyes. Some were tired from working all night.

The brunette greeted them with a smile as usual before she started to work on a report hoping that nothing unforeseen would come up and keep them at the precinct longer than their shift. The routine soon calmed her down and she managed to get everything done by lunchtime.

As she felt hungry after all this work, she messaged Maura to see if her wife had time to grab some food at the nearby Bistro they liked so much. Unfortunately, she hadn't, so Jane went alone. It was one of these rainy days, but despite this horrible weather the streets were crowded. Her eyes followed the passers by absentminded, while she took a bite of her Burger busy thinking about the evening.

Maura had invited her to a French restaurant to warm up for the events and Jane glanced at her watch to see that she had just enough time to find a nice dress to surprise her tonight. Maybe she would stop on her way home to buy flowers. It was not necessary, but she wanted this evening to be special.

R&I

"Maur!?" Jane yelled through the house in a not exact romantic way. "Where the hell are you?"

"I just want to make sure that.."

Jane sighed and got off the bed to pad into the kitchen to see her wife standing at the counter working on the turkey baster. Jane hadn't bothered to put some clothes on and was shivering slightly as it was a bit cold. Her arms wrapped around Maura's waist from behind and she rested her head on the blondes shoulder, pressing their bodies together.

"Come on, baby. Its fine. You already checked it a hundred times." The brunette whispered softly into her wife's ears. "I don't know if I can do this." The blonde suddenly said and dropped the baster. "Maybe we shouldn't…"

The brunette hitched a breath, surprised when seeing a stern look on Maura's face. Was her wife really having second thoughts or did she just have cold feet? Jane asked herself "But you wanted this so badly." She said, now wishing that she had at least put on a gown as it seemed that there would be a longer discussion.

"I know, Jane. But I mean, do we really want to start this diaper changing thing all over again?"

Jane had a hard time understanding what was going on here. The evening had been fine, and Maura had not once mentioned that she had second thoughts about the whole thing. "We could have talked Maur. If you had mentioned earlier that you aren't sure about this anymore." Jane stated as she leaned against the kitchen counter while the blonde started pacing.

"We can talk about it now, Jane." Maura replied.

Brownie who had been laying on his cushion in the corner of the room yawned and stretched. Sensing the tension, he left for his scratch tree in the living room. Janes eyes followed him and then focused back on Maura.

"All right." She muttered a bit angry, not knowing why. "Then we won't do it." Her lean body pushed away from the counter and she walked to get dressed leaving Maura behind in the kitchen. The blonde didn't follow her.

Jane sat down onto the bed, resting her back against the headboard. Her knees were pulled towards her body and her arms lay on them. She rubbed her face and tried to get hold of her emotions. Why was she so goddam mad at Maura? The question ran through her mind as her heart hurt. Maybe it even broke a little bit, feeling a loss. She had wanted this baby so much and felt sort of empty, even if it didn't make any sense to her because so far this baby had only been a fantasy.

If Maura hadn't started the topic it would all be fine. Of course, it was okay that her wife had changed her mind. But still…. The brunette wanted to hit something with her fist but held it under control. Tears were streaming down her face which she ended up burying between her knees.

A warm hand softly touched her shuddering shoulder. "I'm sorry, Jane. I freaked out. If you want this baby we can still make it."

"Maur, there is no sense in having a baby if we are not both into it." Jane growled dangerously in frustration. "Just tell me why you didn't tell me earlier that you had second thoughts? Tell me what changed your mind?" Her eyes bore into Maura's who swallowed at the stern look.

"I don't know." The blonde shrugged. "I just don't know. It just freaks me out you know?"

"You wanted to have this baby at the first place. I was totally fine!" the accusing voice even hurt Jane herself. She kind of shifted and slipped into Maura's arms. The blonde was crying now too. They clung to each other as if they were drowning. There was going to be no baby Jane thought. But they loved each other, and they would get over this. As much as this hurt, she respected Maura's choice.

R&I

When Jane awoke the next morning, she panicked. The other half of the bed was empty. It wasn't even warm anymore. When had Maura gotten up? Where was she? The brunette strained her ears, but she couldn't hear any sound.

They had ended up making love the previous night. It hat been kind of frantic and as if to get rid of the pressure and this raised more panic in Jane. She was just about to get up when the door opened slowly.

The blonde peeked her head into the room. Jane saw the tray in her wife's hands, containing delicious breakfast and most important: coffee. The brunette was craving for coffee. The last night had left her with a headache and sleep deprivation.

She could see that Maura had been crying earlier by the red, puffy eyes and felt sorry.

"What a mess." She mumbled as she reached over to tuck a strand of blonde hair behind Maura's ears.

"You must hate me." Maura whispered, fixing her eyes onto her hands in her lap.

"I could never hate you, Maur. I love you." She replied softly, wiping the single tear which was rolling down the blonde's cheek away. When Maura finally looked at her Jane smiled. "Okay. I hate you sometimes a tiny bit, when you drive me mad in a bad way. But its only temporarily." Jane admitted with a soft laughter.

Maura nodded and Jane could see that she wanted to say something. Therefore, she waited.

"You also drive me mad sometimes. Like when you leave your dirty clothes on the floor." Maura admitted. "But that's not the point. I shouldn't have done that to you yesterday. I just freaked out. Everything was fine until it was time to…" Maura took a deep breath. "I just panicked. But it's not that I don't want this baby. I want it very much. I wish so much that I could tell you what got into me last night, but I can't. Even after meditating for the last two hours over it."

The brunette gazed at Maura attentively and then bent over to plant a kiss on her mouth. She was sure that the blonde meant it when she said that she still wanted the baby and this was all she needed to know.

They ate in silence and then got ready for work.