Chapter Twenty-Two
Departure
It was the last time Lena would stand in this room. She took a moment to look around, unsure if her bedroom was something worth committing to memory. Her time with the Cullens' was anything but joyous, though she had some memories she hoped would not leave her for some time.
She looked at the dresser, at the empty walls, at her bed. Her suitcase sat on top of the white quilt, the contrast between the red plastic and the soft white of sheets harsh. On her pillow sat her embroidery ring, the tiny silver needle threaded through the fabric to keep her from losing it.
Two koi fish, splotches of orange and white against a pale blue base. The second had only half a tail, not quite finished. Her eyes lingered on it, and without thought she reached for it. She ran her fingertips over the stitches. Should she take it with her?
She looked at her suitcase and wondered if it would fit.
She decided she would try, and unzipped it. Spent another five minutes trying to rearrange her belongings to accommodate this last-minute addition, but in the end she managed to close the bag again.
She stood, and walked to the windows. The blackout curtains the Cullens ordered and hung for her were closed tight as always. Her fingers reached for the edge of the fabric, and she recalled the last time she looked out this window. She had been watching the girl, Renesmee, and her family run from her. For a moment, she stood there and mused over this fact. Where in the world were they now?
Then, with a flick of her wrist, she flung the curtain open. Late afternoon sunlight flooded into the room, spilling onto the floor and reflecting off of the exposed parts of her skin, little spots of white light scattering over the walls. She looked at her sparkling arm, and turned it over. Light danced over the floorboards. Realising now there wasn't much point in hating herself for it, she smiled. She was stuck with herself as she was now for the foreseeable future.
Downstairs, the Cullens gathered in the living room. They watched her come down the stairs.
Lena paused at the bottom of the staircase, gripping the banister in one hand and her bag in the other. She hadn't expected a farewell like this. She pictured leaving while they were nowhere to be found, pretending to be occupied when secretly they were watching her departure from their bedroom windows.
She wondered why they had bothered to say goodbye at all.
She was puzzled in particular by Carlisle's presence. She thought he would be the last person to want to see her off, and yet here he was. He stood by his wife and smiled politely, but it seemed forced. He looked more tired than usual, and his eyes - normally golden - were brown, like burnt butter.
"We wanted to say goodbye," Jasper said.
Lena nodded like it made sense, but none of it did. She went through the motions, hugging Emmett and Esme and Rosalie - though her grip around her was tighter than it needed to be, and Rosalie's nails dug into her back for a fraction of a second before she released her.
She stopped in front of Jasper, and he offered her a small smile she couldn't decipher. He pulled her into an awkward hug.
"I'm sorry to see you go like this," he said. "We'll have to postpone our training until we see each other again."
He let her go, and Lena blinked at him. She expected something else, though she wasn't sure what exactly. A muted sort of anger - especially after her harsh words about the Cullens last night - apparent in his tone. He didn't seem angry though, just upset that she was leaving. She could feel his emotion settling over her, something constricting that made her throat close. She frowned. Had he thought of her as a friend? She never realised. Between all his provocation and nagging, she figured he must have seen her as a nuisance.
"Sorry." He straightened up, and offered a small smile. "It's hard to control sometimes."
Carlisle was the last to bid her goodbye. He wouldn't look at her when he wished her safe travels. He held out his hand to her - the only one to offer her a handshake - and only then would he meet her stare.
Lena saw herself in his gaze, but not as a reflection. She was a shadowy figure buried deep in his eyes, held under the surface of a dark lake. There was no feeling, no emotion tying her spirit to herself, no rope she could tug on to pull her soul up. She was someone she could not call forth from his memories.
It was not possible to resurrect the living.
She realised then why he was doing this, why he was standing there smiling and waiting for her to leave, quietly anxious. He didn't want her to come back. He was afraid of her, and of what sort of trouble she could cause.
She was his failure, and potentially his most dangerous.
"Thank you for letting me stay," she said.
"I'm glad you enjoyed your time here. I hope you won't be offended when I ask you not to return too soon." He smiled good-naturedly, as if he could mask his true thoughts from her, but she had seen it - seen herself - and she knew all too well just how much she terrorised him now.
She smiled back at him. "I don't think I'll be back for a long time."
She meant it. She had grown to despise Forks, with all the rain and gloomy weather, and the fakeness that pervaded every square inch of this house. She hated it all.
Of course, she imagined she would still be a frequent visitor, if not in person then in thought. In deep, harrowing, haunting, inescapable thought.
There were twenty-four hours available to Carlisle in a day, and Lena hoped she plagued him every one of them.
She had no clear destination in mind, but she left the Cullens' house as if she did. She didn't want them to sense her uncertainty when she left. She knew they would mistake it for dependence, regret, a desire to stay.
She ran through the woods until she grew bored of it, and then walked - though her pace was still faster than a human's. She could never move at the crawl the Cullens did. It frustrated her.
She had grown tired of the woods, too. The forest became predictable far too quickly. Gnarled roots snagged at the wheels of her luggage, and the thing bumped over loose pebbles and uneven ground. She picked her suitcase up and held it awkwardly in her arms, pressed against her chest, the way one might pull a child into their embrace.
A gust of wind beside her signalled she was no longer alone. She had suspected it for some time, but began to think she was just imagining the light smell of musk and wood when she failed to glimpse Alistair nearby.
He walked beside her, joining her as if his presence was a given. But he wasn't like her at all. Wasn't carrying all his belongings, walking away from the home of a family he had torn apart.
"Did they send you to make sure I left their land?"
"They didn't send me at all," he said. "I decided to come with you."
She looked at him.
"Well, I thought it was time. I can only stand to be in the Cullens' presence for so long."
"You think I'm less annoying?"
"No, actually. I think you're much worse," he said with a teasing smile.
"I thought you didn't like people."
"Yes, people. You are only one," he said. "It would be a shame if we ran into another in our travels. I may have to swap you."
Lena didn't allow herself to so much as smile, knowing it would only encourage him to continue.
She tightened her grip on her luggage. The front of her shirt offered little friction against the smooth plastic, and the suitcase kept slipping from her hands.
She turned her attention to his empty hands. "Where are your things?"
"I'm a nomad," he said, as if it were a silly thing to ask. "I take what I need when I find it, and I leave it when it no longer serves a purpose."
She looked him over, seeing that he was wearing his typical attire - a dark shirt under a fur-lined coat, paired with black pants and worn leather boots. "But you wear clothes, at least. Where are your clothes?"
He looked down at himself. "I suppose I'll have to mug the next rich man we see, since you disapprove of my preferences."
Lena rolled her eyes and readjusted her grip on her slipping suitcase.
Alistair reached over and took it from her. "So, do you know where we are going, or are you walking aimlessly?"
Embarrassed, she didn't answer.
"I can't help but notice your sense of direction is somewhat lacking."
She shot him a glare.
"I only thought to offer to help," he said. "I'm the one with the tracking sense. Much more practical than your unholy-"
"Alistair," she said.
He dropped his head, but she could still see his pearly white teeth as he grinned. "Sorry."
They walked in silence for a while, the sun rapidly disappearing. What scraps of the sky Lena glimpsed through the treetops were purplish-grey, a multitude of clouds disturbing the pure colour. Soon, night would fall and it would begin to rain. She didn't know where the two were heading, or where they could seek shelter from the weather. Though they could not get sick, the feeling of wet clothes was never pleasant, and she now knew that Alistair only had what was on his back.
"Al," she called.
His head whipped around, and his bulging eyes flashed to her face. Startled.
"It's going to rain soon."
He peered up at the sky. Lena took the opportunity to admire his sharp jawline. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed.
"It always does here," he said, and looked back at her curiously.
"So," she said, "maybe we should find shelter."
He frowned. "What for?"
Lena forced herself to smile despite her growing irritation. Alistair liked this situation far too much. He was at home, she realised, walking through nature like this. Unbothered. The simple comforts Lena had spent her whole life indulging in - warm clothes from hours drying outside in the sun, hot sausage stew during the winter warming her belly, laying in bed and listening to the rain pelt against the roof - all of these were foreign concepts to him.
She supposed they would be to her, too, one day, but she didn't like thinking about that.
She turned and faced Alistair. "Do you think you can find somewhere, or do we need to ask someone for directions?"
He smiled. "I think I can manage."
thank u so much for reading! stay safe x
also, thank u Chloe for such a lovely review! i definitely agree that Lena is very different from the Cullens due to he nature of her transformation, and her social position in her human life. i always love hearing about what people think about my characters, so thank u so much for sharing ur thoughts x
and thank u Guest2 for ur review! i'm so happy ur enjoying the story so far :)