** In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have spread this portion of the story over a few chapters (sorry!) so trying to post these closer together. I can't guarantee further updates will be so quick though :'( (Also, you might recognize some traces of other canon works (novels, comics etc) in the dialogue - just a little homage I own nothing.)

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I will surrender tonight
Before we both lose this fight
Take my defenses
All my defenses

"Armor" - Landon Austin

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Rick feels better after the warmth of the shower, clear headed and almost fully human again, but when he pulls on the borrowed uniform and walks out of Lisa's bathroom, he knows he's a dead man walking.

Lisa is still so angry with him and now that he's breached her stockades and forced himself into the sanctuary of her quarters, he wonders if it was really the wisest course of action. But he's here now, and after trying to get her attention for days, he's selfish enough not to give up this chance.

For a long moment, he doesn't really know where to begin but eventually he starts with the simplest thing he can.

"Lisa, I'm sorry."

She doesn't respond straight away, but she doesn't snatch her hands away from him as though she has been burned either. He counts that as a small win at least. He stares down at her face as she stands in front of him, close enough that he can count the long dark lashes against her pale cheeks. Her hair catches highlights of gold in the light of her living room lamp and in the echoing silence, Rick's heart begins to thump with nerves he hasn't experienced in years.

After a moment more, her hands slip from his and then she's moving away, putting distance between them. He feels it acutely and he knows what she's trying to do. Her shields are going up, locking him out of her heart and he can't help but feel that he deserves it.

He watches silently as she goes to the kitchen to pour the tea but he doesn't follow. When she returns to hand him a mug, she won't meet his eye. But she takes a seat and gestures for him to do the same but the moment his backside hits the couch cushions, all the things he had been planning to say to her dry up and flitter out of his mind like dandelions on the wind.

An awkward silence reigns until Rick can't stand it any longer.

"Lisa, I-" he starts but Lisa cuts him off quickly. A cool mask has settled over her features, the same one he's used to seeing over the com, the one she uses in battle. It makes unease gather low in his gut. He doesn't want to fight with her. He doesn't want her to reinforce her defenses against him.

"You must have had quite a night out to end up here," she says flatly, staring into the middle distance. "Did you get lost?"

He clears his throat and stares at his feet. His shoes were still by the door and he wonders briefly how long until he's forced to put them back on and Lisa sends him on his way. "Uh. It was Bobby's bachelor party," he offers lamely.

"I gathered as much. But that doesn't answer my question."

He lifts his gaze to her. His voice grows soft. "I couldn't stop thinking about you, Lisa."

She's quiet for a moment, as though digesting that. Then she takes a sip of her tea. She still won't look at him, sitting primly on the edge of the sofa with her pale pink robe tugged as far over her knees as it can reach. She lifts her chin.

"Well, I suppose alcohol can distort reality a bit."

Rick frowns at her easy dismissal of his words. "That's not what it was."

"No?" she says, disbelieving. She shakes her head. "Then I suppose it was just because Minmei was too busy to take your calls, hmm?"

Rick stiffens involuntarily. Lisa glances at him, a tight line to her lips that should read triumphant that her barb struck home but doesn't quite reflect in her eyes. Rick's face flames, although he's not sure if it's from anger, frustration… or shame.

He forces himself to take a deep breath. "Alright," he says slowly. "I guess I deserve that."

Lisa's lips purse a little harder. He can sense she's spoiling for a fight and a few weeks ago he would have indulged her.

"Where were you today?" he asks instead. "I know you were supposed to be on shift."

The lines of temper fade from her face and Lisa turns away to stare out the window. The snow outside is still falling. It will be a winter wonderland outside come morning. "I wasn't feeling well."

Rick absorbs that. "It's because of me, isn't it? Because of what I did?"

Lisa scoffs lightly and shakes her head. She raises her eyes to the heavens and says to no one in particular, "why is it that men always seem to think the entire universe revolves around them?"

Rick's face heats again but he does his best to ignore the jab. He's not doing very well at this. A rising sense of trepidation fills him. If he doesn't get this right, he might well lose her forever and he's already off to a bad start. Up until now, he had genuinely believed she would forgive him and they would go back to their usual arrangement. After all, he tells himself once again, he had gone to see Minmei to close one chapter of his life for good – so he and Lisa could start theirs.

But he had gone about it all wrong. And now it seemed as though she could barely stand the sight of him.

Time to grow up, little brother.

"It wasn't what you think, Lisa. If you would just give me a chance to explain-"

"Well, it seems I don't have a choice now, do I? You're too stubborn to do something as simple as respect my wishes when I say I don't want to talk to you."

Rick winces inwardly at the truth of it and tries again. "I really am sorry, Lisa."

"Hmm," she murmurs. "You're saying that a lot but sorry for what exactly, Rick? For showing up here in the middle of the night? Or are you sorry for standing me up? Sorry for going to see Minmei perhaps? Or are you just sorry you got caught?"

"Caugh- Wait, what? Lisa, I… look, you've got this all wrong. I know now I made a mistake. I shouldn't have gone to Monument City that day but you see-"

Lisa cuts him off, impatient, angry and as sharp as a whip. "Well, why wouldn't you go? Minmei says jump and you say 'how high'. It's always been that way and more fool me to think it might ever change!"

Rick can't help feeling defensive under her pressed attack. It's never been in his nature to roll over and blithely take it, even when he was in the wrong and he's always been protective of Minmei, that much was true but… he also felt responsible for her, and probably always would. He's felt that way ever since he saw her waving at him through the cockpit of the veritech the day the world changed.

"That's not how it is," he protests but it feels weak even to him. "She's just… she's always so busy and I-"

"And you went running to her side like you always do! I get it, Rick, you love her. But what I don't understand is how you could leave me waiting there all that time."

"I tried to call you!"

"You didn't try hard enough! And then when I tried to track you down, I called the base to find out where you were, if maybe you had been injured-" She squeezes her eyes closed and her voice falls brokenly, anger finally giving away to hurt. "I've never felt so humiliated."

Rick feels sick. He was wrong to think that time would somehow soften Lisa towards him, that she might listen to his reasons why. He has no idea how to explain to her what he means when she's so uncompromising and boiling with hurt.

He catches the shimmer in Lisa's eyes and he thinks once again about Max and Bobby, their rowdy, drunken conversations about love and devotion at the bar. It had sparked something in Rick, shone a spotlight on something he wasn't sure he was ready to face yet, but that he knew he wasn't ready to give up on.

He places his tea on the small coffee table between them with a thunk when it lands a little too heavily in his frustration. He stands up and moves to her side. She looks up, startled, then tries to shuffle away when the cushions dip under his weight. She pulls her flimsy robe more tightly around her body.

"What are you doing?" she demands harshly but her voice trembles under her anger. He notices a glimmer on her cheek that might be a tear but she quickly turns her shoulder to him, shielding her face behind her hair.

It might as well be a stone wall.

"Lisa," he sighs softly, helpless but unwilling to give up. He needs her to understand. "I tried to tell you that day. It... it wasn't what you thought. I agreed to see Minmei to settle things, Lisa. I told myself it would be good for us, to finally put all that to bed."

She blinks at him, a smatter of confusion in her gaze but then her expression twists. "'All that?'" she echoes derisively. She shakes her head in disbelief but Rick ploughs on.

"My… my feelings for her. I wanted to tell her about us."

Lisa scoffs scathingly. "There is no 'us'."

Her scorn cuts deep but Rick knows Lisa is striking out because she's hurt. They've squabbled enough over the years that he knows her patterns now. He's no better. The jarring memory of that morning he showed up on the bridge and ranted at her before sidling up to Vanessa rings bright in his mind's eye. He'd been trying to hurt her then too.

But if this was ever going to work, one of them would have to be willing wave the white flag of surrender. "You don't mean that."

Lisa's temper surges again. "Don't tell me what I do or don't mean. I know my own mind. I'm not some simpering fool like- like-"

"Like Minmei?" he finishes warily. "That's what you wanted to say, isn't it?"

Lisa rounds on him, fists clenched and her voice climbs in volume. "She manipulates you, dangles her affection for you on a chain and you're too much of an idiot to see it!"

"Not anymore-" he shakes his head in protest, but Lisa isn't finished yet. She gives free rein to her fury that leaves him quaking in the face of her storm.

"For years I've watched you moon after her, worshipping her even when she barely has a breath to spare for you. How many times have you swooped in to save her, Rick? How many times have you laid your heart on the line for her and she's walked all over you? Because that's exactly what she's done, and it's exactly what she'll keep doing for as long as you let her!"

Lisa draws a breath, closing her eyes to centre herself. When she speaks again, her voice is quieter. More broken. She buries her face into her hands.

"She yanks on your chain and then you yank on mine and we all end up heartbroken for it. I can't do it anymore, Rick. I just can't."

The silence rings with a finality that has Rick's chest seizing. What… What does that mean? Is Lisa completely done with him? Has he ruined any chance he has of winning her back? It's as though she can't stand the sight of him and he feels weak at the thought.

"That's over now," he tries to say but Lisa holds up a hand to cut him off. The rest of his words die in his throat.

"It doesn't matter," she says but she won't meet his eye. Instead she lifts her chin and straightens her shoulders. "Whatever our private quarrels, we still have to work together. We have to move past this, and if that's going to be a problem for you, perhaps we should consider reassignment."

The floor all but falls out from under him and a chill slides down his spine. Rick realizes with startling, painful clarity that their fledgling relationship is well into its final death throes.

"Reassignment?" he splutters.

"It would be for the best. I'm sure Admiral Gloval wouldn't object to my taking on a bigger role on the factory satellite."

He stares at her profile, a dull, white static filling his brain. He can't fathom a world where they aren't together, where she's not the face he sees on the other side of his screen, where it's not her voice in his ear leading him home or when he's flying for his life.

And then the realization hits him hard that Lisa – staunchly dedicated to the service for all her life, a career military woman, a woman who had stared down Dolza in his prime and called his bluff – would willingly choose to walk away from her station because of him.

The breath is punched out of his lungs and he swallows hard. "Do… do you hate me that much?" he asks, trying to keep the grief out of his voice and failing.

Lisa shudders. It takes a long moment for her to answer and it's only then that he realizes she's crying. "No," she answers roughly. "And that's the tragedy of it. I never could."

Rick clings to that, a tiny sliver of hope when all seems lost.

He reaches out gingerly to touch her back. She flinches, but she doesn't shrug him away so his hand curls a little more securely around her shoulder. He tugs gently, drawing her around so that they're face to face.

Silent tears stain the corners of her eyes and his heart seizes at the sight of it. Without really thinking about what he's doing, he raises his hand and cups her cheek, brushing a thumb over the dampness and sweeping it away. Her eyes drift closed and it's almost as though she's holding her breath.

Sorrow fills Rick's chest. He's been a complete fool. He's wasted so much time and now it's too late.

It slides through him like a knife. Rick once thought Minmei had shown him what heartbreak felt like but the pain in his chest now far surpasses anything else.

But he's stubborn. And he refuses to let it end like this.

"Lisa, this can't be it. I won't let it be," he says. He can't understand his world without Lisa being a part of it, so he simply refuses to try. "I know I haven't given you a whole lot of reasons to trust me lately, and I've made some stupid mistakes in the past. I've been a fool and… and I've been selfish-"

Lisa makes a small noise of agreement that Rick chooses to ignore, "-but please give me another chance. Please, Lisa. Because I don't care about Minmei. It's you. For a long time, it's only been you."

"What?" she gasps. She draws back and as much as Rick wants to chase her warmth, he holds himself in check. The palm he used to cup her cheek drops to his lap. Lisa stares at him, confusion reigning in her eyes.

Confusion - and something else that Rick desperately wants to be hope. "What… what do you mean, Rick?"

Rick finds his throat thick. His heart thunders. There's the beginning of a thaw – incredibly faint but there. He can sense it in her stillness.

"You, Lisa," he says. He tries to smile but he feels too exposed, too raw. "I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner."

Lisa's mouth parts in a soft 'o' of surprise then the surprise fades. Her lips purse into a familiar tight line and she shakes her head. "Rick, I don't… I don't understand. You're not seeing Minmei anymore?"

Rick can't help himself. He laughs derisively, just a short mocking bark of laughter with a bitter edge. He shakes his head. "I never was. I mean- not in the way you thought. She wanted to see me to say thank you for saving her – as if I would ever need a thank you for doing my job!"

Lisa narrows her gaze and too late Rick recalls the kiss Minmei had laid on him after the mission to save her and Kyle was complete. He flushes with the memory. At the time he'd been so relieved to see her safe, basking in her gratitude after riding to her rescue like the hero he always wanted to be and the way she had kissed him… Well, it had been a balm to his ego. It was the grateful kiss he had imagined so many times in so many dreams over the years. Minmei had finally turned to him and saw him as something more but it had taken him a long time to realize her kiss had rung hollow. Not because he doubted her truth of her feelings, but because he had put those dreams away, tucked them aside like a treasured childhood toy to be fondly remembered but left in the past.

But he had meant what he said to Lisa in those moments before he climbed into Skull One prior to the mission. It didn't matter who the hostages were, he would have done his job to the best of his abilities the same as he always did.

And maybe… maybe Lisa's sudden doubt of his abilities had stung more deeply than he cared to admit.

Not the time to unpack all that, Little Brother.

Rick takes a deep breath but there's a rising sense that it's time for him to beat a hasty retreat. He can feel Lisa's unexpected hesitation in the air between them, the tiny window of hope. If he's not careful, if he pushes too hard when she's not ready, that opening will slam shut for good.

"I really do care about you, Lisa," he offers her quietly. He rubs the back of his neck and wishes he could take her hand instead. "And I… I hope you can forgive me, because I don't want to lose what we have."

The angry fire that had burned behind Lisa's eyes is muted now, the flames banked. Rick doesn't kid himself that he's out of the woods, he knows the embers are still smoldering, but at least now Lisa knows his true intentions. Where they go from here, he isn't brave enough to speculate.

Lisa presses her fingers to her lips. "Rick, I… I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," he tells her hurriedly. He chooses that moment to get up and gather his things before the space between them deteriorates again. "At least not right now. It's late and I should… I should go."

He doesn't expect her to follow but Lisa trails him to the door of her quarters. He can't guess at the thoughts behind her contemplative gaze, her face is the carefully constructed mask he knows all too well.

He reaches for the doorknob and she surprises him by grasping his wrist suddenly. Rick pauses and tries not to think about how warm and delicate her fingers feel on his skin.

"Will you be warm enough without your coat?" she asks in a low voice.

He hopes his smile is confident enough to be reassuring. "It's not far. I'll be alright."

She hesitates and for a wild, imaginative moment, Rick wonders if she might ask him to stay but then she nods once and steps back to release him. Disappointment surges at the loss of her touch but he pushes it aside as he opens the door. A wall of cool air and snow flurries rush to greet him.

"I hope we can talk again soon, Lisa," he turns to say, but she has already closed the door behind him.

He walks home with snowflakes in his hair and doesn't even notice the chill.

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