NOTE: You'll notice that the title of this story has changed... it's evolved since the first draft and I wanted a title to reflect that. The reason behind the new title will become clearer later on.

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Life is always with the waiting, hoping and anticipating
My love for you is cascading
Til everywhere around me all I see are different shapes and shades of beauty

"A Beautiful Place To Be" – Tyronne Wells

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It's the same dream she's suffered through a hundred times over in the years since news came that Sera Base had been destroyed but something about it this time seems different.

She's sitting on the edge of the river bank, under the dappled shade of a large tree. The birds chirp quietly and the water flows past her blue and clear. She tilts her face up, searching for the sun but a shadow falls across her instead.

"Lisa," she hears and when she looks up, he's there, standing over her with a softness in his hazel eyes that makes her want to throw her arms around his neck and hold tight.

The dream plays out like it has many times before, the echo of a memory she wishes she could go back and relive, to change the outcome knowing that if he leaves, only pain and heartbreak will follow. But it tracks the same thread it always does… Carl says goodbye and the sky turns black and dark. She can't let him go, but when she tries to seize his arm, her hand swipes through his body like he's made of smoke.

"Lisa," he smiles kindly, a vacant curve of his lips that leaves her cold as he starts to recede into the distance. A voice in her mind screams to follow him, to fight her way through the darkened sky, to chase after the shadowy figure even as she knows that she'll never catch him, she'll never be able to reach him, to save him and in turn, save herself.

"Carl," she sobs, willing herself to move. But something holds her feet in place, something holds her still. In her panic, she whirls around, only to find where dark skies once threatened, sunlight blooms across the landscape once again.

And in the distance, a hazy, dark haired figure is waving to her.

Where panic, agony and fear had curled around her, the sunlight washes it away. The figure in the distance waves again and Lisa feels a tug and a rush of longing. It comes from a place she can't name, a place she can't see, but when she glances back at the shadows and gloom behind her she knows it's time to leave the past behind her.

"Lisa!" the figure bathed in light calls out to her.

"I'm coming," she whispers. Sunlight and warmth seeps into her skin as she pulls her feet free and starts to run.

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Lisa wakes from the dream with a start.

A strange restlessness clings to her skin in a way that makes her throw off her sheets and hurry to the bathroom to splash cool water against her skin.

The dream… What did it mean? The same dream she's had so often over the years had always been about Riber. She refused to consider them nightmares, instead clinging to the first few moments of the dream where she can feel him beside her and she can reacquaint herself with the sound of his voice and the swell of his smile. The dream's usual pattern would always end with her trying to stop him from leaving, gripping his hand and begging as he walked away until she would wake up with tears over her face and sobs in her throat.

But this time had been different. This time, it hadn't been Riber she clung to.

She shivers as the cold water trickles down her neck and a lone drop eases between her breasts. She reaches for a towel and dabs away the dampness with hands that tremble unexpectedly. Instead of feeling rested, she feels wan and tired but instead of going back to bed, she wanders into her kitchen and sets the water to boil for a cup of tea. As it heats, she reaches for a familiar photo that's been a constant companion throughout all her recent travels.

"Riber," she says softly, picking up the frame and staring at the image of a face she sometimes struggled to remember in the years since the SDF-1 found its home on Earth.

Something akin to guilt curls around her, just as it always does in the moments before she rallies herself and pushes it away. She's not sure what the dream was trying to tell her, but she wonders somehow if it was a part of her giving herself the permission to move on. The figure in the distance… it had felt like Rick.

All at once, Lisa has the pressing urge to pick up the phone and call him and she's halfway across the room before she forces herself to stop in her tracks. The painful reminder of how it had felt to have love ripped away still sat heavy on her heart and it reminds her of how fledgling her relationship with Rick still was. A week ago she had been ready to walk away from him completely but now it felt like she was forever thinking about ways to massage the duty rosters to allow for them to spend more time together. She found herself thinking of him in all her spare moments and even now she wants to curl up in the safety of his arms and listen to the beat of his heart to soothe the restlessness and unease that the dream had brought her.

But instead of calling him, she pushes herself to make her tea and takes a seat at her dining table. As the dawn breaks, she stares at the pink flowers of Rick's gift and tries to ignore the presence of the yellow phone on the counter nearby.

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Lisa is standing at the railing of the observation deck overlooking the lake with the wind whipping at her hair when Rick finds her hours later.

It had been less than twenty four hours since she had left his doorstep but her smile had been a constant in his mind in the hours since.

His first instinct is to sweep her up in his arms and plant little kisses along her cheek but he holds himself firmly in check. They're both in uniform and both on duty and even though casual displays of affection have become more accepted within the defense forces since the end of the war, Rick understood how important it was to Lisa to maintain her image of the cool, consummate captain of the SDF-2. As much as he might sometimes miss that familiar fiery spark in her eye, he much prefers the soft looks she gives him so he approaches silently and leans casually against the railing beside her.

"Hi," he greets her softly, joining her in staring over the lake for a moment. The sun sparkles off the water and he spares a moment to think about how peaceful the city looks in the distance.

She glances up at him with a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Hi yourself, hotshot."

His lips quirk at the nickname but she turns back to the lake before she can see it. Her smile has already faded into a frown and Rick finds himself tensing unconsciously. There was trouble brewing out there, no matter how content he is in his own private bubble with Lisa and as much as he wishes they could ignore it, he knows they can't for long.

"Guess the meeting with the brass this morning didn't go so well, huh."

"Not really," she sighs. She surprises him by stepping closer and resting her head against his shoulder. He pauses for a moment then follows her lead to slide his arm around her waist. They're alone on the deck but he decides then he doesn't care if they're seen, or if tongues start wagging. They've been the subject of rumors for months now anyway.

"This can't last, can it?" she says quietly and it takes him a heart stopping moment to understand she's not actually talking about them. "The war is over, but there still isn't peace."

He rubs the small of her back and wishes he could kiss her. A gust of wind whips her hair back from her face and ruffles his own. In the distance, the echoing roar of mecha can be heard over the sounds of the city but he concentrates on the warmth of her beside him.

"I feel it too," he replies, thinking back to the uneasy feeling that had been plaguing him since the incident in New Detroit. Despite his distractions with his relationship with Lisa, it's never been far from his mind.

Lisa presses closer, taking his arm and clutching him tightly as though she's afraid he might try to run away. She's been unsettled today, and he tries not to wonder if it's more than just the rumors of unrest bothering her. Last night she had walked away from him happy and relaxed but this morning she seemed tired and her brows were pinched from the moment she had stepped onto the base.

"Sometimes I feel so guilty," she tells him so softly he wonders if he misheard her.

"Guilty?" he frowns and turns to study her face. She won't meet his eye, continuing to stare out across the water. "Lisa, what do you mean?"

"How can I be so happy…" she murmurs. "When there's still so much uncertainty out there? So much conflict. I can't help but feel like I'm just waiting for something to go wrong."

The same thought had plagued him too, although he tries not to give them life. He shakes his head, choosing instead to focus on the joy he hasn't felt in years. He wants Lisa to do the same.

"We can't always control the big things, Lisa. But we can have this."

She doesn't answer straight away and he slips his palms against her hips and guides her gently so that she's looking into his eyes and not at the shattered boom of the SDF-1's carriers. Although still operational, the pockmarked surface tells the story of countless battles fought and countless lives lost - a constant reminder of the war and everything they've lost. He searches her gaze, no longer surprised to see this vulnerability in her but wary she's going to pull away out of some misplaced sense of guilt or duty. He's had a taste of her now, he can't go back to the way things were. He needs to help her understand. "Haven't we earned a little happiness?"

Lisa reaches up to brush his hair away from his eyes but her expression is still pensive. He feels it too - the immensity of their uncertain future, but recently the weight of it hasn't been as heavy. There's been bright spots in his days lately and he has Lisa to thank for that.

She pauses in her answer before she gives him a slight smile. To his relief, she seems to shake off her depressive mood. "Yes, I suppose you're right," she says with forced cheer.

He plays along, giving her a cocky smirk. "Of course I'm right," he says confidently. "I'm always right."

She sniffs dismissively and rolls her eyes, but a smile curves her mouth now. Rick's heart surges with affection and he slips his arm around her once again and draws her close. "Say, I have an idea. How would you feel about letting me take you on a picnic tomorrow?"

He doesn't notice straight away how she arches an eyebrow coolly and her tone turns a little flat. "A picnic, huh?"

"Yeah," he nods with enthusiasm. He can see it clearly in his mind's eye, the far away lookout at the peak he'd climbed a few months earlier on a training exercise with his squad would be the perfect place to take Lisa. Just the two of them in the forest, hiking their way to the summit to see the view. Lisa is fit and athletic; she would probably relish the challenge and the climb. "I know a great spot but it's a bit of a hike to get there, but I think I- uh… Lisa, what's wrong?"

She pins him with a flat glance and he squirms slightly as realization dawns. Oh. Right. The last time he had invited her on a picnic it hadn't turned out so well for either of them.

He offers her a weak smile. "I promise not to leave you waiting this time."

She studies him with narrowed eyes for a moment as he holds his breath. The idle thought that he may be making amends for that failed date for the rest of his life skitters past before she finally exhales and nudges him lightly.

"Alright, mister," she says as she tucks a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. "You can have your picnic, but make sure it actually happens this time, all right?"

His lifts his fingers in a mock salute. "Yes, ma'am."

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The day of their picnic dawns bright and full of a shimmer on the horizon that Lisa tries to tell herself isn't the latent radiation of the attack that decimated the planet, but a sign of their world coming back to life. It's impossible to ignore the wide, desolate craters in the far distance but here on the mountain path, she can almost imagine this is a normal day prewar and she and Rick are without a care in the world.

They've been walking for over an hour now, and the path is getting steeper and more treacherous. It takes almost all of her concentration to watch where to put her feet amongst the slippery gravel and her breath comes in rough bursts from the climb up to the summit. She focuses on Rick's form in front of her, privately admiring to herself how fit and strong he looks out of his uniform in a white t-shirt on, tan pants and a small black backpack on his back. His boots are sturdy and have no trouble finding grip on the rugged terrain.

Lisa is dressed much the same, in a pale pink shirt with the collar flipped up to protect the back of her neck from the sun, and shorts that bare most of her long legs. She hasn't had a chance to move her body like this in years and it was exciting to put her hair up in a ponytail and start the climb. Now, finally near the peak, she sees Rick pause at the edge of the tree line and hold out a hand towards her.

"Almost there," he says, his eyes shining and his hair is damp from their exertions. "Here, let me help you."

She takes his hand and he pulls her up over one last boulder and as the trail opens out to a clear path through the trees. Together they walk out from under the leafy canopy and onto the flat expanse of the rocky mountain top. Before the war, this spot was a popular tourist destination but its remote location made it almost impossible to get to now - unless you happened to have a tandem veritech at your disposal and a few high ranking officers in your back pocket.

Lisa gazes out at the view breathlessly with her hand still firmly tucked against Rick's palm. "Rick, this is… this is… Oh."

The mountain is still full of life with verdant foliage clinging to its ranges, but in the distance beyond the great cities were gone and the oceans had drawn back from the coastline. Wide pockmarked craters dot the landscape in the far horizon but the sun shone down, revealing colours she hadn't seen before in large swathes over the surface.

"I never thought I would ever see you speechless," he teases her gently, squeezing her hand after a long moment where she struggles to make sense of her thoughts. So much desolation, so much to still be grateful for. This was their world now… and there was still beauty in it.

"I don't have words for this," she says, still trailing her eyes over the land. "I mean, we saw all this from the air but somehow being here… this is different."

"I know what you mean," he agrees. He gives her hand one more squeeze before he releases it in order to slip off his backpack and pull out two bottles of water.

She accepts the water he passes her gratefully and wipes a hand across her brow. There's a cool breeze on the top of the mountain that licks away her perspiration, but she's sure her skin is shiny and her face red from the exercise.

Rick doesn't seem to think so.

"You hardly broke a sweat," Rick grins in approval as he leans back against a deep orange bolder. He rakes his gaze over her warmly, clearly pleased with what he sees. Lisa tries not to flush at his pleased admiration as she takes a drink. The water is so refreshing on her tongue and still cool from the insulated pack Rick had kept it in. "I'm impressed," he continues. "Minmei probably would have made me carry her most of the way."

There's a heartbeat of awkward silence while Lisa wonders how she's supposed to respond to that. It makes her uncomfortable to think Rick might be silently comparing her to little Miss Macross but then she sees the dawning realization cross his face as he panics. "Er, uh, I mean- I-"

She considers letting him flail until she reminds herself that they've come too far together for her to allow the thoughtless comment to sting so much.

"It's alright, Rick," she says, trying to be magnanimous in the face of his gaffe even though her skin pricks with the humiliation from believing he had chosen Minmei over her. It still lingers close to the surface even though she tells herself she's moved past it. She straightens her shoulders and takes a breath before she continues. "I know your history with her and how you feel about her. I don't want you to be afraid to mention her in front of me."

Rick frowns then, maybe a little suspicious at how easily she's willing to let it go. "Oh, yeah?" he says in a tone that tells her he's not really buying it. Lisa forces a bland smile to her face to hide the unsettled emotions churning in her stomach.

"She was a very important part of your life and part of who you are today and I… I accept that."

Rick's frown deepens and Lisa wishes she could dispel the sudden pressure building up between them. This isn't what she wants. They have time alone together in this heartbreakingly beautiful place and she certainly doesn't want to waste it talking about Minmei of all people.

"That's behind me now," he says, still frowning but he reaches for Lisa's hand as though he's looking for reassurance she's not rebuffing him.

She tells herself that Minmei was his past and that she is his future. At least she hopes she is, she thinks as a shadow of disquiet looms above her.

She pushes aside the shadow of disquiet. Why is she letting the offhand comment get to her like this? Minmei was his past and that she is his future. He's here with me now, isn't he?

She bites her lip and squeezes his hand. "I don't want to fight about it, Rick."

He's visibly frustrated and he opens his mouth to say something before thinking better of it. She's startled when he abruptly pulls her close with the grip on her hand, almost sending her stumbling into him. His hands are in her hair, cupping the back of her neck as he leans into steal her mouth. It's not his usual tender kiss, she can taste his faint remorse but she doesn't think to pull away. She leans into it, clutching his shirt as she tastes the traces of salt on his skin.

As abruptly as he had pulled her close, he draws back and presses his forehead to hers. "You're what's most important to me now, Lisa."

She blinks, still slightly dazed from his kiss and trying to focus. It doesn't work until he leans back and she looks up to catch a glimpse of blue under his hair. "I am?"

"Yes," he says it with a smile in his voice, as though he's amused she would even question it. He doesn't take his gaze away from her face, studying her as though trying to read every thought behind her eyes.

His prolonged gaze makes her self conscious and she places a hand to her cheek. They're hot and not just from their climb. "What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?"

His mouth curves and a warm, familiar light reappears in his eyes.

"Just admiring the view," he says with a light smile. Lisa ducks her head, laughing shakily at his indulgent teasing. He chuckles with her and draws her against his chest, looping his arms around her. She sighs into his embrace and breathes in the warmth of his skin. Traces of his cologne tickle her nose under the woodsy scent of their surroundings and she listens to the steady thump of his heart under her ear and watches the slow roll of the clouds pass over the landscape below.

They've been standing together for a while, both silently taking in the view when Rick speaks.

"Are you happy, Lisa?"

The thread of uncertainty in his tone makes her lift her head. She finds him staring down at her, a shadow of uncertainly she hasn't seen before in his look. She reaches up to stroke his cheek then captures his chin gently in her fingers. She guides him down and presses a light kiss to his lips before drawing back.

"So very happy, Captain Hunter."

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A short time later, Rick releases her to dig out a few more items from his back pack. He lays out a plaid picnic blanket at the base of a rocky outcrop, shaded by a large tree at their back. Lisa waits to the side, holding the basket with their sandwiches and thinking back on their exchange earlier – and her own reaction – with the faintest flicker of trepidation. Is the merest mention of Minmei always going to be there to derail her, she wonders. Lisa of all people knew it was possible to move on from love – from Riber, she remembers him with a warm affection. There's pain there, but it's old, worn. The edges rubbed away. But it had been years, so many years and Minmei wasn't dwelling in the afterlife. She was still within Rick's reach if he only cared to fight for her affections.

"Are you going to sit?" Rick asks, startling her out of her thoughts. She kneels on the far edge of the blanket and steals glances at him while they eat. He makes a fuss over the food she's prepared, offering her high praise that makes her laugh lightly in spite of herself.

"I'm going to make someone a very happy husband," she jokes easily as she tucks everything back into the backpack when they've finished eating. Rick doesn't chuckle like she expects him to, his lips pressed down in a frown but he leans back against the rock face and pats the blanket at his side.

"Come sit with me," he says.

She doesn't hesitate, shuffling over on the rug and settling in against his side. She rests her head on his shoulder and he slides his arm around her waist. For a long time, neither of them speak, instead lingering in a comfortable silence as the wind billows past the peak.

"This is so peaceful, Rick," she says, lifting her head from his shoulder.

He looks down at her, a wry smile on his lips. "Don't get too comfortable, we still have to make it down the mountain yet."

Lisa glances away. "Hmm, do we have to? Do you think anyone would miss us if we just stayed here?"

Rick chuckles then takes a moment to steal a kiss before drawing back. "Do you think anyone missed us that time we got stuck during the SDF's transformation sequence, after the movie theatre? Remember that?"

"Yes, I remember," she chuckles as the memories of how that came about replays in her mind. She remembers the crowd in the lobby, and the sudden shove that had nearly bowled her over. "I also distinctly recall your hands on my backside not long before that too, if I remember correctly."

Rick scrubs a hand over his face as though still mortified even though it was years ago. He groans. "Oh, of course you would remember that part."

Lisa eyes him with a small smirk, enjoying his discomfort too much. "I also distinctly remember you saying you wouldn't ever want to touch my backside. Well, who's laughing now, mister?"

He does his best to flash her a charmingly apologetic smile. "And a very fine backside it is too," he tells her with great seriousness that leaves her momentarily disarmed.

There's a beat, then two as Rick catches her gaze and holds it. The air around them becomes heavy, filled with latent promise and a desire for something she hasn't allowed herself to think about. She suddenly becomes very aware of the heat of Rick's hand resting against her thigh and her throat grows dry as his eyes grow dark. They hadn't taken their relationship further yet, not physically at least. Rick had been clear about taking it at her pace and although Lisa had allowed herself to drown against his mouth until her lips were tender to touch, they hadn't gone further.

In that moment, with her heartrate spiking and the wind skimming past their little sanctuary on the summit, Lisa realizes she would very much like to feel Rick's hands on her backside once again.

Heat pools low in her body and Rick seems to read her thoughts in her eyes. He swallows thickly and once hand clenches. "Lisa," he murmurs and then he cups her face and she covers his hand with hers without thinking. She likes the way he holds her, as though he needs to anchor her against him. It makes her feel treasured and after feeling adrift for so long when it came to understanding how he feels about her, she revels in the sensation.

She loses herself in yet another kiss for a long moment then a forceful burst of wind sweeps past, sending their hair waving and snapping in the breeze. There's a change coming and they draw apart grudgingly.

"I guess we should head back. Those clouds over there look like a storm is brewing and I'd like to be back at the veritech before it finds us."

"Yes, I suppose you're right."

They share another brief kiss before they start to pack up their small picnic and Rick leads her back down the mountain.

They make it back to the veritech just before the storm hits.

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Rick pops open the canopy then looks behind him to see Lisa fast asleep under the spare helmet. He grins to himself and admires how lovely she looks with her face smooth with slumber. She looks younger, especially with her pale pink shirt and her hair spread across her shoulders, more like a carefree young woman and not the first officer of a space fortress for all those years facing down an invading enemy fleet. He thinks for a moment about the life Lisa has lived, the path she's forged for herself, the personal risks she took to do all that she could to help end the war. She could have anyone she wanted if she just let down her walls long enough for them to see the young woman underneath but for some reason, she's chosen him to be the one to see behind her mask of duty and sacrifice. Not the ice queen or the whip sharp tongued dragon on the bridge, but Lisa – soft and sweet and spirited in ways that still surprise him.

He was so damn lucky.

He reaches over the seat to touch her gently. "Lisa. Lisa, we're back at the base."

Lisa stirs slowly. "Hmm? Oh." She blinks awake, glancing around at the open canopy and the busy flight deck below. "Oh, goodness I fell asleep."

"Sleeping beauty," he quips easily with a grin and she takes off the helmet and shakes out her hair before they both climb down.

A dark skinned man trots over. "Captain Hunter, Captain Hayes! I trust your day was enjoyable?"

Rick slips his hand into Lisa's without hesitation and she flashes him a shy smile before turning back to the chief. Rick is gratified when she doesn't let go of his hand.

"It was quite a climb, but very enjoyable," she says formally, ever the officer. "Thank you for letting us take the training unit today."

The man grins. "Well, couldn't very well have you riding on the Captain's lap in Skull One, could we?"

He chuckles as he walks away and Rick and Lisa glance at each other in amusement, remembering Rick's rescue of her two years ago from Alaska base.

"It wasn't so bad," he leans over to murmur.

Rick walks with Lisa back to the hangar and leaves her just long enough to stow his helmet and the spare before taking her home.

"Would you like to come in?" she asks shyly as she opens the door to her place. There's something soft in her eyes, something vulnerable he didn't see there earlier. He's not sure what it means.

He tilts his head questioningly. "You're not tired of me yet?"

"Mm," she hums as though pretending to consider it. She shakes her head. "No. Not yet."

Rick hums and haws for a moment. "I should probably go home and get showered first. We worked up quite a sweat on that mountain."

She glances towards the small hallway that leads to her bedroom and bathroom. "You could shower here," she says. "It's not like it would be the first time."

Rick remembers vividly his half frozen state that night and how long it had taken him to warm up in her shower. Standing here now, with that soft look in her eyes certainly made it all worth it.

He wants nothing more than to stay with her. Strange how after a few hours with Minmei he would always feel mentally exhausted. Trying to jump through all the hoops her conversations would take them through was draining. Lisa had always had the opposite effect. Even though their situations were stressful with the war, captivity, her presence didn't exhaust him like that.

Then another thought occurs to him and he remembers her comment on the mountain and the way the space between them had changed. There was no denying where her thoughts had gone.

He swallows thickly and his heartrate kicks up a notch.

"You know I want to," he finally says, not bothering to hide the longing in his voice. "But, Lisa… are… are you ready… for uh, I mean… for that-"

Lisa blinks then her eyes narrow dangerously. "Hunter! I'm offering the use of my bathroom, what exactly do you think I'm proposing here?"

Panic flares wildly in Rick's chest and he realizes in that moment he's gravely misunderstood. "Uh-"

She whirls and storms inside and he hurries in after her, pausing only long enough to kick her front door shut behind him. "Lisa, wait! That's not what I-"

He doesn't get a chance to finish before she spins and shoves him against the door. He lands with a small grunt, a small part of him dimly surprised by her strength. She seeks out his mouth with a sudden fervor that leaves him momentarily stunned then elated. Her hands are in his hair and his nose is full of her scent as he wraps himself around her and kisses her back. Somewhere inside him, relief flares bright and he runs his hands down her body as she presses close.

"Lisa," he mutters through her kisses. "Oh, god, Lisa!"

Somewhere a button pops a moment before his palm makes contact with the warm skin against her waist.

"Rick," she sighs, his name barely a breath on her lips and their gazes catch and hold. He feels unsteady, but he's not sure if it's the lack of oxygen or the ground shifting under his feet and he's grateful for the door at his back to steady him. She pulls him down again, kissing him once again and he doesn't stop to think about what he's doing when his hands slide down over her back and cup her backside. His mouth is still fused to his when he lifts her and she wraps her legs tightly around his waist.

"God, Lisa," he groans, stumbling the two of them the short distance to her sofa and tumbling down in a tangle of limbs. He grips one lean smooth thigh as Lisa arches under him and traces the seam of his mouth with her tongue.

There's no question as to where a kiss like that will lead and it sends a white hot flash of heat right through him.

There was potential here for a significant step forward in their relationship. Until now he had been satisfied with chaste kisses and gentle touches, telling himself he was content to follow her lead. A distant part of him wonders if Lisa's really ready for it, until he realizes with a clarity as cold as a bucket of water that he should be more worried about himself.

He loves her, he wants her… but god, he isn't exactly a Casanova. What if he lets this continue and they make their way into her bedroom. What if they strip away their barriers and fall into that intimacy and he disappoints her? Lisa is older than he is, he remembers. She had a fiancé! She's not inexperienced in the bedroom, but he most certainly is. He had worshipped Minmei from afar for so long, not to mention there had been a war on. Aside from a couple of fumbling casual hook ups in his teenage youth when he was riding high on the success of his father's flying circus, he just hasn't had the time or the inclination to sleep around.

He almost regrets that now. He wants it to be good for Lisa. He wants it to be everything she deserves and he's disappointed her in so many ways already he can't do so in this too.

She senses his panic and draws back. She stares up at him, breathless with her lips shiny and swollen from their passionate kisses but her brows furrow with wary concern.

"Rick? What is it?"

White noise fills his ears and he struggles to find his voice. The urge to run is overwhelming. He needs to get out of here. He needs to get away before he loses all self-control.

"I can't," he manages to gasp out as he scrambles upright. Lisa's pink shirt has fallen open, giving him a tantalizing glimpse of pale blue lace before she sits up and snaps the material closed in front of her chest.

"I see," she says stiffly, climbing to her feet. He stumbles back, blood still roaring in his ears. He realizes too late that she's misunderstood and he tries to reach for her.

"Lisa, I-"

"It's alright, Rick," she says stiffly, not meeting his eye but dodging his touch. Her shoulders straighten and her tone turns brisk as she rounds on him with her face schooled into the cool mask he knows all too well. "But you should leave."

"Lisa," he tries to protest again she draws away from him completely and walks towards her front door. She lays a hand on the handle and opens it slightly, a very clear instruction that she wants him gone from her space. "Wait a second-"

"Thank you for the lovely picnic," she says formally, cutting him off. One hand still bunches in the material of her shirt and her cheeks burn. He can see how hard she's fighting to hold onto her dignity and he growls low in frustration at the back of his throat.

He tries again. "It's not... dammit, it's not what you think!"

And just like that day in the park when the snowflakes had started to fall, Lisa's rebuke is sharp and unyielding. "No, it never is, is it? Goodnight, Rick."

Inwardly, Rick's mind scratches like a broken record. It's me, Lisa, not you-

But how does he say that out loud? He can't… So he doesn't.

｡･:*:･ﾟ ,｡･:*:･ﾟ ｡･:*:･ﾟ ,｡･:*:･ﾟ