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There are days
I wake up and I pinch myself
You're with me, not someone else
And I'm scared, yeah, I'm still scared
That it's all a dream
"Love Someone" - Lukas Graham
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Rick hangs around the base long enough to watch Lisa's shuttle launch before trudging back to his quarters. He changes out of his uniform, restless and edgy, unhappy at being separated from Lisa so unexpectedly when there were things left unsaid. It smacks a little too closely of the last time a shuttle had carried her away from him without him being able to launch right alongside her.
He tries to channel his nervous energy into exercise so in the late afternoon, he takes a long walk downtown bundled up in a dark jacket. He doesn't pay much attention to his surroundings until he hits the commercial district and when he looks up, he's startled to discover festive holiday decorations have appeared. Long garlands of red and green tinsel curl around street lights, trees sit in shop windows decorated with baubles and big red bows and colored lights flash to loudly proclaim sales ahead of the holiday season.
The faint strains of Christmas music reach his ears as he melds into the crowds on the street and he figures this could be the perfect opportunity to pick out a gift for Lisa, although as he meanders past the brightly decorated storefronts he becomes overwhelmed by all the choices. He's never been good at choosing gifts. What do women like anyway? He discards the first few options that are dress stores, blushes as he passes a lingerie store, briefly considers a homewares and bric-a-brac store before stumbling across a jeweler.
He's standing at the window, thinking of Lisa and eying a delicate circular pendant behind the glass when pair of teenage girls push the door open from inside and step onto the street.
"You can't believe everything you hear," one of them is saying. "Minmei wouldn't just abandon her fans like that."
Rick's ears prick at the mention of Minmei's name and he listens in even as he tells himself not to.
"No, it's true!" the other girl says adamantly. "She was supposed to have a concert last night but she didn't show. Haven't you heard the rumors?"
"What rumors?"
"She's refusing to sing," the second girl shakes her head. "They said she walked off stage before she even sang a note a few weeks ago."
"Maybe she's sick? Maybe she might never sing again!"
The girls gasp in horror but the idea is too ludicrous to contemplate and Rick finds himself snorting in disbelief. The two girls glance at him suspiciously and he hurriedly covers his mouth and clears his throat, pretending to admire the jewelry in the window and that he wasn't at all listening in to their conversation.
The girls give him one more wary glance before linking arms and walking off but Rick's attention is still snagged on their chatter. He has to give Lynn Kyle credit, really. Stirring up drama around Minmei in what was no doubt just another carefully orchestrated ploy by the two of them to keep Minmei firmly in the spotlight but starting a rumor she's unwell might even be a stroke of genius. By feigning illness it would give Minmei some downtime away from the masses but with enough conjecture swirling around her that there wouldn't be any fear they would forget about her.
Not that anyone could really forget about Minmei.
Rick glances back at the pendant in the window that had originally caught his eye. He wonders if it might be something Lisa would like but it's hard to know since he's never noticed Lisa to wear much jewelry. Maybe it was time he changed that, he decides and with his decision made, he nudges open the shop door and slips inside.
Twenty minutes later with a small ivory box in his pocket, he continues his walk through the city. The day fades into night and the temperature drops enough to make him wonder if it's going to snow again. He stops to fill his stomach at a small noodle bar even though he doesn't really feel like eating and eyes the hulking mass of the SDF1 in the distance broodily as he picks at his food. Soon after, he starts his trek back, ignoring the city's mass transit system that would get him home in a fraction of the time. Instead he makes his way home under the glow of the moonlight and twinkling stars. He tilts his face up to the heavens as he walks. Somewhere up there in that sky was Lisa… and his heart.
He wonders if Lisa is missing him as much as he's missing her.
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It's strangely lonely being on the factory satellite without Claudia, Rick, Max and Miriya but Lisa is soon far too busy with the dramas onboard that she barely has the time to notice how quickly the days pass.
On what feels like the fourth cycle, she returns to her assigned quarters exhausted and missing Rick more than she ever thought possible. She has only just kicked off her shoes when she spies a blinking red light on her private terminal. She groans softly, expecting it to be yet another spot fire she'll need to put out before she can find the blessed relief of sleep but instead she is delighted to discover the missive is a long and rambling voice recording from Rick.
Lisa listens with a growing smile at the familiar timbre of his voice as he updates her on the few minor events that occurred in her absence, formal and official before he gives away that pretense and amuses her with lighter subjects. He relays back the boredom of his life without her, the antics of their friends, including a prank gone wrong between Bobby and Miriya. His voice falls into laughter as the recalls the incident.
"I'll tell you one thing, there might not be a wedding if Miriya gets her hands on Bobby before he has a chance to apologize," he's saying and Lisa chuckles along. She closes her eyes and tries to picture him pottering around in his quarters as he records the message. The mental image makes her smile.
He goes on to inform her proudly that he had borrowed her spare key from Claudia and checked on her quarters, watering the pretty plant he had sent her that she had come to love so much. He makes a small quip about shared custody of the plant that makes Lisa blush then his chatter turns to a cryptic note from the trio he'd been instructed to pass on but he can't make sense of. "I don't know if I remember that right," his voice says and she can almost picture the careless shrug of his shoulders as he seemingly dismisses the message from the girls. The message is nonsense and Lisa knows they're teasing him and it makes her laugh quietly to imagine them bundling him up on the base while she's not around. She wonders if Rick would still have been as interested in pursuing a relationship with her if he knew the package included three very nosey subordinates.
"Anyway," the recording goes on and the pang against her heart that comes with missing him becomes painfully sharp. It's edge tempered only by the knowledge that she knows he's thinking of her while she's away. His voice drops low as he starts to sign off.
"Lisa," he sighs and there's a faint rustle as though he's sitting down or laying back on the bed. His voice turns husky, making anticipation curl in Lisa's stomach. "I miss you. It's crazy how much I miss you. Hurry back, alright?"
Lisa lies back on the bed and stares up at the smooth metal ceiling. I miss you too, Rick.
She listens to the message on repeat until she falls asleep.
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Rick huffs in irritation when he's handed the latest flight schedules, frustrated to discover that when Lisa's shuttle comes in, he's going to be far away in the furthest south-east quadrant flying escort for a convoy of medical supplies to one of the outlying cities trying to claw their way back to life after the war. This one was right on the edge of the wastelands, with a large population of full sized Zentraedi already known to cause trouble and while Rick was annoyed, he also knew that in all good conscious that he couldn't pass this mission to Max or any of the others.
Not after what had happened in New Detroit. The failure of that still burned deep inside him, a stain on his record even though Lisa and the rest of the brass had insisted there was nothing more he could have done without the situation escalating dangerously. It was one thing to go into battle against Kyron's forces, quite another when it was against the people he was supposed to be protecting.
He frowns as the New Detroit events push their way unbidden to the forefront of his memories. They play in his mind like a faded tape, so worn and washed-out he's not sure if he's even remembering it all correctly. He skips past the portions with Minmei, first assigning her some of the blame that she didn't step out of the car and pull Kyle into line, then repulsed with himself for even entertaining the notion that Minmei could be capable of doing anything of the sort.
In the end, it didn't matter if Minmei was there or not. The outcome would have been the same.
He zips up his flight suit and grabs his helmet as he walks out onto the tarmac. Skull One stands proudly in the distance in Fighter mode, sleek and shiny and menacing with its emblem of a skull and crossbones on its tail. Bobby is already there, waiting at his own Veritech and ready to be Rick's wing on this mission. Bobby was coming along well under Max and Miriya's tutelage; he was fast and quick on the trigger, but relaxed in the cockpit and not easily spooked. He was also a bit like Rick, slightly irreverent when it came to rules and procedures, a fact that Rick still hadn't decided he liked or lamented just yet.
Rick calls out across the tarmac. "Hey Bobby, are you ready for this one?"
"I am, but I don't know about those new guys," Bobby jerks his thumb over his shoulder. "They look a little green."
"You were green yourself not so long ago, Bobby."
"Not like that," he mutters but he doesn't say any more as he shoves his helmet down onto his head.
Rick casts a glance over at the pair of orange trimmed veritechs that will be accompanying them. He knows the pilots, he's seen their scores. They were good enough for the top brass to send them out, although Rick can't shake the slight quiver of unease low in his gut when Bobby puts voice to something he wasn't ready to contemplate. Not for the first time, Rick wishes Lisa was earthside, he would have liked to broach it with her, or at least he would could take comfort knowing it was her cool head on the other end of the tacnet should the mission go south.
Bobby says something else but Rick doesn't catch any of it save for a faded, "-take care, Sir," as the wind and the roar of the other mecha carry most of his words away. Rick turns and heads for Skull One.
Within minutes, they're airborne and winging their way towards the wastelands.
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Their escort mission proves to be uneventful and the flight back to base is almost routine enough to be boring. It allows far too much time for Rick's thoughts to wander away from the pockmarked Earth and towards his love life but less than two hours out from being able to see New Macross City nestled in the SDF-1's shadow, all hell breaks loose.
Skull One's alarms squawk in warning as the telltale boom of exploding armaments light up the sky around him. He reacts quickly, yanking on the levers as he pulls Skull One into a sharp climb in an attempt to avoid contact with flaming debris. He calls for his squad on the com but it's only Bobby that responds. The other accompanying veritechs are just as maneuverable and fast, but the new pilots are too inexperienced to sift through the panic and it shows in their lack of control.
"Bobby!" he yells just as Skull One rolls to evade and the machine shifts around him. He lets off a spray of ammo, catches a glimpse of deep green before his target blooms into a fireball.
"Captain, there's too many of them!"
"Oh no! Look out-!"
In the chaos, Rick keeps one eye on his other men and realizes quickly they're in trouble. Command is in his ear as he swoops in alongside Bobby to defend their wingmen but it proves to be a mistake when his sensors bleep and scream. He realizes his miscalculation a fraction too late; he's swung too close and the attack coming in is too hot for him to escape.
He has a split second to hope that the impact doesn't hurt before there's a screech of metal, a burst of heat and everything goes black.
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Claudia meets Lisa at the shuttle when it touches down but there's no smile.
Lisa knows then that its bad news, but strangely for a moment, she doesn't even consider that Rick might be hurt. She thinks it's something to do with the rebel Zentraedi or the factory satellite, or something equally distant but manageable.
But no, it's Rick and Lisa for once is grateful she wasn't on command watch when it happened. She shoves her hands to her mouth to stop herself from crying out when Claudia grips her shoulders and tells her that Rick is in the hospital.
Lisa has to fight hard to keep herself in check. Her heart is in her stomach, and it rolls unpleasantly. She's dimly aware that although Claudia had the foresight to lead her into a lonely corner of the nearby hangar before she broke the news, there were still plenty of ground crew and techs going about their day and she's still a Captain.
Only through a supreme act of will does she manage to straighten up and look Claudia in the eye.
"Give it to me straight, Claudia. Is he alright?"
"He's fine, honey," Claudia assures her. "They all are. But they're keeping Rick in for a few days for observation in light of his previous head knocks and let me tell you, that flyboy of yours isn't happy about it."
"No," Lisa muses when her brain finally takes control of her emotions. Rick is safe, she tells herself with a clench of her fist. He's safe. "No, I suppose he wouldn't be."
She's quiet on the drive to the hospital and she's grateful that Claudia had been there to greet her personally rather than find out some other way. The sheer force of her own reactions had frightened her. Death is a reality of the world they live in and she's known it for so long, but she's not ready to give up Rick, yet. Not now. Not ever.
On that short ride, her emotions run the gamut – relief that he's alive, rage to think he could be so cavalier with a life that means so much to her, terror when she realizes she's not sure if she's strong enough to endure another loss.
Uncomfortable memories of Riber surface, of that cold, drizzly afternoon when her father had collected her at the academy and taken her into town to a coffee shop. She should have realized then that something was amiss; it was rare for her father to venture onto the academy grounds, rarer still for it to be something so casual as a coffee in the nearby township. His mere presence alone should have been enough to send alarm bells ringing.
But in the blissful ignorance of youth, she hadn't considered that her life was about to change. Her father had explained about the attack, that no one on the base had survived. And her father taking her to a public place to tell her had forced her painfully to stay in control of her emotions. At first she had refused to believe him – there had been no reports of violence, until her father had told her that the top brass had agreed to keep it quiet, at least until her father had the chance to tell her in person. She still remembers the moment her dreams died - the sounds of the coffee machine at the counter, the background chatter of the other patrons. The cafe had smelled like coffee beans and cinnamon, such a warm and comforting smell and she couldn't even fall apart because there were people around them and she was in uniform. But what her father had told her about Riber's death -it had felt so unreal, so abstract, like a story that she could change the ending to if she just believed hard enough. That night she had gone home numb, disbelieving, not even when the news hit the media outlets and the few people close enough to know of her fiancé on the Mars base cast her sad, pitying glances. She had held her head up high, feeling as though she was walking in a daydream. How could it ever feel real? There was no body cold under her fingers, no gravesite to mark his life. It was only time and the absence of him in her world that made her understand he was really gone, and all her hopes and dreams for the future dissolved into dust right along with him.
Rick wasn't lost to her now, but he is asleep when she follows Claudia into the hospital room. For a split second in time, Lisa is back on the SDF-1 and Rick is recovering after being caught in the line of fire, a direct result of her own distraction. Back when she had no idea of just how important he would become to her, but important enough that the thought of him being hurt was enough to make her sob alone in her quarters. Back when she had to deliver to him the devastating news only a few days later that his big brother Roy had died.
She stares at him asleep on the bed now, and her heart climbs into her throat. Her hands tremble. She wants to yell at him, to kiss him, to shake him, to cling to the sound of his voice-
"Lisa," Claudia says her name sharply. It's enough to snap Lisa out of her spiraling thoughts. Lisa flushes and takes a breath, then forces her feet into a slow march forwards to the bed.
"I'm sorry, I was daydreaming," she offers weakly as she passes Claudia but the other woman merely gives her a hard glance.
"I could tell. I don't know where you went just now, but-"
There's a low mumble from the bed as Rick squints awake. He groans slightly and tries to sit up. Lisa is startled by how pale he looks and she rushes to his side to help him upright.
"Rick!"
"Lisa, you're back," he brightens instantly before wincing and placing a hand against his head. "Ow."
"You keep this up and your new call sign is going to end up being Crash King," Claudia chuckles from the foot of the bed. She crosses her arms across her chest but the teasing in her tone isn't reflected in her eyes.
"Ha, very funny, Claudia," Rick grumbles. Now that he's sitting up, his colour seems better and his eyes brighter. He looks directly at Lisa and smiles like he's just seen a sunrise. "I'm glad you're back."
Lisa's eyes prick. She busies herself with fussing with the sheets and his pillow, taking a moment to swallow past the uncomfortable lump in her throat.
"I'm glad to be back too," she says with fake brusqueness. Her hands tremble when they reach for his and she's frustrated at herself for being so affected. "Clearly you can't be trusted to stay out of trouble when I'm not around,"
Rick rolls his eyes but his lips quirk into a wry smile. "Told you I needed someone to keep me in line. Does this mean I get out of here now?"
"You're not going anywhere," Claudia tells him firmly and without preamble. Rick huffs irritably.
"This is stupid," he mutters but he squeezes Lisa's hand. It's all she can do to squeeze back, her throat suddenly thick. "I'm fine. I've had worse knocks."
A middle aged man with a wild shock of ginger hair and dressed in a doctor's coat breezes into the room. "Ah, Captain Hunter," he says. "Still complaining, I see."
Rick narrows his eyes at the new arrival. "I want to go home, Doctor," he says impatiently. "All this fussing is ridiculous and a waste of time."
"Rick," Lisa rebukes him quietly, surprised and caught unaware at his vehement protest.
"No, Lisa, I stand by what I said. If we were still on the SDF-1, you know just as well as I do that after a crash like this, I'd be sent straight back into battle. I'm fine, alright. I don't even have a bruise. All this fussing is completely unnecessary." Rick folds his arms across his chest and huffs. "What if there's another attack?"
The doctor peers at him over the glasses perched on the edge of his nose. His white coat gleams under the lights and the expression on his face is hard and uncompromising. "Fortunately we're no longer at war, so we can allow you the luxury of recuperating properly, Captain Hunter."
The room grows quiet. Lisa casts a small glance in Claudia's direction before returning her focus to Rick. She knows they're both remembering his big brother. They all spare a moment to wonder if only Roy had been afforded this same treatment if he might he still be there with them.
"I suppose Max is more than capable of taking point for a while," Rick finally concedes quietly.
The doctor nods once in satisfaction and runs his checks over Rick before he shuffles away to continue on his rounds. He leaves Rick with instructions for a few more nights under observation and it's met with irritation but it soon fades when Claudia steps close and takes his hand.
"Take care of yourself, Crash King," she says in a voice that's thick with emotion. She tries to temper her teasing by ruffling Rick's hair gently, like he's a little kid. Rick protests halfheartedly but he gives her a grateful half smile just the same.
"Thanks, Claudia."
Claudia gives him one more pat on the cheek before taking her leave and then Lisa and Rick are alone.
"It's just a few days, Rick," Lisa says when Rick's expression turns broody again. His brows furrow and his mouth turns down but when she speaks, his gaze turns to her and he softens.
"I know, I guess I just wanted to spend time with you. Not be stuck in here," he says miserably.
She takes a seat on the edge of the bed. "I'm just grateful you're not badly hurt."
"I'm tougher than I look," he mutters but there's no heat in his tone. He regards her for a moment with a tilt of his head as though just realizing something. "Huh. You didn't bring me flowers this time."
Lisa blinks then flushes slightly at the sly smirk that forms on his mouth but she's glad that he's no longer arguing about spending more time in the hospital. Last time he had been out for weeks.
"I was in a little bit of hurry to get here," she confesses with a blush.
"Really? You came straight from the base?"
"Straight from the shuttle."
"Hm, I see. Well, you know what I hear is better than flowers?" he asks her in a conspiratorial stage whisper.
She lifts an eyebrow as he uses his free hand to tap his cheek knowingly. "Oh, and what's that?"
"A kiss."
"A kiss?" she plays along, feigning doubt. His playfulness goes a long way to settling her nerves. "Are you sure?"
He tugs on her hand to draw her closer. "Uh huh. I have it on very good authority that a kiss is the very best cure."
The dancing mischief in his eye and the drowning relief that he's not seriously hurt makes her exhale a soft laugh. "Well, who am I to argue with that?"
He grins as she leans forward and gently captures his chin with her fingertips to keep him still. She presses her lips chastely against his cheek. His eyes stay closed for a long moment as though he's in deep contemplation when she draws back.
"Nope," he sighs with mock regret when his eyes open. "Didn't work. Let's try again. And kiss me properly this time."
Lisa hides her smile. "Alright, then. Pucker up," and he snorts slightly at the echo of his own words from long ago. She leans in and lays her lips over his sweetly, giving him a tender kiss that rings with relief.
He hums happily under her mouth and reaches up to hook a finger gently through her hair, trailing it down the length of her strands. "Lisa," he murmurs against her lips, his eyes still closed. "I love you so much."
She can't bring herself to answer, her throat too thick with emotion to reply. For a long moment, there's only a dull quiet in the room broken only by the slight hum and beeps of the monitors.
"Why don't you get some rest," she tells him, leaning over to kiss his forehead gently when his blue eyes dim with the shadow of pain and fatigue. "I won't be far away."
He drifts off a short time later and Lisa is content to sit beside him and watch him sleep. The truth was that she was tired too, and the trek back to her quarters suddenly felt as insurmountable as climbing Everest. Plus, she simply didn't want to leave him so she stays where she is, cradles his palm against her own… and allows her mind to roam as he sleeps.
She wonders at the safety of her heart. She had been so concerned about Minmei that she hadn't given a lot of thought to the other threats to her happiness. She had so much more to lose; the stakes were so much higher now and in the grand scheme of things, they weren't special. She couldn't love him enough to save him from any of the dangers he faced every day.
All they could do was make the most of the time they had and one small thing keeps ringing in her mind as she presses the back of his palm to her cheek and watches him sleep… Her love with Riber had been innocent, all big dreams and ardent promises but her love with Rick was painfully real and tactile - in all ways but one.
She doesn't want to lose him without knowing him intimately. If fate decided to deal them the hand Claudia or any number of husbands and wives and lovers throughout the war had been dealt, Lisa doesn't want to spend her life wondering what it would have been like to have him touch her.
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Rick wakes up during the night with a queasy stomach and a lash of pain across his head but the glimpse of gold and honey spread against the side of the bed is enough for him to swallow down his noise of protest.
In the dim glow of the hospital monitors, he can see Lisa asleep next to him. Her head is pillowed on her arms where she rests them on the side of the bed, the jacket of her uniform draped over the back of her chair leaving her in the gold of her uniform's turtleneck. There are a handful of paper reports strewn beside her, a curl is pressed against her cheek and her lips part gently as she breathes.
She must be exhausted, he thinks and then he's reminded of another time, of watching Minmei sleep against hospital sheets and marvels at the differences in himself since then, wondering if what he had harbored for Minmei for so long really was love, or if it was just a childish infatuation.
Lisa hadn't even been on the planet when he had been hit, but here she was now, right beside him.
The gratitude and love for her swirls up inside him and makes his throat thick but he tries to tell himself he's just feeling strange because of the drugs.
He reaches out to touch her, trailing a hand over her silky hair and brushing a finger against her cheek.
"Hi," he whispers as she stirs. She blinks once then sits up. He notices her eyes are red, the telltale pink of her nose that says she's been crying. His heart swells again, heavy and full in a way that makes him feel so warm.
"Oh, I fell asleep."
"Come up here," he says, wriggling over as he pats the mattress. His head lashes in pain at the movement but he hides the wince. Not as well as he thought he had when she sits up in concern.
"Rick, are you alright? Do I need to call someone?"
"No, I'm fine. But come into the bed. Lie with me."
"What? I can't do that."
"Why not? There's enough room."
"What if someone comes in and sees us?"
"So what if they do?"
Lisa hesitates and Rick reaches for her hand, tugs on it. He can see the longing in her eyes. She wants to, he can tell, he just needs her to relax her guard. "Come on," he whispers, longing for the feel of her against him.
She hesitates for a moment more then stands up. She slips off her heels, stashing them neatly against the wall before she slides onto the bed beside him. She's stiff when she lies down, as though worried she's going to hurt him but he guides her head against his chest and tucks her in close. The familiar scent of her hair fills his nose and makes him more relaxed than anything the medical team pumped into his veins.
"Is this alright?" she whispers, rigid. He can still feel her tension where she's trying not to lean too heavily against him.
"Very alright," he assures her and hugs her closer. It's all the permission she needs to allow her body to melt against him.
Rick falls asleep with her head against his chest and her hand on his heart.
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