Prompt: "Hold on, this whole thing was your idea!"

In which Ron and Hermione compete on The Circle.

Era: AU

Rating: K+

Catfishing

"So let me get this straight. We are pretending to be Harry?"

"Yes, Ron." Hermione's tone bordered on impatience after explaining the muggle term catfishing to Ron, showing him how social media worked, and holding his hand through the set-up process of their online profile.

They were standing shoulder to shoulder, arms crossed, eyes narrowed at the giant screen mounted to an aggressively orange wall. Their temporary flat had— supposedly— been customized to their preferences, which included a Chudley Cannons-colored accent wall, fluffy yellow pillows on a stark-white sofa, and a kitchenette that was fully stocked with appliances that Ron didn't know how to use.

Honestly, he wasn't sure what he had committed to when he suggested competing on The Circle. So far, this was much more intense than he'd anticipated, and he'd been fighting off constant waves of nausea since arriving on set, not unlike his anxiety before a Quidditch match. It was almost worse—over his time at Hogwarts he'd grown accustomed to the whole school watching him play, but this was different. This time, the entire muggle population of Great Britain was watching him compete in a game to which he didn't yet know the rules.

If he had known that The Circle was such a big deal, he would have found another way to win one hundred thousand pounds—or however many galleons that was.

He glanced sideways at Hermione, quietly resenting the fact that she hadn't tried to talk him out of it.

"Do you think they'll believe that we're Harry?" he asked.

"If we play the game well, they will. Remember, he's not famous in the muggle world. They have no idea who he is."

Right, the muggle world. The one Ron knew very little about— a fact that put him at great risk of breaking the Statute of Secrecy during this game. Why was he doing this again? Hermione really should have stopped him.

"Okay, it works for me," said Ron, shrugging. "Circle, edit profile."

He chuckled when the proper boxes popped up, and a cursor blinked expectantly at him. How was that not magic? Impressive.

Hermione cleared her throat. "Let's set our age to twenty, and our occupation to…" she paused, scrunching up her face in thought. "How about Security Guard?"

Ron hesitated. "I don't know if we can convince people that that scrawny git is a security guard."

"That's a good point," shrugged Hermione, "but he's kind of young to be a full-fledged police officer."

"Unemployed trust-fund kid?" suggested Ron, with a smirk that read 'where's the lie?"

Hermione tried to mask a smile. "Well, yes, but we want people to like him and think he deserves to win a hundred thousand pounds."

"Let's say he's a student, then."

Hermione nodded. "Yes, that makes the most sense. Circle, set occupation to student."

Ron glanced at Hermione. "Do you know enough about muggle school to get by?"

Hermione scowled at him, clearly affronted by his assumption that she wouldn't.

"Great," he said brightly, although still skeptical. "Circle, edit description."

"My name is Harry and I am a 20-year-old pre-law student," began Hermione, glancing sideways at Ron, who nodded his approval. "I spend most of my time studying, playing sports, and hanging out with my two-year-old godson, Teddy." She motioned at Ron to pick up where she left off.

"I'd love to win the money for Teddy, whose parents were killed when he was a baby. As a fellow orphan, I want Teddy to have a better childhood than I did—"

Hermione interrupted him with a glare. "You're joking, right?"

"Should I not say that?"

"Don't you think we should play down the whole 'tortured past' thing?"

"I guess," sighed Ron. "I just want people to think he's interesting."

"Me too, but not 'the chosen one' kind of interesting."

"Good point," said Ron. "You end it, then."

Hermione turned back to the screen. "I'm so excited to be a part of the #CircleFam and I can't wait to get to know everyone!"

Ron nodded. "Sounds good. Friendly, interesting, but not too interesting."

"Perfect' said Hermione.

They turned back to the screen. The description and biography were complete; they were just missing a profile picture.

"Circle," said Ron loudly and clearly. "Take me to my photo albums."

A collage of non-moving photographs filtered onto the screen — there was a photo of Harry and Ginny holding hands at the beach, the three of them smiling at a muggle theme park, a grainy mirror-selfie that Harry took in what appeared to be a public bathroom, and a photo of Harry laughing and carrying Dobby on his back.

"You know what? That's the best one," said Hermione, pointing at the photo of Harry and Dobby. "I think we should use it."

"And what will the muggles think?" asked Ron.

"They'll probably assume he photoshopped it."

Ron opened his mouth to retort but decided against asking her what the hell 'photoshop' meant. "Okay, I trust you."

"Circle, select profile photo," she said, guiding the cursor to the correct picture.

The computer's robot voice responded, "Profile complete: Circle Chat is now open."

Both Ron and Hermione hesitated as the reality sank in. Were they really going to do this?

"I guess we should introduce ourselves now," said Hermione flatly.

"Yeah," said Ron, as his stomach twisted into knots. "I guess."

They glanced nervously at each other and said in unison, "Open Circle Chat."

As soon as the chatbox opened, messages began flooding in.

"New player!"

"OMG nice to meet you!"

"Welcome to the #CircleFam!"

"Hello, Harry!"

"Welcome!"

"Tell us about yourself!"

Hermione chuckled and took a step back. "Answer them, Ron! Just don't say anything too wizardy."

"Why me? I can't talk to muggles, I'll give us away!" said Ron, watching the screen wide-eyed as messages kept scrolling through. "You have to do it!"

"Hold on, this whole thing was your idea."

Ron groaned. "I know it was! But I thought you'd do the talking!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Really? I'm terrible at social media."

"LOL I knew it would be another dude!"

"Ladies, keep it together."

"Bro, what did you do to your profile picture?

"Is that Yoda?"

"What the bloody hell is a Yoda?" asked Ron.

"They must think Dobby is a Star Wars character."

"See, this is why you have to do it! I don't know anything about Star Wars."

"And you think I do?" asked Hermione.

They carried on arguing, nearly forgetting about the open Circle Chat awaiting their participation. The Circle participants must have been hungry for human interaction because when they finally paused to glance back at the screen, it was still scrolling with messages.

"Are you there, Harry?"

"Hello?"

"Knock knock! Who's there?"

"Ron!" said Hermione, panic seeping through her tone. "Really, we need to respond!"

"I know!" he said. "How are they still talking— oh no, Hermione, look what they're saying!"

"How are we supposed to believe this guy is really twenty if he can't keep up with a group chat?"

"I smell catfish."

"They're onto us already!"

"I know," she said. "We're so screwed."

"No, no, we've got this," said Ron. "Let's not get discouraged. If we can win the wizarding war, we can definitely win The Circle."

Hermione nodded. "You're right," she said, turning back to the screen. "Let's do this!"

Ron cleared his throat again. "Hey everyone! My name is Harry and I'm excited to be here. What's a Yoda?"

"Yeah," muttered Hermione as soon as the message sent. "We're screwed."