Meditation … meditation.

I was quite ready to jump through Krennic's windows, all the way down the cliff now. I was so fucking fed up with trying meditating and communicating with those crystals. I had tried with or without caff, with the coral as well, surrounded by people or all alone at night. I had tried a fast, or eating a thousand different stuff supposed to keep myself alert. For the moment, nothing came. It just felt … trapped. Trapped underground, trapped in this desolate moon, helpless. I wasn't going anywhere. For the first time in the past five years, I really longed for the shores of my childhood.

I was now successful, when I wanted my thoughts to stop, to call for the void. It didn't last long; perhaps a few minutes. But considering how my mind always worked a thousand things at the same time and needed countless stimulations, the victory was worth noticing. The more I worked with Galen, the more I realised how similar we were. The main difference; he was too far gone on the scale, even for me. I related to people around me more easily than he, while he delved deeper into the recessed of his thoughts. Perhaps I was only the female pendant to him. Perhaps not. Who cared?

The lights were down, now, the kybers the only source in the room. Their orange and yellow hues painted the room so strangely. If I concentrated enough, I almost saw them oscillating like liquid fire. I allowed my eyes to unfocus, observing, without a parasite thought, the shadow in the room. Every embryo of reflexion was pushed away as I kept myself calm.

Nothing. Or rather, the same sensation then before. Trapped.

My eyes widened.

Trapped! Of course! The Kybers were trapped like I was. Helpless, surrounded by duracrete rather than their natural environment. Could they feel the rocks beneath us? The kilotons of volcanic matter, beaten for millennia, that had created this moon? How deep was their awareness? Could they feel me?

I took a few steps closer to the main Kyber and closed my eyes, trying to convey my own entrapment to the crystal beside me. For a long moment, nothing happened.

Then I saw him.

Galen held a little boy in his arms, straight blond hair and wide smile, like it was the most precious thing in the world. The toddler seemed to be chatting his ear off, and Galen's attention was focused, his features serious as he nodded. But that look in his eyes told me so much more; they were processing a thousand information already. And most of them swirled around this little boy, the joy, disbelief, happiness buried deep within. In the background stood a young woman with sharp cheekbones. Jyn Erso. Older than I thought she was, perhaps fifteen or so.

I smiled, the image dissolving at once. Seeing Galen happy brought such relief in the difficult situation we were in. He was my friend, and I wanted the best for him. This child meant he would find his daughter, and perhaps adopt another child to complete his family. Perhaps he would even marry again. Good.

My mind started kicking in at once. Was the Kyber showing me the future? Or an alternate reality? Would this actually happen, or was I the one going nuts?

The scene appeared once more, as if to quell my doubts and give me faith. The toddler was laughing, tickled by his father, and Galen smiled. A full, hearty smile that revealed his sharp canines brightened his face and creased the corner of his eyes. Happiness. My heart melted there. Who knew, that behind the sadness and the mask, could exist such a beautiful man? His emotions raw, pouring out of him easily, open. Joy, radiating from him, nearly blinding.

I yelped when a gentle hand landed on my shoulder, but didn't jump. I knew this touch, now.

— "It is late, Elya. You should get to sleep."

A sideways glance revealed Galen Erso, sharp features bathed in shadows, a line of worry marring his forehead. Darkness, after such beauty. Like a blanket of despair falling over both of shoulders. I observed him, eyebrows knitted, and the only think I could think of was how badly I wanted that smile to come back again. I'd been so blinded by the light that I couldn't take the shadows anymore. Darkness was killing me; I wanted nothing more than to crawl back to the sun. A desire so overwhelming that it made my body shake. Fuck, what was wrong with me?

— "Are you alright?" he asked.

I shook myself, watching as harsh strokes of reality covered my bright painting. Ever since the rumour had started to spread about us being lovers, we could at least show concern in the open. But we never forgot that every single glance, every conversation was recorded. My playful rebuke would help me shed the fantasy world I had been peeking at.

— "What, no ardent loving this evening?"

Galen's eyes bore holes into me, fleeting expressions passing through until regret settled upon his sharp features. His warm hand returned to my back, sending strange tingles down my spine, and he slowly leant towards me. I froze when his breath fanned upon my cheek, his body so close that I could feel his heat radiating, his smell permeating through. Damn, he was so distracting. Galen kept me close, his touch gentle and strong, as he pretended to kiss my cheek. A way to murmur, instead, in my ear.

— "I wish your honour wouldn't be questioned like this."

I kept my voice low enough to escape the recording.

— "There is no dishonour in being yours," I responded evenly.

Yours, rather than Krennic's.

Shocked, Erso shifted as he took in my earnest features. He was barely a breath away, his eyes keeping me captive, demanding answers. I had nothing else to say, and stared back, watching the incredible golden streaks that marred his eyes. There was a reason why he called his little girl Stardust; she had probably inherited the trait from him.

We remained there, suspended, out of time … until he retreated, seemingly flustered. I couldn't very well tell him that he was even more a hero, now, than I had believed him to be. That I admired and cared for him more than I had ever cared for anyone. That I would go to great length to set him free, and see him happy.

Where will you be, Elya, when he's gone?

I couldn't possibly tell him any of this in fear of selling our ploy … or perhaps I didn't want to expose myself. His hand slid, slowly, along my arm to grab my fingers. Skin upon skin, so soft and tender, that left my body humming. Galen squeezed my fingers once, then left me in the shadows. The sound of his footsteps retreating didn't cover the frantic beatings of my heart.

Two days later…

Vader

This couldn't be good. And while Orson performed for us his most prideful march, praising our work while pushing us to do more – or threatening – I stole a glance by my side. Elya had paled considerably, her fingers hooked on the table side, keeping her aloft.

She knew.

She knew what Vader was, what he was capable of, didn't she? I didn't expect less of her, even if the status of Lord Vader as a Sith was only whispered in alleys, and among people who believed in the Force church.

— "For Lord Vader to consent to a visit is a great honour, and I hope you will be at your best."

We still stood proud, side by side on the main desk, facing our crew with the arrogance expected of us. Elya's jaw was set, but she didn't show her fear… I just knew her enough, by now, to feel anxiety oozing out of her.

Krennic's icy gaze turned to us, his lips slightly quirked, as if he knew something we didn't. Was this visit a milestone of his triumph? A political move to get in the Emperor's good graces? A necessary evil to win the second-in-command to his cause? Knowing Orson, it could be any of the above, or a million more political ploys I wasn't privy to.

— "The chance for the bests scientists to prove your worth."

And beneath the smile laid such expectations, such a warning that Elya gulped by my side. She was vulnerable, still, to Krennic's hold. I couldn't shield her from his influence; this was a path she had to tread on her own. The best I could offer was an empathic ear, and the ashes of my past experience to guide her to freedom.

Orson's hand squeezed Elya's in a show of concern. Feigned, probably, but feigned so brilliantly that no one could see through. I only levelled him with a bland look, choosing to escape in my mind rather than face a man I had loved like a brother for so many years. A man who had betrayed me so easily, so blatantly that my heart ached.

I needed to make plans. Lord Vader would want a demonstration and to review the maps of the battle station. We had three months to provide him with a convincing demonstration. Three months to shield myself against the will of a Sith who would probably see right through my intentions. Perhaps I should ask Elya to teach me the meditation techniques she had been practising.

Orson left with Elya in tow, intend on discussing the great plan he had in mind. I buried myself in my office to avoid the hassle of excited co-workers launching idea after idea in the lab. How they were not terrified was beyond me…

This very evening.

I was terrified. So terrified that I nearly vomited my collation – the cakes Krennic bribed me with – in the fresher. In his office, he had sobered from the fake enthusiasm shown to my team to the various serious and calculating man I knew. He wanted me to check in every week, exposing our plans, so that Lord Vader's visit would be flawless. I gathered his neck was on the line with this from the crease that formed upon his forehead.

He had released me fifteen minutes ago with a gentle pat upon my shoulder.

— "Make me proud, Elya."

Ever the gentle father figure… Or not. I was now pacing like a lion in a cage in my quarters, hoping Galen would show up so that we could discuss this new obstacle in peace. His face had not moved a muscle in the lab; perhaps I was the only one freaking out. At any rate, I would take his gentle reassurance with relief. I'd never been so tightly strung in the past; facing official examiners couldn't hold a candle to meeting, Lord Vader. To think that Orson's presence used to ground me … and now he was about to unleash the emperor's second in command upon us… A Sith, whose abilities to feel and read minds would probably unmask us.

The door swished open, making me jump. One simple look at Galen's face told me reassurance would be scarce. Now that his blank mask had fallen, I could read the panic in his eyes. His mind was running so wild that he barely acknowledged me. I reached for his hand.

— "Come, sit," I ordered.

The tall man lowered himself on the bed, his back rigid, his body ready to spring. Coiled. I sighed, and fished a piece of coral from my drawer. A little nibble was all it took for my body to relax – a Pavlov reflex now. I offered the orange root to Galen, turning it so that he wouldn't have to bite where my teeth had sunk – friends, yes, but we weren't about to share saliva. The scientist shook out of his haze, dismissing my attempt with a wave of his hand. I didn't insist.

— "So…", I started. "Vader."

— "Yes. Vader."

— "A mind reading Sith, coming to uproot a mole, you think?"

Erso addressed me an assessing look; he wasn't shocked.

— "How do you know about those rumours, Elya? You've been researching the Force Church?"

I pursed my lips; did he really think me that stupid to sell my doubts on the empire's network? My temper rose.

— "Of course not! Whom do you take me for?"

Galen's hand suddenly lifted in true universal gesture of peace, and I realised I had attacked him out of fear. I took a deep breath, marvelling about his character. Most people I knew reacted to aggression by aggression, me the first. But when facing anger, the scientist managed to put things in perspective when I clearly had trouble reining my temper. So I endeavoured to lower my tone, and not bite his head off.

— "I will not risk the holonet. Krennic would pick up on that. But I had a vision."

This time, his eyebrows knitted on his forehead.

— "A vision?"

There was no contempt nor derision in his voice, and I felt respected enough to continue.

— "Yes. The day you brought those crystals in, I wanted to test Lyra's side of things."

The flinch was barely there, but it still flashed in his eyes when I mentioned her name. It had been ten months already… But I couldn't let this fact sidetrack me, so I went on.

— "I think the kybers showed me that Sith force them to their will. They turn red because they bleed."

— "They can force the crystals?" he asked, aghast.

I nodded; trust him to focus on the control rather on the blood symbol. Galen passed a hand over his eyes with agitation.

— "This is even worse than I thought. We're making no progress because the Kybers are not cooperative. We must prevent Vader from playing with the crystals."

And this is when I understood.

— "Else the weapon will be created with or without our will."

Erso nodded.

— "There's a more urgent matter to tackle before that."

I frowned, wondering if he'd heard about Krennic's crazy ideas.

— "What, to put up a show? Krennic wants reports and had a precise idea about what he wants to see."

Galen shook his head, leaving me puzzled. But he said nothing, his eyes fixed on the dull duracrete of my wall while he searched for the right "concept", not the right words. The more I knew him, the more I could read his mannerism. And I was amazed that, now, he showed me more of himself when he used to be very close off. His facial expressions and his body were usually still; he kept them hidden from the rest of the scientists. But our camaraderie had unthawn him, somehow.

— "We must learn to shield our thoughts and emotions."

My blood froze; the dread returned full force, grabbing my insides and twisting them in a painful knot. Guarding my thoughts? I knew enough how to keep them to myself and wear a neutral mask. Those past weeks leading on Krennic, a man who knew me more than anyone here, had proven my skill. But to prevent thoughts from happening altogether?

— "I … Galen. What if I fail?"

I hated the sound of my voice, meek, and weak. Galen levelled me with a serious look; neither encouraging nor condemning. And in this moment, I also hated that he was so astute. So level headed.

— "Then I fear both of our lives will be forfeit."

The weight of that knowledge settled on my shoulders like a thousand tons of iridium. If Vader caught the waves of dissent that came from me… I would die. And Galen Erso just as well. My hands started shaking, and I tried to hide them under my knees, squeezing my eyes tight. Those emotions were foreign to me, and I didn't know how to handle them. I'd never feared for my life, neither for another's … but to hear, firsthand, that my failure could bring my first true friend to his death.

The tightness in my throat prevented me from talking, and a whimper escaped me as I tried not to cry. A warm hand landed on my knee. Shy, at first, then more assured as I didn't move. My eyes opened, catching Galen's hazel gaze.

— "They can't do it without at least one of us. I'll advocate I corrupted you."

I shook my head. I refused to sacrifice him when I was the one who offered to help him. But he would have none of my resistance, and leant closer, his long fingers encasing my knee with more strength.

— "Elya, if Vader discovers us, you need to let me take the blame."

Yes, the idea of that Sith terrified me. But I couldn't let Galen fall; he had a daughter. As for me … no one quite depended on me anymore.

— "No. Jyn needs you."

His face fell, and I cursed myself for reminding him that, should we fail, his daughter would become an orphan. How could I be this stupid? Of course, he wouldn't forget it. But his reasoning was sound enough. The mask I knew all too well – and started to detest – replaced his agonised look.

— "I know. But I'll be the only one believable for a betrayal. I have reasons to fight Krennic and the empire, you don't. If Vader suspects, you will need to take over the job."

Taking over? Without him? That thought alone sent cold shivers down my spine. But it wasn't what terrified me the worst… On a whim, I rose on my knees, and threw myself in his arms. That gesture surprised both of us; I'd never initiated contact before. Those were his domain, the one of the married man, the father. But not the cold Elya.

Galen's arms closed around me, and I shuddered at this very human, very welcome contact. It felt like nothing could really happen while I stayed in his embrace. As if the rest of the universe could crumble down, and I'd still be gathered in this safe place. Is that how Lyra felt when he hugged her? Lyra … whose spirit must have been yelling at us from above. Lyra, who guided me to be wary of Darth Vader. The Sith Lord who might uncover us, and put Galen, her husband, to death.

My arms suddenly tightened; I didn't want him to die. The idea of going on without him was too much to bear. And while his arms enclosed me in a cocoon of safety, I realised how dangerous it was to open oneself to emotions, how incredibly taxing for one's mind. Because now that I had made a friend – he had become so much of my world – I couldn't bear the idea to loose him. I just couldn't; Galen was part of my landscape. Of my thoughts. Of me.

How could I even imagine going on without him? To complete the work of this incredible mind? I had not even the slightest idea about what he was doing in the first place.

— "Galen?"

My voice was muffled, my nose buried in his neck. The scent of him, so faint, washed over me.

— "Yes."

The quiet rumble of his voice echoed from his chest to mine, and I savoured this simple fact before my brain kicked in. And so, gathering my courage, I pulled back. He let me go so easily that slight disappointment marred my thoughts before they returned to the problem at hand.

— "I don't even know what the plan is."

His lip darted over his upper lip, his mind running the thousand and one solution before they settled.

— "I can't tell you. You'll be in danger."

— "But what if …. ?"

I couldn't bring myself to name the possibility of his death, but I had to face the truth. We couldn't build a contingency plan on wishful thinking only.

— "I'll make a holocron and hide it in your fresher. If I am not discovered, we'll destroy it."

I shouldn't have been surprised, really, that he had thought this over already. I nodded warily; this was the best solution. Because if I knew his intentions, I wouldn't be able to keep my mind from it. And if Vader really was the Sith Lord he was rumoured to be, I would be busted on sight … then, I would sell Galen Erso as the mastermind of this rebellion. Not voluntarily, of course; I would never put him in danger.

But If I knew how to hide, I couldn't lie to one's face properly. My lack of people's skills ensured that I could only deliver the truth. As long as Krennic didn't look for something specific, I could mislead him. But if, one day, he came to question my loyalty, I was done for. And so, while I was mulling on those thoughts, Galen's quiet voice surprised me.

— "Elya ?"

I lifted my head, finding his gaze more intense than ever.

— "Yes?"

— "If… If I don't make it, and when it is over. I…"

His voice was shaking now, and I gave him time to find the right words. Then, he seemed to steel his spine, and some kind of acceptance crept upon his face. Acceptance that deeply disturbed me.

— "I know it's a lot to ask but will you look for Jyn?"

Air fled my lungs at the trust he was placing in my lap.

— "How?", I asked.

His tense features softened at my easy acceptance, and for a moment, I wondered if he wasn't going to hug me to death. The relief I read in his gaze was so great that it overwhelmed me.

— "I'll leave instructions in the holocron as well. And message to her."

I felt like a brother in arms slicing my palm open to swear an oath. For this is what it was, to me. There were too many "if" coming in between my will and reality. If he died, if I could sabotage the battle station without dying. But my mind was set. Should the worst happen, Galen would depart this universe knowing that I would do my utmost to protect and care for his little girl. Although I had no idea how and why, although it terrified me to the core, I swore all the same.

— "I promise Galen. If something happens to you, I promise I will do my best."