Chapter 3

They watched tv, one of Iruka's arms around Kakashi's waist, and Kakashi's head on Iruka's shoulder. Iruka stroked Kakashi's back slowly. With a pang of self-consciousness, Iruka realized they were the picture of domestic bliss. Domestic bliss that he hadn't had even when he'd had a boyfriend. He and his boyfriend hadn't been this way. They hadn't been compatible that way; Iruka was a snuggler and his boyfriend hadn't been.

Kakashi laughed at the goofy game show on the tv, and Iruka found it a surprisingly infectious laugh. It was a distinctive laugh, reminding Iruka of the kind of mischievous giggles he might hear from one of the children in his class after they'd just set up a prank.

He was relieved that Kakashi could laugh this way. After hearing something of Kakashi's childhood, Iruka was surprised. He must have worked really hard. This was the first proof Iruka had that Kakashi had been in therapy. So clearly, Sandaime had known, even if no one else did, and ensured that Kakashi got help.

Iruka squeezed Kakashi gently.

Kakashi let out a happy murmur and nuzzled Iruka's neck, pressing against Iruka's side.

Still, he has a long way to go before he makes a full recovery. The affection-deprived nature of Kakashi's life was a major concern, just like it would be if Kakashi were one of his students. Gai clearly couldn't handle Kakashi's needs by himself. Iruka couldn't blame Gai for that; as demonstrative and affectionate as Gai was, he was also a busy jonin sensei. And, Iruka suspected Gai had his own problems.

"Aww, it's over," Kakashi said, snapping Iruka out of his thoughts. "Make it come back on."

Iruka gathered then and there Kakashi didn't watch a lot of tv. "TV programs appear on a schedule. The show will come back on all by itself tomorrow."

Kakashi considered that. "Okay. Are you going to watch it tomorrow with me?"

That's a good question. Iruka thought guiltily about work and having to leave Kakashi home alone eventually. Maybe…I'll ask for a vacation? He doubted he'd get it, though. He never could convince himself to push very hard. At the slightest objection, he withdrew his application and went back to work.

"Yes," Iruka said. He rubbed Kakashi's back. "I'll watch the show with you when it comes on tomorrow."

"Okay." Kakashi turned his attention from the tv to Iruka. "Let's talk."

Iruka suspected that meant Kakashi was bored of tv right now if it couldn't produce the show he wanted. Well, that was a normal reaction, and he couldn't expect Kakashi to watch tv all day.

"About what?" Iruka asked neutrally.

"Things," Kakashi said.

"What kind of things?" Iruka asked gently, smiling. He figured out by Kakashi's evasion that the man was feeling shy. Intimidated children did the same kind of runaround with people they talked to.

"Things about you," Kakashi said. "I want to get to know you."

Iruka swallowed a protest, and tried to keep from blushing. He was flattered and also wary. But ultimately what won out was the sweetness of the moment; Kakashi was like a little kid, with a little kid's honesty and interest. "Alright."

"I'll answer your questions, too," Kakashi said, as if he hadn't heard Iruka's acquiescence. "I'll answer anything you want me to, Ruka-chan."

Ruka-chan? Iruka didn't recall saying it was okay for Kakashi to call him '-chan'; still, it was cute, and he didn't mind. "Okay, Kashi-chan," he retorted, grinning.

Kakashi perked up. "Kashi-chan?"

"Yes." Iruka poked the tip of his nose gently. "That's you."

Kakashi smiled. Iruka could barely make it out underneath Kakashi's mask. It was a sweet smile. "Kay."

"What're your questions?" Iruka prompted gently, set at ease by that smile.

"What was your first date?" Kakashi asked.

Iruka almost pulled away. "What?" What kind of a question is that?

"How old were you?" Kakashi asked. "Did it go well? Did you date that person some more? Was it any good?" He beamed. "Do you like anyone, Ruka-sensei?"

Iruka flushed, trying to recover. If Kakashi was going to hit on him like this, regression or not, then he could ask the same kind of embarrassing questions. "Well, what was your first date, Kashi-chan?"

"Never been on one," Kakashi said.

Iruka instantly felt bad for jumping to conclusions. He's not hitting on me. He's curious. He shook his head at himself. Get your head out of the gutter. Am I going to make a habit of this? "Oh." He hugged Kakashi. "I'm sorry."

"Does that mean it's good?" Kakashi asked. "Dating?"

"Very good," Iruka said gently. "It's healthy."

"I know," Kakashi said. "But I can't get anyone to date me."

Iruka felt those words rip through the outer hull of his heart, puncturing holes in it just after he'd taped it back together from earlier this morning. "Kakashi-kun, when you recover from your sharingan overuse, and you still want to, I'll date you." How much harm could it do? He'd at least show Kakashi the ropes, if the Copy Ninja wanted him to. Someone had to parent Kakashi; Kakashi wasn't going to learn these things by himself.

"Really?" Kakashi looked at him hopefully. There it was; Kakashi's trust issues popping out again.

"Really." Iruka hugged on him again and kissed his forehead.

Kakashi settled down in his arms. "Okay."

"Is that all you wanted to know?" Iruka asked, bemused.

"Uh-huh."

Iruka flushed. "Well…my first date was to an arcade with a café in it. And all I had was a soda. But it was a fun date. I was twelve. So I thought it was the best thing in the world. And I did date him again, and I did like him."

Kakashi fell silent, considering.

Iruka thought it was strange that Kakashi didn't ask him who it was. But he supposed that might not matter to Kakashi.

"Why didn't you end up with him?" Kakashi asked finally. "Did he die?"

"No," Iruka said. He squeezed Kakashi. "He was a jerk."

Kakashi gave Iruka a concerned look. "Oh." He turned around in Iruka's arms and hugged Iruka, snuggling. "I'm sorry, Ruka-chan."

"It's okay," Iruka said. He looked away and mumbled, "I got over him." Some days, he wondered if that were true. It was pretty hard to get over someone trying to kill you.

"No, you didn't," Kakashi said.

Iruka felt this was the worst possible time for Kakashi to be observant. "No, I didn't," he agreed with a sigh. "I've been fooling myself. I haven't dated anyone since him. It's been…" He sighed again. "It's been three and a half years since I broke up with him, but…"

"That's not enough," Kakashi said. "Obito and Rin and Sensei still make me sad. It's been a lot more years than three."

Iruka hugged Kakashi tightly.

xXx

Kakashi fell asleep, and Iruka got up and did the dishes. He needed to do laundry, too. He crossed back through the living room, checking to make sure Kakashi was comfortably asleep, and then started a wash.

When he came back, Kakashi had started to squirm, so Iruka sat down beside him and stroked his head.

Kakashi stopped struggling in his sleep after a few moments, whispering something that sounded suspiciously like 'Naruto'.

Iruka suddenly wondered if Kakashi were having nightmares about the mission to aid the Sand. After all, that was how Kakashi had come back chakra exhausted. He must have done some pretty intense fighting. And Naruto had been there. Then he wondered why he was jumping to conclusions. Kakashi could dream about Naruto whether Naruto had been are lately or not.

A chakra presence outside the door to his apartment startled Iruka, and snapped Kakashi awake. Then someone knocked on the door, rather insistently.

Kakashi was on his feet in a heartbeat, hands clenched.

Iruka jumped up and took Kakashi's shoulders. "No, no, it's okay. I promise."

"We're not –" The alarm suddenly drained out of Kakashi's gray eye, and his shoulders slumped.

"We're not being attacked," Iruka finished.

Kakashi nodded and hung his head. "I was just dreaming –"

"I know." Iruka hugged him and then went to answer the door. The person was banging on it by now. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kakashi trailing after him, yellow blanket draped over his shoulders.

Iruka was no sensor nin, so he was surprised when he opened the door and found Sakura standing there.

"Iruka-sensei!" Sakura scowled and waved a finger in his face. "I can't believe you had something to do with this!"

Kakashi crept up behind Iruka, looking over Iruka's shoulder. He chuckled. "Maa, hello, Sakura-chan."

"You," Sakura hissed. She glared at her former teacher. "You are impossible. Why do you always sneak away from those trying to help you?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Bad habit, I guess."

"And why would you run to Iruka-sensei?" Sakura demanded.

"I didn't," Kakashi said.

"Yes, you did, you escaped and –"

"Gai took me," Kakashi said. "In a wheelchair. I didn't do any running."

Sakura let out a sound of pure rage.

"I thought you'd be happy," Kakashi said, looking let down.

"Why would I be happy?" Sakura yelled.

"Gai used a wheelchair," Kakashi said. "I didn't strain myself. I ended up somewhere nice and warm and safe…"

Sakura rubbed a hand over her face. "Okay, fine. But Shishou isn't happy about it, and she wants to see you, now. And she thinks it's my fault for not making sure you stayed where you were supposed to – like I'm the teacher and you're the student! Honestly, Kaka-sensei!"

"I'm coming, too," Iruka put in.

Sakura looked confused. "Why would you come?"

Iruka sighed and gave her a patient look. "Because I said so. And I am still your sensei."

Sakura turned pink and hung her head. "Sorry, Iruka-sensei…"

Iruka smiled cheerfully. "That's okay." He patted her head. Then he turned to Kakashi. "Are you ready to go see the Hokage?"

Kakashi whimpered. "She's scary."

"I'll make sure she's not too scary," Iruka said. "I'll be there. Remember?" He gave Kakashi an encouraging smile. "I'll even teleport you there, so that we don't have to walk."

Kakashi wound his arms around Iruka's waist and clung.

Sakura looked disturbed. Iruka wished it were more of 'there's something wrong with Kaka-sensei' and less of 'Kaka-sensei is weird'.

He shrugged it off and did the hand seals for teleportation jutsu. "Here we go…"

They appeared in a flash in the Hokage's office. Tsunade sat behind her oversized desk, Shizune in attendance.

"Well, it's about time," Tsunade said. "Would you believe I actually had to ask Sakura to track him down? Where did you find him, Iruka?"

Iruka blinked. "At my home."

Tsunade was taken aback. "Your home?"

"Which is exactly where he was this entire time," Iruka said. "Safe and sound. I'm not sure why there has been any confusion. Gai-san certainly must have informed you of his decision to ask me to take care of Kakashi until his return from his mission."

"He did not," Tsunade said.

Iruka had a headache. He massaged the bridge of his nose with a grimace.

"He had my permission," Kakashi ventured.

"I know," Tsunade said. "You're the escapee."

Kakashi grinned sheepishly. "Maa, since I've escaped into the warm and wonderful arms of Iruka-sensei, you can't object to me staying where it's warm and safe, can you?"

"Actually, I can," Tsunade said.

Kakashi's smile faded.

"Gai had no authority to remove you from the hospital," Tsunade said.

"I don't care," Kakashi said. "I asked him to."

"And Gai-san asked me to take care of him," Iruka said. "I already promised. Are you going to make me break a promise to a fellow ninja, Godaime-sama?"

"Kakashi is going back to the hospital," Tsunade said flatly.

Kakashi wrapped his arms around Iruka's neck and clung. "No!" He buried his face against Iruka's shoulder. "Ruka, don't let her take me."

Iruka had been going to bow to Tsunade's wishes – with a heavy heart – but not now. He wrapped his arms around Kakashi protectively. "There are things better treated in the home, Godaime-sama."

"Chakra exhaustion is not one of them," Tsunade said.

Iruka stared her down. "No, but this is."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

"Kakashi is suffering from more than chakra exhaustion," Iruka said, trying to spell it out for her without saying anything that would reveal the topic of discussion to Kakashi.

"Yes," Kakashi added, still hiding against Iruka. "I'm the victim of meanness."

"Meanness," Tsunade said blankly.

"The nurses are mean to me!"

Iruka gave her his most serious look.

"Kakashi, brat, that's one of your most frequent excuses," Tsunade said. "I don't believe it, Sandaime didn't believe it – I am not going to admit your release from the hospital on the grounds of some unquantified 'meanness'. That's ridiculous. Our medical staff is highly trained to take care of you, and they do a good job."

"No," Kakashi wailed. "Ruka, don't let her."

Iruka was alarmed, and as a result, extremely frustrated with the situation. 'You're upsetting him,' he mouthed at Tsunade.

Tsunade's eyebrows shot up.

Iruka started rubbing Kakashi's back.

"Don't wanna go."

"I know," Iruka murmured. "You're not going. Everything is going to be okay."

"Iruka, you can't make these kinds of decisions," Tsunade objected. "Kakashi has a terrible track record of not staying in bed and going back to work too early."

"Then I'll watch him!" Iruka snapped.

"You have classes to teach," Tsunade retorted.

"Then I – I put in my sick leave." Iruka was bewildered at himself. "And my vacation time!"

"You can't –"

Shizune stopped her. "Godaime-sama," Shizune whispered fiercely, shaking her head. Iruka caught some of what she said into Tsunade's ear. "He can…at any time…legally obligated…"

"Bullshit!" Tsunade yelled.

Shizune blushed furiously. "If you want to break the law, then go ahead! But I'm going to report you to the council for denying someone's saved up leave for no reason other than you're already angry and you didn't get enough sleep last night."

Tsunade pouted and crossed her arms, looking remarkably like a sulky Jiraiya for a split second. Iruka blinked, and the resemblance was gone. "Fine. Take your sick leave. I don't care. But at the end of your –"

"Two months and three days," Shizune said.

Tsunade scowled even more furiously. "Two months and three days, if you're not at work on the dot, I'm going to fire you."

Iruka nodded, because he couldn't bow with Kakashi clinging to him. "Thank you, Godaime-sama. I am glad that cooler heads have prevailed. Two months should be enough time for Kakashi to make a full recovery. I will supervise him every step of the way, so that he does not overstep his boundaries and strain himself."

"I'll want you to give me weekly reports about his progress," Tsunade said.

"I will," Iruka said.

Kakashi dared to look up from Iruka's shoulder. Tsunade didn't comment. He stared at Tsunade in amazement. Slowly, he unwound his arms from Iruka's neck, shifting his clinging to Iruka's right arm.

"Go home," Tsunade said.

"Yes, Godaime-sama." Iruka bowed the best he could with Kakashi clinging to his arm.

"At least you had the sense to sort this out on the weekend," Tsunade muttered.

Iruka figured that was as close to acceptance as he was going to get from her. He turned his attention to Kakashi. "Come on. Let's go," he said softly. He slipped his free arm around Kakashi's waist and led Kakashi from the office, shielding Kakashi against him.

Izumo and Kotetsu looked at him incredulously as he exited, but he didn't have time to explain. Nor did he want to around Kakashi.

"Is that all?" Kakashi asked. He still sounded anxious.

"Everything's okay now," Iruka said.

"She seemed mad," Kakashi said. "Was she mad?"

"Yes, she was," Iruka said. "But she's not mad now. She got over it."

"Are you sure?"

Iruka felt a stab of pain in his chest. "Yes, I'm sure. She's okay, now. And even if she weren't, I would protect you."

Kakashi quivered.

"Let me teleport us back home," Iruka said.

"Okay."

Iruka made the hand seals and took Kakashi away with him, disappearing in a flash of wind and leaves. He internally apologized to the janitor for the mess. He knew someone would have to sweep up the leaves he'd left behind. He'd never perfected his teleportation jutsu past the level of moderate effectiveness.

They arrived in his living room after a heartbeat of emptiness and weightlessness.

Kakashi pulled him down onto the couch immediately and climbed into his lap, pulling the covers around them. "That was scary. Do I get extra snuggles because of this? Because I want snuggles."

Iruka was disconcerted. Then he recalled the way Naruto always wanted more ramen, even when he knew for a fact Naruto was full, the way some younger students clung to his hand after he patted them on the shoulder.

He wrapped his arms around Kakashi and rocked the man gently. "Of course, extra snuggles. Who could endure that without extra snuggles?"

"That's what I thought," Kakashi said. He sounded alarmingly close to crying.

Iruka stroked his hair.

"Is Tsunade going to come back?" Kakashi asked, burying his face against the crook of Iruka's neck. Kakashi's mask tickled. "What if she changes her mind?"

"Then I'm going to beat her up," Iruka said firmly.

Kakashi laughed. "You can't do that. She's stronger than you. She could kill you if she wanted."

"She wouldn't do that," Iruka said.

"No, because you're too useful," Kakashi said. "But she would hurt you, though."

Iruka continued rocking Kakashi. Why can't anyone but me see that Kakashi is wounded? Honestly, Tsunade seemed to think Kakashi was joking. What kind of a person jokes about things like that? He was terrified of her. "She's not going to hurt me, either."

"How come?" Kakashi asked. "I don't think she likes you, now. People don't like it when someone gets close to me. People don't like Gai, either. They say it's because he has big eyebrows and likes green, but I think those are just excuses. It's really because he likes me. Those other things don't make sense."

Iruka didn't know what to say to that. It was true that most of the reasons he'd heard people state for disliking Gai were shallow, but he'd never thought of them as excuses. Does Kakashi have a point?

Kakashi shifted against him. "You don't think I'm bad luck, do you?"

"Why would I think that?" Iruka asked, running his fingers through Kakashi's hair.

"Because I make people die," Kakashi said.

"We all make people die," Iruka said wryly. "It's our job."

"I make people I love die," Kakashi said. "I can't figure out how I'm doing it, but it happens. You don't think it's because of bad luck, do you? I don't believe in that. Other people do…but I think it must be something I'm doing to make it happen."

What horrible, macabre thoughts. Iruka didn't think it was necessarily a good sign that he was getting used to the horrifying nature of some of the things Kakashi said. "Like what?" Iruka asked.

"I don't know," Kakashi said.

"Who died?" Iruka asked reasonably.

"Obito," Kakashi said. "Sensei. Rin. They all died. And they were my team. They're not supposed to die." He let out a sigh. "They died because of me. I was the bad one."

"Kakashi…when people die, it's not your fault," Iruka said. "Not even when you kill them on purpose. The fault lies with the person who hired you. There isn't any blood on your hands personally because either it was something you didn't intend, or it was your job. It's not the same as being a murderer." He had to believe that, they all had to believe that, or else none of them would do what they did.

"What if Gai dies?" Kakashi asked.

"Then it's not your fault," Iruka said gently.

Kakashi finally relaxed against him. "Okay, Ruka-sensei."

Iruka wished Tsunade could see this. If she could, then she'd understand why he'd been so adamant in keeping Kakashi with him.

"What if you die?" Kakashi said finally, asking the question in a tiny voice.

"I'm not going to die," Iruka said. He hugged Kakashi, shielding Kakashi physically from these thoughts. "You already ordered me not to. I'm not going to disobey a direct order, Kashi-chan."

"Okay." Kakashi fell asleep, virtually passing out.

Iruka wrapped Kakashi up in covers and cradled Kakashi in his arms, stroking Kakashi's hair. What has been done to you? And how can I undo it?

He vowed then and there that no matter how long it took him, he would.