'Naruto' and 'Naruto Shippuden' are the property of Masashi Kishimoto and TV Tokyo.
MAD
(Mutually Assured Destruction)
Chapter 3: Fall Out
...
Sakura
...
Mai darts between the gravestones trying to find him. I can't help but smile at my mother chasing after her, red in the face and shouting about respect for the dead. Eventually we all catch each other. Subdued and harmless the bees gently rise from the flowers. Empty peace finds me when we stop. Mum takes Mai by the hand as I come down to my knees in front of his stone.
"Hey dad..." I greet.
Dad died three years ago, sudden and unfair. He had a stroke, a blood clot that made it to his brain. I remember mum calling me and then being rushed to the hospital. He held on until I got there, squeezed my hand and then he was gone. He had been waiting. Just to see me one last time. The O-bon Festival was never really that important to me. In fact I selfishly disliked the forced family reunions. I didn't properly honour it as a time to remember those past.
"Are you sure?" my mother repeats. I appreciate how many chances she has given me to back out. We could turn around any moment and it would be easier if we did.
"I'm sure."
I walk towards Sasuke's door with careful steps to avoid creasing my yukata. I have unsure feelings about his midnight visit last week but I am sure about the pain of losing someone. Sasuke needs his family in times like this. He needs his daughter.
I knock a couple of times before he answers. He sums me up in tired disbelief. With tousled hair and half-lidded eyes he clearly just woke up.
"What are you doing here?" he finally demands. I don't let his dark, throaty voice throw me.
"Do you want to come with us?"
He knows what I'm asking about but his face still mars in confusion. It's not until Mai waves that he seems to snap out of it.
He folds his arms arrogantly, "I suppose you want me to drive you."
I bristle because I'm not just using him for his car and of course he would take it that way. I'm not even sure if I'm trying to be nice. I'm just doing what's right. "We have train tickets-"
"We're driving," he says bossily and I had forgotten how controlling he could be. Is that supposed to be a 'yes, I'll come?' He slams the door to get changed and I am already biting the inside of my cheek in fury.
He is going to make me regret this.
The tension only increases when we get to the festival. When mum spots one of her old friends the divide begins. Both Sasuke and I want to be with Mai so a subtle war begins for her full attention.
"Look at the stars Mai!"
"What colour are the lanterns?"
"Oh look!" I say triumphantly when I spot one of the stalls. "There are fish in that pond."
"Where?" she says eagerly and we are a meter from the koi before I hear the call.
"Do you want shaved ice Mai?"
"Shaved ice!" she replied gleefully and in a flash is walking with Sasuke to a brightly coloured cart. I sulk, leaning against the wooden arch of a noodle stand. Why didn't I think of shaved ice? I look back to the entrance gate absently. Naruto, Sasuke and I used to come to this local festival every year. The walls of lanterns, dancers and pounding drums beat a memorable tempo throughout our childhood. The familiarity is not comforting when you are alone. I feel like I could get lost in the crowd of people and a part of me wants to.
I jolt when my leg is tugged and look down to see Mai. She is balancing two cups carefully and holds one out to me. "Here."
What on earth?
"Where's your father?" I ask, only taking the treat because it gives a dangerous wobble. Did he honestly get this for me?
"He said stay with you."
"Oh..."
My shaved ice melts away as I enjoy the festival with my daughter. Sasuke is nowhere to be seen.
Watching the wonderful bon odori dancers and hearing the cheers is lightening the mood of the spectators. I am not immune it's shaping up to be a beautiful night despite all the earlier drama. Mai is having a ball and I grin as a five year old girl holds her hand to dance. It's a sweet sight seeing them together and I hang back from the group to keep an eye on her.
My view is ruined however when I notice Sasuke skulking in the crowd. When our eyes meet his brow pinches in disapproval before turning back. We will have nothing to do with each other.
But I'm not the only one who has spotted him.
"Daddy!" Mai calls and jumps up and down impatiently for his attention. "Daddy!"
He stops but his reluctance has nothing to do with Mai. Hands in pockets he approaches like a prowling wolf.
"Look at me!"
Mai starts to copy the routine, her new friend following suit. Even Sasuke can't resist a small smile, side stepping me to lean against the railing and watch.
"See mummy!"
Oh no.
"Mummy?"
"Yes Mai I see you," I shout back but she is unsatisfied, craning her head around to find me. I don't want to get closer to Sasuke but really have no choice. With a sigh I walk into the shadow of stall. "Right here."
"Oh!" she says happily before waving at us both. "This is fun." Her bun has fallen out, hair a complete mess. I have half a mind to tell her to leave under the pretence of fixing it. I glance at Sasuke.
But like she said, she's having fun...
"Enjoying the festival?"
My attempt at small talk is shot down with a withering stare. I grind my teeth irritably. Yes, how dare I imply that he is capable of enjoying anything. How stupid of me.
When he rolls his eyes I have the urge to punch him right in his disagreeable face. Why is he so... ugh! We don't understand each other in the slightest. How did we even manage to get married? I tried not to fidget under his uneasy gaze. His childhood could never allow any weakness and I have lost count of all the battles we've held with our eyes alone. I used to crumble quickly but not anymore. I'll not turn away and let him think he's intimidated me.
"I was going to leave with her," he said coolly. "We would have been gone by the time you got to the apartment."
That made me look away. Shocked, the joyous sounds of the festival became jarring to the gravity of his words. They wounded me deeply, mercilessly.
"Why are you telling me this?" I asked shakily.
A painful silence stretched between us. The same one that had suffocated our marriage until the only semblance we had of ourselves was bore of fuming anger. I couldn't stand it.
"Why didn't you?" I finally whispered.
For once he considered me without malice, searching my expression.
"You had the perfect opportunity. What stopped you?"
Sasuke stops for no one and the second an opportunity presents itself he takes it.
After a long pause he shook his head. "She needs both of us. That day I couldn't help but think how I would feel if you took her away from me. I... I'd die."
I closed my eyes and let it all sink in. I would have died too. The honesty between us was so foreign it took a while for my reply to set in. "I don't ever plan on doing that. Even when we get divorced... even if I get full custody... we will work something out. A daughter needs her father so no matter our dislike for each other... you will always be part of her life."
I had been unfair in keeping this from him but it was always my intent. I would never shut him out of Mai's life completely. It would only hurt her. Sasuke was the one closing his eyes now. He opened his mouth to reply-
"There you are-" we were interrupted loudly. My mother's expression was close to horror as she looked between us. "All of you..."
I understand her completely. If I'd been told I would end up willingly talking to Sasuke (in a civilised manner at that!)I'd have laughed hysterically at the joke.
She folded her arms. "Who's hungry?"
"You know I can't stand dried Octopus."
"Do I?" Sasuke replied nonchalantly.
My mother pushed the rice around on her dish. "Well its half eatable."
"We wouldn't want you to starve now would we?"
I only half listened to them bickering, still caught up in the conversation at the dance. I pressed my hands against my mother's rough picnic blanket, trying to distract myself in the blossom detail. I wish they would float the lanterns already so I could embrace a proper distraction.
"Here," my mother huffed. "I'll get my own meal."
"Didn't your mother ever teach you not to look a gift horse in the mouth?"
"Didn't your mother ever teach you common decency and respect?"
"She did teach me to respect my elders but that doesn't include fossils like you."
That was the final straw my mother rounding on him with killer intent. Luckily they had started to float the lanterns and Mai stood between them innocently to get a better look. It diffused the situation... for now.
"Aren't they pretty?" I said to Mai who nodded in wonder. She lay back on Sasuke's lap, eyes wide in appreciation. The water looked carbon-black against the night and I found myself focusing on it's depths.
"Sakura."
I turned to Sasuke to see him gently brush Mai's straight black hair to the side; watching her in quiet phenomenon. He's hopelessly enamoured, trapped in an adoration he's held since she was just a tiny spec on an ultrasound.
"Thank you."
Under the pretense of ignoring him I got up and made for the water. I stopped halfway when a cool breeze blew, chilling my face. Damn him. A 'thank you' always meant a lot more than an 'I love you' ever could. Sasuke believes he has little in his life to be grateful about but today I gave him something. The same way I gave him Mai. It is too the same esteem.
How can he still have this effect on me?
I was so angry when a tear rolled down my face regardless of everything.
...
Sasuke
...
My phone rang out just as I pull the car up to the curb. I sighed, already knowing who it was. The step monster got out with a curt 'about time', unbuckling my sleeping daughter and cradling her to the house. That ungrateful woman. Next time she can walk home with that attitude.
To my surprise Sakura stuck around. I gave her a side look. Was she blind? This is her house.
She bit her lip. "Sasuke there's something I've been meaning to ask you..."
She was clearly struggling to talk, her strained silence irritating me. I didn't hesitate to answer my phone when it rang again.
"Who's that?" Sakura said quickly and I ignored her, focusing on the caller.
"Orochimaru," I greeted.
Before Orochimaru could reply an obnoxious 'of course!' cut him off. Paired with slamming the car door Sakura stormed into the garden. She's angry and as usual for no reason. She drives me insane.
"Is that my lovely Sakura?" Orochimaru called gleefully. I narrowed my eyes at him mentioning her name and became angry myself.
"What do you want?"
"Now, now don't shout at me. You're the one who's late for work."
"It's my night off."
"Oh I'm sorry," he said, voice dripping in sarcasm. "I'll just tell our full capacity club they won't be served because it's my lazy business partner's night off."
Things must have really kicked off. "Be there in 20." I grumbled, hanging up.
I'm almost at the bar before a large group of girls spot me. They are as persistent as radar and impossible to sneak past. One grabs me and I lament that the female species has no concept of 'personal space'.
"Sasuke!" she shouts happily over the pounding 'music'.
"Me," I reply before finally making it to the bar. The relief on Orochimaru and Kabuto's face was clear. He wasn't lying. The place is packed with a long line outside promising more. Good money, I remind myself and a solid investment.
That same girl and her friends are intent on being my first customers, crowding my area. I go over to them reluctantly, taking my sweet time to set up.
"You look so hot tonight!" is bellowed in my ear when I lean in for her order. I utter the phrase that has made my entire career in reply.
"You need another drink."
I should have stuck to crushing cars I thought ruefully as I mopped up the floors. Who knew buying into this club would be as much of a hassle as it turned out. The plan was to turnover quickly for profit. I forwent university so that Sakura wouldn't have to. Look where that got me.
"You missed a spot."
It was past closing time. Orochimaru is usually long gone by has clearly stuck around to torture me.
"This stick, your eyeball." I threaten, brandishing the end of the mop at him.
"You always were violent."
"Juvenile detention will do that to you," I retort crisply. Truthfully the orphanage really turned me. Couldn't trust anyone. Especially the caregivers.
He sighs. "That's behind you now."
I raise an eyebrow at his encouragement. He takes that as an invitation to stretch it further. "You did well tonight."
I pause and stare at him for a moment to process. Finally I decide to scowl, jam my earphones in and order him to 'get lost.'
Orochimaru is the closest thing I have to a living father figure. How depressing.
The sun is beginning to rise when I get my keys in the door. My house is like a cracked egg, an empty shell. Despite this I still walk across the floor quietly after removing my shoes. I sat down on the floor cross-legged and only corrected the position when I started to feel like a little boy.
Staring at the altar before me I spun the lighter mechanically over in my fingers. It's the only thing I have left of my father, a stainless steel Zippo with a lifetime guarantee. It's more reliable than he ever was. Finally deciding I have procrastinated enough I shoved a cigarette in my mouth.
I first smoked at 7. I took my dad's unfinished cigarette from the ashtray right in front of him. I can still remember the apathetic expression on his face as he simply lit himself another, saying nothing. I only stopped because when my mother found out it made her cry. I stared at her photo, frowning.
I don't like thinking about my mother because she was perfect. All the memories I have of her are sugar-coated kindness and deluded benevolence. I lost her when she was the center of my world. So in many ways... she isn't real to me. It hurts look at Mai sometimes. She stole her face and worked her way to my heart with the same entitled thievery. I settle on the second photo and immediately shrink back.
Everything about black cherry cigarettes is disgusting. The smell, the taste and even the colour of the paper is vile. I only have them because they were my brothers favourite. I only smoke them because this sickly sweet, bitter smell is him. It's my childhood spent hanging on his every action, word and thought. Happy days spent colouring in the dinosaurs he drew me, sharing the late night snacks he made and walking out to him shaking his clothes on the porch as he tried hopelessly to hide the scent of smoke.
I'm older than he will ever be. I have the life he was denied. Still I feel so inferior to him, so undeserving. I light a second cigarette before placing it down on the altar, watching wisps spiral into the air.
"Hey Big Brother..."
MetaMirage: Hi everyone, hope I got the O-Bon festival (Obon, Bon) setting at least part way accurate and please let me know if otherwise.