'Naruto' and 'Naruto Shippuden' are the property of Misashi Kishimoto and TV Tokyo.
MAD
(Mutually Assured Destruction)
Chapter 4: Reinforcement
...
Sakura
...
Medical journals are piled knee high; my laptop askew and the crisp silence of the library pure sanctuary. I tend to over-compensate at the literature review stage, editing my greatest nemesis. I stretch in my chair and spare a glance at the empty booths across from me. I love university. It doesn't matter if I'm in the sterile labs or the almost devout calmness of the library; they both have become second, equally wonderful homes.
I frown when my phone vibrates. Most of my friends don't wake early and my mother is not savvy enough to text. If something had gone wrong with Mai she would have called. Despite that I am still filled with dread as I watch the name flash across the screen.
"Hello Lee."
I was surprised at how shy I sounded. Seeing Lee always transported me back to the crowded halls of my high school where some days I seized to exist. It's hard to shake that feeling, even in front of the boy that had always seen me. I felt dwarfed in the empty stadium, inconsequential.
"Hello Sakura-San!"
Even at this hour he is overbearingly energetic. I guess as an assistant coach he'd have to be. He smiles brightly at me before bowing respectfully. I shake away the formality repeating "we're friends" for the umpteenth time. I begin to wonder why he's back in town when he straightens up. He's more tanned than I remember making his teeth seem whiter.
"I heard you and Sasuke are over," he said with genuine concern. "Are you okay?"
Of course he'd be that considerate, coming all the way here just to check on me. Embarrassed, I dismiss his question so quickly I'm sure it's rude. "I'm fine."
It would be a lie to say I didn't owe Lee anything. Lee is special to me. So special that when Sasuke suspected I was cheating he went straight to Lee. It's probably why Lee is really here, to find out if the rumours are true.
"I'm not proud of myself," I brace him. "Sasuke and I were unhappy for a while but what I did was unforgivable."
There. I can feel a lump forming in my throat. I never wanted to fall in Lee's eyes and here I am in a thousand ugly pieces.
His careful choosing of words hurt. "Nothing is unforgivable Sakura. You're not the type of person to act without reason."
Immediately my eyes stung. Nobody, not my mother, Naruto or even Sasuke came to that conclusion. Not one of them could fathom my perspective as anything other than guilty. I imagine the vast seats of the stadium filled with invisible people passing judgement on me. It pulled tight across my chest to know Lee would never be one of them.
"Please," I try to stop my voice from cracking, "Can we leave it at that."
"You don't have to keep apologising Ino."
"But I do!" she replies earnestly. "It's my fault. I should have been watching her."
Ino was still cut up about Sasuke taking Mai from under her nose. So much so she has put herself in a self-imposed exile. Of course I've forgiven her.
"Mai, tell Aunty Ino to stop being ridiculous."
I hand over the phone and Mai clumsily lifts it to her ear. I took her free hand as we walked to Sai's studio. I was hoping he'd be free for lunch seeming Ino was busy. I had to get the conversation with Lee off my chest.
"Hello?" Mai asked.
I could hear "Mai-Chan!" bellowed as Mai chatted away happily. She loved Ino and I didn't want Sasuke of all people to ruin that. I cast a hazardous look at a glossy blue paint spill before determining it was dry. Sai may have kept his apartment immaculate but his studio was inhabited by his messy alter ego. I already had a game plan to keep Mai away from the oil paints this visit.
Knocking on the door we said our goodbyes to Ino. When Sai opened the door he gave very little recognition, no sign he was pleased to see us. It wasn't off putting to me after a lifetime with Sasuke. In fact I could tell he was a little off even.
"Lunch?"
It seems Sai was upset. He tore open sugar satchels with such disregard he attracted the disapproving eye of every waitress. Soon he was making a bad impression upon Mai by tracing his fingers into the pile of white crystals to draw. I kept my problems on hold to console his.
"I don't get it. You're either one way or the other," he said sullenly. "He's both."
"I believe the word you are looking for is bisexual."
Naruto and Sai were having trouble. More specifically Sai was feeling threatened by Naruto 'checking out girls' and the fact Naruto had never had a proper boyfriend before him. The way Sai explained it he was paranoid of everyone when they went to parties. He had things out of proportion however. Naruto may be reckless but he was careful about his heart and loyal to a fault.
"I don't understand..." He gave a deep sigh and Mai began to tug on his collar for help. I gave Mai some more sauce and watched her dip her food out the corner of my eye. "Do you love him?"
He looked at me. "Yes."
"Does he love you?"
There was a pause. "He says he does."
"Then what else is there to understand?"
I only knew I had gotten through to him when he stopped his saccharine masterpiece. Despite my reassurance I didn't believe my own words. Love hadn't saved Sasuke and I. Love conquers nothing, especially time. I had to trust Naruto and Sai were different on a deeper level, that or pretend.
"Thanks Sakura."
Naruto took one look at our booth before heading in the other direction. It shocked me momentarily to realise he was actually ignoring me. That my inkling was correct wounded me but I ask Sai to watch Mai and chase after him. He made it to the street before I caught him.
"Naruto!" I called. He was forced to stop and turn. He looked at his watch as if in a hurry.
"Sakura!" he said in a b-grade performance of surprise. "Hey sorry I've got to-"
"Avoid me?"
He looks as guilty as the time he got caught putting flour in the air-conditioning vents in high school. He used the same tactic he had then: denial. "What? I'm not avoiding you."
"You're a terrible liar."
I had meant it in the fondest sense, a reminder that since we were children he hadn't been able to hide anything from me. He didn't take it that way with a lightning reply that was so unlike him. "And you're a brilliant one."
Well that's narrowed it down I thought bitterly. He stopped keeping contact with me around the time Sasuke began telling people I had cheated on him. In fact he'd only called me when Sasuke had asked to borrow money from him. That was our last conversation.
"I'm sorry," he struggled to continue. "I just..."
And suddenly I was facing something devastating in the presence of Uzumaki Naruto: silence. A man that talked so much telemarketers hung up on him was lost for words. I shifted nervously as he swept his hands through his hair nervously.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he finally asked, sadness creeping into his voice. We'd always relied on each other for everything, no matter how difficult. There was a reason I'd been so afraid to tell him and it had nothing to do with my image, our friendship or even Sasuke.
"Because I don't deserve to be forgiven," I mumble.
And I let go. How much I'd hurt Sasuke. How I hated myself for making his trust issues worse. How cold our house had become. How he fell out of love with me long before any of it. How suffocated I became.
And Naruto did the thing I had feared, what I couldn't bear the most.
He pulled me into a hug and forgave me.
...
Sasuke
...
Fitting glass is incredibly boring but it pays. I'm never out of work. Nothing lasts forever. Everything shatters.
I go through the motions until home time. My house is like a mausoleum. Silence seems to layer each room, heavy and unbinding. I know my earphones only mask that but I still listen and crash out until I have to do it all over again.
When I was a child I never felt more lost than in a room full of people. That's what a club recreates. Every night I watch people flit around trying to find themselves under the vapid influence of intoxication. The dance floor is their eureka, the pulsating centre. They let themselves disappear into the deception, always.
We stay open the longest on the street so we collect the bottom feeders, the people smashed to the point of delirium, the ones that don't want to go home. It bothers the rest of the staff. Honestly I take no issue. When 'home' never meant much you relate.
"It says you're still open!"
That bothers me though. I can hear the moron from the bar. He must see people packing up, the door about to be locked down and know the tired stutter club beat is dead.
"Oi I want a drink!"
I glare into the bottom of the glass I'm cleaning. Clearly the bouncers have failed miserably. The call for last drinks was 15 minutes ago and I am not serving him. I check the pain of a customer in the mirror as he approaches.
And everything stops.
"Oi did you hear me!"
His cocky face is sneering at me, teeth bared and eyes gloating. Nothing changed from before. He's giving me that same smug face. The same self-entitled bastard as before. I've start shaking in anticipation, my body coursing with unhinged fury, the pin being pulled from a grenade.
When I turn his recognition is fear alone. He backs up but not quick enough. I lunge over the counter, pin him to the floor and punch his conceited face in. I can hear the screaming around me, feel people trying to drag me off but I keep landing hits in a perpetual déjà vu. My hands are wet with blood, satisfied with the crack of bone.
"I'll kill you," I promise, squeezing my hands around his neck. "You're dead."
"It took five people to hold him back."
"What the fuck happened?"
"He just went for the customer unprovoked."
"Now we're going to have the cops crawling all over us!"
I can hear Kabuto and Orochimaru talking among themselves and I don't care. I want to get back out there to finish what I started. I twist the knob of the locked door, banking on sheer force to get it open. Unfortunately the noise drew unwanted attention.
"You," Orocimaru pointed at me dangerously. "Sit."
Defiantly I remained standing. "Let me out."
He snarls, normally neat hair frazzled. "Two options: you sit in that chair or I put you in one permanently."
He calmed when I fell under his order and sat. I only did it to lull him into a false sense of security. It would make swiping the key from him easier. I was much more coherent now. That man was not allowed to walk on the same earth as me. Only I could deal out his punishment.
I was surprised when Orochimaru addressed me instead of returning to hushed conspiracies with Kabuto. "I don't understand why you attacked him. What did he do?"
It escaped in raw anger. "Fucked my wife."
Immediately I regretted it. It was none of their business but my head was spinning so bad it was mind rotting. I shove a cigarette in my mouth, trying to let consequence catch me. I was going to be arrested. Custody of my daughter would be hopeless. That's the only thing I regret.
Orochimaru was staring at me like an equation he couldn't add up. "Is that all?"
I gripped the arms of the chair so tightly my nails pierced the leather. I took slow deliberate drags to stay grounded. Never had I wanted to hit him so badly. 'That's all'? That ruined my life.
"You risk our business for that?" he pressed. Of course he couldn't understand. He was heartless. Worse than me even. Kabuto leaned over for his usual explanation.
"He still has feelings for his wife," he offered. I stood up fiercely knocking over the chair. Any further from the mark and he'd be in a neighbouring solar system.
"You don't know what you are talking about."
"The opposite of love isn't hate Sasuke," he said coolly. "It's indifference." He pointed to my knuckles, the skin red and bloody. "That's a lot of pain you've put yourself through for someone you don't care about."
Again everything stopped. Before I could reply Orochimaru broke in. "Enough. This is what is happening. We saw him try to attack Sasuke. It was self-defence. You'll have a room full of eye witnesses."
I digest the information before shaking my head at the absurdity. "Why would you lie for me?"
His smirk has always been wide. "Because I have a feeling things are going to change around here."
It all clicked. "You're blackmailing me."
Kabuto was gloating too as Ocochimaru took me by the shoulders. I felt like I was being coached before a boxing match. "We will bury this Zaku Abumi. Understand."
The mere mention of his name made me picture 6 feet under.
After all the chaos, the holding cell, questioning with police and the unsightly shift in power between Orochimaru and my partnership, one strange thing stuck out. The conversation with Kabuto kept playing over in my head. It kept my restless sleep occupied.
I hated Sakura. Wanting to put the guy she traded down for in hospital was more about pride. I wasn't fighting for her. I just wanted that Zaku prick to suffer.
Still, I wasn't indifferent to Sakura. I had been when we were children. Now, even after everything, I hadn't unravelled all feeling. I imagined killing that too, rubbing my thumbs roughly over my knuckles in blistering pain.
Then I heard a loud, authoritarian knock on my door. It's dryly official and over. The police are here to make another inquiry. Somebody's story didn't hold up and I'm about to be arrested for assault. They say we have two primal reactions: fight or flight. Feeling neither made me think I had a death wish. I just walked to the door with the same composure I would to greet anyone else. I'd take that attitude with the reaper.
Death did meet me at the door. A perverse ghost wrinkled with age, greyed and scared with foreign experiences of impossibility. His eyes were as blank as the celluloid, nose as uncompromisingly straight as I remembered. I questioned my consciousness. Rattling off drunk, high, delirious- Reality was breaking away, bleeding into my suffering.
"Sasuke," he spoke with the disciplinary voice that had closed me like a box. It was undoubtable then but I still squeezed my eyes shut in disbelief.
"Father?"