I'M SO SORRY! I'm very sorry about the very, very long time it took me to update. I'll try my hardest to update chapters in less time, I just had a really bad writer's block and been uninspired to write. Forgive me.

Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead.

Diary of the Dead Days

Part 2: Hershel's Farm

Chapter Fifteen
Suicide

Hershel had worked diligently to make up for his absence. Not only was he able to help Beth recover from her shock but also managed to patch up the stranger, Randall, before the next morning. Depression still glazed Beth's eyes, but now she was eating and drinking instead of laying in bed staring at the ceiling. I wanted to give her words of encouragement, that everything was going to be alright, but I felt awkward since we never really talked. So I stayed outside and watched the kids while Lori and Carol prepared Beth's lunch. I waved off Shane and Rick as they left the farm with Randall, blindfolded and tied up in the trunk. They were going to drive him eighteen miles away from our camp, leaving him with supplies and a weapon. I wasn't sure how I felt about the Randall situation, but my mind was too preoccupied to worry about the stranger's fate.

Andrea was on guard duty on top of the RV while Dale and T-Dog sat at the picnic table, talking about the days before. I looked around the clearing for Glenn, but I couldn't find him. He was probably talking to Maggie, apologizing for what had happened. Their relationship eluded me, one moment they were having sex during a supply run and not talking to each other the next. It was hard to tell whether they were serious or not. But I guess it would be hard going steady with the world being like it is. Though, relationships were the last of my worries since Aaron was now accepted into our group. Walkers were predictable, Aaron wasn't. He was impossible to read and I was unsure of what he was planning, if he was planning anything at all.

Rose and Carl were trying to think of what game to play; I immediately shot down the idea of playing hide and seek. So they finally decided on tag, they offered to let me play, but I shook my head only wanting to watch. Ripley attempted to play with the children, he raced between them his tail wagging with excitement. However, I didn't realize that they dubbed me as base. Rose and Carl suddenly latched onto my arms as Sophia began to chase them.

"Hey! That's not fair." I cried out, trying to pull away from my sister and Carl, but they held on tightly. I only ended up dragging them.

"Yeah, you can't stay on base forever!" Sophia complained, "Base has a ten second rule."

"Come on, Carl, let's run!" Rose dashed away and Carl quickly followed. Sophia was right on their heels but couldn't quite catch them.

Both Rose and Carl took a u-turn, heading back towards my location. Carl managed to race past me, leaving Rose in the dust to be capture by Sophia. Sophia was inches away from tagging Rose, so my sister leaped towards me. With Rose charging at me, I didn't have enough time to dodge before both girls crashed into me and knocking me to the ground. I yelped in surprise by the sudden force and Ripley was quickly there to bathe us all in dog kisses.

"I tagged you before you got to base." Sophia bragged. Rose was about to argue, but instead let her friend win and agreed it was her turn to be the chaser.

"I think something else should be base." My face was hot with embarrassment as I heard everyone laughing. T-Dog was cackling the most while Andrea was giggling from up top the RV.

"You okay?" Dale called out, humor lingering in his voice.

I pulled myself off the ground, wiping the dust off my clothes and nodding towards Dale before walking off. They decided to change the base for their game to the RV. I couldn't help but smile at them, I didn't really care that they knocked me over or I got laughed at, I was glad both of the girls were safe and back to their normal selves. I leaned against my van, and watched them continue to play. The sounds of footsteps caught my attention, and I turned to see Daryl approaching me. Ever since his injury, we hadn't talked much, and I was starting to feel anxious and slightly nervous as he stood beside me. Like I was flustered and didn't know what to say. I normally felt this way around people because I was naturally shy, but this felt different.

"Get your bow, I think it's 'bout time you start practicin' again." Daryl grinned, leaning against the van as well.

"I have to watch the kids." The truth was, I didn't feel safe letting Rose or the dog out of my sight, not with Aaron roaming around the farm. I hadn't seen him since breakfast. The others said he was helping Jimmy with chores, and I wasn't sure when he'd be back.

"T-Dog and Dale can watch 'em, they ain't doing anything." He said.

"I rather watch them." Daryl shot me a glare, not understanding why I was avoiding his help. I really wanted to continue training with my compact bow, but I just couldn't leave my sister unattended. My gaze was focused on the children playing tag, but Daryl didn't seemed satisfied with my answer.

"The hell's going on with you?" He crossed his arms, standing in front of me and blocking my view of the kids.

"Nothing." I muttered under my breath, finding it hard to look him in the eye. I bit my lip, hoping if I ignored him long enough that he would eventually go away, but Daryl Dixon wasn't that easy to get rid of. He grabbed my arm, jerking me away from my van and leading me near his tent, which he still kept distant from the rest of the camp.

"What's going on?" Daryl snarled, losing his patience.

I looked over his shoulder, trying to keep Rose in my line of sight. I noticed Aaron appearing from the stables, he had finished helping Jimmy and was heading towards camp. He joined T-Dog and Dale at the picnic table, glancing towards the children playing and towards Daryl's tent. Our eyes met for a split second, but then he turned his attention to Dale, who was engaging him in conversation. Probably talking about the old days, asking what Aaron was doing before all this happened. Which was something I was curious about myself.

"It's him. I don't trust him." I swallowed the lump forming in my throat, "I rather not leave Rose or Ripley alone with Aaron."

"Why?" Daryl gazed at the others, and then looked back at me, "Ain't he your family?"

"Just because he's related to me, doesn't mean I trust him."

I was trying my best to avoid talking any further about the subject, not wanting to reveal how Aaron acted in the past. Reminiscing about those long ago memories were painful, and I felt shame as well. How I was easily bullied and couldn't stand up for myself, letting Aaron hit me and not even telling my parents.

"Hey, Rose, get Ripley, we're goin' somewhere." Daryl called out to my sister, motioning his hands towards us. Rose stopped her game with her friends, looking at Daryl with a questioning gaze, "Bring Sophia and Carl too. We gonna learn survival skills."

I felt the pressure, Daryl and all the children's eyes on me as I ready my compact bow. I gulped, pulling back my string and remembering the words Rick told me. You can only hold your concentration for seven seconds. Carl had heard a noise and when we investigated it, there was two walkers stuck in the thick marsh of the swamp near the farm. The walkers started moving, trying to escape the mud when we approached but the swamp had a good hold them. However, it was only a matter of time until they would eventually pull themselves out.

"This is the perfect target practice." Daryl told me, tossing me an arrow and pointing towards the walkers, "Shoot 'em."

I held my breath. Once I found the tip of my arrow lining up with the center of the walker's forehead, I released my string and watched as the arrow swirled through the air. It hadn't hit the forehead, but the arrow shot through the walker's eye and it then dropped to the ground, splashing in the mud. Rose let out a squeal of enthusiasm as did Sophia. Carl didn't act as impressed, but I saw a slight smile. I held in my excitement, making it seem like I was aiming for the eye all along. I turned to Daryl, looking for praise.

"Next one." I frowned, I was expecting a "good job" or "you're getting better". Everyone's attention was on me once more as I readied another shot. Taking my aim for the eyes this time, I hoped to impress Daryl with my improvement. The next shot somehow managed to land square in the walker's eye even with my added fear of missing, it landed dead next to the other. The children clapped, squealing in excitement at my success.

"I want to use the bow!" Rose grinned, and Sophia nodded her head in agreement.

"I don't think you can pull it back." I laughed halfheartedly. I handed the compact bow to the two girls, the drawstring had too much weight for them to pull it back.

"I can do it." Carl smirked, taking the weapon and trying it himself. His attempts were a little better than the girls, but he couldn't fully pull the drawstring all the way back. Embarrassment was clearly present on his face as he returned the bow to my hands as he muttered that guns were cooler.

Ripley sniffed the bodies as I ripped the arrows from their skulls. I gagged a bit as one of the walker's eyes was stuck on the tip. Daryl and Carl laughed at my attempts to slide the eye off using the other arrow, while mostly Rose and Sophia stuck their tongues out in disgust. As I tried to clean the arrows in the muddy stream, Daryl started giving the children a beginner's lesson in tracking. Showing them how our trail made a distinct path in the leaves. He was surprising better with kids than I ever expected. Maybe he had kids of his own? I shook the idea away from my mind, hoping something like that wasn't true. If it were, it'd mean they met a gruesome fate. Plus it was an odd thought of Daryl being with someone, he didn't seem much like a ladies man or at least I didn't imagine him as such. Thankfully my thoughts were interrupted by Ripley shaking a layer of water from his fur, the canine decided to bathe in the muddy liquid.

"Now you'll need a bath." I scowled at the dog as I patted his head.

Once we returned from our short training session with the kids, Lori immediately put me on guard duty for Beth. The depression from watching her family being slaughtered in front of her had been too much. Even though they were already dead, she still felt like they could be helped. Beth was contemplating suicide. I protested at first, not wanting to be responsible to try and stopping someone from killing themselves. I had no idea how to comfort her or what to say to her, but Lori and Maggie told me just to watch. I didn't have to say anything and if Beth tried anything, I was to yell for help. Daryl offered to watch Rose and Ripley while I did my guard duty, also he would keep an eye on Aaron. He didn't question my reasons for being suspicious of my cousin, though I'm sure he would expect an explanation sooner or later.

"Why does it matter?" Beth muttered, "There's no hope in this world anymore."

There wasn't any hostility in her words towards me, but I could tell she didn't want me to be there. I sat in the chair across from the bed Beth was sitting up in. I stared at my boots that were caked in mud from the swamp, not speaking to Beth. I'm sure I would be scolded by Lori later for the mess I probably tracked through the house. The weather was thankfully getting cooler, but it wasn't fully fall yet. However, it felt suffocatingly hot in the room, probably because of how uncomfortable I was.

"Have you ever thought about suicide?" Beth had been rambling for sometime, mostly complaining about my presence and talking about her family, but then her question caught my attention. My eyes widened as I gazed up from my boots and looked her.

Her eyes were glazed with sorrow and depression was written all over her face, even tear stains on her cheeks. Beth looked pitiful, like she had been waiting for death but it refused to come to her. I hadn't spoken to her much since she was mainly Patricia shadow, but I thought back to the dinner we had and how she smiled politely to me. It was like she was a completely different person.

"Have you ever thought about it?" She repeated her question, noticing how well she caught my attention. I started biting my bottom lip, my hands that were interlaced started shaking.

"Yes. I did." I swallowed the lump in my throat.

Beth was clearly not expecting me to say yes, her jaw dropped slightly and her expressionless eyes shown sympathy. She hesitated before she spoke, "Can you tell me about it, please?"

I had almost forgot that the Greene family knew almost nothing about me, they weren't connected to me like that Atlanta group was. From when we met at the quarry to the short time we spent at the CDC as well as visiting my old home and everyone learning the secret I was keeping from my sister. Beth's question brought back my feelings from the time my parents asked me to join them in suicide. My heart was beginning to ache, and I kept biting my lip so I wouldn't start crying. I breathed deeply before I started my story.

"It was before I left home and found the survivor group I was with now." It was hard to keep my voice from cracking, my gaze returned to my boots, "I wanted to find a shelter,but my parents didn't want to leave the farm. Every time I told them we should leave, they kept avoiding my suggestions. And then they finally told me. They wanted to go meet God, and they wanted me and Rose to go with them."

"You thought about it?" Beth was now more careful with her words, she wasn't venting anymore.

"I really did, it was hard. I kept thinking about those horrible creatures, and how I saw so many people dying on the news, being ripped apart. I didn't want to die like that." I sighed in an attempt to calm my nerves, "But then I thought about my sister, she's only ten. How could I ask a ten year old to kill herself? Then I started panicking, I realized I didn't want to die either. It just would have been easier if I did. I begged my parents not to do it, but their minds were made. So Rose and I left them behind."

"Are you mad at them?" She inquired.

"A little, but I've forgiven them." Our conversation was cut short as someone lightly knocked on the door and Maggie entered the room.

"Lily, you can go now. I'd like to talk to my sister for a little bit." Maggie looked as if she had been crying too. I felt bad for her, knowing exactly how it feels to have someone wanting to end it, but you don't want them to go.

"Yeah, sure." I muttered, smiling at both of them before hurrying out of the room.

I returned to my sister and Ripley outside. I heard arguing from the kitchen, sounded like Andrea and Lori bickering. I didn't pay much attention, not wanting to be dragged into the argument, but I somewhat knew what it was about. Lori was probably complaining about Andrea not doing much around camp, like she argued to me a couple of times. Rose was playing with the other children while Ripley was laying by Daryl's feet as he sat in one of the lawn chairs, glancing at the children every now and then as well as fiddling with his knife. I couldn't spot Aaron, but I assumed he went with T-Dog to help out with things.

"Done with chores?" Daryl teased, sharpening the hunting knife in his hand.

"Rick and Shane aren't back?" I asked, searching the area for the two policemen.

"Nope."

I nodded, heading towards my van. I wasn't sure how long they've been gone, but it was always unnerving when someone leaves camp. We're never sure if they'll return or not, and it was even more unsettling since the others went to town searching for Hershel and found a more larger group than ours. The other group could be a threat, especially since we have one of their members. Though I doubt they cared too much for him, since they left him for dead. I wasn't sure how I felt about dropping Randall off to fend for himself, it was almost scary how I could care less about the fate of this stranger. A small part of me felt slightly sorry for him, but the rest of me was numb to thought of people I didn't know dying.

I searched for my dark, gray jacket in the trunk since the afternoon breeze started to make me cold. Aaron was returning with T-Dog, the two had gathered water from the clean well on the other side of the farm. I heard Aaron offering to take Dale's shift for guarding the camp, but he had politely declined saying he could handle it. I couldn't tell if Dale didn't trust the newcomer with a gun or if he was just being nice.

"Hey, Lily." I barely noticed Daryl approaching with Ripley on his heels. It was surprising that Ripley was warming up to him quickly, the canine at first seemed to tolerate him but now was befriending him.

"Yeah?" I asked, slipping my arms into the sleeves of the jacket.

"So when you gonna tell me about this Aaron guy?" He crossed his arm, being straightforward as usual, "Everyone else seems to like him, and you didn't look like you had a problem with him."

"I don't really like talking or even thinking about it." I muttered, adverting my eyes to the ground. I then quickly scanned around the camp suddenly feeling uncomfortable talking about such a subject in the open, "I'll tell you later, I promise."

I'll try to update soon, please review and thank you for reading!