Chapter 8 – A Mind Assault

DISCLAIMER: We (unfortunately) do not own Star Wars. :P

"I won't leave you," Obi-Wan repeats as though saying them again will make Vader believe them.

He throws the lightsaber across the room, uncaring for where it lands. He can get it later if he needs it. They saw as the Sith spirit broke him mentally. Seeing those memories again hurt deeply in a way he can't even explain. For years they tormented him, and he can't make sense of anything going on. He's filled with the need to hurt someone. He doesn't need to use his lightsaber to do it.

"You will wish you had," he spits out, lunging forwards and tackling Obi-Wan to the ground. He uses his legs to pin the older man to the floor as his hands come up to press against Obi-Wan's temples, making the mental attack easier. Vader pushes against his former master's shields, ruthlessly slamming into them, trying to force them to cave in under his assault.

Obi-Wan struggles to keep him out, but eventually gives in, letting Vader enter into his mind. He senses more than hears Ahsoka telling him to stop in the background, but he pays her no heed. She should be grateful he's not doing this to her. He gathers in the Dark Side, flooding Obi-Wan's mind to intentionally dredge up the most painful memory. He assumes it will be when Qui-Gon or Satine died, though he doesn't really care which. He just wants to make him hurt for everything he's done.

Instead, he finds himself being pulled to an all-too-familiar planet. Mustafar. Oh, Force. No. No. Not this. Now that they're here, he can't pull himself out. Only Obi-Wan can do that but judging from the shock on Obi-Wan's face, he doubts that will be happening. He turns away, unwilling to watch the scene play out, though he can't block out the words, thoughts, and emotions nearly as well.

"Don't try it," he hears Obi-Wan beg. Please, Anakin, for once in your life listen to me. I don't want to do this. He can feel the desperation coloring the thoughts, and he probably would have felt it with the Force if he hadn't been so consumed by the Dark Side.

He flinches, knowing what happens next. He can almost feel the bite of the lightsaber as it cut through his legs and left arm. There's a flood of pain, dwarfing any other emotions Obi-Wan might have been feeling. "You were the Chosen One! It was said you would destroy the Sith, not join them. Bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness." Vader clenches his jaw. Those words have been branded into his mind. On some nights – the tormented ones – he's heard them repeatedly in his nightmares, mind refusing to give him any rest.

Anakin, why? Why did this have to happen? What did I do wrong? Why didn't you trust me and tell me the truth? I would have done anything to help you if you had only asked. The pain and heartbreak are almost strong enough to be felt physically. "I hate you!" his own voice screams at Obi-Wan as he turns to walk away.

He feels no anger in his former master's mind at the words, only a sense of profound aching loss. Obi-Wan did love him. His mind makes it obvious, the emotion echoing in his words. "You were my brother, Anakin! I loved you!" Vader can feel Obi-Wan's hurt, his belief that Anakin was speaking the truth, when, in reality, it was out of desperation. It's almost laughable – it would be if not for the tragedy of the entire situation.

He flinches hearing his own screams as his body starts on fire. He can feel Obi-Wan's horror and shock, his desire to help which he quells, reminding himself that Anakin hadn't wanted his help. The last emotions are resignation mixed with guilt and grief as the memory begins to fade.

It takes a moment for Vader to reorient himself when he emerges from the memory. He hardly registers the tears on his former master's face. That wasn't what he'd expected to see, and it made him sick, confusing him even more about everything. He scrambles away from Obi-Wan, moving away until his back hits the bed and sinks to the floor shaking. He hasn't had a chance to straighten out his thoughts yet, and they feel even more muddled now than before.

Why does everything have to be such a mess? Why does it have to be so confusing? Why can't anything be simple for once? Drawing up his knees, he rests his forehead against them, hiding his face from the room. It hurts so much. He shouldn't let it, but he did, and there's no going back now. He's not a Sith – he hasn't been for a while. Sith don't get depressed or suicidal. They just don't.

He blinks, a few tears escaping and tracing paths down his face. He wants it all to be over. It was supposed to end in his paradise, but it didn't, and now everything is falling apart all around him. "Anakin." Obi-Wan's voice is quiet and very gentle as his hand touches Vader's shoulder. He instinctively flinches away from it. It – he doesn't deserve to have any comfort from Obi-Wan, not after what he did to him.

Instead of leaving, Obi-Wan shifts so he's sitting next to him, carefully slipping an arm around his shoulders. All resistance vanishes at the comfort being freely offered. He needs it, even if he shouldn't. If Vader was in his right mind, he'd refuse, but he reacts without even thinking. He shifts, turning and burying his face against Obi-Wan's shoulder, his right hand fisting in his former master's tunic as he pulls him closer. Ahsoka moves closer wrapping her arms around him on the other side.

It's all too much for him to handle mentally – why are they acting like this when they should hate him for what he did? – and he completely falls apart in their arms. Sobs rack his body, as the mental and emotional torment he's endured for the past many – days? Weeks? Months? Years? – comes pouring out.

Eventually, the tears stop flowing, but he doesn't move away from either of them, unwilling to break the fragile peace of the moment. He can't even remember the last time he's been touched by another person, and certainly not this intimately. He probably would have stayed there longer if he didn't start having difficulty breathing. He should have expected it would happen, but that doesn't stop the flare of irritation.

Turning, he flicks his hand, pushing the button on the wall to summon his medical droid. Vader hears it whir to life in the next room as he shifts his position, wiping his face on his sleeve. A numbness grips him; he feels apathetic towards everything right now. He inhales slowly, forcing himself not to panic when his lungs don't cooperate properly. It always happens when he suffers from emotional distress unless he's in his suit or has an oxygen mask on.

The droid rolls into the room, scanning him up and down. He stubbornly refuses to look at either Obi-Wan or Ahsoka, even when Ahsoka wipes away her tears and moves so she's leaning against his shoulder. Obi-Wan keeps his arm around him, making no effort to hide his tears. Vader has rarely seen him cry before, and he'd probably care if he didn't feel so drained.

He suspects the medical droid knows what he needs, because it rolls up to him and places an oxygen mask over his face. "You need to take better care of yourself," it scolds as it continues to run a scan.

Vader huffs out a tired, mirthless laugh, letting his head fall back against the bed. "Why not just inject me with a poison and be done with it?" he mutters.

"That goes against my programming," it informs him, "You need a nutritional IV. Should I administer it now?" He nods wordlessly, relaxing slightly as the oxygen filters into his lungs. The medical droid pulls up the sleeve on his right arm, sticking a needle into his upper arm and letting the nutrients flow into his body. He much prefers eating real food, but he hasn't done so for several weeks now, so his stomach will need to readjust.

He catches sight of Obi-Wan's stricken expression, though his former master doesn't say anything. More than likely, he's blaming himself for everything. It's technically his fault, but Vader can't find it within himself to condemn Obi-Wan at the moment. He can't help but wonder why he should even keep trying to live. He's no better than a cripple now – he wouldn't be able to survive without access to advanced medical equipment.

"Don't give up," whispers Obi-Wan, as though he's reading his mind. His former master opens their bond flooding it with love and warmth. Vader doesn't think that will be enough. Death has never been so alluring, and he craves it now – an escape from his miserable, depressing life.

"What do I have left to fight for?" he asks bluntly, refraining from meeting Obi-Wan's gaze. He doesn't want to see the pain and sadness in his eyes.

"Your children." The response is immediate. "Ahsoka. Me. A chance to destroy Sidious if that's what you want." The arm around him tightens imperceptibly as though holding onto him will make him stay there.

"Don't you want to destroy Sidious?" Ahsoka questions, peering at him, though he doesn't meet her eyes.

Does he? The anger, the burning drive for revenge, it's gone. His eyes aimlessly wander across the opposite wall as the silence drags out. He's tired of fighting, of everything. No, he doesn't really want to fight Sidious, but what if he doesn't? If he doesn't, is there not a chance that his children will end up in the hands of the Sith? Yes. Sidious is probably seeking out a new apprentice, if he doesn't already have one, and one Skywalker, trained from youth, is exactly what he would want. No. He cannot let that happen. Until Sidious is defeated, he has to live.