Chapter 9 – The Will to Live

DISCLAIMER: We (unfortunately) do not own Star Wars. :P

Author's Note: When Obi-Wan and Ahsoka come to a conclusion to help Vaderkin... :P

~ Amina Gila

"My wants…" Vader lets his voice trail off and shakes his head. He doesn't plan to answer Ahsoka, but he can sense her waiting for him to reply. "They are unrealistic," he finishes stiffly, not even flinching as the medical droid withdraws the needle. He's used to the pain.

"They still matter," Ahsoka reminds him softly.

"They do not," he insists, a hint of coldness in his voice as he turns his attention to the droid. "Prepare the bacta tank." In a couple hours, the pain throughout his body should be reduced to a more manageable level.

Though he loathes to admit it, he does feel slightly better – maybe, in part, because he's picked a cause to fight for – but he dislikes the new sense of vulnerability that comes with it. He's not really a Sith, at least not anymore, but he's still a Dark Side user. That hasn't changed and likely won't. Obi-Wan and Ahsoka are Jedi compared to him, and he doesn't know if they're willing to accept his allegiance. He doesn't stay there to find out.

Vader stands up, ignoring the pain shooting through his body. It's been a constant since Mustafar, and he's come to accept it. "This changes nothing," he warns lowly, facing his back to them. He doesn't give either of them a chance to reply. "I will be indisposed for a couple hours," he continues, "Unless there is a matter of life-and-death, do not disturb me." Without hesitating, he calls his lightsaber to his hand, setting it down on a worktable near the doorway.

He again doesn't wait for anything, not even their acknowledgement through the Force, instead striding from the room. He has shown them enough weakness for one day. It would be better if it doesn't happen again. It's not like his paradise world where he instinctively knew neither of them would leave, but then again, he wasn't exactly the same sort of monster there that he is here.

Part of him suspects that they need the break as much as he does. He's under no delusions that they came out of their own free will. No, they were sent here, and while he's in the bacta tank, they will contact that person to decide their next moves. It would be preferable to speak to them when they actually have a plan for the future. For now, it doesn't matter.

**w**

"He's fighting again," Ahsoka speaks softly after at least ten minutes of silence. Neither her nor Obi-Wan have moved from the floor. "I could feel it. We won't need to worry about him giving up." She could never adequately express verbally how shaken she was to see him like that.

"Yes, but he has a long way to go," Obi-Wan agrees quietly, eyes still fixed on the doorway. "He will deny it, but he still needs us."

"I know. What I don't know is how we can get him to accept our help." She gives Obi-Wan a helpless look. He knew Anakin better than she did. He should have a better idea.

"He won't." Obi-Wan shakes his head slightly. "We have to force it at him like we did now."

"That's confusing," she mumbles, fishing out a commlink and holding it up. "We should call Bail and update him. We need to decide what to do next. Anakin can't stay here."

"Bail may be willing to let him go to Alderaan in which case he may be able to procure doctors who can give Anakin better healing," Obi-Wan muses, a hint of hope entering his gaze. "I imagine that Sidious didn't really care how much pain he was in."

"It's appalling that he would treat him like that," she grumbles as she comms Bail. Whatever she might have said next is cut off when Bail answers the call.

"Master Kenobi, Ahsoka," he acknowledges them, "How is the mission?"

"The situation is more complex than we initially expected," Obi-Wan reports, "I don't feel comfortable giving you the details, but Master Yoda was wrong when he said that Anakin was gone. We need to take him somewhere, and I was wondering if you would mind if we brought him to Alderaan."

"Without the Empire finding out," Ahsoka adds. "Sidious should think him dead."

"You seem convinced that Vader isn't a threat. How certain are you?" Bail questions. Ahsoka can feel his skepticism, and she doesn't blame him. For years, Vader has been the right hand of the Emperor, ruthlessly crushing all opponents. She wouldn't believe it herself if he hasn't completely broken down less than twenty minutes ago.

"I would stake my life on it," she declares with certainty.

"As would I," Obi-Wan states firmly.

Bail seems to be taking the news remarkably well. "If he'll help us destroy the Empire, then he is welcome on Alderaan," he says after a moment of hesitation, "But what about… the Princess?"

Ahsoka throws Obi-Wan a confused look which he ignores. The Jedi Master silently strokes his beard, a pensive expression on his face. "We will tell her the truth," he replies finally. "Anakin knows about them, and he will want to meet them. Telling him was the only way to bring him back to us. I know what I'm doing, Bail, so please trust me on this."

"Will he want to take her?" Bail queries quietly.

"You know it would be his right," Obi-Wan reminds him.

"Will someone tell me what is going on?" demands Ahsoka. She feels like she's missing a big part of the picture. What are they talking about? Who are they talking about?

"Princess Leia is Padme's daughter," Bail explains. She stares at him in shock. Oh. Oh. If they go to Alderaan, Anakin will meet his daughter. Actually, that sounds like a wonderful idea. Knowing her will bring him even closer back to them.

"He needs to meet her," she decides, "I feel like it's important."

Obi-Wan gives her a sideways look, and she can't help but wonder if he feels the same way she does. They'll never get Anakin back exactly the way he used to be, but that's fine, because they aren't the same either. The Empire has changed and hardened them so much. They don't need to be the same. They need to be together. They need to be family again.

"I concur," he finally says, and Ahsoka wonders if he's referring to her thoughts or her words.

"Very well. I will arrange everything so you can arrive as unobtrusively as possible, and Breha and I will speak with Leia." Despite the potential loss of his adopted daughter, Bail is remarkably composed and willing to help.

"And there is something else," Obi-Wan interjects before Bail can end the call. "We need a skilled physician for – for Anakin. I don't know the extent of his injuries but as a result of – our duel, he suffered extensive injuries, and I do not believe they were properly healed."

"What?" whispers Ahsoka, looking at him in horror. "He's been suffering from them for ten years?" She knows the second she asks that the answer is in the positive. Yes, of course he has been. Sidious wouldn't want to heal him, thereby making him the more powerful.

"You saw his memory," Obi-Wan reminds her, "You saw what Sidious did to him and his condition after the duel. The – he doesn't seem to have changed much since."

She winces at the thought of suffering such agonizing pain for so long. How did he do it? "I will get a physician," Bail interrupts their conversation as gracefully as he can. "Everything will be ready for your arrival."

"Thank you, Bail. I know I'm asking a lot from you." Obi-Wan's tone reflects his gratitude.

With a nod, Bail disconnects the call, leaving them to sit in silence. "I can't believe he's been in that condition for ten years," Ahsoka breathes finally, drawing up her knees and staring down at the floor. Tears prick her eyes, and she swallows past the lump in her throat. Anakin never deserved any of this. It's not fair to him or anyone.

"I am deeply sorry for my role in it," Obi-Wan admits. She can sense more in his words. There's something else buried just below the surface. Resentment. Against himself for what he did.

"Stop blaming yourself," she grumbles, glaring at him. "That doesn't change what happened. You did what you thought was necessary at the time. You had no way of knowing the truth. At least this way the Force is giving you – us – a chance to make amends. We could have met him as an enemy on the battlefield."

He dips his head in a nod, quietly accepting her words. Before she can say anything else, Obi-Wan changes the topic. "He said it would be a couple hours before he came out of the bacta tank. Perhaps we can meditate for a while. When he comes out, I can tell him the decision we have reached. I don't imagine he'll object to it."

Meditation sounds wonderful right now, not to mention necessary if she has any expectations of sorting out her conflicting emotions anytime in the near future. "Sounds fine to me." With those words, she settles down into a meditative position, preparing to spend the next couple hours immersed in the Force.