Chapter 10 – Defecting

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When Vader finally emerges from the bacta tank a couple hours later, he feels moderately better. Normally, he might spend longer inside, but he's certain that Obi-Wan and Ahsoka won't want to linger here for that long. Being in the tank gave him some quality time to reflect on everything which has recently transpired, and he's not exactly pleased with how it turned out. It would have been best to remain in his paradise, but he can acknowledge that it was a decision born out of desperation and longing.

He's supposed to be better than emotions like that. He's a Sith after all, at least he was supposed to be. Perhaps if he hadn't indulged himself, he wouldn't be wanting things he can never have. He hides his surprise when Obi-Wan enters the room. The Jedi doesn't even flinch when seeing his injuries, but Vader still resents that he can see them. "Is there something you want, Kenobi?" he demands sharply, "Other than maybe seeing the damage you caused me."

That does get a reaction, and for a moment, he sees a flicker of pain on Obi-Wan's face. That only makes him feel guilty. He shoves the foreign emotion aside, focusing instead on fixing his robes and covering the damage to his body. "What do you want?" he asks again, softening his tone somewhat.

"We have talked it over and decided that you can come with us to Alderaan," the Jedi Master finally replies. Vader notes that he doesn't specify who the "we" is, but he doesn't care to pressure. "There will be a physician who can look at your injuries there," he adds hesitantly.

He crosses his arms, regarding Obi-Wan distantly, feeling very aware how his every emotion is visible. The only thing he ever liked about his armor is that it hides his face. "That would be acceptable," he concedes finally. He has little desire to make small talk with him – or anyone – so he moves towards the doorway to the outside room where his armor is.

Obi-Wan blocks him, stepping in front of him and cautiously moving towards him. Vader stops, eyes narrowed. What is the Jedi up to now? "I feel responsible for what happened to you," he says quietly, "And I can use the Force to help heal you if you want." He steps closer, reaching out to rest a hand on Vader's shoulder. His fearlessness is to be admired, but it's foolish.

Vader steps back, unwilling to indulge in the comfort. There's probably a catch somewhere if he accepts the gesture, and he'd rather not find out what it is. He's suffered enough pain already. "If that is what you desire, then I would be open to the possibility," he answers slowly, carefully trying to gauge Obi-Wan's reaction. Maybe the man cared for him a long time ago, but he is not Anakin Skywalker – at least not the version Obi-Wan remembers.

Genuine relief appears in Obi-Wan's eyes, but it's still mixed with something like sadness. "Anakin, you –"

"I am not Anakin," Vader interrupts stiffly, turning away from Obi-Wan.

"Would you rather I use the name Sidious gave you after destroying your life?" There's no malice in the words. Rather, he senses a hint of compassion and understanding. He can't answer that. Saying yes is –

He cuts off the thought, resisting an aggravated sigh. Obi-Wan intentionally worded the question like that, probably to make him rethink which name he claims as his own. Well, he doesn't want to think about it. Anakin's brother, a voice whispers in the back of his mind, Anakin's sister. You can't claim them. If you're Vader, then you can't trust them either, because they'll hate you for taking Anakin away from them.

It may be true, but that's something else he has to think about later. For years he's been Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, right hand of the Emperor. He's not had any other life. Even if he doesn't want it anymore, he's not ready to reclaim the name Skywalker. It wasn't always the name of a Jedi, but it was the name of a good person. He's not a good person. He's a monster.

Vader doesn't answer the question, pushing past Obi-Wan and into the outer room. He moves towards his armor, silently and methodically putting it on with the assistance of the droid he always uses. Ahsoka is standing near the exit, but she doesn't say anything, so he ignores her. Part of him can hardly believe that he's doing this – defecting from the Empire – but he hates Sidious. Even if it's the last thing he does, he will destroy him.

He stares steadfastly at the wall as the helmet is lowered in place, sealing to the lower part of the suit. The sound of mechanical breathing fills the room as Vader adjusts his cape before turning and sweeping towards the bedroom and workshop area. His lightsaber is laying where he left it, and he clips it to his belt as he passes, stopping in front of the display cabinet lined with the lightsabers of the Jedi he killed. There were times when looking at it brought him pride or shame alternately. Now, there is neither.

Opening it with the Force, he pulls one of them to his left hand, fingers closing around the smooth metal as the case closes and seals once more. This lightsaber. It was the one he gave Ahsoka before she left for Mandalore. He kept it all these years – a reminder of his presumably fallen apprentice. She's still alive, and perhaps he will return it to her. For now, he wants it for what it is: a reminder of a time which has passed, a connection to an era which is gone.

He shakes the thought away, tucking it out of sight before scanning the room. His gaze falls on the Sith relic, still alluring. Now, at least, he knows what the price is. It was foolish of him to think he could do it without paying. It's no matter. The relic must be destroyed. It will bring him a great deal of pleasure to destroy the Sith spirit's connection to the physical realm. He levitates it to his hand before turning to go.

"Before we leave, I am going to the control room," his voice rumbles through the vocoder. He hated how it sounded for a while, but he's used to it now. On the outside, he knows he makes a very imposing figure, but on the inside – he doesn't know. It's not worth dwelling over. He moves swiftly to the exit, pushing the button to open the first door and waits for it to close before opening the second. He doubts he'll ever come back, and he has to eliminate all traces of Obi-Wan and Ahsoka. Sidious cannot learn they were here.

"We can try Force healing while we're in hyperspace," Obi-Wan ventures quietly while they wait in the lift.

Vader makes a noncommittal sound. "Perhaps." He has to admit – if only to himself – that he wants the chance to be more human, to be able to live without a life-support suit. Besides, it will give him a significant advantage over Sidious in battle.

They follow him wordlessly to the control room, waiting while he punches in codes, completely erasing all security history for the past twenty-four hours. He has no idea when they arrived, and he won't take any chances. After programming the security droids to allow Obi-Wan and Ahsoka access – because who knows if they'll have to return? – he leaves the room, pausing outside as he looks between them.

"Where is the shuttle?"

"It's hidden outside the castle," Ahsoka answers. He doesn't sense any fear from her, but both of them seem to be unusually subdued. Perhaps they do understand that he isn't the person they remember, but their attitude seems a bit off. They're not treating him with uncertainty so much as caution. He's a Sith; they don't need to act like he'll break if they touch him. He's not fragile.

"Bring it to the landing pad," he orders, "I will not be traipsing through whatever route you used to break into my castle." He stops in front of the hanger bay, entering the code and watching as the doors slide open.

"I'm on it," Ahsoka replies, a note of feigned cheer in her voice as she darts across the floor of the hanger bay, quickly exiting to the outside. Who knows how long she'll be gone? Please let Obi-Wan not decide it's a good time to talk. He has no interest in talking, especially not when he's hardly had a chance to sort through his conflicting emotions.

Is there really anything for him to sort through? He already knows that – Force, this is so hard to admit – that somewhere in his broken heart, he still cares about them, even if he shouldn't. Let them say what they will, but love can change. They both left him, abandoned him, and he can't let himself trust them again easily. Maybe there's another way. Perhaps he doesn't need to trust them. They'll be fighting on the same side. They'll be allies. Obviously, that calls for a certain measure of trust, but he doesn't need to entrust them with his – his thoughts, because who is he kidding? He won't stop caring about them any time in the near future.

"Anakin –" Vader sighs quietly but doesn't object to the name. This time. "Do you have a plan?"

"When do I not have a plan?" he bites back rhetorically before deciding that he really doesn't want to argue about it. "Yes, I have a plan. Whatever it takes, I will destroy Sidious." He pauses, considering. And what then? He's living to destroy Sidious. After that, nothing matters anymore. "I want you to promise me something when it's over," he continues quietly.

"What?" Whether there was something in his tone which betrayed the thought, he doesn't know, but Obi-Wan seems wary, hesitant almost.

"I want you to kill me. Please." The words are simple. The implications are not.