Chapter 11 – Decisions Unmade

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Obi-Wan jerks back as through he's been struck. "I – I –" he shakes his head, "Anakin, I can't." There's so much emotion in his words – pain, sorrow, fear. "If I was capable of such a thing, I would have done it already, if only to spare you from the agony."

Vader looks down at the relic in his palm. It would have been so easy, and if not for the Sith spirit, he wouldn't be here right now. If Obi-Wan can't help him, there will be other ways. "A pity," he replies, tone never losing its mechanical neutrality, "For it would have been most convenient had you agreed."

"Your children," Obi-Wan reminds him, a hint of desperation in his voice. "Would you really do that to them? Is it not enough that they – have lost one parent?"

"They should not know me," he answers simply, because really, it should be obvious. "I am a monster and certainly unworthy of caring for them."

"Don't say things that like," his former master demands, moving closer and laying a hand on Vader's upper arm. He considers pulling away again but decides not to. It shouldn't matter. He can hardly feel the contact through his armor. Obi-Wan's gaze unerringly meets his, even though the lenses of the helmet. "You've done terrible things, true, but that doesn't mean you can't come back. You don't have to end your life."

"It would be justice," he argues, crossing his arms.

"Perhaps the galaxy would see it as such," Obi-Wan allows, "But there are others who wouldn't. No matter what happens, everyone won't be happy." He pauses, and Vader can sense a probe through their bond. "Your daughter is on Alderaan. She's going to meet you."

"What?" It's the most logical thing he can think of to say. He hadn't counted on that. He'd never thought he might actually meet them. He'd wanted to see them, but the realization that they might come to know him never actually dawned on him.

"Leia was adopted by Bail Organa," Obi-Wan patiently explains. "She'll be there when we arrive."

"And if I do not wish her to see me?" he queries.

"I have my doubts that she will accept such a proposition," Obi-Wan replies dryly. "She seems to be very much like you in temperament."

Somehow, the hand has become comforting, but Vader steps back, glancing down at the relic in his hand. He distantly realizes that it's taking Ahsoka a long time to return, but he's not exactly surprised. He doubts the shuttle had been landed nearby. Obi-Wan may be right – it wouldn't be the first time – but he doesn't want to continue living knowing how badly he messed everything up. It's simply too painful. Death is, by far, the best choice, but he has plenty of time to plan it. They won't be confronting Sidious any time within the next few weeks.

He clenches his fingers around the relic, striding resolutely across the hanger towards the outside. He stands there, a hot breeze blowing his cape as he uses the Force to throw the relic into a lava river a distance away. It disappears into the lava, and a flicker in the Dark Side tells him that it's been completely destroyed in the heat. The Sith spirit's dark presence disappears as it loses its hold.

The humming of a ship engine approaching breaks through his silent contemplations, and he turns, moving back to the hanger where Obi-Wan is waiting. His former master gives him a small, strained smile. It's meant as silent approval of his actions. The shuttle lands twenty feet away from them, and the ramp lowers. "Let's get out of here," Ahsoka yells from inside the ship, "This place is creepy."

Creepy isn't the word he would use, but he can understand the sentiment. Mustafar holds nothing but painful memories for him, and he has little desire to remain here any longer. He doesn't need to ask to know that Obi-Wan agrees. They board the shuttle, closing the ramp as Ahsoka flies away, up into the atmosphere. This chapter of his life is over, and a new one is about to begin.

**w**

They've been in hyperspace for nearly an hour when Ahsoka joins him in the main hold. She sits down on a seat a short distance away without speaking, but there's a thoughtful look on her face as she studies him. He's used to people looking at him with fear or awe or even respect, but her expression is totally different, and he doesn't know how much he likes it.

"Is something amiss?" he finally demands, crossing his arms.

She shakes her head. "I was just thinking," she murmurs. She glances at him as though she expects him to say something, but he doesn't. Finally, she sighs lightly, a wistful look on her face. "I thought you were dead," she admits. "I mourned you for years, and now it seems so surreal that you're here. I know everything is different and the situation is – is complex, but I'm still happy."

Vader narrows his eyes. "Is there a purpose to your rambling?"

She actually looks surprised at the question and seems completely speechless for a moment. It doesn't take her long to recover. "I want you to know that I'm happy you're here," she declares with certainty.

"That is rather inconsequential," he retorts. "Your feelings do not matter to me." It's a lie, and they both know it. They do matter. They matter too much, perhaps. They always have. He's always cared about what other people feel, especially if, like Obi-Wan, they never showed it.

A look of something – possibly hurt – flickers across her face, but it's overshadowed by determination. "You don't truly believe that," Ahsoka insists.

He doesn't contradict her, and that's as close to a confession as he'll get. As much as he wishes she would remain silent, he knows her too well. Her confidence will have boosted from her minor victory, and she'll be talking even more than before.

Sure enough, not even a minute later, Ahsoka opens her mouth again. "I've met Leia a couple times, but I never would have guessed she's your daughter. She's so much like –"

"Do not utter her name," Vader hisses, cutting Ahsoka off mid-syllable.

"– Like her mother," she finishes, raising an eyemarking at him without calling him out on the interruption. "You two will get along splendidly, I think."

"Can you not cease your pointless chatter for even a moment?" he demands in irritation.

"I remember you talking way more than me." Somehow, she has the audacity to grin at him.

"Since you have failed to notice, I am not Anakin Skywalker," Vader snarls, pointing a finger at her. "Do not continue to try my patience."

Ahsoka seems on the verge of making a smart comment, but then thinks better of it, firmly clamping her jaw closed. As she continues to study him, he sees a hint of sorrow in her eyes. He doesn't need to use the Force to know that she regrets how everything has changed, but he's tired of being what other people expect. He'll find a way to defeat Sidious, with or without their help. It would be so much easier if he could escape this life support suit, but he doesn't think it's even possible. Sidious had assured him of as much and knowing how wrecked his body is, he believes it. It would take a miracle to heal him.

As they sit there in silence, his mind drifts to what Ahsoka had said about knowing his daughter. He wants to know more. He wants to ask questions about them. What are they like? What do they enjoy? Are they more like him or Padme? All things he should know but doesn't. He should have been there to raise them. He wasn't, and he only has himself to blame. He can accept that now, hard though it may be.

Will his children hate him? Did they grow up considering him an enemy? Do they even know him at all? He's – he's afraid to meet them. Even if he deserves it, he doesn't think he could handle their rejection of him. It's still too soon after everything, and his emotions are far too raw to allow him to go through anything more.

He doesn't have a chance to linger in his mind, because Obi-Wan chooses that moment to enter the main hold. His eyes dart from Vader to Ahsoka as he presumably tries to get a feel for the current atmosphere. No one speaks, even as he moves towards them.

"Would you like me to put you into a healing trance?" Obi-Wan questions gently. Vader inclines his head in silent consent. "Then come with me to one of the cabins," his former master suggests. "It will be far easier if you're laying down."

Vader chooses to remain silent, showing his acquiescence as he rises, striding towards the single cabin on the small shuttle. He doubts the bunk will be large enough to accommodate him, but it probably doesn't matter. He's not doing this for comfort anyways. Obi-Wan waits patiently as Vader lays down and stares up at the ceiling. He senses more then feels Obi-Wan's hand hovering over his forehead as the Light Side rushes through him, pulling him down into a healing trance. It feels strange – such peacefulness ought not be so close to him – but he forces himself not to fight, quickly slipping away into the currents of the Force.