Chapter 17 – Remade
DISCLAIMER: We (unfortunately) do not own Star Wars. :P
Author's Note: Vader has finally begun the long healing process... and secrets are revealed. :)
~ Amina Gila
The surgery had been a success, and Ahsoka couldn't even express how relieved she was that her former master would be alright, that he could be human again. After four more long weeks, he was finally able to leave the medical wing of the palace and return to one of the guest suites, able to live as a normal person would. For now, at least, he'll be sharing a two-bedroom suite with Obi-Wan and Ahsoka. They wanted to remain near him initially in the unlikely event that something were to happen to him during the night.
Vader – Anakin actually, because without the armor, Ahsoka finds that she can no longer use his Sith name – moves slowly down the hallway. He's obviously still weak and in pain, but he's getting better, and that's what counts most. She studies him as they step through the doorway into the suite. He looks much more like the man she remembers, though his face is still pale and the scars prominent. Some hair is finally beginning to grow on his head, and she imagines in another month or so, he'll be much the same as he used to be, on the outside that is.
On the inside? That's a whole other story. She won't say he's better, but she can tentatively admit that he's improving. Maybe. Hopefully. She'll choose to remain optimistic. He's still very bitter and cynical, but with the unyielding support from herself and Obi-Wan, and the selfless love from his children, he seems less hopeless. He'll never be the same, but she doesn't care. She only wants him to be happy, whatever path he chooses.
And as for Luke and Leia… The twins have become almost inseparable, going everywhere together, and doing everything as though they're one person. Luke has been attending Leia's classes, and in turn, Leia has been coming when Anakin instructs Luke about the basics of the Force, something which Obi-Wan had somehow cajoled him into doing.
Obi-Wan greets them inside the apartment, eyes flicking worriedly over Anakin. "I am fine," he snaps, and Ahsoka still finds it jarring to hear his natural voice after all this time. It doesn't help that he's continued speaking with the same style that he used as Vader. She doesn't really know why and when he began employing so much formality, but she doesn't exactly want to ask him either. It probably wouldn't help.
He claims to be fine, but no one misses how he sinks onto the couch, striving to hide his exhaustion. Obi-Wan motions to her, and she slips into the kitchen area to prepare a cup of tea for all of them. They could use something to drink while they talk – or sit there. It's not easy to introduce Anakin back into society and normal human life, but they'll eventually manage, whether he wants them to or not.
It's hard to believe that only ten years could change someone so much. His interactions with others are often somewhat awkward, and he acts as though he's unsure how to behave. They'll fix that to, by staying with him and attempting to treat him normally, while not acting as though he's about to break.
"So," Obi-Wan states cheerfully after Ahsoka hands each of them a glass and settles down in the living room, "I was thinking that we can start working on helping you get used to fighting again next week now that you won't need a life support suit."
There's a pause. "That would be acceptable," Anakin concedes, staring down into his mug. His blue eyes are dull, and Ahsoka has noticed a faint, almost invisible sheen of yellow lurking within them. They'll have to work on that also, and the best way to do that is by making him want to live again.
"Bail has set aside a room we can use," Ahsoka adds. "The doctor is adamant that we start gradually so your new lungs can get used to the strain and so that you don't stress yourself too much when you're still recovering."
Anakin snorts mirthlessly. "Rest assured that I have endured much worse than this and still been in perfect condition to fight."
Obi-Wan's gaze is sad as he looks as his former Padawan. "But you shouldn't have to," he murmurs gently.
"We don't want you to be better so you can be a weapon, Skyguy," Ahsoka says casually, shifting in the chair. "We want you to be better because we care about you."
He doesn't respond and continues staring down, avoiding looking at either one of them. "Ahsoka gave me the lightsabers," Obi-Wan says after a few minutes, setting his empty glass down. "You can decide which one you'd prefer using." He doesn't exactly look at Anakin when he says it, and Ahsoka presumes it's because Obi-Wan has Anakin's old Jedi lightsaber.
Anakin's right hand tightens on the mug before he looks up and puts it down on the table in front of him. "Let's get it over with now then, shall we?" he asks, a hint of dark amusement in his voice, though his eyes remain mostly blank.
Obi-Wan rises. "They're in my room." He turns to leave, but then stops. "Do you want to come?"
Anakin shrugs, standing, and Ahsoka interprets that to mean that he will. Silently, she joins him, and they walk down the hallway to Obi-Wan's bedroom. The suite is fairly large, bigger than their apartments at the Temple were, and Ahsoka finds that she can appreciate the luxury here, even if she doesn't want to take advantage of Bail's generosity.
The curtains in Obi-Wan's room are partially opened, the late afternoon sun casting a warm glow throughout the area. To Ahsoka's surprise, Obi-Wan approaches a small, worn chest in the corner and opens it.
"What's in there?" Anakin sounds genuinely curious and a tad confused. "I was unaware that, as a Jedi, you would actually have possessions." And there's something else Ahsoka noticed. When he's feeling defensive, he tends to retreat behind his new speech patterns.
Obi-Wan tilts his head slightly. "Mainly clothes," he admits, "Because on Tatooine, there weren't many places for me to get more. It's not as though I had money to afford new ones all the time anyways." His voice trails off, gaze flicking to the contents of the chest. "I purchased a journal as well, to record my knowledge for the future, for Luke. And – and there were a few things I took from the Temple."
The last sentence is quiet, his expression wistful, and Ahsoka wonders just what "things" Obi-Wan brought with him from the Temple.
"What things?" Anakin questions after a few seconds of awkward silence. For the first time in a while, Ahsoka senses a spark of genuine curiosity.
Obi-Wan purses his lips and looks back into the chest. "You can come see if you must know," he tells them flatly, pulling out a stacked pile of robes and setting them on the desk followed by a book. Ahsoka steps around the bed, moving to stand on the left of her grandmaster while Anakin moves to his other side. She doesn't think she's ever seen a real paper book before. Well, she can understand why it might be easier to use than a holopad for recording information. It can't be destroyed wirelessly as easily, for one.
"Your lightsabers," Obi-Wan continues, lifting out three lightsabers. Two are the ones Anakin brought with him from Mustafar. They both stiffen when they see the third. It's the one Anakin used as Jedi. The one Obi-Wan took from him on Mustafar.
"You kept it," Anakin mumbles numbly.
"Of course," Obi-Wan answers quietly, fingers stroking the hilt. Anakin looks away for a moment as Obi-Wan sets them down. "You can take any one of them to practice with," he adds, shifting in a way that Ahsoka can only define as nervous.
"What else?" Ahsoka urges gently to break the tense quiet.
Slowly, Obi-Wan lifts out another lightsaber, and Anakin stills. "Qui-Gon's lightsaber." Anakin's voice is oddly detached, but he takes the hilt touching it with veneration. He loses his voice entirely when Obi-Wan pulls out something else.
Ahsoka finds herself blinking back tears when she sees the familiar string of silka beads. "You kept my Padawan braid?" she whispers, voice strangled.
Obi-Wan clears his throat, avoiding their gazes. "I thought you both were dead. All I would have were memories and whatever things I took with me," he explains evenly. And then, with a hint of reverence, he withdraws black, folded robes. Anakin's. Ahsoka is mildly surprised, but she's not sure what else she was expecting. It's not as though Obi-Wan had anything else of Anakin's to take with him. Well, except for some droid pieces which aren't nearly as meaningful.
Anakin sucks in a breath and takes a step back. "They're yours," Obi-Wan informs him. "You should take them whether you want to use them or not."
"I – I –" Anakin finally shakes his head wordlessly and takes a few steps back.
"I don't need them as a link to you anymore," Obi-Wan murmurs. "I have you, and that's all that matters." Ahsoka has practically stopped breathing, unwilling to break the spell in the room. She can feel, somehow, that this is extremely important.
With a shaking hand, Anakin accepts the robes from Obi-Wan, clutching them close to him. He sits down on the edge of the bed, fingering the clothing in his hands. "Why?" he asks, sounding both confused and lost. "Why did you keep them?" The unspoken words are hanging in the air. Why did Obi-Wan keep them, knowing what Anakin had done, had become?
Obi-Wan moves towards Anakin, sitting down next to him, and Ahsoka finds herself fiddling with her old Padawan braid, remembering all the memories – both good and bad – associated with it. "I kept them, because much as I hated what you did, I still loved you, Anakin."
Ahsoka can feel how overwhelmed Anakin is, but she opts to remain where she is. This is a moment between Anakin and Obi-Wan. When Obi-Wan wraps an arm around Anakin and pulls him close, she takes that as her cue to leave, laying the Padawan braid back before slipping out of the room.