Chapter Eighteen: Of Monsters and Mortification

It did not stop raining for the next week as the company pressed upward and onward through the mountains. Emelia had lost track of how many days it had been since she had seen Rivendell, which might have been a better thing than she had originally thought. She found she was able to focus on other things besides how much she missed the elven city. Like how much she hated the rain, or how ridiculously dirty she felt all the time, or how much she hated eating soggy bread for dinner every single night.

The dwarves were just as unhappy as she was, resulting in the overall short temperedness that plagued them all. They snapped, and snipped, and spat with each other more than she had ever seen them do before. They barked at Bombur because they hadn't been able to eat a proper warm meal in days. They snapped at Balin when they realized they weren't even close to making it off the side of the mountain. They shushed Fili and Kili with glares and scowls when the two brothers tried to lift the company's spirits in ways that only to two of them could.

The only person who was immune to the company's communal bad mood was Thorin.

Emelia imagined they were all too intimidated by him to even attempt to take their anger out on him. The only person who had managed to say something remotely cross towards Thorin was Dwalin, and even that had resulted in a rather heated discussion between the two in a language that Emelia had yet to figure out the name of. The rest of the company had learned soon thereafter that Thorin was practically off limits for their fowl moods and short tempers.

That didn't stop them from being short with her, and to an even greater extent, Bilbo however. It seemed like they were more than happy to snap and snipe at the two of them, making Emelia constantly feel the strong desire to hit something. The little hobbit was on the receiving end of most of the dwarves foul tempers resulting in his own less than stellar attitude as they trekked onward though the waterlogged mountains. They were rude, which wasn't so surprising, and short responded perpetually, making the entire water filled journey about as miserable as all of them could imagine.

The ground had slowly and steadily become more and more rocky, resulting in the company slipping and sliding on the stony surface.

They hadn't noticed the change in scenery at first, considering the rain had washed over their faces so thoroughly it was hard to focus on anything else, but by the time they found themselves on the side of the mountain, picking their way along the thin, rickety path, it was obvious that the mud was long gone.

Emelia found she missed the mud. When she slipped in the mud it didn't hurt her knees so bad. The rocks had cut and bruised up her knees so badly from all the times she teetered and tottered, she found it hard to walk properly half the time.

She had stumbled into Dwalin one too many times, resulting in him forcing her back to her now constant position between Fili and Kili.

"I do not understand how it can rain for so long without stopping." Kili said for what felt like the hundredth time in the past week.

Emelia felt her hands grip at her sides so tightly her knuckles went completely white. "I don't know Kili, why don't you ask again? Maybe the answer will appear out of thin air."

She felt all of the nerves in her body singing and tingling with annoyance at the dark haired dwarf. She had been doing her absolute best to be nice to him. After their little talk, she had tried more than anything to not be short with him. She had smiled at him, which pained her sometimes, and laughed at even his undeniably stupid jokes. But now that he was asking the same question again, she felt all of her resolve slipping, leaving her with an undeniable need to shush Kili in the only way her mind could rationalize; snark, and lots of it.

Fili pressed a warm hand into her back, laughing slightly at the two of them, as they made their way along the side of the mountain.

"Emmy." Fili said warningly into her ear, placing his hands onto her hips to hoist her up to the next level of the ledge. Kili turned around, ignoring the look on Emelia's face, and grabbed her hands, steadying her as she scrambled her way over the slick rocks. He placed his hand on her shoulders pulling her away from the unsteady edge before he let go of her, dropping his hands as he moved his gaze up to her annoyed face

His had the nerve to smirk at her, ignoring his dark hair sticking in his face in swirls and spirals. His dark eyes were sparkling with mirth, despite the fact that she was glaring at him so thoroughly she was surprised he wasn't feeling physical pain. He would have been pleasing to look at, surprisingly, if she hadn't been so focused on getting that smirk off of his smug face. He folded his arms across his chest, making water squish out from his blue clad arms.

"Don't look at me like that." Emelia said, mimicking his position with her arms over her chest.

"What are you talking about Emelia?" Kili asked, completely oblivious to the warning look he was getting from his brother. "I am looking at you like I always look at you."

"Kili I am entirely too wet to deal with this right now."

The smile that had been on Kili's face completely faded, turning instead to a wild blush that covered from the tips of his cheeks all the way down his neck. He immediately stepped back, coughing awkwardly as he ceased making eye contact with her almost instantly. He couldn't help but look at her legs, almost immediately regretting the decision when he heard Fili laugh even louder. Emelia felt her face scrunch up in confusion for a moment before she felt her mouth fall open slightly. Her entire body burned as she realized just exactly what she had said to make Kili look so uncomfortable with her.

She shook her head, bringing her hands up in front of her face, covering it completely. "Oh god. No. I didn't mean it like…"

"Right. Erm…" Kili didn't exactly know where to look. He couldn't look at Emelia's bright red face, nor could he make eye contact with his now chortling brother.

She felt like she was bright red with embarrassment as Fili let out a loud snort of laughter as he looked at the two of them awkwardly shifting on their feet in front of each other. Kili was now the color of Emelia's hair, and Fili imagined Emelia wasn't much better. She was stepping back and forth over the water covered rocks. Her back was tense as she tried to find a way out of her current painfully awkward situation. Kili was glancing over his shoulder at the rest of the company, fingers twitching slightly.

"Well this is just nice and comfortable isn't it?" Fili asked, clapping a hand onto Emelia's shoulder.

"Quiet, Fee."

Fili wasn't able to stop himself from laughing out loud as the two of them spoke at the same time, both with matching annoyed looks on their faces. He could only just imagine the thought process that both of them were going through as they looked back at each other in horror. Kili stepped back even further, a bright red blush blooming over his face as she glanced back towards the rest of the company that had left the three of them behind. Emelia's hood had fallen back, revealing her sopping wet hair as she looked back and forth for what Fili assumed was a way out of the situation she was in.

"Oh lighten up you two." Fili said, moving forward to wrap an arm around their each of their tensed up shoulders, drawing them into him slightly. "At least you're talking to each other."

Kili looked across his brother's chest to Emelia, who was avoiding making eye contact completely. She was looking out at the mountains across from them, suddenly very interested in the shape and formation. He couldn't help but feel uncomfortable, for some unfathomable reason, as her choice of words. He felt very young, suddenly, as he felt his hot face. Her words should not have affected him the way they did. He supposed he should take it for what it was. She was talking to him, and he was talking to her. It was about all the two of them could hope for, considering how teetering and unsteady their friendship was. He could tell she still felt uncomfortable around him, but she tried to best to not let those feelings show.

She was doing her best, and he felt it was only right to return the favor.

He looked over at her, offering her an awkward smile before he reached across his brother to pull her along behind him in an attempt to diffuse the tension.

"Fee's an idiot." Emelia said from behind him, ignoring the bark of laughter from the blonde behind him. They walked along the side of the mountain in silence, pulling their bodies away from each other as far as was safe. He still glanced over his shoulder to make sure she was still there, but for the most part he kept his awkward gaze firmly in front of him.

"I didn't mean it like that." Emelia said, pulling her hands into her sides as she ignored Fili turning to the nearest dwarf to prattle on about the situation he had just witnessed.

Kili paused, turning back to look at her with an unreadable expression on his face. "I know. You are far too lady-like to say such a thing."

"And in such polite company too." Emelia said, picking up on his slight, ribbing sarcasm. She attempted to smile at him.

She always felt like she was attempting. Kili was not someone she found she got along with easily. He wasn't his brother, whom Emelia found herself on constant good terms. Fili was someone who Emelia felt like she could say anything to without worrying about offending him. She had tested her theory multiple times, only to be met with the results she expected. Fili wasn't one who was offended. Kili was. She had to watch her words constantly around the younger brother, which bothered her. She wasn't used to having to be careful with what she said. Her parents had found her snarkiness and sassiness to be charming. It seemed that all of the dwarves found it to be grating and alarming for a woman to speak the way she did.

Kili was one of the dwarves that found her to be perpetually alarming, as he had told her so more often than not.

She had noticed, now that Fili was forcing the two of them to spend more time together, that she managed to make Kili smile at her, secretly, which made her feel slightly better. She didn't know why she and Kili were so at odds with each other, she just knew that they were, and despite all of their efforts, the silences that fell between them were still painfully and depressingly uncomfortable for Emelia to deal with.

"We are polite company when we choose to be." Kili said simply, fixing her with a look that made Emelia more than a little uncomfortable.

His eyes were too dark and clouded. His face too unreadable.

"As Nim said, you all could be worse." Emelia said after a long moment. Kili looked at her for a moment longer, reaching his hand up to his stubbled face, rubbing it along carefully until his thick fingers paused on the left side of his face. He studied her for a long palpable moment before he finally decided she wasn't planning, or meaning, to outright insult him.

"I suppose we could have."

Emelia kept herself firmly planted between Kili and a still amused Fili as the mountain pass became more and more treacherous by the step. Kili had stopped speaking to her shortly after they had stopped briefly. He wasn't avoiding her, per say, instead choosing to stick closer to the dwarf in front of him rather than her. He smiled at her occasionally, indicating to Emelia that he wasn't avoiding her out of anger or frustration, just his own necessity. She knew she made him feel awkward, just the way he made her feel, so she did not hold it against him.

The fact that they were able to speak with each other, and smile intermittently, was enough for Emelia.

She would worry about building relationships when she wasn't covered head to toe in sticky, miserable rain.

The path had become thinner and more dangerous, resulting in the dwarves pressing themselves up so close to the rocks, they were practically kissing them. Kili, much to Emelia's great surprise, kept his hand firmly planted on her, making sure she didn't stumble like she had when they had first started their journey in the mountains once he realized that the path was no longer remotely safe. He had tried to keep his distance until it became impossible, resulting in Emelia being pressed up against his back. Fili kept one hand on her back, making Emelia feel like she was being smashed from both sides as they pushed on her in an attempt to keep her firmly in her spot between them.

The rain hadn't stopped, but instead it had started to lighting and thunder.

Every time it cracked, Emelia thought her heart was going to stop. It reverberated through her like a bass drum, making her chest shake and rumble with each new bolt touching the ground.

She pressed herself into the wall closer and closer with every new crack of lightning, her shoulders and knees scrapping along as she struggled to keep grips on not only herself, but the mountain side. Her hands moved of their own accord to the back of Kili's cloak, pulling the fabric so tightly he stumbled back as she pulled him to her. He glanced over his shoulder, fixing her with a concerned look before he tentatively reached one of his soaking hands down to grab a hold of one of her own.

"You won't fall Emelia." He said simply, as if he was certain.

She was rather ashamed to admit that the thought that she would go plummeting to her death was something she had been thinking about constantly ever since they had arrived in the higher parts of the mountain. It was all she could see, all she could smell, and all she could imagine as they moved slowly. Her entire face had lost its blood, leaving her looking like a ghost, as she stared down at the never ending pit that dipped on the side of the mountain. Her body shook like a leaf, and her eyes shed involuntary, almost unperceivable tears.

She supposed she should have admitted sooner that she was terrified of heights.

Haltingly, painfully, bitingly, and perpetually terrified of heights.

"I don't like this Kili." She said quietly, sounding almost nonexistent over the howling wind and thunder. "I don't like this at all."

Kili felt like this was a conversation that would have been better suited for a different time and place. And dwarf. He felt her hand clench around his own, forcing his attention back to her petrified face. She refused to let go of his hand, once she had a hold of it, and pulled it in closer to her. He felt it rubbing against the fabric of her stomach, making him acutely aware of how afraid he actually was. Her entire form was shaking like she was freezing. He imagined she would have been mortified at her grip on his hand if she wasn't so out sorts

"What's going on?" Fili had finally managed to muscle his way up next to them, teetering dangerously on the edge as he used on of the rock outcroppings to steady himself. He glanced at the two of them for a moment, taking in their intertwined hands and her terrified expression before he finally seemed to understand. He understood, as well as the next dwarf, that commenting on it would not have been in his best interest. Emelia would have punched him, sooner rather than later.

"I do…"

"Look out!"

Emelia barely had time to glance over Kili's shoulder before she was being pushed into the wall by both of the brothers, her back sliding along the rough edge so painfully she cried out. She buried her face into the nearest place she could find, smushing her nose in so tightly, colors shot across her vision. She felt small rocks and scraps of the mountain falling down over them, scraping over her head and along the part of her neck that was left exposed. The two dwarves pushed her into the mountain more, making her cry out from the pressure on her torso before they finally released her after the thundering ceased for a brief moment.

They stepped back from her, looking over at each other to check for injured. Fili smiled at Kili when he saw that his brother was unhurt, placing a strong hand on his shoulder.

"The stories are true!" She knew that was Bofur by the accent. He sounded amazed, which alarmed Emelia, as he gestured wildly to the opposite side of the mountain.

She reluctantly followed his gaze before she felt all of the remaining blood in her face drain completely.

The mountain, or what she had assumed was a mountain, was coming alive. Literally coming alive. She immediately scrambled back, letting a small cry out of her mouth involuntarily, as she watched the mountain separate itself and form into the shape of a colossally stony man. He lumbered to his feet, like any living and breathing man would, before he turned back to the mountain to grab a hold of the stone that covered it surface with its boulder-like hand.

"What the fu.."

"It's a Thunder battle!" The dwarves were apparently as panicky as Emelia was.

As it were, she felt like she was going to wet herself and vomit all at the same time.

The monster, which she found she was describing a lot of things as in this new found place, hurled the chunk of the mountain directly above them, sending loud rumbles all the way down to them before the rock exploded, sending pebbles raining down on them. Fili threw his hands above her head, pushing her behind him in an attempt to keep her from being hurt. She made a mental note to thank him later, the earlier teasing completely forgotten as she buried her face into the thick fabric that sat on his shoulder.

He didn't step back until the rumbling ceased.

The moment he did, the rumbling picked up again. Only this time it was below their feet. They all looked down in a mixture of shock and horror as the ground increased its rumbling, making them all stumble back and forth. Emelia immediately reached out to Fili, pulling him towards her in a panic. He tried to pry her death grip off of his shirt, only to have her wrap her hands around him even tighter, her breathing increasing with the rumbling of the ground. She no longer felt like she was in control of her body, her hands were acting of their own accord as she struggled to keep Fili from moving away from her.

The thought of letting go of him, made her insides shrivel and clench with undeniable and paralyzing fear.

The ground increased its rumbling until it finally became so intense, Emelia lost balance on the side of the mountain.

She made the mistake of looking down. She felt woozy and lightheaded when she saw that they were moving. Her throat tore out a scream of its own accord, straining her voice to its limits as she felt her body being carried through the air like it was on some sick roller coaster. She pressed her face into Fili chest even further, feeling his arms clench around her for the first time since she had latched herself onto him like a germ. She felt him pushing her into the wall, flipping himself so that she was pressed into his back instead of his front.

"Fili!"

The shouts of the other dwarves were almost as disorienting at the movement, making the ever present nausea rise up even further in her stomach and chest.

The motion continued for only a moment longer before she felt her and Fili being thrown forward in a heap, black shooting across her vision. She felt heavy rocks peppering and colliding with her body, adding to the litany of bruises she already possessed. They had tumbled and rolled until Fili landed on top of her, crushing her under the weight of his armor and body weight. He wasn't moving, which was concerning, making it hard for her to breathe.

She puffed out water and dust, fighting the urge to vomit right then and there. The need was prevailing and over powering, making her feel like she was going to pass out. The weight of Fili sat on her for what felt like an eternity before he was lifted off her, resulting in a rush of air to her lungs. She felt a pair of hands on her, pulling her up out of the soupy water and into an awkward standing position. The sudden movement sent even more nausea washing over her.

She fought it as best as possible as she looked into a pair of very dark eyes.

"Thank Mahal none of you were hurt." It was Kili, smiling at her as he held her up with the two strong hands on her shoulders.

"I thin…" She paused, losing the ability to focus on Kili's face.

There were shouts from behind Kili, making Emelia feel even more disoriented. "I think I'm going to be sick." She finally managed to choke out, pushing herself back from Kili to avoid retching all over him.

She imagined that would have ended all and any seedlings of a friendship that had slowly but surely been starting to form between them. She stumbled over away from him, spilling the contents of her almost empty stomach over the rain covered rocks. It was painful, much like it had been in the troll cave, and much more humiliating. There was an audience this time. There was more shouting from behind her as she slumped over and dry heaved. The shouting continued up until she whipped her mouth on the back of her hand, diminishing into nothing but gruff orders from Thorin.

Emelia felt a hand on her back, patting her soothingly before she finally managed straighten herself up.

"I won't be doing that again." She managed to choke out, turning around to face the dwarf responsible for the hand.

Fili smiled at her slightly, before offering her a bit of fabric to wipe her mouth with, before leading her towards the entrance to the first dry place they had found in weeks.

It came as no surprise that Emelia was not able to sleep. The dwarves, with the exception of Bofur who was on watch, had all fallen into an uneasy sleep. They were snoring, which Emelia had learned was a racial trait, which meant they were all soundly asleep. Or so she had assumed.

She had shoved herself into a corner, both mortified and terrified form the experience they had had on the side of the mountain.

She hadn't vomited in years prior to her appearance in the river, and now she had done it repeatedly in the last month. She still felt the taste of it in her mouth, despite having washed it out repeatedly, making it impossible for her to find comfort in her sleep. That added to the fact that she was now missing Rivendell, and Kessog, more than she ever had, made her entire being clench up in discomfort and revulsion as she looked at each of the dwarves sleeping faces one by one.

Emelia did not spend much time looking at Thorin, or Dwalin, for that matter. She still found them to be a catalyst of her anger and frustration at being amongst the company. Bifur still scared her, even in sleep, so she moved her gaze away from him rather quickly. Gloin and Oin, who she found to be amongst the closest in the group, were leaning against each other at the far side of the cave, using each other's strong shoulders and backs to support them in sleep. Fili and Kili had positioned themselves next to each other, like they always did, sharing blankets and cloaks like she would have if she had been with Edward. Balin was curled up against his cloak, as were Ori, Dori and Nori. Bilbo was curled in on himself so tightly, she wasn't sure if it was him, or a particularly large pack.

They were all sleeping except for one.

She had not expected to find Bombur staring at her from his seated position across the cave when she had started her observing of the dwarves.

She froze when she saw the red headed dwarf looking at her. He was munching, which she suspected of him, and watching. He looked at her for a moment before he lifted up a meaty hand, gesturing her over to him a swift, silent position.

She eyed him for a moment, before she lifted herself to her feet, stumbling slightly in the sand that littered the cave floor.

It wasn't as if she was sleeping to occupy her time.

He smiled up at her when she sat down lazily next to him. He was silent for a moment before he opened his mouth, addressing her individually for the first time in days.

"I noticed you haven't eaten much since…" He trailed off, seeming to shy up at the thought of mentioning her vomiting spell from earlier. He blushed slightly as she looked at him before he reached a thick hand over to his pack, pulling out a crusty roll and a piece of dried meat. "I thought you might sleep better on a full stomach."

Her entire body rushed and bubbled with gratitude and appreciate at the thoughtfulness of the gesture. Despite her residual nausea, she reached a pruney hand out to take the offering, smiling at him in thanks.

He munched on it slowly, rolling it around her mouth before forcing herself to swallow it. Bombur watched her for a moment before he too returned to his midnight snack.

"I am afraid of heights, you know." Bombur said through a particularly large bite of bread. "This evening's events were particularly bad."

She paused in her attempts to force herself to eat. She observed him for a moment, taking in his large kind face and expressive eyes. She instantly felt bad that she had not spoken to him more. He was far too kind to avoid a conversation. He was far too gentle to be ignored.

"I am too."

"I believe we all noticed that Lassie." He said with a small burp of digestion. "Which is completely understandable to us. We dwarves prefer to keep our feet firmly planted on the ground."

"I am not a bird." Emelia said simply. "If we were meant to fly, we would have been born with wings." Bombur let out a small, hearty laugh.

It was true that Emelia was scared of heights. She had never been on a plane, up a tree, or more than a boats difference from the ground. She had been scared from the time she was a small child, when she had fallen out of the back end of a car, resulting in a broken arm and a lifelong fear. She found she appreciated the dwarves a little more for the new information that Bombur had relayed. She could get along with a person who feared heights a profoundly as she did.

She heard Bofur conversing with someone from behind her, drawing both of their attention over to him. Bilbo was standing in front of him, pack in hand. She could not hear the specific words, as they were whispered back and forth harshly. She understood the gist and the meaning of his pack, however. He was leaving.

"Will you be going with him?" Bombur asked quietly from behind her.

Leaving seemed like such a nice notion, in theory. However, after her experience on the side of the mountain, she found she could not fathom going back the way she had come. The thought of the stone creatures and the mind boggling heights made the little amount of food in her stomach squirm and churn. No, she wouldn't be going back with him, as appealing as the idea was. She missed Rivendell, but she did not miss it enough to go back out into the rain. She did not miss it enough to risk dying.

"No, I do not think it will."

Bombur seemed to like that news, as he smiled widely at her.

They both watched the whispered exchange, munching on their food for a moment before Bofur finally smiled at Bilbo and patted his shoulder.

The hobbit made to move when he was interrupted by Bofur, looking down wildly at his sword attached to his belt. Bilbo stared down for a moment before a loud groan was heard throughout the small cave. None of the dwarves stirred, with the exception of Thorin.

"Up! Everybody up!"

Emelia wasn't sure what was so alarming about a groan, however she had been wrong so many times before that she kept her mouth shut. She stood up quickly, throwing her bread down as she looked around at all of the panicking dwarves for a moments. Only a few of them had woken up when the floor literally fell out from underneath them, making Emelia's heart drop instantly as she fell, reaching out frantically for the first thing she could grab, which happened to be a very scared looking Bombur.

He grabbed around her stomach, shielding her from impact as they tumbled down lower and lower into the depths of the mountain, leaving all of the supplies, fresh air, and Emelia's shaky resolve behind as they went.