Chapter Thirty-One: Bravery, or Lack Thereof
Emelia did not like Tauriel. The elf that was leading her away from Thranduil hadn't technically spoken to her, but that didn't stop Emelia from instantly disliking her for being so undeniably perfect all the same. Emelia watched her prefect red hair swinging along her perfectly postured back with her face scrunched up. Tauriel made no noise as she walked through the halls, nodding to some of the elves as she passed them by. Emelia stomped like an elephant.
Her stomach, seeming to realize that food was near, growled louder and louder as the two of them walked along in silence.
Emelia was surprised she was allowed to walk around without handcuffs. Perhaps the elves thought she wasn't much of a threat. She imagined that perhaps they were right. They had taken all of the sharp things in her possession, which included the knife Fili and Kili had given her, leaving her with nothing but her travel bag from Beorn. They had riffled through that too but Emelia had been too preoccupied with them taking the only things she had to protect herself with. She was still cussing them out in her head.
Tauriel turned suddenly, forcing Emelia to refocus on her obnoxiously red hair.
"Would you prefer to eat first or bathe first?" Tauriel spoke softly, not looking over her shoulder. Emelia glared even harder. Even her voice was perfect.
"I want to eat." Emelia said, not able to keep her bitterness out of her voice. She hoped they had like a whole cow for her to eat or something of similar size because that's what it felt like her stomach was demanding.
They didn't. They had one single plate of salad and a couple of rolls for her set on a tray in the most miserably bland room Emelia had ever seen. The walls were matte beige that looked like it belonged on the walls of a hospital. The bed was small, sporting only two pillows and a thin blanket despite the chilliness of the halls Tauriel led her in, holding open the door for Emelia without smiling. Emelia stared at the plate feeling even more annoyance welling up inside her. She suddenly understood why the dwarves hated elf food, and elves for that matter, so much. Was a steak too much to ask for?
"The maids will come to help you with your bath when you finish eating." Tauriel said, moving towards the door. She was looking at Emelia with an odd look on her face. Her eyes paused on the knot on the side of Emelia head for a brief moment. "I will be right outside the door, so it would be unwise to try and escape."
Emelia hadn't even thought about it, but now she knew it wouldn't be possible, her heart sunk that much further. She nodded her head slowly, moving closer to the salad. "Sure. I wasn't going to, but sure."
Tauriel left the room without another word.
Emelia waited approximately two milliseconds before she attacked the salad. She chose to forgo the fork and knife they had provided, opting instead to shovel it into her face with her hands. It was not the most dignified, but Emelia couldn't be bothered to care. The food physically hurt her stomach, making her feel painfully tight. She didn't chew, which caused a few coughing instances, and only paused to wash it down with a few swigs of what she instantly knew to be wine. Strong wine, apparently. She felt the effects almost instantly, which caused her to set it aside without touching it again. She finished off her meal by shoving the entire roll into her mouth. Her throat was sore and her jaw ached, but she ignored that as she swallowed the last bit of food thickly.
She still felt hungry, but she found she was so used to the feeling that it didn't bother her as much as the starvation had.
The maids came in after she had finished, clearing away the clean plates and half-drunk wine. They didn't speak to her either, not that Emelia wanted them to. They ignored Emelia's less than impressed looks when they removed all of her clothes and took them with them. She snarled, involuntarily, when they tried to take away her boots. She wasn't aware she was capable of snarling. They took the hint and left the boots by the foot of the bed.
Her bath, which was something she had been secretly looking forward, was uncomfortable, at best. The maids made her undress in front of them. Emelia wasn't exactly proud of the way she looked and the judging glances she got made her feel even worse. They looked at each of her wounds for longer than would be considered polite. Emelia's hands dropped down to cover her crotch area involuntarily, feeling very violated under the scrutiny of the maids. The elves in Rivendell had been so polite about her self-consciousness. These elves seemed more inclined to judge her than anything.
The water was nice, despite being lukewarm. She, much to her own embarrassment, scooped up a fair amount of the bath water to drink. It was too tempting, all clean and such, especially since the elves had only given her wine to drink. She gulped it down, ignoring the soapy taste, until she made herself slightly sick. She had never thought water could be so nice. The maids even left her alone for a bit, which was also nice. She was finally able to scrub all of the dirt and grime off her body. She was careful around her chest wound, which was still raw. She wondered, briefly, if that was something she should be concerned about. She pushed that thought aside when her hands got around to washing her hair. It, having been weighed down by all the filth, bounced around, brushing the tops of shoulders softly. She knew it would still be less perfect that Tauriel's hair. The thought set her teeth on edge.
The water was a murky brown by the time she heaved herself out of it. The maids had laid out a very simple mud colored dress. Emelia slipped it on, instantly feeling like she was wearing a tent.
She looked around the room for a moment, feeling the reality of her situation sinking in. The closest person she knew was Thorin and he could be miles away from her, for all she knew. The other dwarves and Bilbo might be dying, or dead, and there was nothing she could do about it. There was nothing she could do at all. She threw herself onto the lumpy bed, her dress tangling itself around her legs as she went. As exhausted as she was, she knew she would get very little sleep. Her mind was too preoccupied with morbid thoughts for sleep.
Emelia had only slept for four or five hours in the last three days.
She had, in all her time spent thinking, come to realize a few things about these elves. Firstly, they were creatures of habit. This was evidenced by her daily meals. Breakfast was rolls and honeyed butter, Lunch was a salad, unfortunately, and dinner was seasoned chicken with a few potatoes. Not the worst, but certainly not the best. She was mostly happy they gave her some protein, so she didn't complain too much. The second thing she noticed about the elves was that they were very suspicious. Whenever she needed to go to the bathroom, which was very rare, she was escorted by not only a maid, but a pair of armed guards as well. It wasn't as if she could do much in her XXXXL dress. The third thing she noticed was they didn't seem too terribly inclined to engage in conversation with her. The maids never spoke, and the guards only gave her one or two word answers when she asked.
Emelia pulled her legs up to her chest, eyeing the soggy roll from her breakfast with disinterest. She knew she should eat it, if not for taste than for putting a little weight back on, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. The thought made her nauseous.
During her second day, to keep her mind off all of her morbid imaginations, she had taken to sorting out in her belongings in the bag Beorn had lent her. She had almost cried with joy when she saw a little pot of honey tucked away in some spare bandages. That man, as weird as he was, certainly knew how to surprise a girl. She didn't know why it was there, but she knew it was a good thing. She did feel rather foolish for not noticing it sooner, what with the company's almost starvation. It took all her willpower not to eat it, her thinking being that she might be able to get it to Thorin, if she was lucky.
Besides, the thought of more honey made her stomach churn. She stuffed in it her bra, hoping to avoid the elves confiscating it for some looney reason or another.
She leaned back against the cold wall behind her, squeezing her pillow to her stomach with her legs. She had been thinking, in the time that she should have been sleeping, about how long her and Thorin were going to be stuck here. The king hadn't spoken to her again and she had not heard anything about what sort of trouble Thorin was in, which increased her anxiety. She wondered if they were feeding him well, a thought that instantly made her feel bad about not to wanting to eat her breakfast. She couldn't ask anyone, considering they thought Thorin had kidnapped her. It was one of the many reasons she felt bad about lying. Thorin had intended for her to do something, not sit in her room and whinge about soggy rolls.
She was interrupted from her thoughts by her door swinging open. She instantly drew her pillow closer to her chest. Tauriel arched her eyebrow at the motion, carefully closing the door behind her with a soft snap.
Emelia could feel the awkwardness floating around the room as the two of them eyed each other.
"Hi?" Emelia finally spoke, unable to stop herself.
"Hello." Tauriel moved further into the room. "May I sit?" She pointed to the small chair in the corner of the room. Emelia nodded, knowing her mouth was hanging open. Tauriel sat down, fixing her gaze on Emelia. She stared at Emelia for a moment, eyes raking over her features. She had a calculating look on her face, which caused Emelia to fortify her already substantial guard even more. "You are well, yes?"
"I'm fine." Emelia was confused. Tauriel hadn't been back since the first day. She didn't have the foggiest idea why she was suddenly insisting on chitchatting.
"You are wondering why I am here."
"Bingo." Tauriel scrunched up her small nose in confusion. "Yes, it means yes." Emelia clarified, finding Tauriel's lack of knowledge about earth sayings less charming than if it had been someone else, someone more dwarvish.
"Bingo." Tauriel tested the word out, smiling slightly as she did so. "That is a ludicrous word."
"Yea, well tell that to a certain farmer." Emelia wished she would leave. She didn't like the knives she had strapped to her person and she especially did not like the suspicious looks she was getting from the redheaded elf.
"I know no farmer who would be interested." Tauriel seemed to lose interest in their conversation suddenly. The look of genuine curiosity slid off her face to be replaced by a much more stern, much more distrusting look, as if she suddenly remembered why she was there. "I do not believe you."
Emelia blinked rapidly, hoping to keep a straight face. "About what?"
"I saw what happened in the forest, with that dwarf." She spat the word like it made a disgusting taste spring up in her mouth. "I saw him speaking to you before you were apprehended."
"He was saying mean things, nothing more." Emelia lied, hoping that at some point it would become easier. "He's kind of a bully. You know spit in your pudding, connoisseur of the atomic wedgie kind of guy." She wasn't sure where she was going, but she did realize that, for once, she was truly lying about Thorin. It felt weird considering for the vast majority of the time they had known each other, the insults about him had come easy. She shifted in her spot, looking away from Tauriel. "Look, I'm the one who shouldn't trust you, not the other way around. I'm about as dangerous as a cotton ball."
"Be that as it may, if you should attempt to harm this kingdom in any manner, I will see to it personally."
Emelia knew rolling her eyes wouldn't be the best response to an outright threat to her life. "You're a real ray of sunshine, you know that?"
"Many are fond of my personality." Tauriel said, not quite understand Emelia.
"I'm sure." Emelia was tired of talking to Tauriel, almost as much as she was tired of looking at her.
"You should have care with your words. You are a guest here and once you overstay your welcome, as I am sure you will, I will…"
"Captain." Tauriel was interrupted mid-sentence by a tall elf in the doorway to Emelia's room. He was dressed in what she thought looked like hunting clothes, holding a bow in his right hand. Emelia noticed the quiver of arrows slung over his wide shoulders along with a slender sword that looked intimidatingly sharp. "Scouts are reporting more spiders within our borders."
Tauriel stood up immediately. She pushed the chair she had been sitting back to its place by the wall before she turned back to look at Emelia, a hard look on her face. "We will continue this upon my return."
"Yea, whatever." Emelia was officially tired of people thinking she was up to no good or distrust worthy. She had done nothing to warrant such feelings. She, feeling that Tauriel was even more annoying when she spoke than when she was being silent, turned away from her. Emelia did not think her attitude was what Thorin meant by inclining herself to the elves, but she just couldn't help it. "You can resume your interrogation later. It isn't as if I have anywhere to go."
"I imagine you wouldn't while the dwarf is still in prison."
"See you later, Tauriel." Emelia didn't think being overly rude would serve her very well. She tried to smile at the other red head in the hopes that Tauriel might be more likely to believe her lack of involvement with Thorin and his supposed nefarious schemes. "And when you come back will you bring me something besides soggy rolls to eat?"
"Perhaps." Tauriel said, turning to leave the room. "If I were to bring you something more agreeable to eat, would that make you more inclined to tell me the truth?"
"Maybe."
Tauriel left the room after that, leaving Emelia sitting on bed wondering what in the hell had just happened. Tauriel was an odd bird, she decided. One moment she looked like she wanted to slice Emelia into little tiny pieces and feed her to a flock of pigeons and the next she acted as if she was genuinely curious. She didn't know what to think. She was certainly happy it was Tauriel who had been given the responsibility of interrogating her, however weird she was. Emelia couldn't imagine how she would do if it had been some more intimidating elf, someone like King Thranduil for example.
Emelia was either being very brave or very stupid by sticking her head out of her door without asking permission. She imagined it was a little bit of both. She had sat in her bed for what she thought was a couple of hours after Tauriel left before she finally realized that she couldn't ignore nature's call. She wondered if her bladder was being intentionally annoying, or if she was merely laying all of her frustrations on her own, admittedly inconvenient, body part.
She cracked open her door, reaching a hand down bunch up the ridiculous amount of fabric of her dress to the point that she would be able to walk without face planting.
She stuck her nose out first, sniffing for a moment, before she opened the door more to peer out with one tired eye. She thought she was imaging things when she didn't see the usual two elves posted outside her door. She opened it even further, leaning her head out to see further down the twisty hallway her room was in. Not a soul in sight.
She stepped out of the room hesitantly, fingers squeezing the fabric of her dress against her thighs. Why they had chosen to give her a dress made for a morbidly obese elf, if that was thing, was beyond her. Regardless, she ignored the practicality, or lack thereof, of her dress. She had more pressing matters.
She felt very daring, which was stupid, and rebellious, which was ludicrous, and devious, which was downright ridiculous, as she made her way towards where she knew she could use the bathroom.
She was about halfway there when she noticed that the elves were entirely absent. The hallways, which normally had at least some noise, were completely silent. There were no guards roaming about. No nothing. For the first time in her life she was happy to see nothing. She hiked her dress up even more, moving faster through the deserted hallways. She couldn't help but feel like it was an oversight for the elves to leave her alone, not that she was complaining.
She hurried into the bathroom, or whatever they wanted to call it.
She was disappointed and surprised to learn, once she was finally able to do her business, that there might have been a reason for her general annoyance during the last three days. It had all but slipped her mind, life-threatening situations and what not, that she was technically still female. And apparently tampons weren't a thing here. That was enough to send her into another bought of uninhibited annoyance at life in general.
"As if my life wasn't as miserable enough." Emelia muttered darkly to herself.
She all but stomped out of the bathroom, or whatever, when she was done. She paid very little attention to where she was walking, fully content to curse herself darkly under her breath rather than focus on anything.
Perhaps she should have, considering how lost she found herself. She stopped walking, looking around her with confusion. All of the halls looked the same, yet different, in this convoluted kingdom. At least Rivendell had made sense. It was laid out like it should have been, perfect for guests. This place was a directionally challenged person's worst nightmare. She kept walking, hoping that at some point she would either find her way back to her miserable little room or find some elf that was nice enough not to kill her while simultaneously showing her back.
"Damn bladder, always so damn insistent. Damn va..."
"Emelia?"
Emelia stopped dead in her tracks, fists balling up in front of her face involuntarily.
"Emelia. Close your mouth."
She snapped her lips together, looking around wildly for the source of the voice.
"I am over here."
She scanned the area, looking at all of the walls, ceilings, and floors until she finally settled on the singular door in the area. Rather, the only cell in the area. There was a hand sticking out of it, a hand that had very thick fingers and large rings.
"Oh my god, Thorin!" She practically shouted, causing him to immediately shush her harshly. She ran over to him, tripping over her dress as she went. She slid on her knees the rest of the way, running into the cold metal bars in her rush. "It's you. I never thought I would be happy to see you, but here we are."
Thorin leaned closer to the bars, taking in her face. "Decorum, Emelia."
"Right, how could I forget?" Emelia sat down, leaning back against the metal bars. "Anyway, I shouldn't really be here."
"No, you shouldn't."
"Always so happy to see me."
"I am happy to see you." Thorin said, surprising Emelia to her core.
"Weird." Emelia shifted her arms, suddenly very aware of the thing she had stuffed in her bra two days earlier. She quickly changed the subject to avoid more awkwardness. "Oh, I forgot. I have something you might want."
"Is it a key?" Thorin asked, a bit of hope finding its way reluctantly into his voice.
"No. I haven't been allowed to leave my room for three days, so sorry. But, I do have something better."
"A knife."
"No. Better." She reached into her bra, digging around until she found the pot of honey. She produced it, slipping it in between the bars into his hands. She peered through, expecting to see a smile on his face. There wasn't, which didn't shock her.
"Why is it warm?" Thorin asked, opening it up to sniff it.
"Because it was in my bra." Emelia deadpanned, looking around the empty hallway. She just knew that at any moment the absentee guards would make an appearance, rendering her rather flimsy ruse of detachment from Thorin useless.
"Emelia." He sighed heavily.
"What? I live to make you uncomfortable."
"I am aware." Thorin shifted in his spot, peering out down the hallways with a look of suspicion on his face. "Have they treated you well?"
"Mostly. I don't know, they scare me. And I'm worried about everyone else."
"I worry for them as well."
"Fili and Kili…" She trailed off, placing her hands on her knees.
"You care a great deal for them." Thorin said, almost too quiet to hear. It wasn't a question. When she didn't know how to respond he spoke again, even more quietly. "They care for you as well."
"What can I say, I'm irresistible."
"I am being serious, Emelia."
"I know. You are incapable of any other emotion."
They fell into silence after that. It was compounded by the silence of the kingdom. The longer she sat there the more she felt she was tempting fate. She hadn't been caught yet, but that was likely to change. She knew that, but she couldn't bring herself to leave. Thorin was all she had right now, and as much as a grump as he was, she didn't want to go back to sitting in her room alone. She liked being able to talk to at least one member of the company, she liked being able to see that at least one of them was okay.
"You should go." Thorin said to break the silence, placing the honey on the ground of his cell with a small clatter.
Emelia didn't know why, but his words disappointed her. She and Thorin were awkward acquaintances, at the best of times, but she still wished he would have been a bit more pleased to see her. She was the only person he knew in this hellish place, after all. Maybe Thorin wasn't capable of excitement unless it involved Erebor. She rolled her eyes, moving away from the bars of the cell. "I'll try to find a key." Emelia did not wish to say anymore, lest her disappointment would shine through in her voice. She stood up, rubbing the dirt off the backside of her dress. She took a few steps down the hallway, an odd feeling settling in her stomach about how her interaction with Thorin had gone.
"Emelia, you must be brave." Thorin called to her in a loud whisper. "And be safe. There are people that would never forgive me if I were to let anything happen to you."
She nodded, not turning around to look at him again, knowing full well that if she did he would be able to see the disappointed look on her face.
Emelia was ashamed at the tears that pricked her eyes as she struggled to find her way back to her room. Her conversation was playing over and over in her head, making her almost wish she hadn't left her room in the first place. She scrubbed at her eyes fiercely, angry at herself for, once again, letting Thorin get the better of her. He wasn't being mean. She had no reason to be acting like this. She knew her emotions were getting the better of her, like they always did. It was worse now that she knew why she had been so emotional. She knew she was being stupid. He had actually been quite sincere, considering. She hadn't been able to stop herself from feeling a little underwhelmed at his response to her presence. She had wished he had wanted to talk to her more, but she quickly reminded herself that his attitude was to be expected. It wasn't his fault he got stuck with the one person, besides Bilbo, who caused him more trouble that they were worth.
Emelia, who had been wiping her eyes yet again, should have probably learned to watch where she was going by this point in her life. Maybe then she wouldn't have walked face first into some random elf's chest.
Emelia immediately fell back, landing on her tailbone painfully.
"What are you doing here?" The elf had an accusatory look on his face. He reached down to haul her into a standing position, hand wrapped around her arm painfully. "You shouldn't be out of your cell."
"I thought it was a guest room." Emelia said, trying to subtly pull her arm out of his grasp. She could feel the bruises already.
"Where were you?" The elf squeezed her arm tighter, suspicion marring his face.
"I was looking for the bathroom and got lost." Emelia said, wincing at the pressure on her arm. "Please, you're hurting me."
"Come with me." Emelia didn't really think she had a choice, judging by the grip on her arm. "The king will want to hear about this."
The king did want to hear about it. Although, he seemed less than impressed with the manner in which she was delivered to him. He stood up from his throne, gliding down to meet her on the platform. He dismissed the elf with a wave of his hand, keeping his gaze on Emelia the entire time. He peered down at her, crossing his slender hands behind his back. She folded her arms over her chest, pointedly ignoring the sharp pain in the muscles of her arm where she had been grabbed.
"I thought we had an understanding, Emelia." He sounded slightly disappointed, which surprised Emelia. "We offered you a safe place, a place free from the dwarf."
"I got lost." Emelia managed to say.
"What did the dwarf say to you?" Thranduil asked, cocking his head to the side.
"I did not talk to him. Why would I?"
"Do not lie to me." Thranduil spat, the passive look on his face suddenly becoming severe.
"I'm not. I wouldn't." Emelia could see and feel the situation deteriorating around her. All because she was a bit absent minded and bitter because of her lady parts. She should have never left her room.
"My king, the guards are back."
Emelia was saved from further interrogation by one of the guards drawing the king's attention away from her.
Thranduil stood up straight, nodding to the elf that had interrupted them. "It just so happens, Miss Montgomery, that your little escapade has rather wonderful timing. It seems we have more company. Perhaps you will know them."
Legolas was the first elf to make her way up the stairs, followed closely by Tauriel. They were followed by a few elves with arms full of weapons and bags. Emelia felt her chest constrict when she saw them. She knew them. She recognized them. She made to step closer, only to realize that she couldn't. Thranduil was still there, still watching her with interest. Legolas moved to speak to the king, words coming out foreign and rapid. Legolas eyed Emelia, suspicion lacing his handsome features. Emelia did not look at him for long, too distracted by the fact that there were currently thirteen dwarves crowing the top of the stairs that led to the king's platform.
"Why is she here?" He asked.
"She may be of use." Thranduil did not leave room for more questions.
Emelia had to force the tears back when she saw how terrible they all looked. Their faces were gaunt and dirty, their hair was abysmally unkempt. Their clothes were covered in something white, something that looked oddly like spider webs. Emelia had never felt so helpless in her entire life. Thorin had told her to be brave. Brave. She repeated the words over and over in her head, trying to force herself to feel it. She almost lost all her resolve when she locked gazes with Kili. His dark eyes widened when he saw her, scanning her quickly. He struggled to say something through the gag, jaw working furiously. Brave. Thorin had told her to be brave. She repeated, hand drifting up to rub her chest over the fabric of her dress.
"Dwarves are a rarity in this kingdom, even more so in such volume." Thranduil addressed them, moving closer to them. Not that Emelia noticed. She was far too busy focusing on Kili, who was just short of smoldering her skin off with the intensity and heat of his gaze. "Speak your purpose."
"We are traveling merchants." It was Fili who spoke, forcing Emelia to look at him. His gaze flicked to her, concern shining through.
"A very well practiced lie." Thranduil deadpanned, eyes following the line of the blond dwarf's look. "I see you recognize our charming guest."
Emelia eyes widened at being addressed. All of the dwarves seemed to notice her at that point. She was happy to see that none of them seemed upset to see her. Most seemed angry to see her in the company of elves. Dwalin looked like he wanted to murder something, and Gloin's face was almost as red as his hair.
"Emelia, come here." Thranduil gestured to her. The dwarves made noises behind their gags, struggling angrily against their chains. "Do you know these dwarves?" He pointed to them, intimidating her with the intensity of his gaze.
She wanted to say yes so badly. She wanted to run over and hug them senseless. Brave. Thorin had told her to be brave and brave she would be. The knowledge that none of them would be happy to see her after made her stomach hurt. "Yes, yes I do."
"From where?"
"They are the ones who kidnapped me." Emelia said, knowing that if she looked at Kili she wouldn't be able to lie any more. The dwarves were in an uproar instantly. They glared at her so fiercely she was reminded of how they felt about her when she first met them.
"Silence." Thranduil did not need to shout to get his point across. "I will have silence." He swanned his way over to Tauriel. "Put them in cells far apart. We wouldn't want them getting too comfortable." Tauriel nodded, reaching down to grab one of the chains attached to Kili. That alone was enough to make Emelia feel even worse.
"You did well, Emelia." Thranduil said, making Emelia wish he hadn't spoken at all. She watched helplessly as the dwarves were dragged away, struggling as they went. She had been so excited to see them and now they were being taken away from her again. Only this time, she had helped. Kili was glaring at her, all caring for her completely evaporated. He looked hurt as well, which made Emelia look away from him in shame. She didn't see how this was helping. But Thorin had said to keep the elves in her favor. She was already teetering on the edge, threatening to fall face first over the side. She couldn't help but feel that she would rather be stuck in a cell with the dwarves that have them thinking she had betrayed them.
"Take her back to her room and double the guards." Thranduil said, pulling her out of her shame spiral.
The tears flowed freely when two elves grabbed her by her upper arms and began to drag her in the opposite direction of the dwarves. Brave. She told herself to be brave. She repeated the word over and over just to keep herself from running after the dwarves. After Kili. She knew he wouldn't want to see her, however. The last look he had given her made that very clear. All of her hard work in getting them to like her, in getting them to accept her evaporated in mere moments. He hated her again, they all did, and she didn't see how any amount of her pathetic bravery would fix that.