Song Remains the Same

by R. W. Winters

For Alex Winchester, normal has never been in the equation. Mute since the nursery fire, she grew up on the road chasing ghosts with her brothers and father. When her voice is inexplicably restored and the angel Castiel appears claiming to be her guardian, both of their lives change forever in ways that Heaven and Earth never expected. Castiel/OFC. Sisfic - S4-9 - Alternate Ending.

58. Song of Songs 6:3

Song Remains the Same

Chapter 58 / Song of Songs 6:3

"With you, I will go. You are my love, you are my fair one."
- Chris Quilala

---

April 29th, 2010
Kripke's Hollow, Iowa

Chuck opened the milk carton and tilted it to pour the contents over his cereal. The second he did, he recoiled. "Aaahh, no…" huge clots of spoiled, soured milk plopped out onto his Apple Jacks. "Bleurgh," he muttered and grimaced then tossed the ruined food, bowl and all, into the trashcan… then realized his mistake. "Aw come on!" He threw his hands up and made a face and fought with himself for two seconds. Was saving the bowl really worth a dig in the trash? He guessed so. He was running out of bowls after all. Resigned, he reached in there, cringing and making disgusted sounds as he tried to get to the bowl. His fingers touched something slimy, cold, and lumpy instead. He made a face and made a shuddering sound. Was that this morning's oatmeal that he'd put way too much water in then had to toss out?

His phone rang at that exact moment and he looked up. Really? Right now you call?! He retracted his arm from the trash and made a face then shook his hand off as he hurried over to his phone. "Hello?" He held his slimy hand away from himself like it was diseased.

There was a pause at the other end, then a familiar female voice. "Um, hi Chuck. It's Alex." She appended her assertion almost immediately. "Winchester."

Of course he knew which Alex it was. He grinned. "Hey, Alex, I was just writing about you a few minutes ago!" He forgot his disgusting, oatmeal-coated hand in favor of sudden elation.

"Uh… okay..." she said, not following, pausing awkwardly. "...So the reason I'm calling is because I was wondering—" she paused, realizing what he meant about how he'd been writing about her. "Oh. Wait. You mean…? You were… writing about me. Us?"

"Yeah," Chuck confirmed, friendly and conversational, pretty excited, honestly. "I already know. Really sweet proposal, Cas is a great guy huh?" There was an awkward silence at the other end and Chuck realized, oh yeah... Alex wasn't his BFF. He saw her as his character and he knew her so well that she felt like an old buddy, but… she really didn't know him at all. It was hard to keep these things straight sometimes. He cleared his throat and wiped the idiotic grin off his face, trying to be professional and not scare her off with his enthusiasm. "So, you guys, uh, you heading this way?"

She sounded surprised that he went there without any further pretense. "Wha—well, if you will..."

"Of course I will, are you kidding me?" Chuck chuckled out of self-consciousness and excitement alike, feeling important (as luck would have it, feeling important always made him paranoid). He wet his lips. "Just… gimme a little minute to get ordained online." He gave his trashcan a side-eye, darkening a little. "I was thinking of doing it earlier but… cereal debacle."

There was another pause and he would have bet a million bucks that Alex was making a squinty confused face and wondering what the hell is wrong with this guy? "Uh, right." She cleared her throat, and Chuck heard how antsy she sounded. "Um okay, well we're a couple hours out… so… see you soon."

"Okay, drive safe," he said, then suddenly thought of his manners and rushed to put them to use. "Oh, and, congrats!" He paused, hearing nothing. "Hello?" He looked at the phone. "Ah, she already hung up," he muttered to himself. Slowly, he turned and gave the trashcan the evil eye. That would have to wait. He needed to get ordained online. Well, did he? This wasn't gonna be a legal marriage, was it? Cas wasn't a legal citizen, Alex was on the FBI watch list… it couldn't be legal, the more he thought about it. But Chuck had always wanted to get ordained anyway. No time like the present, right?

He cracked his knuckles and wiggled his fingers, heading for his computer... then realized now he had oatmeal on both hands. He froze mid step, grossed out all over again and irritated with himself. "Wash the hands," he said sullenly as he headed to the sink. "Good starting point." Stop talking to yourself, Chuck. People will think you're crazy. "I know, I know..." he muttered with an exasperated sigh.

---

A couple hours later a stolen SUV pulled up to the curb in front of Chuck's ramshackle old house. Out of the car came a young woman with dark brown hair. Her trenchcoat-wearing companion exited the vehicle with a plastic grocery store bag in his hand. In it, there was some kind of bunched up piece of white clothing.

Alex looked at Chuck's house apprehensively. "Are you sure you're sure about this?" she asked anxiously, looking at Cas with a quickly-increasing heart rate. He was a few feet off, studying her. She'd been getting more and more nervous the closer they got to Chuck's. "Is this insane?" she asked, then looked back at the house. Her nerves were jangled and she felt crazy. "This is insane," she said and looked at Cas again. "We're insane!"

Cas paused, thinking about it in utmost seriousness. "I feel perfectly mentally competent," he replied, not really getting what she meant. Alex swallowed and looked around at the ground in front of her feet, scanning it without seeing much. Her heart was racing—this was real and they were actually going to do this without Dean and Sam, without sleeping on it, without another minute's hesitation. And that was crazy. Cas studied her with concern, trying to understand. "What is it?" he asked softly, touching her arm faintly. At his touch and the concerned question, she calmed automatically and her eyes went to his hand. She swallowed again, this time slowly. Cas was here with her. He was here. And it was normal to be nervous about this, right?

Her voice was barely above a whisper when she spoke. "I'm just… really scared." Her wide eyes met his, asking for help or guidance.

Cas was visibly worried at her sudden confession and he stepped a little closer, searching her face. "Of what?" He paused. "Of… matrimony?"

Well yes but also... the apocalypse, the end of the world, death, things falling apart, him dying and leaving her alone again, losing her brothers...

He waited for an answer and she settled on the truth. "Just… everything."

The statement left him confused. But his hand was still on her arm… and he didn't let go. Alex took in deep, steadying breath, concentrating on the feeling of his hand holding her steady. Maybe that single action is what helped her: him staying in that moment with her even though he didn't know how to respond to her statement. His presence meant more than words could, honestly. Her nerves became calmer. She remembered how overjoyed she'd felt when she said yes to him a couple hours ago, she remembered how happy and overwhelmed he'd been. She searched his eyes, somewhere between elated and terrified. "You're sure about this, Cas? Really sure? This is what you want?" It was about to be too late to go back.

Cas smiled one of those soft little blink-and-you-miss-it smiles of his, letting his hand skim down her arm and take hold of her hand. Pleasant, comforting feelings radiated from the place where his warm hand pressed into hers. He seemed shy in that moment. "You know that I am." His eyes held hers in a steady, hopeful gaze and she thought of the picnic bench and how he'd laid it all on the line to her, telling her that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and only her. The ultimate declaration of love. Her heart skip-hop-jumped even as she recognized how his eyes were tinged with traces of worry. His thumb ran across her knuckles comfortingly and suddenly Alex realized that Castiel was just as scared as she was. Maybe not of getting married, but of doing the wrong thing or of pressuring her into something. Even as she realized that, he confirmed her hunch in so many words: "Alex, if you don't want this, tell me. Please."

Her stomach somersaulted. He loved her in a way she had never even known really existed and she did want this. But another side of her said it was a bad idea, said it was totally nuts to do it right now without more time to think about it. Nervous fears were eating at her and she kept thinking about what would/could/might go wrong or how she might end up letting Cas's expectations down. He'd made it sound like he had no expectations, like he just wanted to be with her the rest of her days, but really, he had to have expectations, right? This is Cas you're thinking about, Alex. The one who gave everything for you over and over again without a thought for himself. He was as good as his word; he meant what he said. She knew that. And reminded of that truth, she felt the way in which she loved him threatening to burst her completely. Maybe that's what scared her, too. How much she loved this strange and beautiful being called Castiel. Her heart could barely hold it in. "I do want this," she told him faintly, sidestepping the truth a little because she didn't want to hurt him. She did want it... mostly. Wishing she knew how to better put her thoughts into words, she felt foolish for feeling the way she did and didn't understand it entirely. "I'm just… scared, I don't know how else to say it."

He was intense and meaningful and he seemed so strong and trustworthy to her in that moment. "I won't let harm come to you," he promised, assuming she was afraid of being hurt. "In any way." His expression flickered and he looked down at his hand holding hers. His voice softened and he seemed conflicted briefly. "I don't want you to be afraid."

She wasn't as afraid when he said things like that. He didn't have it all figured out, either; the two of them were equally clueless and stumbling through life. They were kindred spirits. They'd known the numbing sting of loneliness, the hollowness of quiet years and the feeling of never quite belonging or fitting in where they were. But when they were with each other... it just wasn't like that. Together, they seemed stronger to Alex. And that thought comforted her. She squeezed Cas's hand. If they watched each other's backs and protected one another, then maybe neither of them had to be scared at all.

A sudden interjection distracted them. "Hey! You two just gonna stand out there all day?"

They both turned their heads to see Chuck squinting at them from his front porch with a huge stupid grin. He wore slippers and a ratty old bathrobe over a t-shirt and some boxers. Alex and Cas glanced at each other and Alex took a deep breath—no turning back now. She tightened her hand in Cas's she led him toward the house and up the front porch stairs. Her nervousness increased with every step and she thought maybe she might throw up from it. Instead, she smiled tightly at the author. "Hi Chuck."

"Good to see you two," he said, beckoning them to enter his house as he held the door open. He seemed eager. "Come in, come in!"

They complied. Chuck led the way in through the tight little foyer where a staircase and hallway stretched. It was dim inside the messy house—and looked like no one had ever tidied the place possibly ever. The kitchen seemed to have thrown up onto the adjascent living room and study: There were old juice containers, beer bottles, pizza boxes, empty cracker sleeves and crumpled soda cans littering every last surface. There was laundry piled high and some towels draped over chair corners—a bookshelf crammed so tight with books it was about to burst. More books and magazines were stacked errantly on the coffee table, on top of the old TV, and on the floor next to the couch. "Sorry, uh, I was just cleaning up," Chuck mumbled, grabbing three empty beer bottles up off his coffee table and then brushing some pizza crumbs off the corner of his kitchen table with his elbow as he passed it on his way to the trash can. "Check it out!" he said, and indicated, proudly, a piece of paper that proclaimed Wedding Officiant on the fridge. "Just printed it off." He crossed his arms and sighed happily at the piece of paper, then looked at Cas and Alex, who were standing there sort of awkwardly. "So... how are you?" Chuck asked—as if he wouldn't already know, being the prophet-author guy that he was.

Alex was sort of beyond words at the moment—both amazed at the way Chuck kept his house (it seemed worse than the last time she'd been here) and fighting the urge to pass out from the neurotic butterflies in her stomach. "Good, great," she said distractedly, noticing how there was a spoon coated in what looked like spaghetti sauce stuck to an open book's pages on the couch. Literally stuck. She looked at Chuck and realized she should probably return the polite gesture. "How… how are you?"

Chuck made a face as if to convey that thinking about how he was stressed him out. "Ah, you know. I barely ever sleep and I feel like my body's falling apart; my new neighbor is kinda weird, plus I'm really tired of writing but it never seems to end…" he trailed off and cleared his throat, attempting a casual smile. "So—uh… fine, fine, how are you?" He paused, remembering. "I already asked you that."

Alex was getting overwhelmed. She took the bag Cas was holding from him, drawing a curious look. The room felt very hot and everyone seemed to be looking at her. She needed a minute. "Hey Chuck, where's your bathroom? I have to change. And puke." She paused and made a face, conceding that she hadn't thought that statement through. "Probably not in that order."

Chuck had grown wary. "Down the hall, to the left."

Alex scurried away in that direction, to the staircase and then to the right, leaving Cas to watch. He stood a little straighter and craned his neck to watch her exit. Confused concern had flooded his face. "Is she ill?" Cas asked, anxiously looking at Chuck for an answer. "Should we get some medicine, or—"

Chuck patted Cas on the shoulder. "I think it's just nerves, Cas. Have a seat, relax." Cas looked like he'd rather not, especially when he saw the book that was on the couch with a spoon stuck to it. Chuck followed his gaze. "Uh… lemme, just…" Chuck trailed off in slight flustered embarrassment and picked it up then hurriedly closed it, spoon and all. He tossed it onto the coffee table. With a great, resigned sigh, Cas took a seat on the couch and tensely alternated between staring at the floor and peering up in the direction of the staircase, where Alex had disappeared. He clasped his hands, then re-clasped them, then did it again, seeming to be dissatisfied each time with the way his hands rested together. Like he was nervous, maybe. Chuck watched him with growing quiet affection that he hid beneath a polite smile when Cas glanced his way.

---

Down the hall, Alex shut herself into the bathroom and expelled a shaking breath, tossing the plastic bag down onto the sink before she leaned there. Her adrenaline was rushing and her stomach churned with anticipation. She shut her eyes, trying to calm herself down. You'd think she was dreading this or something. It wasn't exactly that, it just felt huge and momentous and permanent, three things that scared her. She didn't know anyone who had been able to hold onto the one they loved: not Dad, who lost Mom. Not Bobby, who'd lost Karen. Not Sam, who lost Jess. Not Dean, who had never tried to hold onto anyone for more than a few weeks at a time because he didn't want to chance it. Still… Alex was apparently going to try and hold onto Cas. She was going to ignore the dire odds.

Her eyes flickered downward at the plastic bag she'd brought into the bathroom with her. In it, the cream-colored, almost-white dress Cas had spotted in the thrift shop window next to a gas station. It wasn't a wedding dress. She hadn't even tried it on. But he'd spotted it and asked, wasn't white the tradition? Yeah, it was. And on a whim, she'd bought it, figuring what the hell, why not.

Alex looked herself in the mirror and searched her own face, hunting for what it was that he loved about her. Where was it? The thing that drew him to her? She saw a youthful face and big greenish eyes and a peppering of freckles. She saw long nights and hard work and cynicism tempered by naivety. She saw lonely years that were drawing to a close. She saw someone who had been given a love story. Her fingers traced thoughtfully against her own neck above where her vocal chords laid. Even before she'd ever seen him or heard his name, he'd loved her. She knew that and it was totally overwhelming. An angel, a fierce being from another world loved her.

Alex remembered a day two years ago when the strange, handsome man in a trench coat had walked into her life under a shower of sparks. She'd never been the same since, and neither had he. And now this.

Out there in Chuck's living room, he waited: her guardian angel, her once silent and invisible protector, her defender and her hero and her friend. Her heart turned a somersault at the thought of him. He was out there waiting for her to marry him. This was a total act of trust—because love was giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting them not to. And she trusted Cas. She trusted him completely. Really, she was going to do this for him when it came down to it... because she would have been all right with staying what they were, but this was what he very obviously wanted and the world was about to end so... what the hell? She didn't not want it...

Alex took in another deep breath and shut her eyes then breathed out slowly, listening to the soft expulsion of her own air.

Tell me you love me, she'd asked him earlier that day.

I do. I love you.

For how long?

Forever.

Alex opened her eyes again and pulled the bag with the thrift store find closer, peering down into it. That was the dress she was going to get married in. She looked up into the mirror, repeating the thought in her mind with an astounded smile coming across her face as she thought about that. Her inner turmoil lessened as her romantic side experienced a thrill.

This is the dress I am going to get married in.

---

In Chuck's living room Castiel was no longer sitting on the couch. He was pacing back and forth while frowning around the room. He kept looking back toward where Alex had gone. Sitting on the couch, Chuck could only take so much of the angel's stiff back-and-forth march.

"She's just nervous, Cas," the author told him, cracking open a cold can soda. Cas had refused refreshment, but Chuck was thirsty. "Relax, will ya? Come sit back down."

"Yes, certainly," Cas said without emotion and sat down—not relaxing in the least, sitting there beside Chuck rigidly in obvious distress. He was silent for a long beat then his eyebrows worked together a little more and he looked at Chuck with that ever-present apprehension. "I feel nervous too, Chuck."

The author chuckled softly, fondly. "That's normal. A lot of people get nervous before they tie the knot."

Castiel looked at Chuck oddly. "What knot?" Chuck stifled a chuckle. Cas seemed to decide it didn't matter. "I... just want what's best for her." He stared at the floor, his deep frown becoming a concerned expression. "Am I what's best?" The question seemed to dismay the angel. In a very human gesture, Cas let out a heavy breath and put his face into his hand.

Chuck smiled softly, because he couldn't help it. He was especially fond of this one. He knew Cas had grown a lot since he'd last seen him, but witnessing it in person was pretty amazing. Chuck leaned forward over his own knees and attempted to console Cas, whose care and love for Alex was a rare kind of devotion that would become legend. "I wrote your story, or I'm telling it anyway, and... at the very least, I know there's no one else out there who will ever love her like you do, Cas." And it was true. Chuck knew Cas cherished Alex in every sense of the word.

Appearing only faintly comforted at Chuck's words, Cas looked at the floor again, his shoulders slouching, his voice flat and guilty. He shook his head in great chagrin. "I can't seem to stop fornicating with her, Chuck."

"Uh..." Chuck paused. So it was going to go there. "I know, buddy," the author said sympathetically and pat-patted Cas's shoulder awkwardly, getting a what are you doing frown from the angel. Chuck cleared his throat and took his hand away. "Be that as it may... I think we both know that's not really the reason you want to marry her, is it?" He looked at Cas knowingly.

"No." Castiel admitted. "It's not the only reason." He paused, considering. "It... feels right to me." His tone suggested he didn't know if he should allow himself to feel that way.

"Maybe that's because it is," Chuck encouraged, smiling softly again and watching Cas deliberating sidelong. He was proud of Cas's character development. The guy still had a long way to go and a pretty complicated arc… but man, how far he'd come. The author took a sip of his soda.

Cas drew in a breath, thinking again, his eyes going back and forth slowly over the space between his feet. "She's afraid, Chuck." The angel looked at Chuck solicitously, like he was asking for help knowing what to do what that information. "She told me that she felt afraid. How is it that I can help her be less afraid?"

Chuck pondered a minute, pulling a thoughtful face as he tapped a finger against the metallic soda can. It seemed really simple to him. "Just… be there for her. Let her know you care." He paused for a second. "I mean, as sappy as it sounds, just knowing someone's with you helps a lot." Cas took that advice in with a squinting frown as Chuck continued to muse aloud. "It's a big thing you two are about to do. Fear, is… it's normal. I mean I'm scared all the time. Bills, talking to women, leaving the house, stop signs—I never know whose damn turn it is—it's all really scary."

Cas nodded although he didn't look entirely convinced. He appeared to be thinking about something else now, but he hesitated to ask. "Can I ask you something else, Chuck?"

"Sure, Cas. Anything."

"This may be an inappropriate question," Cas started, visibly becoming a little uncomfortable. His gaze fell away from Chuck's tellingly. "But is it normal… during... intercourse… for her to make sounds like she's dying?"

Chuck sputtered and almost spit his soda everywhere. "Whoa, Cas—uh—um…" Ah, get it together Chuck. Tell Cas how it is. "Okay, look. It's supposed to be noisy during... that, all right?" Chuck was turning a little red and he dipped his head low, rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. "According to the movies I watch, anyway." He paused, thinking about it. "Then again, I think most of those women are faking it."

Castiel was listening with intense, stern attention. "Faking what?"

Chuck shrugged his hands out and gave Cas a wide eyed come on, you know this look. When Cas only looked further confused Chuck had to swallow his awkwardness. "You know." Apparently, Cas didn't. "It. It, Cas." Still no understanding in Cas's face. "The grand finale? The, the big finish?" Chuck got flustered when Cas's eyes narrowed further in misunderstanding. "The orgasm, Cas, the orgasm!" he hissed in an intense, secretive whisper as he looked around as if they were being watched.

Understanding crossed Cas's face. "Why didn't you just say that to begin with?"

Chuck scratched himself under the chin in discomfort, because this whole conversation was weird. "Ah… uh… this is making me kinda uncomfortable," he said while looking around his living room and trying to find something to do, some way of escaping this little exchange. It came to him and he slapped his hands down onto his knees. "You know what?" He stood up. "I think I'll go pick some wildflowers out of the back yard for your fiancée." It was her wedding day, after all, right? Every bride needed flowers.

Cas stood up quickly, his face registering an urgency that Chuck found strange. "No, I should do that."

"Uh… okay. Back yard's through there," Chuck said, indicating the back door.

Cas went there and paused, turning back to Chuck. "You're sure those sounds aren't something negative?" he asked, and Chuck was a little on the mortified side with what Cas said next in his typical worried tone. "She's always been very loud." He paused and clarified himself with unnecessary reiteration. "Very. Loud."

Chuck sighed and put a hand to his forehead for a moment, fed up and a little amused and not sure if Alex would appreciate this little exchange. But Cas was asking so innocently that Chuck had to give a straight-faced answer. "You have nothing to worry about, Cas," he said patiently. "The more... sounds... you can get outta her, the better. Okay? Go nuts." He gave Cas a pointed little look and smile. "Now go pick those flowers, Cas. Also, keep that information about Alex's… vocal tendencies to yourself, okay? Just trust me on this one."

Cas nodded slowly, taking in the advice he'd been given. "Thank you, Chuck." And with that, the angel in the trench coat exited to Chuck's back yard.

"Oh me." Chuck folded his arms and rubbed a hand across his face. "Can't believe I just gave sex advice to a freakin' angel," he muttered to himself. "Add that to my resumé." He chuckled and shook his head in good-natured ruefulness as he realized that ordaining the first ever marriage of an angel to a human was also resumé worthy.

They were an odd couple, Cas and Alex—emotionally childlike warriors, pariahs in their individual worlds. Alex's life could have turned lesser women to shells or machines, but Alex? She remained strong because she allowed herself the honesty of emotional vulnerability. And then there was Cas, the soldier who had seen all of history and time and space—he was a merciless force of nature yet was curious and kind at heart. He'd been created for a heavenly purpose and yet had found his own path... there was something beautiful and sacred about that. They were both special; him among angels and her among humans. They spoke the same language, a language all their own.

It was Chuck's favorite kind of love story. The kind that no one had seen coming. Well, not no one. He smiled to himself.

---

Alex Winchester hadn't ever been the kind of girl who had imagined her own wedding day or played dress-up; she'd never even pictured herself as a bride.

She'd been to one wedding her entire life—it had been more than twenty years ago and she barely remembered it. She and Sam had been really young, maybe five or six, Dean was nine or ten. Dad had left the three of them with a nice couple—old family friends—for a few weeks while he went on a hunt. This couple had taken the three Winchester children to a friend's wedding. Alex remembered being really unsure about what was happening, sitting in the back of a church as the ceremony dragged on. Then she'd understood toward the end that the nice lady in the pretty white dress and the man in the black outfit were promising, in front of everyone, to be together forever. Then the pastor had said something like, "to cleave to each other for the rest of their lives and leave their families, therefore uniting in…" 'Leave their families' had been the only thing she'd heard and Alex had looked at her big brother Dean, who was bored stiff. She'd been suddenly upset at the idea that someday some lady in a white dress would come and take Dean away from her. Alex, a kid who didn't understand it better at the time, had decided she would marry Dean and maybe Sam too so that they could always be together and never have to leave their family. Nowadays she wasn't sure if her thinking that at the time was cute or creepy. But one part of that memory stuck with her. Two people promising forever. She could do that. She could picture forever with Cas. And today, she was going to promise the rest of her life to him. However long that might be. However scary it was. If it was with him, it would be okay.

If she had ever been the kind of girl who dreamed of weddings, nothing she ever could have imagined would have been like this… a whirlwind romance with a centuries old angel… a seemingly guilt-induced proposal with much more behind it than she'd thought at first… and then this, deciding to elope in the eleventh hour. Most women who got married probably knew their wedding day months and months in advance. She'd only realized it a couple hours ago when she'd said yes.

Alex wiggled around in Chuck's tiny bathroom and managed to zip the dress up the back with some creative maneuvering, then straightened it. All she had were her camel-colored work boots. They didn't really match the dress but she guessed it didn't really matter. If Cas hadn't spotted this dress at that thrift shop, she would have married him in jeans and flannel.

Alex turned around to look herself in the mirror with the dress on for the first time. Momentarily, she halted, genuinely surprised at how much she liked it, how pretty it was, how kind of perfect it was for her. It hit her all over again: this was real. Slowly, she smoothed the dress while looking herself over in the mirror. Wow. Was she dreaming this?

The dress was the softest ivory and covered in stretchy lace. The hem went to her lower thigh. It had a high, gathered waist and a modest scoop neckline, quarter-length sheer-lace sleeves. It had discreet little functioning pockets on either side of the dress which were hidden unless you went looking for them. Tiny little white-thread loops stuck out on either side of her waist where a belt was supposed to go, she guessed. This must be some kind of summer dress—it definitely wasn't supposed to be a wedding dress. But that's exactly what it was gonna be.

Looking herself over carefully, she decided that her tousled, unbrushed hair left something to be desired. She raked her fingers through the mess. What could she do with it? What would Cas like? She didn't even know how to do much except a ponytail or a braid… wait, there was an idea. Alex squinted into the mirror, her face becoming concentrated as she pulled all of her hair over onto one shoulder and then smoothed down the part at the top of her head, beginning to braid a small section loosely from the temple of her head to the nape of her neck. She hadn't done this in awhile. It came back to mind and her fingers remembered how after a couple false starts.

Funny story about how she knew how to braid her hair at all—without a mom, Alex had always had terrible hair as a kid—her dad hadn't even known how to do a basic ponytail let alone anything else, and so she'd grown up not knowing how to do anything with her dark brown mane at all. She'd either have it down and bedraggled, or in a lumpy, uneven excuse for a ponytail. After Dean saw Alex getting made fun of for "ugly hair" by some little girls with sleek ponytails and pretty braids, Dean had gotten his girlfriend at the time to show him how to do a few basic things—including ponytails and braids. He'd then turned right around and taught Alex what he'd learned. He swore Alex to secrecy about it. Oh Dean. Alex stopped braiding for a second, feeling deep sadness at the thought of him.

She wished so badly that he were here for this. Dean was her big brother, her best friend and rock. Or, he had been. Right now, he was holding her at arm's length. And maybe she was doing the same. She had lost so much faith in him recently when he did what he promised he never would. He'd left and tried to say yes to Michael, then shoved her and hurt her and been mean to her and horrible to Cas. How had things disintegrated between them like this? Castiel was part of the reason that she and Dean were so at odds and she knew that. Hopefully Dean would forgive her for doing this without him there to be a part of it. If he ever found out. She returned to braiding her hair with a note of somberness. The world might be over in a couple weeks, after all.

And Sam. She thought of Sam. Oddly enough, she knew that her twin would understand this, to a degree. In fact, she'd sooner tell him than Dean, given the choice. He'd get this in a way Dean wouldn't… and she just knew that instinctively. Sam would probably be surprised, a little worried, but also respectful of her decision. He'd tell her he was happy for her, he'd wish them the best, and maybe jokingly threaten Cas's life if he ever hurt Alex. Not having her brothers here for this was hard to think about. But this was about her and Cas, she reminded herself. Not her brothers, not anyone else. Dad came to mind abruptly and Alex paused, feeling another twinge of uncertain sadness. Dads were supposed to be there on wedding days. Dads were supposed to do a lot of things hers hadn't.

Alex shook her head as if to make the thoughts go away. This wasn't the day to mourn what was lost. Today was… something good. Something kind of crazy but good. She reached the end of her little braid and checked it in the mirror. It went from the temple of her forehead down the side of her head and rounded out loosely into the rest of her hair, which was swept to the side. It looked fancier than normal, at least. Kind of nice, she guessed. Either way, this was as good as it was going to get. This was the final product. How long had she been in here anyway? She wasn't sure. She'd kind of dragged her feet, finding some disposable razors and shaving her legs stone-age slow, then she freshened herself up because weddings had wedding nights, right? That thought made her inexplicably nervous and dizzy and excited.

She needed to get through the wedding part first and had no idea what to expect as far as that was concerned. Hopefully Chuck had that handled. She had no clue. Alex smoothed the dress down over her stomach needlessly, nerves getting the best of her. There was nothing left to do but go do this thing. She turned, setting her eyes on the closed door. Okay. Just… go out there. Her mouth pursed to the side indecisively and she narrowed her eyes at the door knob. It wasn't just a door. It was her whole future. His whole future. …Their whole future. She reached her hand out, forcing herself to just open the damn door… but found her hand stopped and hovered just above the knob.

There was abruptly a soft but startling knock on the bathroom door and she jumped back slightly. "Alex?" Chuck's voice.

Immediately, she assumed the worst. Castiel had decided to go. Chuck was there to tell her the bad news. Alex cracked the door open just a little, looking at the author apprehensively. Chuck looked back with expectant worry. "You okay in there?" He saw her expression and explained himself. "I'm just checking on you. He was worried."

"Oh." He was worried. Of course he was. Relief translated into a little I'm stupid smile as she looked down, almost laughing at herself but too flustered by her internal thoughts to manage quite right. She opened the door fully, but didn't move out of the bathroom.

Chuck took in her appearance and smiled fondly, sort of like she thought a father might look at his child. Like he was proud of her. "You look great. Really beautiful, Alex."

Inexplicably, she felt bashful under his praise and turned her head down a little. "Uh, thanks, Chuck."

"So… you… gonna come out, or...?"

Alex worried her lower lip and lowered her voice. "Chuck… should I do this?"

Chuck's face softened into an encouraging hell yeah smile. "Absolutely you should. I mean I've been shipping you guys before you two even knew each other's names!"

She faltered, squinting in confusion. "What? 'Shipping' us? Like... in the mail?"

His eyebrows rose in amusement, then Chuck let out a little whoop of laughter. "You just had a Cas moment," he exclaimed, seeming greatly amused and approving. Alex was totally lost and Chuck composed himself. "Uh… it's an internet thing. Anyway. Your question, uh… I'm just the writer. Your story is up to you." He smiled with great knowing. "But... I think we both know you want it to include him as a permanent main character, don't you?" There was a certain sort of cheekiness that Chuck was displaying now. He leaned closer, slightly conspiratorial. "By the way?" he asked. "That time you asked me if you and Cas would ever be a thing?" He pulled a falsely humble face. "I miiight have acted a little less informed than I actually was. Pretty sure you guys have always been endgame, if I'm telling the whole truth."

Alex felt herself smiling and gaping at him at once. He looked so pleased with himself, too. "You little twerp," she accused fondly.

Chuck shrugged, smiling widely as he excused himself. "Spoilers." His eyes slid to his right, indicating that she should look where he was looking. "He's waiting for you." Her stomach flip-flopped. "So just come on out whenever you're ready." Chuck gave her another little smile then headed back toward the living room. Alex listened to the sound of his slippers scuffing along the hardwood floor and waited until it sounded like he turned the corner into the living room.

Her heart was beating fast again. Was this real? Alex put her hands on either side of the door frame, drawing and then releasing a steadying breath from a small circle she made with her lips. She waited a few more seconds and closed her eyes, gathering her courage. She opened her eyes back up. It was time. Still holding the door frame, she leaned forward just a little and peeked just her head out of the door, craning her neck slightly to look down the hall.

There he was. Her heart stuttered and tumbled and caught all at once.

He stood by the end of the staircase at the very end of the hallway about fifteen feet away. In one of his hands he held a single daisy. On his face an anxious look was holding steady—he'd been staring at the doorway and the second she peeked her head out, their eyes met. Her lips softened into a smile and all the fears about him leaving fell away immediately. He looked so handsome waiting there like that... and it was like falling in love all over again for Alex as she took in his trench coat and messy hair and careworn face, his awkward posture, the look on his face when he saw her. Slowly, Alex came out of the bathroom. When saw her fully as she came out of hiding, his expression fell away into something much softer. He appeared almost nervous as she went to him one slow and careful booted step at a time. All she heard was her own heartbeat and the floor creaking as she crossed the distance to him. Her stomach was yet again full of manic butterflies.

Cas remained glued to the floor and maybe more stunned than she was. She reached him, stood there, and asked him silently, well? She impulsively did a 360-degree turn and then, not sure how to end the awkward twirl, she shrugged.

"You are…" he seemed lost for words, "beautiful." Alex never blushed. But at his compliment, her cheeks and neck burned hot and a little bashful, flustered smile popped up onto her lips. She tucked some hair behind her ear. He looked like a little boy who was handing his crush a hopeful love note when he held the tiny little daisy in his hand out to her. "I… found this for you."

Her heart swelled as she took it, her fingertips brushing against his as she accepted the sweet and unexpected gift. "Thanks, Cas." Chancing a glance into his eyes, she tucked the little flower into the braid beside her ear. When she was done, her other hand went to his, which waited. Their eyes held a few beats longer and then, both seeing the soft beckoning and shy desire in the others eyes, they leaned in, holding hands and both thinking the same thing.

"Hey, not yet!"

The would-be kiss was cut off when Chuck's voice startled them—Alex pulled away from Cas and their hands came apart. Chuck was standing there like a creeper while wearing his reading glasses—he had a good-natured scolding look on his face. "Not before the I Do," he lectured playfully. He had a stack of papers from his printer in his arm and appeared as if he were ready to get the show on the road. He looked down at the papers, then seemed to notice what he was wearing and grabbed at his bathrobe, frowning. "Uh… hold that thought. I need to go put on some pants."

"No Chuck, it's fine," Alex said. What difference would pants make? "Let's just do this thing."

Chuck abruptly looked nervous, his eyes darted to Cas, he wet his lips, then he shrugged. "All right. Okay!" He cleared his throat, adjusted his reading glasses, then hesitated. "Right here?" he asked. They were standing beside the staircase with the living room beside them.

"No, how about in the coat closet," Alex wisecracked.

For a second both Cas and Chuck thought she was serious, then Chuck's face registered understanding. "Ah," he said. "Sarcasm. Okay, so right here, then." He straightened his papers. "Well. Uh, you two hold hands, all right?"

Their eyes locked and Cas offered his hands to her palm-up. This was it. In a trance, Alex slid her hands into his, taking hold. Her heart was a hummingbird, her emotions were so near the surface that she was teary-eyed for no reason at all. Breathe. Just breathe. Cas's thumb stroked her hand gently and his gaze continued to hold hers. Internally she vowed that she would never let him go. Ever.

Chuck fumbled around with his gathered papers. "Sorry guys, I don't even know what all I have here," he said, looking down his nose and through his glasses at the jumbled print-outs. "Just a default marriage ceremony. I might have to edit as we go." He cleared his throat again. "Well. Let's do this." He took in a deep breath and began to read aloud from the page. "'We are gathered here today in the presence of…'" he paused and squinted. "No one. Well, each other I guess. To, uh, marry the two of you crazy kids." He paused, scanning the paper. "It says I'm supposed to give some kind of anecdote about marriage and what it means." He paused, distinctly unprepared. "Uh, my parents divorced when I was eight. And they hated each other a lot. But... some marriages work, I've heard." Alex gave Chuck a weird, half-amused look and Chuck shrugged. "Okay, umm… it says… tell the story of how the bride and groom came to know each other. Huh, hang on a second. I actually have just the thing!" He leaned into the living room and yanked a book off the bookshelf there, holding it up for emphasis. Alex recognized it as one of the Supernatural books. "No Rest for the Wicked," Chuck explained, opening the book and flipping through on a hunt for a specific page. "Cas's very first appearance… ah ha. Uh, so this is kinda dark but… what the hell, right?"

Chuck began to read to them. "'In the room with Dean's dead, Hellhound shredded body, Alex was huddled down against the wall, arms around her knees, tears soaking her face. Utter grief overtook her and nothing seemed to make sense anymore. Her oldest brother was dead, and she felt afraid. Alone. But Alex didn't know that with her, a form of light and power abided. The angel Castiel, invisible to humans and without substance or ability of touch, sensation, or a physical form, watched over her. He saw his young charge crying and wished, for the first time, to have the ability to reach out, to touch. He'd seen humans rest a hand upon a shoulder to comfort the other. Alex was suddenly startled by a strange feeling of being watched, of being accompanied, and for a moment, she looked around the room, clutching herself tightly, deeply afraid. Unaware that she was in the presence of the angel who would become her champion, her friend, her ally… and more.'" Chuck stopped, smiling down at the page fondly, then up at them. "Safe to say this is the 'more' part, huh?"

Alex marveled helplessly at Cas's hands holding hers. Warm hazel found deep cobalt and something profound welled between the two people as their gazes embraced. Yes. It was safe to say this was the 'more' part.

"So, that's the first appearance Castiel made within the story," Chuck said, closing the book. "And we all know when Alex first saw you, Cas, she shot at you." He looked at Alex and there was an impish, fond smile on his lips that reached his eyes. "You little firecracker."

Alex was looking at Cas, not Chuck, a sort of chastened, playful smile coming across her face despite all of the deep emotion. "Never did say sorry about that," she said, her smile fading into nostalgia. She tightened her hands in his just a little. Shouldn't you recognize the love of your life right away? She hadn't. Cas was returning her gaze with soft, full eyes.

"He wasn't mad about it," Chuck volunteered, looking through some more books. "A little confused… but that's kinda his M.O., don't you think?" He found another Supernatural book and flipped through it on the search for another excerpt. "Ooh, yes—Heaven and Hell." He smiling crookedly down at the pages. "This is Cas and Alex's first official meeting, you ready?" He appeared really excited about this one and took in a deep, exuberant breath before he started.

"'Underneath moonlight, Castiel prepared to show himself for the first time to Dean and Alex Winchester. The hunters waited beyond the closed doors the angel stood in front of. And Castiel thought about what this moment would allow him. About who was on the other side of those doors. Her. With this thought racing through his veins, he raised a hand, commanding the bolted doorway to surrender to him—the wooden beam began to buckle as the doors trembled under his building power. Wind began to gust and the entire warehouse shook. He would finally know what she looked like through human eyes. And she would see him. A thought that left a strange sensation in him. Was that apprehension he was feeling? Worry? He pushed away the thought and willed more power to channel through himself to drown out his musings. The door burst open at his command.

Inside the dark warehouse, a veil of sparks showered down like an electric rain. The pulses of popping light illuminated three human figures. His eyes went straight to the one with long brown hair. There she was. She clutched a shotgun and gaped at him with outright awed fear. For a moment, Castiel felt the same way: Too afraid and too awed to move at all. But he had his mission and commands. So he forced himself to bypass the feelings and with his new human legs, he began to cross the distance between them. He saw Dean Winchester, he saw Bobby Singer. But he looked at Alex. He barely felt all the ammunition that began to pummel into him—he understood they did not yet grasp who he was. He had expected this. So he kept moving forward, undeterred. And when he stood face to face with Dean and Alex, in the most secret place in his mind, he did recognize the feeling that seeing his charge in the flesh put inside of him. It was pure, unadulterated wonder. He was, in a word: captivated.'"

Chuck peeked up from the pages, a dreamy little smile on his face. "He was so much more into you than he let on," he reflected, then sighed wistfully at the couple holding hands. He paged through the book, hunting for a specific passage. "Ah, here's another one of my favorites. This wasn't too long after your first meeting, if I'm remembering right." He glanced through, trying to find the best place to start. "Alastair, demons, uhhh… here it is.

'Anna shouted for them to shut their eyes, and the room began to blaze a dangerous burning white. Castiel's head whipped up—he was on the floor face-down, filled with pain from Alastair's attack. But his pain didn't matter. He looked to Alex who was in a state of human shock—she wasn't shutting her eyes, she was injured badly, sprawled onto the floor, and struggling to breathe. Anna's Grace was beginning to sear the room. Alex would be blinded if she didn't shut her eyes and look away. A feeling like no other rose in Castiel, who dragged himself over to her with more quickness he'd known himself capable of and all but slammed his hand over her eyes to protect her. He felt how she was startled at the touch, but she didn't pull away. In fact, when he pulled her closer to him, attempting to cover her with his vessel, she blindly grabbed ahold of the front of his shirt. A feeling he had never felt struck him. This feeling was soft, warm, it seemed to reach out to her on a plane of existence he didn't know of, and it originated in the place under his ribs, in the left of his chest. What was this? There was a sound like an explosion, and then wind gusted over them, as if a tornado had torn through the place. The light died away and Castiel, stunned for reasons he didn't understand, let his hand come away from Alex's eyes. She blinked rapidly, looking up at him through her striking hazel eyes, and he was yet again entranced with her in a way he didn't fathom. She seemed very surprised, or maybe afraid, and let go of his shirt… and then she suddenly grimaced and made a whimper of pain. Alarm stabbed through Castiel, its intensity frightening him.

Nearby Dean was bellowing something at the demons, but Castiel could only focus on her—her ribs were broken, it wasn't fatal but it was very serious and very painful… but he wasn't supposed to heal her unless it was life threatening. A desperate, broken groan of pain came from deep inside of her throat and that feeling of alarm skyrocketed in Castiel. He felt his face change and respond to heightening emotion. He glanced briefly at Uriel, then back at Alex. She needed what he could give. And without more thought about it, Castiel reached out, laid his hand on her ribcage, and their eyes locked as he did so. What are you doing, she seemed to wonder. As he let healing cover her broken bones, her features softened into stunned relief. He felt how her ribs rose and fell with breath beneath his hand and Castiel realized then what he'd always known, but it resonated with him on a startling new level: She was alive but wouldn't always be—she was fragile, fleeting, important and special and he knew it but wasn't sure how to explain it even within his own mind… then he realized he had finished healing her, yet his hand remained there on the warmth of her body needlessly. Somehow, the thought of keeping it there appealed to him. So he pulled his hand away and abruptly left her side, unsettled by these things which he did not understand. He would dwell on that moment for a long time to come.'"

Castiel listened to Chuck read that with a soft look of reflection on his features and then met Alex's waiting gaze. Their eyes said it all. Chuck, sort of oblivious to their deeply emotional silent conversation, snapped the book closed. "Kinda cool, having all your greatest hits written down, huh?" he asked, pleased at their reactions.

He grabbed another volume. "This one is from Meet the Parents. Your little trip back to the seventies. I never published this one, actually." He cleared his throat. "'There came a moment for Alex when she realized. That her feelings for Cas were unlike what she had felt for anyone, ever before. They were deeply affectionate and fond in nature, curious, somehow protective even though she knew he wielded more power than she could even comprehend. And for Alex, who trusted little and denied herself much, the growing need to know this angel frightened her. She knew what it meant, and she thought of how a blind man touches the face of another: gentle and exploratory in a quest to understand. That action was done not out of necessity but out of the deep compulsion to know, to satisfy some unnamable curiosity. And this was how Alex felt about Cas. Inexplicably drawn to reach out to him... to see who he was. In nineteen seventy-nine, in a honeymoon suite somewhere in Kansas… Alex knew. She was in love with her guardian angel. And there would never, ever be any going back from that.'"

A tear rolled down Alex's cheek from the emotion that the words made her feel, and Cas wiped it away without thought. She reassured him with a tight little smile and he took her hand again. It felt like they were both holding onto each other for dear life now somehow.

Chuck smiled softly as he watched them. "I could read excerpts from these all day but I hate my own writing and you get the basic idea." He tossed the novel back in the general direction of the living room and returned his attention to the marriage ceremony printouts. "So… what page was I… dammit." He dropped all the papers on the floor and scrambled to pick them back up. "Ah-ha. Okay." He attempted to sound serious and proper. "'Marriage is based on love. True love is rare to find in the world. Many philosophers have asked what love is.' Call me crazy, but I think the two of you know. But I'll read this thing anyway." Chuck paused for effect. "'Love is patient and love is kind; love is not jealous or boastful. It is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own selfish way; it is not easily angered, it does not rejoice in wrong, but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." Chuck seemed to feel like he was finally hitting his stride. "That's why we're here today," he said, using his own words. "Because the two of you have found… in this crazy, brutal, fucked up—err, sorry, screwed up—world… a love like they wrote about since the beginning of time." He glanced down at his paper.

'"Marriage is many things," he continued, "but it's not something that should be entered in to lightly.' Well yeah. One look at the divorce rate should tell you that much," he muttered, then immediately apologized for the interjection. "Sorry. Uh… 'we are here today to bear witness as you commit your lives to one another before God and man." He chuckled at that line for reasons that remained unexplained. "I ask you both to consider what you're entering in to with wise and guarded hearts that are fully aware of—'" He made a face. "Sheesh, who wrote these? Sorry guys. 'Speak in truth… spirit of faithful engagement... solemn declaration... bind you together,' blah blah blah… ah, here it is. The important part." He cleared his throat and looked at Cas with a note of somberness. "Cas... repeat after me."

Chuck then led them both in an exchange of vows. They took turns repeating the following to each other: Wherever you go, I will go. Whatever you face, I will face. For the better or for the worse in all circumstances, I take you as my own. For richer or for poorer. In sickness, and in health. From this day forward and for the rest of my days, I choose you.

"Now's the ring part…" Chuck murmured. "'The wedding ring is a symbol of eternity. It is an outward sign of—'" he stopped abruptly. "Wait, do you guys even have rings?"

Mildly disconcerted, Alex hadn't even thought about that. Looking at her hand, Dad's silver wedding band she'd worn for years gleamed back up at her from her index finger. A little bittersweet, she smiled down at it. "Yeah, actually," she said, and slipped it off, placing it into Cas's hand and closing his fingers over it. He seemed very surprised at the gesture. It wouldn't fit him, she'd had it resized for her finger years ago—and besides, they both already knew this had to stay a secret, at least for awhile, so him wearing it wasn't even a thing, but… she smiled at Cas and shrugged a little. "You can keep it in your pocket?"

"I have nothing to give in return," he said, looking at her gift with a pained expression. With his other hand, he reached into his coat pocket, trying to find something. Anything. Out came a single penny. He looked at it somberly, seeming to be very disappointed. "It's... all I have with me."

To her, a penny from Cas was better than all the diamonds in the world. "I'll take it," Alex said, and held her hand. He appeared to be a little disconcerted about it, but carefully placed the penny into her hand. She put it into the little pocket of her dress. Cas saw that he was supposed to follow suit and took her father's ring and put it into the pocket of his trench coat, then took her waiting hands again. They looked at Chuck for guidance.

"Well. Good enough, I guess," the author said. "Okay, so… 'because you have desired each other in marriage and pledged your love and faith to each other, sealing your vows in the giving and receiving of…' a ring that doesn't fit and a penny... by the power vested in me by the internet… 'I hereby proclaim that you are husband and wife in the sight of God.'" He gave them quite the self-satisfied, cheeky smile and paused. When they stared at him for further instruction, Chuck gestured like they should already know. "Kiss now, kiss!"

Oh. Mutually dumbstruck by soft and tender emotion, they closed the distance. One of Cas's hands came up to touch the side of her hair as the kiss lingered sweetly. A little plastic snapping sound and a burst of light startled them and they pulled apart to see that Chuck had produced a little disposable camera out of his bathrobe pocket. "Kodak moment," he grinned.

Cas of course frowned and asked what a Kodak was.

---

That Night
Sioux Falls, South Dakota
The Oaks Hotel

Three hundred miles later Alex switched on the light in the dark motel room—beside the queen sized bed, a lamp came on to softly illuminate the dim room. She kicked her hot boots off, walked barefoot to the dresser, then put down her ammo bag. Behind her, Cas closed the door quietly.

It was like floating on a cloud. Whatever had happened between that kiss and now was a big, beautiful blur. She remembered Chuck had jokingly called them "Mr. and Mrs. Castiel" then trying to give them Twinkies as "wedding cake" and subsequently joking about bringing the kids to visit their Uncle Chuck someday. He'd promised not to tell a soul about the wedding. They thanked him and then left there looking at each other like did we really do that? Cas had asked for a driving lesson ("shouldn't I know how to operate a vehicle?") and Alex couldn't remember ever laughing so hard. He didn't really get the concept of easing the brakes. She recalled the sound of the tires squealing erk erk erk over and over again as he made the SUV lurch forward like it was having a seizure. God, she loved him.

They'd stopped at a mom n' pop diner along one of the highways. He'd had a cheeseburger, she'd opted for chicken fingers. Neither of them had been able to stop smiling, like they had a special little secret all their own. Alex likened them to bumbling and shy little high school sweethearts. They had sat there in that diner booth beside each other instead of across each other, elbows brushing, knees touching. Every time she tried to sneak a glance at him, he was already looking at her.

Now they were here and she was standing at the dresser, her back turned to him as she worried her lower lip inside of her mouth. She heard his soft footsteps approaching her and they were muffled by the carpet. He came up behind her—his trench coat brushed against the backs of her legs, his hands came to touch either of her arms. "What is it?" he asked, sounding concerned. It surprised and warmed her that he knew something was bothering her.

"Nothing," she said automatically, still looking down in thought. Well, it wasn't nothing. "I guess I'm just a little overwhelmed?" To say the least. She bit her lip briefly. "I can't believe…" we got married. "Any of this." She was amazed and scared and couldn't get over the day they'd had.

She snuck a glance up into the dresser mirror and saw them both in the reflection. He had his hands on her arms and was gazing down at the side of her face intently. She smiled a little and crossed her arms over her body to touch each of his hands with hers, eyes on the couple in the mirror. Those people in the mirror had a love story not many people would believe.

Alex turned her head and looked up at him. He searched her eyes deeply. As always, he saw her in ways no one else ever seemed to. She leaned forward, closing her eyes then letting her forehead rest against his chin. Out of everyone else in all the world… he had chosen her. That would always, always amaze her. Alex let him hold her, tightening her hands a little where they still held his. She felt him breathing steadily and after a minute she withdrew and opened her eyes, tilted her chin up, kissing his lips softly, slowly, the promises and vows they'd spoken filtering through her mind once again. The tips of their noses brushed as they drew apart, and then Cas leaned in and sought another kiss—a lingering, slow kiss that conveyed a steadfast conviction. How had they found this? This unshakable connection, this space that only existed between them, this understanding only they possessed. This sacred, profound bond.

His hands began slowly tracing upwards across her arms, the exploratory touch matching the way he kissed her. Her breathing caught and their mouths came apart… she felt the gorgeous warmth of his hands skimming her arms even when they reached the lacy sleeves of the dress she wore. She glanced into the mirror again, watching him, the way he touched her and looked at her. He gazed at her without ceasing, eyes going from the side of her face to the curve of her neck and everywhere in between. His hands stopped at her shoulders then one stayed put and the other moved her hair back from the front of her shoulder, exposing her neck… he leaned down and pressed a soft, lingering and hesitant kiss there just below her ear, closing his eyes briefly as he did so—and the place where his lips touched was like a lightning rod, a small epicenter of abrupt warm feelings that spread under her skin, tickling and comforting and arousing all at once. She melted into his arms languidly. After a moment he drew back to catch her gaze. His eyes were filled with questions, he seemed to be gauging her reaction to the way he'd kissed her neck.

"Again," she told him in a murmur, maintaining eye contact, feeling a newfound and growing confidence in this part of their relationship.

At her soft command, Cas's questioning look faded and he leaned close again, pressing another kiss a little lower on her neck with growing confidence. Her eyes fell closed again and she unconsciously tilted her head, giving him better access. His hands moved down to her waist and she caught one of them in hers, lacing her fingers through his as she hugged herself into him, feeling his warmth radiating. His lips unevenly and slowly trailed kisses on her neck and the top of her shoulder, getting her physically turned on fast without even meaning to. She turned her head toward his, breathing shallowly now. He stopped kissing her, his breathing soft in her ear. She felt one of his hands lightly trace a path down her back, from shoulder blade to the small of her back. A light, inquiring touch that seemed to ask if she wanted more.

She silently answered yes by turning around and circling her arms around his neck, kissing him softly, slowly, deeply, maintaining the slow burn of the encounter, just savoring every small moment and touch. He made the softest little sound as he pulled her against himself with the utmost gentleness. She felt his hands wander to the top middle back part of her dress—he was going to undress her. Their mouths came apart and she stared, totally transfixed by him. They were a breaths distance apart, he watched her with mild apprehensiveness as he slowly tugged the zipper down all the way. His eyes traveled her face, her mouth, her shoulders and bust line as he traced the tips of his fingers down the bare skin of her spine—starting at the nape of her neck to the dip of her backbone—not intending to arouse her, she didn't think, just wanting to feel the pattern—but the way he was looking at her and touching her made her shiver, made her eyes fall closed, made her breathe a little faster and grab onto the front of his shirt. He touched her like she was a piece of art, something to be appreciated and adored at the highest of levels, and it was too amazing to be real.

As his hand came to a stop and rested against the small of her back, Alex opened her eyes back up, touching the side of his face with the backs of her fingers. His deep, oceanic eyes were full of things meant only for her. He touched her face too and pressed his warm lips to hers lingeringly in an innocent, chaste kiss that she smiled against. In that moment, she let go of and forgot her worries, fears, distractions.

He surprised her when he drew his arms back and awkwardly shrugged off his trench coat and jacket at the same time, not breaking the kiss as he did so. The garments hit the floor with a soft sound even as he put a hand to the side of her head, fingers slipping into her hair as their lips came apart. It felt like a dream to her and she wanted more. She reached for his tie and tugged on it, loosening the knot with both hands. He waited until she pulled it off to step just a little closer—chest to chest—and he stroked a hand against the back of her head once as she began to unbutton his shirt and kiss him once, twice, three times, angling her face forty-five degrees right, then left, the right again, exploring his lips with hers as her hands unbuttoned his shirt leisurely. When she loosed the last button, she pushed his shirt open and leaned into him, kissing the hinge of his jaw whisper-soft as she pulled the shirt off by the sleeves, one at a time. Underneath her hands, she could feel the jagged skin where the scar was from the angel sigil he'd carved into himself. Oh Cas. Her devotion to him only seemed to increase tenfold at the thought of what he'd risked for her.

Naked from the waist up, Castiel leaned in and caressed the side of her face then kissed her cheek reverently, pausing to breathe her in. She felt his warmth all the more as his bare chest touched hers through the dress. His hands came to the tops of her shoulders and curled around the neckline of the dress, pulling downward gently, enough that the dress slipped down to pool around her feet. This left her only in white panties and a bra. She barely had a chance to register what he did next: he wrapped an arm around her waist and hefted her up, hooking his other arm behind her knees—sweeping her up easily. He turned them, carrying her the three feet to the bed, looking her in the eye the entire time, his gaze intense. He wanted her. He was going to take her. And he was her husband. These thoughts floored her, and she couldn't stop thinking about the passages Chuck had read to them, back when they'd just been strangers...

Cas settled her down, shifting her easily underneath himself and looking at her face thoroughly, moving some of her hair back from the side of her face. She craned her neck upward to meet his lips with hers, missing his kiss already. There seemed to be no other more intimate moment to her as his lips met hers. He overtook her every sense as his tongue coaxed hers into a slow dance—he had gotten so good at this and it ruined her. A soft, low moan sounded in the base of her throat. He had ruined her forever—she would never, ever be over the effect he had on her. She heard him kicking off his shoes as she ran fingers through his hair. She held on tight as the kiss grew deeper and deeper, more impassioned, more heady. Their groans mingled and his fingers tangled then tightened in the hair at the top of her head. He moved his hips forward, grinding himself down on her purposefully, eliciting a soft gasp of pleasure from them both.

They broke apart and he looked at her with soft eyes for a moment. He seemed to be considering something, and he leaned down, kissing her jawline slowly, curiously. Decisively, he kissed the side of her neck in the same way, then the dip of her clavicle, then the very top swell of her breast where the bra began, making her very uncomfortable in the best way—and slowly, in exploration and fascination and tenderness, he took his time and pressed soft slow kisses against her everywhere—the bend of her arm, the inside of her wrist, the top of her ribs, the curve of her hip bone, the soft give of her stomach, the top of her thigh, the side of her knee, the front of her ankle. His nose dragged against skin as he traversed her, his hands touched her, felt her, and it wasn't in a lustful way. It was worshipful and kind, it was admiring and gentle. Alex remembered the words from No Rest for the Wicked, the ones that had talked about how he'd wanted to touch her. He slowly worked his way back up, doing just that… pausing to gently press his lips to the scars on her stomach. He traced fingers across them, drawing back to look at them, then up at her. She pushed herself up onto her elbows even as he moved up to her and let his mouth crash to hers again with increasing urgency. His hips settled between her legs and she put an arm around his back, pulling on him even as she pressed her hips into his—they both gave a soft, strangled sound at the pressure.

He circled his arms around her middle and pulled her up a little as they continued to kiss. His hands fumbled with the clasp her her bra uselessly, he couldn't seem to figure it out—Alex smiled against his mouth as she reached back deftly with one hand and undid the clasp for him. She laughed lowly—then forgot what was so funny when he pulled the bra off and his warm skin hit against hers. Her laugh turned into a soft little gasp of pleasure, her head fell back as he lowered her down to the bed again while staying body to body the entire time. Oh, he felt so real, so warm, so alive. She felt him tracing his fingers down her neck, across the roundness of her shoulder… and then he boldly let his palm graze against one of her bare breasts, inspiring a moan from her in response to the gentle, exploratory touch. Watching her the whole time to make sure it was all right, he kissed her shoulder—eyes flickered up to hers—he kissed a little lower—his eyes flickered up to hers.

She was breathless in rapt attention, propping herself on an elbow, wondering if he was going to let his mouth touch her there… and just as she wondered, his head bowed low and he kissed the swell of her breast just above the nipple, making her breath catch. Then he moved down a little more, his eyes flicking up to hers constantly and hesitantly. She was biting her lip without really realizing it, holding her breath as he continued. He was experimenting, seeing what sort of touches did what to her. A thrilling rush of deeply abiding love and intensity overcame Alex even as he kissed her nipple directly. She took in a sharp breath at the zinging sensation of those soft lips against the delicate skin. Getting more confident, he kissed it again, softly, then again, but this time he kissed it as if he were kissing her mouth—yet awkwardly and uncertainly, like he'd seen it done but wasn't sure how to do it himself, he let his tongue softly nudge her nipple, he closed his mouth over it and the sight of him doing that was already impossibly hot, but the sensation of his warm tongue moving against the sensitive skin was enough to make her go blind for the smallest second. She gasped involuntarily and grabbed him by the hair. He stopped and withdrew ever so slightly, studying her with dark eyes.

"Is that… pleasing to you?" he asked, further flooring her with the sweet, stilted way he asked. Words didn't seem to come to her… she bit the edge of her mouth and nodded. Um, yes. Pleasing as hell. His pupils were impossibly dilated and she could see how turned on he was, which only turned her on more. He swallowed. "Should I… do the other one?"

The question had a comedic quality to it he hadn't intended and her heart burst, she grinned and the hand she'd fisted into his hair came to rest against the side of his face. He looked up at her expectantly. "Yes please," she murmured, biting back a smile and a laugh and then not needing to do either as he repeated his actions on her other nipple—her head fell back, her mouth fell open, her eyes shut and she made a guttural sound of amazement as she tried not to faint. The warm cave of his mouth on a place she had never realized was so damn hypersensitive drove her to blissful insanity. He paused his actions and in a daze she looked at him, saw that he looked up at her. "I want…" he faltered, went silent.

When he said nothing, she shook her head a little, looking at him with a rapt, questioning gaze. "What?" she asked breathlessly. Anything, Castiel.

He swallowed very slowly—she saw his adam's apple bob. His voice was husky and deep and sent shivers through her, he seemed increasingly hungry and apprehensive at the same time. "I want to touch you."

She swallowed, breath hitching. "You are touching me," she said thickly, wondering if he meant what she thought he might...

"No I mean—" a muscle flexed slowly in his jaw. "Somewhere else."

There was no mistaking the trembling tones of desire in his voice, and her body responded with a barrage of warmth and adrenaline. "Where?" she asked faintly, and he looked up at her silently, saying nothing, seeming instead to be feeling timid. "Show me where," she whispered, voice catching—she almost choked on how much anticipation she was feeling because she thought she knew where he wanted to touch her and oh god she wanted that too. Obeying her prompt slowly, his hand moved from her ribcage over the skin of her stomach, falteringly, achingly slow, trailing down further, and her breathing became increasingly heavier, her eyes shot up to his. He was looking at her, not his hand, watching her reaction to his touch.

His fingers brushed down to the space between her legs where she was the warmest and wettest. "Here," he breathed, even as she involuntarily breathed out a soft groan at the soft pressure of his fingers against where she ached. She moved against his hand slightly without even meaning to—and then his warm, sweet lips came to hers, kissing her softly, achingly, matching the hesitating way he began to rub her through the underwear. Her eyes screwed shut and her eyebrows slammed together. Oh, Castiel, god—she whimpered out nonsensical noises, barely able to kiss him back, losing her mind at his touch which became more and more sure as her reaction spurred him on. It only became more and more wonderfully torturous, what he was doing to her... and then abruptly, his hand moved away, jarring her out of pure bliss. She groaned, frustrated, aching for his touch again, desperate and confused... then she realized what he was doing.

His hand slid down into her underwear and he watched her reaction as his fingers made contact. They both shuddered and she clung to him even harder, enchanted and addicted. And then, shocking her, he moved his hand further down and carefully, pressed two exploratory slender fingers inside. His face changed when his fingers curved in and a strangled little sound escaped her mouth—his eyes squeezed shut, his mouth fell open a little and he bowed his head down, seeming to be overcome at the feeling. She, too, was overwhelmed: The beautiful aching pressure caused her hips to move forward into his hand and an unashamed moan to break free from her lips. He opened his eyes and an awed expression was on his face.

"You feel so beautiful," he breathed, then grew faintly shy. "So warm and… and, and very wet." Alex withered a little underneath his potentially-mortifying proclamation. "Do I do this to you?" he asked, innocent and curious. By asking that, he struck her temporarily mute, dumb, and helpless. Her tongue was heavy and her head was dizzy in the most pleasant way. She could have laughed if it weren't for the maddening amount of desire and need—so she just nodded, putting a hand against the back of his neck and pulling him to her for a kiss—enough talking. She wrapped her arms around his neck and ground herself down over his fingers and gasped into his mouth at the feeling. She did it some more, trying to show him what she wanted, the way to move. He seemed to have trouble concentrating on doing anything at all, he lost the ability to kiss her and was almost in another world—he was making sounds as she moved around his fingers and she realized he was getting off on just feeling her.

That was so fucking sexy and she was so turned on that she couldn't see straight. His head rested on her shoulder now, his noisy breaths hitting her neck hot and fast. It was too much, those sounds he was making and the luscious tension his fingers heightened. She was going to come right then and there if they didn't stop—and when she realized that she shot a hand down to cover his, silently telling him to stop. She didn't want to peak—not before he did. He raised his head in mild worry. "What is it?" he asked.

"I was gonna, uh…" grow up, Alex—she felt herself turning red. She couldn't bring herself to say it, even though she had a pretty foul mouth in other parts of life. "You know."

His face distorted slightly into one of those I-think-I-know-what-you-mean-but-I'm-not-entirely-sure squinty frowns.

Before he could ask her an awkward question about it, an idea struck Alex, a thrilling and slightly scary one, but one she had to pursue. And suddenly focused on that, Alex put her hand on the front of his shoulder and pushed him a little, indicating he should do what she suggested next: "Lay down." He looked surprised, and then nervous and anticipatory as he did what she said. She followed his motion with her body and laid down on top of him, her legs resting on either side of his. A soft little sound came out of his mouth as her hips pressed down over his, her weight settling over him. He was very ready, and she felt it through her underwear and his pants. He looked up at her with a dawning sense of wide-eyed wonder as he saw the look of intent in her eyes. Feeling confident and a little coy, her heart beating fast in nervousness and anticipation, Alex wondered: how would he react? What would he do? She wanted to make him feel the way he always made her feel.

She began to press kisses down the side of his neck, slow and soft, a few nips and sucks in between. Her hands trailed down his arms—which had circled her loosely. A thrill rushed through her at the realization that he couldn't seem to not touch her. She kissed his sternum and moved a hand down his side, dragging her digits across the skin and reveling in the soft sound he made when she did that. She paused to press a gentle, grateful, broken kiss against the scar that covered so much of his torso. Then she continued to kiss her way down his stomach. Brazen when her hand reached his hip, she dragged inward and rubbed her palm over the crotch of his pants—he grabbed a fistful of bedspread and cried out softly, uttering the softest word—Enochian? Her stomach flip flopped at his reaction to what she was doing.

His chest and stomach were heaving up and down faster and faster the lower she got—and when she reached the top of his pants and kissed the skin just above the fabric, he made a nervous, breathy little sound and then she began to unbuckle his pants. When she glanced up, she saw how he looked almost scared but also aroused as hell. She sat up a little and grabbed boxers, belt, pants and all, gave a great tug and got it all down to his knees. Alex shuffled back on her knees and pulled his socks off, then yanked his pants and boxers off one leg at a time. She lost a little of her nerve when she saw him like that—completely naked, for what was only, really, the second time ever. He was intimidating and magnificent. She was anxious and dizzy as she positioned herself between his legs and took hold of him, bent her head low, and planted a soft kiss on the very tip of him. She let her eyes flicker up hopefully. Cas looked absolutely shocked and aroused. He sat up onto his elbows, staring at her with wide eyes.

"What are you—" he asked, even as she hesitantly closed her mouth over him. He seemed to temporarily lose the ability to speak. "Ahh—Alex, uhh—no you—uh—" he looked at her in something like aroused terror, he was rigid all over and stared at her as if in fear. "I don't want you to—" he protested and she pulled back, confused.

"But doesn't it feel good?" she asked, startled. Had she done something wrong? All guys liked blow jobs, she thought…? Maybe if she used more tongue.

"Yes, but—" he started even as she tried again. "Oh, ah… but it seems demeaning to—ah—you—uh—" His incoherent words grew even more incoherent as she she circled her tongue around in a way that seemed like it would feel good. She tasted salt and was surprised at how turned on this was making her. His head fell back and his features tightened in pleasure and concentration, he groaned noisily and was utterly overwhelmed, breathing fast and hard like he'd just run a marathon. He did like it. Encouraged in the most heated of ways, Alex pushed her luck and, not entirely sure of what she was doing, gingerly took him in further.

For a few moments, she experimented on his length with her mouth and lips, drawing moan after moan and a string of breathy enchanted compliments. Finally, Cas seemed to lose patience and whispered for her to "come here."

Alex did. In only her underwear, he pulled her closer by the small of her back and lifted slightly, her knees parting as she settled across his lap, chest-to-chest, legs folded on either side of his. She whimpered at the pressure there, which only increased when one of his hands gently slid down, grasping the curve of her ass to pull her closer. There wasn't a word to describe what it was like, him holding her like this, their bodies responding to the other's like this. The rising heat and tension, the stirring bliss and the absolute intimacy and safety that existed here, with him. The humbling feeling of being so fully adored and treasured. They were learning each other in every way, but this way was one of her favorites.

His arms wrapped around her tightly and he hefted her up, turned them both, then caught himself with one hand as he lowered her down onto her back. When she settled there, he watched her as his free hand traced down the front of her ribcage, over her hip bone, and then caught on the edge of her underwear. Breath stopping mid-throat, Alex's stomach fluttered. He didn't know how magical he was.

Instead of pulling her panties off then and there, Cas surprised her when he mimicked, almost blow for blow, what she had done a minute ago—he kissed his way downward: first her neck, then her shoulder, then the curve of her breast, then the ridge of her ribs, then the top of her pelvic bone as he slowly pulled the white underwear away. He was crouched between her legs by the time he got there and Alex suddenly wondered… was he going to…? He threaded the underwear off her one leg at a time, his fingers traced through the dark curling patch of hair there and she felt both embarrassed and aroused at his closeness.

She watched him as curiously, slowly, experimentally, he planted a single little soft kiss into the space between her legs, just above where she ached. She made a startled sound, gaping at him as a rush of tortured pleasure exploded. "Ca—ah—ahhh—" she tried, but words were lost on her completely. Watching her the entire time, he did it again, but this time, lower—exactly where she wanted, and her head fell back. She gasped loudly at the new, impossible feeling. He paused then did it again, a little harder and a little longer. She squirmed and bit her lip, body coursing in pleasure as a sound like nrrgh tore out of her mouth. She looked at him in total enraptured surprise.

His eyes were bright. "You like this," he observed thickly, pleased with himself and both interested and aroused at her reaction.

Christ, Cas, do you have to be so cheeky without meaning to be? She tried to open her mouth and say something to him but then her back arched as instead, a sound of total pleasure broke free from her lips. His lips were pressing against her again, she could feel him breathing and it felt so amazing. "Cas, oh, you, ah—!" And like he had a minute ago with her breasts, he slowly and experimentally opened his mouth and began to use his tongue, nudging uncertainly... and when he did that—an unintelligible word-sound escaped her mouth, her hands grabbed out for anything to hold onto—one of them found a fistful of bedspread, the other one caught hold of his hand, their fingers interlaced.

"Ah, oh—" she writhed. He pulled her even closer, shutting his eyes in pleasure and moaning softly against her most sensitive place as his tongue and lips continued their blissfully torturous work. Alex pulled so hard on the bedspread that it came untucked, sheets and all. Her hips were tilting up and forward into his face unbidden; her body was desperate for more and the need was rising to blinding amounts. She tightened her other hand in his, going blind from pleasure and the thrill of this new way of being touched. But even as she drowned in the sensations he was creating, she wanted, no, needed, him to be inside of her and now.

She cupped a hand against the back of his head urgently. She absolutely couldn't wait any longer. He stopped what he was doing, looking at her questioningly. His eyes were almost black, the pupils were so dilated. "Come here," she whispered, and it was clear what she meant.

He immediately obeyed and crawled back up to her, seeming to share the sentiment of ultimate, furious need. The anticipation was so much that she could barely see, she pulled on him uselessly, hellbent on having him as soon as humanely possible. She felt his knees pressing her legs apart and his weight settling over her as she grabbed the back of his head with both hands, kissing him sloppily, deeply, tasting herself on his tongue and whimpering as she felt the press of him between her legs.

Her head arced back into the bed and she made a loud, unrestrained sound of relieved anguish as Castiel pushed into her fully. He was burying his face in her neck with a deep groan even as her arms circled around his neck tightly. Overwhelmed with pleasure and love and relief and agony all at once, Alex's legs went to wrap around his middle and no time was wasted—entangled with each other, mutually lost in heady bliss, their entire atmosphere become nothing but the hot, heavy breath of the other, the feel of sweat-damp skin, the friction created between their bodies. Loud, lost, and beautifully frustrated, they moved together, learning the best way, finding the most blissfully distressing cadence. Fingers tangled in hair and dug into skin, arms stayed tight against the other, bodies remained flush as they ground into each other with quickening frenzy and deepening passion.

It didn't take long at all. They grew frantic mutually with rising urgency and Alex gasped loudly underneath him, whimpering anxiously as he took her impossibly higher and higher, hurtling her toward the absolute peak… he was reducing her to nothing even as he gave her everything. She cried out helplessly as she hit the wall of ecstasy; she groaned out his name in awe and desperation alike as it came over them like a tsunami: the covenant, the fall, the rapture itself. He moaned in soft distress over and over again against her neck as the climax ripped through and rendered them lost and dumbstruck by nirvana. With his hands tight and hard on both her upper and lower back, Castiel's body rocked against hers once, twice, three more times… and then slowed, relaxed, and gave out, completely spent.

For a minute, it was silent in the room except for the sound of their mingling heavy, slowing breaths. Stunned as always, exhausted by the torrent of pleasure, Alex was momentarily speechless and amazed. They were so physically close—her nose pressed into the curve where his neck met his shoulder, and she felt his pulse... the warmth radiating off of his skin. Cas lifted his head off her shoulder—he was flushed and worn out and satisfied. She'd done that to him. He touched the side of her face with utmost gentleness, she felt her lips tugging slightly into a soft, shy smile… and she covered his hand with hers, turning her head and pressing a kiss into the palm of his hand before she peeked back at him.

"You... are the most amazing thing in all of creation," Cas told her in a soft voice. His expression was so intense and intimate that her smile fell. His fingers laced through hers, he seemed almost afraid of how much he loved her… and she resonated with that fear. His heart thundered in his chest and echoed into hers, he was trembling a little, physically drained from exertion.

Transfixed, Alex craned her neck up and kissed his lips softly. Their hands came apart, mutually cradling the others face tenderly. Cas rested his forehead against hers when the kiss ended and just breathed, closed his eyes, his hand moving from her face to the curve of her shoulder.

Warm and content in every way possible, Alex smiled even though her eyebrows were knit together in a strange anxiety. He was too perfect to be true, this was too right and wonderful to last. But she believed it would. Which was also why she was scared. Pushing aside the fear, she ducked her head toward his neck and shoulder, pressing kisses there, so filled with affection that she couldn't do anything but. He tensed, then he flinched away and squirmed and then giggled—wait, giggled? It was a surprisingly sandpapery, rich sound. Oh my god.

She looked at him with a weird expression, because Cas didn't giggle. "That—that felt strange," he protested through an oddly wide grin, and he seemed perplexed and worried and extremely amused all at the same time.

"Cas, are you ticklish?" Alex asked, a disbelieving grin dawning across her features—her skin was hypersensitive after sex, maybe his was too—she tested her theory, running her fingers lightly down his neck repeatedly, and he almost yelped, rolling sideways jerkily, trying to get away, making laughing noises almost frantically but Alex held on and rolled with him, laughing at his reaction. He almost fell off the edge of bed, then suddenly Alex was rolling off the bed, squeaking in surprise as she fell to the floor, knocking the lamp over when her arms flailed in an ungraceful swan dive.

Tangled in the sheets she'd dragged with her, she laughed hard, sort of punch-drunk, propping herself up onto her elbows at the absurd thought of Cas giggling and the realization that she'd probably just looked the stupidest she ever had. He wasn't giggling or smiling anymore, he was freaking out, already coming down to her all awkward and naked. Alex laughed harder as he rested on his knees and reached for her in concern. "Are you all right?"

"I, I think I need help up," she said, smothering a giggle and pressing a smile away because she was planning something sort of devious. She tried not to look too excited about it. He bent and circled his arms around her, unaware of her playful intentions. She grabbed onto him, hands just under his armpits, and she tickled hard. He protested with a shriek that turned into rising laughter, a sound she'd never heard out of his mouth before. Losing ability to coordinate himself, they rolled away from the bed further, Alex going mad with laughter as he tried feebly to push her away, gasping for air and laughing raucously.

"W-what's h-happening to me?" he asked in a voice that was both panicked and drenched with mirth and Alex stopped—he was tangled in the sheet with her now on his back, hands hovering in front of himself as if in defense with a breathless, panicked grin on his face. Her hair trailed down to touch his chest and she smiled, loving everything about him.

"What's happening to you... is a tickle war," she said softly, then kissed him gently, felt him relaxing… then she grabbed his sides again and tickled him for all she was worth. At first, he tried to get away, then seemed to have another idea and mimicked what she was doing: he grabbed her sides and wiggled his fingers into the space below her armpits and Alex howled with laughter, suddenly trying to get away from him now.

"Noooo, stop, it tickles!" she shrieked, tears in her eyes as she doubled over beside him—he was still on his back. He did stop and they looked at each other with breathless grins, and even though it was strange to see him smiling like that… she loved it. Without warning, completely overwhelmed with affection, she hugged him around the neck as he laid there. She buried her face in the front of his chest, then turned her head so her cheek rested with her face turned toward his. She was exhausted from this crazy day, but she didn't want to miss anything—she wanted to stay up all night and just be together while they could… because she was very aware that tonight was in the minority. They just didn't have the freedom to be together like they wanted to right now, not with Dean around… this might be the last time they got together for awhile. She didn't know.

Alex traced traced her fingers across his chest, thoughtful and quiet and feeling how her heart was slowing to its normal rate. Underneath her fingertips, the scars Cas bore from what he'd done to save her. "You okay this time?" she chanced quietly, curious and a little worried. Would he feel guilty about sex like he always did? When he caught her hand in his and moved his thumb across her skin gently, she propped herself up enough to look him in the eye.

He looked so manly there beneath her with his free arm resting underneath his head, his expression unguarded, genuine, and soft. "Yes," he said, and his thumb moved across one of her knuckles again. "I think that I am."

Relieved and happy, Alex kissed one of his knuckles, studied their hands a second, then laid her head down on him again. This was heaven. And she should know… she'd been to the real Heaven and it hadn't been right, but this was. His hand still held hers and she wondered how she'd stumbled into this. What if they had never met? What if she'd insisted on keeping him at arm's length? What if she'd never allowed herself to fall in love with him? All of those what ifs didn't matter. Here they were and as crazy as it was, they had taken the leap, tied the knot. She still couldn't quite believe it. "Did we really get married today?" she asked him in a dazed murmur.

"Unless I'm misremembering," he said, and she heard almost a teasing tone to his voice.

Her eyebrows rose fractionally in pleasant surprise even as she pushed herself up a little to look at him. "Cas... are you joking with me?" He just smiled a little more and she laughed, slow and comfortable. He smiled back but it was still gentle, no teeth showed.

His eyes seemed so tender as they searched hers slowly and without a thought, Alex traced fingertips down the side of his face, her laughter subsiding into the whisper of a smile. She thought back to the first time she saw him. How could she have guessed he'd be the one to give her a new life entirely? Make her believe in love, give her a reason to trust? He had become her safe place to fall, and she felt understood, she felt real with him. She kind of believed, deep down, that he was her soulmate. Even if angels didn't have souls… he was her other half. He had to be.

Shy now she dropped her gaze away, the reality of what they had promised each other that day hitting her all over again. Her brothers would be so hurt when she told them, which eventually they'd have to. If they lived past the whole end of the world thing. Maybe this marriage would be something Cas and Alex took to their graves. Maybe she didn't even need to worry about the future as much as she was—everyone might be dead in a few weeks. But what if there was a future? What would that be like? Growing reflective, wanting to dream about what that might be like, her gaze flickered back to him. "So… if we live past this whole apocalypse thing… what do we do?"

He seemed slightly sobered by the reminder. He took her hand again. "Whatever you want."

She thought maybe he'd answer like that, and she frowned in thought, trying to get him to answer for himself, not just defer to her. "But what would you want?" He appeared to have no reply. "Think about it. What kind of life would you want us to live?"

"...I would want what you want," he said, repeating himself, basically telling her he would follow her lead. Or maybe saying he had no idea. At her slightly befuddled expression, he seemed confused, too.

"Cas, come on. I know you must have thought about it. What you'd want." Right? Had he really not?

"What I want is selfish," he said, intriguing and worrying her briefly.

"How so?"

He looked at the ceiling, eyes going back and forth, far away in memories. "I saw how we lived in the future… it was us. Living together. We had a cabin. There were things of our own inside." He looked at her again. "I think I'd want that."

Alex studied him. "I don't think that's selfish," she said in a hushed tone. It wasn't the life she lived now, on the road with brothers, but… it sounded good. Just, a simple life. It didn't have to be normal or American-dream, if it were ordinary and offbeat and simple and with him… they'd figure out the rest. One curiosity remained with Alex though. "I remember there being another thing in that future that we had..." she said, recalling with great intrigue what he'd told her about that day in Bobby's attic… how the two of them had been about to become a family of three in the visions of the future he'd witnessed. She hesitated, nervous to ask and nervous to know. "Would you want that, too?" It was a curiosity, the thought of them pursuing parenthood.

Cas's reply was soft. "With you, I want everything." He fumbled for a minute, growing conflicted. "However, I'm not sure how to… well, I didn't think about… how this would truly work."

"What do you mean?" she asked, worry jumping up in the pit of her stomach again.

"I was better equipped, before, to do this," he said, still not explaining. "I suppose I could try to get a job. Or maybe I could become a hunter, like you." Oh—Alex's eyebrows rose in understanding. "Money is necessary, isn't it?"

"To a certain point," she replied, shrugging in false modesty. "But I think I can get us by. I know a few tricks."

He paused uncertainly. "Shouldn't I be the one who does that?"

Alex searched his gaze earnestly. "We take care of each other. And Cas… I don't doubt for a second you'll take care of me." She felt unworthy, like however much she loved him would never be enough to return his affection.

Totally in love, he seemed to take her in anew. "I can't put it into words," Castiel murmured. "The things I feel for you, the way I think about you."

"...I don't think you have to," she told him in a faint voice. Her emotions were right below the surface, her eyes filled with them abruptly. "I already know." And she did know. Through and through, that he loved her beyond limits. Enough to reach out to her in compassion and heal her, restore her before they had spoken even a word to each other. To heal her and save her life numerous times over, to defy Heaven and everything he'd ever been loyal to. For her.

She laid her head down on his chest again, settling into the curve of his side, quiet and stilled. She looked up at the weird shadows on the ceiling made by the fallen lamp. After a moment, he abruptly spoke. "I wish I could have given you something better than a penny."

She smiled a little to herself. "You gave me you," Alex murmured. She was so sleepy and content, warm here beside him. "There is nothing better."

His arm tightened and pulled her a little closer, she felt how his chin and jaw brushed against the top of her head. Mmm. She could have fallen asleep there like that. Alex looked at the ceiling shadows again drowsily and was suddenly struck by a whimsicality. Maybe it was how tired she was, but it she lifted her hand up into the shape of a dog and smiled crookedly at the shadow it cast onto the ceiling. Cas looked at her hand oddly, then the shadow created, slightly mystified. "Shadow puppets," she explained offhandedly, then said "'Hello,'" and moved her hand like the dog was saying it. "This is a dog," she explained, and Cas's head tilted to the side, she could literally hear his internal dialogue: that looks like no canine I have ever beheld. He surprised her when he looked at her hand in concentration and mimicked her motions, haltingly making a dog shape with his hand. He squinted and frowned at the shadow it made.

Alex moved her pinky finger up. "Now it's a bunny," she said, and made her hand hop slightly. She chuckled at herself and glanced at him sidelong, moving the tips of her fingers to touch against the tips of his—making the shadow dog and bunny kiss. His eyes left the shadows to look into hers.

Spellbound, she dropped her hand down, craned her neck, and kissed him deeply, lingering there in his atmosphere. His arms circled her and his familiar warmth called her closer to him. She melted, kissing him leisurely with a soft mouth and she explored him with her hands. He felt so good to her, strong, solid, safe, warm, inviting. And they were both quickly becoming uncomfortable and aroused again—but for a few minutes, all they did was touch, pet, pull at each other and kiss deeply, exploring until Alex couldn't stand it any longer—she pulled the sheets that had been bunched between them away and laid down on top of him, initiating another encounter.

"Again?" he asked in a breathless whisper, both surprised and also highly approving of the idea. Her hands found his and pressed palm to palm, fingers lacing through tightly. She held his hands there beside his head on either side, emboldened.

"Yes, and… this time, you're not allowed to move," she told him in a low voice. She pushed her hips down over him, taking him with a low moan—he exhaled softly, surprised at the suddenness of her actions. His eyes were glazed over and dark as, still holding his hands, she began to move slowly, tantalizingly, purposefully torturing him and unintentionally herself… underneath Alex, Cas—much bigger and stronger, so much more powerful—surrendered to her.

Seeing him like that: submitted to her, vulnerable and begging wordlessly with panting breaths and gasps... she felt like she was a goddess. His goddess. She let go of his hands abruptly and wrapped her arms closely around his head, not satisfied with how far apart she felt from him. His arms immediately circled and tightened around her, hands splaying into the skin of her shoulder blade and mid-back. He bit his lip in anxiety, eyes screwed shut; he grunted then let out a frustrated breath, she began to kiss the curve of his shoulder, slowing her hips to a maddening crawl. The feeling of the slow burn was incredible and she was having problems keeping herself together, she felt absolutely insane with bliss. She tortured them both like that for about thirty seconds before Castiel, apparently, couldn't stand it any longer.

"Uh, Alex, faster, please—" Cas pleaded, pulling on her hard, begging desperately, and she couldn't say no to the need in his voice. She obeyed his wishes and gave him what he wanted, moving faster and harder, making him breathe louder and quicker. He didn't seem to know what to do with his hands: first they pressed hard against the small of her back, then they grasped her sides and pulled, then they gripped her upper arms, then they cupped her face as he kissed her sloppily, then one of them grabbed the hair at the back of her head as the other one trailed down to press against the softness of her breast desperately. He suddenly cried out loudly and his hand tightened in her hair, she could feel him shuddering underneath her. She was no longer in control, now she was crying out for him as she seized, he held her harder, his hips rocking against hers as he disobeyed her rule of no movement but she didn't care. She pulled against him, urging him on as they destroyed each other with the throes of absolute pleasure. With a surprised gasp and then a desperate cry, she began to die a small death in his arms on the floor of the motel room. It was blindingly intense, it took everything out of her, and if Cas wasn't holding her as tightly as he was, she thought she might fall off the face of the earth itself. She went limp over him as the orgasm finished with her, her heart was hammering so hard that it felt like her entire body was vibrating. She felt defeated in the best of ways, drowsy, out of everything, too weak to move—but somehow managed to raise her head and look at him in the eye. Wow. He seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"You've made me lose my mind," Castiel whispered breathlessly. His voice was soft and he tucked some of her hair behind her ear, his eyes going back and forth between hers. He looked at her like she were absolute magic. "The things you do to me…"

She smiled, feeling like she was glowing—she kissed his cheek softly, then the corner of his mouth, then his lips. Her body was weighed down with an afterglow like no other and she laid her head down on his shoulder, her face turned to him. With lessening clarity, she murmured against his neck that she loved him then listened to his heart beating. Her eyes were heavy and she shut them for just a minute, just a minute—faintly feeling how his lips brushed and pressed a sweet kiss against her forehead. She drifted off without meaning to, there in his arms.

---

Morning came, and the motel room slowly grew brighter as the sun rose outside. In the bed, two people laid. Naked underneath the blankets, they faced each other, the man cocooning the woman with his arms. She was nestled into him trustingly. The slept deeply, warm and safe there together. The room was calm, quiet, peaceful.

Alex woke up first. She remembered drifting off to sleep on Cas down on the floor. When had he moved them? From his deep, even breathing, she could tell he was still fast asleep. Her heart fluttered a little. She had just woken up beside him. Last night and yesterday rushed her mind and her heart did a little skip-hop-jump. Alex drew back a little—slowly, trying not to disturb him—just enough so she could see his face. He looked so peaceful and handsome and she wondered if a heart could burst from happiness. Hers felt like it would, and she smoothed some of his hair back, studied his face, loving every single detail—the age lines, the little scars, every hollow and arch and dip.

He stirred at her touch and opened his eyes slowly. For the briefest second he was groggy—then he saw her and a soft little smile came over his face. She smiled, too. "Good morning," she murmured.

"Good morning," he echoed, his voice quiet and rough with sleep. He reached over and moved some of her messy hair away from her face, letting his hand rest there on her head when he'd finished. She nestled closer. Their noses grazed and they said nothing, just existing there together in a bubble of each other for a moment.

Castiel was hers and she was his—he wasn't going anywhere, they were going to be together. Maybe for a couple more weeks, maybe for seventy more years. Briefly, Alex's happiness wavered when she thought about how yesterday was gone. Today, they needed to go back to Bobby's and face the music. The apocalypse was still on the calendar and they were the ones who were stuck trying to stop it.

For the first time in her life, Alex truly considered running away from it all forever. Because now, she had something—someone—to run to. She thought of Dean, who would try and ruin the relationship and run her life and Alex looked at Cas with hesitation. It wasn't fair. They'd just been reunited, and more than that, they'd just found each other in the grand scheme of life—he'd lived for thousands of years alone, and she felt like she'd lived for thousands of years alone. The world couldn't end, not right now, not yet. "I don't wanna go back," she confessed. "I wanna ditch out on everything. Can't we just stay here forever?" She was only half-joking, and he seemed to see that.

He didn't say anything, but the look on his face suggested he was silently telling her you know we can't.

A small self-deprecating smile came over her face.

"We have to go back," he said, the voice of reason. His eyes dropped to her lips and went back to her eyes, and was that… a hint of playfulness in his eyes? Intrigued, she forgot her more complicated thoughts. "But… we don't have to leave yet." Suddenly feeling a heightened sense of interest, she searched his crystal blue gaze. Her stomach began doing flips of anticipation at that look in his eyes.

His mouth crooked up just slightly to one side as with his thumb and index finger, he gently took hold of her chin and kissed her sweetly. He slid closer—bare skin to bare skin beneath the sheets. She made a soft mmm sound as his touch brought her to life, as she reached out to hug herself to him. He was melting her with the gentle assertiveness of his touch. It was like a new discovery, every time he touched her, every time he kissed her, every time this happened, and she wanted it, loved it. Loved him. She opened her mouth for him, deepening the kiss—feeling her stomach zing when his tongue gently nudged against hers. They were never going to get anything done if they kept this up, she thought faintly. And as if reading her mind, he began to press her body downward, putting himself over her, gently initiating what would stick in her mind as the best wake-up call she'd ever gotten.

---

Forty-One Minutes Later

Stunned, Alex's head hit the pillow. "Holy shit, Cas—!" she exclaimed through her ragged breaths.

He grinned at her lopsidedly, coy and pleased and tired but happy. His skin shone with the slight sheen of perspiration and Alex grinned widely, shaking her head in staggered amazement. Beside her now as he rolled off her, Cas propped himself up on an elbow. She impulsively grabbed his neck and kissed him hard, smiling and chuckling even as she pressed her lips to his. She pushed, using her weight as she kissed him to make him lay on his back and then she flopped down onto her stomach. "Good morning to you too." She had her arms folded underneath her cheek and he rolled over to be closer to her, mimicking her posture.

He gazed at her with a soft smile and adoring eyes and touched his hand to hers. She laced her fingers through his, letting their hands lay in the small space between their shoulders. "I wish every morning could be like this," Alex confessed. It was hard knowing that this wasn't going to be standard.

"I do, too." Cas grew a little more somber. "If they ask where we were today and yesterday… what should we say?"

Alex sighed. She knew there was going to be some Dean Winchester hissy fit action happening later that day when they got back to Bobby's. She wasn't really looking forward to it. "I'll handle it," she told him, equally somber. "And just remember. Dean doesn't have a right to know everything, even though he acts that way." It was bittersweet. "Someday, we can tell them. Someday." Just not yet.

"It must make you very sad that they weren't there," Cas said with heavy thoughtfulness. "I'm sorry."

She was touched at his insight. "Yes and no," she admitted. It kind of was one of those 'it is what it is' kind of things. Yeah, she was sad, but… what could she do about it? "It's okay," she said. It had to be.

She smiled a little at him. He looked so perfect there like that next to her and she suddenly realized she needed to cement this moment in her mind. She pushed herself up, looking around for her phone. "Don't move," she told him, and using sheets like a huge towel, she got out of bed (and realized her legs were weak from all the, um, working out she and Cas had participated in recently). She took her on-silent phone from out of her ammo bag. "I need to take a picture," she explained, then paused. The phone screen showed a bunch of missed calls from Dean, all recent, like an hour ago. Hmm. This wasn't going to be pretty, facing him again.

"A picture of me?" Cas asked as she got back into bed, laid on her side. He seemed to think that was a strange idea.

"Of you," she confirmed and held her phone up, pushing the capture button as he looked not into the camera, but at her. It was the most perfect picture in all of existence. Grainy, a little blurred, but him. She smiled at it, then him, leaning over to him to hug him sort of awkwardly from behind, then kiss the back of his shoulder before she sighed regretfully. "Okay—I have got to take a shower," she confessed, feeling less than fresh at the moment. Did he need a shower, too?

She'd grown up with men and maybe it wasn't ladylike of her but she stuck her nose into his armpit and smelled—but weirdly, she didn't smell sweat, he smelled like deodorant, as always—clean. She drew back and laid on her side, propped up on an elbow. He wasn't completely human. He couldn't be—he hadn't needed to shower or use the bathroom. He'd been hungry and had slept, but other than that…

"Why... did you smell me?" he asked, seeming very curious about the sudden sniff.

"Fresh check," she said. That's what Dean had always called it. Cas rolled over to lay on his side, propped up on an arm. He squinted at her armpit, wondering something very intensely.

"Am I supposed to reciprocate?" he asked, and leaned forward a little like he was about to.

"No no no!" she said, giggling suddenly, picturing Cas with his nose in her sweaty armpit. No. That didn't need to happen. "I was just seeing if you needed a shower." Her smile faded a little. "Which, you don't." Her smile evaporated completely and her troubled question came out after a couple of falters. "What if you never age like I do, Cas?" She imagined an old woman hobbling around with a young Cas beside her.

"I... suppose that's a possibility," he admitted slowly, frowning in deep thought. "But what would that ma—oh." He seemed to understand, but then became perplexed by it. "Are you afraid I would no longer love you in old age?"

She looked at him silently. Well… yeah?

"Alex. Nothing will change my devotion to you," he told her, sitting up a little more. "Ever. And certainly nothing as transitory as physical attributes." He touched the side of her face and she leaned close, resting her forehead to his and shutting her eyes for a second, nodding.

"Okay. The shower," she said, pulling back and putting her worries out of her mind. She paused though, turning around as she got out of bed. She still clutched the sheets to herself to hide her nakedness. "Do you need more painkillers? You feel okay?"

Cas considered it. "I should probably take some, yes."

Alex smiled sympathetically and got a plastic motel cup off of the top of the microwave, filled it at the sink, then brought him his dose of Lortabs.

"Thank you," he said, accepting both.

"Don't miss me too much while I'm gone," she said teasingly, then headed for the bathroom. Cas watched her go then swallowed the pills. It wasn't a comfortable sensation, but he was getting better at it. Cas heard the water start as Alex showered. He re-dressed, picking up his scattered clothing items from all over the motel room floor. He picked up her dress and carefully zipped it back up, folding it as best he could before he set it on the dresser. He picked up the lamp they'd knocked over, then looked at the bathroom door. She wasn't done yet. His stomach growled and he looked down at it. Food. She'd be hungry, too, wouldn't she? Cas hesitated, getting an idea, then looked for her wallet and found it, taking out some dollar bills.

He went to the vending machine he'd noticed outside the motel yesterday. There he got a random assortment of packaged foods, not sure which ones were appropriate for breakfast, if any. He got about twenty of them, not sure if that would be enough. He took them back to the motel room, spread them out on the little table, then got another plastic cup off the microwave and filled it with water, setting it and his cup onto the table. Was that enough? Would she like that? He didn't know. He sat on the end of the bed and waited, alternating between looking at his hands to the bathroom area, anticipating her reappearance.

He thought of yesterday. He thought of last night. He smiled to himself when he thought of her. In all of existence, Castiel was sure no man could count himself as blessed and favored as Cas had found himself to be. It was difficult to truly accept that she had given herself to him as his wife—it seemed 'too good to be true'—a human saying that he now understood. He sat there with a wistful little smile on his face, staring into space unseeingly, pleasantly. So lost in thoughts of her, Cas was startled when he heard Alex speak.

"You got breakfast?" she asked in pleasant surprise, looking at all the food in crinkly wrappers on the table.

He stood up, surprised he hadn't noticed her come out of the bathroom. She was wrapped in a towel and had wet hair—water clung to her fair skin. She was doing that smile which he understood to mean that she was amused and confused at the same time. He followed her gaze to the table. "Is it too much?" he asked.

She chuckled. "We might have leftovers... just an educated guess." She looked at him fondly. He could tell that she liked what he had done. That made him feel good. She sat down at the table and he followed suit.

"Trail mix, bear claw, powdered donuts, potato chips… Hostess Cupcakes?" she held up the package in question with a little smile on her face as she looked at him.

"Your favorite," he said proudly, smiling. He'd gotten all of the ones the vending machine had—seven packets of them. He hoped that was enough. Alex seemed to be very pleased, she was grinning and shaking her head. She got up and came to him, standing between his knees before she sat on one of his legs, circling her arms around his neck. She pressed a kiss against his forehead, murmuring that she loved everything about him. He looked into her eyes and he loved everything about her, too.

"So, how does it feel to be my husband?" she asked, seeming to be playful and shy all at once.

When she said my husband and he felt as though something inside of him burst. The thought made him feel like he could soar. "It feels… very good," he admitted, not doing verbal justice to the true feeling it gave him. He attempted to match her playful tone, but he sounded more genuinely curious to himself. "And… how does it feel to be my wife?" Saying the words aloud was stunning and surreal. My wife.

"Your wife," she repeated, biting her a smile as she looked down, appearing to be amazed at those words just like he was. She looked back at him. "It feels right."

Her answer brought him to life all over again and he didn't know what else to do—he kissed her, never tiring of the soft press of her lips to his. He only meant to kiss her briefly. But when they drew back, the distance seemed too much and they kissed again, a little longer and slower. They drew apart but it didn't last for long and Cas enveloped her in his arms, cradling her there as they came together to kiss again deeply. Breakfast was forgotten for awhile.

---

The newlyweds stole a couple more hours together—making love again, eating breakfast in the park across the street, visiting an arcade like Alex had joked about the day before. Castiel, of course, was terrible at video games. When it became clear that they had done all the stalling done that they could, the two embraced tightly and prepared themselves for reality, heading back to Bobby's around mid-day. What happened on April 29th, 2010, remained an unspoken secret that they carried in the deepest and most hidden parts of their hearts. They didn't even speak to each other about it again for over a year. It wasn't normal, this marriage of theirs, nor would it ever really be. But it would always be theirs. And that was enough.

Some uppity playwright once said, "Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species." Personally, I disagree. Love is real. Rare, yes, but real. After all, I've seen with my own eyes.

The End

Chuck sat back from his computer and smiled fondly at the title of the story on his screen. Song Remains the Same. The funny part was, he may have been the author, but they were truly the writers.

Their story was not the kind of story he had come across many times before. It was quite the miracle that in the face of a million things which could have kept them apart, the human and the angel still found each other... loved each other... and decided to hold onto the other, promising forever in the face of the great unknown.

Chuck stared at 'The End' for a long minute then hit backspace, erasing those words with a rueful smile. Because he knew this wasn't the end. This was just the beginning.

---

Author's Notes: FYI, I hadn't originally planned for them to get married... possibly ever because to me they were always forever bound, already married in a way because of their clear soul bond (even though as an angel Cas doesn't technically have a soul). BUT, when I got into character headspace and realized how Cas would feel at this particular time in the story... believing he was gonna be human and believing that this was going to turn into the 2014 storyline... I realized that being an ex-angel who had Biblical laws seared into his mind, he'd want to marry her for sure. There were hints that I scattered throughout the previous chapters:

Chapter 42: Dean notices Alex's ring is gone, she claims to have "lost it." Some text dances around what happened. Later Sam gives a goodbye speech, telling Alex to go be happy and marry Cas—which upsets her even further cuz she already did and can't bring herself to tell him.

Chapter 43: While possessing Alex, Lucifer taunts Castiel and says he is "an angel married to his work" — he can see all of Alex's memories and knows of Cas and Alex's secret.

Chapter 44: Cas thinks about how he and Alex were going to share a life together. In a later scene, Lucifer mockingly says "til death do you part" as he makes Alex stab Cas to death in the graveyard.

Chapter 45: When speaking with Cas, Crowley calls Alex Cas's missus and wifey. Cas thinks about keeping the promise he made to Alex to stay at her side.

Chapter 46: Crowley taunts Alex and says that she and Cas aren't even out of the honeymoon and there's trouble in paradise. Crowley calls Cas her hubby in a later scene. And even later in the chapter, Cas reaches into his pocket and curls his fingers around the "small silver object" Alex gave him. His ring.

Chapter 48: Alex thinks about the things she "doesn't want Dean to find out about."

Chapter 49: Alex's sexy dream of Cas is kind of a memory of their wedding night. The dream turns into a nightmare and she's crying about how Cas "promised he wouldn't leave." In a later scene, Glen tries to give Alex a diamond necklace to replace the "weird " penny necklace she wears.

Chapter 50: Alex looks at the cellphone pic she took of Cas the morning after they got married.

Chapter 51: Alex feels like a widow, thinking of how Cas is gone: "She realized how much like a widow she was in that moment. Alone and in mourning; clothed in darkness at the thought of her other half lost forever."

Chapter 53: Cas thinks about his wedding vows/promises, Alex gets insanely upset when she realizes she ripped off her penny necklace and threw it in his face, realizing maybe he thinks she regrets the marriage etc. Crowley tells them he has a mind to go blab their secret to Dean (just to get a rise out of them). Cas asks if they should "tell Dean about it." Alex freaks out and says no then avoids the subject. Cas gives her the penny back and essentially forgives her, wordlessly reassuring her that nothing has changed.

Chapter 54: Crowley calls Alex "the missus" to Cas again, sneering at him for becoming good at keeping secrets.

Chapter 56: This chapter was crammed with hints. When confessing the truth, Dean cuts off Alex several times right before she was about to reveal the full truth.