Chapter Sixty-Four: The King Under the Mountain
"You just had to touch it, didn't you?"
"How was I supposed to know that it would explode?"
Emelia whipped around, arms crossed over her chest and face livid. She felt even angrier when she saw the amused look Kili was currently sporting, as if she wasn't covered toes to tits in bright red pollen. It clung to every inch of her, melding with her clothes and skin like it intended to take up a permanent residence on her body. Perhaps it did. Perhaps she would spend the rest of her life covered in red, but right now, as Erebor loomed large in front of her, she very much wanted to push Kili off the nearest cliff and be done with it.
"Kili, we arrive in like ten minutes," Emelia snapped, recognizing the clear whine in her voice. "How am I supposed to cut an intimidating figure covered in flower sperm?"
Fili spit out the water he had been drinking, ducking away from her gaze when she rounded on him next.
"Sorry."
"Just jump in the river and be done with it," Dwalin said, leaning back against a rock facing with a very amused look on his face.
"And show up looking like a drowned rat? Oddly enough, I don't think that's much better."
As she stood there, eyes flickering between the three dwarves, her skin started to itch something awful. It started with little pinpricks over the tips of her fingers and palms before it traveled up her arms like wildfire. When it reached her neck and chest, she realized the awful truth of it all and promptly turned to the left and jumped into the river, a chorus of colorful curses levied at Kili in her mind.
She tried not to think about the fact that this particular river was probably chock full of disease and orc body parts one year before, and instead focused on scrubbing all the offending pollen off her clothes and skin.
At some point over the last year, the rebuilding process had begun in full. Where before there had been nothing but the ragged ruins of a once bustling city, Dale now stood whole and full of life. Although they did not pass through on their way back to Erebor, Emelia got several chances to see the people moving in and out of the city from a distance. Some even walked on the thin road towards the mountain, passing by them with a tip of their chin and, in some cases, a pleasant smile.
All of them, she noticed with no small amount of disdain, knew to avoid the bright red flowers.
All save for her stupid husband.
Emelia reemerged from the water and flipped her hair back, now fully committed to glaring at Kili as he stepped forward to help her out of the water.
She sat back on the bank and wrung out her clothes, swatting away his hand as he offered his help. He had the decency, at the very least, to look appropriately chagrined by the whole thing, but she could still see the remnants of a smile at the corner of his mouth. When she continued to glare at him, he leaned forward and kissed her cheek, now pollen free but soaking wet.
"Can you hurry? I've been without a proper bed and meal for months," Dwalin said, pushing off from the rock facing to walk over to them. He bent down and hauled her into a standing position, surprising her when he smoothed down the mussed fabric on her shoulders.
Despite his gruffness, a character trait which Dwalin seemed absolutely committed to maintaining above all else, he had actually been quite pleasant to travel with over the last three and a half months. Once they were a few days out from the Shire, and they all relaxed into the routine of traveling together again, he settled into his role of stoic straight-man with ease. Even now, with her dripping water all over his boots and teetering on the edge of an emotional meltdown, he still managed to remain infuriatingly calm.
"Take my cloak," Kili said once Dwalin stepped back. When she didn't argue, he draped it over her shoulders and fastened it.
"It will be well, Emelia," Fili said, offering her the most reassuring smile he could muster.
"You say that now, but the last time I was in Erebor didn't go quite according to plan."
"That is the past. Today will be a fresh start, a new beginning, and you should greet it with the same grit you greet everything else." Fili was being annoying optimistic, infringing on her plan to return to Erebor in a blaze of bitterness. She wanted to march inside, right past Thorin and all his pomp, and straight up to her new room. She wanted to be the smaller person, to give into her worst tendencies and continue to ignore Thorin's entire existence, as she had steadfastly done for the entirety of their journey.
But she couldn't, not when she pushed Kili so hard to be the better person and not when she had promised Fili that morning that she would try.
"Ugh, fine, fine." She adjusted the cloak on her shoulders and moved onto her sopping hair. She squeezed out as much water as possible until her curls at least had a little life in them and tried not to dwell on the fact that she now looked like she was halfway through a visit to the hair salon, wearing a smock, smack dab in the ugliest possible stage, looking like a reptile, and preparing to meet her mother-in-law for the first time. "Let's just get this over with."
"Your enthusiasm is admirable, Em," Fili said, jumping out of the way just in time to avoid her kick aimed directly at his shin.
And so the group set off again, on foot now that they were so close. The ponies walked behind them, seemingly excited for the end of their trip although she didn't have the foggiest as to how they would know. Kili clutched the reins for both their ponies, keeping his distance at first until she took pity on him and grabbed his hand.
"Forgive me?" He asked, voice a mix of playful and remorseful as he leaned closer to her.
"Maybe," She said, giving his hand a little squeeze. "But if your mother questions why you married a lizard, you get to be the one to explain it."
"To her, we are not yet married, so you resembling a lizard is irrelevant at the moment."
"You're supposed to argue with me and say I look beautiful," She said, trailing off at the end as they approached Erebor.
"I assumed it was perpetually understood that I find you beautiful."
Erebor certainly cut a more impressive figure than the last time. It was larger than she remembered, jutting out of the ground and filling the horizon. The large double doors, newly fashioned from the purest gold, were thrown open, inviting to whoever wanted to come inside. She supposed that might include her, if Thorin was feeling particularly magnanimous, but at the moment it made her feel sick to her stomach. The feeling worsened considerably when she remembered the last time she had been there.
Balin had been determined to see the Mountain one final time. He saw something in it that brought him an unimaginable peace in his final moments and she was glad that she could help him with that, but there was a niggling at the back of her mind that told her, not matter how hard she tried, she would never be able to walk through the front gates without feeling a wave of guilt wash over her.
When they were about a hundred yards away from the gates, a voice called out in khuzdul, stopping them in place.
"What did he say?" She whispered, scooting closer to Kili.
"He was announcing our return."
"Oh."
She really and genuinely felt like she might puke. Time felt like it stretched on into eternity as she waited for the first dwarf to emerge from the depths of the Mountain. It was well lit by torchlight, but she could not see much further than a long walkway before it disappeared in the dark. She couldn't even begin to imagine what it looked like now, full of life and bursting at the seams with happy dwarves.
But there was still a dragon.
As far as she was concerned that was the only distinction that mattered, because while there was no Smaug, there was a Thorin and he was fire breathing dragon all in his own right.
"Remember, we are not married yet," Kili whispered, bending down slightly so that only she would be able to hear him.
"Yeah, yeah."
"And most will assume we are not betrothed either." He spoke quicker, eyes flicking from dwarf to dwarf as they began to emerge from the dark of the Mountain.
"I get it," She said, waving her free hand at him. She had never seen so many dwarves in one place- tall ones, fat ones, some with beards tucked into their belts, some with great axes clutched in their hands, and all staring at her. Some were women, and Emelia smiled at the one closest to her. Tall and stocky, with hair as dark as coal and bright blue eyes, she regarded Emelia with a great deal of scrutiny. When she didn't smile back, Emelia tried not to shrink under her assessing gaze. There was something distinctly familiar about her strong nose and jaw, but she couldn't quite place it. "We'll be acquaintances, non-sexy friends, mere associates with each oth..."
"Maybe not that detached."
"Pick a struggle, Kili," She said, smirking at the look on his face before she turned back to the dwarves. She hoped, at some point, to see some of the dwarves from the company. Even Bifur, who she had never managed to share even one word with, would be a welcome sight.
Emelia dropped Kili's hand when she saw Bofur emerge, same traveling hat still on his head and a bright smile on his face.
"By my beard," He started, unable to finish as she rushed towards him and wrapped him in a fierce hug. She dug her fingers into the fine fabric of his surcoat, holding him as tight as possible. Others soon joined in, Ori and Nori and Dori first, followed by Oin and Gloin, and finally Bombur and Bifur until she was surrounded on all sides and felt thoroughly loved. "We had no idea you were coming back today."
"Or at all," Nori piped up, earning a hard smack from someone in the group.
"I'm so glad all of you have come around to the idea of a group hug," She said, squeezing Bofur just a little bit tighter.
She was very well aware of the other, non-familiar, dwarves watching her, some sporting expressions that she wasn't sure whether to describe as kind or not. She pulled back from Bofur and moved onto the next and the next and the next, until she had wrapped all of them in their own hug. When she was finished, she pulled back and looked at all of them, holding her hands to her chest. She had missed each and every one of them for entirely different reasons.
Ori, for his stuttering kindness.
Nori, for his cleverness.
Dori, for his soft-spoken nature.
Oin, for his caretaking.
Gloin, for his unnatural stubbornness.
Bombur, for his commitment to making sure she always ate a good meal.
And Bifur, quiet, strange, and formerly axe-headed Bifur, for his stoic strength.
"Why are you wet?" Emelia blinked rapidly, trying to figure out if she had imagined Bifur speaking or not. He stared at her, eyes narrowing as it took her a moment to process. "Lass?"
"I'm sorry," She said, turning to face him in full. "I jumped in the river."
"Why would you do a daft thing like that?"
"Ask Kili." She jabbed her thumb over her shoulder, smirking when they all turned to look at him in tandem.
"How was your journey?" Bofur asked, taking a slight step back and appraising her carefully. "No problems?"
"No, not re…"
"Emelia."
She wished she could say that seeing Thorin again was a revelatory moment. She wished that she either felt a rush of affection or a rush of anger towards him, but all she felt was a crippling sort of indifference. It knocked her on her ass in its own way, erasing every quippy one-liner she had practiced over the last several months and freezing her tongue. The dwarves parted for him, a level of respect clear from even just the smallest movements, and allowed him to approach the company unimpeded.
Thorin had more grey in his hair and beard, and his gait was awkward and slow as she relied heavily on the use of a cane, but he was still the profoundly strong dwarf that she remembered.
Or, more accurately, had tried desperately to forget.
The company moved back as Fili and Kili stepped forward and came to stand on either side of her.
Perhaps it was meant to be a show of support, but all she felt was pinned in place. Kili might let her run away, if she tried, but Fili most certainly would not. It had taken quite a bit of building her up that morning as they broke down camp to convince her not to delay the inevitable. Kili, ever supportive and demonstrating one of the numerous reasons why she married him, indulged her. If she had asked, he would have found them a room in Dale and stayed with her there until she was ready.
She felt Kili slide his hand along her lower back, the gesture subtle enough that it would not be noticed by most of the dwarves, but present enough for her to find comfort in it.
Thorin continued towards them at an almost glacial pace. When he finally stopped, close enough that she could reach out and touch him, or hit him, they stared at each other.
They continued to stare, each seemingly unwilling to break the suffocating silence.
She wondered what it must look like to the other dwarves, especially the ones who did not know who she was, to see a dripping human engaged in a tense staring contest with their king. And a king he certainly was. He was dressed head to toe in the finest blue fabrics she had ever seen, a fur ruff making him look even larger than he already was. Her eyes moved from the cane clutched tightly in his hands, over the blue brocade, and up to the crown atop his head, silver against a field of platted black.
Emelia stepped away from Fili and Kili, anger and shame at what she was about to do building to the point that it made her limbs shake.
She made the decision on her own, but now that it was happening, now that Thorin was standing in front of her and she was faced with over a hundred sets of prying eyes, she was not as certain as she had once been. She wanted to give into her lingering immaturity, to treat him like he so rightly deserved, but she couldn't. She needed to make a good impression on the dwarves and she didn't think it would go over too well if she came in torches blazing and burned ever single bridge before they were even built.
She held eye contact with Thorin for another moment, palms starting to sweat and heart racing, before she bent her knees and bowed to him.
"Your majesty," She said, voice carrying as she forced herself to finish. "I am at your service."
The weight of his gaze felt like a thousand tons as the silence stretched between them into infinity. She kept her eyes down on the ground, half to appear respectful, half to keep him from seeing just how hard this was for her.
His feet entered into her field of vision and she felt a pair of hands on both her arms, straightening her into a standing position. It was closer than they had been to each other in months and she was able to see his features fully. He had more lines around his eyes and along his forehead, a product of a lifetime of worry and stress finally coming home to roost. His blue eyes, normally so full of stubbornness and determination, seemed hollow somehow.
"And I am at yours," Thorin said, voice dipping down at the end in a way that caused her chest to clench.
"Does this mean I'm allowed inside again?"
Perhaps it wasn't the best time to be humorous, but she couldn't help it. The dwarves watching the scene unfold seemed chronically perplexed. More had gathered, making a crowd that had started out at a few dozen swell to well into the hundreds.
"Erebor is open to you."
Thorin stepped back, the movement forcibly smooth, and held out his arm to the large doors.
The entrance seemed to be a wide-open mouth to her, at times alternating between devouring her and welcoming her, in the months it took them to get here. She wondered how it would look to them if she pushed past Thorin and ran inside. She wondered even more how it would look if she simply turned on her heel and walked away. Emelia felt pinned in place, torn between all her different, often contradictory, feelings that had led to this moment.
It was not the catharsis she had hoped for.
There was no groveling, no overtures of regret.
But she was allowed back inside.
Perhaps that was all she would be able to hope for.
She glanced over shoulder at Fili and Kili, taking their smiles for the signs of support that they were, before she turned back to the large doors and walked inside.
Emelia's arrival was a source of wandering eyes and judging glances for all of five minutes before the dwarves moved on to the much more exciting occurrence of Fili, Kili, and Dwalin being back inside the Mountain. There were a few lingering stares that followed her, but most seemed far more interested in enclosing the others in order to pepper them with questions and welcoming claps on the back. To see how genuinely happy Kili was to be surrounded by his people made her heart swell and reaffirmed for her that they made the right decision.
Soon enough, they had all but dispersed entirely, leaving behind just the company and a few nosy stragglers.
She was both alarmed and comforted to discover that dwarves were not the sort to stand on ceremony when it was not warranted. Apparently, a woman who looked more akin to a drowned rat than a human was not worth any more of their time. She might have been offended if she wasn't so thankful for the break from the prying eyes and the smell of silent judgement.
Emelia did not make it very far inside before she stopped dead in her tracks, too distracted by the beauty to trust herself to not go wandering off the side of the high pathways. She had a blurry recollection of what it looked like before, but that absolutely paled in comparison to what she was seeing. Everywhere she looked there was something magnificent to see. Floor to ceiling emerald, accents of gold and silver and bronze, statues as large as the Statue of Liberty, it all stole her breath. It had been so dark before, more of a bat cave than a home, but now it positively glowed with warmth.
"Beautiful, isn't it," Bofur asked, stepping up beside her.
"It's something," Emelia breathed, turning around in place to try and look at everything.
"I think you will find it has changed a great deal since the last time you were here, lass," Gloin said, taking a spot on her other side.
"How about a tour?" Nori piped up, peering out from behind Bofur.
"It's so much bigger than I remember," She said, tilting her head up to look for the ceiling. The light from the individual rooms only extended so far, obscuring the tippy top in total darkness. "And it doesn't smell of dragon anymore."
Someone snorted.
"Sorry, too soon?" She asked, finally tearing her gaze away from the cavernous space above her head to look at the dwarves.
"You would not believe the complications that came from shoveling decade's worth of dragon shite," Bofur said, sharing a look with Nori. "The smell would not come out of our clothes for weeks."
"Em," Kili called, interrupting her before she could respond to Bofur. She felt his hand at the small of her back, tugging slightly on the cloak as he pulled her back. She turned in place and looked at him, mouth open to say something only to have it die in her throat when she saw the dwarf woman standing between him and Fili.
"Hello, Emelia," The woman said, stepping forward. She had the barest hint of a smile and Emelia realized, a second too late, why she had seemed so familiar to her at first. "I am Dis."
"Fili and Kili's mother," Emelia said, trying to keep her eyes on the intimidating woman. It was harder than she expected and she tried very hard not to buckle under the weight of it.
"I have heard a great deal about you," Dis said, stepping even closer to her. Despite the fact that she was still smiling, Emelia could tell that she was assessing her, taking note of every little thing she could about her. "I am honored to finally meet you."
"Same."
Emelia winced, hardly believing her own stupidity sometimes.
To make matters worse, Fili, apparently losing his ability to read a room entirely, had the audacity to laugh.
Dis ignored her eldest son and touched Emelia's shoulders, staring deeply into her eyes with such intensity that she very much wanted to melt into the floor. To her great surprise, and minor horror, Dis pulled her into an unexpected hug. Emelia stiffened, eyes wide as she stared at Fili and Kili from over their mother's shoulder.
"Welcome to Erebor," She said, voice slightly muffled by the combination of their hair. She pulled back after only a moment and stepped back, hands clasped together and back ramrod straight.
"Thank you. I'm sorry I look so, you know, homeless."
Dis shook her head. "I can only assume one of my sons is to blame."
"Most of the time," Emelia said, relaxing ever so slightly when she saw Dis smile.
"Would you like to see your room?" Thorin asked, choosing that moment to remind them all that he was still there, hovering just outside the edge of the group and looking thoroughly uncomfortable.
"Is it in the cellar?"
"It is a mountain, it is all the cellar."
"Is this what I can expect from you now that we're cohabitating?" Emelia asked, turning to face him. Now that the attention of the dwarves was not fully on her she did not feel the same desire to act in a performative manner. "An attempt at a sense of humor?"
"Perhaps. The question still remains, would you like to see your room?"
"I'm dripping, so yes."
Thorin turned away from her and spoke, addressing a few dwarves in rapid khuzdul. The dwarves nodded and hurried away, turning to rush up a large, emerald staircase and out of sight. Shortly after, a small group walked past them, each carrying a few of her bags and followed after the other two. Seeing all her stuff passing her by reaffirmed for her the belief that she had really over packed.
"Boys, you both stink," Dis said, turning away from Emelia to speak with her sons. "Go wash the road off of you and let Emelia have some time to get settled."
"But…" Kili started, only to have his mother raise her hand and cut him off.
"No arguments. Go." She spoke fiercely, leaving no room for any sort of discussion. Despite her own apprehension at having that tone hypothetically turned towards her, Emelia could not help admire the woman a great deal. One harsh look from her and both Fili and Kili suddenly looked more akin to little boys than grown men. Kili looked at Emelia for a moment longer, shooting a quick wink when he was certain no one but her would see it, before he nodded his head and stepped back. Dis turned to look back at Emelia when Fili and Kili were up the large staircase and out of sight, a knowing smile quirking her lips. "Brother, enough of torturing the poor girl. Show her her room so she might start to feel comfortable in her new home."
Dis stepped forward again and touched Emelia's arm, the gesture feather light but comforting all the same.
"I hope you will be happy here, Emelia, as I was and am."
"Thank you," Emelia said, reaching up to touch Dis' hand. She lingered for a moment longer than was proper, desperate to have the woman stick around so that she wouldn't have to be alone with Thorin.
But then Dis still stepped back and went in the same direction as her sons, and Emelia was left alone with Thorin for the first time in nearly a year.
They both stood in their places, neither looking at each other until Thorin finally cleared his throat.
"If you will follow me," He said, moving towards the large stairs. Emelia lingered in place for only a moment, eyes on the back of his head as she summoned up her nerves enough to follow him.
The stair case was steep and seemed to go on forever, carrying her deeper and deeper and deeper inside the Mountain. It was well lit on either side by large torches, giving the whole place a warm glow that was only magnified by the veins of gold and silver than ran through the walls. When they reached the top of the stairs and after walking down a large hallway, that was actually more akin to the great ballrooms of Versailles, Thorin stopped and turned back to her.
"This is the Royal Wing."
"Are we just passing through?"
"No, your room is right here." He gestured to his left, eyebrows raising slightly as her mouth dropped open at the sight of the large double doors. A pair of guards flanked either side, heavily armed and stony faced. When Thorin nodded at one of them, he opened the door. As Thorin passed through the doors, the dwarves bowed, eyeing her as she followed after him.
Emelia tried not to be so obviously amazed, but it was hard not to.
The room was larger than her house back in Alaska. They first stepped into a large sitting area, complete with a floor to ceiling fireplace and hearth seating. Three smaller doors were evenly spaced around the circular room, each leading to a bedroom, washroom, and closet respectively. Her bags were placed carefully in a pile in the middle of the room, stacked just so so that they wouldn't fall over if bumped.
Thorin left her to her observations just as the mutual feeling of discomfort that as shared between them started to build.
Emelia could feel herself beginning to drown in it, so she turned her back to him and went to her bags.
His cane tapped on the floor as he moved in front of the crackling fire, prebuilt in advance of her arrival, and dropped down into one of the thick chairs. "I thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak with you," Thorin said, tone and word choice entirely too formal for her tastes.
She pulled out the first of her summer dresses, realizing just how little wear she would get out of them now that she had felt just how drafty it was inside the Mountain. Even with the roaring fire heating her room, she knew she would need a fur stole eventually.
"Yeah well, better to do it now before it gets awkward," She said, loathe to admit it though she may be. "Any more awkward."
Thorin hummed in agreement and she turned around, leaving her first bag half unpack and the clothes strung out on the floor. She lingered by the bags for a moment, staring at the back of his head. The crown atop his head glowed in the firelight, but he had already removed the large ornate overcoat, cutting a much more casual figure now that they were away from the prying eyes of his people. Tucked away in the royal wing and far removed the weight of his responsibilities he seemed almost human to her now.
It made the fact that he had fallen so far sting even more.
She sighed and walked forward, stepping around his legs and cane to take a seat in the other chair.
Emelia had been determined to sit high in her seat, to hold her back as straight as humanly possible and give off ever appearance of strength. But at the soft feel of the chair, she found it impossible and sank down.
"There is something I want to show you," Thorin said, breaking the silence after what felt like an eternity.
"Is it a giant pit that you're going to throw me down and claim it was an accident?"
"No, Emelia, it is not."
"Lead away."
Thorin took her to what she was certain was the actual armpit of Erebor. It took them almost an hour to make it there, slowed down considerably by the unevenness of Thorin's gate and his difficulty navigating stairs. Her initial chill only got worse the deeper they got, and Emelia was forced to hold her arms around herself tightly to keep from violently shivering.
She tried not to jump out of her skin when Thorin placed his overcoat on her shoulders.
A small fire was burning bright when they arrived, lighting up the space just enough for her to see a stone wall that extended upwards and disappeared into the darkest recesses of the Mountain. Carved into the stone, some delicately some done in a great deal of anger, was what seemed to be hundreds of names, thousands perhaps if the wall extended as far up as she thought it did. Some were so old they were practically smoothed over, while others looked like had only been there a few years.
The newest, slashed into the stone and standing out like a fresh wound, was a group of markings that she was absolutely certain made up her name.
"Did you take the time to chisel this yourself in your gold induced psychosis?"
"Truthfully, I do not remember."
"The penmanship is impressive," Emelia said, leaning forward to take a closer look at it. "Chiselmanship? Stonemanship? Anyway, how did you spell my name?"
"Is there more than one way to spell it?"
Emelia pursed her lips as she reached out a hand to touch the wall. It was cold and she could still feel the fresh grain of the stone from Thorin's tool mark. "There are several wrong ways to spell my name. Is this an 'E'?"
Thorin's pointed silence told her all she needed to know.
She sighed and shook her head.
"You never actually told us how to spell your name, or how you would write it, or if you could write at all."
If it were possible to purse her lips into near oblivion, she would have at that moment. The desire to snark at him bubbled up to the point that she had to practically physically tamp it down. But she could not resist the strong need to glower at him until he got the point. He turned to look at her when she didn't respond, eyebrows raised. If it was not so dark, she thought she might have been able to see a slight flush of embarrassment on his face. Instead she had to settle for a sheepish look that she might very well have entirely made up in her own mind.
"So, what happens now?" She asked, leaning forward to run her fingers over the rest of her name. "Do you just chisel it away?"
"No, it was written in stone."
Emelia flinched, thankful that her back was to him so he wouldn't see the pain until she thought better of it. He should know, deserved to know, that the sort of hurt he caused her would only go away with time. So, she turned back to look at him, not bothering to school her features and instead stared at him with the most honest expression she could muster.
"Did you hate me?" She finally managed to ask, letting her voice wibble and wobble with whatever emotion it wanted, her pride be damned. "You have always looked at me with such contempt, like I was so beneath you and nothing but a burden. I thought we might have gotten past that in Mirkwood but then you so easily tossed me out, I can only assume that you really hate me, or…"
"Emelia," Thorin started, but she cut him off.
"Why did you treat me like that? And I'm not talking about during the Gold Sickness. Before, why did you treat me so horribly? I don't deserve it. I never did."
"I know that," Thorin said, speaking quicker as if he thought she might keep talking and never let him speak again. "I would speak to you honestly now and I hope you will listen, although I have no right to ask that of you."
Emelia nodded, mouth popped open slightly at the tone he was using. She had never heard it before and if she had not literally just seen his mouth moving she might have been able to convince herself that it wasn't him at all.
Perhaps he had suddenly taken up ventriloquy as a hobby.
Despite the somber nature of the impending conversation, Emelia had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at the visual.
"My father and grandfather were proud dwarves. Stubborn, often forceful, and fiercely committed to the prosperity of Erebor. This Mountain was our birthright, our lifeblood, and I never wavered in my belief that we would retake it and return it to the splendor of my grandfather and his grandfathers before him." Thorin leaned heavily on his cane, but kept upright, his pride still evident even as she seemed to be weighed down by the burden of what he was trying to say. "I lived for it, breathed for it, and I was determined to not allow any living being to stand in my way."
"Me."
"No, not you specifically. The idea of you. The idea of an outsider, so ambivalent to our quest was repugnant to me. I saw your pain, Emelia, and in another time I like to think that I would have been a better dwarf and made sure you understood that I cared. Because I did. Somewhere deep in my pride, I cared for you and worried for you as I did every other member of the company. But I could not, not when we were so close and not when I thought that your presence would somehow destroy what I had worked for for so long. But I should have known better and heeded the clear signs that were right in front of me. I knew of the Sickness that ran through my line, I had born witness to it in fact, and I still let myself succumb at your expense and the expense of so many others."
His hands gripped his cane ever tighter still as he took a deep, steadying breath.
"There are a great many things about you that frustrate me, but there is an even greater number that I admire. It became quite clear to me the longer we traveled together that you are an infinitely stubborn woman, impudent and loud and entirely unwilling to let others disrespect you. But you are also fiercely loyal, and compassionate towards others even when they do not deserve it, and have a streak of boldness that seems to have served you well above all else. You never looked at me like I was an exiled king, only a dwarf who seemed absolutely determined to make your already difficult situation worse. And you were right to look at me as such and that is my doing and mine alone. I let my pride turn me into a beast entirely unrecognizable, all in service of a father and grandfather who would have been ashamed if they could see what I became."
"Thorin…"
"I was wrong and I am sorry for what pain I caused you. I know that you have no reason to offer your forgiveness, but I will ask for it all the same, if not for myself than for my nephews."
"I don't…" Emelia started, trying to piece together a million different trains of thought. Some were forgiving, weepy almost, and urged her to lunge forward and wrap in him a tight hug and hold on for dear life. Others were more spiteful. Some told her to be mean, to make him experience every bad thought that she had had that he was the root cause of and prolong the whole ordeal if for nothing else than her own satisfaction.
"I had just lost my entire family when you found me. You obviously know this, but I think it might help to say it again. I didn't know it at the time, but three days before you rescued me from the trolls, I spent the last moments with my family that I'll ever have. I was so lonely and scared and probably clinically depressed for so long, even after I started traveling with the company, and it only started to get better because of Fili and Kili. Then it got so good part of me thought I was dreaming." Emelia paused only long enough to clear her throat. "And then you banished me and every single bit of goodness I had managed to claw back felt dangerously close to slipping away. I know I have a tendency to trend towards overly dramatic, but I really thought part of me died that day on Ravenhill. Because of you, I couldn't even be next to him. I couldn't hold his hand or feel his breath for myself or wipe his brow."
Emelia could feel herself building up to what she really wanted to say as her hands started to shake and her palms turned sweaty. "It wasn't your fault that Kili was as injured as he was, in fact it was mine. I'm zero for three at keeping Durins from avoiding traumatic injury, actually. Anyway, it wasn't your fault, but the fact that I couldn't be with him was. If he had died, I never would have been able to say goodbye. I never would have been able to tell him that I loved him one more time. And just like my family, I would have spent my last time with him without knowing it and I don't know if I ever would have been able to get over going through that kind of pain twice. You very nearly ruined my life, Thorin, and it's only because of some sort of divine intervention and some very strong self-reflection and commitment to addressing my mental health that it didn't happen."
"I understand."
"No, you don't. Because I'm about to be incredibly contradictory and illogical. I forgive you. I can't guarantee that I will act like it all the time, or that I won't feel angry about it sometimes, but I really, truly, from the bottom of my heart, forgive you."
Thorin was silent and for a moment Emelia worried that there was nothing that could be said between them that would fix the deep rift. He took a slight step forward, shaking and looking dangerously close to tipping over, and touched her arms. But he stopped just short of actually embracing her, waiting for her to close the rest of the space between them and wrap her arms around his middle.
Her head tucked under his chin as she turned to the side, staring at her name on the wall as he hugged her.
"You know, I wanted you to grovel." She pulled away and readjusted Thorin's overcoat, looking up at him as she took one step back. "Just for my own satisfaction."
Thorin smiled, the gesture reaching his eyes. He stepped back from her further and turned to the little fire and grabbed the edge of a little pot of gold that sat melting on top.
"Would you like to do the honors?" Thorin asked, holding out the little pot of molten gold to her. He turned it so that she could grab the handle with the thick fabric wrapped around it.
Her hand moved to grab it of its own accord before she got control of herself and shook her head.
It was his doing and by his hand, his actions that had caused all this trouble, and it should be by his hand that it was finally resolved.
Thorin understood.
Thorin extended the pot and tilted it, slowly pouring the molten gold over her name. It covered it entirely at first, blocking it out and erasing its existence, but then the gold filled in the crevices of the markings so that anyone who read it would be able to see it. They both watched the gold as it dripped down to the floor, slowing down as it hardened.
"So that's it?"
It was a bit anticlimactic, she thought, but she felt an incredible weight lift off her shoulders.
"That is it."
"Well, congrats, you're stuck with me now," Emelia said, clapping her hands together once as she turned around. "You do know that Kili is very likely to be a harder nut to crack than me."
"I am fully aware."
"He asked me to marry him," She said, watching as the remainder of the gold hardened. "I said yes because I love him. You should know that. It has probably been obvious for quite a while, but I hope you will be accepting of it, when the time comes." The time had always come and gone, but she truly could not imagine a worse time or place to tell him that little nugget. He did not seem overly shocked to hear it, although his mouth quirked into something that could be generously interpreted as acceptance. Emelia tucked it away for when she was more settled in the Mountain and cleared her throat. "But, I'm exhausted and hungry and my clothes are starting to tighten up from the cold, so…"
"Of course."
Thorin nodded and held out his arm, the gesture incredibly generous despite the fact that Emelia was fully aware, given his unsteadiness on his prosthetic leg and his heavy reliance on a cane, that it was just as much for his benefit as it was for hers. The walk back to her room felt like it took half the time, the lack of anticipation making it borderline comfortable. The door to her room was standing open and the guards were gone, but Emelia could hear the sound of laughter floating out.
It stopped as their footsteps approached and Fili stuck his head out the door, followed quickly by a very clean Kili. His hair was fuzzy and still a little damp and he was dressed in some of the finest fabric she had ever seen. She felt even more homeless with each passing moment and no amount wearing Thorin's overcoat would change that fact.
"Emelia, Uncle," He greeted, smile cautious as he looked down at their arms. "We had food sent up."
Thorin stopped, wobbling slightly.
"I think I will retire for the evening. My leg is paining me," He said, patting Emelia's hand as he unlooped his arm from hers. He made eye contact with Fili briefly, lingering for only a moment, before his gaze moved to Kili.
Kili stared at him, expression deceptively calm and borderline frosty.
Emelia could practically feel the awkward so she stepped forward and went to her door, turning around to nod at Thorin. "Good night, Thorin."
He inclined his head and turned away, retreating to what she assumed were his own rooms at the end of the wing. When it was just the three of them, Fili let out a low whistle and shook his head. "Well, that was uncomfortable."
"You have no idea. Now, let's eat before my stomach caves in on itself."
She sidestepped around them and practically sprinted towards the large tray of food sitting by the fire. It was almost as large as the usual hobbit spread, complete with every type of meat, bread, and cheese imaginable. They even included an entire chocolate cake, suspiciously missing a swipe of icing already, and a plethora of tiny little puff pastries. She wasn't sure where she wanted to start, so she grabbed the largest block of cheese and took a bite, letting out an involuntary moan.
Fili dropped down into the seat Thorin had sat in only a few hours before and helped himself to a crispy turkey leg.
Kili moved to stand in front of Emelia and lifted her up, ooching his way underneath her until she settled on his lap, happily committed to eating her entire block of cheese.
"Good progress?" Fili asked, words a little hard to understand through the mass of turkey currently in his mouth.
"Yep. I am officially unbanished and my name is no longer on the wall of shame. Well, technically it is, but it's now gotten a fancy new makeover." She leaned forward and grabbed a roll for Kili, holding it over her shoulder to him as she settled back down on his lap. "But, it's not like we're exactly close or anything and that isn't likely to change anytime soon."
Kili snorted, the arm resting next to her hip moving to the side of the chair.
"Do not be like that, Kili," Fili said.
"Tomorrow, he is going to try and talk to me and I am going to have to decide if I can forgive him. I know I should be thankful that we are all here, but every single time I think about it, I get angry."
"Tell him that. Yell, scream, maybe even throw a punch if you need to, but you have to get it over with so that we can all move on to the happy business of living our lives." Emelia rotated in place and looked at him, admiring the way the fire danced across his features. "But you don't have to think about it tonight. Instead, you have the distinct honor and privilege of helping me unpack."
"I will take that as my cue to leave," Fili said, finishing off his turkey leg and standing up. "Kili, if you're going to sneak around, I would suggest you do so before Ma gets up for her morning prayers."
Kili groaned but nodded. He waved his hand to Fili as he left, closing the door behind him and leaving the two of them alone with a final knowing grin. The moment the door clicked closed, Kili wrapped both his arms around Emelia's waist and pulled her back, pressing his nose into the bit of skin between Thorin's thick overcoat and her hair. His left hand snaked further, moving to the front of her stomach before traveling up.
"We really do have to unpack," She said, gigging at the feeling of his beard on the back of her neck.
"I thought that was a fun euphemism."
"Help me, and it can be."
She forcibly pried herself from his grip and stood up, setting aside her half eaten block of cheese on her way to her piles of stuff. She threw off the overcoat and draped it over Fili's abandoned chair followed quickly by Kili's cloak. Despite the fact that she was serious about getting her things put away, she couldn't help but pull off her traveling dress and toss it aside, smirking at the look on his face as he scrambled out of his chair, hands finding her.
"So predictable," She said, squirming out of his grasp once again as she pulled off her shift, leaving her in nothing but her woolen leggings and boots.
The boots were practically disintegrated now, poor things, and had reached the end of their life.
"It might be time to retire those, amrâlimê," Kili said, bending down. He touched her calf, coaxing her leg up so he could hold her foot in his hand.
"I don't know what that means."
"My love. You have to start learning khuzdul eventually."
"Say it again."
"Amrâlimê." His hand moved up her calf and found purchase on the inside of her thigh. His fingers splayed out, digging in as he pulled her closer to him.
"Amrâlimê," Emelia repeated, hoping she wasn't butchering it too bad. Her fears quickly dissipated, however, when he pulled her the rest of the way and stood up, kissing her with abandon. His arms circled around her hips and she jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist, unpacking plans entirely forgotten. He started to walk back to the smaller doors that led to her bedroom, tripping three times over her bags before he found his proper footing.
Her boots knocked together behind his back and she stopped.
"What? Is something wrong?"
She unhooked her legs from around him and pulled back, looking down at her boots. She bent down and touched the top, fingers running over the lip a few times before she signed and started to pull them off. First the right, the one where the bottom of her foot showed through the abused rubber and her pinky toe always got caught on the flattened lining. Then the left, the one covered in so much blood it was two shades darker than the other and smelled of old metal. They no longer looked like a product of her modern world, too broken in and destroyed, but they were the last piece of her old life and she could not help but clutch them tightly to her chest.
Kili touched the small of her back, his warm hand startling her back to reality.
"My mom gave me these," She finally said, holding them away from her chest just enough for him to look at them as well. "You're right, though. It's time to retire them. They're just boots, so I don't know why it hurts so much, but it does."
Kili held out the hand not touching her back, waiting for her permission before he took the boots from her. He held them reverently, like he was cradling a baby instead of a manky old pair of shoes, and turned away from her. He walked to the hearth and for a horrible moment she thought he might throw them into the roaring fire. But then he placed them on the mantle, arranging them just so, before he stepped back and came to stand next to her.
"Your mother was a prophet, Em. Those boots have served you better than any."
"I'll need to get a new pair," She said, leaning into him and resting her head on his chest. "A dwarvish pair."
He hummed in agreement, kissing the top of her head. "Are you happy to be here?"
"I'm happy to be home," She said, tilting her head up to look at him. "And I'm happy to be with you. Now, let's unpack before we waste the night being nostalgic over a pair of shoes."
"I still cannot tell if that is a euphemism."
She popped up on her toes and kissed the underside of his chin before she stepped back, a wicked smile on her face. She made eye contact with him as she rolled off her woolen leggings and started to walk to the bedroom. "I'll leave that open for you to decide."
He hurried after her, unpacking plans all but forgotten.
Happy eight year anniversary to this story! That is physically painful for me to write, as I had no idea it would take me this fucking long to write a hobbit fanfiction, but here we are, kiddos.
I noticed the review count dropped quite a bit on the last two chapters, so I'm hoping it's not anything glaring wrong.
I hope the reunion with Thorin was good. There is only so much that can be said before it becomes unnecessarily overwrought. But! Kili and Thorin still have to talk and Emelia still has a lot to do before she is accepted by the dwarves to marry Kili (again lol) and get Dis' approval.
Anywho! Right now, I have six more chapters plotted out and still quite a bit to cover before the end so it isn't time for us to say goodbye just yet. Also, after I finish this story I will be writing the continuation which takes place during the Lord of the Rings, so if that interests you, slide on over to it and give it a follow so you don't miss it!