DDronewar: Thank You.
Doubts
Doubt is the school of truth
Francis Bacon
In February, the sun set early. It was only 6 p.m. and night was already falling. The light illuminating Fuyuki had turned purple. From Homurahara Academy, the street waved on the hillside like a long asphalt snake. On the way down to the city, we walked along an artificial cliff supported by concrete buttresses. The view extended far over the city sinking into darkness. And one could contemplate the sea which seemed to be transformed into mercury in fusion by the scarlet rays of the sun disappearing behind the mountains.
One of those wonders offered by nature that one often forgot to look at, blasé by the repetition of the show, every day.
But today Pyrrha would have gladly lingered to contemplate the sunset. The events of the day had greatly disturbed her and the calm beauty of this magical moment soothed her tormented heart.
Pyrrha Nikos came to this world because it offered her a second chance to live but, above all, because a frightful danger threatened and an incomprehensible entity had chosen the redhead girl to prevent this catastrophe.
The Invincible Girl had witnessed the prodigies performed by the Magi and Servants and the abject behavior of some Masters. Rider and Caster's Masters had no respect for life.
The first was preparing the death of a large number of students and teachers whose only "crime" was to be defenseless and unaware of the threat that weighed on them. Moreover, in all probability, Rider had been summoned by Shinji Matou... the brother of her best friend, hence the doubts of the Amazon Girl about how to manage the situation. Ideally, she would have to neutralize Shinji without killing him... Of course, he was not worth much. But despite this, Sakura loved her brother and would mourn him if he died.
As for Caster's Master, he kidnapped children... and probably not for reasons that Pyrrha wanted to know.
But the worst part...
Pyrrha shook her head.
Her instinct told her that the worst was yet to come. This infernal conflict was still in its infancy. The most dangerous player was still hidden in the shadows. As a good poker player, he waited for everyone to reveal his game to lay his cards on the table.
King Arthur was also thinking. In fact, he was worried about the abilities of the Servants that had appeared until then. Lancer... he could beat him, he was sure. Berserker? He would have to resort to his Noble Phantasm. But even if Arthur was less confident, we were still talking about the demigod Heracles, he thought he'd win too.
The Archer and Rider of this Grail War were less dangerous than those he had faced in the previous war... and they probably did not have such detestable personalities. Iskandar... The King of Macedonia Alexander the Great... He was a shameless looter who believed that the right of the strongest was always the best. As for the Archer of the Fourth Grail War... Saber sighed. He still ignored Archer's True Name. One thing was certain, he must have been a frightful tyrant, perhaps Nero, Caligula, Sardanapalus or Absalom.
That was the problem he wanted to think about. He had to be ready to fight his new opponents. So Saber had to imagine a tactic to defeat them...
Another problem arose for him... much more immediate, something that disturbed him and prevented him from devoting himself to his task as a Servant. In fact, Saber had never regretted so much as now that he couldn't astralize...
He walked beside his Master (ready to summon his armor and fight to protect Pyrrha!) and... He was exposed to the eyes of all. In particular of a trio of girls wearing the school uniform of Homurahara Academy who followed them discreetly... or rather who thought they were discreet...
Much had changed since Arthur ruled Britain. The men had built vehicles without horses, they had built flying machines... they had even gone to the moon! But the teenage girls had not changed since his time!
Gathered shoulder to shoulder, whispering and giggling, they making goo-goo eyes watching Arthur before starting to chortle then throwing jealous looks at Pyrrha! Saber also regretted the sharp senses of the Servants. He heard all the stupid comments, the enamored sighs of teenage girls, and the assumptions they stupidly made about his relationship with Pyrrha.
He refrained from sighing... it would have been unworthy of him.
One thing was certain, tomorrow, all Homurahara Academy would be aware that a "beautiful secret fiancé" had brought Pyrrha home!
[Still remembering bad memories?]
Merlin's mental voice irritated Arthur. Nevertheless, he tried to hide it... If Merlin felt that her intervention annoyed him, she would insist. The Magician enjoyed this kind of situation.
And she insisted, she hardly let go, a real killer dog:
[I wonder what Pyrrha would think if she learned that you were hiding in empty rooms in Camelot to escape your admirers!]
[It's worth remembering some bad memories, Merlin! You know what the word "tact" means?]
[Always at your service, my king!]
In the years leading up to his marriage to Guinevere, Arthur had been very popular among young noble girls of married age. Think about it! With his physique of "Charming Prince" and especially his rank of a young single king, he was the "capture target number 1" in the Kingdom of Britain, to use the vocabulary of Illyasviel von Einsbern (entirely drawn from shoujo mangas and otome games).
Things got a little better after he married Guinevere. Finally, just a little... as it was common knowledge that the queen was unfaithful to him, many young women sought to isolate themselves with him to make unwelcome statements to him.
[I've never understood why this bothers you so much. I know many men who would be happy to please women as much as you.]
[I am a Christian knight, a faithful husband, and an honorable king. Moreover, it is MY life! I live it as I see fit.] replied Arthur. [Finally, I suppose that a pagan magician cannot understand this. For repeatedly interfering with mortal destiny, you have been locked up for all eternity. Not everyone liked your little jokes.]
Only silence answered Arthur. He had probably wounded Merlin, but she had it coming.
He shrugged his shoulders. She would recover quickly... unfortunately! Everything he said went in one of her ear and out the other. If she had been able to learn from her failures, things would have ended differently.
On their way to Emiya residence, Pyrrha mentally addressed Arthur:
[Saber, you haven't told me yet about the fight between Archer and Rider.]
Indeed, all that the Invincible Girl knew was that the two Servants had clashed in the forest behind the school and that Arthur had been forced to intervene to prevent Rider from killing Archer.
Her Servant made a quick but precise summary of the clash and Pyrrha simply nodded. She had been called "Invincible Girl" because she triumphed over all her opponents with disconcerting ease. Many thought she had some kind of "gift" that would make her stronger than others. The truth was quite different. Pyrrha's ability to counter her opponents was not innate. She was very intelligent, able to analyze the behavior of her enemies and therefore to predict their actions. As an excellent tactician, she used her knowledge of an opponent to channel its attacks and reduce its flexibility.
Her ability to analyze worked on what she saw, but also on the descriptions of a witness, or a book... or even the boring lessons of Professor Port.
[So Rider is at once, strong, fast, agile, and able to perceive her environment at 360°. She uses her abilities to hide and ambush or hit-and-run tactics.]
[Yes, Pyrrha.]
[From what you told me, Archer was vastly outclassed. How did he survive?]
[I didn't see the beginning of the fight but it's obvious that he managed to trap Rider in one way or another to force her to close combat. Then, Archer used to fight opponents stronger than him. Not to mention that his combat experience is superior to that of Rider, this has - partially- offset Rider's advantage. ]
[But he was going to lose so you intervened.]
[Of course but...] Arthur stopped, staring at one end of the street without seeing it, his mental "eye" fixed on his memories of the fight. [I think Rider might be unpleasantly surprised if they had to fight again, especially if this fight were to take place in a less ambush-friendly environment.]
[Why do you say that?]
[No specific reason, Pyrrha, just an impression... but I know I can rely on my fighting instinct for this kind of thing. And I'm sure Archer still has some spare skills. Even his Noble Phantasm! ]
[The arrow that failed to kill me?] did she question.
Arthur went on again:
[If this is his Noble Phantasm.]
They were approaching Emiya Residence which was further down the street, past the crossroads. The Spartan Girl still had questions and hurried to ask them:
[I feel that this fight has troubled you, Saber.]
[I can only praise your psychological talent, Master.] He spared himself a break, then: [Archer appears impossible. In one sense it is nothing heroic... In another it is more worthy of the title of Hero than any other Servant.]
Pyrrha frowned, challenged by the definition given by her Servant:
[What do you mean, Saber?]
[The term "Hero" comes from ancient Greek. In its first sense, it means "demigod". Heroes are beings born with a supernatural heritage that separates them from other men. They are born afflicted by a fate most often tragic... There's no such thing as happy heroes. Look at Heracles, Cù Chulainn or me. Our lives are strangely alike. The three of us died of revenge, the three of us killed our own children, and the three of us were betrayed by friends. However, I don't think Archer received that kind of legacy. Rather, I believe that he was born under ordinary circumstances, from normal parents, but that an accident forced him to bear a burden worthy of a Hero. What he did allow him, after his death, to be welcomed into the Throne of Heroes... unless...]
Arthur paused with a dreamy air, which intrigued Pyrrha who urged him to continue:
[Unless... what?]
[Master, what do you know about the Throne of Heroes?]
[Nothing more than what I learned from listening to you and Merlin. I had never heard of it before the beginning of the Grail War. From what I understand, this is the place where the souls of dead Heroes are kept. The Grail invokes a copy which is returned to the Throne of Heroes after his death, where it merges into the original in the form of additional experience. ]
Arthur had a smile:
[True, except that the Throne does not only welcome the Heroes' Souls. It also welcomes the souls of the antiheroes... the greatest tyrants, the ruthless conquerors, the criminals' genius...]
But Arthur raised his hand warning the remark that Pyrrha was about to say:
[Normally, it is impossible to invoke antiheroes. The Grail accepts only real Heroes. It was conceived like this, after all.]
Saber had said these late words with a feeling of unease. Well aware that this was the theory and that the theory did not explain the presence of Gilles de Rais, the Caster of the Fourth Grail War... of course, there were always exceptions. After all, not everyone had the same definition of what a Hero was. For most people, Vlad Dracul was a horrible tyrant and a fanatic of great cruelty... but in Romania he was a national hero because he had stopped the invasion of the Turks.
[Archer has not the behavior of an antihero... absolutely not! But he could belong to a third category... the Alaya's dogs.]
The term Alaya was familiar to Pyrrha. It was the name that the Magi gave to the incarnation of the "Will of Humanity". A sort of gestalt of all human souls endowed with a will of their own. And...
[Kiritsugu once told me that the Magi who sought access to certain forbidden domains like the Other Face of the World or go back in time were being destroyed by agents of Gaia or Alaya.]
[Exactly! Counter Guardian, also called the Protectors of Balance, is a broad classification of Heroic Spirits made up of heroes who are not worshipped, utilized as a mindless Counter Force. Other Heroic Spirits have a high Divinity and act as existences closer to the planet than humanity, so they are able to avoid being drafted by the Counter Force. Normal circumstances are those where the Counter Force empowers a "normal person" in life to remove the factor that can trigger destruction, eventually causing them to be worshipped as Heroes. Those who become Heroes in such a manner are then used as Counter Guardians, the "Counter" emphasized because they act with no autonomy of their own and only appear in response to an event.]
[Mindless Counter Force!] Pyrrha exclaimed, shocked by what her Servant suggested.
[Basically, they are mere extension of Alaya's power and used by this entity like... pawns. But, in theory, nothing prevents an Alaya's dog from being invoked as a Servant in a Grail's War.]
The traditional wall crowned with blue tiles and the portal decorated with a Japanese-style roof of the Emiya Residence was close, they stopped their conversation.
Pyrrha had stayed in his room for a while to work on her schoolwork. In spite of the raging Grail War, life continued its course and the mid-term exams would not be long. Despite all the strange events of the last few days, it was still the first reason to stress for the students of Homurahara Academy.
She was still working and the doorbell started ringing. Like every night, Sakura had just arrived.
The Amazon Girl gave up her exercises without remorse to go into the lobby. Her friend finished taking off her shoes and offered her a bright smile. On her arm, she had a white plastic bag with the logo of a nearby supermarket. Not only did Sakura Matou finish her homework before Pyrrha, but she even had time to shop for the evening meal.
They crossed the entrance hallway and then entered the dining room.
The two teenage girls found Saber there, watching television distractingly. The handsome young blond man was kneeling in a perfect seiza position, strangely incongruous for a Westerner. Seeing Sakura arrive, he greeted her with a very formal nod of the head:
"Konbam wa, Matou-san" (Good evening, Miss Matou).
"Konbam wa, Saber-san" she replied with a deep bow. Then, in a shy little voice, Sakura added: "Shitsurei-shimasu" (Sorry to disturb you).
Visibly intimidated by the knight, she immediately went to the kitchen and began to prepare the evening dinner while Pyrrha set the table.
As always, Taiga Fujimura appeared just as Sakura was finishing cooking. And as always, she ran to the kitchen and opened the door like a personified hurricane.
As Tiger waved her hand, Pyrrha noted that she had arrived with two bags. The English teacher placed one beside the door and beckoned to Sakura:
"Here, I got your bag."
The young Matou rested the pan she held in her hand, and bowed:
"Arigato-gozaimasu, Fuji-nee" (Thank you very much, Fuji-nee). "Put it down, will you?"
Taiga sat in her usual place, and took her chopsticks, her gaze passing over the different dishes. For once, it was not Japanese cuisine, but Chinese recipes: Soup with melon and ham; dim sims; leek prawns. Her eyes shone and the house domestic tiger enthusiastically threw herself on the food:
"Itadakimasu" (enjoy your meal).
The other guests resumed the formula in chorus.
As for Taiga... she seemed to have turned into an octopus. Tapping food in the different dishes in front of her with such rapidity that she seemed to have eight arms. She stopped for a brief moment to turn to the chef:
"Sakura, you're pretty, you're as sweet as an angel, and you cook admirably. You are a catch; the man who marries you will be the happiest of mortals."
Sakura, seated at the end of the table, near the pressure cooker filled with rice ready to satisfy the never-ending appetite of the domestic tiger, blushed and looked down:
"Oh no, I'm not that perfect... "
Pyrrha smiled at her friend and then changed the conversation, knowing by habit how much the compliments bothered her friend:
"Tell me, Taiga, what's in the bags you brought?"
"Change of clothes, the kimono that I use for pajamas and toiletries."
Since Taiga lived right next door to the house, it seemed absurd unless...
"Uh... are you planning on sleeping somewhere?"
Pyrrha suddenly realized that the second bag belonged to the young Matou:
"With Sakura?"
Suddenly serious (a rarity) Taiga Fujimura rested her bowl:
"Sakura and I are going to spend the night here. There is no way we are going to leave you alone here with a stranger who could take advantage of you!"
Horrified, the Invincible Girl turned to Sakura Matou, but the girl replied with a simple nod of head. She had a determined expression on the face. But the Tiger of Fuyuki had not finished. The English teacher pointed her spoon towards the ceiling like a conqueror brandishing his sword. The image of a cartoon tiger, adorned with the rays of the rising sun, appeared behind her:
"The three of us will sleep in the big bedroom; you will be between the two of us so that we can be sure that nothing will happen!"
Sakura acquiesced once again without abandoning this determined look which proclaimed that she supported Taiga 100%!
Pyrrha gave Saber a sorry glance and then hid her face behind her hands. She was divided between laughter and a desire to cry... But how were they going to get out tonight and look for the other Servants!?
"God, protect me from my Friends. My enemies, I will take them!"
It had been dark for a long time when Arthur sat on the wooden floor surrounding the inner courtyard. The night wind was calm and peaceful. In the sky, torn clouds partially hid the stars, but the silver glow of the moon could be guessed among the clouds.
For a mortal, that February night would have been cold.
It would have snowed if the weather had been in the rain.
The kind of night where mortals would lock themselves in their homes would huddle under their duvets to watch movies on television and drink hot chocolate.
As a Servant, Arthur did not feel cold in the same way as humans. By a strange paradox, his body formed of magical energy copied most of the functions of a living being. He could eat and sleep, which helped him regenerate his mana. Conversely, if he was unable to breathe, he could no longer regenerate his mana.
It was the remnant of his human nature.
Nevertheless, neither the cold nor the cosmic void could kill him. Even a fall from the top of the twentieth floor of a building would be unable to hurt him.
Only the Magecraft, a formal wear or... a simple table knife held by another Servant could hurt him. Yet he shuddered as the wind roared, wrapping around him and swirling leaves.
He could feel cold, he felt hunger and pain... and it was reassuring. These vestiges of his humanity reminded him that he was still alive... in a way.
Thinking thoughtfully, Arthur looked at his hand. He closed the fist, reopened it, and moved his fingers. He felt no real difference between his present body and the one he had had during his lifetime. But in combat, he was much more powerful.
And that was a problem...
Alone of all the Servants, he was still alive... to some extent... Alone of all the Servants, he still had the right to intervene in the destiny of mortals. With all that this implied! Because the temptation to intervene was strong it did not mean that this impulse was wise or right. The power to do things involved taking responsibility for own actions. But he did not have the hindsight to really understand the world in which he had been invoked. Certainly, the Grail gave him all the information he needed to use a car or to be able to understand the subject of a conversation, but his mind had not changed... he was a man born on the other side of the world more than fifteen centuries ago!
He was only a traveler who stayed only a few weeks at a time before disappearing. He could not see the consequences of his decisions...
Or rather, he should not have seen the consequences of his actions. By some absurd chance or cosmic game far beyond his comprehension, he had been invoked in two successive Grail Wars.
The first night in this world, escorting Pyrrha, he went to Kotomine Church to meet the arbitrator of the conflict.
Ten years earlier, he had destroyed in the bay the sea monster invoked by Gilles de Rais. Excalibur had caused a wave of golden destruction that had completely disintegrated the creature and caused a tidal wave that had sunk a ship at dock.
On his return, while crossing the bridge connecting the two banks of Mion River, he had seen the wreckage of the vessel which he had destroyed that night. His actions, Kirisugu's orders... Iri's... all this continued to shape the world. Iri and Kiritsugu had died, another generation of Masters had replaced the previous one, but the Grail War resumed on the ruins of the previous one.
Other Magi willing to sacrifice innocent people... or even the people they loved convinced that achieving their goal deserved those sacrifices. But whatever the purity of their intention at the start, or the selfishness of their impure desires, they would die likewise. The Grail had never yet granted a wish, even though it had been built for granting this miracle.
The perpetuation of this endless cycle of death was far beyond him...
But in the end, he was no different. He too was trapped in this war. He had sacrificed the people he loved, his family, his wife, his friends; he had even stained his hands with the blood of his own son. He had done it to defend his kingdom... and he had failed to prevent its fall.
He HAD to change that.
That's why he took part in the Fourth Grail War.
And that's why he was now participating in the fifth...
But the events of the previous war had upset his convictions. Archer had admonished him as if he were just a child playing with a crown, calling him a buffoon. Iskandar had told him that he was certainly a saint, but absolutely not a king because he had not understood that a king had not to sacrifice himself for his people but had to lead them. The worst was the hateful and angry monster summoned as Berserker... a monster with the face of Lancelot, his best friend... devoured by the desire to kill him.
He had lost the conviction to do the right thing. All he had left were nagging doubts about everything he had done... Had he made a single correct decision or had he been wrong all along?
Behind him, he heard the glass door sliding. He turned around, torn from the morose cycle of the depression by the presence of Pyrrha.
Arthur remained for a moment surprised and unable to speak. Pyrrha wore a white yukata with a green print pattern. For the first time since he knew her hair was not tied, falling on her shoulders.
He thought she was beautiful.
And he was embarrassed because it seemed to him a parasitic thought... something that interfered as much with his mission as a Servant as with the mission to save his kingdom as he had imposed himself.
"Saber?"
She was about to speak, but the wind surrounded her, roaring like a damned one, and she retreated, blowing a misty breath while rubbing her shoulders vigorously.
Arthur smiles:
"Come on, let's go home, you'll catch a cold if you stay here."
Taking her by the wrist, Saber pulled her down the hallway without her resisting and closed the French window behind them.
"Why did you want to see me, Pyrrha?"
"Uh... you can let go of me now."
Arthur only realized at that moment that he was holding her wrist...
"Oh, excuse me." He coughed in his fist and regained control: "Let me ask again, why you wanted to see me?"
"Uh... that's... I wanted to apologize for the behavior of Taiga and Sakura." She shook her head, absolutely furious: "And since old Zouken Matou allowed his granddaughter to stay for the night, I can't say much!"
Vaguely worried, Arthur raised an eyebrow when he heard the name Zouken mentioned. He was never associated with anything positive. Nevertheless, he bowed slightly:
"Pyrrha, as embarrassing as their desire to protect you may be, is a reflection of the love that Fujimura-san and Matou-san have for you. He's only invasive because he's strong."
Pyrrha sighed, shaking her head:
"I'd rather they showed it to me differently."
He smiled and resumed the conversation by "speaking" through the mental bond uniting him to his Master:
[Anyway, it's not very important. Nothing prevents me from going out tonight to patrol the city in search of other Servants.]
Pyrrha startled:
[Without me?!]
Arthur gets stiff:
[You saw it when Archer failed to kill you, you can do nothing against a Servant. You'll be a lot safer here than with me!]
Pyrrha was going to protest when a second "voice" resounds on the mental bond:
[Oh no, wait a minute to argue.]
There was a silence then Arthur nodded:
[Merlin is right. We shouldn't be arguing about this for anything...]
Merlin cut it:
[No, that's not what I told you. Fight all you want, but wait till I get my popcorn out of the microwave. Don't deprive me of my daily soap!]
Arthur looked up at the ceiling. For the first time since Pyrrha knew him, the legendary King appeared to be losing his composure. His expression was worth a speech. He seemed to shout: "Why me? What did I do to Heaven to deserve this?"
As for Pyrrha Nikos, she was surprised by... the mention of a micro-wave... her idea of Avalon (with fairies, unicorns, dragons, castles, and an eternal spring) took a big slap!
Besides...
The image she had of Merlin was becoming less and less flattering... In fact, Merlin was probably the oldest otaku on the planet!
For a moment, she imagined Merlin dressed in these ridiculous pajamas with a hood with ears and slippers resembling animal paws that made those who wore them look like a giant teddy bear. Lying on the floor of a messy room, the magician was watching TV, pounding on junk food, and drinking cola.
As she giggling, Pyrrha heard Merlin words:
[You, you are imagining something dangerous for your health...]
The Invincible Girl had a contrite smile by scratching the back of her head without denying it.