Song Remains the Same
Chapter 100 / Murphy's Law
"It's decidedly bizarre when the Worst Thing happens and you find yourself still conscious, still breathing."
- Elisa Albert
Cas was sitting on the couch opposite of the tiny old television in Rufus's hunting cabin. Poor cable reception was picking up a black-and-white episode of Gilligan's Island which the angel watched in rapt fascination.
Sam sat at the kitchen table listlessly, half-watching Cas and half-watching the TV screen in between other thoughts that competed for his attention. He was preoccupied and anxious (what else was new?). He was beginning to think of going to the basement to check on Dean, Alex, and Kevin and see if they were making any progress with the tablet. Or he could go check on Meg, who'd wandered off to who knows where. Probably should look into that. Just as he idly contemplated that idea, his ears caught what sounded like a muffled bellow behind the noisy chatter of the characters on the television. Going tense, Sam squinted and frowned, listening hard for any sign that something was up. For a second, he heard nothing and was just about to decide he had been hearing things… and then for sure he heard a female voice screaming something incoherent. Even as Sam's instincts went red-alert at the realization that something must be wrong, even as he stood up like a bolt of lightning, footsteps pounded up the stairs and then Alex burst into the room. She was red-faced, absolutely furious and breathless, looking like she could punch something or break down crying—he wasn't sure which.
Sam stood back slightly because he was taken aback at her crazed appearance. "What's wrong?" he asked intently.
Alex didn't look at Sam. She didn't look at anyone. "I fucking hate him, hate him!" she shouted. Cas looked over at her in vaguely concerned interest from his perch on the couch, Sam blinked twice, his eyebrows knitting together further. What the hell had he missed in the last thirty minutes or so? Apparently something big. "I can't do this anymore, I won't live with someone who thinks he can boss me around and judge my every last move and abuse my emotions all day long!" Alex screeched as she literally shook from unrestrained anger. "I had enough of that shit with Dad!"
She was about to get inconsolable. Sam held out his hands toward her, a little out of his element because she was so unhinged and he wasn't really sure why yet. "Hey, whoa whoa whoa, just—just calm down," he counseled.
"I can't calm down!" she shouted even louder, voice cracking and screeching. "He is the most selfish, arrogant, rude, horrible person I have ever met!"
Although he realized something big had to have happened to make her scream this stuff, Sam was currently just focused on getting her to deescalate. "Hey—whoa—" he insisted carefully, firmly taking her by the upper arms and trying to be calm so she would calm down too. He expected her to wrench away from him and maybe sock him in the stomach and scream at him to leave her alone. So when she gave a sobbing noise and launched herself at Sam and hugged her arms around him like a vice, when she buried her face in his chest and began to cry, Sam was mystified and even more aghast than before. His arms cautiously circled around his sister as she wailed pathetically against him like a brokenhearted woman. "What… what happened?" he asked, getting more and more worried. Alex shook her head 'no' against Sam's chest, refusing to say. Sam's brotherly concern got more and more pronounced—Dean must have said something really messed up, and Sam was already getting pissed at his brother. "What'd he say to you?"
"It's me," Cas said somberly, and he stood up. Behind him, Gilligan's Island still played, a canned laugh-track droning on over the characters' melodramatic dialogue. "They were arguing about me." The angel paused, looking at Sam and Alex sadly. Then, his face went from pensive to abruptly very thoughtful and bright, like he'd had a wonderful idea pop into his mind. "I think I should plant a garden in the front of the house facing northeast, it would receive good sunlight and be ideal for a rosebush among other things, what do you two think?"
Sam gave the angel a look that said it all. "I think we can discuss botany some other time, Cas!" he exclaimed, voice a little high-pitched in disbelief. The angel was so gone it wasn't even funny. Alex was standing here crying and Cas wanted to talk about garden plans?
Cas was chastened again. "Oh, my apologies. I should be comforting her, too." He didn't move at all though. He only got more serious and grim, even a little guilty as he stood off and let Sam be the only one who did the comforting. "But… I'm the one who caused the problem in the first place so it seems perhaps I should keep my distance."
Alex abruptly got fired up by what Cas had said, forgetting her tears as she stood upright and yanked out of Sam's gentle hug. "No—no you're not the problem!" she insisted in Cas's direction, using a voice that was hard as stone. "The problem is downstairs—" she stabbed a finger downward for effect, "—and he's six foot, two hundred pounds of booze and emotional bullshit and I am done, done." Her brief flareup of anger gave way to true sadness, and as such, Alex tried extra hard to cover it up with that rock-hard voice. "He doesn't have to like this or us or even me, but he isn't the judge and jury of the entire world, he's not my boss or my dad, he's not the only person whose feelings matter, he doesn't have to be such a dick!" She gave a sudden sob that visibly affected her entire body and she covered her mouth and turned away from Sam, utterly distraught. He watched her powerlessly, unsure how to help her, unsure what had happened. "How could he say that to me?" she asked almost to herself, voice rasping from the effect of tears.
"Alex, what'd he say?" Sam asked again in anxious gentleness, dreading to know what words could have gotten Alex so worked up but needing to know either way.
She whirled around and looked at Sam like she was angry at him for asking. Her eyes glittered with tears. "That he wished I never got my voice back!"
He never would have predicted she would say that. It was like being slapped in the face when you least expected it. For a second, Sam thought he misheard, he thought there had to be some kind of mistake. "…What?" he asked, but her face stayed the exact same, and Sam felt like his blood was draining out of his face. His first thought was there was no way Dean would ever say that, but apparently he had. "Alex… he couldn't have meant that," Sam managed, shocked and hurt on her behalf and struggling to understand.
"I don't care what he meant, he still said it!" she exclaimed, hurt written on every detail of her face. At Sam's stunned silence, she abruptly gave up and turned and clomped away into the kitchen, which was just off the small main room. It was the most private area around besides the tiny bedroom in the back of the house.
Cas trailed after her. "Did you know that—" he began in an innocent, inquisitive tone.
Alex whirled. "I don't care!" she shrieked. "I don't care about kangaroo vaginas or pig orgasms or how long an elephant is pregnant for or how many nerve endings are where doing what! I don't care, Cas!" She heaved in a few breaths as her expression revealed her frustration and growing inability to control her oncoming grief. "So stop it!"
Cas looked physically smaller and very shaken at her reprimand, then appropriately apologetic. "I'm sorry to have caused so much strife in your family. It was never my intention to be such a source of grief," he said quietly, meeting her gaze with his and for a moment that look gave her hope that he was of the mind to comfort her and talk with her about real things that actually mattered. And then he brightened and began to ramble excitedly, dashing her hopes. "I know! I'll make a romantic dinner for you, that will fix everything!" he exclaimed, then began to open the tiny old cabinets in the kitchen, looking for items excitedly as Alex gaped at him in crestfallen confusion. "Candles, wine, spaghetti and meatballs, a red checkered tablecloth—I wonder if I could get a violinist to serenade you," Cas rambled to himself, focused on his frenzied, hare-brained search through the cabinets. He stopped, looked at her with an eager grin. "Oh, or I could learn to play!" Abruptly, he frowned. "Where could I get a violin on such short notice, though?" His confusion gave way to another grin as he stared off dreamily at nothing. "Well, I am an angel, I'm sure I could find one somewhere…" he trailed off and lost confidence when he saw the look on her face. "Oh. You don't look like you like that idea." He stood there awkwardly and wracked his brain for a solution to her problem. "Um—a foot massage? Or a trip to someplace you'd like to visit for nostalgia's sake? A hug?"
Alex gave up. Her face crumpled, she slid down to sit with her back against the cabinet in a defeated slump and she looked at her right hand, which was trembling and red and pulsing with pain if she moved it at all. Cas was missing the point by a landslide. She was suffering in her heart and her soul—and he wanted to give her a teddy bear and a balloon and call it a day. "I broke my hand," she whispered, and began to cry. "I hit him and I broke my hand."
Never, ever had she ever thought Dean would wish such a cruel thing on her. Not after all the days he'd spent wiping childhood tears and sharing her pain at being isolated and mute. Not after all the times he'd said he would do anything to find her a way to talk. It hurt that he'd say that he wished she never got her voice back, but more than anything, it made her so angry because of the selfishness and thoughtlessness behind the words, the presumption of lost ownership or something. Dean knew what saying that would do to her emotionally and he'd said it anyway. Did he really think she only existed to meet his needs or something? She was her own person. Her own broken, messy, confused person who made mistakes. Mistakes he had no business trying to run or micromanage. Today, she felt like her world was shattered when her big brother basically implied that he cared more about what she could do for him than whether or not she was freed from the chains she'd been bound by so long. That hurt. She shuddered as tears became more pronounced. She felt so alone in that moment, so misunderstood, so very hurt and lost.
And then Cas sat down next to her very slowly, abruptly sensitive to her emotions like he used to be. Awkward and slow, he put his arm around her loosely, a hand on her shoulder. Alex stiffened, not sure about accepting affection even though she really needed it in that moment. Then Cas gently took her injured hand in his and when he did, he was able to see some white scar tissue on the inside of her wrist. "Scars," he murmured as Alex sniffed tearfully and watched him doubtfully. His thumb mournfully brushed over the marred skin. "Scars I put there." He gently touched the back of her hand, relieving the pain, fixing the broken bone. His eyes looked up into hers and there were entire galaxies inside those bright blue eyes of his. "The human body has two hundred and six bones in it," he said somberly. "I want all of yours to be happy. If bones can be happy, anyway. Can bones be happy, Alex?"
It would have been a cute question another day, maybe. But nothing had any light to it in that moment for Alex. She pulled her hand back to herself and rested both hands on her pulled-up knees. "How can bones be happy if I'm not?" she asked softly, staring off ahead of herself with a frozen, pained expression.
Cas was quiet for a second and he studied the side of her face. "It makes me very sad that you're sad," he said, sounding pained by association. There was a very long pause in which Alex continued to stare out at nothing and Cas looked at her in vexed silence. Then he chanced a slow, uncertain question. "Would you like me to throw your brother through a wall or something?" Alex looked up from her knees then turned her head slowly to look at Cas, who appeared to be second guessing his question. "That didn't sound like such a good idea once I said it out loud," he said lowly. He then reached over and tried to hold her hand, but she pulled it away mistrustfully. After the dream with the hand sex thing, she was wary and guarded. Cas looked hurt at her rejection of his touch, and for a moment he thought silently, trying to piece together why she spurned his touch. "Was what I did earlier… was that wrong?" he asked slowly, a deep frown on his face. "In the dream?"
"I don't know what it was," Alex said, avoiding his gaze. "It was weird." She paused, feeling awkward and embarrassed about having to say this. And also confused, because she hadn't ever predicted a day when she wouldn't want Cas's touch. But it wasn't right. Not with his mind like this. "I need… I need you to not touch me again like that," she said in the softest voice. "Unless I ask you to… don't."
Appearing sickened with himself and alarmed, Cas tried to find words and quickly nodded. "Of course," he said. It was easy to hear how embarrassed he was. "I'm—I'm sorry. I thought… I thought I was…"
"I know," she said, wanting to leave it behind and pretend it hadn't happened. "Just… not again."
"No," he said immediately, his face tense with dismay. "I won't." He abruptly shot to his feet, a manic expression on his face as he attempted to change the subject and right his wrong. "I know! I'll learn how to make cupcakes!" he said, a mad gleam in his eye as he began to formulate his plan aloud in a spastic, zealous voice. "Just for you, any kind you want, with icing, and, and sprinkles and whatever else you put on cupcakes, you'll have it. Nothing but the best for the one I love, the best." He began to turn in a circle and look for things like a madman. "A cookbook—" he muttered, then disappeared and reappeared with a huge baking recipe book. "An apron—" he muttered, then disappeared and reappeared a few feet off with a pink, flowered apron on over his outfit. "And of course I'll need the other necessary—" he disappeared, reappeared, then dumped an armful of stuff down, "—tools." He began to paw through his pile of things. "A whisk, a whisk…" he muttered to himself.
And that was the next few minutes of Alex's life. Cas whipping up a cupcake batter and studiously ignoring her in a bumbling way as she sat on the floor and stewed over everything. She was torn between rage and heartbreak. At Dean, at Cas for being a bumbling shell of himself, and finally at herself because she was always ready to blame herself most in any given situation even if she didn't deserve it. But mostly, she was angry with her brother. So when he slunk into the main room quietly with guilty eyes, when he dodged Sam's dirty look and headed for Alex and Cas, her blood boiled and she stood up, stone-faced.
Sam drifted after his brother with arms crossed, his eyes narrowed as he hung back at a safe distance, watching closely. Cas was just putting the cupcake batter into the oven in the kitchen. Dean gave the angel an odd look but otherwise ignored the cupcake thing and looked at his sister instead. "Hey," he greeted reluctantly. She had her arms crossed and an expression of contempt on her face and she pointedly did not look at him. "Listen, just—I'm sorry. Al, I shouldn't have said what I said," he said. Well that was putting it mildly. Her eyes glanced at him briefly and sharply. Dean looked like he was really having a hard time. "I was outta line, okay?" he asked, like that solved that. His eyes faltered away. "Especially with—you know."
Alex said nothing and looked away, clenching her jaw so a muscle jumped in her cheek.
Cas, at the oven in his little pink apron, looked back with a coy smile on his face. "It's funny, isn't it? Funny meaning ironic," he said, walking over a little to stand near Alex's side while looking at Dean. "How Dean is becoming the person he most dearly wished not to be." He paused at Dean's look of confusion and annoyance. "I'm referring to your father, John Winchester, of course."
Dean was visibly taken aback but quickly covered up with a glower. "Dude, I'm not interested in your opinion. Get back in the kitchen."
Cas was quiet a second, his expression showing that he was a little reluctant to cause any upset, but that he was resigned to the fact that he had to say what he had to say. "You upset my wife, Dean," he said in a pleasant enough tone. "I'm sorry, but I think this has gone on long enough."
Aggravated, Dean's voice became a tense growl. "Stop calling her that, Cas."
Cas glanced at Alex, who was glaring absolute daggers at Dean in silence. "I, um… I don't think she wants to talk to you, Dean," Cas said. As the tension-filled stare held between the brother and sister, Cas tried to play peacemaker. "Let's play Monopoly, doesn't that sound like fun? A bonding experience, a pleasant thing to pass the time?"
Dean's face finally revealed some real emotions. "Alex, come on," he pleaded. "I'm sorry."
Alex snapped internally. All the thoughts that had been simmering in hurt and anger propelled her to try and hurt her brother like he'd hurt her. "I don't care what you are," she said in a trembling, hard voice. "If it weren't for Sam, I'd be fucking gone right now, do you understand? I would take my broken, brain-dead angel and you would never see me again!" Dean looked exactly like she wanted him to look: affronted, guilty, hurt, shocked. "Cas has done unforgivable things to me, but he's never done what you have, he's never treated me like I'm his property, he's never wished I would be less of a person, that I would live crippled and isolated just for his own personal, selfish feelings—that was you!" The accusation she practically screamed had Dean looking unbelievably hurt and guilty, but Alex wasn't done. She was remembering every time her brother had tried to run her life and how she'd let him treat her like a whipping post and she wanted to tear into him for once, let him be the one who got verbally pummeled. Especially after what he'd said to her today. "You want me to stop putting up with men who abuse me and control me, right?" she asked sharp and hard. "Well, good. Because as far as I can see, you're first place winner in that category!" Dean withered, and Alex delivered the final blow, unable to see from how angry and hurt she was. "Cas should have left you in Hell, you bastard!"
And as soon as she let that bomb drop, as soon as the gut-wrenching hurt showed on his already-wounded face, Alex stormed past Dean with a shove, knocking him into the corner of the the countertop where utensils clattered down onto the floor noisily. Dean stared after his sister with a dumbstruck expression—he visibly couldn't believe she would say that to him. The front door of the cabin slammed as she exited the house. Cas hesitated, then still wearing his apron, disappeared in the blink of an eye. This left the two brothers. Sam was giving Dean a look that made the oldest Winchester get defensive to cover up his shaken emotions. "What, Sam?"
"What's your fucking problem, Dean?" Sam asked, not bothering to beat around the bush and not going easy on his brother. "You wish she never got her voice back?" When Dean didn't deny it, when all he did was silently confirm it with a slight change of expression, Sam got even more angry. "That is the single most screwed up thing you could ever have said to her...!" he said, voice rising. "What were you thinking?"
Dean's mouth flattened and he shrugged, eyes avoiding Sam's. "Guess I wasn't." He brushed past his brother, heading into the main room in an attempt to end the conversation.
Sam turned with him, incredulous. "That's it? That's all you got? 'Guess I wasn't'?"
Dean whirled, angry and hostile. "Leave me alone, Sam!"
"No!" Sam fired back. "I won't let you talk to her like that!"
Dean was wry. "Well it's kinda too late, don't you think? And what about what she just said to me?" he challenged. "What about that, Sam?"
Sam shook his head, fed up and taking a second to wet his lips and think things through. "Look," he said, speaking in a measured voice despite his obvious anger. "I'm gonna give you some time to cool off and come back to your senses from whatever the hell your problem is right now. I'm gonna let you get it together and then we'll talk about where to go from here, okay? But frankly, as far as I'm concerned, if you're gonna be constantly antagonizing everyone and bullying our little sister around like that, I'm taking her and we're out of here, Dean. You're outta control, man, and you know it. This isn't your first offense! I dunno what it is, but you're just like in this downward spiral this year and I can't just stand by anymore and not do something. The booze, the bloodlust, the rage you keep inside—it's gotta stop."
"You don't think I know that?" Dean demanded in a hard, furious voice. "Sorry, Sam, but my problems come last! They have to, I'm too busy saving the world to care about myself!" Dean turned again to walk away.
Sam didn't let it end there. "Well if you don't start caring, you're gonna end up dead on the side of the road somewhere!"
Dean turned around, amused in a cold way. "What is that, a threat?"
Sam's face showed contemptuous irritation. "Shut up, you know what I'm saying." Dean said nothing, just smirked like a jackass. "You gotta get the reigns again man," Sam said pleadingly. "I want my brother back."
There was a false smile and Dean spread his arms and let them smack down to his sides. "Well, you're lookin' at him."
"No." Sam shook his head, incredibly sad now. "I don't know who I'm looking at anymore."
Rolling his eyes to cover over deeper emotions, Dean looked like he'd had quite enough for the day. "Get over yourself, Sam," he muttered, then suddenly frowned as he looked around the small cabin. "Hey—where the hell is Meg?"
Sam hesitated. "…She wasn't with you?"
Dean shook his head no and the brothers had to put aside their bickering to deal with their latest discovery.
Outside, it was mid-day and pleasant, decidedly cool for the month of June. Birds twittered gaily in the woods around the cabin, and Alex hated it. If the weather had been better suited her mood it would have been raining hard and furious, there would be no escaping the tornado of hail and skin-ripping wind. But it was nice out. And she wanted to scream.
The youngest Winchester didn't even know where she was going, the only place she wanted to be was away—so she stomped down the driveway which was about five more miles of dirt until it let out to another gravel road. Cas suddenly appeared, blocking her way. She came up short, a little startled out of her pissy march. He was wearing the pink patterned apron and had some flour dusting both part of his jaw and the side of his nose—but his expression was sad and cautious. "You're angry."
His two gentle words made her even angrier. "No shit I'm angry!" she snapped, her anger and despair launching her into more hysterical rambling that came from repressed feelings that she had avoided, crushed down, and tried not to feel at all. "I don't need to be in love with you!" she shouted, and Cas visibly took a hit from hearing those words. "I don't need to look at you right now and want you to hold me and tell me it's gonna be okay! I don't need it!" she shrieked. "All any of you ever end up doing is hurting me and I'm so tired of it! I hate myself for being unable to get over you, for always forgiving my brothers, for always forgiving you, for caring either way about anyone, for always giving everyone a second, third, fourth goddamn chance!" Her anger was crumbling into the abyss of sadness that made up her insides. "I went through all that therapy and thought I had changed but look! I'm the same, my life's the same, everything's the same—and fuck this!" Alex redoubled her efforts to be outwardly hard when she began to get upset to the point of tears. "At least anger makes sense, at least anger is something I understand! I'd rather be angry than be hurt, so just leave me alone!"
She tried to push past him, but he stopped her with gentle hands. "But you are hurt," he said quietly. "Dean's hurt, too."
Alex bristled. "Well good for him," she retorted hotly. "I don't care."
Cas smiled faintly, like he was in on some grand secret. "That's not true," he said, apparently not on board with her BS for even a second. Cas inhaled and looked around in satisfaction. "Do you smell that? Fresh air. It has such a crisp sort of feeling to it, doesn't it." He gazed at their immediate surroundings with a fond little smile on his face. "Isn't it peculiar to think we're standing on a mass of matter flying around the sun at a velocity of sixty-six thousand miles an hour? Just a blip in the universe. And yet, the dew on a blade of grass. The call of the birds in the trees. How can those things be as small as they truly are? They feel big to me. Grand, beautiful." His calm wonder and awe about such beautiful if misplaced sentiments brought her down from her agitated levels, his observations about being a blip in the universe made her think for a second about what she should and shouldn't be angry about with that in consideration. Her feelings ruled her entire world so often. Maybe they shouldn't.
"Your ill feelings toward Dean," Cas said slowly, his eyes scanning a nearby tree thoughtfully. "I understand them. You're in deep, profound pain because of everything happening, but you're not the only one. Your brother is in more pain than I think he chooses to say. Of course, inevitably, his pain comes out in other ways. Ways designed to draw others into his pain with him and make them feel as miserable as he is. He's a very complex man," he said, smiling fondly to himself at the thought of Dean before he grew a little more somber. "Your tumultuous childhood has left him very confused, and well, I think it's left you confused, too." Alex gaped at Cas faintly. He caught the look and smiled wider. "What? Just because my mind is a little on the soupy side, doesn't mean I'm not still me," he said in a voice that suggested he was surprised she could think anything to the contrary. "The angel who loves you and is so, so sorry about what he did. What he said. The sadness he put into your eyes." Cas tilted his head to the side, bittersweet. "My best friend," he said of her in admiring sadness. "My intrepid companion. You deserve so much better than the hand you were dealt." He spoke about it so evenly, like it was something he had moved past, like it was a sad story but oh well. And then, showing that he'd been listening earlier, he did what she said she'd wanted and reassured her. "It's… 'gonna be okay,'" he said, using the phrasing she'd used and then pulling her into a hug that was timid and careful and uncertain.
Alex stood against him with her arms hanging at her sides as she stared blankly across his shoulder. Her heart hurt and her trust felt so damaged. She was beginning to think the only person she could trust was herself, but even that was a stretch. "Hoping is the thing that kills me," she said in a whisper after a moment. Hoping Dean would change and stop subjecting her to the manipulation and control and guilt trips. Hoping that Cas would be Cas again someday. Hoping there was an end to all the bullshit she was constantly drowning in.
"Hm." Cas tilted his head against hers as he hugged her. Alex's eyes shut as her eyebrows knit together—she didn't know what to do. Half of her wanted to accept the affection, the other half wanted to push him away. "I think hope is the most important thing," he said low and soft, then drew back and smiled, suddenly brightening. "And also board games! Can we play Candy Land? I think it might cheer us up."
That comment made Alex depressed all over again. And she could think of only one place to turn. "I need a hit, I can't even function right now," she muttered, then headed back for the car where her bag still waited. Cas hung back reluctantly, downcast at her statement and appearing uncertain whether or not he should say something or not. He ended up saying nothing and letting her take a second hit of Oxy that day. When she was done, she sat down on the bumper of the old SUV and stared at the ground with an expression of pain and heartache, regret, confusion. Cas approached her slowly then sat with her, but left a good distance between them. Alex realized in that moment how they were so broken. As a unit, as individuals. She wasn't who she used to be just as much as Cas wasn't who he used to be either.
"Did you really mean what you said?" he asked after a moment. "That I should have left Dean in Hell?"
His question was like a knife. "Of course not," she whispered, wishing to god she knew a way to get a hold of herself—she remembered Dean ripped to shreds on the floor and breathing his last, she remembered months of heartache and unbearable loss. Her brother might deserve a lot of things, but Hell was not one of them. Not now, not ever. "I was just trying to hurt him like he's hurt me," she managed, then bowed her head down and stifled a sound as tears yet again came. Blindly, she reached over and grabbed Cas's hand, which had been resting on the bumper. She grabbed his hand so hard that her knuckles went white. He shifted closer to her and turned his hand upward into hers, holding her hand tightly as she held his. "I can't keep doing this, Cas," she said, voice wretched and rough from tears. "I can't." But she didn't know how to get back to who she used to be. How was she supposed to live forever and exist in this miserable, shattered state? That was the question that haunted her life now.
"I love you, even if I'm not good at it," Cas said to her softly, sounding unsure of how to console her. "I promise I won't go away." He paused then edited himself quickly. "Unless you want me to, that is."
"No," she said, shaking her head and holding onto his hand tightly as she looked down into her lap and tried to stop crying. "Don't go away."
They sat there a little longer, holding hands across the bumper as Alex got herself together. And then the cabin door opened and Sam came out, appearing worried. "Hey, guys—get in, quick," he said, seeming urgent. "Meg's missing."
Understanding, Alex stood, but did not want to be in the top level of the cabin with Dean. She took in a deep breath, cleared her throat, and pushed everything aside, compartmentalizing out of necessity. "I'll go watch Kevin," she said. Sam nodded, and Alex glanced at her companion—maybe it was lazy or even cowardly, but she didn't want to walk through the house and have to see Dean. "Cas?"
He smiled at her dreamily. "Did you know a chameleon's tongue can be as long as its body?"
Deflated, Alex tried not to get angry at him. Anyway, she was too emotionally drained now to be angry. "Just take me to the basement, please."
Cas did, immediately, and at their appearance, Kevin's pen dropped to the floor as he started with a huge jump in the chair he sat in. "Ahh!" He clutched a hand to his heart as his other hand gripped the tablet.
"Relax, it's just me," Alex said tiredly.
Kevin looked at Cas mistrustfully, who smiled serenely at the prophet and walked over and tapped him on the nose. "Boop."
"Will you make him stop doing that?!" Kevin demanded, looking at Alex pointedly.
"Cas, quit," she pleaded, fed up with his weird antics. She made a 'shoo' motion with her hand. "Go upstairs and help Sam and Dean with whatever the hell they're doing."
Cas grinned. "Okie dokie," he said, then disappeared. Okie dokie? Alex let out a heavy breath and shook her head to herself. A yearlong nap would be nice about now… anything to escape this crazy reality she'd found herself in.
Kevin breathed out heavily as he tried to calm his jangled nerves. He glanced at Alex out of the corner of his eye and it was easy to tell he felt awkward. She knew why and decided to apologize halfheartedly. "Sorry you had to see that back there," she said, avoiding looking at him too closely. "The uh, screaming match." That was a little embarrassing to have this stranger at the front row for her and Dean's little run-in.
"It's okay," Kevin said meekly, and with a few more uncertain glances at her, he began translating the tablet onto note paper again.
Looking for something to occupy her mind, Alex rounded the table slowly and peered at his work. "How's it going?"
She saw about half a page of neat handwriting on the page and it looked like a history of the Leviathan, at least what he had down so far. "It's all right, I guess," Kevin replied. He sounded pretty nervous to have her standing over his shoulder so Alex backed off and went to the sink, got a glass out, and poured some water. "Some pretty freaky stuff in here," Kevin offered timidly after a second. Alex gave a soft mm-hmm and set down the water for him. He looked at her cautiously.
"It's well water, don't worry about it," she said. He was nervous about every last thing. She guessed he had every reason to be. The kid seemed pretty sheltered.
"T-thanks," he said, then cautiously sipped the water, his expression full of misgivings. After a second and he didn't die from poisoning or whatever he thought was wrong with the water, Kevin glanced across the glass of water at Alex. She was taking a seat across from him, busying herself with field stripping and cleaning her pistol. "What'd Dean mean?" Kevin asked after a second. He looked from the gun to her with timid eyes. "About… your voice?"
Alex's eyes snapped up from metal components to guardedly curious brown eyes across the table. She didn't like to talk about this part of her life, but no amount of disliking it could make it go away. Averting her eyes, Alex talked about it factually, trying to include none of her own emotions on the matter. "I was mute growing up. Until six years ago."
Kevin's eyes registered surprise, confusion, and further curiosity as well as the recognition that it was a closed subject. "Oh. That… that must have been hard," he offered feebly, saying nothing more of it and bending back over the tablet. He became sullen and glanced back over at her momentarily. "You're just down here to babysit me, right? Make sure I don't run away."
Alex paused her work and looked at him carefully, trying to figure out his angle in asking that question. They both knew he wasn't an idiot, and only an idiot or someone truly desperate would run away from this cabin. "You know how far out we are," she said, eyeing him closely. "Twelve miles from civilization of any kind, out in the middle of the woods, which are probably full of bears and mountain lions. You know all that, because you're a super smart kid. You wouldn't run away."
Maybe he just wanted some sympathy. "I don't know which would be worse," he muttered, his eyes staring unseeingly into the tablet. "Being killed by a wild animal or by a Leviathan."
"How about neither?" Alex suggested, the smallest little smile lifting her mouth up to one side. He was cute.
Kevin's mouth twitched into a nervous little smile that wasn't very long-lived. He focused back on the tablet for all of ten seconds before his nostrils flared as some apparently-shocking thought hit him. "Is… is the boogeyman real?" he asked, his eyes jumping to Alex's in worry.
She felt kind a tug of fondness and even protectiveness at that question. "Nah," she said, pulling the slide out of her pistol with a loud metallic thwick. "But honestly, if he were, he'd be vanilla compared to the other stuff out there that goes bump in the night." She realized after she said it how that wasn't as reassuring as she'd tried to make it.
Kevin looked emotionally scarred. "I don't like this," he lamented. "I just wanna live in a world where the scariest thing is writing a college admission essay."
That sure would be better than Leviathans and wraiths and ghosts and demons... smiling to herself at the idea, Alex ruefully rubbed at the guide rod of her gun with a cloth. "Hey, just think how easy that'll be after this, right?"
Kevin was quiet. "Yeah, I guess." He watched how she cleaned the pistol quickly, efficiently, like she'd done it a thousand times (she had). "Did you go to college?"
She snorted without meaning to at the question. At his look of confusion, she explained cynically. "I dropped out of high school. Quit caring sometime around twelve or thirteen I guess, quit trying not long after that. Forget college." At the look of horror on Kevin's face, Alex frowned slightly. "What?"
At a loss for words and reaction, he shook his head blankly. "I just… education is everything to me."
Other people who said that might get an eye roll from Alex because of the presumption and prissy nature she associated with people interested in high education. But Kevin had this genuineness to him and his interest in education seemed born out of some natural intelligence, not a desire to be better than others. Her answer to him was quiet, sad even. "I never lived in that world, Kevin." She didn't understand the sentiment of education being important. She had needed to know how to shoot straight and fight dirty. Not write essays and get good grades. Kevin was from a totally different planet than Alex was, practically. But, all she knew about him really was what she gathered from his appearance, demeanor, and the little he'd said so far about his life. "You got a family, right?" she asked, trying to remember. The past day or so was a huge jumble in her mind.
Kevin answered somberly. There was a protective veiled nature to the way he spoke about his mother. "I have my mom." His eyes surveyed Alex cautiously, like he was wondering if she wanted to know out of genuine curiosity or for some ulterior motivation. He shrugged and looked away, trying to play it off. "That's it. No siblings. No dad." A slight pause. Kevin shrugged a little, looking down idly. He sounded fractionally sadder and sort of confused when he spoke up next. "He died when I was just a baby. I never really knew him."
Well. That was one thing they had in common. "My mom died when I was a baby. I don't remember her, either."
Kevin's dark eyes looked into hers, wondering. "How'd she die?"
Alex was somber. "Demon killed her."
"Oh." Kevin looked a little more ashen than before. "M-my dad died in a car accident." He frowned deeply, staring at the tabletop hard as he struggled. "I can't believe all this time… and I never knew all this stuff was real." Vaguely sick, Kevin looked up at her hopelessly. "Do you think I can still… still do everything I was planning to do with my life?"
He wanted to be told there was a chance. A sliver of hope. Some silver lining to all of this craziness he'd just been thrown into. But Alex didn't put herself in the business of false hope. Especially not for a kid who deserved to hear the truth so he could start trying to swallow it down. "I dunno," she said sympathetically. "Being a prophet sounds like a lifetime kind of thing." The look that crossed Kevin's face made her smile sadly in an effort to ease the blow. "Sorry. I just… I wouldn't get your hopes up too high."
Subdued, Kevin went silent and went back to work on the tablet. But his expression was tense, and he was obviously deep in thought about his future and how torn up he was not to have it anymore. At least not the future he'd dreamed of. About five minutes later, a huge crash startled them both. Clutching the tablet to himself, Kevin was already out of breath in panic. "What was that!?" he demanded in a loud, scared whisper.
Already standing up, gone tense, Alex shook her head a couple times and held up a finger, calling for silence and listening for any more clues. A female voice she didn't really recognize could be heard. Was that Meg? Come back with demons to pull some kind of stunt, maybe? Alex was just wondering that when a man in a business suit appeared out of thin air beside Kevin, startling both Alex and Kevin alike. "Prophet, you are coming with me," he said, placing his hands onto Kevin's shoulders.
"No don't!" Kevin yelped. "Alex, help me!" he cried, right before he was taken.
Blade already in hand, Alex tore up the stairs to where she could hear some kind of altercation happening. She burst into the ground level of the cabin where the female angel from earlier—Hester—glowered at Dean and Sam and Cas. Three other male angels in business suits stood nearby, and the one with long hair that had been in the mental ward earlier held a trembling, petrified Kevin. Inias, Castiel had called him.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, back off!" Dean was shouting. "We're actually trying to clean up one of your angel's messes!" he said, voice hard and angry (what else was new?). "You know that."
Hester's eyes slid to Alex, whose new arrival seemed to anger her further. "Ah, Castiel's human whore," she muttered contemptuously. "I should have known you wouldn't be far."
"Hey!" Dean snapped before anyone else could say anything else. "You don't call her that!"
"It's what she is," Hester said coldly. Dean, who had been his sister's worst enemy a minute ago, looked ready to kill on her behalf.
"Hester, please," Castiel said, vying for his angel sister's attention in an attempt to take the situation down a notch. "I already asked you very politely not to call her that. I'm entreating you very sincerely once more: don't make me ask again. Now, Dean, he's… he's right. They're only trying to help someone who is beyond forgiveness, they're only trying to clean up a mess someone else made. An angel brought the Leviathan back into this world, and—and these… these people begged him." He paused, guilt-ridden and self-horrified and trying to hide it. "They begged him not to do it." His eyes were downcast and gaunt in quality, his mouth working oddly. "And yet still he did the unthinkable."
"Look, just give us some time, okay?" Dean asked, short on patience and snide because of it. "We will take care of your prophet."
"Why should we give you or your family anything?" Hester asked in a snap, appearing disgusted by the sight of him. "After everything you have taken from us? The very touch of you corrupts!"
Kevin was breathing hard and frightened just a few feet off from Alex, and she felt like if someone didn't do something soon, Hester was going to snap. His plea for her to help rang in her mind, and Alex tried her best. "All we need is a few more minutes so we can learn how to kill the Leviathan," she said to the angel, trying to be reasonable and trying to stall. She knew angels didn't want Leviathan in the world any more than they did. And with a few minutes, maybe they could run again with Cas, maybe they could disappear off of this psycho-angel's radar. "Can't you give us that at least?"
Hester's haughty and hate-filled stare came to rest on Alex. Her features twisted with distain. "We have given you enough, child, you have taken from Heaven with greedy hands and look what you've done! Because of you, Castiel is lost!" Her shouted accusations abruptly ended and she became cold and deadly. Her eyes locked with Alex's, and there was no mistaking the hostility there or what the angel intended to do with Alex. "For that, you're going to pay." The angel moved forward toward Alex, who thought you know what? I wouldn't mind killing someone today. Her hand tightened on the blade even as Sam and Dean both closed in on their sister instinctively.
Castiel moved directly into Hester's path—not really with a stance of aggression, but he wasn't going to stand by and let Alex get attacked, either. "Hester," he said chidingly, trying to be pleasant and non-confrontational. "No. You are not to touch her."
"I will touch who I please!" the other angel snarled.
"No—I'm sorry," Cas said firmly, getting a little more serious and less hospitable. "Not her. I don't fight anymore, but… if you give me occasion, if you threaten her safety, my hand will be forced."
"Fine," Hester growled. "I think I'll hurt you instead." Lightning fast, her hand darted out to seize Castiel's neck and she whirled him around, let go, and backhanded him so hard that he whirled before he fell to the ground in a heap.
It was hard to say which Winchester moved first to try and help Cas, but they were all three stopped by angels before they could help Cas. "Let me go! Get off me!" Alex fought hard but uselessly against one of their powerful grips. She was helpless to watch Hester beat Castiel's face in. "Stop it!"
"No more madness!" Hester shouted, grabbing Cas by his collar and hitting him hard when she yanked him to his knees. "No more promises!" Another vicious punch that made Cas's face turn sideways. "No more new gods!" She hit him again and again, harder each time. Blood ran out of Castiel's nose and he coughed weakly even as Hester's fist cracked into his face again. He didn't fight back—he seemed to accept that he deserved it. "No more blasphemy! No more abominations!" And then Hester pulled out her angel blade and held it high.
"No, no!" Alex screamed, fighting harder against the angel holding her in place.
Inias, who had been holding onto Kevin, rushed forward to grab Hester's arm, preventing her from killing Castiel on the spot. "Hester! No! Please! There's so few of us left…"
Annoyed, Hester turned a disbelieving stare onto Inias… then hit him hard in the face with the hand that held the blade. He fell down, and Hester stared down at Cas, who was on his knees. "You wanted free will," she said, and drew the blade back far to make the kill. "Now I'm making the choices."
And then she screamed as a blade plunged into her from behind. Light burned in the cabin as Hester died—and when everyone could see again, everyone was shocked to see Castiel's rescuer. Meg stood there with an angel blade. "What?" she asked, frowning as if she had no idea why anyone was giving her the looks they were. "Someone had to." A slight smirk bent her lips. "Can't have my OTP getting messed up anytime soon, now can I?" She patted a dazed Castiel on the cheek.
"Your what?" Dean asked.
Meg looked around at all the stunned, silent bystanders. "Well don't everyone thank me at once," she said sarcastically, then waggled her angel blade at the other halos in the room suspiciously. "Any of you other wingnuts wanna tango?"
"No," Inias answered after exchanging a brief glance with the other angels in the room. "No, I don't believe so. We want harmony. Peace."
"Well kumbaya," Meg murmured with a wink. She sent Alex a little smirk, then without another word, she disappeared.
Alex rushed to Cas the second her captor let go. He was getting to his feet with a grunt. "I'm fine," he said, smiling fancifully at her and the worried look on her face. "Gosh you're pretty," he murmured admiringly, woozy-eyed and half-drunk from being hit so hard. Alex hugged him hard, breathless and shaking because he'd almost been killed in front of her eyes. He'd almost been brutally murdered as she watched. Over Cas's shoulder, Dean looked at her with an odd expression as he circled the room. Alex looked away from him, practically breaking Castiel's neck with the vigor she hugged with. Maybe he wasn't who he used to be, who she wanted him to be… and maybe things weren't what they once were between them. But she loved this angel, in a way she didn't totally understand anymore. She really didn't want to lose him. This close call had really cemented that for her.
The angels removed Hester's body from the cabin, Kevin was allowed to finish his translation of the tablet, and Castiel was fine. Dean went in search of Meg, which might have actually been an excuse to get away from Alex—they were both embarrassed, angry, hurt, and clearly didn't want to be around the other. Inias turned out to be much more reasonable than Hester, and he offered to do what Cas and Sam suggested—take Kevin home and watch him there until further notice. It was agreed that Heaven's laws were no longer as cut-and-dry as before. Inias showed himself to be open-minded to that. And it was also revealed that he had fought alongside Castiel in the war against Raphael and remembered Cas as he used to be. He didn't comment on Cas's current condition, which seemed odd. At one point, Inias regarded Alex with a look of slight awe and commented on how her name was known across the celestial planes and how she most assuredly was a special creation. Cas made some lovey-dovey comments about that, Alex was uncomfortable.
"I'm um, I'm done," Kevin finally announced, then stood nervously, looking around the room in earnest, scared hope. "I get to go home now, right?"
"Yes, Kevin Tran," Cas said, smiling at him fondly. "Home." He reached out and booped Kevin on the nose.
"Oh come on," Kevin muttered, giving Cas the side eye as he frowned and hugged the tablet to himself more closely.
"These are strange times," Inias murmured, smiling to himself and looking around the cabin with a bittersweet look on his face.
"I think they always have been," Castiel returned thoughtfully.
"I wish you'd come with us, brother," Inias said earnestly, looking at Cas in genuine respect.
Smiling to himself as if he were thinking of a fond memory, Cas chuckled and put his hands into his coat pockets. "Oh, I'm not part of the garrison anymore, Inias. I'm sorry. My place is here. I belong with my wife." He smiled over at Alex, who sat at the table near Sam. "I'm going to plant a garden for her," Cas said, his soft eyes on her the entire time. "And write poems. And listen to the magic of the honeybees." He looked at Inias with a self-satisfied, eager little smile. "Doesn't all of that sound so pleasant?" Inias seemed unsure of how to react.
"Thanks, Kevin," Sam said, having glanced over the translation Kevin had handed to him. "Not a lot of people could have handled this."
"Are you ready, Kevin Tran?" Inias asked.
"To get out of here?" Kevin asked, grinning with nervous energy. "No offense guys, but yes."
Inias beckoned the other silent male angels over. "Take the keeper to his home," he instructed solemnly. "We will watch over him there." He turned to look at Castiel one more time. "Take care, brother. Look after each other."
Alex gave Kevin a small, brave smile. "You ever need anything, call us Kevin."
"Yeah," he said, cracking a genuine grin at her for the first time. "If I need a huge scary knife, I know who to call." And without anything further, they disappeared sight unseen.
Alex looked at the spot where they'd just been, a little worried. "He'll be okay, right Cas?" she asked. Dick wanted that tablet still. As long as Kevin had it and Dick was around, it would be a risk.
"Oh yes, why wouldn't he be?" Cas asked, nonplussed, then moved onto the next subject breezily. "Unfortunately, your cupcakes are burned," he said regretfully, which was when Alex realized his flowery apron was gone and she did smell burnt something in the air. "I'm so sorry, Alex. I'll make you another batch immediately."
"No, you don't have to—" she protested.
But he was already in the kitchen. "Yes, yes I do!" he called. "I promised, after all. And I know how much you love those confections. Only the best for my sweetheart!"
Sam gave his sister a sympathetic look because she looked so vexed and he squeezed her shoulder silently, giving her a look that said everything without him speaking a single word aloud. Alex propped her elbows onto the table and scrubbed her face in her hands a few times as she listened to Cas banging pans and utensils around in the kitchen.
"At least he's happy," Sam offered after a minute.
Well I'm not.
The door to the cabin opened and in came Dean, whose glanced dodged away from Alex's guiltily. "Couldn't find Meg anywhere," he said gruffly, trying to sound fine and dandy.
"I'm sure she's lurking somewhere nearby," Alex muttered, picking at a splinter on the table and not really speaking to Dean directly at all. "She loves lurking."
There was a tense pause. "Kevin gone?" Dean asked.
"Yeah, the angels took him home," Sam said, distracted by reading what Kevin had written down—apparently he was onto something, because he got excitable. "Hey, hey, I got something." He wet his lips and sat up straighter, getting that look he got when he was onto something big. "Get this, guys: 'Leviathan cannot be slain but by a bone of a righteous mortal washed in the three bloods of the fallen.'"
Too tired to be very serious, Alex rubbed her forehead. "'The fallen'? Like, as in I've fallen and I can't get up?"
Sam gave her a half amused half befuddled glance. "Uh, don't think so. It says we need to start with… oh. The blood of a fallen angel." He looked up from the page and at Alex, then Dean, because they all knew what that meant.
Cas, in his apron again, appeared with no warning before them, startling them mildly. "Well, I certainty can't think of a more accurate description of myself," he said pleasantly, smiling at them fondly. "You three know me." He produced a small vial filled with dark red liquid. "Always happy to bleed for the Winchesters." He handed the bottle to Dean and smiled wider.
Sam hesitated, then asked what they all wanted to know. "So… what're you gonna do now, Cas? Since you're… not wanting to get in the ring and fight with us this time?"
Cas gave Sam a look like he was chiding him slightly. "First, I'm going to finish the cupcakes I promised," he said, like Sam should already know that. "Then I'm going to plant a garden out front. With herbs and flowers and maybe some vegetables, and oh, a honeybee hive too! Won't that be wonderful?" He grinned around vapidly, excited about his future as a gardener. Then he disappeared back into the kitchen.
Dean heaved a heavy sigh, set the vial of blood down onto the table, and glanced out toward the front of the house like he was anxious to get away. "And on that note, I am going to town to get a drink," he said, leaving no room for argument. "I'll be back later."
Neither of his siblings stopped him because honestly, they both knew some space might do them all good right now. After the door shut, Sam glanced after their departed brother, chagrined. "Two guesses where he's really going," he muttered, and Alex gave him a sidelong look. "Rhymes with Amy," Sam supplied, then said nothing further on the matter, just indicated the notebook Kevin had left behind of tablet translation. "Wanna help me read through this stuff?"
She nodded agreement even though she was tired and cranky and needed sleep. "All right."
Sam paused, put down the notebook momentarily. "Hey." He turned toward her in the chair, leaned toward her, put a big hand on her knee and patted a couple times. "Listen. I promise. It's all gonna be okay somehow."
"Is it?" she asked with the softest derisive laugh. "Cas is baking cupcakes and dancing in flower seeds and Dean is a fucking tool."
"What else is new?" Sam asked, then took what he said into account. "Besides the Cas being really into flowers thing." His tiny smile faded into a serious expression. "I'm with you, all right? You're not alone here."
That was everything she'd needed to hear and she leaned forward, hugged her burly brother tightly. "Thanks, Sammy," she whispered. For a few minutes, research waited and Sam consoled his sister. Then Cas produced cupcakes (which were amazing) and disappeared out to begin gardening. The twins settled into research and trying to theorize about the rest of the Leviathan tablet. After awhile, Alex migrated to the couch. And then she fell asleep and knowing how zonked she was, Sam let her sleep. About four hours in, she woke up with a jolt and was mad at him for letting her sleep and he teasingly told her to get over it. Dean still wasn't back but Sam didn't seem too concerned. Just vaguely rueful. Finally, after coffee and peeking out the window at Cas and his little in-the-works garden, Alex shut herself into the bathroom and took a much-needed shower.
The cabin had lousy water pressure and the hot-water was more like lukewarm, but it was better than nothing. Trying to get done quickly, she rinsed out her shampoo and made a sound of distaste when some of it got into her eyes and stung. Once it was all out, Alex turned around away from the showerhead then abruptly squeaked in surprise when she realized she wasn't alone. Covering herself pretty badly with crossed arms, she gaped at Cas. "What are you doing in here?!" she demanded. He was completely naked and his expression showed exuberance.
"There's the most adorable inchworm I befriended outside, come see!" he entreated, reaching for her eagerly.
She ducked his hand—was he seriously about to take her outside with both of them butt naked?! "I'm kinda busy…!" she protested in wide-eyed disbelief.
Cas's enthusiasm was slightly curbed. "Oh. Of course." He stood there silently for two whole seconds and he frowned slowly, trying very hard to guess. "…How about now?"
Really? "Still showering, Cas."
He tilted his head to the side and frowned as he looked her up and down as he noticed how she held herself. "Why are you covering yourself like that?"
"Why are you naked?" she retorted.
"Because clothing isn't supposed to be worn in this area of the bathroom," he stated factually, then let his eyes wander her body again lengthily as if he were just now noticing her state of soaked nakedness. "You're… very appealing," he said in a voice that became husky. "We should find a bed of flowers to make love in, wouldn't that… wouldn't that be amazing?" Alex blanched and withered under his gaze. Cas looked like a man who was stupid-levels in love. "If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk through my garden forever," he said wistfully, his eyes wandering her appreciatively. And then he looked down at himself and pulled a face that indicated he was surprised and embarrassed. "Oops!" He looked at her with a flinching expression like he was anticipating a lecture. "I seem to have an erection." Oh Christ. Yes. He certainly did. They stood there a second, Alex silent and awkward and Cas uncertain with a huge boner. And then he chuckled nervously and hedged back a step from her. "I'll… be outside." He disappeared, and there was a knock at the door that startled Alex all over again.
"What?!" she demanded in a near-shriek.
Sam's muffled, worried voice sounded through the old wood. "…Everything all right in there?"
"It's fine," Alex said, disgruntled by and done with this entire thing. "Cas was just trying to show me his inchworm."
There was a pause. "…That a euphemism?" It sounded like he had a little I'm-so-funny grin on his face.
Alex cut a sharp look at the door. "No, Sam."
Another pause. "Okay. I'll be out here if… uh, anything."
She sighed gustily and took a couple more minutes in the shower, then got out and wrapped in a towel after rubbing her hair damp first. She got dressed, and halfway into buttoning up her flannel over a tank top, she glimpsed Dean's jacket in the mirror. It was hung over the hook behind the door. And peeking out from a pocket was the silvery corner of a very familiar old flask.
Staring at it in the mirror, Alex felt a prickle against the back of her neck and the stories Sam and Dean had relayed to her about seeing Bobby recently flooded her mind. And that's when the bathroom got colder. Alex breathed out and her own breath created a vapor cloud even as the mirror began to freeze over. Alex turned fast when she caught a reflection in the mirror.
Standing there with a fond smile on his ashen face was a very familiar and long-lost man. "I kept my eyes shut, don't worry," he said jokingly in that familiar drawl.
Alex was too shocked to react very well at all. "Bobby…!"
His mouth curved up, making his beard move. "Hiya sweetheart," he greeted in a voice rich with affection. His eyes shone at her, and she was speechless.
"You… you…" she fumbled.
"I know," he said with a little wink. "I make Brad Pitt look like chewed up dog food." He looked ghostly, which fit since he was a ghost. But he was still him despite the paper-white skin, and he was smiling at her with eyes that held a lot of emotion. "It's been too long. Sure am glad to see you again."
"Yeah," she said, smiling too through some pain. "M-me too. I didn't think I would."
"Well, here I am in all my pale-skinned glory," he said, indicating himself with slightly spread hands at his sides.
Alex couldn't beat around the bush with him. She had to know. "Why'd you stay, Bobby?"
He shrugged and a little ruefulness showed. "Couldn't see leavin' you idjits behind without someone reasonable around." He smiled crookedly. "Don't look so worried, I feel great. Stronger than ever, in fact. If I could just get this appearin'-when-I-want thing down, I'd be set. I overheard all that with the Kevin kid, and I mighta read a little over you n' Sam's shoulders. So, listen, while I'm here, I've been thinking on the weapon that'll screw Dick."
A little surprised but figuring it wouldn't hurt to hear him out, Alex nodded. "Okay… I'm listening."
"The kid said that the only way to kill Leviathan is with a bone washed in the three bloods of the fallen," Bobby said. "One of the blood's got to be from a human as light and good as the Leviathan are hungry and dark."
"Yeah, that's what really gets me…" Alex trailed off. She and Sam had talked that one over and over. "I don't think someone like that exists. Not that I've ever met, anyway."
"So we leave that for last. The rest is doable, and doable now. You've already got the fallen angel blood thanks for your crackpot halo. Next up is blood from the ruler of fallen humanity. Now, the best I can tell, that's Crowley."
"Right, that's what Sam and I thought."
"Numero tres is the father of fallen beasts… which means you got to bleed an alpha."
Alex hesitated. "Yeah but they're all dead. I mean, every one Sam and Dean found got stuck in Crowley's monster prison then Cas dropped the atom bomb, so…"
At her less than enthusiastic reply, Bobby's face flickered with unhappiness. "Well, then, make this Cas's problem, too."
Yikes. "Uh… he's busy gardening and crafting baked goods," Alex said, glancing out the window and catching sight of Cas out there totally naked, digging with a shovel happily. Good grief.
Bobby was of one mind, and he was getting irrationally angry. "Then Crowley! This is important!" The mirror behind Alex cracked and she jumped, a little frightened. "Sorry. I'm… new to this whole ghosty thing," he said quietly, a little ashamed and upset at the look on Alex's face. "Don't worry, sweetheart, it's fine. Just a cracked mirror." He smiled thinly, like he knew there was something wrong but he didn't want to admit it. "Just got a little carried away."
Wetting her lips, Alex nodded, trying to shrug it off. "Okay. So we'll—I guess summon Crowley and see if there's any alphas left out in the big wide world."
"I got faith in you kids," Bobby said, giving her a smile like he used to. "We been through worse. Remember the apocalypse?"
Alex chuckled ruefully, scratching the side of her neck absently. "Trying not to."
"Where's Dean, anyway?" Bobby asked, finally noticing how the jacket and its owner were not united at the moment.
"With Jamie," Alex said neutrally.
Bobby had a sly little smile on his face. "You seen his new tattoo yet?"
Alex made a face of staunch confusion. "...What new tattoo?"
There was the faintest chuckle. "Oh, you'll see. Give him hell from me for that one, all right?" There was a pause and Bobby got a look of annoyance on his face. "No—hell—aw, balls!" And then Bobby flickered out and did not reappear.
Meanwhile
Dean's stolen SUV trundled along the dirt road back to Rufus's cabin. Only a couple more miles to go until he was back now. It had been about five or six hours since he'd left and he was in a different mindset than when he'd left.
For a few hours he'd basically run off and forgotten most of his problems in favor of this new thing he was caught up in with Jamie. He probably shouldn't have told her it was a life-or-death situation to get her to meet him in town, but he had because he'd been desperate and afraid she wouldn't come otherwise, and then he was really guilty about it when she showed up at the motel where he said to meet him. She'd been all worried and "what's happening?!" and he'd felt even worse about himself.
Then somewhere between "tell me what's wrong," and "I don't know, but I can't do this anymore," they ended up in a motel room against a wall and then in bed where pent up feelings and frustrations on both sides made it rough, frantic, and passionate in a way beyond explanation. And when that part was over, two people who came off as very outwardly harsh sometimes to the outside world held each other in a tenderness that would have surprised many people. Hell, it surprised Dean.
The closer he and James got emotionally, the harder it was for him to leave her at all. She made him feel like someone worth something. Like maybe he could have a chance with her at something real. That was what he wanted, more and more all the time. He was fiercely resolved, even more than he'd let on to her, to get her out of her coming death day. However he had to, Dean Winchester was gonna save Jamie Ward.
After awhile of being tangled up together in the motel room in their own little cocoon of soft conversation and hopes and dreams, they both got hungry and went to a barbecue place but Jamie apparently couldn't stand the smell of cooking meat and insisted on leaving after complaining of intense nausea—so they got drive-thru takeout instead and then sat on the hood of the SUV and ate together, playing footsie and roasting each other affectionately. Jamie threw a french fry at Dean, he stole one from her while kissing her, and she pushed him off the hood with a laugh. He grabbed her up and carried her like a sack of potatoes as she shrieked and laughed and beat on him in protest. When he put her down she grabbed him and kissed him, Dean wasn't sure if he'd ever felt as happy or carefree. It was like they were stupid teenagers in love.
And when they went back to the motel room and were together again, but that time was slow and they took their time—electric was one word for the encounter, tender and soulful were close runners-up.
Neither of them knew that was the last time they'd see each other for a long, long time.
Thinking back to that very encounter as a dreamy little smile plastered itself on his face, Dean jolted a little when his phone went off loudly. He was mildly annoyed to be taken out of his happy little fog until he saw the called ID. And then the smile was back. "Hey you," he answered, trying to sound friendly but not too affectionate.
"Hey yourself," her familiar voice came, and he could hear the little smile on her voice. "You, um, you left your pocket knife here… found it under the bed. Must have fallen out when we…" she trailed off and he could hear the suggestive little grin spreading on her face.
"Yeah," he said, grinning himself then thinking fast. "Why don't you keep it for me awhile? Gives me a good excuse to come see you again."
He heard her give a playful scoff. "Do you really need an excuse, Winchester?"
"You tell me," he replied, flirting just as hard as she was. There was a pause and Dean sensed she was thinking something. He frowned slightly, wondering what it was. He was always waiting for her to drop the bomb that it had to stop between them or that she didn't want anything else to do with him. "What?" he asked cautiously when her silence dragged out.
She heaved a huge sigh like she was about to admit something she didn't want to. "I miss you already, dammit," she admitted like it was some huge, awkward thing she was loathe to claim.
Dean grinned, flushing over in pleasant surprise. "Well well well…" he said, and the tone of his voice made her give a little laugh.
"Shut up!" she moaned, and he thought she probably had a hand on her face. He could hear her grin and wished he could see it, too.
"She misses me," he chuckled, having a field day with her admission and her cute little reaction to his goading. "Someone alert the media, the news is gonna have a field day with this."
"You're the wooorst," she complained, but there was a lot of implication in her tone that he might actually be the best. He shook his head, still smiling widely as he drove nice and easy around a curve in the road. When he first re-met Jamie, she'd played it so badass and cool, but he knew things about her now. Like how she was actually a huge dork and how she wore a retainer at night to keep her teeth straight and how she had a huge appreciation for James Taylor music (but didn't like people to know because it spoiled her bad-girl rep or something). He knew she snorted sometimes if she laughed too hard and that she loved puns and was intensely thoughtful and caring even though she tried to cover it up with sarcasm and a businesslike demeanor. Dean's mind glanced over their whirlwind thing—the past six months of hunting together on and off, the fateful night when they gave in to what they both really and truly wanted, the time they'd shared since then. Today.
He wanted her to be his girl, he wanted to be her man. That feeling overwhelmed him so much all of the sudden and he felt almost scared by it. "James?" he asked softly, his heart beating a little faster than before.
Something in his tone made her hesitate, made her voice soften too. "…Yeah?"
And then a huge shape hit the front of the car and Dean yelled as he reacted by stomping on the brakes. The car came to a jolting halt. Cas was sprawled on the hood of the car and bees covered him like a garment. "Holy shit!" Dean blinked and gaped, then remembered the phone. Cas saw Dean and waved pleasantly, grinning. "I'll—I'll call you back, sweetheart," Dean said into the phone, not believing what he was seeing. "Uh—angel covered in bees on my car."
"...A what?"
"Tell you later," he promised, then hung up and put his hands up in disbelief, leaning sideways a little to yell out the window. "Jesus Christ, Cas! What the hell!?"
"Hello, Dean!" Cas greeted happily, then rolled off the hood spryly and stood by the car even as Dean got out and slammed his door. Then realized there was nothing underneath those bees blanketing Cas.
"Where the hell are your clothes?!" he demanded, totally taken aback at the three-ring circus Cas was currently subjecting him to.
Cas smiled pleasantly even as Dean made a disturbed face. "Oh, I haven't put them back on since I was in the shower with your sister." Dean balked. Excuse me? "Anyway, it turns out clothing inhibits my communication with the bees," Cas added knowingly.
Should he really have expected anything less than total insanity from Cas right now? Dean shook his head slowly and repeatedly, edging back a little from Cas and his bee buddies. "I have seen some damn creepy stuff in my day, but this pretty much takes the cake," he muttered as Cas smiled down at his arm where bees buzzed and crawled. "Can you please put some clothes on, man?!" Dean asked, aghast. Castiel complied—he suddenly was wearing his clothes again, and all of his bee friends flew off in a formation back toward the cabin, which was still a couple miles off. Just glad Cas wasn't x-rated anymore, Dean jammed a hand through his hair. "Thank you."
Cas ignored the thanks. "How was your copulation with the witch?" he asked, matter-of-fact, making Dean double-take and then frown. "You were gone for over five hours and you seem physically tired now, so I imagine your encounter was successful," Cas explained dreamily.
Wan, done, annoyed, Dean used a hand for emphasis. "Come on, man, how many times do I have to tell you her name for you to quit calling her 'the witch'?"
Cas did not answer. He went ramrod stiff as if he heard something, and he frowned deeply and intently, looking like himself for a minute. He sniffed the air, then turned to look up the road in the direction of the cabin. "Do you smell that?" he asked, then his voice went utterly dark and low. "Leviathan." And he disappeared out of thin air, leaving Dean with a sinking stomach and the conviction that he had to race back to the cabin.
A Few Moments Ago…
Alex exited the bathroom and as she did, Sam was coming up from the basement. "You got a second?" he asked. "I found something interesting online."
She nodded, but headed for the front door. "Hold on, I'm gonna go get Cas."
Sam made a face like he was wondering what for because, well… Cas was kinda out there these days. But he didn't say anything but a slightly doubtful, "Okay."
Alex went outside and realized right away that Cas wasn't where he'd been before. The area in the front yard where he had begun to dig around in was abandoned. There was a shovel, a hoe, and a metal wide-tooth rake all neatly lined up beside a rectangular patch of upturned earth. Alex stopped there and looked around, trying to figure out where he would have gone to. "Cas?"
No reply.
She heaved a sigh and looked around again, trying to figure out where she would go if she were a crazy angel. There was a worn out gravel-and-dirt road, lots of trees, and a shed. That was about it. Alex headed for the nearby shed. Maybe Cas was around back of it or inside of it. The old structure was tin and had a broken down old Ford pickup beside it. Dirt scattered in the bed of the truck and weeds grew there among broken pots, beer bottles, and crumpled up cans of soda. Alex picked her way around the truck and circled around the shed, craning her neck as she tried to locate Cas. Where was that crazy kid?
She felt an unwelcome presence behind her just a second too late. Even as she whirled around, a hand clamped down onto her mouth to stifle a cry of alarm even as the weight of a body slammed her against the side of the shed, pinning her there. With startled eyes and racing breath, Alex stared with utter shock into a face she had never wanted to see again.
The only thought in her head when she saw those pale blue eyes looking at her? Oh no.
"Don't scream," Zip whispered, and then cautiously, slowly took his hand away from her mouth.