Song Remains the Same
Chapter 102 / Behind Enemy Lines
"Life is like a steering wheel, it only takes one small move to change your entire direction."
- Kellie Elmore
Outside of a nondescript gas station in Hoople, North Dakota, a man stood near his car with a dumstruck look on his face and a cell phone pressed to his ear.
I think I might be pregnant.
I think I might be pregnant.
I think I might be pregnant.
Those six words echoed in his mind and were absolutely incompatible with his ears and brain which both struggled to comprehend—he kept repeating her words to himself in his head, trying to find the meaning. Pregnant? Pregnant? No. That wasn't possible. Right? For a minute, nothing made sense to Dean—he thought he must have misheard her or that she was trying to pull his leg, or maybe 'pregnant' was a new slang term for something he didn't know about yet. He fumbled royally to respond as his thunderstruck silence stretched out, but English had become the biggest struggle he'd ever known. "P-pregnant?" he managed to repeat in a winded voice, the word like thick, chunky molasses in his mouth. How? When? Surely she didn't mean pregnant pregnant. "W-with… with a baby?"
His dumbfounded question got a pretty disgruntled answer. "No, with a burrito," she retorted in frustration, quickly becoming exasperated. "Yes with a baby!"
A baby? Like, a little human being? Like, a kid?! Dean was beside himself. "With me?" he faltered. "I mean, mine?"
Wrong question to ask. "I haven't been with anyone besides you in like six months!" She'd told him as much, too.
Shaking his head and squeezing his eyes closed, Dean rubbed his forehead. "No, yeah, no, I knew that, right, um—" he opened his eyes back up, his face wrinkled in anxiety as he blinked over and over again fast, staring into space as everything in his mind and body went haywire at what he'd just been told. "I'm not… I don't…" he stuttered, stumbling around and around internally, a million questions filling his mind past capacity. He'd seen her just yesterday and everything had seemed fine and now she was freaking out and saying she might be pregnant? Dean was pretty sure she wouldn't get symptoms overnight and dude they'd used protection and just what the hell was actually going on here? Dean was overwhelmed and shut his eyes again. This could be nothing, it could be a false alarm. He needed some facts before he went full freakout. "Okay, can you just explain how come you think… why you might be…" it was really tough to use the 'P' word. So he didn't use it at all. "Like, help me understand what's going on here." He put a nervous little breathy laugh at the end of that sentence in an attempt to sound less petrified than he actually was.
There was a deep breath on the other end of the line and Jamie began to explain in a voice that sounded forcibly brave and yet scared shitless at the same time. "Okay, so, so Owen…" she started shakily, "he and the crew, we were all going to breakfast at some diner this morning and like the smell in there was so horrible that I got sick… I thought I was just like, I dunno, getting the flu or something. But then Owen pointed out how I felt sick a couple other times recently and he… he asked if maybe I was… if I might be pregnant." She paused and breathed out shakily. "I hadn't even—I hadn't even thought about that being a possibility, and then he says that and suddenly, you know, it kind of makes sense. Like I have been feeling bad like for a couple weeks now and getting tired a lot easier and nauseated for no reason. I just thought it was road food catching up with me and old age and stress, you know?" She tried a laugh, but it was feeble and faltering. Her voice was getting weaker and more and more upset even as Dean felt himself getting more and more stunned as what she said pointed one direction. "Also I think my period might be late but I can't even remember at this point and I'm just… I'm just freaking out." She was quiet as Dean slowly sank down on weak legs to sit on the curb adjacent to his stolen car. Could this seriously be happening? His biggest problem in the world a minute ago had been no more pie for the foreseeable future. And now… he might be responsible for creating a new little life. Now, he might be a dad. "Dean?" Jamie asked nervously, worry making her tone tense. "You still there?"
He'd forgotten about words for a second. "Yeah, I—I just don't—I mean, we used protection, right!?" He was in denial about this even being possible.
She sounded hesitant and slightly embarrassed. "Yeah but there was… the first night we were together, we ran out of condoms, remember?" Oh shit. That was right. They'd used up his meager wallet stash that very unforgettable night thanks to multiple encounters and at one point they had done the pull-and-pray method, stupidly. Well, fuck. Jamie's anxiety and fear was almost visceral to him even though he was hundreds of miles away from her. "Dean, what the hell am I gonna do if this is like… if this is really happening?" He thought she sounded close to tears.
That's when he got his wits back and snapped out of his daze and realized as shocked and alarmed as he was feeling, it had to be twenty times worse for her. "Hey," he soothed. "Hey, listen to me. First of all, you're okay. All right? We'll figure this out." He paused. And then a horrible thought struck him and terrified him anew, making his voice drop to a faint volume. "James—w-when is your time up?" he asked urgently. "When?"
She was quiet for a very long few seconds and he was left hanging. Dean thought for the slightest instance that she still wasn't going to tell him what he had asked and asked and asked to know. "I have a little over a year to go."
Dean felt like the weight of the world crashed onto his shoulders in that moment and he propped an elbow on his knee, covering his face halfway with his hand. "Jesus…" he commented in the mildest of relief but also in staunch despair. He couldn't take the thought of the hounds coming for her. The only reason he could feel any relief at all was because if she was pregnant, if her time had been up before she was due to give birth... well. That would have made things unthinkably worse. So thank god for that.
Holy crap. This was crazy, crazy. A minute ago he'd been upset about no road food. And now he was wondering if he was a father and if Jamie was a mother and what they would do about this if it turned out to be true. And if this kid would have eyes like her or eyes like his. Would they stay together and be a family? Or would Dean fail in saving her from the soul deal like he'd promised and become John Winchester all over again? A hunter who lost the woman he loved, a man dragging his offspring around through this freakshow nightmare? This changed everything if it were really happening. And made the need to save James all the more intense.
Dean only knew one thing. "I wish to god I was with you right now," he murmured, feeling the distance between them. It was actually killing him to have this conversation so far apart, and he couldn't imagine how it was making her feel if he felt so sick inside at all the unknowns.
She sounded similarly shaken, like all she wanted was the hug he couldn't give. "I'm freaking out so bad about this."
"I know, sweetheart, I know," he said heavily, face rigid as he glanced around restlessly. "M-me too." He paused and realized that she'd figured this out in the morning. And here it was around six in the evening. Mildly hurt, Dean's next question was cautious. "Why didn't you call me when you… when you first realized this might be happening?"
Her quiet answer came slowly and it was easy to tell she had a hard time admitting the truth. "…Because I was terrified you'd hang up on me and never wanna see me again."
Stricken, Dean's face said it all and then his words followed suit. "James. Jamie." He couldn't find how to say it, and when he finally did, he sounded incredibly offended even to himself. "Are you kidding me? You know me better than that. After everything, after—this past month, especially? You know how I feel about you, right?" He wet his lips, awkward and desperate for her to get it. "I mean… I seriously care about you," he said in a slightly choked voice because she needed to believe it now more than ever and he was upset that she didn't trust him. "And I'm not—I'm not just gonna like disappear on you if… if this is real, okay? You know I wouldn't." He wanted her to say she did know that. But there was a long, empty silence and Dean thought for a second that she'd hung up or been disconnected. Frowning slightly, he listened harder. "You there?"
"I—I'm here," she answered just barely, and then he heard it loud and clear: she was crying and trying to hide the fact, too.
His heart twisted painfully and he shut his eyes. He should be there with her. But he was sitting at a gas station pump hundreds of miles away. "Please, don't cry…" he said softly and helplessly. It killed him to hear how upset she was and it killed him that he couldn't do anything to really help her.
"It's just too much," she said, beginning to sound mildly frantic. "I can't handle this, Dean, I can't!"
"Hey, hey," he calmed. "Breathe, sweet girl. Breathe."
There was an unexpected, soft laugh through her tears. "Told you not to call me that," she said, and he could hear the helpless-if-exasperated little grin on her voice.
He smiled a little too, looking down at the ground and remembering when he'd first called her that and had gotten the look. "Yeah you did, didn't you," he murmured, remembering how he'd made a point to call her that a few more times just to annoy her. She was so cute when she was pissed at him. Becoming a little playful despite the heavy situation, Dean pointed out a glaring fact she seemed to have forgotten. "But you also tried to get me to stop calling you James and look how that worked out."
"Goddammit..." she bemoaned ruefully, "You're right."
Dean's smile faded slowly and reluctantly, he piloted the conversation back to serious waters. "All right, look. Y-you need to get a test and find out for sure what the deal is before we get too worried about this whole thing, okay?" He paused then was cautiously optimistic. "Could be a false alarm, right? Maybe?"
"Yeah, could be," she said, but she sounded hesitant. "I um, I already have a test. Just bought it." Dean realized at that moment how hard he was sweating—his palms were warm and clammy, underneath his arms was pouring like he had just run a few miles. He had no idea what the rest of his life would look like if this turned out to be really happening. "But I don't wanna take it, Dean. I just… it sounds so stupid but I almost don't wanna know." She paused and her voice broke again. "I can't—I can't have a kid. I have one foot in the grave, and even if I didn't... I'm not—I'm not ready for this."
Sobered to his deepest level, Dean looked off into middle distance. "Are either of us?" he asked, and he heard how she went silent when he said 'us.' But like he said. He wasn't walking out on her if it turned out to be for real. And this was an 'us' thing in his book, plain and simple. And honestly, the more he thought about it, he wouldn't be devastated if she took the test and it was positive. In fact... he almost thought he would feel the opposite of devastated. Something like love and hope was growing in his chest, and damn—it made him abruptly emotional. Dean stood back up slowly, trying to think hard about how to get to her soon and help her through this. "Where are you?"
She sounded dubious. "Near Boise… why?"
"Okay, look. We're… we're headed to Washington state. As soon as we have this weapon to kill Dick with we're headed out that way and we could—I could meet you or something and I can, um, you know. Be there when you take the test." He paused awkwardly. "That way we, uh—we could find out, you know." He paused again. "Together."
He kind of expected her to suddenly turn cold and say that she was gonna take care of this herself because Jamie regularly refused offers of help and tried to do things on her own. So imagine Dean's surprise when instead of shutting him down, she sounded floored and touched. "…You would do that?"
"I mean, if this is happening…" Dean tried to think of how to say it right. "We… we made it happen together, you know?" He went quiet and wondered what her face was doing at that moment. He wished he could see her. "So… yeah. I guess I just think we should do this part together too, if, uh, if you want that."
Jamie sounded apologetic and embarrassed. "I know it's really ridiculous that I can't take it by myself."
Dean didn't think so, and more than that, he actually and earnestly wanted to be there for that moment, either way it went. "James. It's not stupid. It's a really big deal." Without warning, he had a sudden vision of the two of them with a little blonde toddler and they looked unbelievably happy in his mind's eye. Like a little family. Like people who'd found each other in the world and created something amazing, something hopeful, a totally new person that could have so much more than they ever had. Dean swallowed away a tight throat and spoke softly for fear of a breaking voice. "Maybe the biggest deal ever."
He heard the tearful little smile on her voice. "Yeah?"
Dean smiled too. "Yeah." He glanced over at the convenience store when he saw movement in the corner of his eye. Two familiar figures were approaching: Sam's tall hulking figure beside his eight-inches-shorter sister. They were carrying a couple grocery bags, no doubt full of plain fruit and disgusting sugar-free granola bars. Dean straightened up and wiped his face clear of expression, lowering his voice and turning a little for privacy. "Look, I—I gotta go, the twins are coming." He didn't want them knowing about this whole thing until he knew more. Dean paused earnestly. "I promise, Jamie. As soon as we are done here, I'm gonna come find you and we'll figure this out together, okay?"
He heard her draw in a deep breath. "Yes. Okay."
Dean wondered if she were wondering if he would follow through on that promise; if he might be lying to her. Dean fought himself very hard at that moment because he wanted to tell her something so bad. It was almost painful, the urge to speak those three huge words he had been carrying for what felt like a long time now. It felt right to say them here at a time when James needed to know what he felt and how serious he was about not going away. He wanted to put it out there in plain language. But he couldn't do that over the phone—he wanted to look her in the eye when he told her. So Dean swallowed the words back and tried to smile a little. "Okay you big goof," he said, feeling those three words burning in his chest. But he said three different ones instead: "See you soon."
He heard the fleeting, apprehensive smile on her face. "Roger that, Captain Nerd." He smiled, shaking his head softly at the dynamic they shared that he never expected to find. Her voice softened and he swore maybe he wasn't the only one feeling those big three words in secret: "See you soon."
Regretful to end the call but knowing it was time, Dean hung up and turned around to face his approaching siblings.
Sam was looking at him closely from across the top of the car. "Everything okay?" he asked, eyes squinted slightly.
"Psh." Dean scoffed defensively, probably overdoing his attempts to look flippant. "Yeah. Why wouldn't it be?"
Sam's brow furrowed further and his eyes flicked up and down his brother suspiciously. "…You look weird."
Withering a little at Sam's intuition and observation, Dean said the first thing he could think of. "Your face looks weird," he retorted, pulling open the driver's side door and getting in with a bunch of jerky, brisk movements.
Sam and Alex exchanged a brief glance before getting into the car. The rest of that day and the next, Dean was on edge and neither of the twins could figure out why. There was a lot of finger tapping, constant glancing at his watch and phone, lots of barked insistence to hurry things up and get the job done, move it along. They thought it was the road food thing. The vegetables and the fruit and the lack of pie. He didn't tell them about Jamie's call. He just tried to get the job done as quick as possible so he could get to his girl.
The Next Day
Missoula, Montana
Alex plunked down the heavy bags she'd been saddled with onto the motel room bed. Nearby, the girl who they had rescued last night from the vampire lair in Hoople drifted in meekly, her hands twisting together nervously where she had them clasped.
Eyeing the modestly-dressed brunette teenager out of the side of her eye, Alex pitied her pretty hardcore. Apparently the alpha vampire had kidnapped this girl when she was just a child and used her as a blood source. Her name was Emily and she said she was one of his 'special ones'—meaning since she was a virgin, her blood was a delicacy. She had been isolated from society for years and was very timid, quiet, and jumpy. It was beyond sick what she'd been used for and even if their Hoople endeavor had turned up alpha-less, at least they'd rescued this girl. The plan was to reunite her with her mother just as soon as they tracked down the alpha.
Emily was proving to be a valuable resource—she had known about one of the alpha's secret retreats and guided them here to Missoula to some kind of old monastery on the outskirts of town. She said the alpha would be in there for sure. So now the Winchesters were regrouping here at the motel room and leaving Emily behind where she'd be a safe distance from the action. That, and Sam was insistent that Bobby's flask and his associated ghost be left behind where he couldn't get heightened by violence and chaos. It was probably a good idea. But Alex couldn't stop thinking about how Bobby was realistically fated to becoming a vengeful spirit no matter what they did. They could only slow that process down for so long. Even though the ghost was Bobby, he was motivated by anger and was growing increasingly hostile. It was like losing him twice over.
Sam turned on the TV for Emily as Dean selected a few weapons and repacked them into a single duffel. The last thing he selected was a huge syringe full of human blood. Usually dead man's blood was the only thing you could kill a vamp with besides a good beheading. But as they'd discovered last night at the vampire compound, apparently humans who were eating corn syrup laced foods were poisoning the vampires who fed on them. Following that lead, Sam and Dean had basically just stuck a needle into the first corn syrup stoner they'd seen in town. The guy had been so out of it he probably would have let them do anything. Alex had tested that theory by dumping his slushy over his head after Sam and Dean drew his blood. The guy had blinked slowly and said "h-eeey…" then forgotten what he was doing and just sat there and stared and asked if she was related to Hermione Granger.
"All right, Sam, here we go," Dean said, holding up the syringe of stone-guy's blood for effect. "Ten CC's of vamptonite." At the strange look Sam gave him, Dean shrugged it off. "It's a thing." He stuck the capped syringe into the bag and gave the room a once over, itching to go.
Alex crossed her arms and approached her brothers as Emily watched some celebrity gossip program curiously. "Okay, so what's the plan?"
Sam and Dean gave each other this little look. A look that suddenly told Alex there was something going on that she didn't know about. "Gosh, it's been awhile since you've had some girl time, right Al?" Dean cajoled, grinning and patting her on the shoulder.
Girl time? Alex gaped at him with raised eyebrows and a heightening sense of suspicion. "Huh?"
And then she realized that her brothers had apparently decided between themselves that she wasn't going with them. "We'll be gone like two hours tops," Dean said decisively, his tone not leaving space for argument. And then he threw in a little sarcastic comment for good measure. "Call Cas, maybe he'll come whip you up something in his Easy Bake oven."
"Emily needs someone to watch her," Sam put in earnestly, trying to give Alex a sense of importance.
"What, watch her watch TMZ?" Alex challenged in an indignant whisper.
"It'll be fun," Dean said impatiently. "You two can do all that female stuff, what, like curl your hair and paint your toes and talk about, I dunno, your feelings and your favorite kinds of lotion." He pulled out the Bobby flask and walked it toward the safe, not bothering to try to sound invested. "It'll be great."
"Are you serious?" Alex asked Sam in a harsh whisper so Emily couldn't overhear. The TV's volume made that plausible. "Babysitting?"
Her twin's face was reluctant and cautious and his voice was quiet, too. "Alex, look, we weren't gonna mention it but—you... you've kinda lost your edge lately."
Alex stood back slightly in hurt disbelief. Lost her edge? "...You guys have been talking about me?"
Sam held his hands out slightly in a calming, appealing way. "Look, no offense, okay?" He winced a little, obviously trying to be careful how he worded himself. "But… the stint at Sunny Meadows, the time off the playing field, the… the drugs?" Alex withered a little, embarrassed about the elephant in the room that they never really talked about. Sam was somber and completely earnest. "It's affecting you. It'll be safer if you stay here."
As Dean returned from locking Bobby's flask into the motel safe near the door, Alex didn't bother trying to keep her volume low. She was pissed. "I can fight, I know how, I've done it my whole life!"
Dean was drawn and resigned. "You're rusty, Al. And in this line of work, rusty gets you killed." He paused cynically and threw a hand out for wry commentary. "Granted, Cas mumbo-jumbo magicked you where you're freaky immortal or whatever but I think it'll be better all around if you stay here where you don't get one of us killed." Alex felt herself pale in color as she realized they meant it would be safer for them not safer for her if she stayed behind. Truly wordless, she had no reply. Was she really that rusty? Did they really not want her to go because they thought she'd trip them up like some… some amateur? Dean was continuing onward, already heading for the door. "We gotta go. Time's wasting, I don't have forever."
"What's a Kardashian?" Emily asked from her perch on the bed. She was squinting at the television in complete confusion.
"Useless, that's what," Alex replied flatly, watching her brothers head out with an inscrutable, tight expression on her face.
"All right," Sam said, pausing and giving a small, tense smile. "We'll be back as soon as we can. Hang tight, girls."
Dean opened the door only to have the handle wrench itself out of his hand and slam itself shut. Emily jumped, startled at the loud noise. "Uh… it was the wind," Dean said with a nervous chuckle, gaining an uncertain nod from the teenager in return. Then under his breath, he muttered. "Chill out, Bobby. We'll be back soon. Alex'll keep you company, sheesh." He opened the door again without incident and headed out, Sam exiting first. The last thing Sam saw was Alex's pinched expression and hurt eyes. He felt bad about it, but it was the truth that he'd told her. No more, no less.
"Why's he keep doing that crap?" Dean complained, marching down the hall and quickly gaining the lead.
Sam wasn't sure, but he was vaguely worried. "You don't think Bobby'll do anything, do you?" he asked, walking fast to keep up with his hurried brother. He rounded the corner too fast without looking and bumped into the cleaning lady and her cart. "Oh, sorry!" he apologized, then sidled sideways to pass her.
"I dunno," Dean muttered as soon as they were out of the maid's earshot. "I don't get why he's being pissy point blank unless he's picking up on Al's PMS or something."
That was unnecessary. "Dean. It's not PMS, it's depression." Sam huffed, then stopped Dean forcibly in the motel hallway because he was really feeling like something was bothering his brother. "You okay, man? Acting kinda weird here lately. Something up?" He thought maybe it was the whole Alex fight thing, but it could be something else, too.
Dean practically glared. "Dude, lay off. I just wanna get this job done so I can get onto more important things." He brushed past Sam, who was mystified and jogged to catch up with Dean.
"What's more important than ganking Dick?" Sam asked in disbelief, beginning to think there was something specific Dean had in mind. But Dean just threw an unreadable glance his brother's way and didn't reply.
Meanwhile, unknown to the Winchesters, the wily little Leviathan they thought they had lost a day or so ago was not lost at all. Having the luxury of being able to look like anyone he touched even slightly (the brush of a hand against skin, the touch of his fingertip to a fallen hair) made watching much easier. He had taken on several different appearances as he followed the Winchesters by car, motorcycle, and even semi-truck for the past day or so. But if he were being honest, he preferred the appearance and memory and personality of Kyle Young, also known as Zip.
Zip watched the Winchester brothers exit the motel without the girls that they had gone in with. From his seat in an old Ford Bronco, the Leviathan didn't draw any attention whatsoever. The brothers were headed somewhere important from the looks of their brisk stride. The Leviathan's eyes slid from the brothers to the crack in the curtains of their room. He saw Alex moving around the room and a pang of longing and betrayal pulled at him. Why? Why?
For all of time, since he was created by accident (the half-complete one, the weakest link, the runt), Least, or as he preferred to call himself now, Zip, had existed for one reason. To survive. He had been on the run for his entire life in the dark shadows of Purgatory and the only one he had ever been able to depend on was himself. There had been nothing and no one who had ever taken pity or mercy on him but he had always had an unshakable longing inside to find a way out of the maze and be someone and something better. He'd wanted to have some higher purpose. Some meaning. So when the angel called forth all those souls from Purgatory, when he'd been one of them, when he'd been sucked into that human vessel and drowned in the angel's thoughts and emotions, when a beautiful human face with hazel eyes and a shy, secretive little smile had been stamped onto Zip's mind forever, he'd felt a sense of purpose for the first time. She was someone who needed protecting and preserving, she was someone worthy of love. His love. He had found her and he had made it his mission to be her watcher and her friend; he had been in love with her from the start and so desperate that she might see in him what he saw in her.
Even though he had no human heart, he had a seat of emotions inside of himself and his feelings were real even if they didn't stem from an organ which beat blood through a body. Alex Winchester was the one he'd loved without a choice at first then loved because he knew nothing else, then loved because of how she made him feel. He watched her now though and the love he had once felt was twisting into something darker and much more disturbing. It felt like hatred and jealousy and he was so hurt that his visions of being with her had been crushed. He thought the angel would pale in comparison to him and what he could offer. After all, he'd never betrayed and lied to her like the angel had. He'd never killed her in a fit of jealous rage. Well, until yesterday he supposed glumly. Maybe I'm not better than him. Maybe I'm what they say. The reject, the failure. Zip pined away as he remembered being part of that human girl in a way he had never been part of anyone else. He had loved her so much it hurt and now it enraged him. He wanted her to himself and she wasn't interested at all. Even now that the angel was a pitifully broken version of himself, she still chose him and Zip didn't understand.
He thought of how amazed he'd been when they had been on the floor that rainy night with nothing between them except skin. He'd thought he knew what love was for a moment then when she'd let him that close. The feeling of being with her… he would never forget that. At that time, he'd thought she felt the same as him. After all, sex equaled love, didn't it? That's what the angel's feelings had told Zip. But now he realized the way she wouldn't look into his eyes during the act and the way she kept hiding her face and shutting her eyes had been a clue. A clue that even that night when he'd been in her arms and she'd been his, she hadn't been his. Not really. She'd used him. He was beginning to realize that now.
That fact destroyed what Zip felt for her. Now he was scorned and betrayed and what hurt him the most was how she didn't seem to care about his pain in any small way. How was that fair after what they had been through together? He deserved her to reciprocate; he'd given her protection, he'd killed his own kind for her, he'd subjected himself to human food and habits at Sunny Meadows, he'd gotten her the drugs she needed, he'd done anything she needed or wanted, he'd basically lived for her. Nothing else whatsoever had mattered to him. It was like the angel's feelings he'd been steeped in had gone sour, skewing even further from fervency and love into the dark waters of obsession.
Alex had been the pinnacle of everything. But now the mere sight of her made him feel his every inadequacy and every self-doubt. She was no longer his shining future but a representation of his continually stupid existence. With bitterness filling his every atom, Zip decided Dick Roman could have her.
Alex sat on one bed and Emily sat on the other. The teenager glanced over at Alex and a thin, nervous smile briefly stretched her face before she went back to watching the television. Alex was inwardly berating herself for slipping and getting rusty and wasn't too focused on Emily or entertaining her or talking to her. The more she thought about it, her brothers were right. Ever since last year basically she'd been getting more and more out of practice, more and more unhinged. This has to change. She knew it had to. She had to get so much together it wasn't even funny.
I wish Cas were here, she thought absently. And then she thought about what he'd probably be saying and doing—trying to garden in the dirt patch beside the motel and chasing bees in the parking lot—and she thought maybe she didn't wish Cas was there.
"Hey, um… have you got any more apples?" Emily asked shyly, stirring Alex out of her thoughts. "I really liked those."
Alex got up slowly and went to the space beside the door where Sam had left the backpack that had some food in it. She bent over and looked for more apples… and then was abruptly hit in the head with an empty coffee carafe so hard she blacked out. The glass shattered on impact and left shards scattered everywhere, some with blood smeared bright red onto them.
Emily stood over the unconscious hunter and smiled softly to herself then bent down and dug Alex's phone out of her pocket and put in a number. A few seconds later, her smile grew. "Hi, daddy," she cooed girlishly. "No, I'm close by. Sending you a present." She traipsed out of the room cheerfully, leaving Alex out cold on the floor. The silent observer in the room was angry. Beyond angry. And as such, his surroundings surrendered to his made out of glass shattered and the window blew out as the ghost who watched seethed and tried to focus himself to full power and follow the bitch who'd just hit his sweetheart in the head.
But what happened next in that room made Bobby even angrier.
Four Hours Later
"Look, I told you," Alex muttered cantankerously. She sat on the corner of one of the beds as Sam inspected her head for injuries and Dean stood in front of her with crossed arms and an intense expression. "Kid knocks me out cold and when I wake up, the room's trashed, the flask is gone, and I'm up shit creek without a paddle. Bitch took my phone. What was I supposed to do? Smoke signals?"
Dean was incredulous and looked at her like she'd blown a brain-fuse. "Find a pay phone? Use the front desk?" He thrust a hand out at the phone on the bedside table, beside himself at her lack of initiative. "Use that phone?"
Alex just gave him a prissy look and made no reply.
"Well, I don't see any cuts or bruises at all…" Sam said doubtfully, drawing back from her with a studious frown. "Are you sure she hit you with the carafe?"
Alex pointed to the shattered glass from the object in question. "Luck of the Irish," she supposed sarcastically.
"We're English descent," Sam pointed out.
"Figure of speech dude," Alex said in a bitchy tone then stood up and started to stroll out of the room. "I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette."
The brothers both looked surprised. "Wait," Dean said, frowning hard. "You still do that?"
Alex stopped in the doorway and looked backward with a sarcastic little smile. "Get to know me. Might be fun." And with that little gem, she disappeared and shut the door hard behind herself.
Dean looked like there was a foul taste in his mouth. "Geez, rare form," he complained.
"I mean to be fair getting hit in the head always makes me grumpy too," Sam offered skeptically.
"Whatever," Dean said, more important things on his mind. "We got the alpha blood so what say we let chimney girl have her smoke break while we go to the nunnery and get this bone we need?"
Sam chuckled uncertainly—he'd mentioned that idea on the car ride back after they'd successfully gotten the alpha to hand over some of his blood. "You really think that's a good idea?" Sam asked hesitantly. "I mean, it's kinda out there, it might not work."
"You got any other ideas?" Dean prompted impatiently. "Let's just get this done, Sam. I mean this crypt is close to here and I got no other earthly clue where we could find the right kind of bone so… why not?" He pointed out the obvious. "We got the alpha blood, the angel blood, Crowley's rain check… we just need to get boned."
Sam's face fell at the bad joke. "Just stop."
The brothers went outside to find Alex not smoking but just skulking around like a weirdo and when they told her where they were going, she asked if they wanted her to stay behind and babysit their duffel bags. The answer was no. They packed up and all piled into the stolen SUV and then drove the three hours to the nunnery crypt. Under the cover of darkness they broke in and stole a bone of one Sister Mary Constant who, according to Sam's research, was a beacon of purity and humble goodness in her life. With the bone in their possession, they found the closest motel and checked in and began to get ready to summon Crowley again. His blood was the final ingredient they needed to make the weapon.
While Sam and Dean studiously worked on the demon summons, their sister disappeared without saying where she was going. Chalking it up to her 'PMS,' Dean didn't make too much of it. He was completely focused on ganking Dick and too overwhelmed to deal with her attitude apparently. Sam however kept glancing over his shoulder at the motel door and window, obviously worried.
In record time, Dean completed the summons and motioned for Sam to get ready. He dropped the lit match into the bowl, recited the Latin… and… nothing. The boys looked around in silence for a couple seconds. No Crowley anywhere to be seen.
Dean flipped his hands up in a brief gesture of expectation. "He trying to make a grand entrance or…?"
Similarly confused, Sam looked around suspiciously. "…Dunno."
"Son of a bitch," Dean muttered. "He's standing us up!" He abruptly looked up at the ceiling and shouted. "Come on! I don't got all day! Some of us have things to do you bastard!"
"Well, we summoned him," Sam said evenly, motioning toward the table with the bowl, the drawings, the candles. "Doesn't he kind of have to—"
"Crowley wants to screw you, he'll screw you," Dean interrupted sourly, then stalked off a few steps cagily in what looked like an attempt to calm down.
"Or... he can't come 'cause something went wrong?" Sam suggested hesitantly.
"Well that would be just great if that were the case," Dean wisecracked, brooding over to the window and staring out with a glare on his face. He must have seen Alex, because his next question was about her. "She seem off to you?" he asked in a demanding tone, jerking a thumb at the window.
Sam shrugged. "She's just still pissed at you. And maybe at everything in general, especially us not wanting her to go to the alpha's lair. Took it kinda hard."
Dean thought about that for a second and looked out the window again with a terse expression. "No, it's something else. She's been weird ever since vampire girl clocked her."
Sam appeared somber as he approached his brother. "I think it may just be she's upset about Cas, to be honest with you."
At that moment, the soft sound of angel's wings could be heard and the brothers turned to see a cheerful, smiling Cas standing in the motel room. "Hello Dean. Sam. I heard you say my name and I thought I'd come say hi." He held up a small plastic baggie filled with an amber substance in it. "I have harvested honey, isn't it amazing?" He looked at the bag lovingly, and the brothers were both taken aback.
"…Cas," Dean managed. "W-where the hell have you been? Where'd you go?"
Cas gently set the honey down on the table and got an intensely thoughtful look on his face. "Well, Dean, I've been thinking," he said seriously, like he was about to say something very important. And then he said this: "Monkeys are so clever, and they're sensible in that they leave the skins on the bananas that they eat. Is it really necessary to test cosmetics on them? I mean, how important is lipstick to you, Dean?"
Dean blinked a couple times, deflated. "…Not very."
Not appearing to hear the answer, Castiel looked around the room in mild curiosity. "Where's your sister? I need to talk with her. Not about monkeys, though. Much more morose subject matter such as how I've realized our relationship will never work, I'm afraid." He wrinkled his nose. "What is that smell?"
"She'll be back in a minute," Dean said slowly, a little taken aback at Cas's words. "What's what smell?"
Cas picked up the bone of the nun they'd stolen and sniffed it then smiled to himself. "Mm," he said thoughtfully. "Sister Mary Constant. Good choice."
Sam and Dean exchanged a quick glance and then Sam tried again to get answers out of the angels. "Where've you been, Cas?"
Cas became mildly contrite and set the bone down carefully. "Well, when I left after your sister refused my advances, I wanted to forget everything and just observe the flowers." He abruptly made a face. "And fruit. Flowers come first, obviously. But… I heard nothing from them."
Awkward silence. "You heard nothing from who?" Sam asked, face pinched up in bemusement. "The flowers?"
"No, no. The garrison."
Again, the brothers exchanged a tense look. Sam again spoke first. "Did… did something happen?"
"Well finally the silence was deafening, so I went to look…" Cas sheepishly bent his head down. "I didn't really want to, I'd rather avoid all reality for the time being to be quite honest, but I went. To the home of the prophet just now." He sighed heavily. "They're gone. The entire garrison—dead. If there's anyone left at all, they're in hiding."
"Um, I'm sorry—" Dean approached Cas with a hard face, "but if the angels are dead, where's Kevin?"
Cas got a look on his face like he had just thought of something. "I could steal them from their cages, the monkeys, but where would I put them all?"
"Hey!" Dean clapped his hands once and raised his voice. "Focus! Is Kevin alive?"
Markedly uncomfortable and even a little upset, Cas spoke louder, too, and he sounded scared. "I don't want to fight," he said, his eyes flickering around nervously between Dean's gaze and the floor. "Don't like fighting. Don't like conflict or pain or unhappiness of any kind so please—I'm imploring you. Don't ask me to get involved in anything that isn't beekeeping or gardening or poetry." He sounded vaguely panicked.
Dean realized the angel would bail if he didn't calm down so he fought very hard to control himself. "Okay, look—" he forced a smile and spoke very calmly. "We're worried. Just tell us where Kevin is please, Cas."
That worked. "They took him," Cas said quietly. "To that SucroCorp place I think. It was warded against angels which I found strange, so I couldn't see into the building or enter it either and I'm afraid I don't know if he's alive, but… it's in your hands now." He smiled as if he were greatly relieved, then wandered over to the nearby bed and began to go through the clothes Dean had dumped out all over the bedspread—of all things, the angel began to match socks.
"Wait. Hold on a freakin' minute. Are you serious?" Dean asked incredulously. "The kid needs our help, your buddies didn't do their job to protect him and you're just gonna… fold clothes?"
Cas picked up a pair of black boxers and looked at it oddly. "Is this your underwear, Dean?"
Dean marched over and snatched them away. "Give me those. Answer the question, Cas!"
"I only make things worse when I'm involved," the angel said, avoiding Dean's piercing gaze and pulling a pair of jeans out of the pile and folding them neatly. "Why would you want my help considering my track record? You don't need me. You'll rescue Kevin because you're the heroes of this story and then we'll all celebrate and I can make everyone dinner, whatever they like best, and oh! We can have pie for dessert, I know just the kind!" He paused abruptly and looked around with an odd expression. "What is that smell?"
At that second, the motel room door opened and Alex walked in, her gait lazy and imprudent. Then she saw Cas and stopped short, her eyes going super wide. She almost looked like she was about to run away, and in an inexplicable act, Castiel's face went cold and he charged her and grabbed her and slammed her into the wall so hard that plaster flew and cracked. The brothers of course assumed Castiel had lost his mind and immediately lunged and tried to pull him off of their sister. "Cas stop!" Dean shouted, uselessly pulling on Cas. "Get off her!"
"This is not your sister!" the angel thundered, his voice shaking with authority. He looked at Alex, who was simply smirking underneath his grip. She'd just broken a wall but looked totally a-okay, and when the brothers saw that, they drew back slightly. "Looks like her, but isn't her," Cas said, looking at the woman he was pinning to the wall dangerously. "Doesn't have the soul, doesn't have the right smell." Cas clenched her clothing all the tighter and leveled her with a furious glare. "Where is she? What did you do with my—with Alex Winchester?"
The impostor just smiled wolfishly, taking her time to reply. "Don't you look handsome today, Castiel?" she purred, then her eyes took on a seductive gleam. "Gosh, I just love it when you put me up against the wall…"
Visibly disturbed, Castiel's grip loosened and then gave out completely as he stepped away and retreated backwards by a couple steps. And then Sam, who'd found a spare supply of borax in a quick search, sprayed at his sister's lookalike—and she screamed as the soapy water drenched her. Skin sizzled and smoked off her face.
The brothers were wide-eyed and beside themselves, thunderstruck. "Oh my god," Sam breathed as it settled in: Alex had been taken and replaced.
"Damn, Sammy," the Leviathan said as Alex's face dripped off partway thanks to the borax. "After all we've been through. That stings."
Dean was absolutely pissed and grabbed her by the jacket. "Who are you!?"
She made no attempts to do anything at all when he shook her. "A messenger," she said. Her face was normal again, but some black goo had dripped out onto her clothing, making for a garish sight. "Dick's waiting for you to come visit." Her sly smile grew. "And he has your precious little sister, too."
That goading was enough to make Dean snap. "Where?" he demanded, then shook her hard. "Where, you asshole?!"
She seemed amused by his abuse. "It's not a secret, Dean, you don't need to rattle me around like a maraca. SucroCorp headquarters. Come any time." She wiggled her eyebrows up once suggestively. "Dress for dinner. The boss is expecting you."
"Well you can tell your boss to eat me!" Dean shouted thoughtlessly.
Alex's eyes narrowed as she obviously contemplated his stupidity. "That's… the basic plan."
Dean let go with a hard shove and a mouth pushed into a thin line. The room got quiet and the Leviathan waited expectantly. "Well?" she prompted playfully. "Aren't you gonna try to chop my head off or something?"
Dean blinked a couple times, taken aback, then his eyes went sidelong to his brother, who immediately refused. "Don't look at me," he said. "No way."
"Well I'm not doing it!" Dean protested, then looked at Cas, who was the same as Sam.
"I couldn't possibly," the angel said, slightly sickened.
"Wow, you three are total chumps," the Alex impostor said, shaking her head and making a face. And then without warning there was a sound of something swishing and a machete sliced through the air and then thunked into the wall—and consequently into the space between the Leviathan's head and shoulders.
Shocked and scarred, the men turned to see who had thrown the weapon and beheaded the Leviathan.
"Hello, boys," Crowley said, wiping his hands together in wan, bored accomplishment. "Just doing what I knew you couldn't." He turned a very unhappy gaze onto the angel. "Well well well. Castiel. When last we spoke, you—well, enslaved me. I'm confused. Why aren't you dead?"
Traumatized at what he'd just seen happen to a woman who looked exactly like his wife, the angel was extremely torn up emotionally. "I… don't know."
"Well, do you want to be? 'Cause I can help with that," he said, then turned his anger onto Dean and Sam. "Unbelievable! I came here to help you and I find out you've been lying to me, harboring an angel, and not just any angel—the one angel I most want to crush between my teeth!"
Dean wasn't in the mood. "You shut up, Crowley!" he thundered. "I don't have time for this! We need your blood, now! Those gooey bastards have Alex!"
Crowley took a beat, narrowing his eyes. "And you think I care about that why...?"
"Just hand over the blood!" Dean demanded, and out came the demon blade. "Now."
Castiel stepped in front of Dean marginally and attempted to take things down a notch. "Please, Crowley, we'd—very much appreciate it if you would help us with this."
"Oh goodness, how polite of you," Crowley said snidely. "So tell me, buddy, what's the upstairs crowd think of you these days? After you mucked it all up and went nuclear on Saint Peter's pearly gates and all that?"
"Well, I'm still, uh, honing my communication strategy," Cas said, becoming nervous and childlike. "I haven't even been back to Heaven. I-I keep thinking there are no insects up there, but here we have... trillions. You know, they're making honey and silk and... miracles, really."
Beside himself, Crowley stared hard for a second. "…What are you on about?"
"Um, preferring insects to angels, I guess," Cas said, then grabbed the bag of honey he'd brought earlier. "Here. I can offer a token of goodwill. It's honey. I-I collected it myself. I can get you more if you help us." He paused and at Crowley's look of utterly confounded confusion, Cas tried one more time. "It's extremely delicious."
"You're off your rocker," Crowley said, then looked around at the boys for confirmation. "He's off his rocker—is that it?" A slow little smile spread across his face. "Karma's a bitch, innit?"
Dean was losing patience. "Look, did you come here to donkey-punch your old grudges or to help us cream Dick? Pick a battle and make it snappy—and oh yeah, remember who has the demon blade, pal."
"Such an ape," Crowley muttered at him. "Well, I'm vexed. I'd like to do both. But where's the fun in clobbering a ball of wet fur?" He eyed Cas in mild disappointment. "Text me when Sparkles here retrieves his marbles, I suppose. Meanwhile…" he dug a hang into his inner jacket pocket and produced a small vial of blood. "A prezzie."
Sam looked doubtful. "…Really? Just boxed-up and ready to go?"
"I'm a model of efficiency," Crowley replied breezily.
"Is that right?" Sam challenged. "Then why were you late?"
"Dick had me in a devil trap. He's not an idiot. He knows what you two are after, obviously." He motioned back at the head and body of the Leviathan that was nearby. "Exhibit A, gentlemen. I daresay he's quite expecting you. How did the invasion of the bodysnatchers happen, by the way? I thought you three never let each other out of your sights or some bollocks like that."
Sam straightened as his arms uncrossed. "Wait. Did you see Alex when you were there?"
"Yes in fact I did," Crowley returned casually, then made a brushing off motion. "Relax, she's fine." He paused and reevaluated his statement. "Well, fine's not really the word, but she's alive. That's something, isn't it?"
"Son of a bitch," Dean muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to control himself.
"That's why it was warded against angels…" Castiel breathed in soft horror.
Sam was the only one who was able to respond to Crowley. "Why did Dick have you there?" he demanded in a hard voice. "What'd he want?"
"He offered me a fair deal in exchange for giving you the wrong blood." He indicated the vial he still held. "It's demon, but is it mine?" He paused, then smiled leisurely. "It's my blood. Real deal."
"And why should we trust you?" Dean asked, his jaw working overtime as it clenched and unclenched.
"Good god, don't!" Crowley exclaimed in exasperation. "Never trust anyone. A lesson I learned from my last business partner." His eyes slunk to Cas meaningfully, then he approached Dean and smacked the vial of blood to the hunter's chest and looked at him meaningfully. "Now. Don't mess this up. Tell sis I said hi."
Dean's hand moved up to take the vial even as Crowley disappeared. Left alone and stunned momentarily, the three of them were silent for a long three seconds. Then Dean curled his fingers around the vial decisively and nodded. "Okay. All right. Let's make this weapon and then go get our girl."
"Yes," Cas said, nodding with his face like a mask. "You make the weapon and go save our girl. I'll be here, tidying up."
Dean's eyebrows rose. "…Tidying up? Cas. Um. We could use your help here, I mean—"
"I can't help," Cas said sharply, backing up a little. "You understand? I can't. I destroyed... everything, and I will destroy everything again."
Dean and Sam exchanged a brief, tense glance. "So you're just gonna sit this one out," Dean surmised darkly.
Castiel was cowed and obviously humiliated. "You make me sound so cowardly," he said softly, staring at the ground. "I—I remember what I did, Dean. What I allowed to happen. I broke it all and I'm not going t-to risk breaking anything again, especially not her." His eyes rose bravely. "You and your brother, you're the ones who can save your sister. I can't save anyone. Can we please just leave it at that?"
Dean shook his head. "No." His voice hardened. "No, we can't. We can't leave it. You let these friggin' things in. They took my sister." No real response except the angel's eyes dropping away from his. Dean went closer, getting desperate for a reaction. "Cas! They have your wife, man!" Cas's eyes snapped up to Dean, and even Sam was taken aback. Dean punched his palm for affect. "Get pissed! The Cas I know would already be at the doors, tearing 'em down to get her out! So why are you just standing here and feeling sorry for yourself?!"
Cas's expression broke. "Because Dean, look what happened last time I tried to save her!" His low voice trembled and he made no attempt to cover it up. "It was more than I knew how to handle and I killed her and then I destroyed Heaven and wiped out countless innocents on earth. The spiders, Dean… if it wasn't for scientists migrating arachnids in from other continents to combat my mistake there, I could also hold myself accountable for several species of lizards and birds extinction. But even worse than that, the people I murdered. Don't you see it, Dean? I'm cursed. I'm bad luck, the worst. I'm assured destruction. No one should want my help. I should die."
"Okay. Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa. Stop right there." Dean wet his lips, not sure how to condense everything into a few sentences, not sure how to convince Cas to man up and fix his mistakes and help them. "You're scared to mess up again. I get it, Cas, I've been there. Don't you think I've been there?" Cas knew. Cas knew Dean's history, his shortcomings, his mistakes. And Dean knew the same of Cas. Very well. He'd spent so much time holding shit against this guy and wishing they'd never crossed paths. And yet there seemed to be no getting rid of him, and Dean needed his help one more time. "But you know what? Bottom of the ninth, and you're the only guy left on the bench... sorry, but I'd rather have you in our corner, cursed or not. You messed up big last time, I'm not saying you didn't. But that was when you decided to do it all on your own. This time we're right here with you. Sam and me, we're on board with wherever this flight ends up so we expect you to be too, all right?"
Cas was softened and intrigued by that and Dean kept going, giving it all he had: "This is something, someone worth risking it for, Cas! We need your help. You don't get to walk away from this one; I won't let you! And anyway, nut up, all right? We're all cursed. I seem like good luck to you?" His impassioned rant had Cas smiling moonishly as his eyes softly stared into Dean's. A little grossed out, Dean gave him a weird look. "What?"
"Well, I don't want to make you uncomfortable…" Cas said, and those words definitely made Dean uncomfortable, "but I detect a note of forgiveness. A small one."
Dean pushed his mouth into a cranky line. "…Don't push it, man."
Cas nodded seriously and thought a minute in faint worry. "All right. You've convinced me. Let's save her. The three of us." He stood up straight and looked like he was bracing himself. "I promise you, I'll do my very best."