Song Remains the Same
Chapter 126 / Back to Business
"It is not until much later, as the skin sags and the heart weakens,
that children understand; their stories, and all their accomplishments,
sit atop the stories of their mothers and fathers: stones upon stones,
beneath the waters of their lives."
― Mitch Albom
Movie night with the Winchester family had never been a 'thing.' Not something they put an official name to, anyway. Honestly, most evenings when they'd been younger kids growing up and left to their own devices, they'd gotten into trouble, not watched TV. But when they had settled in and watched a movie or a show, it had usually gone about the same. The brothers argued over what to watch while their sister quietly took the remote and started watching something and ignoring their bickering. The boys would eventually cease their squabbling and notice what their sister was doing, disagree with her choice in viewing, then try and snatch the remote away. That was Alex's favorite part quite honestly, because running around a motel room and evading two annoyed brothers was some of the best fun a little sister could have. She would dodge around like a little furry critter, slipping out of grasps and darting over furniture at what felt like superhuman speeds at the time. If her laughter had been audible, it would have been roof-shattering peals.
The brothers inevitably caught her, usually sooner rather than later. It was a great game for them all. After they got her and everyone was laughing and exasperated and riled up, they all flopped in a pile on the bed that had the best view of the TV screen—Alex would try and get the remote again for awhile (mostly just to annoy the brothers). In between her snatching attempts, there they would argue again over what to watch (Dean and Sam fighting over the remote, Alex kicking or smacking them in the head when she didn't like their choices) until they found something they all agreed on. Then it was time to watch. Alex would calm down and bite her nails absently and lean onto whichever brother was closer. Sam paid utmost attention to every second of whatever was on the screen and got very grumpy if you said things or distracted him at all. Dean offered sarcastic or inappropriate commentary for awhile then would perk up and decide popcorn was needed to make the moment complete. Sometimes they had popcorn around, sometimes they didn't. When they did have it, Dean popped a bag or two and shared it with the twins (after throwing some at mostly Sam, who got mad about it—Alex just tried to catch pieces with her mouth). The night would grow late as it always did and eyes would become weary. Alex usually fell asleep first, then Sam, then inevitably Dean. In the morning, the TV would still be going and popcorn kernels were strewn across the bed and lodged into folds of clothing. Elbows and feet would be in each other's faces, mouths would be yawning open as snores created a morning chorus.
Maybe it wasn't like other families' movie nights, but it had been theirs, and all three Winchesters remembered those times fondly. These days with all of them grown up in their thirties, movie nights like the ones of their childhood were just a far off memory. It had honestly been forever since they watched something for fun, or it felt like that anyway. Currently, they were gathered at the long library table at the bunker and watching an old film reel projection closely. Not for entertainment, either. They were on the hunt for information—anything that would lead them any closer to finding out what 'curing a demon' meant. Sam had been poring over everything that the bunker had to offer on anything demonic in nature and had found this particular film reel in association with a possession that the file had claimed was 'weird!'
While Sam and Dean sat a few chairs away from each other in serious, silent contemplation of the movie playing, Cas and Alex sat closely together and there was a bowl of popcorn in front of them which Alex had almost finished… all by herself while waiting for Sam to get the reel to play. Cas had tried a couple bites of it, made strange faces as he chewed slowly, then proclaimed that all he could taste was molecules. Whatever that meant.
The film that was projected onto the darkened library wall appeared to be a documentary recording of a demonic possession in which a couple of priest looking guys were attempting to exorcise a demon who was somehow bound in place by chains. Dean and Sam spotted a woman on the reel who they thought was Abaddon, a demon they had mentioned briefly to Alex. She was very pretty, this Abaddon. The film showed the priests as they performed a dual exorcism on the demon in chains—and to finish the exorcism, one priest slashed his palm open and then clapped his bloody hand over the demon's mouth—sending light flashing out of her eyes and then leaving the human being dead and lying on the ground with her chest split open completely. That was something the Winchesters had never seen before. Ever. The demon seemed to be dead—not expelled. Dead. And so was the human who had been possessed. How had those priests done that? The Winchesters were all gaping even as the projector clicked and then grunted to a stop, cutting off jarringly, leaving the four viewers in a semi-shocked silence.
Alex was the first to speak as her gaze slowly went to Sam. "Well, that was weird with three exclamation points." Her twin said nothing, just looked back at her with a vaguely traumatized expression—like he could find nothing to say at the moment.
"Chyeah," Dean supplied, staring in aghast puzzlement at where the movie had just been playing.
After a couple more confounded beats, Sam found his voice. "That… wasn't a normal exorcism, right?" he asked hesitantly. Obviously it wasn't. "They changed the words."
"And did that blood stuff," Alex added in deep thought. All this time, she only thought you could battle a black-eyed baddie with the demon blade or the standard exorcism. Maybe there were more options out there after all. What else didn't they know?
"That exorcism was different than the one you use." Cas was frowning in a scholarly manner as he cast a glance between the three Winchesters who were now suddenly all looking at him for answers. He faltered, suddenly appearing pressured and a little unsure. "I uh, I believe 'lustra' is Latin for wash or cleanse…" he offered tentatively.
Dean made a face. "Oh, yeah, 'cause the most freaky thing was the vocabulary," he dismissed. Obviously, he was a little mad that the film didn't have anything else on it to answer all the sudden, new questions. "Dude. What did we just watch? Like did you guys see… the, the bloody high five or the chest burster?" His siblings gave him looks that said duh. Obviously. Kind of hard to miss that. Dean ignored his own stupid question and looked at Sam intently. "Okay so anything else on the film, like—I dunno, director's commentary? Sequel, maybe?" He looked at Sam, who had a few journals and files piled up. "I need more info, stat."
Sam shuffled noisily through some papers for a second before finding something of interest. "Yeah, um… yeah. So get this. The older priest, Max Thompson, bit the dust in fifty-eight, but the younger one's still alive and still in St. Louis." He paused then looked at Dean in resignation. Sam was obviously exhausted and feeling very sick, but he probably wouldn't ever admit to how bad he felt. He was bound and determined to keep carrying on even if it killed him. "Maybe he can help us figure out what we just saw." Dean chewed that idea over reluctantly, eyeing his brother doubtfully. Sam was not doing well—he was pale, drawn, and sapped of his normal youth. Dean suddenly looked entirely exhausted in every way possible too, and very against the idea of going anywhere at all. Sam saw that and leaned a little closer, his expression earnest and impassioned. "Dean, everything in those folders—the possessions, the deals, all of it—we've seen that before, but this?" He gestured at the film reel in that slightly impassioned way he had when he was feeling really convicted about something. "This was all new. It's worth the drive. And it's only like four hours from here so I say we get right on it. Yesterday. And if you're not up to it… I'll go by myself."
That comment immediately snapped Dean out of his indecision. "Oh no. No no. Can't get rid of me that easy, Sammy." He stood up, suddenly the picture of resolute. But it was obvious that he was emotionally battered and not really all there. But he didn't complain or get huffy or decide to make it about himself. He just put his game face on. "Let's roll." Even though she was incredibly tired too, Alex stood up, rallying herself and deciding that she was gonna make herself have energy and support her brothers who were probably just as tired (if not more so) than her. Even before her knees were straightened all the way, Dean shook his head as he adjusted his jacket. His expression was hard to read. "Not you two." Right beside Alex, Cas's face twisted in innocent confusion that bordered on slight hurt.
A bit taken aback at his monotone command, Alex tried to stay neutral and give her oldest brother the benefit of the doubt. But it was hard not to be suspicious because Dean could go from decent guy to asshole in two seconds flat. "…Why not?" she asked cautiously, pretty sure he was just getting ready to be a dick. Then, he proved her wrong.
Dean sighed gustily. "Naomi is still out there, right?" he asked, reminding her about something she hadn't even thought about. That was right… "And we haven't dealt with Crowley yet who I'm sure is gonna be just thrilled about your little escape." Dean exchanged a meaningful glance with Cas, who seemed to concur. Dean drew in a deep, bracing breath then eyed Alex again in a more gentle way. His face softened. "That and you kinda look like crap," he teased, cracking a little soft smile at her. Melting and feeling like a jerk for assuming what she had, Alex covered over her guilt with a sheepish, weary smile and crossed arms. She felt like crap for sure. Depleted and a little ill and very hungry with a terrible headache. But all of that was nothing in comparison to Hell, so… she wasn't gonna complain. In fact, she wanted to say thank you. Dean walked over and grasped her shoulder and held her gaze. His physical proximity made her feel a little better. "Get some rest," he commanded in a kind voice, then gave Cas a meaningful look. "Both of you. Catch up some more. Bust more light bulbs, I dunno. Me and Sam got this. It's a milk run." He whacked Cas on the side of the shoulder before heading off. "Take care of 'er, Cas."
Cas's face softened and the hint of a smile rose on his lips. He obviously liked that directive—he stood a little taller with his chest swelling slightly. "I will."
Even though that was kind of a sweet moment, Alex's face was tensing up as she looked between her brothers—Dean glancing over the papers Sam had piled up, Sam putting his jacket on and looking like utter shit. He looked so bad, almost like a chemo patient or something—just drained of his youth and virility. Alex was already stressing over her brothers' absence and being away from them. "Just don't be gone long…" she hedged, worry making her voice taut.
Sam, ever the empathic one, came over and gave her a big hug. He felt thinner than Alex remembered, and she could even feel that his temperature was a little too warm as they hugged. She embraced him tighter, worried vastly for reasons she couldn't quite name. She didn't want to let go of him. She really didn't. "We won't be long," Sam assured, then drew back and gave her one of his brave little thin smiles, ruffling her hair as she gave a halfhearted protest, then headed out after Dean.
Now wait just a minute. Alex crossed her arms, eyes on her oldest brother. She cleared her throat loudly, making Dean stop in his tracks at the foot of the stairs. He looked back at her with prompting impatience. She gave him an expectant look. "Forgetting something…?" She held her arms out slightly, indicating herself.
Understanding crossed her brother's face. "Oh." Mildly embarrassed because he genuinely seemed to have just forgot, Dean came back over to her and hugged her: strong arms and a familiar burly chest and his smell of aftershave, whiskey, and car leather. Her heart kind of clenched and caught in her chest as those smells brought back childhood, teenage years, and young adult life—all with him, her best friend and partner in crime. Times had changed. So had they. Dean's voice grumbled against her as the hug held. "Sorry, sweetheart," he apologized in a weary voice. "Lot on my mind."
She was sure that was putting it mildly. And she understood a thousand percent. "I know, Dean. It's okay." Alex hung onto him tight and then used a voice only they could hear. "Look out for Sammy," she whispered into the collar of his jacket. "I'm worried."
Dean sighed haggardly, his hand tightening a little on the back of one of her shoulders. Without even saying anything, she understood that he had the same feelings. "Don't worry, kiddo," his deep voice rumbled quietly. "It's all gonna be fine." Alex shut her eyes and clung onto that reassurance—the same reassurance he'd given her time and time again growing up. He stayed there a second in the hug and then kissed the side of her head, pulled back, gave her a thin smile, squeezed her upper arms, then sauntered off toward Sam. He called back over his shoulder without looking back, presumably talking to Cas. Or Alex. Or maybe both. "You be good. And hey, and don't do anything I wouldn't do!"
Alex shook her head with a fond little smile. "Drive safe, loser."
Dean pretended to sound annoyed—he was almost completely out of the room and his voice was fainter because of it. "Yeah, love you too."
Hanging back, Sam gave a cheesy little salute with two fingers at his temple and then the brothers went walking up the stairs. Together, Cas and Alex watched them go—and then in a gesture of solidarity, Cas looped his arm over Alex's shoulder and drew her a little closer to his side. When the bunker door slammed loudly behind the brothers, Alex put her hand against the side of her face—her temples were pounding and that loud sound made it worse. "Ugh…" she muttered, thinking of painkillers briefly and then feeling a slight instance of terror. Pills. She did not want to take another pill again in her lifetime, ever. She was too scared to get addicted again.
Very close, his faced turned toward her, Cas was watchful. "Does your head hurt?" he asked, peering at her with too much concern.
Or maybe it wasn't too much concern. It really hurt. "Yeah… a lot," she muttered, wondering why it had gone from sorta annoying to full-blown hammering in the head in the past few minutes. Maybe it was from staring at that projection on the wall? But the movie had only been like four minutes long, if that. Cas's hand suddenly touched warmly to the side of her face, startling her out of her thoughts. Light radiated from beneath his palm and Alex's eyes snapped up to look at his face. His eyes bored into hers, and then the light was gone—and so was the pain. Holy instant relief, Batman! Alex felt a relieved grin break over her face at the sudden sensation. Did Cas know how to take away headaches? He really was handy to have around. "What'd you do?" Alex asked in an impressed tone, tentatively pressing at her temples which were no longer tender and painful.
Cas looked mildly regretful. "It was your wisdom teeth, I think."
Alex registered surprise. "Oh yeah." Having a brand new body or at least one reset to a few years back was coming a regular occurrence for her. "How many times are those gonna keep reappearing?" she asked, a half-joke and a half-genuine question.
"I hope that was the last time," Cas said sincerely, his voice soft and low.
Growing more somber, Alex slipped her hand down the length of his arm and found his hand then let their fingers lace. "Thanks, Cas," she said quietly. Not just for the wisdom teeth removal. For everything he'd done for her ever. She craned upward and gave him a brief, soft kiss that his lips tugged upward at. Her eyes fell closed for a couple long seconds as the kiss she meant to only be a peck lasted for a few seconds longer.
When Alex pulled back and opened her eyes, she cracked a grin. "So, we have this place to ourselves, huh? Wanna explore?" She gripped his hand tighter, already pulling him along with her and giving him no chance to reply. "Let's explore."
And explore they did. The bunker was a large and interesting place and had hallways and corridors that seemed to twist forever downward into everything secretive and intriguing. After finding an old gym, a heated pool room, a car garage and a storage pantry the size of Texas, Alex and Cas were heading down yet another dim hallway… but Alex was beginning to get almost exasperated with all the exploration. It was beginning to feel like a chore and her stomach was churning—she felt hungry but also queasy and she made a face while pressing a hand to her abdomen briefly. Pepto bismol, I need you. "I don't think this place ever ends," she finally stated, and it was a decidedly grumpy statement. Her mood felt a little more volatile than usual, like at the drop of a hat it could change.
Cas's eyes squinted up and a smile played quietly at the corners of his lips as he looked sidelong. "Do you really think that, or are you being hyperbolic?" Alex gave him the look. After all, she'd lived a life of the bizarre, magical, and paranormal… so maybe it was a legit possibility. Either way, Cas stopped and ran his palm thoughtfully along the symbol etched into one of the doors they passed. "Your grandfather was one of these Men of Letters, correct?" he asked, recognizing the symbol that he was touching as their brand.
"That's what Sam and Dean said," Alex said, wandering the hallway slowly in a listless fashion. "They explained it to me when I didn't remember who I was so I wasn't paying much attention." Oops. But amnesia tended to make a person feel pretty scattered-brained. Now she was very interested to hear that whole story again. Henry, they said his name was. She felt a twinge of sadness and stopped walking. "But yeah," she sighed, wondering what he looked like and if he had been similar to Dad. "Apparently being thrown into the paranormal world just runs in the family," she said pensively. "And dying younger than you should, too." She turned to look at Cas directly. That made her think of another someone who had died too young. It was hard to bring her up, but Alex had to ask because of what she'd overheard. "Dean uh… he asked you to save Jamie, didn't he? Earlier today."
Castiel looked immediately regretful. "Yes."
Alex's heart fell. "...And you can't?"
Letting out the softest and least-noticeable sigh through his nose, Cas shook his head as his eyes went downward. "Not safely, no." He flattened his mouth briefly. "I would if I were able. But another trip to the underworld would probably kill me right now." His eyes raised back up to look into hers. "If I had nothing to live for, I would risk it. But as it stands… I have everything to live for."
As sweet as it was for him to say that, Alex was pained on Dean's behalf. She sensed that Dean's outward struggles were only a small indicator of his inward ones. "He must really love her," she murmured. She was trying to remember the times she'd seen the two of them together—trying to figure out how it had gotten so serious. It was honestly leaving Alex fumbling emotionally for the correct reaction. She had never really liked when Dean got attached to other women—one night stands and flings? Whatever. But things of greater substance? They always made Alex nervous. Yes, she wanted her brother to be happy and have someone, she guessed. But the women who had stayed in his life for awhile? Cassie, Lisa? Those women had made a certain type of fear wrench inside of Alex. A fear that she would be replaced as the most important female in her big brother Dean's life. Alex felt another pang in her chest. Jamie had been her friend first—they'd been through some real, true shit together. That girl didn't deserve Hell.
"Yes. He does love her," Cas confirmed gravely, pulling Alex out of her spiraling thoughts. Cas sounded certain of that fact. He regarded her with a certain weight to his eyes which caught Alex's attention. He almost seemed to feel some amount of dread for what he was about to say—and immediately, she felt dread, too. "Alex… we're not supposed to keep secrets anymore, you and I," he began slowly, his eyes shifting nervously before he paused again in tense thought—like he was debating himself. Alex tried not to get freaked out, but all she could think was oh no. Cas shuffled his feet and watched his shoes, perhaps searching for a way to look occupied. "Well. I have one. About Dean. And it weighs heavily on me. I… I suppose I should tell you."
Alex's stomach twisted in nervousness. She wasn't sure if she could handle more bad news right now. And what kind of secret could Castiel possibly have about him? "…W-what about Dean?"
Castiel was the picture of uncomfortable, which only made Alex feel more and more rising dread. "Now, you… you have to swear not to tell him what I'm about to divulge," he said nervously. "Jamie made me promise not to tell anyone." Alex blinked her eyes wider. Jamie? "But, we've promised to keep no secrets, so I should tell you." Castiel paused there, brow scrunching up in earnest apprehensiveness as he second guessed himself. "…Shouldn't I?"
Although she was incredibly, dreadfully curious, Alex was already shaking her head no. If it had been anyone else, maybe. But Jamie was a smart, trustworthy person in Alex's book. She wouldn't ask something to be kept a secret unless it was important for it to not be known. "If Jamie made you promise not to tell anyone… I don't think I wanna know." Although, Alex now had a bunch of questions. Like when had this happened? What would Jamie tell Castiel about and not want Dean to know?
Cas looked a little confused. "But you said we had to tell each other everything," he said slowly.
Alex had said that. "Well, yes—usually," she explained. "But unless this thing you're talking about is something that's gonna threaten or save Dean's life… unless I need to know, then don't tell me." Somehow, she sensed that it was too personal for her to know. "Jamie wouldn't swear you to secrecy unless it was something private. It was between the two of you. And I mean… I want to respect that, I guess."
Nodding as he swallowed down what he'd been told, Cas agreed with her decision. "All right."
Alex hesitated, then was unable to stop herself from asking. "…But was it something bad?" she asked, then cast around for some kind of possible scenario for an example. "Did she… I dunno, cheat on him or something?"
Castiel looked unsure of how to respond. "No. It's… not something bad." His eyes were far off in thought. "It's something that would certainly change everything for Dean, though. Even now with her gone." Their eyes locked and Alex nodded faintly, perplexed. She had a hunch. She had a theory. Cas seemed to sense her thoughts. "I think if you knew, it might too heavy a burden to bear," he said quietly. That was kind of confirmation. Saying without saying. Alex's eyes drifted downward and her heart was twisting and hammering hard. She did not want to know this. She could feel Cas studying her closely. "But I don't want to keep anything from you, so if you ask me—if you change your mind… I'll tell you. Anything. Everything."
Alex nodded her understanding and gratitude at Cas's willingness. Whatever Jamie's secret was, Alex chose to let it stay a secret. She reached out and took his hands then held his gaze. She remembered when he had been hiding things from her. They both knew where those secrets had led. What those hidden things had done. "Thank you," she told Cas earnestly. "After everything that happened… that means the world to me." This was going to be different than before. Cas wasn't going to lie or hold things back from her ever again. He wanted to be totally transparent with each other. "But seriously. Don't tell me whatever it is," she said, shaking her head. "I just can't carry much more right now." She said that and it hit her as being much realer than she thought and she exhaled with chagrin, letting her eyes drop away from him. She wished she could be stronger.
Compassionate, Cas nodded and touched her face, fingers threading through her hair absently. His every touch felt like the most chaste and comforting romance. "You don't have to," he told her earnestly and quietly. He would carry it for them. With shining eyes, Alex nodded yes and tried to keep her face from showing her distress. Cas of course knew her too well for that by then and pulled her gently toward him, letting her face and head nestle against him.
Letting her angel hold her, Alex was quiet for a long moment, thinking and thinking and thinking. Mostly about her oldest brother. "I remember Dean when he was this… carefree, goofy guy," she lamented in a stark whisper. "Well, carefree compared to now anyway…" She went silent for a moment, thinking of how much he had changed in the most recent years. He was more tired and worn down. Missing the sparkle of his youth. And not accessible like he used to be. That was what hurt the most. This invisible divide she felt whenever he was close. "He was my best friend," she whispered, voice getting unsteady. "We just… we just got each other, you know?" She shut her eyes tight, feeling a wave of incredible emotion crashing over her. I need to get my hormone levels checked or something. Her feelings were so intense and the urge to cry was riotous, abnormally so. All she could think about was how she and Dean had drifted apart and didn't seem to know the way back to each other anymore. "I knew no matter what he'd be there for me, that we'd always have each other's backs and always be close," she said, overwhelmed with how differently the future had unfolded. "I knew it. And now look at us. How did this happen? He's… breaking apart while I watch." She pulled back, slightly panicked and looking at Cas with a desperate expression. "I can't let that happen."
Filled with empathy but also great sadness, Cas said the thing she already knew and didn't want to be reminded of. "Alex… I don't know if that's yours to control or not."
It wasn't. And she thought that she might just break apart completely when Cas said that. Her face crumpled and her tense emotions burst right out of her into a soft sob. "I feel like I already lost him," she choked out, distraught because she literally didn't know what to do. "And I don't even know when it happened." She abruptly made a pissed face, dashing away her tears like she was trying to smack them off her face. Almost growling in frustration, she cursed herself for being so all over the place. Being sad about it wasn't going to fix anything, she needed to just deal with one thing at a time.
In the face of her frustration with herself, Cas was sympathetic and reached out to brush a thumb across one of her teary cheeks. He anchored her back to earth, and as her thoughts turned, her emotions steadied. She shook her head wearily, because there was nothing else to do. With a longsuffering sigh, she gave him a tired, helpless smile. "I love you, Trenchcoat."
Both puzzled and amused, Cas smiled even as his eyes squinted. "'Trenchcoat'?" he questioned. "Is… this a new nickname?"
"Yeah," she said fondly, then gave him a challenging little look. "What's mine?"
Cas faltered, ill-prepared for the task of giving her a nickname. "Um." He was so adorable when he was confused. He looked up from the length of her body and cautiously gave his answer. "Plaid… shirt?" He looked like he was really wanting to play the game, but remained totally unsure of how.
A useless grin broke Alex's face. "I love it," she said honestly, pinching his chin between thumb and forefinger affectionately.
Cas was a little more intense in that moment than she was—his gaze strong and deep and serious, his voice firm and low. "I love you."
Sometimes when he said that, it would hit her all over again. She'd have a life-flashing-in-front-of-your-eyes moment with their love story. And well of course Alex had to kiss him when he said that and looked at her like he was. The kiss was a little more on the passionate side—probably inappropriately so, especially on Alex's end at first—she basically grabbed Cas and slammed her body up against his as all of her crazy emotions begged to be let out somehow. She must have really pushed him back, too, because after a couple of stumbling steps as he struggled to embrace the tempest she had become, his back hit a door and it wasn't shut all the way—they stumbled into a dim room full of shelves of files, but they were blind to their surroundings. Or Alex was, anyway. She was half-wild for a minute, wanting nothing more than to fuck him until he was a sobbing mess just like her. No sooner had she shoved at his coat than then they crashed into one of the shelves… but when the shelf slid smoothly sideways by a few inches, they broke apart, panting.
"What the… hell?" Alex muttered, squinting at the shelf that had just moved and probably shouldn't have. It looked like there was a hidden passage or something behind it.
"What is it?" Cas asked as she turned her attention to investigating.
Alex shoved at the shelf with a grunt, which slid sideways like a door on a running hinge. It creaked and from the draft of air that hit her face, she could tell there was more in the darkness beyond. "I think there's… a room behind this," she said, but she couldn't see a damn thing and didn't dare step into utter darkness without being able to see.
Stepping up to lead the way, Cas held his hand high and light blossomed out of his palm, illuminating what laid beyond. Alex gaped, her comment about how cool his flashlight hand was remaining unspoken as she took in what they had discovered: A large, barren room with no windows had been concealed by the heavy shelf. Chains and handcuffs lined the walls. "Whoa. Is this like… a dungeon?" Alex breathed, a little taken aback. For a minute, she did not follow Cas into the room. It reminded her too much of a prison cell. And of Hell.
Cas was looking at the floor underneath his feet, noticing what she hadn't. "This devil's trap takes up nearly the entire room," he said in soft awe.
Plucking up the courage to follow him, Alex did, but she felt uneasy. Cautiously, she drifted over to the nearest set of chains on the wall. Handcuffs dangled from the end, and when she squinted at them in the low light, she could see that the metal bore etchings. She looked closer and realized the etchings were spellwork. Demon traps. Dude. "Is this like some kind of… demonic torture chamber?" she asked in a stunned voice.
Beside her now, Castiel looked at the handcuffs too, mildly impressed as he picked one up and observed closer. His eyebrows rose slightly. "Demon ward spellwork… it's very clever."
Alex was suddenly unable to stop thinking of the possibilities she had never thought of before. If you could hold a demon in place with a ward, what else besides handcuffs could work? "Demon ward strait-jacket…" she muttered to herself, imagining Crowley red-faced and bellowing and stuck forever in the very unfashionable but appropriate confining garment.
Castiel looked at her sidelong, not following along. "…What?"
She was still off in her own little world. "Demon ward lasso…" She pictured Dean in a cowboy hat then made a face. "Okay that one's dumb," she said, dismissing herself. Looking around the small space, Alex let a soft, dark-natured little chuckle out. "Sam and Dean are gonna freak." She looked at Cas and cracked an impish little joke. "We have a dungeon. Now all we need is dragons."
Again, Cas was lost. "...Dragons?"
An unexpected wave of fatigue crashed over Alex from nowhere. "Uh… forget it." She sighed tiredly and put a hand to her stomach briefly. It was feeling weird again. "I'm tired," she said, privately wondering if something were wrong with her. She just didn't feel completely right. Maybe she was coming down with a virus or cold. "Let's go back to the library?"
By the time they retraced their steps and made it back to the library, Cas had offered to carry Alex three times and she had grumpily told him no and to stop asking. But when they finally made it and she plopped down into a chair at the long table, she thought maybe she should have taken him up on the offer. "I'm exhausted," she said, not even sure why. "From doing nothing."
Cas looked regretful a few steps off. "It's probably because of, um… the soul touch."
Oh yeah. That made sense. "I guess." She propped her elbows onto the table and sighed out like she'd just finished a marathon. At the angel's worried, hovering gaze and close proximity (and the thought that he was about to ask if she were all right again), Alex suddenly snapped. "I'm fine, Cas, would you stop that? God damn." She waved him away harshly, trying to deal with how worried she was about herself. What if something was seriously wrong? She felt off. Maybe it was the soul touch. Or Hell. Or learning about her future children. Or worries about Crowley and Naomi. Or her new, repaired body. Whatever it was, it was getting to her—irking and frustrating her—and she was lashing out at Castiel who of course had no idea how weird she felt. Guiltily, her eyes slunk to where he had dutifully drifted a few steps over to the closest bookshelf. The place where she had shooed him to. Those worried, hurt eyes were staring back at her. Embarrassed, Alex almost shut down and said nothing. But her heart welled up and she decided screw that. She got up and went over then hugged him hard, hoping he wouldn't shove her away or reject her. "Sorry," she whispered into his shoulder, so mortified at herself that her neck was flushing hot and her throat was squeezing tight. "I'm—I'm just really stressed out. I didn't mean to snap at you like that."
His arms were around her loosely. "It's all right," he said, but he sounded confused and hurt.
Alex shook her head and pulled back then stepped back and awkwardly held her arms against herself, appalled that she'd just done that. "No, it's not. I'm sorry." Seriously. What was wrong with her? Bitching at Cas like that and using that ugly tone?
"I was just… worried about you," he said plaintively, and the sad, childlike way he spoke in and the way he stood there with uncertain arms hanging at his sides was basically heartbreaking.
Alex nodded stiffly. "I know you were," she said, owner of a downcast gaze.
Castiel hesitated. "Sometimes I'm… I'm afraid you'll get tired of me," he admitted. Alex broke a little bit when he said that. "That you'll want me to leave." His eyes looked into hers and begged her to tell him she wouldn't. Maybe she had made him feel like that just now.
Alex shook her head no immediately. "Cas, I would never." She took him by the arms to emphasize how honest she was being. She tried to make him understand. "Sometimes I, I just need space or something," she fumbled, then shrugged helplessly. "Sometimes I just get mad for no reason. You know me." Her words felt like flimsy excuses.
Cas was chastened and cautious, earnest as they came. "I'll give you whatever you want and need," he promised. Poor guy was lost. Alex was the same. "I just don't always understand or know what you need."
"Me either," she said, humiliated at her little outburst. "I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings." She hugged him tight and her cheek pressed against his trench coat. In her chest, heart hammered hard. Relationships and feelings were such delicate things. "I'll never get tired of you. But I will be a jerk sometimes. Just kinda happens. Ask my brothers." She pulled back just a little, arms loosely around him still. He was clearly very worried that he had done the wrong thing. Vulnerable like that, his lips looked especially kissable. Alex swallowed and looked into Cas's blue eyes and touched his face softly, hoping he forgave her. "Let's just kiss and forget it?" she asked hopefully.
His face softened and regaining some confidence, Cas's mouth tugged upwards to one side. "You'll have no argument from me," he murmured huskily, then brushed some hair behind her ear and then gently let his mouth press to hers. So glad he was open to her even after getting emotionally slapped, Alex tried to show him with her kisses how much she really did love and need him. Suffice to say, the kiss became very passionate very quickly. Cas turned her a little, holding her with deep, slow care, sandwiching her between himself and the shelf of books as she inhaled him like she had been underwater for too long.
Cas broke the kiss and breathed against her mouth for a minute. Alex felt a slightly devilish little smile growing on her face as the bookshelf pressed into her back. She ran a finger down from the collar of his shirt to the center of his breastbone slowly, letting her mouth angle forward to brush against his. "You remember the first time you had me up against one of these?" she asked lowly, her voice flirting with strong suggestiveness.
Castiel's eyes darkened a shade and his voice lowered and grew more husky. "Yes, of course I do," he replied, eyes wandering her face as a sheepish, pleased smile grew on his lips. "I remember it very well." His hand skimmed the side of her face and his thumb rubbed briefly down across her mouth, thumb dragging on the fullness of her lower lip.
A blush of heat crept up her neck and she had to press a naughty, embarrassed smile away as snatches of that night flew through her mind: his hands wandering her body and finding new ways to touch, their moans intermingled echoing in the grand space, the moment of ultimate consummation they had shared. Alex felt herself getting even further flustered as she tried harder to keep her shit-eating smile at bay. "Christ, sometimes I still can't believe we… that uh—that that happened."
Very close and quietly intense, the angel in the trench coat was looking at her with eyes that said it all. "It's surreal, I agree. Everything that's ever happened between us blows my mind, to borrow the slang."
"That night at the Vatican... I wanted you very much," he murmured huskily before turning a shade coy. "And I think you felt the same." After they shared a goofy little knowing smile, Cas became a lot more intense. "And you're the same right now," he said, tone carrying the weight of seduction to it. "I recognize the signs of arousal." His fingers drifted over the pulse-point in her neck, a touch that was sensual. "Heightened pulse, dilated eyes…" he leaned in and kissed the side of her neck softly, making her laugh faintly and bite her lip.
"Don't be such a dork," she whined, eyes staying closed, hand twining in his hair. Cas was kissing an unhurried trail up her neck, making her sigh.
"You do know that dork is slang for penis, don't you?" he murmured.
Only Cas would say that kind of stuff while trying to get her hot and bothered. Alex's eyes opened as her face changed from aroused to amused. "Really, Cas?" she asked, staring up at the ceiling with a rueful grin.
His mouth dragged against her neck and he was oblivious to her slight exasperation. "Yes, I assure you it's true."
Well… that was Cas for you. Alex laughed, head back as he kept kissing her neck. She closed her eyes again. "Oh my god I love you, you huge nerd."
Cas finally seemed to get it and stopped, straightened, and looked at her in innocent puzzlement. "You're laughing at me."
Hands cupping his face, she touched her forehead to his. "Because you're so fucking adorable."
His face relaxed. "Thank you," he said, angling his face to hers and kissing her briefly even as her hands still held his face. "So are you."
If anyone else could see the ridiculous, mushy stuff they said and did with each other, the teasing would never stop. "We are seriously the world's most awkward couple," Alex said through a laugh.
Cas looked fascinated and unsure of what his reaction should be to her statement. "Why?"
She shrugged, rubbing her hands lightly back and forth over his scruffy jawline. "I dunno. Just a couple of stupid saps." She leaned in to kiss him again and as she did, her eyebrows moved in toward each other as a single, clear thought ran through her mind.
Cas seemed to feel the shift after a moment and he broke away from the kiss softly. "What is it?" He thought something was wrong. But it wasn't.
Holding him close, she shook her head and searched his gaze as she spoke in a whisper. "Just… I never thought I would really ever have anyone. Ever. And I thought if I did get someone, they would… I don't know. Never be as good as you are."
He grasped one of her hands in his and held it there between them closely—they stood waist-to-waist. For a moment, he was quiet, and then his expression clouded. "When I think of all we've been through and what we've faced… when I realize how many times I've come close to losing you…" the shadow of fear was in his eyes, and she understood why. His voice softened, his hold on her was tighter, he dropped her hand and held the back of her head instead. "I never want to let go of you."
Her hand clenched into his coat. "I know." She didn't want to say it and admit it, but she did anyway: "I'm scared this won't last. We always get ripped apart."
Castiel seemed to grow a little fiercer and bigger. His voice grew strong, even though it remained low. "Not this time," he promised intensely. "Not ever again." He took her hand off of his trench coat and kissed the knuckles in tenderness, then the back of her hand. His eyes drifted to her watching ones and then he kissed her hungrily, a hand on her face and the other circling her waist and pulling her close. He pressed himself against her softly, making a soft sighing moan escape her lips. It made him smile faintly. "I think you want more of what happened between us last night," he murmured against her mouth. A coy, naughty statement he followed by kissing her jawline and neck again with slow, warm lips.
Alex was a bit demure and flushed at the mention of that morning's lovemaking. "Oh?" she asked. A barrage of sensual images and sounds came into her mind—them, the sheets, and nothing else. "And what about you?"
Castiel was positively sexy as his mouth tugged up in a roguish smile she could feel against her skin. "Do you even need to ask?" he asked into her ear. Alex squirmed in erotic discomfort as his mouth closed over the lower part of her lobe. She made a soft, frustrated sound. Her impatience only made him chuckle, which made her even hotter than before. His sandpapery little chuckle was the most maddening, seductive thing. His mouth came back and swallowed hers in a deep kiss, his hands dove low to touch over her jeans, and she grabbed him, too, making him exhale a soft moan.
"Two can play this game," she murmured throatily, rubbing her palm over him in a way he obviously really liked. And then there was a loud slamming sound and the two of them immediately stopped as the mood evaporated.
That was the sound of the bunker door slamming shut. "I thought they would be gone for like six hours at least!" Alex exclaimed in a whisper, breathing hard and fast.
Cas was squinting at the wall. Maybe he could see through it. "It's not your brothers," he said. Then who the hell was it? Semi-forgetting Cas, Alex went into high alert. Hand already hovering at the back of her jeans where she had a hunting knife strapped, Alex moved stealthily to where she could see into the control room to see who was coming down the stairs. And he saw her the moment she saw him and stopped at the bottom of the metal staircase. Alex's hand fell away from the knife as her expression went slack.
"Well I'll be damned," Bobby Singer said softly, looking just as surprised to see her as she was to see him.
Nothing in the world could have stopped her from having the reaction she had next, which was to basically turn into a happy, excited, emotionally overwhelmed kid. "Bobby!"
She raced across the distance and barreled into him so hard they nearly fell over—Bobby caught what would have been a fall with a hand against stair railing. "Oof, well now don't break me!" he protested, but his arms went to clap tight around her and he managed to stay alive even though her clamping arms were probably making it hard to breathe. After a couple long beats, Alex pulled back in his arms to look him in the face. He appeared the same as always: leathered skin, graying beard, soft eyes, beat up old ballcap, face she loved so much. She really thought she would never see him again, and here he was. Bobby seemed to be having a similarly shocked moment as he looked her over. "My god. Wouldya look at you," he murmured, that familiar molasses voice and drawl making Alex smile through the glinting tears in her eyes. "Pretty as ever. But I just don't know whether to kiss ya or kick ya right now."
Alex grinned and laughed and hugged him again. "The first one." Her nose was in the flannel of his shirt and he smelled like Bobby. Mothballs and whiskey and the faintest scent of car oil.
Bobby took her shoulders and set her slightly away from him, holding her there the entire time. He had his face on that meant it was time for a serious discussion. "Now look. I'm tickled pink to see ya but Alexandra Winchester, you better explain yourself right now to me." He sounded sort of upset and parental. "A damn soul deal? What were you thinkin'?" Alex's smile faded. She had forgotten that her brothers had jumped to the conclusion that her soul deal had been for Bobby's life only. She guess it didn't really matter. Bobby was obviously distressed over the fact. "What was goin' through that mind'a yours?" he asked. "You crack your grapefruit or somethin'?"
Alex gave him a courageous, sad little smile. "I wouldn't need to hit my head to wanna bring you back, Bobby." His expression shifted—he was touched. Alex shook her head and tried to sidestep all that soul deal junk. "It's just good to see you again." She turned to humor in an attempt to gloss over things. "I mean come on. I was just doing my part. You weren't really done gracing this planet with all that sass and flannel of yours, were you?"
Bobby was hesitant. "Can't say I was but… criminy, the cost'a getting me topside again…"
Alex shook her head firmly and took on an assertive tone. "Is paid." She drew her mouth in a thin line and breathed out hard. "And I'm in favor of never talking about it again."
Bobby looked pensive and conflicted. "Fair enough, I guess," he muttered, respecting her wishes. With a sigh, he shook his head. "Sweetheart, I can't ever thank you enough for…" he spread his hands and indicated himself meekly. "What you did for me." He searched her face and eyes. "Breaks my heart a little bit though."
In time, she would explain it all—how deep the soul deal really went. But for now, Alex just let it be. "You were worth it," she insisted even though her eyes were flooding as she thought of Hell and despair and thinking she would never see the light of day ever again. But here she was, and Bobby was alive. Sam was alive. So was Dad. So was she. And even though it had been a nightmare, she wouldn't ever choose to do it any other way. Because look who was here now. "It was all worth it." Just thank god it was over. Thank god. The weight of it all had her very emotional. And Bobby, who was usually as touchy-feely as a cactus, had tears in his eyes too.
He pulled her close and patted her back and kissed the side of her head then pulled away, struggling to keep himself together and not be improperly emotional. "Now look at us, a damn couple'a leaky faucets," he complained, looking at her in put-on sternness that honestly made her smile despite the tears. "Can't be goin' soft, now." He cleared his throat and adjusted his cap then crossed his arms, turning himself to business. "The boys told me about your dad. Innt that somethin'?"
Alex nodded and got herself together, too. "Yeah. He's just around a couple corners and down a hall." The most surreal thought there was.
Bobby followed the glance she'd given to indicate which direction. "He woke up yet?"
Alex flattened her lips briefly. "No. Don't know if he will. Waiting game."
A soft little rueful smile crossed Bobby's face as he eyed his girl fondly. "And we all know how much you love waitin' around." The two exchanged a brief smile. So maybe patience wasn't always her strong suit. Bobby smiled at her a second longer then looked back further into the room as something caught his eye. Alex turned to see that Cas was waiting at the edge of the room, giving them space until he was summoned. "Cas…" Bobby greeted cautiously, looking at Alex briefly for a cue. He seemed mildly surprised to see the angel there. Castiel made his way over under Bobby's uncertain eye. "It's been awhile. You uh—you your original make and model again?"
Cas appeared sheepish at that question. "Yes. I'm… my original make and model." Appearing marginally satisfied, Bobby stuck his hand out for a tentative shake. Cas accepted the gesture, encouraged by it. "It's good to see you again, Bobby."
"Uh huh," Bobby said, then pulled Cas's hand closer for inspection. He peered at the wedding band on Cas's left ring finger and glanced at Alex before looking at Cas inscrutably and letting go. "Looks like we'll be seeing a lot more of each other, huh?" he asked, sending his intent gaze to Alex. "Everything's square with you two then?"
Alex was slightly uncomfortable because it was hard not to feel a little judged for staying with Castiel even after all that had transpired. She nodded once. "Yup."
But Bobby accepted that as her answer and apparently needed nothing more. He was simple like that. Not one to pry. "'Nuff said." He studied Cas with keen eyes. "Got my eye on you, though," he said, then acknowledged that there were two sides to the story. "Though to be fair, raisin' this one outta Hell and all the rest of the Winchester brood sorta makes up for some of it. Maybe." He turned his gaze to Alex and dropped the subject, mercifully leaving it behind. "Well, you'll never guess what I picked up on the way in."
Alex saw a prime opportunity for some teasing. "An AARP membership?"
"Hardy har har," Bobby commented glibly, sending her a disgruntled glance. "A Winnebago."
Alex made a face. "As in an RV?" she asked. "What for? You planning on doing some traveling?"
Bobby shrugged. "Well, old place bit the dust." He glanced around the bunker briefly. "This place… it's nice but it ain't all me. Too shiny and computer-y and I don't like those damn high ceilings. They're just too far away." He sounded like the grumpy old man that he was and it made Alex smile despite herself. Bobby jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "I still got a few little libraries buried out there I gotta recover. So I figure why not take my show on the road? See what I can see. Find jobs on the ground the old fashioned way." He shrugged and stuck his hands into his pockets. "Hell, it's somethin' new if nothin' else. I got a new lease on life. May as well use it, right?" He paused and pulled a bit of a face. "Also… heard Garth took over my song and dance and let's be honest… kid's not exactly ready to be president of his own butt, let alone run the hunter network."
Alex poked the bottom side of Bobby's ballcap upward, setting his hat off kilter—something she'd done since being little. "I don't think anyone but you will ever be quite right for head honcho of the hunter game, Bobby." She grinned as he adjusted his cap to sit snug on his head again. "Okay, let's see this Winnebago of yours."
Bobby took Cas and Alex topside to show them his new RV. It was a boxy vintage beast with white siding and a mustard yellow W and stripes on the side. It was beat up, worn-in, and somehow perfect for Bobby… down to the shag carpeting and 70s all-wood paneling interior. He told them his plans of how to build shelving on one side and rip out the seats from that side and put new ones. All in all, even though at first Alex felt like it was an odd move for her uncle, she left feeling like it was actually kind of perfect for him.
The three of them settled into the library and Bobby set to work on some research for a case he was long-distance helping an old pal on. Alex found the cheap little cell phones Dean had bought earlier while out for groceries and sat Cas down, showing him how to set his up with the little minutes card Dean had also purchased. After they were set up and functional, Alex sent a test text to Castiel, the contents of which were so naughty that Cas turned slightly red and then gawked at her as she stood up breezily and announced that she was going to be back in a few minutes. She sauntered out of the room, knowing Cas was watching her the entire time, then waited for him halfway down the hallway. When he got there, they barely made it to the privacy of their room.
Roughly forty minutes later, they reemerged from the room dressed the same but with messed up hair and glowing, reddened skin. Bobby took one look at them and rolled his eyes, then called them 'idjit lovebirds.' That's when Alex wandered to the kitchen because she was yet again famished and craving something. But what she was craving, she wasn't entirely sure of. After scouring the pantry and refrigerator and finding nothing that seemed to fit what her tastebuds wanted, she got upset. Every food item she had wanted earlier now looked appalling. She turned around and made a sound of despair.
"Cas, I just really really want some sour candy straws and macaroni and cheese," she complained. She gestured angrily at where she'd just been. "And there's nothing in this fucking pantry…!"
Castiel peered past her. There were things in the pantry and they both knew it. "But Dean got everything you asked for…" he said hesitantly. "And I see several food items in the pantry…"
Petulant, Alex groaned. "I knowwww, but now I really want something different. None of this looks good. I'm not feeling it anymore. And that jerky makes me wanna fucking puke just looking at it." She turned her head away from that disgusting bag of dried meat, wanting to hurl at the mere thought of the leathery texture and dog-food taste. She grabbed Cas's hands tight. "Let's go get something."
Cas was hesitant. "I don't know about leaving the bunker…"
Alex put on the best puppy eyes she had. "Ple-eeease?"
The puppy eyes were working. Cas was obviously very susceptible to them, but he tried valiantly to be reasonable. "Dean's right. It might not be safe out there for you…"
But mac and cheese. Alex practically pouted, letting her expression beg him. "Cas…"
He caved in, however uncertainly. "Well, I suppose if we're quick…"
Grinning, envisioning sour straws of all colors as well as macaroni and cheese up to her eyeballs, Alex nodded rapid agreement. "We'll be super quick," she promised. "Flash Gordon quick."
Cas's eyes squinted up. "…Who?"
Alex went up on tiptoes and kissed the tip of his nose and then gave him a playfully lecturing look. "I love you, but we have got to watch more TV."