Song Remains the Same

Chapter 127 / The Scribe

"We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us."
- Ken Levine

Inside of your run-of-the-mill Gas n' Sip convenience store, an angel and a human woman wandered the candy and junk food aisle. This particular aisle was Alex's favorite and always had been. All of the bright plastic wrappers and all the promises of salty, sweet goodness contained inside… it was enough to make a very hungry girl's mouth water. With Castiel in tow, she made her way up the aisle with great intent, tossing everything that looked good (which was quite a few things) into the little basket she had handed over to the angel when they'd first arrived.

This was supposed to be a quick trip and then straight back to the bunker. No dilly-dallying. Just candy and snacks and, ooh! Doritos! Alex tossed a bag of those into the basket, barely cognizant of Cas at the moment. He drifted after her, at first gazing with great curiosity at the items lining the aisle, then frowning in fascination at whatever thing she launched into the little basket he held. Every new item intrigued him more than the last. Another bag flew into the basket and he squinted at it and then fished it out, studying it in great intensity. "Pickle flavored potato chips," he muttered, reading from the label. He looked at Alex with adorable puzzlement. "I don't understand this food item."

Alex was in good spirits at the thought of everything she was going to get to eat soon. "What's there to understand?" she retorted cheekily, hunting the shelves with keen eyes. "They're really good. Almost as good as…" she tossed another bag she plucked up at him, "salt and vinegar."

Cas shifted the full basket around. "There isn't much room left in here…" he ventured, eyes scanning the contents then flickering up to his apparently ravenous wife. "Surely this is enough...?"

He got a raised eyebrow and a little coy smile. "Have you ever seen me eat?" Alex countered. Yeah, sometimes she pecked at food like a bird, but there were times she'd out-eaten Sam and Dean both—this felt like it was gonna be one of those times.

"I've seen you eat many times, of course," Cas replied easily, a reminiscent and soft smile on his face as he gazed at her fondly. He was obviously thinking about when he'd been her guardian angel—and it sparked a sudden wash of warmth in Alex's chest.

Forgetting snacks, and cravings and everything else, Alex grabbed Cas by the face and kissed him impulsively, grinning at the surprised (but definitely agreeable) look on his face when she pulled back. She straightened his coat by the lapels, an excuse to keep her hands on him, and their eyes did the talking for a few seconds as his free hand came up to gently rest on then grasp one of hers. And then they both became aware of the stares. Alex glanced around, finding an older lady's severe side eye and a middle aged man's sullen scowl. Apparently, two people in love and sharing a moment was upsetting to the general public.

Alex cleared her throat and let go of Cas, who didn't totally get it—he had very little understanding of or care about social cues and the only ones he ever truly seemed to pay attention to anyway were ones from the Winchesters. "So uh, we, we need beer while we're here," Alex said, feeling the eyes of the judgy people on her. "And toilet paper too probably…" she trailed off. She needed to get some necessities and she had gotten enough snacks to last the century… but, she hadn't found the candy she really wanted yet and, ugh, she really wanted it…

Grudgingly, she looked at the shelves again, trying to locate the familiar neon colored packaging and the wacky font that would announce Sour Punch Straws. Where were those bastards? As she eyed the shelf reluctantly and told herself that she really needed to go ahead and go get real things for the bunker, Cas perked up. "I can get the toilet paper and beer," he offered hopefully, seizing the chance to do something helpful. "I even know what they look like." When Alex looked at him in faint surprised amusement, he reigned his gusto back on. "I only mean… I would like to try, if that's all right."

A smile spread on Alex's face. Even though he had the ability to flatten a building or kill someone with little more than a thought, Cas reminded her of a kid who was determined to start doing things for themselves in order to prove themselves. "Have at it," she said, then alternated between stealing glances at him and trying to find the damn sour straw candy.

Cas wandered the store cluelessly, but Alex didn't call to him and point out where the toilet paper would be. This was some kind of rite of passage, maybe—finding his own way in the world was important, even in something small like locating something in a store. It was essential that he could stand on his own, she knew that… however, she would hopefully always be nearby to help him if he got into trouble (or simply could not find the toilet paper). It was kind of precious to see him stop and frown at things and explore the small convenience store. He didn't hide his confusion or his interest in all the items and displays, and that was kind of refreshing. Alex had always tried to act like she knew exactly what she was doing even when she didn't even have a clue—it was a defense mechanism. But Cas wasn't really like that. He was just himself.

Castiel stopped and stared at the little hot-dog station where a bunch of greasy frankfurters turned endlessly on a rolling bed of metal cylinders. Slowly, he lowered his face to their waist-height level, watching with a thoroughly wrinkled grimace of curious near-disgust on his face, then of all things he reached out and poked one with his finger, testing its texture. Alex's eyes widened and she immediately looked around to see if anyone else saw. As luck would have it, Snooty Lady saw it and was appalled. And then even more so when Cas sniffed his suddenly-greasy finger with a deep frown. Okay—now it was just hilarious. Screw the lady and her attitude… Alex made eye contact with Cas and stuck her own finger into her mouth, indicating he do the same. That was, in her experience, the best way to get food off your finger. Cas hesitated, then did what she had indicated, then his eyebrows rose faintly when he tasted what he'd touched. Alex couldn't blame him—a greasy hot dog did sound sorta amazing at the moment. Smiling at him dreamily over the shelf, Alex expelled a long, content breath. Honestly it was kind of inappropriate to be poking gas station hot dogs, but you know what? Watching Cas learn about her world would always be something she loved.

And then, the moment was disturbed. The gas station employee, a young acne-riddled kid, called over from the checkout counter where the appalled lady was obviously complaining. "Dude!" His voice broke, giving away how young he was. "Don't poke my hot dogs!"

Cas realized he'd done something wrong but didn't seem to understand entirely what. Still, he apologized stiltedly. "Uh… sorry." He glanced at Alex for a cue and she just gave him a small encouraging smile and he returned to wandering. In the following moments, he knocked an energy-bar display over, opened a carton of eggs and broke one, left the refrigerator door open, set his basket down in the middle of an aisle where it was in the way… causing small disaster after small disaster, and Alex let him because it was so freaking hilarious and endearing… and the little employee running around the store getting flustered and exclaiming "dude!" over and over only added to the hilarity. Huffy lady left the store in a tizzy, dragging side-eye dude with her, just in time to miss when Cas finally found the toilet paper. Alex had drifted over to him after giving up on her quest for the sour candy she'd wanted.

Cas was holding two different kinds of toilet paper and trying to decide which to purchase. He looked like he held the fate of the world in his hands. Then he looked at Alex with great trepidation. "…Which kind is better?" he asked in grave seriousness.

She had to stifle a laugh. Shopping for toilet paper had never been so aww-inducing. Alex plucked the Charmin paper out of his hand and reshelved it. "The cheaper one," she said authoritatively. "Always the cheaper one."

His eyes crimped slightly. "Always the cheaper one," he repeated studiously, then gave a satisfied sigh. He then squinted over at the refrigerators full of beer, mind on his next task. "I'll get the beer now."

Alex watched as he went to stand in front of the clear glass display and carefully contemplate the many types of beers. Alex was just realizing that her advice about the cheaper ones were going to backfire when Cas made his selection. Alex had to hurry over at that point. "Red Stripe, Cas?" she asked, clearly implying wrong choice.

Cas looked like a deer caught in the headlights, the six pack hovering halfway out of the refrigerator in his hand. "You… said always the cheaper one," he reasoned uncertainly.

Alex nudged the Red Stripe pack back at the cooler, indicating that he return it to the shelf. "With toilet paper. Not with beer." She stood beside Cas and pointed out everyone's favorites one by one. "Dean's a Del Sol or a Sam Adams man. I like Killian's Irish Red if I have a choice. Sam's picky and likes Guinness or anything dark, but he'll usually drink whatever Dean gets, oh, except he hates Budweiser… won't touch it." Cas looked positively harrowed and overwhelmed by the information, and Alex softened then touched his shoulder. "It's okay." She squeezed and gave him an encouraging smile. "You'll learn." She pulled out a six-pack of Del Sol.

Vaguely comforted, Cas nodded and let out a tense breath then looked around the store in slight anxiety. He spotted something and got really intense then looked at Alex very apprehensively. "Should… we get Dean a pornographic magazine?" He gestured at the rack of them that was nearby. "I know he likes them." Cas looked through the selection in utter seriousness then pulled one out and held it up for Alex to see. He looked so serious about it. "Busty Asian Beauties. I think this one is his favorite."

There was a weirdly doubtful amused expression frozen on Alex's face. Duh. That would be a yes. How many issues of that damn magazine had Dean bought and… done things with… over the years? Hard to tell but he never got tired of it, apparently. However, Alex did have to point something out: "He's mourning his girlfriend, I don't know if the timing of a porn mag would be exactly the best."

Cas realized she was right with a start. "You're right."

Alex crossed her arms and gave Cas a slightly challenging, playful look, keeping things light and impish. "But you could buy one for yourself..."

Cas's eyes snapped to hers in surprise and she hid her trolling smile. "Uh… I don't…" he began, then looked at the rack with new eyes in slight aversion. "Truthfully I'd much rather look at your naked body than this publication."

The gas station employee picked that moment to drift by and he definitely caught what Cas said. Alex felt that kid's shocked stare and she pressed her mouth into a line of a smile. "Thanks Cas." She cleared her throat and threw in a term of endearment for effect. "Honey." Chortling softly, Alex grabbed a bag of Doritos from the basket he had in one hand, ripped the bag open, and popped a chip into her mouth. She seriously couldn't wait any longer.

"Hey, don't eat that, you haven't paid!" the employee protested, lurking nearby and watching them pointedly even though he was trying to be discreet. He gestured at Cas in flustered awkwardness. "And, come on, you're not supposed to look at the porn in the store, man!" His high pitched, wavery teen voice was grating.

"Take a chill pill, will you?" Alex asked through a mouthful of chips, already cramming another one in there. "I'll pay. Well, he'll pay." Cas had the money in his pockets because she didn't have a new wallet yet. "Hey, by the way, where are the sour punch straws? I couldn't find them and I need them."

The employee stared at her as she fished another chip out and continued to eat loudly. Cas looked apologetic. "I do have money. I assure you, you'll be paid," he told the teenager. "Now where are these sour straw devices my wife is talking about?" My wife. She melted a little when he called her that. With too much seriousness, Cas leveled the employee with a very beseeching look. "It's very important that she have them."

Shifty eyed, clearly suspicious of them, the employee whose name tag read 'Chris' was guarded. "I have sourpatch kids, but not sour punch straws… we don't carry 'em anymore."

Alex felt a certain sense of dismay. "What?" she asked, because that was ridiculous. They had always stocked that candy since she'd been little! "You don't have them at all?" It was like losing her best friend. "Why?"

Chris was trying to back away slowly. "Um…"

Castiel decided to escalate things a little quicker than necessary at that point, reaching forward and grabbing the teenager by the collar of his shirt and yanking him forward. "Where are they?" he demanded loudly.

Wide-eyed, Chris struggled in vain against Cas's grip. "Dude, w-we don't have them!" he insisted in a quickly-rising pitch.

"Cas, whoa—you don't need to give this kid the shakedown!" Alex admonished, both aghast and a little turned on by the very brutish move. Cas looked at her sidelong, puzzled. He didn't let go of Chris.

And then there was a new voice: a mellow, tenor, distinctly nasal male voice. "Listen to your wife, Castiel, and put the virgin down." In unison, Alex and Cas looked behind themselves to see a very short, average looking man. He wore unremarkable clothes, had wild wispy hair above a receding hairline, and a plain, forgettable face. "We need to talk," he said firmly, and the grave look on his face conveyed utter seriousness.

He was a stranger and Alex put herself in front of Cas by instinct. "Who the hell are you?" she demanded, practically bristling.

No sooner had the last word left her mouth than Cas moved her aside, speaking to her quickly in a low voice as he put himself in front of her. "I'll handle this." He gave the stranger a hard look and then repeated Alex's demand word-for-word in a gruff voice: "Who the hell are you?"

The man paused, glanced between the two of them, then inclined his head just slightly and allowed the hint of a coy smile. "Metatron."

Cas and Alex's faces softened. They had both heard of this angel from Sam and Dean.

Chris, who was nearby and panicking slightly at the odd things transpiring in his gas station, backed up slowly. "Y—you people need to get out of my store," he fumbled. "Just take it all and leave, just go!"

Metatron smiled pleasantly at Chris. "Excellent." He nodded toward the door with a breeziness and assertiveness that was strange given his squirrelly appearance. "I believe that's our cue. Now, if you'll walk with me…" he gave no other option and exited the store, leaving Cas and Alex to silently exchange a glance then quickly follow after.

It was a slightly funny sight—a short little man treading down the sidewalk at a quick pace followed by a couple who were hurrying after and trying to carry a pack of toilet paper, a handheld shopping basket, and a six-pack of beers. Metatron, even though he had a smaller stride than them, was walking so fast that they had to jog a little to catch up.

"Hey, slow down!" Alex complained, shifting the toilet paper pack under her arm.

He did, just enough so that they could catch up to him. "You're Metatron?" Cas asked even as the supposed-scribe kept walking. "The Metatron?"

This stopped Metatron and he turned to hold a correcting hand out. "In public, it's Marv," he said, glancing around furtively like he was afraid of being watched.

Cas frowned slightly. "Marv."

"Yes. And you're Castiel and you're Alex Winchester," he said, voice carrying a note of interest and intrigue—his eyes flickered over both of them with rapt interest. "Kevin Tran told me about you. Both of you." He abruptly smiled and breathed in deep, like he was invigorated. "Such a marvelous, romantic story—well, what he knew about it, anyway." His smile was distinctly wolfish as it spread further across his face. "I'd love if you could fill me in on the juicy details sometime," he said, appearing to be nearly drooling for just that. "I'm sure it's full of twists and turns and drama and high stakes."

Who was this guy? Alex was not amused. "Uh, how about no, 'Marv'?" she asked in a voice that promised ass kicking. "We're not going with you any further until you tell us what you want." She gave him a challenging look at sent Cas a quick, rallying glance.

Metatron looked at her and his face softened and grew overly emotional. "Aww, gosh…" he grinned over at Castiel like he was just so deeply touched. "She's protective of you! Isn't that endearing? She's virtually powerless next to you and I both, yet she wants to protect you. Delightful! Simply adorable!" His enthusiasm and word choices were skeeving Alex out—Cas looked highly suspicious too and Metatron saw that he was not going to find the reactions he'd hoped for. He sighed and gave up on trying to be overly friendly. "Hmm, well, to sum it all up—the reason why I'm here I mean—I guess I just wanted to socialize a little bit with an angel who's like me." He looked at Castiel with pensive eyes.

Cas was cautious. "And we're alike how?"

"Free thinkers," Metatron explained heavily, indicating that it couldn't possibly be any other way. "Innovators. Rebels, if you will; some might even say outsiders. Both on Heaven's most wanted list and both severely undervalued." He smiled, ditching his more grave expression. "I don't like conversations on an empty stomach. How about we grab a bite, huh? Your human wife can come, too!"

Castiel was confused by the terminology. "I'm sorry—what? A bite?"

"To eat," Metatron explained pleasantly, then slipped a smile at Alex. "Trust me. She likes that idea."

Alex bristled yet again because he hit the nail right on the head. "No I don't," she lied, even though all she wanted to do was eat. Metatron chuckled and sighed out a long, knowing sound as he smiled at her like something was amusing to him. Even more cranky than before, Alex practically glared. "What's so funny?"

He gave her a playful look, enjoying her frustration it would seem. "I guess you haven't figured it out yet," he said with a brief wink, then eyed Cas. "But come on. Castiel! You know, right?" He looked at the other angel expectantly. Castiel looked clueless and Metatron deflated. He said the next part to the sky and Cas alike. "Oh come on! You're killing me!"

Cas and Alex exchanged a look, pretty sure this guy was off his rocker. "Figured… what out?" Castiel asked, face wrinkled up in total confusion. "How am I killing you?"

Metatron sighed and clucked, shaking his head in chagrin. "I thought I'd been on earth too long, but maybe you have."

Bemused, Cas let his eyes narrow even more. "What do you mean?"

Metatron shrugged while pulling a face. "You know what they say about how 'if it was a snake it'd bite ya'?" he asked, then only got a more confounded look from the other angel. "No?" he asked, then sighed wearily and waved a dismissing hand, apparently over the entire thing. "Never mind, you'll figure it out eventually," he said then promptly moved on to other matters. "Look, Castiel. I've been on sabbatical. I'm trying to play catch-up, but I have to talk to somebody about what's going on back home."

Cas hesitated, voice softening and holding a hint of caution. "And by home, you mean Heaven."

"Right," Metatron confirmed. "I've been looking around, crawling through a few divine nooks and crannies, and from what I can see, without the archangels, it's a mess up there. Open warfare."

Taken mildly aback, Cas's mouth parted open. "…Open warfare?" he repeated. "…I thought Naomi was running things now."

Metatron was dead serious. "One, is that what you'd want? Is that what she told you? And two, haven't you seen it yourself? I mean, Naomi's a player—don't get me wrong—but just one of many. There are factions upon factions, all fighting, betraying each other, trying to grapple for the big seat of power." His tone softened and became more cautious. "It's just a matter of time before they start ripping each other apart. It's all broken. Very dangerous. Just a matter of time before all that dissent starts trickling down here to the earth folk…" his eyes slid to Alex, silently indicating that she would be endangered by what he was talking about.

Disturbed as he was at the news, Cas shook his head and spoke firmly. "I want no part of it."

Metatron's reply was quick. "Well of course not; who would?" He hesitated and then spoke carefully. "But… word on the street is you might have been the one who broke the entire system, buddy. So the more unfriendly angels? They uh… they might be looking for revenge or looking to eliminate the threat you represent before you start to fight back." What he was saying made sense. Metatron shrugged, appearing humble and resigned. "And then the more reasonable halos, the ones who won't go all revenge-obsessed, well, they need someone to come to the rescue and save them from the calamity." He gazed at Cas in compassionate resignation. "They need us."

There was a terrible, short silence. "Us?" Cas repeated in quiet dread. "You and me specifically?"

"Yeah," Metatron replied enthusiastically, pitching it like he was a salesman. "Just—just picture it. We put our heads together, ride to the rescue, save the day, clean up the mess, set things right—make a great story in the process. We're a winning duo, you gotta admit! I mean, you've got experience and street smarts, I've got lots of information straight from the big guy himself. We could really do some good stuff up there." Seeing the very uncertain and even upset look passing between Alex and Cas, Metatron tried again. "Look, the angels are like a big, dysfunctional family," he said urgently. "We need to lock them all in a room until we work these problems out—all the factions, you and me Castiel. If we don't get drastic, trust me. It's gonna get bad and soon down here. You have vested interests down here to say the least." He looked at Cas and Alex significantly. "A family to protect." He studied them for a moment somberly. "So I don't see another way. We have to keep the humans safe." He paused, and then let the bombshell fly. "We have to shut down Heaven."

A stunned silence resounded before Alex piped up. "Shut it down?" she asked. "How? What does that even mean?"

Metatron gave her a knowing look and obliging smile like they were best friends and he adored her. Again, it had a creepy effect. "Do you like crepes? I bet you like crepes. Light, airy, buttery, sweet, sprinkled with blankets of powdered sugar…" he trailed off, seeing the effect his word choices had on her. He wiggled his eyebrows. "Sounds good, huh? Really makes your mouth water."

She swallowed because she was the owner of a mouth that was watering badly. "No it doesn't…" she denied stiffly.

Metatron chuckled. "Eugenie's in Ojai makes the greatest caramel apple crepes," he said, then grinned. "Meet me there, mmkay?" And then without anything further, he disappeared out of thin air.

"Metatr—Marv!" Cas exclaimed, exasperated. He let out a heavy breath and then looked at Alex in clouded distress.

"I need some of those crepes," Alex muttered, unable to stop thinking about caramel. She shook her head and made a frustrated sound. Enough with the food shit. "Also, what the hell, shut Heaven down?! That's not possible… is it?" She looked at Cas for reinforcement. "Is he crazy?"

He had his face drawn tightly. "Maybe not."

Something about the tone of his voice had Alex forgetting everything and focusing on him. Trying to see into him and what he was thinking. "Hey." She touched the side of his arm. He still held the basket of food in one hand and the six-pack of beer in the other. He looked crestfallen and guilty. "You okay, Cas?"

Head down, gaze down, he didn't look okay. "I just… I don't know if I can ever escape the consequences of what I did," he admitted softly. "All of these problems can be traced back to me. Metatron's right. I changed everything. I broke the system."

Alex shook her head. "We changed everything. And it was a shitty system, remember?" He glanced into her eyes doubtfully and she persisted. "The apocalypse? Not one person did all that. You're not the only one to blame, if you are to blame at all." She reminded him of something very important. "Knocking Michael off the board was probably what started all that mess up there."

Cas nodded slightly, but it was clear to see that he wasn't alleviated from much blame if any. "That may be true, but I led the first angel-against-angel war against Raphael. I'm the one who killed the last archangel and threw the host into confusion. I left Heaven a leaderless mess." When he put it like that, Alex did have to admit… maybe he was right. But was it really that bad? Did Heaven need a leader? Maybe the chaos in Heaven was bound to have happened eventually, anyway. It was impossible to know. Cas looked up at her with guilty eyes. "I started this, Alex. I did." He sighed and his eyes went skyward, scanning the unremarkable sky above. "Metatron is right. It is so dangerous for things to continue as they are. I fear another war up there will tear the universe apart at the seams…"

Alex could find nothing to say. When Cas looked back at her with a tense expression, she didn't know what to do. And then suddenly, they were no longer on the side of a street—they were in the bunker kitchen, and Cas was setting down the items he carried even as Alex reeled from the abrupt change. "Maybe this is what I need to do so that it all stops," Cas said somberly, staring at the basket of snacks and junk food and possibly forgetting that Alex wasn't accustomed to just porting around places without notification. "I can't decide if the angels fight each other or not—and I won't be part of the negotiations that they hold in setting up a new system." He turned to look at Alex, who clutched the toilet paper package to herself almost like a comfort object at that point. "But I do know that angels can't come after us or hurt other humans if Heaven is boarded up."

Alex was too upset to respond well—she already felt like Cas had made his mind up. All she heard was Cas leaving again. "Yeah but… we don't know this Metatron guy," she hedged. "He could be lying. He could be making all this shit up."

Cas nodded once grimly. "I know that, but Sam said he knew the third trial for the demon tablet." Uncomfortable, Alex's every instinct protested. "And Metatron is the scribe…" he reasoned.

Out of things to say or how to feel, Alex dug around in the bottom of the proverbial barrel. "So… you really think we can trust him? Even though you don't even know him?"

Castiel was measured and seemed very wise in that moment to her. "I don't know if we can trust him," he said, then said something very striking indeed. "I don't think we can trust anyone but each other when all is said and done." Alex's grudging gaze shot up to look into his. She heard what he was saying and already knew he wanted to do this on his own. "I'll go to this… crepe… place," he said. "And see what else I can discover about Metatron and this proposition to close Heaven." Alex just clenched her jaw and looked down, too tired and weary and done with this same old song and dance to summon any reaction except depression. They would always be separated. Something would always come between them. Every time he left, it felt like she would never see him again. "I want you to stay here where it's safe," he said quietly, looking at her hopefully despite the unwilling expression on her face. Safe was an illusion and a word she despised. Cas looked around, seeing things she didn't. "Your brothers are close. Go find them."

Alex struggled not to look as pissed or as hurt as she felt. Her emotions felt like a tiny piece of butter scraped across a colossal piece of toast. "Yeah, fine," she said carelessly, sending a sullen look at the snacks they had gotten. None of it looked good anymore. In fact, she felt a little queasy. Like she might barf.

Cas was obviously aware to some extent that she was unhappy, but he tried to make the best of it. "I'll be back soon," he said gently, touching her shoulder in a way that would usually have her melting into him.

But she was stiff and unresponsive. "You always say that," she muttered, looking at the floor. It was nearly an accusation.

He looked slightly hurt. "I mean it."

Alex shook her head, not of the heart to do this right now. "Just go, Cas," she said, turning around and trying to hide herself from him.

Surprising her, he caught her by the arm in a strong but gentle hand and his gaze was the same when she looked up into his face in surprise. "I will always be back," he said, and it was in a trembling but strong voice. His other hand came up to hold her face in a way that conveyed fierce, undying things. His grip was strong, but his thumb gently brushed her skin and then his other fingers relaxed. He understood her in that moment, and she felt that in a way that transcended explanation. It broke through to her immediately, bridging the gap. "Always," he repeated in a hushed, close tone. Their eyes remained locked for a few scant seconds. She wanted to beg to go with him, but somehow, she understood that this was something he had to do on his own to get real closure. Still, she hated it and felt like she was being sidelined. That, and the fear of losing him was unshakable.

"Promise," she whispered intensely, emotions just underneath the surface. His promise would be her anchor.

"On my life," he promised, his whisper matching hers.

And then Alex lost whatever pride she'd had and her lips rushed to his for a kiss. The way he kissed and held her promised things unbreakable and as such, her raveled emotions relaxed, her petrified fears calmed, her stormy heart grew more peaceful. When the kiss ended, her hands were on either side of his face and she felt much calmer and centered. "I'll be here waiting," she whispered, then went onto tiptoes and pulled him down slightly to kiss his forehead hard and long with eyes that were squeezed closed. She had to stop being afraid that every time he left they would be irrevocably torn apart. They couldn't just glue themselves together for the rest of their lives. It couldn't work like that. She knew that.

They came apart and her hands found his as their gazes held. This was the goodbye—and they weren't good at this even though they'd had a lot of practice. He gave her a small smile that seemed bittersweet and a touch apprehensive—he shared her fear and she knew it without having to ask him or get confirmation. She forced a brave little smile back and squeezed his hands. He squeezed back… then kissed her once more, whispered that he loved her, let go and then disappeared.

There was a jolt in the vicinity of Alex's stomach or heart when he vanished, she wasn't sure which. It was a sudden rush of fear. She expelled a shaky breath and told herself that he would be back soon—that he would always be back—and that she would always be waiting for him when he did leave. Her hand absently brushed to her turning stomach and rested there as she stood still and worried for a long moment. And then she made herself stop. Worrying would change nothing. She could hear her brothers somewhere nearby, their muffled voices low and conversational. That was a comforting sound she'd grown up with and would never take for granted ever again. Her heart pulled strongly with a sudden and overwhelming urge to see them—Sam and Dean, her rocks and her family, her heroes and protectors. After plucking out a few choice items from the basket of things she and Cas had gotten, Alex followed the sounds of their voices until she found them.