Song Remains the Same

Chapter 132 / Great Expectations

"When nightmares come, keep you awake.
Well close your eyes, I'll take the weight."
- Foy Vance

Alex breathed out softly, her exhale being the only sound in the world for that brief moment. Her head hurt, her stomach hurt. Her body felt strange to her in that moment.

She was incredibly tired.

From being dragged back to Earth from Hell just days ago.

From not sleeping thanks to the nightmares of darkness, fire, and eternal damnation.

From everything surrounding their efforts to complete the trials from the demon tablet.

From the current fiasco of Cas's work to close Heaven with Metatron's help.

From Crowley's latest round of bullshit.

She breathed in again, steadying herself.

"Al."

Her eyes came open at the sound of Dean's quiet prompting voice, and she was transported from her thoughts to reality.

They stood in a hotel room: Alex, Dean, Sam, and Castiel. Sitting on the hotel bed, Sarah Blake, who had only known Alex as a mute little sister to the Winchester brothers: Dean, who had been much younger and more free-spirited back in the day when they had saved Sarah from a cursed painting. Sam, who had apparently been Sarah's type.

"You good?" Dean asked his sister lowly so as to not disturb the conversation Sam and Sarah were currently having. She nodded, and refocused. "Here," he said, giving her exactly a half second to catch what he was already throwing.

As Dean tossed his sister a shotgun and she double checked it, Sam continued to address Sarah intensely. "Okay so look, we're gonna put devil's traps everywhere—the windows, the door. We've got holy water, an exorcism ready to play on a loop, a freaking angel ready to go… and anything that comes through that door—it's meat." Despite being incredibly ill from the trials, Sam was resolute and sensitive to Sarah's fear.

This was not what Alex had expected in terms of things that were likely to happen. Life was currently a disaster (as usual)—but now Crowley was gunning for people they had saved in the past. What was his angle? It would become apparent soon enough, she figured.

Sam was still talking as Alex picked up a red spray paint can and shook it sharply, the ball-bearing rattling inside the canister noisily. "Look, I know this is insane, but you know us—insane is kind of what we do. We'll keep you safe."

Sssssss. The can hissed and a large demon ward began to take shape in bright cherry red. A symbol Alex had drawn more times than she could count.

"Okay," Sarah finally said softly.

Sam was obviously surprised. "Okay? That's it?"

"I mean… you've done it before, right?" she asked, then sighed hard. "I could really use a drink though."

Always the man with the alcohol, Dean came through with a can of beer. "Catch."

"Thanks, Dean."

Alex coughed a little against the strong smell of paint, taking a break to shake the can another time. Nearby, Cas was watching her with a worried look. "The fumes are very bad for you," Castiel insisted. "Is there something else you could do?"

Alex looked at him skeptically. "Yeah, lemme go whip up a batch of grandma's brownies."

Dean was bordering on disapproval, and also grabbing a can of spray paint. "Since when are you such a buzzkill, man? Let her do her thing."

Castiel was prim and surly and he took the spray paint from Alex while basically glaring at Dean. "I know more symbols, wards, talismans, and sigils than any of you could ever possibly even comprehend, much less memorize."

"There he is," Dean grumbled, rolling his eyes. "Everyone's favorite nerd." He put his hands on his hips and gave the angel a glib look. "Then why don't you get to it and join us for art class if you're such a pro, huh?" Alex was already grabbing another can, much to Cas's vexation.

Sam cleared his throat apologetically and gave a slight laugh to try and ease the tension. "Sorry," he said to Sarah while forcing lightness. "They're lots of fun to be around, clearly."

Sarah chuckled weakly. "Yeah," she said, obviously not in the best mood. Who would be when you learned a demon was apparently on their way to kill you? And, with a bunch of near-strangers in your room with you? They'd come in and invaded her space and told her danger was imminent. She'd somehow still managed to ask them about themselves, express awe at Alex's ability to now speak, then ask to be introduced to Castiel. When she learned he was an angel, she'd taken it in stride, because what else could she do? Sarah in turn let them know she was only in town for a brief time to do some sort of real estate thing with her dad.

Sam's gaze dropped to her fidgeting hands where a wedding ring set gleamed. "So, uh... that's new."

Sarah touched the rings self-consciously, fidgeting with them as she looked at the sparkling diamond solitaire. A small smile showed on her face. "Oh. Um, yeah… his name is Ian. He works search and rescue." There was a light self-conscious laugh and a veiled dart of the eyes at Sam. "Guess I have a type." The hero, the rescuer. Sam smiled too, bittersweet. She paused and studied her ring again. "Our daughter, Bess—she'll be one in a month."

Sam's surprise was visible. He immediately attempted to cover it up with positivity. "That's, uh, great," he said, forcing out enthusiasm in the face of what appeared to be a blow to his own ego. "I mean it. I'm really, uh... I'm really happy for you."

Sarah smiled, genuinely touched by his words. "Thanks, Sam." There was a brief pause in which Sam looked off into distance unseeingly, his expression quietly pained. He looked gaunt and sallow due to the effects of the demon tablet trials. Sarah studied him. "What about you?"

His eyebrows rose faintly and he looked at her questioningly. "…Me?" There was a brief humorless chuckle that served to fill what would have otherwise been an awkward silence. Sam shrugged his shoulders shallowly, his eyes dodging anyone's gaze. "Pretty much the same, I guess."

Sarah studied him with quiet, keen eyes. "No, you're not," she said after a short, quiet beat. Sam looked at her with pained eyes and she shook her head. "You're not the same." She glanced around the room, eyes briefly catching on the other two Winchesters. "None of you are." Those words, easily spoken and lightly said, had more impact and truth to them than she knew. Dean and Alex exchanged a weighted glance, both looking toward Sam in the same second afterward to see he was already looking at them, too. They weren't the same. Not at all.

Sarah felt awkward, and looked back at Sam. She clearly felt a lot and empathized for him. "Look, it's been years, and I can't even imagine the things you've been through since I last saw you." There was a shrewd pause. "But I can tell it's been hell and a half. And… I can see you really grew up."

"Had to," Sam said, trying to muscle through his pain and put on a steadfast exterior.

Sarah smiled sadly, maybe wishing she hadn't said what she had. She tried for comedy instead. "I really miss the old haircut. Did you forget how to call the barber?"

Sam laughed softly and looked down.

"It's ridiculous, isn't it?" Alex put in from nearby. When she got a tired, half-amused look from her twin, she feigned defensiveness. "What? Pretty soon it's gonna be long enough to put in braids."

"I think it is long enough to braid," Sarah said, and gave Alex a pointed, playful look. "You should get on that."

Alex managed a little smile. "You got it."

"Count me in for painting his nails," Dean added sarcastically.

Sarah was chuckling, her eyes crinkling up a little bit. "You three. I was wrong. Haven't changed a bit, have you?"

There was a quietness that settled over the room and all three Winchesters were sobered by the honest truth that they all knew in that moment. They had changed. In more ways imaginable. In every way possible, maybe. They had been just re-establishing their dynamic of three when they met Sarah about eight years ago. Sam had been newly back in the hunting world. They had still been looking for their Dad. Alex had been mute. Things had been simpler—they had been so much more innocent at the time, as strange as that might sound. Now, they had all three been to Hell and back. They had lived through the Apocalypse, through pains and losses so big they had almost broken apart completely. Often, it felt inevitable: eventually, it would all be too much and they wouldn't be able to carry it anymore.

Crowley of course made good on his promise to kill Sarah—he had done so through a magical strangulation spell, therefore doing the deed from far away without even making an appearance. But what he hadn't known was that Castiel was present. The angel immediately resurrected her. Shaken up by the close call, the Winchesters agreed the best idea was for Sarah to go disappear for awhile, stay gone, and hope that Crowley didn't realize he had been thwarted once more. Sarah was understandably upset, but Castiel promised he would check on her, and check on her child too, then spirited her away to an unknown location to hide her. When he came back to the Winchesters, he took them all back to the Bunker.

One second they were in Sarah's hotel room, and then the next they all stood in the main area lower level of the Bunker, where two stories of metal stairs marched up and down to the various levels, with the large long table being centered below the grand staircase.

Even as the Winchesters were shaking off the slightly woozy feeling of being angel-zapped across creation, Cas let them know he was already making plans to leave again. "Listen everyone, I have to go find Metatron—he's been summoning me nonstop." He looked grim. "I think it's time for the next trial."

"Already?" Sam asked in faint surprise as he set down his gear, because Cas had apparently completed the first trial just last night.

The angel gave a tense nod, glancing at all three of them in turn, lingering longest on Alex. "I'll be as quick as possible. You'll three be safe here."

Alex wordlessly went to him, pulling him with her gently into an adjacent doorway to where they spoke quietly out of earshot.

Dean crossed his arms and leaned against the wall he was next to, sending his brother a glance. "Never a dull moment around here." Sam was feebly sitting himself into a chair at the table, the mere act of standing currently too much for him. He could feel his brother's concerned gaze and he tried not to pay attention. Then came the question. "Sam, you okay?"

Sam didn't know how to respond, it was almost funny because he obviously was a thousand miles from 'okay.' He gave a puny little laugh. "Peachy."

Dean looked at his brother a few beats longer, then said nothing more, watching Cas and Alex instead. They were hugging now. Dean shook his head, the faintest little fond smile on his lips. "Look at those two idiots." He came to sit down at the table beside Sam.

There was a faint smile on Sam's haggard face too. "I am," he returned quietly. Amidst all this chaos, it was oddly comforting to see his sister doing okay and being loved. Sarah had been a reminder of how optimistic he used to be. How jaded and lonely he was now. Thoughts of Molly crept in, who he was trying to hold at arm's length despite his urge to be near her every day. He swallowed, feeling vaguely sick as he thought of how he suspected he might die soon from these trials. He felt like he was living his last days. His voice was faint as his eyes stayed on his sister wistfully: "I'm just glad she gets to be happy."

Knowing nothing of his brother's morbid thoughts, Dean's small bubble was burst and he became more uncomfortable and wary. "Yeah well question is, does it last?" He gave Sam a very heavy look. "Track record says no."

Sam took a second to consider his brother's words, then shook his head no, trying to be optimistic, even though he was so exhausted that summoning the effort was close to impossible. But he had to hold out hope for something. And if he closed the Hellgates, he believed the people he loved would have a better life. That would mean that finally, finally he could make things right for once and for all. "True enough. But, a track record doesn't have to be the predictor of the future."

Dean snorted. "Okay Doctor Phil."

Sam gave him a sideways smirk. "I know you like that show."

There was an immediate indignant reaction. "Shut up, man, I only watch it if nothing else's on."

Sam's mouth twitched. "Uh huh."

There was companionable silence for a few seconds as they watched Cas disappear after a nod in their direction and a squeeze of Alex's hands.

Their sister came over to them afterward, sighing tiredly as she rubbed the back of her head, leaving frizz behind in her hair. "So. What next?" she asked, wearily plopping into a chair across from them. She put her elbow on the table and tucked her legs up on the chair.

Dean's semi-good mood was gone, and he shrugged. "We stop the trials."

While both of the twins reacted visibly at the same time, it was Sam who immediately reacted. "Are you serious? Give Crowley what he wants?"

There was a silent challenge to not push the envelope in Dean's reply. "Yeah."

Confused more than angry, Alex regarded him oddly. "Since when do we let a terrorist run the show?"

Sam didn't give his brother a chance to reply. "We're not giving Crowley shit. We stick to the plan. We shut down Hell, and fast."

If Sam was determined, Dean was apparently even more so, throwing a hand up in a 'stop' motion as he became more aggravated with the conversation. "Whoa whoa whoa—wait a minute—okay look, are you nuts?" He threw his arm out and his voice raised in both pitch and volume, finally appearing to have some feelings. "Crowley's gonna keep killing people we saved if we try that shit! He said so!"

"Which is why we have to be fast," Sam argued back immediately, stabbing one of his fingers down onto the table for effect. "So more people don't die."

"No one has to die!" Dean protested. "This could end now!"

Sam, who had given so much to the trials thus far, was taking it personally. "We're this close, why the hell would we stop now?"

"Oh gee I dunno, maybe because of what just happened to Sarah, what happened to Jenny, what happened to Tommy?" Dean held up a defensive finger briefly, intercepting what he knew would be the next argument. "I mean who's next? Yeah, Cas fixed some of it, but how many times can he do that?"

There was a brief silence where Sam regarded Dean with an expression like betrayal and hurt. Alex however was cryptic, looking for the motivation behind her oldest brother's attitude. "I think you have a reason to keep Hell open," she finally said softly. And in a rare instance, Dean said nothing to the accusation. Didn't even make eye contact with his sister.

Sam's anger faded as his empathetic nature guided him. They all knew that Jamie would be trapped in Hell forever when they shut the doors. Sam drew in a heavy breath and let it out gustily, a sound that betrayed how tired he was. "I am sorry she's there Dean… I am." Dean was unreadable as Sam continued. "But this has to happen. Has to." Sam wet his lips, leaning forward over the table intently. "Look. If we can get ahead of Crowley and figure out how to cure a demon, this is all over and we don't ever have to worry about him touching anyone ever again. So, what we do is we get a demon—"

"Sam, you heard Crowley!" Dean insisted, voice rising in pitch and desperation. "He's not gonna let one near us, and without a demon, all we can do is sit back and watch people we know, people we saved, die!" He sat back far in his chair, miming surrender with his hands like he was some kind of victim. "I'm just trying to be reasonable here dude!"

"So am I!" Sam insisted, his passion never wavering. "This is closing fucking Hell—you can bet your ass it won't be easy!" Sam stared at his brother hard. "The trials so far, the work we've put in, the stuff I've done—we're so close." He was pleading now. "We can find a demon, I mean, have you met us?" He suddenly got an idea. "What about Meg?"

Dean was already shaking his head no. "She's not picking up her phone." He was clearly ready to give up. "We're S-O-L, man."

The brothers fell into stormy silence. Alex watchfully gave the silence a beat and then looked at Dean. "So what are you saying? We're laying down and taking it?"

Disliking how he was being ganged up on and all the implications being made, Dean shoved himself out of his chair and stood, pacing up to the head of the table. Maybe in a subtle bid to exert his power. "I'm saying... maybe this isn't one we can win," he said, and there was genuine defeat there. "That maybe we should just take the deal and save the lives we can. Stop trying to get impossible, unrealistic shit done."

There was another short silence. "But who else will if we won't?" Sam asked in a hurt, quiet voice.

Dean's jaw clenched. His gaze fell. "Not my problem."

The twins looked at each other, silently communicating for the briefest of seconds.

"Fine," Sam said, but his voice sounded a little choked. "I guess… I guess we'll do this without you." That got Dean's attention. He didn't even seem to have considered that a possibility at all. And he was shocked into silence. "But for what it's worth," Sam added, "I'd rather have you with us on this."

Dean let out a huge, disgusted, exhausted breath and pinched the bridge of his nose briefly before chopping his hand through the air. "Look, you two just aren't getting it."

"No, you're not getting it," Sam fired back, finally standing up to his full height authoritatively. His chest heaved with the way he was breathing and his voice was loud. "I'm closing Hell, Dean. Like it or not." He took a couple seconds to breathe hard, in which he became more tired, more pleading. "I need you on this. Please. I don't want anyone else to die. Of course I don't. Dean… this is maybe the biggest thing to ever happen in the history of the world besides the apocalypse. We can't just walk away. This is an us thing." He indicated all three of them. "We gotta follow through, man." He wet his lips again, suddenly appearing younger and frailer somehow at the same time. "This is the finale. I can feel it, Dean. After this… things get better." His voice broke and weakened. "They have to."

Dean struggled in silence for a minute, but he was finally considering. "I don't know, guys. If the people we saved die or get hurt, if we don't pull this off… it's like everything we did, all the sacrifices… like it was for nothing." He sounded just as scared as Sam was. "I can't let that happen."

"It won't." Alex said, standing up as well. "If we do this together, strength in numbers, right?" Dean didn't look entirely convinced. Alex tried again. "And I think I know how to get a demon for you to cure."

The brothers both looked her way with equal shares of cautious hope and wariness. "…How?" Sam asked slowly.

"Easy. He'll play right into our hands."

Dean didn't look happy. "…Are you talking about Crowley?"

"He's so up his own ass, he won't see it coming." Alex said. Her time in Hell replayed in her mind and despite everything, she felt a little smile on her face. "He thinks he has us right now," she said, picturing wiping that smirk off of his smarmy face permanently. "After everything he's done to this family, I think it's time to settle the score a little, don't you?"

Dean hesitated. "Can't say I don't agree… but he's not some crossroads punk anymore. We don't have a way to keep him 'got' even if we can get a face-to-face meeting."

His sister began smiling an almost mischievous smile. "Wrong on both counts, big brother." Getting the meeting would be easy, and she had found quite the item just a day or so ago. "Cas and I were exploring the bunker the other day and we found this dungeon thing—"

"A what?" Sam interrupted with a dropped jaw.

"A dungeon," she repeated, semi-enjoying her brothers astonishment and the fact that they hadn't found it first. "Complete with these special-edition demonic handcuff things. They might be just what the doctor ordered."

The brothers glanced at each other, then Dean nodded, deciding in that moment—fuck it—to be on board. They were the Winchesters. He didn't have much of a choice at this point. Best course of action was to just do the damn thing. "Show it to us."

A Few Hours Later

A solitary little white, weathered church stood somberly in a wide open bleak landscape, by all appearances long abandoned. Nothing else was near it in the way of civilization—a quiet lake hugged close to the back of the church, and mountains rolled in the distance skimmed by wisps of foggy clouds. The air was chilly and damp.

On the stoop of the church against the massive wooden door, a young woman had been sitting cross-armed, waiting in anxious impatience and exhaustion to hear from her brothers. She had done her part of warding the place and putting the devil's trap in place then setting up the chain system to anchor their special guest in place, just like Sam had asked. But as she sat there waiting, exhaustion had won the battle, and she nodded off, slumping against the door frame she sat in. That's when the nightmares began—the kind that held her in an impossible, tight grip. She only whimpered a soft little sound of protest at first. Then her head jerked slightly as her features began to tense. The nightmares had taken over, terrorizing her by holding her captive to sleep ravaged by horrors.

And then, a man in a trench coat appeared. He crouched and took hold of her, supporting her lolling head and steadying her shaking body. "Alex, Alex!" he called in a rough, urgent voice. Her eyes snapped open wildly and her hands shot out to clutch him as she gasped.

Disoriented while panting like she'd just run several miles, she held on tight, her wild eyes focusing as her pupils adjusted to the light. "Did—did I… fall asleep?" she asked, the terror fading away she realized she was awake again.

"Yes, and this is hardly the right place for it," Cas said almost rudely. He peppered her with questions. "Why are you alone? What is this place? Where are Sam and Dean? Why wasn't I made aware of whatever this is you're doing? You were supposed to be at the bunker!"

Alex's confusion quickly began to fade to surliness and she pushed at him. "Hey, chill out on the twenty questions," she said, standing and brushing herself off grumpily. "I didn't really wanna be there when they trapped Crowley."

Castiel flipped his shit. "What?!" He looked like he was going to launch into outer space. "You're attempting—they're attempting to trap Crowley without me?!"

"Well you were busy and we just thought—"

"Thought you should attempt to capture the King of Hell without me there?!" Cas's voice dropped lower. "Those fools."

Alex looked him up and down, mildly suspicious of his odd behavior and annoyed at his attitude. "Bad day at the office?"

"What office?" he returned in classic Cas fashion.

"The trials. Metatron?"

He blinked, then shook his head. "No. Nothing new there yet," he said, but something was very, very off about him. The way he was looking at her wasn't normal. And Alex became more and more afraid that he had more secrets. More lies. He had promised to never mislead her ever again, but he had been acting so bizarrely the past few days. That and he'd been trying to tell her something earlier that had seemed really important. She had been marinating on that uneasily ever since.

"Okay... so what's going on with you?" she asked, but it wasn't in an unkind way. More fearful than anything else.

"I, uh—I don't know what you mean," he said, obviously trying to act normal. Which made her even more suspicious. "Everything is fine." He thought about it a second. "Well. As fine as it can be, given the circumstances."

"...Is this about what you had to do last night?" she ventured. Killing Jane.

"No, it's…" and he trailed off, looking like he was debating himself in his head, trying to figure out how to tell her something.

He looked guilty to her. He was definitely hiding something. She recognized the signs by now. Alex's heart began to sink and her mind prepared her for the utter worst case scenario. "Cas… if you're doing something you shouldn't be again, tell me. Please."

He hesitated, then turned away a little bit, the picture of reluctant and conflicted. Off in his own distracted little world, he shook his head and his eyes scanned the ground tensely. "No, it's not that. It's…" he trailed off again and then looked into her eyes with an unreadable and intense expression.

"Are you working with him again?" she asked, working hard to keep her voice steady. She made it clear who she meant when he appeared startled at the question. "Crowley?"

Shock showed in the angel's fiercely blue eyes. "What? No!" he exclaimed, appearing deeply hurt. "How could you think that?" As soon as he asked, he visibly regretted the question. They both knew how she could. He grew quieter and subdued. "Don't answer that."

Fair enough. But Alex needed answers. "Well then what?" She waited, heart hammering sickeningly. She couldn't take this anymore. "What?" she pressed, and he dodged her eyes, making her even more insistent. "Cas, please, what?"

Cas took in a deep, heavy breath, and Alex remained convinced that terrible news was coming. "I suppose there will never be a time that feels exactly right…" he said softly, almost to himself.

Alex shook her head, her stomach sick with dread as her mouth began to feel like cotton. "What are you talking about?" she pleaded, doing her very best not to show how upset she was. She couldn't take much more bad news right now.

Castiel gently took hold of her forearms. "I need to tell you something very important," he said. "And I think we should sit down."

That made her even more terrified, and her skin prickled all over. It was something bad. "No. No way," she said, shaking her head no. She steeled herself, terrified the entire time. "What it is?"

He hesitated again, taking in deep breaths like he was steeling himself too. "I want you to know how much I love you. And that I am never going to leave you alone in this."

The hell did he mean by that? Her voice was a mere whisper as her heart hammered against her ribs. "Cas… you're freaking me out."

Cas hesitated, unsure of where to begin. "I found something out recently." He wet his lips nervously. "About you. About something happening to you, I suppose you could say."

Her heart was racing with the possibilities, plunging her into paranoid horror. The sickness, the nonstop appetite, her feelings of being emotionally bonkers all came to mind—she had known something wasn't right with her since coming back from Hell, but realizing he knew what, specifically, froze her with fear. She waited breathlessly and when he didn't say, she lost patience. "What? What's happening to me? Tell me Cas!"

"Y-you're…" he faltered, then tried again. "We—"

And then he gave up on words and one of his hands trailed from where it gently held a forearm to rest against her stomach. For a second, Alex didn't get it, and looked down at his hand like what? She looked back up at him, then thinking maybe he was going to angel-magic her nausea away. But he held her gaze in such a way, while keeping his hand there, then moved his thumb ever so softly and gave her this look… and then she understood. Suddenly all the air in the world was gone, and her blood drained out of her face and limbs, making her feel a shock of ice. Her folded arms slowly began to drop. Alex could barely speak except to manage a barely whispered, "Oh my god." It all made sense: the past couple days of feeling sick, her wild emotions, the strange cravings.

Cas nodded tentatively, his expression tender and worried and happy and cautious all at once. "Just a few days along now," he said hesitantly.

"A few days along now," she echoed dumbly in a woolen tone. But... all these intense symptoms so soon like that? That didn't seem normal. Too shocked to even know how to react, Alex's mind tripped over itself, trying to make sense of what she was being told. "T-the soul touch?" she asked in a stunned whisper, her hand drifting up to brush over Cas's.

"The soul touch," he confirmed, appearing to feel a little awkward. Alex gaped at him. He continued onward, floundering slightly. "I didn't mean to, and I didn't realize, but—you and I—we—" Cas stopped, shut his mouth, and swallowed. He looked afraid now, too. "Say something," he implored, almost a whisper.

And it was suddenly too much. Alex felt like she was going to pass out on the spot from the racing thoughts gallivanting through her head. She stepped away from him, away from his hand on his stomach, almost pushing him. "Stop kidding around!" she accused, even though it was clear he wasn't. "This can't happen right now!" Her voice was rising, her blood sugar was dropping, adrenaline was coursing through her shocked veins.

"Alex—"

"Castiel, tell me I'm not fucking pregnant!" she almost yelled. And there was a long silence between them. Far away somewhere, a crow let out a lonely 'caw, caw.'

Castiel looked at her with a stung sort of expression that made everything even worse. "Well I suppose could tell you that, but… that would be a lie."

Shit. She stood there breathing erratically. For a long moment, she felt the cold hollow breeze playing with her hair and skimming her cold skin. She tried to picture it and just couldn't. Her, as a mother? In this terrible, fucked up world? She had imagined this as an eventuality. Not a now thing. And babies might as well have been aliens to her: she knew zero about them except that they cried all the time. Her eyes began to sting with tears and she finally found the ability to look into Castiel's crystal blues. "I'm—I'm not ready," she managed to choke out. "I can barely take care of myself, how am I supposed to—a—a baby?"

He was gentle, understanding, and came a little closer. "You won't be alone," he assured tenderly, and even though he was clearly nervous, he offered his thoughts. "We can get books and, and—I think there are even classes of some kind. We can learn." Silence. Alex didn't know how to process it. She hadn't asked for this or wanted this—not yet certainly. Castiel touched her face, drawing her gaze again. "Whatever happens, it will be us together," he said soft and low, serious and intense.

Parenthood. That was something even more intimidating and terrifying than going to Hell, or fighting a demon, or being alone. Having a child, and caring for it. The levels of responsibility, the shifts it would bring: Her body would change, her life would change—where would they live? How would she know what to do? And then, she remembered the time-traveling young man who had looked so much like Cas, who had also saved her in the SucroCorp conflict. And knowing settled in her heart. Recognition dawned. Something bigger than big settled over her. This spark of life inside of her. It was him. It had to be. Feelings she didn't know flared up, confounding her, overwhelming her senses. But the feeling of horror gave away to something else. Curiosity. Wonder. Anticipation. Love.

Alex was putting it together now. Last night. "Jane," she said, speaking out loud. "Jane was… was angel and human."

"Yes," Cas confirmed. "Nephilim."

And then a new realization came to Alex and a fiercely protective fury struck. "Did Metatron say… did he say you had to either kill her or… or… or our son?" she demanded, feeling a primal fury she hadn't ever quite felt before at the thought. A few heartbeats ago, he hadn't existed yet. And now he did, and whatever her confusion or misgivings left her feeling, she couldn't deny the possessive surge that came over her. "If he did, I will fucking kill him."

Cas regarded her quietly, his eyes warm. "Metatron is the one who told me you were pregnant," he said. "I started the trials because I couldn't risk someone… someday… coming after our child…" he shook his head and looked down regretfully. "So Jane had to die instead for Heaven and all its danger to be circumvented." Alex swallowed thickly, trying to process, one of her hands coming to rest against her stomach. A new person, starting here inside of her body. And she hadn't missed Cas's dedication, his willingness to do whatever it took to protect. It reminded her of the Winchester legacy—anything and everything for family. Growing more fierce, Cas came to stand right in front of her. "I'll always protect you, do you understand? No matter what." He touched the hand on her stomach with two fingers. He softened. "And now… I'll always protect our child too."

This new character on the scene was hard to immediately accept in stride, and Alex looked away, confused and stressed out as she bounced between emotions. "This... seems so fast," she said, fighting a lump in her throat and the clawing fears of how it would be too much for her. "Everything's changing."

Cas considered her for a moment. "Yes, I think you're right. But something inside of me… feels right about this."

Alex was still resisting. "But I don't know anything about kids," she protested. "Or taking care of them. Or how to be a mom." She realized it a second later: "And you probably know less than I do!" She felt like her stress was making her skin hot at this point. "Do I need to get a real job? Do I need to quit hunting?" The current situation with the tablets, the demons, the angels, combined with her life history suddenly made her feel even more anxious. She would never wish a child to be raised the way she had been. "The world is too dangerous for a kid!"

"Which makes it even more important to close Heaven and Hell alike," Cas said steadily. He had clearly thought about this at length. "I am going to keep us safe. All three of us."

Alex tried a weak smile. He was so poised, he didn't seem to have the doubts she did. "I'm sorry… you probably wanted me to be happy and shit, didn't you?" she asked, wishing she could be.

He mirrored her faint smile. "It's all right to feel scared," he said, then admitted his own feelings. "I am too."

Surprised and relieved, she perked up. "Really?"

"Yes." He drew in a deep breath, appearing vastly human in that moment. "Terrified, even. But also… I feel… like I could burst right here." He pulled her hand to rest against his chest, and he held her gaze in his steadily. Her breathing started to come more easily then. His heart beat strong somewhere underneath the skin of her palm, a soothing rhythm. Their bond, their time together, their story ran across her mind again as she looked at that boyish face across from her and felt his warm, strong hand on hers. He looked hopeful, he looked like he was happy about this despite any misgivings and fears. And seeing that, a small part of her could relax a little. "I thought I would never do anything better or more noble than to love you," Cas murmured after a long moment. "But perhaps there is one more thing better and more noble." And then, his eyes began to shine with tears, stirring emotion in her too. "Alex, we created a child together. A new life came from the love between us." His hand grasped into hers more firmly, conveying an earnestness that was soul-deep. "Together, you and I can do anything. I know we can."

Seeing him tear up had the same effect on her, and suddenly she was putting her arms around him and holding on tightly while being held just as tight, too. "Oh my god," she breathed through shaky breath. Just as shocked and dismayed as she had been a moment ago, she felt overjoyed and emotional. He held her even tighter, and she squeezed her eyes closed, clenching him tight for a long, long moment. When she pulled back, she held him by the shoulders. It hit her anew: "You're gonna be a dad, Cas!" she said in disbelief and awe through a stunned smile, as if she was realizing it for the first time. And even if she couldn't quite picture herself as a mother yet, she could see Cas as the kind of father she had never known... tender, kind, curious, playful, gentle, so loving. She could see him holding an infant easily, and it got her in a way she wasn't quite prepared for. He smiled at her through his own intense emotion and simply nodded, a hand coming to touch her face, thumb rubbing her cheek. "Cas, I—" she started.

And then they heard the familiar sound of a car approaching. Moment gone, Alex's head snapped sideways to look at the road leading up to the church. "Shit. I forgot they were coming," she said, her elated, emotional state fading away as she remembered current reality. Then she looked at Cas with wide eyes. "Don't tell them," she said urgently. "N-not yet. Not until I'm… not until I've had a chance to get used to this."

Cas agreed readily. "Only we'll know," he said, squeezing a hand, holding her eyes with his. "Until the time of your choosing."

She wiped at her face hastily, trying to hide her emotions, nodding. "Only us." Their eyes held a moment longer, and their secret glowed in the other's gaze, reflecting back at the other.

Then as the Impala rolled up closer, Cas stood in front of Alex. "Now stay close to me," he said in a deeper voice. "The King of Hell is in that car."

So, everything had gone to plan with the capture, she thought, watching the approaching car with caution, refocusing herself and changing the channel of her thoughts. Good. Step one complete. Maybe everything would turn out. Maybe Sam was right. Maybe this was where things started to go right for them. She glanced at the side of Cas's head briefly, love and fear and excitement and dread all at once shimmering over her.

The car stopped right in front of the church and the brothers got out. "Special delivery," Dean said as Sam hauled a handcuffed Crowley into the church. "Carry this," he said, shoving a heavy duffel at Alex as he brushed past then went to help Sam manhandle a squirming Crowley inside. Alex didn't protest at the abrupt command. Instead, she just followed inside, carrying the item all of two steps, still in a bit of a daze—Cas took it from her at that point and gave her a brief, knowing look as they entered the church.

The old building was dank, dark, and stripped of most decor and furniture. The floor was slightly wet, and shining leaves scattered everywhere. A few bird nests perched in the rafters overhead. All the pews except one or two had been removed. The remaining two were at cluttered angles off to the sides of the sanctuary.

As the brothers secured Crowley into the waiting chair with chains and restraints in the middle of the large devil's trap on the floor, the demon seethed. Alex hung back with Castiel, who was currently exchanging a long, acidic look with the demon.

"Ah," the familiar rough, deep voice purred in a menacing sneer. "How's my favorite little choir boy, huh?" he asked, voice dripping with poison. "If you wanted to visit, you could have just sent a post card." Crowley looked over at Dean indignantly, rattling at his restraints in vain attempts to break them. "You really think this is gonna hold me? You're gonna, 'cure' me, or whatever it is?" he growled.

Sam looked coldly down his nose at the demon. "Settle in, buddy. You're not going anywhere." He gave a nod to his brother.

With Crowley secured, Dean motioned for them all to go outside again. On the way out, Alex impulsively smacked Crowley across the back of his head hard, resulting in an indignant, "Ow!" Cas gave her a slightly disapproving look, but didn't say anything.

"Let the games begin," Dean commented wryly as the group returned outside. Sam began to rummage in the disorganized wreck of a trunk for the necessary items.

Cas looked upward to the gray sky, his expression becoming intent, then reluctant. "Metatron," he said softly, then turned to Alex. "He's calling again. I think it's time for the second trial now, at least I hope so." He looked at the church with concern. "Do you… can I take you somewhere safer?" Obviously, he wished she would say yes.

But even though she had this new information and knew she was not only putting herself at risk anymore… "I have to be with my brothers for this."

Cas looked like he had expected as much, but was still disappointed. "Very well." He said, then gave the boys nods where they stood near the car. "Sam. Dean. Good luck." He paused. "Keep each other safe." He squeezed Alex's hand lingeringly. "I'll be back when I can."

And then he was gone. Thunder rumbled ominously, and Dean looked up briefly, wary. "So what're the odds Heaven and Hell close on the same day?" he asked. "Anyone wanna take bets?" When neither sibling replied, he mumbled something and turned his attention to his brother. "How you feelin' anyway Sammy?"

Sam was pulling out the last of what he needed from the trunk. "Like I said. First time in a long time, feels like we're gonna win," he said, and gave a hopeful, tired smile. "I'm good."

"All right well, no dancing in the end zone until we're finished," Dean said, then snapped his fingers at his sister. "Hey. Earth to planet space case."

Alex started out of gazing into space with an odd expression. She pulled her jacket around herself more closely and went to stand with Sam, watching him pouring water out of an old canteen and into a mason jar with a screw on lid. Her twin glanced at her briefly, noticing.

"You okay?" he asked quietly, and Alex exhaled sharply and made an unsure face—because she didn't know. But then shook her head yes, murmured "fine," and even though he didn't look convinced, Sam didn't press and he returned to his task.

Dean sidled a little closer, then nodded toward the instruction manual for curing a demon that all their hard work had turned up. "What's the father's playbook say now?"

Sam glanced at the church. "Well, now that we got the consecrated ground, I slip Crowley one dose of blood—my blood—every hour for eight hours and then seal the deal with a fist sandwich." He pulled out one of the syringes from the kit he'd been throwing together.

"Your blood's supposed to be purified, right?" Dean asked, drawing a defensive look from Sam. "You ever uh, you ever done the 'forgive me father' thing before?"

A little put on the spot, Sam cleared his throat. "Once. When we were kids. Which is why I have no idea what to say now."

"I got suggestions if you want," Dean said with a cold, little smile, indicating that his resentments were still as present as they had ever been.

Sam shook his head in a shallow no—he already knew everything Dean could accuse him of and more. "I'm good."

Dean didn't take the no as an answer. "The demon blood? Ruby? Killing Lilith? Letting Lucifer out—"

"Dean, stop," Alex said so sharply that both brothers were surprised. Sam looked like he might say something, but then slung the bag of everything he'd collected over his shoulder and wordlessly retreated into the church. Dean's words had obviously hurt.

Dean pretended like nothing had happened and began to look through the trunk with a cantankerous expression.

"Did you really have to say that shit?" Alex asked.

"Was any of it a lie?" Dean challenged, not looking at her.

She let out a disgusted sigh. It didn't matter if he was going through shit. Hell, she'd just found out she was pregnant and she wasn't throwing near the fit he was. "You should stay out here if you're gonna be this helpful all day," she muttered.

He looked at her defensively. "I got a lot of my mind, okay?"

She made a wan face. If he only knew. "Well aren't you special."

He rolled his eyes and indicated the messy trunk. "Help me organize this damn mess, will you princess?"

She thought about saying no because his attitude sucked. But after a long few seconds, she sighed roughly and gave in. It would give her something to distract from the news she'd gotten. News she couldn't think about fully just yet... but of course, still found herself obsessing over.

Let's just get through this closing Hell thing first, okay? Then we figure the rest out. She told herself.

But she felt like she wasn't just talking to herself anymore. There was someone else there now, too—someone new, small, and wonderful who belonged to her and Cas. Oddly, that realization was sweet and comforting in a way she didn't expect, inspiring a warm, soft feeling deep inside her chest. The smallest smile came over her face, even as Dean shoved a wad of trash at her and told her to find a bag. She barely heard him, and just started looking for a bag.