hi guys, thank you all for the response that I've had so far! It's been amazing! Here's another chap for you on the eve of my birthday! So leave me a pressie in the form of a review :) as always I own nothing enjoy!
Chapter Twenty-Two
My Turn
Ellen and Ash had barely opened their mouths to repeat my goodbyes before I was dashing from the Roadhouse and jumping into my 'borrowed' car. The pit of dread in my stomach was getting worse with every passing second.
I was so ashamed of myself for ignoring phone calls and messages just because I'd been hurting. I knew that in this life that I'd chosen, personal feelings meant nothing. You were the job and that was it. You weren't a person any more. You were what ever you needed to be to get the job done. I knew that, Sam, Dean and Bobby had told me as much. But I'd still ignored their attempts at contact with me because I'd forgotten that I'd stopped being a person the second that I'd asked the brothers to train me. And because of that Sam was, well hurt I was guessing, Dean was a mess and I hadn't been there to help. I hadn't been there when they needed me.
Ellen had informed me it would take only three hours to get to Bobby's if I put my foot down.
I drove like a NAS car driver who'd never heard of a brake, the fact that I hadn't been pulled was a miracle. Maybe Cas was looking out for me?
Two hours into my drive and I started to recognise familiar streets, I was less than ten minutes away from Bobby's, beating by almost an hour Ellen's prediction for my arrival.
My phone rang, an annoying chirping sound that I would change the second I could. Without taking my eyes off the road I answered. I wouldn't be ignoring my phone again for a long time.
"Yeah?" I said, pressing speaker so that I could carry on driving with two hands on the wheel, probably a good idea as I was doing one hundred and twenty down the straight stretch of road.
"Bella?" The voice which I couldn't place for a second said down the line.
"Yeah." I repeated, a little hesitantly now.
"The cops are looking for your car, it's finally been reported stolen, I'd ditch it if I were you Hot Stuff." Ash's voice echoed round the tiny, cramped space of my car.
"Crap!" I hissed, this was not what I needed right now. Especially as the sky had darkened so much that it almost looked like night. The heavens would surely open any time. "Thanks Ash."
"No probs' Hot stuff. Later's." Short and sweet, Ash really did grow on you. Even with the mullet.
With a sigh I ditched the car. Literally. I'd driven it in to a ditch at a much lower speed than I'd previously been driving, I wasn't going to be of any use to the Winchesters dead after all.
I started the ten minute drive, but half an hour walk to Bobby's with my bright pink bag slung over my shoulder. Walking so fast that I might as well have been jogging, my breathing was coming harsh and fast, my legs burning, but I didn't slow down, I couldn't. The brothers needed me. Bobby needed me. And no matter how much it was gonna hurt me I would not turn my back on them. It was my turn to help them.
Soon enough I could see the hulking outline of Bobby's imposing junk yard lingering in the distance. A dark shadow in the darker sky.
The first drops of rain hit me as I turned down the long, confusing drive that led to the main house. My footsteps echoed down the narrow alleyways of long dead cars on the gravel dirt. My feeling of dread and worry increasing with every step. And if I was being honest with myself so were my nerves.
I was scared. There I'd admitted it. I was scared, of seeing Dean again, of the feelings it would churn up and the hurt it would cause. It wasn't going to stop me, not for a second, but it did slow me down a little.
I was just turning the final bend when I heard a plea that made me stop dead.
"I need some help here. Please. Please." Dean's voice was pain, pure pain, there was no other word for it. I'd never heard anyone sound so broken in my twenty years. The little pieces that were left of my heart cried out for him.
I turned the corner, walking out from behind the wall of rusty cars to see Dean, looking handsome as ever, yet completely down trodden, tired beyond belief and given up. He was staring into the rainy sky, with tears running down his face.
"Dean?" I whispered, my voice almost breaking on that one word. My heart stuttering I took a step towards the man I'd thought I'd known so well.
"Bella?" Deans voice almost sounded full of worship for a second, his eyes widening, his mouth going slack and his whole body seemingly relaxed in front of my eyes. But then his mask slammed back in place, his body became rigid once more, his eyes tightened and his mouth turned down into an angry frown. "What are you doing here B? I thought you were going home?" His words were harsh this time, but something else was present in them, it was too hard to be hope, but it was something close to that.
"Bobby called, said you needed me." I replied, my heart fluttering, my stomach sinking. Every inch of me tingled with anticipation and nerves.
"Yeah, well I don't. Sorry, you've had a wasted journey sweetheart." Dean bit out at me, drinking down some scotch that I'd over looked clutched in his hand.
"Sorry, wrong choice of phrase. Bobby said Sam was hurt, that all together, the three of you needed me." I replied with my own bite in my voice. I was more than aware of the fact that Dean didn't need me. It had kept me up all night for the last two weeks. It had destroyed what was left of my soul. Or that's what it felt like anyway.
"Yeah, well like I said. Bobby was wrong. Hope you haven't come far." Dean said his eyes burning a hole into my head. It looked like he hated me. That hurt.
"I'll be the judge of that. Thanks." I replied coolly before walking towards Bobby's and ignoring the man behind me. Going against every instinct in my body.
"Go home Bella!" Dean called out behind me, obviously trying to give it one last shot at dissuading me from carrying on. That one sentence cut me deeper than he'd ever know. Penetrating to my very core.
I stopped for a beat, my voice when it came out was stronger than I'd have thought possible with the tears burning my eyes. "I haven't got a home anymore Dean."
I carried on walking towards Bobby's, the tears that were in my eyes threatening to overflow as the house appeared in front of me. The lights on, the house which had once inspired so much fear in me now felt as close to a home as anywhere, perhaps even more so, despite everything I'd been through with the Winchesters in the last couple of weeks.
I walked into the warm, welcoming house without knocking. I didn't need to here. Bobby's home was a safe heaven, somewhere I felt as though I'd always be welcome from now on. No matter what happened and how long had passed. It was instinctive, the knowledge that once you'd made good with Bobby you were always good until you made a huge mistake. And I'd not made one yet. Not with him anyway.
"Dean?" Bobby's worn and tired voice rang out into the kitchen which was looking even messier than the last time I'd visited a couple of months back.
"Sorry to disappoint but no, it's me." I called out as I dropped my bag and helped myself to a beer before following Bobby's gruff voice into the study.
"Bella?" Bobby asked, his eyes wide over the bags that had lined his face in the last few weeks. He looked like he'd aged at least ten years in the short time since I'd last seen him.
"Hi Bobby." I said with a shy, wan smile. Hopefully I'd get a better reaction from him than I had from Dean.
"Thanks for calling us back!" Bobby said sarcastically, but his eyes swam with relief, his beard trying to hide a very small smile.
"Yeah, well I'm here now." I smiled back.
"You see Dean out there?" Bobby asked me, his voice going back to serious now, leaving me in no doubt that this was why I was here.
"Yep." I replied, my own voice serious too, but I was sure for different reasons. "What's happened Bobby?" I wasn't going back over my reunion with Dean, not even for Bobby.
"Well." Bobby started telling me, his face tiring just on that one small word. But his next words were drowned out by a scream of pain coming from downstairs.
My blood ran cold, sweat broke out on my skin and my stomach plummeted once more. That scream could only have come from Sam. I ran. I could hear Bobby shouting me from behind, but I didn't stop, Sam's tormented screams hadn't ceased. I followed them down the stairs into the cluttered and dirty basement. What the hell was Sam doing down here? If he was hurting then surely he should be tucked up in bed.
In the corner of the large room stood a huge steel door. That's where the screams were coming from.
I looked through a slot in the door, a grill similar to the ones found in prison doors in super-max. What the hell was going on here? Sam was screaming, his whole body convulsing as he was strapped down to a tiny cot in the middle of a devil's trap in the center of the tiny room that lay beyond the iron door.
"Sam?" I whispered, but he was too far into his pain to hear my call. I raised my hand to open the door, to go and help him. To do something, anything when I felt arms wrap around my waist and tug me fiercely back from the door.
I looked round to see Dean pushing me back. "Bella you can't!" Deans voice was urgent yet pained.
Tears trickled down my face as Sam screamed once more, the sound reaching into my gut and pulling me towards him, wanting to do anything to help him. "I know sweetheart, I know." Dean said softly from next to me.
"What the hells been going on Dean?" I asked, my voice a whisper even though I'd meant for it to come out loud and strong.
"C'mon, I'll tell ya upstairs." Dean pushed me gently back towards the stairs, giving the room where Sam was being held a long look before following me up back towards the study.
I sat down on the sofa and looked from Dean to Bobby, waiting for answers as Sam's screams echoed round the vast house.
"So what the hell is going on? Why is Sam strapped down in there? What's wrong with him?" I asked the men as neither looked at me or spoke for a couple of minutes, my voice was strong again thankfully.
"He's addicted to demon blood." Dean said, his words low and pained.
"Ok. What?" I asked, addicted to demon blood? That didn't even make any sense.
"C'mon B. His mood swings, how he was always so happy to see Ruby, the sweats. He's addicted to blood." Dean said to me as though it should be obvious. It still made no sense to me though. Maybe I was being slow.
"He's drying out down there. Going cold turkey." Bobby added, his head held up by one hand, his face etched with new pain with every scream coming from downstairs.
"Ok..." I didn't even know where to start, or what to ask. "So how long till he's back? How did he even get addicted? I didn't know you could." This was really damn confusing.
Dean sighed, a fed up and annoyed sound, this was pretty much exactly what he didn't want to talk about, I could tell. "Look B, is it even really any of your business? What's it matter to you? Just go home. Go back to Fork's. Have a normal life. Please."
Enough was enough. I could see why Bobby had rang, these guys were falling apart, they needed me. But I didn't need this attitude. Dean didn't want me any more, fine, but I was staying till these men were back on their feet and I'd be doing it without Dean telling me to go away every five minutes.
"Dean, shut up will ya? Stop telling me to go home. I haven't got one and I already told ya months ago that I wasn't gonna have a normal life! I'm staying here till Sam, Bobby and you are all good to go again! And then I'll leave and you'll never have to see me again, don't worry! Until then though, keep your god damn mouth shut cause I ain't going anywhere!" My words came out in acid, my tone biting and cold, my anger and hurt at an all time high. "And as for what's it got to do with me? Sam's one of my friends, and I don't turn my back on the people I care about, not ever!"
"That isn't what I meant B... Just you have a chance.." Dean started saying, his tone lighter, softer now.
I cut over him, my tone still cold and hard. "Stop the bull Dean! And let's stop the trip down memory lane, yeah? We had this conversation almost six months ago! I do not have a chance at a normal life! I know it, you know it. Stop staying I do to make yourself feel better! I'm staying, that's the end of it! When you're all good to go I'll leave. You'll be free of me for good. Don't worry." I took a deep breath, pissed as hell, tears threatening to swim in my eyes once more. As Deans mouth opened again I turned to face Bobby. "Am I ok to use the spare room again Bobby?" I asked the older man.
"Er... Yeah, sure Bella." Bobby said, his eyes wide as he looked from Dean to me.
"Thanks." I muttered before going to get my bag and heading up the stairs to the room I used everytime I stayed here.
I threw my bag on the bed, and pulled out my phone. I'd been putting this off but I needed to know. What had Dean said in his text? Was it care and worry? Something he couldn't say to my face? A deep breath and I opened the text.
Heard about the shifter, give Bobby or Sam a ring. They're worried. D.
That was it. That was all; I growled in frustration and anger before turning to the punch bag that was still hanging in the room and pulling out my i-pod. A little anger management wouldn't go a miss right now.
I'd been taking out my frustrations on the bag for almost thirty minutes, holding back the tears that I desperately didn't want to shed here when the music changed. One of my chick songs came on. The first one that had played the first time the brothers had driven me here to meet Bobby. Pink's 'Blow Me One Last Kiss'.
My punches started waning, my kicks barely touching as the words penetrated my anger and opened the flood gates for my tears.
"Eyes on fire, eyes on fire,
And they burn from all the tears,
I've been crying, I've been crying,
I've been dying over you,
Tie a knot in the rope,
Trying a hold, trying a hold,
But there's nothing to grab so I let go!"
I threw one more ineffectual punch before sobs shook my body.
"I think I've finally had enough,
I think I maybe think too much,
I think this might be it for us,
Blow me one last kiss."
My legs shook with the force of my anguish, shook so hard that they collapsed from under me. There really was nothing left to hold onto anymore, Dean's attitude had proven that. Any shred of hope I'd been clutching at went into the dark pit of my stomach that was piece by piece sucking in my fractured heart. I'd never known pain like it.
"I think that life's too short for this,
Want back my ignorance and bliss,
I think I've had enough of this,
Blow me one last kiss."
Tears swarmed down my face, my knees curling up into my chest, my arms wrapped around myself as though to prevent the last of my heart being sucked into the deep pit of despair that I'd fallen in to.
The song finished and I ripped out my earphones, I didn't need to listen to anymore. Those lines summed it all up, all the heart break, all the despair, I felt like Dean was torturing me, and he didn't even realise it.
"Jesus Bella!" Came a voice from the doorway. I spun my head to see who was stood watching my moment of weakness. Who was watching me when I was at my most vulnerable.
Both Bobby and Dean were stood watching me with wide, pained eyes. Great.
"Want to take a picture?!" I barked at the men, not even trying to stop the flow of tears. It was too late they'd seen the depth of my hurt.
"Bella, what's wrong girl?" Bobby asked me in a soft voice, inching into my room and bending over. He reached out a hand as though he was going to comfort me but didn't know where to start.
Dean was still stood in the doorway, his eyes like a window into my own pain.
When I answered Bobby I was actually speaking to Dean, my eyes never leaving him, my voice still choked with tears. "I don't know if I can do this. I'm sorry. It hurts too much." This was probably the most selfish sentence I'd ever uttered, I knew they needed me, I knew it but if I had to stay so close to him, knowing that he didn't even like me anymore let alone want me then I was going to die. I honestly thought that.
"What? What are you talking about girl? What hurts?" Bobby's voice was still gentle, his hand actually managed to touch my shoulder now.
I sob overcame me once more before I could speak again. But Dean saved me the trouble. "I do. I did. I hurt her." His voice came out sounding so upset, so pained that I felt it myself. His words were almost a little choked, if I didn't know any better than I'd have said he was feeling exactly as I did.
"You did this?" Bobby sounded confused as he turned to face Dean.
"Yeah, I did this." Was Deans answer, his eyes begging with me, pleading with me.
"No you didn't. Not your fault." I muttered, trying desperately to get myself under control.
"Then who's is it?" Dean asked me, his voice still broken.
"Mine." I whispered.
"That's bull shit B, how is it your fault?" Dean frowned at me, apparently getting over the hurt fairly quickly.
"Er.. Guys?" Bobby cut in, standing up and facing the doorway. We ignored him.
"I thought there was more than there was. Sam tried to warn me, there was no future, but I ignored him, I let myself think."
"Shut up!" Bobby growled out. Dean and I both looked at him with bemusement. What was the old man's problem, could he not see that Dean and I were having a moment here? "You hear that?" Bobby asked us.
"I don't hear anything." I replied with a frown after listening to silence for a minute or two.
"Exactly." Bobby growled before getting up and rushing from the room.
I clicked on at the same time Dean did, both of our faces turning hard and worried. I followed Dean at a run down the two flights of stairs and into the basement. There was nothing, Sam had gone. I had no idea how, the door had been locked from the outside and the room was houdini proof. He must have had some kind of help. My guess was Ruby, but how? Bobby's place was so protected against demons that it was almost a fortress.
The three of us looked at each other before all together we ran back up the stairs and out into the junk yard.
Dean motioned with his head that he was going right, that Bobby was to go left and that I was to carry straight on. I nodded and ran, making sure as I did to keep my eyes and ears open.
I slowed down as I moved deeper into the Labyrinth of cars gone by, my footsteps echoing down the narrow aisles, my gun out at the ready. I'm not entirely sure why I did that, it wasn't like I was gonna shoot Sam, but I needed some protection, I felt that in my gut.
I could hear nothing, but the horrible feeling I had of being watched and the hairs rising on my arms told me that something was off. Someone was near here. I didn't ignore those feelings anymore, didn't ignore my intuition, I relied on it. It was normally right.
A car started a few aisles over, an awful shrieking noise that told me the car wasn't in the best working order ever.
Sam. I knew it instinctively. However if Sam was over there, who was here with me? Who was following me? I'd have to work that one out later.
I started flat out sprinting to the end of my alley, turning left just in time to see a clapped out mini van speeding out of the gates a few yards away. "Shit!" I called, my shoulders dropping and my gun falling to my side.
"Bobby!?" I heard Deans startled cry and turned back down where the car had come from, my heart picking up a familiar worried rhythm.
When I reached them Bobby was just coming round, a lump appearing on his forehead, blood seeping slowly from a wound on his head. Sam had done this. Sam, the person least likely to ever hurt anyone. He really did need saving.
"Sam.." Bobby managed to croak out sounding hurt and not quite with it. He looked like he might have had a concussion.
"B, help me." Dean grunted at me as he lifted Bobby from the ground. I put the older man's arm around my shoulder and helped to half drag him back to the house, and Bobby was no lightweight that was for sure.
By the time we'd got Bobby settled at the dinning table, a cold drink in front of him and an ice pack on his head, he'd come round for real.
"How we gonna track Sam?" He asked sounding a hell of a lot better.
"I've got an idea." I said while pulling out my phone. I'd been thinking of ways to help while we were dragging Bobby's ass back here. Anything to take my mind off the way my muscles screamed in protest at the large weight. Not that I'd ever tell him that, I valued my knee caps way too much.
"I can do it." Dean said before going over to a laptop and dragging it to him. "There's nothing I don't know about that kid."
"He'll be doing his best to avoid you. I've got a new secret weapon though, and I guarantee you they'll have found Sam by the morning." I said back, keeping my voice neutral and avoiding looking at the man. My heart stuttered with pain everytime I did.
"What?" Dean asked looking up to me.
"Trust me k?" I just said with a small smile while dialling the number and putting the phone on speaker.
"Dr. Bad speaking, what's up?" The familiar voice drawled at me from down the line.
"Hey dude, got another missing person for you, but I need this one ASAP if ya can?" I asked with another smile as I imagined Ash sat rolling his eyes at me and flipping his mullet back.
"Too easy Hot Stuff, I thought you'd have a challenge for me." Ash said.
"Nope, but it's a rush job and I'll buy you another ten brewskies for it. Just tell Ellen I'm good for it."
"Sweet. So who is it?" Ash asked.
"It's Sam." I replied in a small voice.
"Ok, what you got for me, anything?" Ash asked, down to business now, I could hear him tapping away on something, probably a computer, in the background.
"He drove off in a blue, beat up mini van, and he's avoiding even the Dean radar, so he won't be using his normal aliases, probably something generic like John Smith." I told Ash with equal seriousness.
"As soon as he holes up somewhere I'll give ya a ring hot stuff. And I'll tell Ellen about the brewskies." I could hear the smile in his voice. "I best see you soon then ya hear me?"
"I hear ya, doctor bad. Now shove off and find my missing people!" I laughed before ending the call.
"Hot stuff?" Dean asked me with a frown, his arms crossed in front of him and his mouth down turned. I didn't get the problem.
"He'll have found Sam as soon as he checks in somewhere." I reassured both men around the table.
"Yeah sure." Dean growled at me.
"Hey! What's with the 'tude dude?" I snapped, I'd only been trying to help save Sam and I got that Dean was stressed beyond belief but I so didn't need to be on the end of his mood.
"You sit up there in your room sobbing like your heart's broken and looking like you're about to top yourself! Then you ring some random dude up who starts calling you 'hot stuff'! Yeah, you're really cut up sweetheart!" Dean was almost shouting at me, his voice was not just angry but hurt as well. At least he'd explained his crazy for me.
"Dean, I met that guy two days ago at the Roadhouse, he's a friend, kind of, and he has a damn mullet! I couldn't even look at another guy right now! And if you don't care about me then why the hell do you give a shit?" I raised my voice right back.
"A mullet?" Bobby questioned quietly his face screwed up as though he were trying to solve a quadratic equation.
"Two days and he's already calling you hot stuff and saying he best see you soon hey? Wow, some fast moves you must have pulled there B!" Dean snarled at me.
"I haven't done anything D! I haven't touched another man! You're the one that screwed me over not the other way around so don't make out like I'm the big bad bitch here dude! You left me remember! You did that! I tried to get you to stay, I even told you how I felt but you wanted nothing to do with me! So even if I had jumped on someone else -which I haven't - then how dare you make me out to be the crappy person here Dean!" I was furious, and trying so hard not to start crying again.
"I left so that you'd have a normal life! So that you could have a real relationship, a real happy ever after and all that other crap!" Dean shouted back at me, he stood up now, his anger obviously at boiling point.
"I didn't want a normal life! I'm never gonna have a normal life! I've told you that! But instead of listening to me, you decided you knew what was best for me! You're just like him! You're just like Edward! Except in his own twisted way at least Edward loved me!" I was on my feet now as well, my hands leant on the table as I shouted out my abuse at the man who I'd thought was the other half of me.
"So you'd rather I was like your ex? The one who tried to rape you? Get real B!"
Red flashed hard deep within me, a burning anger that made me react before I thought. And react I did. I pulled my fist back and threw it forward over the table that seperated us. My fist connected with Deans cheek. Hard.
His eyes showed hurt, both phyiscal - it had been one hell of a punch - and emotional. Then his eyes flashed as hard as mine had, his hand raised in a fist, ready to strike me right back.
"Enough!" Bobby shouted out, his voice as furious as Deans and mine were. "That's enough, now sit back down and shut up! The both of you!" Dean and I automatically followed the order from Bobby who was red in the face after a second of staring hard at each other. "Now we've obviously got an out of hand doctor Phil moment going on here, but we've also got a rouge hunter who's addicted to demon blood, and a man who's sprung back to life just to help Bella! I don't know about you igits but I think we better solve the last two clues first okay!?"
"What do you mean a man sprung back to life?" Dean asked Bobby, the snap still in his voice.
"A mullet, a man who calls himself doctor bad, who's at the Roadhouse with Ellen and can find Sam in little over a day? C'mon it shouldn't have taken you this long Einstein!" Bobby growled at Dean while I just frowned, I was pissed off and I didn't get what Bobby was on about.
"Hang on you mean..?" Dean muttered looking both happy and awestruck.
"Got there soon enough." Bobby replied with an eye roll.
"Ash?" Dean asked.
"What about him?" I muttered with my arms crossed.
"Ash, Ash is the guy who called you hot stuff? Who's helping to find Sammy?" Dean asked me sharply.
"Yeah, so?"
"So, Ash is dead B." Dean stated sounding angry again.
"No, he's not. He's at the Roadhouse with Ellen, and very much alive." I said slowly, had Dean gone mad or did he just think that I was making friends with ghosts now?
"Ring him back!" Dean ordered me.
I raised my eyebrows and folded my arms again, hell no was I doing anything when told to in that tone of voice.
"Like living with a bunch of damn crazy chicks." Bobby muttered while taking out his phone and ringing someone. He left the room talking to someone on the other end of the line, shooting Dean and me a warning glare before he left. I felt like a kid being told to play nice.
"So... You been at the Roadhouse then?" Dean asked me sounding casual.
"What, you wanna make small talk now?" I snapped.
"I don't want Bobby to blast us full of buckshot if he hears us arguing again." Dean replied, his voice even again. Fine if he was gonna take the high road then so was I.
"For the last couple of days yeah, I stayed with Ellen. Seems like you've had a more eventful time of it though." My voice was genuinely sad for Dean as I said the last bit, he must have been going through hell and for that I did feel bad for him. Of course I'd been going through my own hell, but a little more on the selfish side of things.
"You could say that. Yeah." Dean replied, all of the fight leaving him for real this time.
"What happened?" I asked gently.
"Cas woke me, said he had something important to tell me. Yada yada, I found Sam drinking blood from a demon before he exorcised one in front of me with his mind. I dragged his ass back here and the rest you know." Dean said, trying so hard for casual but coming out beat and tired.
"I leave you two alone for a couple of weeks and look what happens! You're wrecks without me." I joked with a small smile, the only way to get through to Dean was with humour, that was the only way I'd bridge the gap right now. It was a bit like putting a piece of rope over the Grand Canon and calling it a freeway but it was a start.
"Like you did much better sweetheart? At least we stayed free of the Lynard Syknard rodies." Dean said back with almost a smile.
"Nah you just got woken up by Agent Smith in angel form." I cracked back with a wink.
Dean chuckled back a little. "First time I've done that in what feels like forever." He said to me in a low and serious voice.
"What? Got verbally taken down a peg or two? Cause I find that hard to believe you know?" I quipped, not really comfortable with how Deans voice had turned on me, I saw danger signs approaching and wanted to jump off here.
"No, laughed." Dean said his voice almost a whisper.
"You're choice D." I said back in a low voice. He'd chosen that, chosen this. This was his fault and I wasn't having his misery on my shoulders, I had my own and that was heavy enough.
"B, about what you said?" Dean asked me, sounding a little worried.
"What bit?" I asked.
"About Edward actually loved you..." My heart hammered hard against my chest, the blood drained from my face. I hoped to god that Dean wasn't going to go where I thought he was.
"Yeah?" I almost whispered, dread, hope and naeousia running through me.
"He... He... He wasn't the only one." Dean sounded like he was actually choking on his words. My heart leaped into my throat, so hard that I felt like I was going to be sick.
"What do you mean?" I asked, I thought I knew, but I had to be sure. Was Dean saying what I thought he was? And if he was, then why, why did he just leave. Just like that? And I wasn't buying the whole I did what I thought was best for you bullshit, I could hear that it wasn't the real reason, I could hear the lie in his voice.
"You know what I mean B." Dean stared into my eyes, effectively dazing and hypnotising me. "I... I lov.."
"That's Ash alright! And he's got a lead on Sam already, get your stuff you're heading through North Dakota until Sam actually stops." Bobby interuppted the most important moment of my entire life. I wanted to just tell him to piss off back into the other room for five minutes or so.
As I went back upstairs to grab my bag though I came to the relisation, even if Dean did confess his love for me, then what did it change? Nothing that was what. He'd still left me, he'd still not wanted me. Love just made that worse, not better. I didn't know if my heart could stand to hear those words, not when after we'd found Sam and I was going it on my own. Not when in a couple of days he was out of my life once more. Not when I'd be left with a hole in my chest again. Love just made that worse.
So I hope you enjoyed that chap :) let me know what you thought. Love always Tametiger xx