Chapter 43.

As soon as Sam's text appeared, saying, "Come back. Dean's fine." Cas nodded to Jack and they carried the water back to the clearing. Jack and Sam dealt with the fire and Cas took an oblique approach to Dean, as if stalking a wary prey animal. "Good morning." he said, staying about ten feet away.

"It's okay." said Dean, "I'm nice and sane this morning."

"You were sane last night, too."

"I really wasn't." said Dean. Cas wished he could take away the guilt in Dean's eyes. He knew that Dean had not forgotten anything he had said when the fear of angels was getting to him.

"It's all forgotten." he said.

"I happen to know you remember everything."

"I'd say all forgiven, but you know there was nothing to forgive."

"I wish I could say it won't happen again." said Dean.

"It almost certainly will." said Cas, "And it won't be your fault then, either."

Dean looked at Jack, happily busy with Sam. Cas found himself smiling. There was no hostility in the glance. "How's he doing?" said Dean.

"He's doing fine." said Cas, "I think he had a good time last night."

"Every kid needs a few campfires." said Dean.

"I enjoyed it too, once you rejoined the party."

Dean turned to watch Sam, carefully soaking the embers of the fire, raking them out with a shovel from the trunk, taking apart the makeshift couches on which they had spent the night, removing all trace. John Winchester must have taught them that and now Sam was explaining the need for it to Jack, who hung on his every word. Cas watched them and then looked at Dean's shoulders, upright and alert, making the transition from the camaraderie of the night to the loneliness of every single day. He could feel Dean backing away inside, not from hatred or fear, this time, but simply because Dean Winchester did not lean on anyone unless he happened to be dying.

Another great Winchester myth, that the strong stand alone. Cas wondered whether he could stop the inevitable slide back into solitary suffering. He decided he had to try.

"Do you trust me?" he said.

"Yes." said Dean, without hesitation.

"Well, that's more certainty than I was expecting."

"For now, I'm in control." said Dean, "The real me, not that pathetic mess Michael left behind. The real me trusts you, always."

"Both are you. It's you and you, fighting it out. Same old story every time." said Cas.

"Which do you think will win?"

"The one with the sense to accept allies." said Cas.

Dean shrugged. "Hard to involve allies in a fight that's taking place inside your head."

"Also pretty tough if you think asking for help is a sign of weakness."

"You know it's not that."

"I know it is that. Praying is like begging. Admitting you need us is tantamount to declaring yourself helpless. And yet, when I've asked you for help, you've always given it and never despised me for asking."

"I already had the 'You're not doing this alone.' speech from Sam. Well, maybe I can do this alone. You've underestimated me before."

"Of course you can do it alone." said Cas, "You survived forty years of Hell alone. Nobody is doubting your strength or ability."

"Well, then ... "

"You could walk back to the bunker alone," said Cas, "But it's a long walk and you'd be stupid to do it when you have the Impala."

"For you, that's a good metaphor."

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"No, I'm being impressed. Take the compliment."

"Gladly and gratefully, if it's not just your way of distracting me from the matter at hand." said Cas.

"When does anything ever distract you?" said Dean.

Cas nodded. "I know. I'm annoyingly focused most of the time. I understand why you and Jules hate angels."

"I told you, this me doesn't hate you. Other angels maybe ... some of them have it coming."

"Agreed."

"I don't hate you. Well, sometimes now I do, but I don't want to."

"Thanks for fighting it. It means a lot to me."

Dean looked a little confused, or perhaps uneasy.

Cas stepped back. "How do you feel?" he said.

Dean considered for a moment and then nodded. "I'm okay. We're okay."

Cas stepped cautiously forward, keeping his hands by his sides. He took another step, then another, but froze as he saw Dean's shoulders tense.

"Damn it!" said Dean.

"Not your fault." said Cas, stepping back.

Dean breathed deeply and relaxed. Then a look of determination came over his face. "Screw Michael and all angels!" he said.

"All?" said Cas.

"All but one." said Dean, starting to walk towards Cas.

"Dean, you don't need to ... "

"Or all. I'm fine with all." said Dean, stopping a few feet from him.

Cas raised his hands in surrender. "Okay. I just thought you shouldn't put too much pressure on yourself."

"Pressure is what gets things done." He took another step forward. "No stinkin' archangel is gonna choose my friends for me." Another few steps followed and they were less than two feet apart. "There? See? I can beat this!"

"Yes, you can, nobody doubts that."

"I did, but I'm getting hopeful now." said Dean.

"And do you want to do it alone?" said Cas.

"It's not a matter of what I want."

"That is exactly and only what it is." said Cas.

"Sam didn't sleep last night."

"And you think knowing you're shutting him out, yet again will gently lull him to Slumberland?"

"Listen, smartass ... "

"Why is smartass more of an insult to you than dumbass?" said Cas.

Dean turned to look at his brother again. "He's tired. He thinks he can hide it, but not from me."

"Watching you refuse our help is exhausting." said Cas.

"I haven't refused your help. You're both making it very difficult to refuse your help."

"Clearly, we need to make it impossible."

"When we go up against Michael ... "

"We'll need to work as a team. If you can't trust me or Jack, we'll lose. To fight alone is to fail. You know that." said Cas.

"Okay, now both mes hate you." said Dean, but the slight curl of the corners of his mouth said he was lying.

"Well, I'm happy to have helped you find inner peace." said Cas.