Chapter 54.
Cas was not sure how long he had been lying dazed, but happy on the bed. The nervous system of his borrowed body was lit up like a firework display and his aura was full of dancing colours. He had never felt so little disconnect between his angelic essence and his human vessel and he had never felt so complete, so loved and so at peace.
He felt a thousand weird impulses, to laugh, to dance, to throw away all fear and make love to Jules at once ... but he just lay there, unfocused eyes seeing the ceiling through the swirl of colours.
Jules was looking at him, her brow furrowed. He wondered if her other lovers had been less affected by the power of her touch and skill of her kisses. Maybe they had been able to speak sooner, or more coherently and so she had been unsettled by his random happy noises and the way his eyes chased invisible lights around the room.
"Well, that was better than sex." he said.
"No it wasn't." she said, but she looked relieved as she brushed the hair out of his eyes.
"It was better than sex with April." he said.
"Sex with me is better." she said.
He grinned. "Yes. Everything with you is better."
"How's your mind doing now?" she said.
"It's thinking a lot about how good you look naked, but it does that a lot, these days. Apart from the flashing lights, it seems to be working normally."
"The lights did flicker a bit." she said.
"No. These lights were not electrical. Things spark in my aura when ... " He laughed. "What was I saying?"
"Something about your aura?" she said.
"Whole sections of my vocabulary are shot through with silver ribbons of happiness." he said, "And I have no idea if any of the things I just said are actual words."
"They're words. Whether they were the words you intended ... "
"Best words? Most perfect words? I love you. I love you, Jules."
"I love you too, my joy-drunk, fallen angel." she said. She kissed him and he responded eagerly, his whole body reacting to the kiss as if what had gone before had set every nerve on high alert.
As soon as his lips were free, they started gabbling, pleading, without giving his brain any time to approve the words. "Don't leave me. Don't stop loving me. Without you ... "
"I'm going nowhere." she said, stroking his chest until he became calmer. When he stopped talking, she said softly, "Every time we get closer, you start thinking of how this could end. I'll admit, my death seems like a pretty firm ending to it, but we don't know for sure. We have until then to find a way to stop that ending it. Whatever happens, I promise, it's only death that can stop it."
"Never die!" he said.
"Not if I can avoid it." she said.
She kissed him again. This time, he silenced the many fears that awoke in his heart and focused on the moment. He breathed in the fragrance of her hair, the faint, subtle aroma of her warm flesh. When her lips left his, he said, "I was afraid seeing me unclothed might be disappointing for you."
She looked along his body from head to foot and smiled lasciviously. "Oh, Castiel, you can forget any concerns about that. There is nothing disappointing here."
"Nothing?" he said.
"My eyes love you as much as my heart does." she said, "I know this has been overwhelming for you. If you need some time alone, I understand."
"No, please. Overwhelm me some more." he said, "I've shown, I think, that I can survive intense moments of intimacy and some powerful stimulation."
She smiled. "That's it. Talk wordy to me."
"Of course, if you want to stop, we can stop. This has to be at a pace that suits you as well as me."
"Your pace is just fine for me." she said, "I like taking things nice and slow."
He found himself watching her lips, remembering how gently they had made the acquaintance of the more sensitive areas of his anatomy and feeling again the tenderest caresses of her tongue. His body subtly reminded him that it was ready to relive the experience any time he was. She noticed too and her smile grew broader.
"Look at the power I have over angels!" she said.
"I apologise for the base instincts of my vessel." he said.
"Your vessel has nothing to apologise for." she said, "But Dean will be back soon and you'll want to check on him, which will be awkward, if you're lying naked here, getting all spun out on sex."
"You're right. I must exercise some self-control." he said, trying desperately not to think about that agile and enthusiastic tongue.
"The night is ours." she said.
"You never ask me to choose between you and the Winchesters."
"I know who you'd choose." she said.
"I'm not sure I do."
"Duty or love, brotherhood or romance? Of course you know. And I accept it. I love a servant of light. I love a warrior who will always protect the world and those who matter most to it. And also, you will follow Dean, your personal messiah, wherever he goes and because I know you wouldn't be you if he hadn't taught you to feel and to love and to think for yourself, I know it's no bad thing that you want to be there for him."
"My messiah?"
"Do you deny it?"
"No, I just don't really think of it in those terms."
"I wish I could do more for Dean. If all I can do is let you go to him without feeling you're letting me down, then I am happy to do it."
"And you never feel I'm letting you down?"
"Never." she said, "You love me too."
"Yes and more, in some ways."
"But not in others. Which is fine."
"Do you think we have time for one more overwhelming before they get back?"
She laughed. "I knew you'd like this way of kissing. You can tell Dean about this, by the way."
"I don't think I can." he said, "Especially not right now."
"Well, that's up to you. Now, Cas, before anything else fries your brain, I want you to lock this in there. I love you and I never want to lose you."
He smiled. "I love you too, beautiful hunter."