Chapter 66.
Sam had called Sarah first and she had been delighted with Dean's progress and his determination to continue it. She gently hinted that now might be a good time for Sam to visit the farm and he had reminded her that Dean had asked him to stick around.
He knew he could as easily have gone to see her at night, when Dean would be in his room. Sarah hardly, after all, kept office hours, but she took his refusal well. She knew he genuinely feared to leave Dean without his support, even when he should be asleep and the fact that she knew avoiding discussion of his own issues was at least an equal factor but chose not to call him out on it increased his love for her even more.
After that, he had sought his mother out in the library and given her a less detailed, but equally honest account of all that had happened. Seeing her furrowed brow soften back to loving interest, from full-on worry, was a fine reward. "I'm so glad he has you." she said.
"I'm glad he wants me to help." said Sam, "By the way, you didn't tell him Cas was sulking earlier, did you?"
"He wasn't. Dean seemed to think he was avoiding him, but I never said that."
Sam nodded. "I guess we can't expect miracles. Everything is being fed through a very negative filter."
"Yes and still Dean is overcoming it."
He smiled at her. "True."
"I've noticed that he always seems to assume the worst. I know this is more than his usual pessimism, but he does read something negative into almost everything."
"Yes, he can be like that." said Sam, "I think we both can. Life has just punched us in the face once too often for us to be positive all the time, but we try. We do try."
"And Castiel is the same. Everything is a criticism or a dismissal. If I say 'Good morning!' wrong, he replies politely and then turns and leaves."
"He carries around a very negative opinion of himself and no matter what we say, there's always a part of his mind saying he means nothing to anyone. That's why Jules is so good for him. She has a real instinct for his negative self-talk and she'll address it directly. There's a real honesty between them and when she says she loves him, he mostly believes it." He chuckled. "He still doesn't understand it, but he believes it."
She was about to answer when Bobby came into the library and, seeing them, came over. He looked uncomfortable and Sam had a feeling he knew what Bobby wanted to discuss.
"I was hoping to find you two." he said, "I think we should talk."
"About?" said Sam.
"About your brother. And before you knock me down for the sake of Winchester pride, I'm not saying he's not up for the fight. I know as well as anybody, Dean can and will fight to his last breath and still win. I mean no disrespect to him at all, but I think it could be better for him if we sideline him a little right now. So, you wanna tell me what kind of state he's in and what the plan is?"
Sam nodded. It was a fair question. "Officially, Dean is back and ready for action."
"And off the record?" said Bobby.
Sam hesitated. He glanced at his mother, who nodded her support.
"Off the record, if Michael turns up, Dean is frontline. We'd have to kill him to keep him out of that fight, but apart from that, I want as little pressure on him as possible. He's going through some stuff."
"Of course he is. Angel infestation is a nightmare. Archangels are even worse. I've seen former vessels catatonic. I've seen 'em howling mad. I can't imagine what one of those things does to your head. And yet, if I were asked who in this bunker had been an archangel's meat puppet, Dean would not be the one that sprang to mind. He fakes normal very well."
"Yes, he does." said Sam, "And we have to let him do this his way."
"Is there someplace he could go?" said Bobby, "Here, with everyone watching him ... That would drive me crazy and he's been through a lot worse than I ever have."
"For now, at least, he wants to be here. If that changes, we'll figure something out. It would help a lot if you could distract people from taking too much of an interest."
"Gotcha. Anyone starts asking questions, I'll remind them, this is Dean Winchester we're talking about. You only have to look at him to know he's on top of his game. I'll push the legend, hard. Jules won't be fooled, but you're keeping her in the loop anyway, right?"
"Actually, Dean is. He and Jules ... they understand each other. He's being more open with her than with most."
"And how's he being with you?" said Bobby, with obvious concern for him.
Sam smiled in way he hoped would put Bobby's mind at ease. "Actually, he's being very honest with me. It feels like we're on the same team this time."
Bobby looked into his eyes for a moment and then nodded. "You two have really only had each other for most of your lives, right?"
"And Castiel." said Sam, "And other you."
"Oh yeah, him. He was pretty great."
"I never met a Bobby Singer I didn't like." said Sam.
"Neither did I." said his mother, "Though I've only met one."
"This is your army," said Bobby, "And you know I will never try to take your place with them or undermine your command, but holding your brother above the flames could be a full-time job and if you ever need me to lead the grunts so you can focus on your family, you say the word."
"Thanks. Bobby," said Sam, "I think Dean would see that as a dereliction of duty, because he never thinks I should put him first in anything, but knowing I can count on you means a lot. Like I said, we have zero chance of deflecting him from the big fight, but if you can keep the hunts below his radar, that'll give him time. A little time could be all he needs."
"I hope he knows what a good brother he has." said Bobby.
Mary patted Sam's arm. "Oh, believe me, he does." she said.
"I know neither of you boys is superhuman," said Bobby, "And you could need some back-up at any time, in any way. Just know it's here, when you do."
"The not being superhuman thing ... " said Sam.
"Don't worry. They won't hear it from me."