Chapter 15

Sorry (Is the Hardest Word)

oOo

Friday, 17 January 2025

More than two weeks passed since the last time Dave spoke to Kurt, and it was a day that Dave could hardly get out of his head.

He spent the first week stewing in anger, though his feelings were due to Travis rather than Kurt. Dave had all but forgotten his words to Kurt once he discovered his ex's infidelity. But with the second week came the depression and the guilt when he finally remembered the three-word retort Kurt spat at him with more contempt than anything he might have deserved to say to him when he was the subject of his bullying.

"Fuck you, Karofsky."

Two bouts of snowfall came, melted, and came again, and he had yet to speak two words to the man since hearing those three. Seeing Kurt was another story. Three days after he kicked Travis to the curb, he decided to channel his unbridled rage in the healthiest way he knew how- by working out.

He was lucky the gym at his apartment was so big, considering it was the first week of New Year's and he assumed the gym would be packed full of people trying to accomplish their newfound resolutions that usually revolved around getting fit. Yet, it had been pretty much vacant aside from the handful of people on the upper balcony using the treadmills and ellipticals. One individual was particularly familiar. He realized, much to his dismay, that he should have gone to the gym while Kurt was at work so he wouldn't have to see him. But he wasn't thinking clearly, and he only had his anger to blame.

oOo

He saw him there on the balcony as soon as he walked in like his eyes were drawn to him even from across the room. His hair was limp for once, and clinging to the sweat on his forehead. He wore loose gray sweats that were cinched snug around his slender waist, and the black tank top was a stark contrast to his pale, toned arms.

Dave looked away sharply, but not quick enough. Kurt's head already swiveled towards his. The man stumbled and caught himself on the bars of the treadmill. He looked away, his cheeks pink with embarrassment rather than the exertion.

Dave strode to the other side of the room as he placed the buds in his ears and the music turned on. He had a polarizing "favorite songs" playlist, as he enjoyed almost all genres. His songs ranged from country to rock and indie to hip-hop. And as much as he enjoyed his music while working out, he rarely paid attention to it. In a way it helped him dissociate from his feelings, feeling lighter than he did before.

Today, however, he could feel the burning sensation in his stomach as a rather fitting song reverberated in his ears. He couldn't remember the artist by name, only that he liked his dark tone and twang of his guitar. And, more than anything, the song reminded him of Travis, which was even better.

Cause he's still coming around like an injured bird needing a nest

A place to rest his head in a song you'll regret

Dave didn't bother warming up or stretching his muscles and he knew he would regret it the next day. What mattered was the physical pain that would distract him from the emotional. Instead, he grabbed the pair of twenty-five-pounders and sat down on the bench to begin his bicep curls.

Still, you take him, Lord knows I don't want to compete

Still, I sleep in the very sheets he's been in

He never realized how much football and hockey provided an outlet for his anger when he was a teen - the smacking into people, the adrenaline rush, and the sheer exhaustion from the excitement of each game... Regardless of the knee injury he received while playing hockey in college, he no longer could use it to cope. Instead, he had turned to therapy, writing, and once he had healed up enough, exercise.

Swallow him whole like a pill that makes you choke, it steals your soul

You have the nerve to look me in the eyes and lie

Send him back, I won't share the trap that you have me in

It didn't take long for Dave to feel the sweat dripping down the back of his neck from the exertion. He stood up to do a standing chest fly. He breathed in and checked his posture and stance in the mirror. And that is when he saw the reflection of the figure behind him, making his way to the door.

Dave covertly watched Kurt wipe his reddened face with a towel. As he threw it over his shoulder, Dave didn't miss the glance that was directed his way and the sad blue eyes. Dave exhaled shakily as their eyes locked and Dave had to remind himself that he was holding heavy iron weights and dropping them would be very bad. And he nearly did when he saw what could be nothing less than a hesitation in Kurt's step before he turned his head and completed his path towards the exit.

Dave clenched his teeth, the rage towards Travis subsiding into the guilt he felt towards Kurt that continued till this day.

oOo

Dave exhaled at the memory, his breath visible in the form of condensation in the air. It finally stopped snowing two days before, which meant it was relatively safe to go for a run through the park without falling. He pulled his beanie down to cover his ears to better keep the heat in. He broke out into a jog, being mindful of the areas of the sidewalk still slick from the melted snow. The playground equipment, however, still had a dusting of snow, like frosting on a gingerbread house. The grass was still blanketed with a layer of white.

Dave already jogged a few laps around the park when he paused on the corner of 64th Street, southwest of his apartment building, to catch his breath. The sun was already starting to dip in the sky, signaling to Dave it was nearly time to head inside.

Figuring he had enough time for one or two more laps, he stretched his arms above his head, lacing his fingers behind his neck to help with the burning cramp in his side. Just as he was about to take off once more, a cab pulled up and out stepped Kurt Hummel, who pulled his black pea coat tight around his waist like it would protect him from the bracing cold. Dave stared transfixed, unbeknownst to the other man, as he shut the door and the cab drove away. The breeze caught Kurt's fringe, making it flutter at his temple.

Kurt pulled out his phone and looked at the screen, a frown lingering on his face. Dave couldn't help but wonder selfishly if the frown was a result of yet another day going by without receiving a text from him, which had become a daily occurrence before their falling out at New Year's.

Squaring his shoulders in preparation for a lashing, Dave slowly began to make his way towards the man who was still unaware of his presence.

His mind was made up. He needed to apologize. But after all of his screw-ups, he knew it wasn't going to be easy.

He had been on the receiving end of Kurt's ferocious tongue before and he deserved it-not that he didn't deserve it this time. It was a truly frightening experience. Dave realized long ago that it was one of the many reasons why he chose to pick on Kurt at that time. Regardless of Kurt being gay and him being closeted, it was that bravery and ability to stand up to his foes that truly scared the shit out of him.

Which was why Dave's hands trembled the closer he got to Kurt. Honestly, he didn't know what he was going to say. He just assumed Kurt would never want to speak to him again after his unwarranted comments regarding his divorce.

Kurt continued to fiddle with his phone before turning towards the sun, which was halfway below the horizon of the Hudson River, and held up his phone as if to take a photo of the picturesque view.

The only problem was Dave knowing he was smack dab in the middle of the foreground.

It would have been comical to see Kurt's eyes widen as they did if it wasn't for the glare that followed.

Dave watched Kurt's shoulders stiffen and he gave Dave a stare as frigid as the temperature. He lowered his phone and shoved it in his pocket before turning around and brusquely striding towards the crosswalk.

And it was in that moment that Dave felt something within him shatter and he knew how Kurt felt the night he turned on him.

What if Kurt never wanted to talk to him? Never wanted to see him again?

He didn't think he could imagine such a life without Kurt Hummel in it. Not after reconnecting with him after so many years. Not after having the privilege of getting to know the other man.

Dave swallowed thickly and realized just how much he missed him.

"Kurt, come on," Dave pleaded, taking after him. "I just want to talk."

Kurt said nothing, only crossed his arms, his head down.

"At least let me apologize," Dave huffed as he tried to keep up, but still kept some space between the two of them. "I should have listened to you, okay?"

Dave stopped at the edge of the park, watching Kurt push the crosswalk button. Kurt's back faced him. He knew that Kurt wasn't going to stop ignoring him, so in a moment of desperation, he did the first thing he could think of.

He grabbed a handful of snow from the edge of the park's lawn, formed it into a ball, and chucked it at Kurt's back.

Dave heard Kurt's gasp and he turned around abruptly. Kurt's teeth were clenched and his eyes were alive with fire as he pulled his own pair of Airpods out of his ears and shoved them into his front pocket so he wouldn't lose them.

"Oh shit," Dave cursed. He realized that as upset as Kurt was to see him, he wasn't outright ignoring him.

"You have got to be kidding me, David," Kurt said through gritted teeth as he stepped towards Dave threateningly. Dave was half glad Kurt wasn't nearly angry enough to remain on a last name basis, despite his expression showing otherwise.

"Well, that was one way to get your attention." Dave laughed awkwardly, trying to diffuse the tension. Kurt didn't find it as funny as he did.

"So you throw a snowball at me? What is this high school?" Kurt said angrily, scooping up a ball of snow as Dave backed his way into the park, looking around for some cover. He held his hands up in surrender just as Kurt chucked the tightly packed ball of snow at his face. Dave managed to duck just in time.

"Jesus, Kurt. I… Shit… I didn't think of that," Dave stammered taking a step back, remembering the ice-cold slushies he once threw at Kurt and his friends. Kurt continued to round on him, his cheeks pink from the cold breeze and ire. "I just wanted to talk to you."

Kurt picked up more ice, forming it into a ball as Dave hid behind a tree. Dave looked around and saw a pile of snow just ten feet away behind a bench. If he could just get to it...

Kurt huffed. Dave could see him holding the snowball up, "I know you saw me at the gym. You could have talked to me then. Why didn't you?"

"Because I don't understand why you would want to talk to me," Dave confessed as he cautiously poked his head out from behind the tree. "Because I'm still trying to figure out why you would want to be my friend when I keep fucking up. Because I know how much I hurt you that night and you should be fucking furious as me and yet I could still see in that split second at the gym that you considered talking to me when your forgiveness is the last thing I deserved." Dave exhaled, and calmly said, "But I'm still going to say it anyway: I am so fucking sorry, Kurt."

Dave breathed deeply, not realizing all the emotions he had suppressed the last two weeks, and as much as going to the gym helped relieve some of his stress, talking to Kurt was what he needed most.

Dave's head drooped and he let it rest on the bark of the tree, waiting for Kurt's final blow whether it be the snowball in his hand or his barbed words.

When neither came, he looked up.

Kurt considered him thoughtfully, before lowering the snowball.

"I know," Kurt said simply. "Now stop hiding behind that tree or I'm going to laugh at you." Kurt motioned to Dave with his head to come closer. Dave stunned with shock, staggered as he made his way towards Kurt.

"I forgive you," Kurt said carefully, holding up a threatening finger, "On one condition."

"Yeah, anything," Dave breathed, standing in front of Kurt. He welcomed the relief flooding his body.

"You're going to have to beat me at this snowball fight," Kurt said seriously, and, before Dave could register what was happening, Kurt's other hand that still clutched the snowball landed on the top of his head. Dave gasped as chunks of ice fell into the neck of his sweater causing him to wince from the cold.

"What the fuck?" Dave stammered as he tried to shake the ice out of his sweater. Kurt laughed before running toward the jungle gym hiding behind it, but not before scooping up more snow from the slide.

"Come on, Karofsky, you started this fight. Now finish it." Kurt giggled. He spoke his last name with none of the malice it held before. Dave finally managed to snap from his reverie.

"Oh, you're so on, Hummel," Dave said as he followed, picking up more snow behind the bench along the way. As he ducked down, Kurt reemerged and another ball of snow pelted him in the shoulder.

"You don't seem to be trying very hard," Kurt said in a singsong voice, his hands on his hips as he came out from his hiding place in a mocking stance. "Are you trying to go easy on me, David?" Dave took his chance and chucked the ball from his little bunker, hitting Kurt square in the chest. He spluttered.

"As you were saying?" Dave challenged.

Kurt didn't bother returning to his safe haven behind the jungle gym. Instead, he rounded on Dave, throwing handful after handful of snow at Dave as he got closer to him. Dave laughed uncontrollably at the spectacle.

"Okay," Dave said, gasping. He held his hands up again, this time in an attempt to shield his face from the icy blows. The snow melted through the fabric at his knees from where he knelt on the ground. "You win!"

Kurt stopped his assault, towering over Dave with a triumphant look on his face.

"If you don't beat me then how am I supposed to forgive you?" Kurt asked sweetly.

Dave smiled coyly at him.

"Like this," he said, grabbing Kurt around the waist and pulling them both into the pile. Kurt squealed as Dave grabbed a final handful of snow and mimicked Kurt's earlier actions as he smashed it on the top of his head.

"No, my hair!" Kurt cried, not sounding upset at all. "Really, David?" Kurt huffed as Dave caught his breath from laughing so hard. His cheeks hurt from smiling, and he wondered if he was as red as Kurt who was smiling at him from underneath his arm.

It was the mingling of their breaths that Dave noticed first, followed by Kurt's hand on his arm, and finally, his hand, still entwined in Kurt's soft locks of hair. His breath caught in his chest as he realized he was half on top of Kurt who either did not seem to notice or mind the invasion of personal space.

Dave swallowed thickly before rolling to the side away from Kurt, who was still laughing softly.

"Well, that was fun," Kurt said, turning his head to look at Dave. The snow pillowed around Kurt's dark hair.

"Yeah…" Dave said, his throat constricted and feeling like sandpaper. Dave couldn't help but stare at the contented smile gracing the man's lips, a stark pink in contrast to the rest of him. As he saw the lips moving he shook his head breaking himself out of his reverie.

"Sorry, what?" Dave asked.

"I asked if you forgive me," Kurt asked hesitantly, sounding sad. Dave turned more towards him, his brows furrowing in shock.

"I wasn't mad at you."

"You weren't?" Kurt asked in surprise.

"No. I mean… Maybe at first, but only because I was so in denial about Travis. And myself for not believing you when I knew you were right in the first place."

"Right about what?"

"About him. About how he was cheating on me and you were trying to be a good friend by warning me," Dave said thickly, turning away from Kurt and looking at the darkening sky. The streetlights around the park began to flicker on in succession, bathing them in a yellow glow.

"I didn't want to be right," Kurt said earnestly, sitting up. "I just didn't want you to go through what I went through." Dave was about to ask Kurt what he meant by that but he felt Kurt's hand slip into his gloved one and he startled, looking down.

"Jesus, Kurt, you aren't even wearing gloves. What are we doing in the snow?" Dave stood up first and then reached down for Kurt's other hand. Kurt placed it in his and Dave pulled him to his feet.

"Thank you," Kurt smiled, looking up at Dave before he pulled his hands away slowly before brushing himself off. Dave nodded, the words "you're welcome" stuck in his throat as he stared at a snowflake stuck in the man's long eyelashes. Kurt blinked and it fell to his cheek and Dave resisted the urge to brush it away. Instead, he watched it melt until Kurt looked up at him. "We should probably get home before we both freeze."

"Yeah," Dave agreed. He took Kurt's hand once but tucked it under the crook of his arm as a provision of warmth. Kurt looked at him in surprise but added his other hand as well like he was holding onto him. They walked together and Dave couldn't help but notice how Kurt learned into his side for warmth. A comfortable silence fell over them as they walked down the path towards the street together.

"You know I was going to say something to you at the gym," Kurt said softly when they stopped at the crosswalk. Dave raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"Oh?" He intoned. They waited for the illuminated red crosswalk hand to disappear and then they walked across the street.

The corner of Kurt's lip twitched upward.

"Yeah… I sort of figured you and Travis were done considering how I ran into him storming out of your apartment."

"Seriously? He didn't say anything to you, did he?" Dave asked gruffly.

"No," Kurt laughed as they made their way to the front entrance. "I may have said something to him."

Kurt let go of Dave's arm and Dave found himself already missing the comforting presence of Kurt pressed against him.

"What'd you tell him?" Dave asked curiously as he pulled the door open and held it for Kurt. Once they were inside Kurt beamed at him.

"I may have said something about him going to hell and how, once he was there, he could fuck himself. I don't know… Something like that. It all happened very quickly. And the blood pounding in my ears was a bit distracting. Plus, I was trying to say it before I closed the elevator doors on him." Kurt rambled contentedly as if he was reliving the experience of having that final, satisfying moment with Travis. Dave was well aware of that feeling. But Kurt was well… Kurt. And Dave felt a rush of gratitude sweep over him at Kurt being the one to want to protect Dave, when Dave did little to protect him once upon a time, save for his brief stint in the Bully Whips.

"What?" Kurt intoned as they made it through the lobby of their apartment to the elevators. The doors chimed open as soon as Kurt pushed the button. The other man went inside and Dave followed him. Dave quickly realized his mouth was slightly agape when he could see his reflection in the walls of the elevator and simply said to Kurt, "You are… Amazing."

"What?" Kurt said this time dubiously, looking away. He blushed as he swept the lock of damp hair away that fell onto his forehead. He pushed the button for 6 and then 7 before he looked at Dave sheepishly through his lashes.

"You heard me."

Kurt scoffed.

"And I didn't even get to tell you how I flipped him off."

Dave shook his head in amusement and he leaned against the wall.

"You also haven't told me what you wanted to tell me at the gym," Dave pointed out

The elevator chimed, stopping on Kurt's floor. Kurt smiled at Dave as he stepped out of the elevator and Dave couldn't help but move as if to follow him back to his apartment, to make up for the last two weeks he lost, to find out what it was that he wanted to say, but Kurt stopped just outside the elevator doors.

"I was going to say… You deserve so much better than him, Dave."

Dave blinked, letting Kurt's words resound in him. But couldn't think of any words that could suffice in explaining to Kurt how much that-how much he- meant to him. He hoped his expression said enough as Kurt held up a hand in farewell and the elevator doors closed in front of him.

"Oh… Shit."

Dave let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding in as he all but collapsed against the wall of the elevator. He rubbed a trembling hand over his face and he knew…

He was falling for Kurt Hummel.

Again…