A/N: Can't believe I am posting a second chapter two weeks in a row! Hope you guys like this chapter. I do love backstory. I may have mentioned this, but while I have a lot of similarities from episodes post-"Heart", it is not meant to be canon-compliant. So reading you may think "wait that didn't happen like that", it's because I haven't watched much of Season 4 or 5 and I'm just doing my own thing. Hope that makes sense!

The chapter title was loosely inspired by the song "It's Alright by Fractures". Both the song and the band name. I honestly hadn't planned on writing this chapter a month ago... It just came to me.

As always, thanks for the love and I am sorry for the ongoing frustration about the lack of smooches between Kurt and Dave. Here's to breaking the 100,000-word mark and them still not being together. I promise when it does happen you will understand why it took so long and hopefully be glad it did. I got a really fun chapter coming up that may have multiple parts. You might guess what it could be by the end of this chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter 19

Fractured then Whole

oOo

Saturday, 15 February 2025

Kurt wasn't sure how he was alive when he woke up.

His head felt as though it was split in two. He didn't even want to open his eyes. Damn him for not closing the blinds before he went to the bar.

The bar…

He could barely remember anything from the night before. He must have had a lot to drink. He hardly drank anymore, unless it was socially. He wasn't even sure what prompted him to drink that much.

Groaning, he managed to sit up in bed. No… He was on the couch. How strange.

He rubbed his face with his hands, blocking his eyes as he opened them to adjust to the brightness. Once he managed to open one of them, he was able to blearily take in his surroundings. His apartment was silent, which was good considering his terrible migraine. On the table was his phone, a glass of water, and one of his metal mixing bowls.

Where did they come from?

Squinting with one eye, Kurt reached over to grab his phone and unlocked it. Swiping down to see his notifications, he saw that he had two text messages, the first being from Dave and the second from Finn.

He pressed Finn's reply first considering the time stamp was from the night before and Dave's just two hours earlier.

"Thanks again."

Kurt frowned and wondered what Finn could be thanking him for. Scrolling up he looked at the message he sent right above.

"Got Kurt home safe. Had a lot of fun with you guys. I'm sure Kurt did too."

Unless he spontaneously decided to refer to himself in the third person, Kurt didn't know who could have sent the message.

He pressed the back button to return to the message screen and opened the one from Dave.

"How are you feeling? You're not dead are you."

Oh…

Kurt vaguely remembered the night before. He remembered how he went to the bar and that Rachel, Finn, and Dave were there. That must have meant…

Dave took care of him?

It seemed he had been doing that a lot lately.

"I feel like death." Kurt typed out. Tossing the phone on the couch next to him he leaned back in the cushions groaning. He didn't bother to look at what time it was. He knew it had to be later in the early morning.

Kurt felt his phone buzz next to him and he picked it up to read Dave's prompt reply.

"I know just the thing to help."

Kurt stared at the text, half expecting a follow-up to their conversation. When he didn't receive another text, he stood up, waddling to the bathroom to relieve himself while clutching his stomach that felt like it was going to empty itself. He was wearing the same clothes as the night before, he realized, once he had zipped up his fly and stared at his ghastly appearance in the mirror. His skin was pallid and he had dark circles under his eyes. Turning the faucet on, he washed his face and used the excess water to run his fingers through his hair, brushing it back to keep it from falling into his eyes.

He dried his hands on the hand towel and as he made his way back to the living room, he heard a soft knock at the door. Frowning, Kurt padded over to the door and looked through the peephole. It was Dave and he held something in each hand though he couldn't make out what it was due to the distortion caused by the fisheye type lens.

Kurt unlocked the door and pulled it open. Dave greeted him with a shy but knowing smile and Kurt could see now that he had two cups of coffee.

"Morning," Dave said cheerfully. Kurt groaned, leaning against the door frame and resting his head on it.

"Still a morning person, I see," Kurt grumbled, before adding, though more inquisitive than unkind, "What are you doing here?"

"Thought you could use this," Dave said, handing the cup to Kurt. "Mocha right?"

Kurt stared at the man in surprise as he held the beverage out to him before tentatively taking the cup. Their fingers grazed during the exchange and Kurt felt his stomach leap into his throat, but it had nothing to do with the alcohol from the night before.

"You know my coffee order?" he asked, stunned as he cupped the beverage with both hands. Heat radiated from the cardboard into his hands. It wasn't cold in his apartment by any means, but the heat comforted him as much as Dave's gesture.

"Yeah, it's what you ordered when we stopped at that kiosk so you could get coffee on the way to the ice skating rink, right? " Dave pointed out, then he chuckled nervously, "That's not weird is it?"

"No," Kurt said firmly before he took the tiniest sip of the coffee. It was perfect, both in temperature and taste and just what he needed. He took a drag from the little hole in the lid again, this time, humming happily.

"It's nice," Kurt said softly, staring down at it like it was something more precious than a five-dollar cup of hot bean juice with some chocolate syrup, sugar, and cream. He added, "The coffee and the fact that you remembered."

Dave smiled at him, that closed mouth smirk of a smile that made his eyes crinkle and the apples of his cheeks stand out.

"Do you want to come in?" Kurt asked, moving away from the door so Dave could come in before he even had a chance to say yes or no.

"Yeah, sure," Dave said, almost seeming surprised at the offer as if he hadn't been over numerous times before. "Hope you didn't mind me coming over."

"Maybe if you hadn't brought me this," Kurt said teasingly as he raised his cup slightly as Dave passed by him to stand in the living room. "If I did I would have slammed the door in your face, wouldn't I?"

Dave snorted, "Right… Where's that receipt again so you can pay me back." He began to pat down the pockets of the same dark denim jacket he was wearing the evening before.

"Oh…" Kurt uttered in embarrassment and then Dave started laughing. He all but collapsed on the arm of the couch, one hand clutching his coffee so it wouldn't spill, the other going to his knee.

"Kurt, I'm joking." Dave's eyes glittered with mirthful tears. Kurt stood there, pouting.

"You're the worst," Kurt harrumphed after pausing to take in the sight of Dave and his amusement. Even if he was the one being teased, it made him happy seeing Dave that happy. And because of him. He blushed, attributing it more to embarrassment and not the pleasure of being Dave's current source of happiness.

Kurt, head down and blushing, moved to sit behind Dave on the couch. Dave merely turned around, tucking his leg under him and being extremely careful not to brush his shoe against the white fabric.

"No, but seriously. Are you doing okay?"

Kurt rubbed his head, "I will be, besides feeling like my head was hit with a meat cleaver. Just trying to recall what happened the night before."

"It was a pretty interesting night," Dave began, "Considering how much you drank. You disappeared for a bit and I'm assuming you did some solo shots at the bar. And stole one of mine out from under me."

Kurt groaned and set his coffee down on the table so he could press both of his eyes with the heals of his palms.

"So now I just steal drinks from people without paying for them then?"

"Mmm..." Kurt could hear Dave pondering. "No, just me."

Kurt looked up to stare at Dave threateningly.

"Joking!" Dave held up both his coffee and hand defensively.

"Anything else embarrassing I should know about?" Kurt asked, grabbing his cup before leaning into the arm of the couch. He put his feet up and stared at Dave over the tops of his knees.

"Embarrassing, no…" Dave said, frowning. "Eventful, yes."

Kurt sighed, "I didn't give anyone a lap dance, did I? I don't know if Finn will ever forgive me for the last time I got drunk."

"What?" Dave asked, looking flabbergasted as he did a double-take while he raised the, probably black, coffee to his lip. "No," he chuckled and then took a gulp, "but let's talk more about that."

"Let's not," Kurt grumbled as he stretched his legs out in front of him and then shimmied down the couch until his head was against the arm and nudged Dave's knee with a socked foot.

"Are you gonna tell me?" Kurt whined, sticking out his lower lip. "Or do I have to kick it out of you?"

Dave looked down at the foot that Kurt continued to lightly tap him with. Dave shook his head, smirking again.

"Resorting to violence now, huh?"

Kurt pushed him again for good measure, this time he almost fell off the side of the couch and had to catch himself with his leg.

"Hey! Okay, okay," he said, relenting. Kurt withdrew his foot at Dave's concession of defeat and crossed them, ankle over ankle, on the seat feeling victorious.

"You sang on stage," Dave said simply, taking a sip of coffee this time.

Kurt could feel himself blanch. He felt like throwing up the small amount of coffee he drank. He was glad he had the empty bowl was on the table, just in case.

"And you three let me? While drunk?" Kurt asked, feeling betrayed.

"You weren't drunk yet," Dave said correcting him. He paused for a moment, studying Kurt's face with a look that could only be described as wonder before adding earnestly, "But you were incredible, Kurt."

Kurt felt his breath catch in his throat at Dave's expression. It had been so long since anyone had looked at him like that. Like they believed him in. Well, Rachel and Finn supported and believed in him. They were family. Dave was…

Dave was something else.

He looked down at the cup in his hands so he didn't have to look at Dave's penetrating gaze.

"You told me something last night," Dave said softly as he moved to sit on the couch.

"What?" Kurt said faintly, fearing the worst. He swallowed thickly and found his throat to be dry. He sat up straighter so he could bring the cup to his lips unsteadily and so Dave could sit down without crushing his feet.

"You told me you didn't sing anymore because 'Blaine was the star'. What does that even mean?"

Kurt closed his eyes, wishing he hadn't gone out drinking with the three of them. The liquor seemed to loosen his tongue considerably and made him say things he never meant to say out loud.

Kurt opened his eyes when he felt something on his knee and looked down to see that Dave had put his hand there, whether it was meant to be a soothing gesture or an attempt to get him to look up he wasn't sure. Either way, he succeeded in both ways and Kurt licked his lips. He pulled his legs up and Dave looked hurt momentarily before Kurt moved to sit on the middle cushion next to him. Kurt looked down at the minuscule space between the black fabric of his pants and the same dark blue of Dave's jeans that matched his jacket. Kurt would only have to move his leg an inch to the left and they would be touching. He managed to ignore that urge by rubbing the fabric with his hands anxiously, his palms already clammy, and he continued

"I don't like to perform anymore," he began, stating each word carefully though, try as he might, he could not keep the words from coming out as shaky and warbled. "Because I was never good enough."

He could hear Dave breathing heavily next to him and could feel him stiffen. Kurt felt the tears spring to his eyes. He had never been this vulnerable in front of Dave and the man had already been staring at him with the softest, kindest expression before he started to well up. He couldn't bear to look at him now.

"Every time, I was passed up for solos in Glee Club," Kurt all but whispered, as if not wanting to hear these painful reminders laid out before him for Dave to hear. For him to hear himself. "For weekly assignments, I had to practically beg for a chance to sing alone. I didn't get any solos for any competition. Not even at Dalton, but at least I got a duet while I was there," Kurt said, laughing humorlessly.

He could feel Dave's eyes trained on him so fiercely he had to wonder if the man was even blinking. He wondered what he was thinking. How stupid he was to be upset about something like this more than a decade later? But once he continued to rant he always found it hard to stop.

"I didn't get the lead in the play. And I didn't get into NYADA." Finally, he found the courage to look up at Dave, and as he did, tears spilled over his lower lashes and he felt them, hot and angry as they slid down his cheeks. Dave's brows were furrowed as he listened intently. Kurt could see a muscle working in his jaw.

"But you know who did get solos? Who performed at the competitions? Who got into NYADA? Blaine," Kurt could taste the venom in the words. "And… I know Rachel got all these things too but… At least she fought for me. She even tried to stuff the ballot box in my favor so I would win class president, which backfired obviously. But she tried to get people to see something in me. I was passed by, time and time again, for Blaine. And it killed me because I continued to support him as any good boyfriend should but… He never fought for me. And you know what the worst part was?"

Dave didn't answer. He just stared at him with his fierce gaze and, somehow, kind and sympathetic eyes.

"He got into NYADA, the most prestigious performing arts school in the United States, and then after a year, he withdrew. He withdrew to go to NYU with me and study psychology of all things!" Kurt laughed, the sound sounded maniacal in his ears and more tears stung his eyes. "He said he did it because he felt like we were growing apart and he wanted to be with me. I thought it was because he wanted his father's approval. To become a psychologist just like him. Make him proud." Kurt said snarkily, and then he dropped the bomb he so badly didn't want to say.

"But then I found out why he really left," Kurt choked back a sob. "He needed to get away from the guy he fucked behind my back. Who only slept with him to blackmail him by threatening to tell me about it unless he passed up the spot he was given for one of their performances. How ironic right? My cheating boyfriend passed up a chance to be in the spotlight yet again and withdrew from the school with the pretense that he wanted to be with me when he was only afraid of getting caught after realizing this guy he slept with never had feelings for him." Kurt knew the words that came out of his were a crazed, rambling mess, but he couldn't stop at this point. Not when Dave was listening to him so intently, letting him rant about something that had festered inside him for so long.

"And yet," Kurt continued on, "I still found out because the guy went through his phone and found my phone number and told me everything. And for whatever reason," he held the back of his knuckles to his lips, hating the next words that he was about to say, hating himself for being the one that made the words a reality, "I forgave him... Because in some fucked up way, even though he cheated on me, I thought "finally, he wants to fight for me… for us."

Kurt realized after the words finished spilling out of him, the tears continued as he stared at Dave who had the same expression as before, only his lips were parted like he was trying to think of something comforting to say. He always managed to find the right words to say. But before he could allow Dave to say anything, he left out a sob and he clasped a hand over his mouth as if to stifle the pain, the feelings that he kept hidden for so long. Rachel and Finn and his family knew, of course, about the cheating. But they didn't know the way he continued to suffer over it, over being picked last, being not good enough. How well he hid it all. He was always good at acting, despite whatever NYADA had to say about it.

Reliving all of these memories… It felt like his heart broke all over again. He didn't know where it all came from. Dave had merely asked him why he didn't perform anymore. He felt so embarrassed. He felt his flight response kick in. He needed to get away. So he stood up out of his seat or at least tried to, but something stopped him.

"Kurt," Dave said faintly as if he had experienced firsthand all of Kurt's emotions as he told him his story. Kurt realized that it was Dave's hand tugging on his elbow so he couldn't run away.

"I can't," Kurt cried. He was exposed. Vulnerable. He knew what he looked like when he was upset. He knew how puffy his eyes got. The way his face scrunched up. How ruddy and blotched his cheeks became. The last thing he wanted was for Dave to see him like this.

"Please, Kurt, don't..." Dave said softly. Kurt managed to free himself his elbow slipping through his grip. Dave managed to grab his hand, to try to keep him there, but he managed to pull away regretfully. He made it as far as the edge of the kitchen and he stood there, his back facing Dave. He didn't know if it was because he knew he was still trapped in the apartment with Dave and it would be fruitless to go any farther or if it was because he wanted Dave to come after him. He knew deep down it had to be the latter, as he easily could have just ordered Dave to leave after bringing up such a sensitive topic. But he didn't. He waited until he heard the footfalls coming up from behind him, curled in upon himself, shuddering.

"Kurt," he heard Dave say once more, this time in a whisper. But he did not see him, even as Dave turned him around with a gentle hand on his shoulder, as both of his hands covered his face to keep Dave from seeing his sorry state.

"It's okay," Dave said, and Kurt knew it didn't have to do with the things that happened, but rather how he felt, how he reacted, how he looked. Dave wasn't about to run away from him as he had. He accepted him, for all of his flaws and all of his weaknesses. So Kurt, in all that weakness, in all of his vulnerability that he never allowed anyone to see, that he had tried to cover the night before with alcohol, allowed Dave to pull him to his chest, and he let out a strangled sob.

It's okay," Dave said again, his large hand rubbing his back. The other held the back of his neck. It Kurt didn't know any better, the man sounded choked up himself. No words escaped Kurt this time as he bit his lip. His breathing was labored as the tears filled his palms that he used as a barrier between his face and Dave's jacket so he wouldn't leave any stains on it.

They could have stayed like that for minutes, hours, and Kurt wouldn't have known the difference. Time didn't seem to exist when he felt Dave's thumb brush against the hair at the back of his neck, when he felt his strong arms encompass him, shielding him from any past pain or new. Eventually, he felt his tears stop and his breathing slow. He could have stayed there forever, but he felt uncomfortable, and not from showing the emotions he hid for so long, but from the remnants of it on his face. He began to pull away and Dave released his reluctantly, but not before running both hands down his shoulders, arms, to his elbows that were still bent, hiding his face.

"Hang on," Dave muttered and Kurt heard and felt him go around him and into the kitchen. Kurt stayed where he was and he could hear the sound of something tearing followed by the sound of water running from the faucet briefly.

"Here," Dave said from behind him. Kurt felt pressure on the side of his arm and looked down to see a wet paper towel in Dave's hand. Kurt couldn't help but chuckle quietly before he plucked it from Dave's hand. He was moved by the gesture as well as the fact that Dave seemed to respect him enough to allow him the privacy to clean himself up.

"Thank you," Kurt said after blowing his nose. He sounded stuffy and miserable, but somehow he felt better than he had in a long time. After the divorce, he wondered why he felt so… Fine… He just chalked it up as him knowing that the marriage was steadily collapsing, but the fact of the matter was that he was always so used to keeping things tamped down until the feelings bubbled over.

"Are you alright?" Dave asked gently, before quickly adding, "Sorry… Stupid question."

Kurt wiped his cheeks once more with the unused side of the towel and hoped he looked somewhat decent before he turned around to face Dave. He knew how he must have looked, but he didn't care. And he knew Dave wouldn't either. Dave was looking down and had his hands in his pockets like he didn't know what to do with them. Kurt couldn't help but think, maybe he wanted to hold him again?

"No," Kurt said and Dave looked up and stared at Kurt like it was his first time seeing him. His eyes glanced up and down as if making sure he was okay. As if the pain he had shed were physical injuries that had needed tending to. Kurt smiled, "Not a stupid question."

Dave nodded slowly.

"It means a lot that you asked. And that you're here. And that you listened to me rant," Kurt smiled weakly. "I feel kind of silly now."

Kurt stepped towards Dave, this time on his own volition rather than Dave coaxing him into being comforted, and he slid into Dave's arms like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Dave wrapped his arms around Kurt and Kurt pressed his cheek into the rough fabric of Dave's jacket. He hated that his nose was too stuffed to inhale Dave's usual scent that was as warm and comforting as the hugs he gave. Kurt let his eyes drift close. He was exhausted despite having just woken up and his head pounded from his crying as well as his hangover. But at that moment, he still felt better, happier than he had in years. Even before his divorce from Blaine.

"Just so you know…" Dave began as Kurt listened to the rumble of his voice. He resumed making the circles with his hand on his back. "You're the best singer I ever heard."

Kurt smiled, "I find that hard to believe, but… Thank you."

"What are friends for?" Kurt heard Dave say and he felt his smile slip. He felt like there was a rubber band inside him that snapped. Unlike the deluge of tears that came forth earlier like water bursting from a dam, the band stung-a sharp, radiating pain in the center of his chest. He didn't know why that term hurt so much, especially when he was so happy to consider Dave as such.

Suddenly, like that imaginary rubber band had sent a shockwave through his system, triggering his synapses in his nervous system, the memories from the night before came rushing back. Him, all but running to the bar to grab a few shots to numb his pain, his performance on stage, the way Dave watched him perform like he was the most majestic thing he had ever seen, Dave offering to take him home and… Did… Did he really say that he loved Dave? He meant as a friend… Obviously.

Just how Dave felt about him.

"Right," Kurt said, pulling away from Dave and plastering a smile on his face. He took a step back and found himself wanting to look anywhere but Dave. He wondered if he had any tears left in him as much as he wondered why he would need to shed any more.

"I don't know about you," Dave began, his voice suddenly upbeat like when he had arrived. "But I'm fucking starving. Do you want to go get something to eat?"

"I…" Kurt somehow found the strength to look at Dave. He knew Dave could sense his hesitation and Kurt saw his smile slip a little. He felt horrible. "Maybe some other time. I think I need to get some more rest. Maybe take some Ibuprofen."

"Oh, yeah, that's fine," Dave said quickly, understanding as always despite the obvious pang of hurt at the rejection. "You need your rest."

"Yeah," Kurt agreed as he began to walk to the door and Dave followed him, but then Dave stopped abruptly.

"Oh shit, I almost forgot," Dave said, pulling an envelope from his back pocket, it was slightly wrinkled from having sat on it. "I wanted you to give this to Finn and Rachel."

Kurt looked at the blank envelope suspiciously.

"What is it?" he asked curiously. Dave looked sheepish.

"I don't know if they had their baby shower yet, but… I wanted to give this to them. It's…" He sighed. "It's plane tickets."

"Plane tickets?" Kurt asked, taking the envelope like it was going to bite him.

"Yeah… Before Travis and I broke up I had booked a flight and an Airbnb in Florida. Honestly, I'd rather not go alone. And I was talking to Rachel and Finn last night and… It really meant a lot that they didn't mind me being there. That they would give me another chance after how I treated them in high school. Rachel even said that she thought we could be friends," Dave laughed like the notion was the most absurd thing in the world. "I would never have imagined that woman ever saying those words to me, let alone me wanting to accept that offer."

"So yeah," Dave said with a nonchalant shrug. "I figured they could use these more than me, considering their baby is on the way. Honestly, it's not a big deal," he added at the look on Kurt's face. Kurt's mouth was agape. Plane tickets were expensive, after all. "They should relax while they have the chance before she pops."

Kurt stared at Dave incredulously, then back at the envelope, and then Dave again.

"Dave, you know you can cancel these right? You… You still have time to… I don't know… Get them a gift card to the movies or... Buy them a Diaper Genie?"

Dave shook his head.

"No. I want them to have them," he said adamantly. To make his point, he pressed the envelope that Kurt was holding out closer to him.

"Okay…?" Kurt said tentatively. "If you're sure?"

"I am."

"Then I will make sure they get them," he assured Dave and set the envelope on the table by the front door where he kept his keys and mail.

"Cool, thanks," Dave said, giving his arm a squeeze. "I'll see ya later, Kurt."

"Right, yes, I'll see you soon, David," Kurt said, pulling the door open. Dave walked out and Kurt couldn't help but poke his head out and stare disbelieving at his back as he walked down the hall. He shut the door once Dave got to the elevator so he wouldn't turn around and see him staring at him like a lunatic.

Kurt frowned and made his way to the coffee table and picked up his phone. He flipped through his recent calls list until he found Rachel's number and pressed on it. Tucking the phone under his ear, he held it in place with his shoulder as he listened to the dial tone. With his curiosity getting the better of him, he went back to the front door and picked up the envelope. He carefully pulled open the flap, which had been tucked inside rather than sealed. Lo and behold, he pulled out two plane tickets priced over 200 dollars apiece.

"Hello, Kurt?" Rachel's voice sounded concerned and that is when Kurt realized she had called his name more than a few times. She must have been worried about the state he may have been in thanks to his shenanigans from the previous night.

"Is everything o-"

"Rache," Kurt said, interrupting her. "You won't believe what just happened."