Chapter 70.

Castiel's night had been a good one, despite the pain he had chosen to share. Her grief had oddly not added to his own, but had rather sat down beside it in his head, offering it both legitimacy and empathy. Each knew how it was to lose a brother. Each knew how it was to be around people for whom that relationship had never been real.

She lay sleeping in his arms now, exhausted from struggling with emotions that had been buried too long and he understood that too. Most of all, he understood that she could have sent him away when he found her at the Jeep. She could have told him it was none of his business and told him to go. She had chosen instead to share her pain and loss and allow him, in his inconsequential way, to offer the only comfort he could, a simple sketch of the face she would never see again.

She had trusted him at a time when he most needed someone's trust Dean's suspicious looks and sudden evasions were agony to him. The friend who had shared so much in a mental connection, suddenly wanted no contact with him at all, mental, physical or emotional. It made him feel worthless and hopeless, unconnected to this world, unwanted by Heaven.

It had taken a refugee from another world, equally rootless in this one, equally burdened by unendurable losses, to make him feel he had a purpose. He may not matter to Dean or even to Sam and Jack, both of whom seemed withdrawn and preoccupied these days, but he meant something to Jules. His simple picture had brought her some peace.

He watched her sleep for a long time before a movement of her hand told him that she was waking. He kissed her cheek, wanting her to wake to a reminder that she was not alone.

She opened her eyes and smiled at him. "What time is it?" she said.

"Almost five." he said.

"You watched over me all night?"

"I always do." he said, "You can sleep some more, if you like. I don't think there's a hunt in preparation today. You sleep and Ill bring you breakfast in a few hours."

She sat up. "That's sweet, but I need to get up and get on with things. I kinda crumbled last night and thanks for letting me do that without censure or judgement, but I need to be Jules again now, not frail Juliette. Does that make sense?"

"Of course." he said, "You're not my first hunter." He smiled and added, "You're just my favourite."

"The side of me you saw last night ... I usually hide that a lot better." she said, "I've been so scared of letting you glimpse all that and watching you back away. Then I end up showing you the whole terrible mess and what do you do? You just embrace it all."

"I didn't do much. I wish I could do more."

"You did plenty, Cas. I showed you my deepest wound. You could have walked away, or stuck another knife in. Instead, you did the one thing that could make a start on healing it. That picture ... As long as I live, I'll treasure it. You captured who he was."

"No, I didn't. Who he was was emblazoned across your mind. I told you, angels cannot create, only report. I drew exactly what I saw in your mind. Your love for him decided the image."

"Your love for me made you draw it." she said. She touched his cheek, her lightest touch always affected him more than any other physical sensation. "After so long alone, I forgot how it felt to be loved. Then I found you. And now I find I can be myself around you. You have no idea how that feels."

"Believe me, I do." he said, "It's a precious thing, this relationship between us." He kissed her and whispered, "And more precious now than ever."

"I feel the same way." she said. She got out of bed and grabbed her robe. "I might take a long, hot bath and hope to come out of it able to pass for a strong, reliable hunter."

"Do you want me to wait for you here?" he said.

"No. You should go check on Dean. I know you're worried about him. I'll be fine. I'll find Mary. We can talk hunting. It's too easy to fall into total honesty with you. Not that total honesty wasn't exactly what I needed last night. I mean it, Cas. Last night was amazing. I've never been able to share like that with anyone."

"If you need me ... if you ever need me, my phone is always in my pocket and I will always come to you."

"Thanks. I know it would be easier if I could just pray ... "

"But you can't and I will never ask you to." he said, "The Winchesters prefer phones too. At least I know your reason for disliking prayer is not solely because I am an angel."

"I don't think theirs is either." she said.

"Maybe not, in Sam's case."

"The way Dean is now is because of Michael. It's not how he really feels." she said. She took his hand and held it for a moment. "Are you okay? Because if you're feeling rejected and unloved, I'm not going anywhere."

"Go. Have your bath." he said, "Dean being the way he is ... It's painful, but hardly unexpected."

"And because of Michael." she said.

"Mostly." he agreed.

"Aside from Sam, there is no-one closer to Dean than you." she said.

"I know." he said, "I'm okay. I'm better than okay, because I have you. Whatever issues I have with Dean, you still love me."

"Forever." she said. Then she awkwardly rearranged the robe she carried over her arm and said, "Bad word to choose, I know, but I can promise that and I know you can't."

"It's a good word. It's a beautiful word. I just wish I could say it back to you. I wish I could give you all the things a human could give you."

"Oh, Cas, last night, you gave me something no human ever could. You let me see my brother again and you let me see him smiling. I'm glad you're not human and I'm glad you can feel love as if you were."

"I can't. Angels can't come close to the intensity of human emotion." he said, then he realised how cold and brutal that sounded. "I love you as much as an angel can love and I wish I were able to love you more."

"Unlike the rest of the flying monkeys, you are more than human, not less." she said.

He smiled. "Michael would hate to hear you call them ... us ... that."

"Them." she said, "You're not one of them. Bobby calls them that."

"He has a lot of fine qualities." said Cas.

"He does." she said.