Her eyes opened slowly, trying to get used to the soft light of the place, she felt her head spin as she tried to get herself into a sitting position and focus her eyes on something. She saw someone sitting in front of her and she could feel that he was moving. She slowly started to focus and the blurred man in front of her happened to be Cal, who was sitting with his back against the wall... actually it looked like it wasn't a wall, they were in the back of a truck.
"Hey you're awake thank God" she heard him say as his eyes found her.
She managed to lay her back against the truck's wall too, pretty confused and stunned from what happened. He looked a bit worried but the soft smile he gave her made her feel safe. She nodded, making sure he got that she was ok and returned the smile; she saw him trying to open the doors but it was useless, she would have helped him but her head was quite spinning. He got back to sit with his back against the wall, unable to do anything more.
"Do you know where we're heading to?" she asked, her voice was pretty hoarse and she had to clean her throat to get it back to normal.
"I think we're heading North" he said surely.
"How do you say that?" she asked, trying to catch up with eventual informations she lost while unconscious.
"The streets are worse at north" he pointed out.
"So how are the streets at south?" she asked curious, impressed by his statement, but he stayed silent for a second.
"Could be we're heading south" he chuckled.
It made her smile too, even though they didn't know where they were, she was with him and that was all that mattered. Their eyes met and seeing the wide smile that appeared on her lips made his heart race, she was so beautiful. He was glad he got to make her smile during that difficult time and he decided to screw their usual comfort zone and get closer, after all she had been the one who kissed him, breaking their unwritten rule first. They had never actually talked about personal interactions outside their meetings but she never said there should have been rules about it, they just never kissed or hugged because it felt too private and intimate. He got closer, sitting right next to her but without letting their bodies touch; she was the one who wasn't ready for something more so he didn't want to push her into something she would have regretted, even if she never talked properly with him about boundaries, she had only said no feelings and he could clearly see something went wrong.
"Thank you, for helping me and not leaving me alone" she said, toying with her fingers and looking down at her legs.
"I would never leave you alone" he admitted.
It was true, he would have done everything in his power in order to protect her, but his sentence meant also more than just that. He was there if she needed someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on... everything.
"You would have if I had panicked underwater, if I hadn't been able to swim" she chuckled sadly.
"I would have drowned with you. If only one of us is gonna make out of this situation alive is gonna be you, they need to step on my dead body" he looked firmly at her and she rose her head to look back at him.
"Cal what are you saying? Don't even think about this" his words left her shocked, was he serious? Was he aware of what he was saying?
"You have a son Emily, you have someone who's waiting for you at home and I won't allow someone to destroy your family" he didn't want to separate a son from his mother, he knew that grief could lead to extreme things, he had a scar proving it, and he didn't want Flynn to lose his mother. Plus, he could never forgive himself if something happened to her.
"Don't say that, we're gonna get out of this alive, both of us" she couldn't lose him, she knew their relationship would end once they got back, but she couldn't lose him before they got to talk properly and that wasn't the right time.
"Ok, but if something big will happen I swear I would also be able to take a bullet for you, I don't care" his eyes were sure, looking into hers in such a firm way that it scared the hell out of her.
He would take a bullet for her, he had just told her that he would die in order to save her. She couldn't lose him, not forever, he had to stay alive. She knew she wasn't ready for a relationship, but maybe he would have agreed to take it slow with the feelings part, that was her wish. Telling him her feelings, which she wasn't really sure how to name, but she hoped he could understand and tell her that he was there and he felt it too... whatever "it" was. She couldn't deny she could clearly see a future with him, but she didn't know how far that future was, could have been a week or a year.
"I'm scared" she admitted, whispering it almost unconsciously, her eyes trying so hard to hold back her tears to not cry in front of him.
"Hey, it's ok we're gonna get out of this don't worry" he gently cupped her face, swiping his thumb softly on her cheek.
"No I wasn't tal-" suddenly the truck stopped and they heard someone exit from the front part.
Cal got up, putting a finger on his lips, telling her to stay silent, he positioned himself in front of the exit and as soon as the doors opened he jumped on the man, starting punching his face and taking his gun. He spotted another man in front of him and he aimed him raising to his own feet.
"Cal!" he was about to fire when he heard her voice.
He looked in her direction and he saw one of the men holding her and pointing a gun to her neck. He froze. He couldn't shoot, he couldn't move, what was he supposed to do? Two men were pointing at him and one was pointing at Emily; he could shoot the man who was pointing at her but she wouldn't have been able to kill both the other men since one of them would shoot him for sure. He tried to look around for something but he couldn't find anything; raising his hands he thought it would have ended there, they were about to die and his mind was trying to make up any sort of plan that could have saved at least her.
A loud sound filled their ears, it was an open fire from distance, he immediately got on the ground as he saw all the men getting shot and Emily getting on the ground too, for a moment he thought they had shot her too but soon their eyes met and he could see she was alive and fine from the small nod she gave him. She was fine, it was all that mattered for him. He saw a car approaching them and as soon as the driver exited it he jumped on his feet, it was Holt, they were safe. They followed him in his car and he drove them to the house he had been staying for years: it was a small house in the middle of no where, it was old, pretty cold, but it was a house and it felt safe. They had to explain everything to Holt and after feeling betrayed for a moment for the fact that Cal had joined the FBI he agreed to help them. The guy they needed information from lived nearby, in another small and old house, they agreed on going there the next day and make up a plan in the meantime. Holt lived with an old woman, whose name was Oksana, Emily found her interesting, so she started following her while Cal talked with Holt for a while, saying that she would have come back before sunset.
"Please don't tell me you're sleeping with her" Holt said once they were alone.
"That's no one of your business" Cal answered quickly.
"I take it as a yes, but it's pretty obvious, it's the way you look at her. Don't mess up with work Cal, follow your head, not your dick" he answered shaking his head.
"What if my head tells me it's a good idea?" Cal asked, crossing his arms.
"For God's sake Cal please tell me you're just fuck buddies or something similar" Holt knew his friend could look emotionless sometimes but he also knew he had a big heart and that a lot of people hurt him in the past, especially since they came back from the Navy.
"Yeah something like that" Cal answered.
"Shit... can you go back and think with your dick please? I take back my previous statement" he didn't want him to get hurt, but he knew he was stubborn and he had never seen that look in his eyes, for no one of his previous women.
"I think it's impossible" Cal admitted, looking away.
"Does she know?" he asked.
"I don't know" he was honest, he didn't know, plus he knew something was wrong and the last thing he wanted was to make that whole situation even worse.
"Don't fall for her, if she doesn't feel the same I don't want you to get hurt" he breathed heavily, before leaving the room so he could get comfortable.
The place was quite small, it had two single beds that looked old, like the rest of the house. He was glad his clothes had dried and he still had his jacket on, the temperature was quite cold and he noticed that at least the beds had a heavy blanket, even if he wasn't sure it would have been enough. He would have given her his blanket if she had been cold, even his clothes, he would have slept only in his boxers if that meant keeping her warm. Looking around he eyed a small wardrobe with some new clothes, there was a piece of paper saying they could use them, so he decided to take a shower and change, allowing his own clothes to take some air.
When he came back Emily and Oksana were already there and they all ate together some warm soup that was exactly what they needed to warm up a bit. After dinner, Emily excused herself saying she needed to take a shower, well, if it could even be considered a proper shower. The water wasn't really warm and the flow wasn't that powerful, but it was something and it was fine, better than nothing. Entering the room she saw Cal sitting on his bed and he looked at her, the room was colder than she expected, she closed the door behind her, her eyes hovering around.
"If you're cold I can give you my blanket" he suggested, seeing her warming herself up by rubbing her hands on her arms.
"It's ok I just need to get used to the temperature" she lied, she wasn't used to this but she had to avoid him, for their happiness.
"You don't always have to be strong, I know you're cold" he knew it, she was cold and also distant, like she had been in the past days.
He got up, slowly approaching her as he took off the sweater he was wearing and placed it on her shoulders. Warmth spread all over her as she welcomed the presence of the new piece of clothing on her.
"Thank you" she smiled shyly, knowing that it was useless to fake, he knew her, she couldn't do anything about it.
"You're welcome" he couldn't help but slowly caress her face with his finger, making her look at him.
Their eyes locked and she knew she wouldn't be able to hold back anymore now. Just by looking into his eyes made her heart race and her lips dry. She flicked her tongue on her bottom lip, trapping it between her teeth and chewing it softly; enjoying his warm touch on her face. Her eyes closed, unable to keep his gaze anymore and her lips parted; her hand landed gently on his own to keep it there, he wouldn't have moved it anyway. Soon his lips were on hers, softly caressing each other in a slow kiss. He gently cupped her face with his hand as she raised on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck. She didn't know if he wanted more or not, but of one thing she was sure, he had never kissed her like this, not even once, not even the last time.
His free arm wrapped gently around her lower back as he tilted her head to allow himself to kiss her deeper. As his taste filled her mouth she couldn't help but let out a soft moan and gently run one of her hands through his hair. She felt his hands shift to pick her up and she wrapped both her legs around his waist as her hands cupped his face, stroking his beard softly. She felt her back land on the mattress and his body on top of hers; her legs remained hooked loosely around him and one of his hands found her hair. He wasn't touching her body, he wasn't rubbing on her, he was just making out with her like it was the last time doing so, and in some way it could have been. They didn't know what would have happened the next day, they got themselves in a pretty dangerous situation and neither he knew about her plans of breaking this thing up once they got back. She wrapped both her arms around his neck and pushed him towards her, taking him by surprise. He chuckled as he felt his chest totally against hers and her legs wrapped on his back.
He wanted her, not like any other time, his want wasn't lead by arousal or desire, he needed her, he needed to show her he was there and he wouldn't have left her alone. He parted their lips to catch a breath and her eyes opened, hazel eyes looking up at him in the dark.
"I want you" she whispered breathless, almost reading his mind.
She looked into his green eyes and she couldn't find the strength to change her words. She didn't want him just for her pleasure, she actually needed him, she needed to communicate with him in their usual way, hoping he would get her message because she wasn't good with words, not with him. Words with him didn't exist, feelings were too hard to explain and she made sure since the beginning that they shouldn't be involved. She moved her head up to kiss him again but he stopped her.
"I'm sorry but I don't have any protection with me" he knew it was important for her, after all she was the one who made this point clear the first time.
"It's ok, I'm clean and I'm on birth control, like I told you I don't sleep with anyone else" she had decided to switch from the pill to the ring a week before, when the case wasn't going that good, just in case they had to leave for a bit and no decision was ever been better.
"I haven't slept with anyone neither" it was the first time he had admitted it out loud to her, the first time he admitted to have taken their "relationship" as seriously as she did, not that he understood why she did it, but for him it just didn't feel right.
Cheating was definitely a big word, they weren't dating or were together so there wasn't actually someone to cheat on in their open relationship, but he had never been the kind of men that liked to change. Something that happened more than once, in his head, was something to respect, even if it was a free relationship and he couldn't and wouldn't tell her to be loyal to him. In the last days though he knew something changed, at least for him, but it just wasn't the right time.
He caressed her face softly losing himself in her eyes as his free hand started to slowly touch her side, getting under her shirt and touching her skin. He left a quick kiss on her lips before moving to kiss her neck, this time making sure not to leave an unwanted mark. She moaned softly as he sucked gently on her pulse, swiping his tongue on her skin. Her hands found the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and throwing it somewhere she couldn't quite see, she just needed to touch him, his skin, his muscles, feeling his warmth, breathing in that fucking cologne that somehow after they almost drowned and he took a shower was still there, or maybe she was just imagining it. Could be that she always did? What if she actually smelled his cologne just once and the other times was just her brain making it up because he had already taken total control of her emotions?
Her shirt followed his and she shivered for the cold temperature of the room. He seemed to notice because he immediately covered them both with the blanket that was on the bed, making her smile. He kissed her again just to look at her in the eyes, making sure that she was ok and still sure of her decision. With her nod both their pants and underwear were removed and his hand found her clit, circling it slowly.
"Not like this" she managed to say between moans, keeping her voce as low as possible.
He let their bodies connect for the first time without any kind of barrier, feeling him bare made her walls clench around him but she tried to not let herself go just yet. It wasn't arousal thought that made her so sensible, it was emotion.
She wrapped her legs tightly around his torso and her hands palmed his ass to help him push deep inside her. He let his whole body touch her, wrapping her up in his embrace and she moaned softly in his ear. That was the material representation that they didn't need dirty words, role play or majestic stuff to turn each other on. The two of them was enough. There in that cold and dim room under the covers of a single bed that looked like it was about to break every time he pushed into her, she was on the verge of tears because she had never felt so genuinely happy in a long time. His rhythm was slow and deep, way different from any other time they spent together and that should have scared her, instead it didn't. She kissed him softly muffling her moans in his mouth, another thing that they had never done, it had always felt too intimate but now it didn't. Their tongues danced together in the same way their bodies did, creating waves of pleasure that started in a physical way but ended up touching both their hearts and minds. Her heart was beating fast and her brain wasn't cooperating, totally blank to leave space to emotions.
She had almost lost it, she had almost whispered those three words on his lips when they parted in need of air, but she stopped herself. Saying them out loud wouldn't be her best idea, she had almost made the same mistake Tommy made with her and she couldn't lose Cal. Plus, letting those words out would have meant face her feelings once for all, and she wasn't sure to be ready. When will she be?
She let herself go in his arms, her body trembled, shaken by climax, but he wasn't finished, they weren't finished. With all the strength she had and the single bed making her moves a bit harder, she flipped them over, laying herself on top of him, touching his chest with her own and kissing him again. She didn't know if she was the one riding him or he was just pushing his hips up, but the kiss they were sharing and the way their bodies moved in sync was all that mattered, and spoke more than a thousand words would. They both reached their climax together and she let herself fall on his chest. He wrapped one arm around her, trying to catch his breath and hoping she would take a while to recover, so she could stay there in his arms a bit longer before parting from him like she always did.
To his surprise, she didn't. He could feel her breath was now back to normal and her heartbeat slowed down, even though it was still a bit fast, probably due to the short time she took to recover, he thought. She left a small and light kiss on his collarbone, right next to where her head was now resting, hoping he wouldn't feel it, but he did.
In that cold room, cuddling naked together under the covers, they both knew that what happened was way different from any other time they had; but both of them decided not to talk about it, thinking that the other one wouldn't feel the same. If only one of them had been brave enough to talk...