CHAPTER IV

/play Redbone - Come and get Your Love

…

It's been two nights and two days since Miura Yumiko and I met. The truth is that I couldn't easily forget about everything that had just happened to me. I went over to Tobe Kakeru's house in Nitonacho district when he invited me to a party that Saturday night. That's where I crossed paths with Miura. One bottle of shochu later, we're on a train together going back to the city. She's drunk, and one moment led to another. She threw up on me, I dragged her to a motel, and the next day, she's furious. She thought I did "something" to her. We met again later that evening and history repeated itself, with her getting drunk and me, having to take care of her. Again. You think we're in a relationship now? I wouldn't call Miura my girlfriend, not at all. "Like" is too casual, and I don't like her. But "love" is out of the question. I don't want to be in love with this girl; scratch that, I don't want to be in love at all. The next woman I might fall in love with will either become my wife or my first murder victim. I'm sure she feels the same way about me too - we're like apples and oranges, and I'm obviously not her type. Maybe I'd say that I like her attitude to a certain degree. I could see her becoming the kind who will always keep struggling. Nice people are boring, but Miura Yumiko? I really can't put my finger on her.

Miura goes to Aikoku-Gakuen University in Yotsukaido city. I'm not that impressive myself. I attend college at Chiba University. She doesn't have classes on Wednesdays, and I don't have classes on Thursdays. Then about a day later, Miura calls me and says that she doesn't have classes today, and wants to hang out and do something. Clearly I have no business with this girl, and there are more important things to do. I told Miura that I was at school in the middle of a lecture, and dismissal time was not until five o' clock in the afternoon. That did not deter her at all, because she said that she was coming here, and it's not like I could stop her. At that time I called her bluff and forgot about her for most of the day. Lectures resumed after lunch at two o' clock, and the professor was teaching economics. If that sounded advanced to you, don't be fooled because it's easier than it sounds, at least for me.

We were halfway through the lesson when the front doors of the classroom slid open noisily, and everyone looked at the newcomer. Normally when a student is late for class, the obvious and logical way of entering is through the back doors quietly, and especially not to make such a jarring entry. The professor was strict and notorious for giving out F's to absentees, and D's to tardy and unpunctual people. Whoever this was, she was one brave student. Then she asked loudly, with the air of an angry UN representative, "what kind of school is this? I can't find the damn classrooms!"

Yes, it was her. Miura Yumiko. I immediately lowered my head on the table, fearing that she might recognize me. What the hell is she doing here? I could hear her footsteps grow closer and closer, until I sensed someone take a seat to my left. I wanted to run away. I must've been the only one keeping his head down, so it was easy for her to pick me out. Apparently, she wasn't kidding when she told me "I'm coming to get you."

Chiba University is a pretty big school, and it's not unusual to have students from different classes to join a lecture in another class. It's only still September, and we're just several weeks into the second semester yet so students recognized each other alright, but the professors are still settling into their new classes. Everyone thought that Miura Yumiko was just a new student who's probably catching up on missed lessons, so nobody realized that she absolutely does not belong here. The professor assumed the same, and simply continued on with his lecture like nothing happened. Irked at her antics, I immediately asked, "what do you think you're doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" she says.

"Something terribly stupid that'll embarrass us both."

"Just chill, will you please?"

No Miura, I am not going to "just chill." This isn't a situation where I can really relax. She's giving me a mischievous smirk, and meanwhile I could hear the guys behind me whispering to themselves.

"She's new, isn't she?"

"Holy smokes… finally, a reason to come here everyday!"

"Whoa, I didn't know our school has such hot girls."

"Let's work on her after dismissal," some guy in the same major as mine whispered at the back.

I gritted my teeth in exasperation and thought to myself, morons! Idiots! The guy next to me whispered, "the girl beside you is really hot, let's go check her out." I wanted to slap myself in the face from all this stupidity. Those 18 minutes were painstakingly long. Of course, Miura wasn't bothered by all the guys shooting thirsty glances at her - I'd even suspect that she may be getting off on this kind of adulation. She's really shameless, isn't she? The rest of the lecture was over, and as everyone stood up to leave Miura followed me. I tried to avoid talking to her, and slipped past the people in my way. While I fumbled with my locker in the hallway, Miura was leaning beside me with her arms crossed.

"Hey, let's go somewhere else." She says.

"There's no way," I said between clenched teeth. I noticed that some students were starting to look in our direction. "I cannot skip classes - you know what? Just kill me instead."

"Fine. Suit yourself then."

She doesn't say anything else and walks away. Soon enough classes resumed and this time, I was relieved to find out that the blonde fire queen is no longer lurking in my classroom. When I went back inside, she's gone. She must've come to her senses and decided to leave me alone. Hallelujah! But before the lecture could begin, the professor called my attention up front and told me that I was excused for the rest of the afternoon. "Hikigaya-san, I am counting you as present, so you are excused," he said to me.

"Pardon me, professor, but why?" I say.

"That young woman is your girlfriend, no? She needs you."

The entire classroom fell silent while listening to our conversation, and I felt their glares burning holes into my being. The guys were giving me jealous looks… ha! It even felt kind of good, but I didn't say anything. It's a simple trick by Miura, and soon enough it would be dispelled. I should've known that she isn't above pretending to be someone's girlfriend, just to get her way. But something else worried me. Confused, I picked up my bag and went out the door scratching my head. Sure enough, Miura was right there in the corridor with an evil smile at me.

"what did you tell the professor?" I ask her. "He's not exactly the most lenient human being on the planet."

"I told him that I was going to get an abortion, and that you were the father."

"No!"

I gasped, in disbelief. I even laughed. "You didn't."

I froze and stared at her, open mouthed. If I was a professor and someone made this kind of excuse to me, I would've called nonsense immediately. I don't care if a student is really pregnant and needs an abortion - first of all, a student has no business getting knocked up, and at such a young age no less. Second of all, that baby isn't going anywhere in the next few hours, and I'm pretty damn sure the execution can wait until the class is finished. Miura doesn't even look disconcerted in the slightest, as if she had all of this calculated down to the last number. I wanted to moan in exasperation.

My campus life is completely ruined! I would be immortalized in Chiba University as "that guy", and everyone would persecute me like a witch in Salem. Even Zaimozuka, one of the only friends I have in this place was giving me doubtful looks, and every girl eyed me as if I was some sex offender. And nobody was willing to partner up with me for the social science assessment. I could not bring myself to grow furious at Miura, because I was utterly stunned. This girl is scary - terrifying. If she managed to annihilate what little dignity I have left, God knows what else is she capable of…

I thought, goddammit Miura! The other day, she was pitiful. Simply pitiful. I never expected to see her again so soon. Now, she turned into the bane of my existence. Well, what's done is done, and I had not much of a choice but to tag along with her, wherever her frolicking and foolish merrymaking may take me. Besides, I don't want this girl causing any more havoc than she already has. And thus begins my war.

Miura liked to call me especially on Wednesdays, and drag me along with her. I changed my schedule by attending classes on Thursdays instead. The good thing about college classes is that you choose which classes to attend, and when. You have a wide degree of freedom with your time. She's not so different from other college students, in that she wastes a lot of her time wandering aimlessly in shopping streets and partying like a true sheep of Epicurus' flock. I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to let these kinds of people break into your life because they will fuck things up, but I felt a twinge of responsibility towards Miura. If only she had an older sibling to look after her, everything might've turned out vastly different.

Remember, she's still a brokenhearted girl (yeah right!) and this is coming from an older brother who took care of a younger sister, so Miura Yumiko reminded me a little bit of my sister Komachi. Miura can be spontaneous, despicable and outrageous, but that made me feel responsible for her, as if she was some spoiled little girl. Or maybe I was just being condescending. Besides, hanging out with a pretty girl isn't too bad. Or so I thought.

She calls without warning, and when she does, she threatens me on the phone saying, "come out or I'll kill you!" And one of those days, Miura called and gave me twenty minutes to see her in front of Chiba station. Oh, and she added that she has a bottle of shochu with her that she'd drink, just so I don't get cold feet. I live in Isobe district, and I could get to Chiba in fifteen minutes by taking the subway at Inagekaigan station, but today I decided to take the cab. She really did have a bottle of shochu with her!

We (against my will of course) went to an amusement park. It was the middle of the week, and what business do college students have to be hanging around amusement parks? There weren't many people, and on the bright side we could choose whatever we wanted to ride without waiting in a line. I asked Miura why'd she go through all the trouble just to drag me with her to an amusement park.

"Don't get the wrong idea. I have a coupon ticket, and I just don't wanna waste it," she explained.

"A couple's coupon? Uh-huh..." I say to her incredulously. She tried not to look me in the eye, and her cheeks were pink.

"Oh, shut up. It was for me and my boyfriend..."

That was understandable. These days, amusement parks are one of the places infested with couples, and it can be pretty depressing for people who are just fresh out of a relationship. There once was a man on the news who took a flamethrower to the park and unleashed hell, which was funny to me. Personally, I think we need more of those kinds of people. I noticed there hasn't been a good amusement park fire lately. What's going on? These are the thoughts that are running in my mind… yeah I know, it's fucked up. What can I do? My brain has a mind of itself after all. Meanwhile, I'm following Miura's footsteps. We roam the amusement park for a while, and decide which rides to get on. You know how girls were supposed to act all cute and vulnerable when they're with a guy on a scary ride? Well, throw that misconception out of the window because Miura rode the Gyro-drop three times, and by the end of it I was sweating bullets and holding back a lump in my throat.

I'm walking several feet behind her, just for good measure. We already look like a couple from a perspective, another misunderstanding I didn't need. Walking side by side definitely makes people look close, but I don't want to be associated with her.

Eventually, Miura was irritated when she noticed that I was avoiding walking alongside her.

"Quit doing that shit!" She says, suddenly grabbing my arm.

"Oi, don't touch me," I snapped, trying to pull myself away.

"You keep moving slower and slower every time I let you catch up to me. What's the matter?"

"Now, now. I think you know better than to walk beside a creep like me."

"So you admit it?" She giggled.

"Idiot, no. That's not the point. People will get the wrong idea."

"What happened to 'I don't care what other people think'?"

"You're a pain in the ass, Miura. You just ruined my campus life back there, congratulations. You happy now? At least have some respect for yourself by not making things worse," I sternly say to her, rubbing my forehead. By now, I'm walking right beside her.

"Geez, no need to get so pissed, Mr. Ethics," she sarcastically says, rolling her eyes.

Keep doing that, you might just find your brain back there.

She continues, "besides, how can you be friends with someone if you don't want to be seen with them in public?"

"Oh, so we're friends now?" I exclaimed. I couldn't believe it. She's got to be joking.

"You're funny. We'll be friends when I get severe brain damage."

"God. Why can't you just be normal?" She glares at me, insulted.

"Says the girl who just crashed into my classroom. I'd want to be normal, if I didn't think I'd become like you," I retorted.

There goes our mutual hostility complex with each other. Maybe we can't be friends, but I do believe we'd make good enemies. At least we sincerely hate each other and don't hesitate to launch insults with absolute and brutal honesty. A good enemy is better than a fake friend. Say what you will, but I can trust Miura to be a bitch towards me more than I can trust my own friends to help me.

She fell silent for a long while, and I didn't notice her looking away. She was trying to stop her eyes from crying. Miura was the kind of person who seems impervious to provocation, and can have a razor-sharp tongue as well. But when nobody's looking, she's revealed to be very fragile. I didn't know that my words affected her. I was just throwing back her own attitude at her. One should be very careful of what they say to women, because they might forgive, but they never forget.

The sun was setting by the time we finally went through all that, and we headed for Chiba park. Unlike the amusement park, Chiba park was populated by trees, hundreds of square yards of green grass and there's no loud music constantly banging at your eardrums. I was actually pleased to be there. I often took a stroll in the park by myself during the evenings after class for a few minutes before I went to work, and I found it most enjoyable if there was no one accompanying me. Now, I felt like I was the caretaker of a kid who's about to cause trouble the moment I took my sights off of her. If Miura knew what I thought of her, I'm sure she'd kill me. After a while, she says something.

"Hey… I'm hungry," she mumbles.

"Well, let's see what we can buy to eat," I say.

We're both pretty hungry by now from all that frolicking and walking around, so we headed towards a nearby vending machine to see what we could buy. Miura bought a bag of spicy prawn crackers and two cans of beer, which immediately raised a red flag for me. She said she wants to drink, but I do not want to drink anything with this girl! At this point, we're both pretty exhausted, so we sat down on a bench and went through the big bag of prawn crackers. It was no match for the both of us. Of course, Miura held possession of the bag, and she did this annoying little thing that was touching my nerve: she was grabbing the crackers by the handful, which was just deplorable. Meanwhile, I'm just picking up two or three crackers at a time, like the civilized person I am.

"This is for you," she says, giving me one of the cans.

"Oh, I don't drink," I shook my head.

"Bullshit. Suit yourself." She opens her can and starts to gulp it down. Alcohol and Miura do not mix well together, and based on my previous experiences, things won't end well for me if she falls unconscious again. He who does not remember the past is condemned to repeat it, as they say. But I was parched, and the can of beer was really appealing. This isn't enough to get me drunk, so my only worry is her. The apple flavour was very refreshing, and I gave a sigh of relief.

A can of beer can't possibly knock out a person, but by the time Miura was finished her mood shifted aggressively and out of nowhere, she began calling out passersby.

"Hey you! Why are you wearing a red shirt? Who said you could wear a red shirt?!" She yelled.

"What the hell? Who are you?" The man jumped, looking like he had seen a ghost before quickly walking away. "Crazy..."

Meanwhile I also immediately got up and ran several metres away, as I absolutely do not need to be associated with such an outrageous individual. If alcohol doesn't make her fall unconscious, it turns Miura into a snappy bitch… I was very nervous that she might punch above her weight and pick a fight with a big guy, and I'm not willing to play hero and get the crap beat out of me. Luckily enough, she soon got tired of provoking people and sat down quietly.

It was getting dark, and with the streetlights coming to life the mood was just right. Chiba park used to be crawling with gangsters back in the old days, and you had to be careful not to get mugged. Maybe kids used to climb the beech trees here, or go fishing for carp in the lake. But now, all I could see are lovey-dovey couples who just make my stomach churn. Fools! Relationships are pretty straightforward - once you enter the boyfriend-girlfriend phase, there's only two outcomes at the end: break-up, or marriage. And the latter is a big decision. Hell, it's literally a decision of, "do I want to grow old and die with this person?" It sounds like a death sentence. It's one of my greatest phobias, and for good reason. I took my mind off of it, and thought about something else.

"Hey… I'm sorry about what I said earlier," I sheepishly say.

"No, you've got a point. I'm not really in a position to tell you to act normal, huh?"

She gives me a sad smile, not looking me in the eye.

"Look, I just don't want people thinking you're a stuck-up bitch. You're not. You're a quality human being, and I appreciate that," I say.

"I'll beat you to a pulp if you keep being a smartass with me," she frowned, as her cheeks turned even redder than they were before from the alcohol.

We just stood beside each other, leaning on the railings and gazing at the lake, as the evening sky turned deep blue. After a while, she starts talking to me. "I thought he loved me. But I found out he was cheating on me with my friend… can you believe that? I didn't do anything to deserve that. That's what you get for being loyal. You get fucked over."

Meanwhile, I was listening very quietly to her. But who does she think I am? Her therapist, or perhaps even her gay best friend? I don't know how to react to this sort of situation. I don't think it's appropriate to console her and pat her on the back. It's pretentious. As cruel as it is, I found myself stifling a laugh.

"I know… it's funny, huh?"

She plastered that hurtful smile again as she spoke, glancing at me as if she read my mind.

"Forget about it. There's another guy around the corner," I say.

"But… but I don't want to be used again!" She cried, angry once more, presumably at what I said. "I-I don't want to act blindly anymore… I don't want another illusion of a relationship. It's just like what you used to say… something genuine, you know?"

"How do you remember that?" I blushed, remembering how silly that statement is now.

"You kept saying that… I thought it was stupid, but you turned out to be right," she says.

We shared a naive, sheepish laugh. It was embarrassing to be talking like this, true. And we didn't even know each other very well.

"Hey… are you still looking for that genuine thing you're talking about?" She asks me.

I shrugged.

"We don't have time for that kind of bullshit anymore. May we get what we want, and never what we deserve."

"What do you mean 'we'? Don't rope me in with you! Ugh… you're so negative. It's depressing the shit out of me."

I smiled, and thankfully I think she didn't notice.

Miura is staring at the lake… I could see the city lights sparkle in her deep, emerald-green eyes. She said that the lake looked pretty. We were standing on the edge of the walkway behind the railing for a few moments. Without warning, Miura held me by the wrist as she jumped down the promenade and onto the grass. We really shouldn't be doing this, but what was I supposed to do? We ran towards a small thicket before the lake, where we got a closer look at the water. Miura didn't say anything else. She remained silent, and I didn't know what's in her mind.

She's probably thinking about her boyfriend again. How can a girl be so tough and aggressive, yet be so fragile on the inside? The breeze was a bit chilly, and she didn't have a jacket or a scarf, so I took off my coat and put it around her. Miura started to cry. She was making these soft, whimpering noises while tears were rolling down her cheeks. I heard her repeatedly lament on how "worthless" she was, and that's why her boyfriend dumped her.

I suppose I felt sorry for her. But what do I know of her circumstances? It would be a blatant lie to try and comfort her, as I honestly do not care a whole lot about her. How can you care about someone you barely even know? And knowing is just half of the problem - you've got to understand the person as well. I've only stuck around this far because I pitied her. But I'm not heartless, so I could sympathize with her, if only for an ounce.

Miura suddenly said to herself while smiling weakly, "the lake is so pretty… I wish I could go in there."

I felt cold sweat start to condense on my back. What is she up to? I thought, what if she jumps into the water, how will I get her out? I watched her charily, even walking up and standing by her side. And then… I found myself falling into the water.

She pushed me in when I wasn't looking! I tried to get out, but I couldn't. The water is freezing cold! Thankfully, I wasn't wearing my coat because if that got drenched (that overcoat was given to me by my father) that'll be the last straw between me and this… this bitch! People were gathering on the promenade watching us, but instead of helping me, they were pulling their phones out and recording my life and death struggle. People these days… a guy is about to drown, so they'll take a video of him. They must've thought it'll get so many views on youtube… humanity be damned! Now, why would Miura do that? Yes… you guessed it. She wanted to see how deep the Chiba lake was! Why doesn't she just stab me with a knife to see how sharp it is?

Chiba lake is deeper than it looks… the shore was in front of me, but I can't quite touch the bottom… I'm a very good swimmer, and there was no way I'd drown from this. Only now did I realize how ridiculous it is to swim with shoes on. Eventually, I crawled out of the lake like a wet cat, shooting vicious glares at Miura. She was laughing now, while sobbing… are those tears of grief or tears of joy? I never knew that she could express happiness and sadness at the same time. It was like I'd invented a whole new emotion. Somebody must've called 110 (emergency hotline in Japan) because I could hear the police siren and saw bright lights flashing.

Soon, we're both inside the police cruiser, and we went to a local station… we had to endure an hour of lecturing from a police officer, and Miura was nodding all along, quite innocently. It's unbelievable. The officer was scolding me to be more responsible, as if it's all my fault. If Miura wasn't so stupid, she would've been a manipulative criminal.

Afterwards, I asked her impatiently, "why the hell would you kick me into the water? What if I drowned?"

"Men are all bastards." She answered indignantly, as if she was stating an absolute fact.

Her fierce, fiery demeanor finally began to return. But she had a sheepish look on her face, and she wouldn't look at me. Wow… actually, now I really felt sorry for her. I couldn't say anything. I couldn't bring myself to get mad at her… I was just sad for this poor little girl. What man could have messed her up so badly to turn her into this? When could she recover from her past? Yeah, sure… men are all bastards. Not-so coincidentally the next day, the headlines on social media said, "After breaking up with his girlfriend, man attempts to commit suicide in Chiba park."