Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations the characters find themselves in. Thanks so much for continuing to read and for giving me feedback on my work. It's muchly appreciated and I do read every review you send me!
Note: Points to anyone who recognize the second movie based on the quotes!
This is Heavy, Doc
The idea of Eggsy seeing him as a father type figure had not sat well with Harry earlier, and now the idea of being Eggsy's 'Daddy' in the context he'd meant it in...well that was just so much worse on so many more levels. It put images into his head that made Harry very uncomfortable, his years as a Kingsman very much working against him in this case. He'd seen things, taken on roles while working undercover that had necessitated...Damn. He did not have a Daddy kink and-and it was quite obvious from the way that Eggsy was grinning evilly at him that the boy was saying these things for the sole purpose of traumatizing him. The little shite.
It was tempting to offer to put Eggsy over his knee for a spanking in retribution, but Harry didn't know the other man well enough to know whether Eggsy would like that idea or not. Which would, of course, completely defeat the purpose. He would not be doing it to give the bastard a drop of pleasure, after all.
That being the case Harry took a calming breath and stated, quite firmly, that regardless of their possible prior relationships-even if what Eggsy was saying was true and not a result of his head injury and his own delusions-in this timeline they would be entirely professional, relationship wise.
"Your loss."
"I'm sure."
"Ya know, I did come back in time for you. It wouldn't kill ya to show a little gratitude or nothin."
Damn. The boy had a point.
Holding himself stiffly while keeping his tone civil, Harry inclined his head ever so slightly in Eggsy's direction. "Thank you. I assume that there's a great deal more to this then just my continued survival, but I do appreciate that you were willing to be sent here to be my bodyguard, however unnecessarily."
"Got shot in the head by a skinny, coke bottle glasses wearing, gangster poser."
Harry narrowed his eyes. "Which I only have your word for, as to accuracy."
Eggsy snorted at him, how little he was impressed he was with Harry written all over his face. "Trust me, Bruv. That part's ENGRAVED on my brain."
"I am not your brother."
"Well no shit. Ya might be in ta that, being posh and inbred already, but I wouldna have slept with ya if you was."
Silently praying for both the strength and the mental fortitude to not strangle the other man, Harry forced himself to be the better man and continued to read through the bullet points he'd yet to read, hoping for some respite-and not getting one. The worst was the fact that apparently Eggsy had a memory of doing a 'Love Actually signs' type proposal-and that movie was Harry's kryptonite. Just the idea of it...
The mentions of further shagging between the two of them did NOT help matters either.
Finishing the list Harry very pointedly set it down on the bedside table, the urge to crumble it up or tear it to shreds so that he could pretend it never existed considerable. "We'll show that to Merlin and Arthur tomorrow." Lord save him. "For now I think that you should try and go back to sleep. It's going to be a long day for all of us tomorrow."
Truer words had never been spoken.
"And you're stayin here ta guard me, right?"
"Yes."
"All right, then. No leaving this place without me." Eggsy even pointed a threatening finger in his direction for emphasis. Which was very rude of him. "Your life is in danger, remember? I risked everything comin here ta protect ya and the least ya can do is not end up dead cause of your pride. You go, I go. Got it?"
"Understood." Arthur had already given him similar orders, after all.
"Swear on your honor as a Kingsman agent."
"You have my word as a member of Kingsman. Now go back to sleep." Before he said or did something to make this all that much worse. Somehow.
Apparently deciding that Harry could be trusted, at least for now, Eggsy settled back down in the bed and only watched him for a minute or so before allowing his lashes to fall, eyes disappearing from view as he finally did the reasonable thing and passed out.
It was still going to be a long, fucking night for him though. Especially since Harry couldn't forget what he'd read on that damn list of 'memories' Eggsy had shown him.
In one of the memories Eggsy had been proposing to him. And in another...they'd been married.
Not just his lover...but his husband.
It was literally the end of the world as he knew it.
)
Hours later Eggsy was stubbornly clinging to sleep even though it was a losing battle. He wasn't the type to oversleep as it was-that was Harry's thing-and he had gotten a decent amount of sleep already. Somehow. Apparently he was the sort of bloke who could sleep even knowing that he had amnesia, had traveled through time but no longer had a working time machine, AND possibly had a 'Save the World' mission to complete...that he didn't remember. Oh, and just for a cherry on top the whole thing hinged on Harry Hart, who thus far had not endeared himself to Eggsy in the slightest.
So far this universe's Harry was a prick.
But yeah, Eggsy was about sixty nine percent awake, and edging into the seventies when he sensed a new presence coming up beside his bed. A familiar one. He recognized her scent as she leaned over him, and knew the feel of her fingers in his hair as she stroked him while murmuring something he didn't quite catch, though he knew and was comforted by her voice. A mother's voice.
"This fuckin sucks, Rach." Eggsy grumbled, opening his eyes a little so that he could see the woman leaning over him, just to make sure that it was indeed her. It was...though younger looking, of course. "I've lost most of my damn memory, I'm probably stuck in the wrong time and nineties fashion sucked, and on top of all that I'm in the universe with the dud Harry."
"The dud Harry?" Rachel repeated, eyebrows rising.
"Yeah. He was way sexier and sick in the other universes. Okay, cuddly in a couple of the memories, but in this one he's just a fucking annoying prissy pants."
Laughing in delight, Rachel's whole face lit up with amusement as she stated that she'd pay money for him to call Harry that to his face.
"I'll take that bet. Calling in 'intimate relations' for Christ sakes. That's as bad as callin it-bollocks! What was it? I heard it on 'The Big Bang Theory'. Starts with a C, I think. Help me out, Rach. What's a really pretentious and prissy way of saying shagging?"
"Coitus?"
Lifting his hand Eggsy flicked a finger in Rachel's direction, eyes opening completely now. "Bingo. That."
The male snickering from just beside Rachel didn't startle him. Eggsy had known someone was there, but now he knew for sure who it was.
"Oh shut it, Percy. You're no catch either, Geek Boy."
"Now, now. Behave, Boys." Rachel shook her head at both of them before turning her attention to studying Eggsy's face. "Hello, Eggsy Unwin. Also good morning. I guess I won't have to do the old 'good old 1955' speech after all. I'm a little sorry, I looked up the speech and everything."
"1955?"
"What Lorraine Baines said to Marty McFly when he wakes up after her dad hits him with the car. He thinks it's his mother in the room with him-which technically it was, just a much younger version. I thought it appropriate."
"Got ya." And damn, 1955 would have been a lot sicker to visit than the fucking nineties.
"And for the record coitus generally refers to heterosexual intercourse. So no, Harry doesn't normally use that term." Rachel added, eyes dancing with amusement. "How are you feeling, by the way? Aside from Harry annoying you."
"Bit achy and sore. Nothin ya need ta look at."
"Not bad, after getting blown up in a time machine."
"Should have made it out of a DeLorean."
Eggsy didn't want to think about time travel or the fate of his machine, but luckily Percival was around to act as a distraction. He knew exactly how to change the subject, Rach's mention of movie quotes giving him the idea.
"You mock my pain."
Percival's eyes practically lit up, the much younger than Eggsy remembered him agent now grinning at him. "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
Pleased, Eggsy held out his fist to Percival for a fist bump. Which he didn't get. Seriously? Of all the-
"Oh. Right. Not a thing yet." Dropping his arm back down Eggsy sighed and then asked the most important question, which was where the hell was Harry? Seriously. Did Harry not keep his fucking word in this time line too? He better be close by-or at least still in the building-or there was gonna be hell to pay. He was not above kidnapping the bastard and holding him hostage, though okay, that probably wouldn't work. But he'd think of something if-
"Having a quick meeting with my husband and father-in-law. They're keeping an eye on him for you, don't worry."
"No offense, Rach...but ain't neither of them up ta that challenge. So I'll get to it...right after I visit the loo and have a shower." He definitely needed to do both, now that he was paying attention. Ugh. "Percy, don't let the idiot leave without me, all right?"
"I'm in charge of you at the moment."
"Course ya are." Disgusted with the world in general-on so many freakin levels-Eggsy tossed off the bedsheets and carefully moved his body until his legs were pointed in the right direction and his arms seemed steady enough to support him as he braced them on the bed. Getting off the bed went okay, though yeah, the shower was definitely needed for reasons other than body odor and gross hair. Fuck, he was stiff.
He also needed a toothbrush ASAP.
"Think you can walk unsupported?"
Eggsy settled for giving Percy a look, then started walking to prove his point. And okay, he probably looked like a new foal in Grandpa's stable, but he was walking.
Percival moved into position to walk on his right while Rachel took the left, both in position to grab him if he toppled. Or restrain him, if necessary. Rachel's training as a doctor meant she knew where to aim, especially with the special lessons she'd been given over the years.
"So what was I supposed to do when you offered me your fist?"
"Same thing. Bumping fists together is like..." Eggsy trailed off, not sure if there was anything to compare it to. Nothing was coming to mind. "It's like sayin 'we did good' without words."
And okay, that sounded totally lame. Ugh. He hadn't been in the nineties for twenty-four hours and already its lameness was infecting him. Before ya knew it he'd be saying shite was cool and thinking the world was gonna end in 2000. Fuck. He was going to have to deal with all the crazy people freaking over the Y2K bug if he got stuck here. Fuck his life.
Wait. Oh fuck a duck. Was the nineties version of a fist bump between blokes the whole jumping at each other and bumping chests? He'd seen that in movies. Fuck. Though he'd pay good money to see Harry do that with someone. His lips twitched just thinking about it.
"What's with the face?" Rachel wanted to know.
Opening his mouth to comment on the weirdness of this new decade-though technically he'd lived it too, just as a much younger sprog-Eggsy was faced with the knowledge that he probably shouldn't say more than necessary about the time he'd come from and how it was different from this one. Sci Fi wasn't his thing, but he was pretty sure that telling people about the 'future' was frowned upon. Even if it would save them from themselves.
Posing the question to Percival, who was a Sci Fi geek, the Kingsman agent sadly had to agree with him.
"That's wot I figured."
"One question though..."
"Perc...I know ya don't know me, but I know you. It won't just be the one, specially when it comes to books, movies, and shows on the telly."
"Bugger."
Reaching out Eggsy gave Percival's shoulder a pat. Poor both of them.
)
Thankfully they didn't have far to go to reach their destination. Whoever had designed Kingsman had been well aware that the agents would often need medical attention, then require someplace to freshen up a little before they went off to explain to Merlin or Arthur just why they'd thought blowing up that building or taking on those seven street thugs to get a woman's purse back in the middle of a mission while yakuza were after them and-yeah. Eggsy was very much familiar with the facilities here. The fact that he knew this place on some level was probably helping him to keep from freaking out, Eggsy silently acknowledged as he reached behind him to undo the ties on the hospital gown they'd stuck him in. Though at least he was wearing jammie bottoms underneath. As old man as that was.
Balling the material up in his hand Eggsy was all ready to shove it in the hamper as soon as he stepped inside the bathroom...only the hamper wasn't beside the door where it was supposed to be. Seriously? Looking around Eggsy didn't see one anywhere, which was just stupid. This whole thing was stupid as fuck and marching across the room towards the sinks Eggsy-
Freezing like a deer in headlights, Eggsy slowly turned his head to better get a look at himself in the long mirror situated above the sinks, angling his body so that his bruised and mildly scratched up back was as visible as his neck would allow.
"No. No. No. No. No. No! Not the back tat! No fucking way! Jesus, fucking Christ. Haven't I suffered enough?! I paid a thousand pounds for it, and now it's gone on top of everything else?!"
In some small part of his brain Eggsy was aware that he was having a panic slash anxiety attack over the situation he was in. The missing back tattoo was just the straw that broke the camel's back-or his in this case-but that didn't stop him from freaking out and forgetting how to breathe as he swayed in place, Percival's hand coming up to grab Eggsy's upper arm while Rachel moved into position in front of Eggsy, taking his face between her hands as she tried to get him to breath properly.
It took some doing.
But matching her exaggerated breathing with his own Eggsy slowly remembered what his lungs were for, narrowing his world down to just the two of them as he worked on getting oxygen in and out of his lungs until he felt confident enough to wave her away.
"So...what did you get done that costed a thousand pounds?"
"Percival." Rachel's MOM tone said it all.
"Grandpa insisted on coming to make sure the artist didn't fuck it up. Did not end well. Had to pay through the fucking nose to get it done in the end." The sentences came out short and raspy, but at least he was verbalizing. Eggsy took that as a good sign.
Rachel gave his shoulder a squeeze. "And the tattoo might still be there, you know. You were going on an undercover mission that involved changing your hair and eye color. Why not hide the tattoo, too?"
Okay...now he really, really felt stupid.
"You got him?"
"I got him." Percival confirmed.
"Be right back."
)
Under normal circumstances Harry would enjoy watching Merlin lose his cool and sputter and flail around like an utter fool...but in this case he couldn't because a part of him was right there with his friend, wanting to pitch a fit over the sight of Eggsy, half naked, being rubbed down by Rachel as she used a towel soaked in remover to uncover the back tattoo previously hidden from sight. While she also paid noticeable attention to the excellent arse also on display for her viewing pleasure. On top of loving the tattoo, which Rachel was gushing over and Percival was admiring too.
The fact that the other man had one of Harry's personal mottos tattooed on his body should not be as arousing as it was, Harry silently grumbled to himself. And did Rachel really need to keep rubbing that bloody towel over Eggsy's back at this point? The tattoo was quite obviously visible. Or at least enough to reassure Eggsy that it was there.
He hadn't liked seeing the boy have a panic attack either.
"That tattoo further cements his statement that he views Gawain as a grandfather figure. Enough to call him Grandpa. I recognize Gawain's style in the artwork of that tattoo."
"He...draws?" The Gawain Harry knew blew things up. And caused severe physical harm to others whenever possible. And did not like happy or pretty things. Or anything non-violence related aside from horses. He didn't even like puppies!
"Very skillfully, yes. He just isn't in the habit of showing people unless he has to. I'll get in touch with him later in the day. Time zones." Arthur added, to explain why he wasn't doing so now. "His reaction should be quite interesting."
That was one way of putting it.