CHAPTER XXI

…

I was accompanying Miura back to her home in the city. I don't really like taking girls back to their house. To make it worse, it reminded me of the last time I saw Yukino. Right after we "broke up", I took her back to her house too. What most people don't realize is after you cross the threshold into the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship there's only two ways it can go from there: break-up or marriage. By hindsight, it was clear as day that Yukino Yukinoshita, a girl from high society and a wealthy family could never be married to someone like me. On the other hand, the concept of marriage always scared me. It entailed a plethora of sufferings that would make even my crappy high school life look like summer camp. Marriage is a sentence - a life sentence. That's why children are really smart. Why? Show me a kid who decided to get married and have kids - there's none. In conclusion: marriage is basically shooting yourself in the foot. Or maybe I'm just bitter about the fallout between me and Yukino.

That aside, we had to switch trains at Tsuga station and go all the way to Inage. It takes about an hour. This morning Hanzo and I had driven up to Narita city to sell off a truckload of cigarettes again, then we watched a baseball game. If we had lined up a couple bookmakers to bet on the games, it would've been nice. After I had checked off a whole page in my notebook, meaning the quota for sujikuji bets were made, I met up with Miura and we killed some time while in Yotsukaido. It was a bit late at night, and we must have missed the evening rush because the station was desolate.

It would be weird for both of us to fall asleep on a train again, and Miura wasn't that tired. She suggested that we play a game along the way. Why do people come up with these silly things? Last time, we played what she called the 'red tomato' game, in which one player is supposed to slap the other player's hand, while the latter tries to avoid getting hit. She usually misses my hand because I've got good reflexes, but when she does strike… I realized why they call it red tomato. My hand was sore by the end of it. Anyway, the game we decided to play this time involved a line drawn on the floor with a key or a coin. Whenever somebody steps over the line with their left foot, Miura wins. If they step over with their right foot, I win. The winner gets to hit the loser with a finger. Sounds simple enough, and I'm very good at games involving 50-50 chances. I leave it to mathematical probability to win.

Three High school kids are coming our way. I kept chanting under my breath over and over again, "right foot, right foot, right foot, right... foot!" The first kid steps over with his right foot. The second kid also steps over with his right foot. But the third kid... ugh, he steps over with his left foot. It was so close, I could've gotten a perfect victory.

"It's two to one, so I'll just hit you once, okay?" I say to her.

"No way," she says indignantly. "You hit twice, and I'll hit once."

What's her deal? If I was her I would've taken the generous offer. I shrugged. "Have it your way then. Here we go."

I first position my fingers over her forehead. With my thumb, I bent my middle finger at a hard angle like a cocked hammer of a pistol. Yes, I am sadistic, so I take my sweet time and wait for a couple of seconds. Miura began to tightly squeeze her eyes shut while holding up her shoulders with a nervous look. Eventually, she gets tired of waiting and opens her eyes. This was my chance! As soon as she opened her eyes and relaxed her shoulders… BAM!

The sound of a pumpkin cracking open could be heard. She gave a frantic, high-pitched cry and swiftly recoiled from me. People within a few feet from us started to stare. It was a success! The pain is amplified and hurts the most when the person relaxes… I told you I was sadistic. Miura was rubbing her head tenderly while giving me a flustered look.

Then she stammers, "f-fine, I won't hit my turn so let's just call it quits!" She must've gotten really scared. Ha, I knew it. Revenge is sweet. But then she made a proposition. "This is unfair, both of us using our fingers," she protests.

"What are you talking about? Let's just leave it as it is."

"No way! I should get to slap you on the face instead."

I gave her an incredulous look and chuckled. "Then I'll slap you too!" I retorted.

"How can you even think of slapping a girl on the face?" She says.

What're you trying to say? Girls can't get slapped but guys can?"

"Of course! There's no reason why you should slap a woman."

"Oh yeah? I could give like, ten reasons off the top of my head as to why I should slap the shit out of you…" I muttered to myself.

She overheard me of course and seized me by my shirt, pulling my face close to hers and challenging me to say that again. Of course, it'll be a death sentence if I took Miura's word. But I am a firm believer in gender equality. I think men also have the right to divorce and make away with half her fortune, the right to take the kids, and the right to bitch-slap them across the face.

But of course, I'm only that brave inside my head, so I mumbled, "you're right. Girls can't get slapped."

So now, if I lose, I get slapped. She is the law, after all. Five young men in sharp-looking black suits were walking down the aisle. They all looked like businessmen, or Yakuza wannabes. They moved closely together, walking nearly in sync towards the faint scratch I made on the floor. They approached closer and closer by the second, and I was tense.

Left foot. Left foot. Left foot. Left foot. Left foot. These imbeciles… do they think they look cool walking together like that? Meanwhile, Miura lit up with a cruel smile and began giggling devilishly to herself. "All right, here we go." She grinned at me.

"Here what goes?" I dumbly say.

Her smile disappeared and was replaced with an exasperated look. "Come on…" she moaned.

"Do you remember that café we sometimes passed by? I'll buy you a strawberry cheesecake if you want," I tried. She didn't look amused. She just stared at me with a calm face, her green eyes neither cold nor warm. It was unnerving me. "What if I do your homework for the rest of the semester? I'll even write the commentary essays for you. You know what, let's just- "

Right on the bat, Miura smacks me on the jaw. So that takes care of one hit. There were four left... this was no joke. She's really going to slap me full force in front of all these people. Everyone was staring at us, realizing what was going to happen. Fine, just kill me, I thought. I closed my eyes tightly.

I felt her fingers lightly touch my still sore left cheek. Is she being generous and letting me off easily? I peered from between my eyelids, and she looked like an angel then. Again, she stroked my cheek with her fingertips. The third slap… it felt like she's teasing me with a feather, and it was even slightly tickling to me. On the fourth time, it's not even a slap at all. She had a lovely smile on her lips. I almost thought she was really a nice girl. And the last sla- SMACK!

My left cheek was on fire. I literally saw stars… if a slap could kill, I may have been dead by now. Miura turned the same tactic I used on her against me. She let me relax with all the teasing, delicate touches and then went all the way on the last one for maximum effect.

Everyone that just stared at us is about to die... from stifling their laughter. That last slap went off like a firecracker. The five young men from before started to snigger even though they didn't know what was going on. I almost lost my cool at that moment. Those motherfu… I was fuming. I could call a hit on these bastards tonight and they'll be dead by the end of the week. But I left them alone, and instead I let out a pained sigh and laughed weakly. I think Miura's temper really was rubbing off on me. My left cheek was becoming all red and swollen.

The guy next to me suddenly stood up. He knew exactly what kind of game we were playing. He's a guy, I reasoned inwardly, he's going to take my side... right? He walked to the opposite direction from our line for a while, then turned around and started moving toward us inconspicuously. My mouth became dry and I was leaning in desperately, swearing to myself, "right foot, right foot, right foot!" I felt like a death row inmate waiting to hear his name for the electric chair. I was shaking without noticing. Sir! Please! I shouted inside.

I almost jumped from joy. "Yes! Right foot! Right foot! Woo-hoo!" I felt like the king of the world. The guy turned around and grinned. Thank you so much!

"This is it." I solemnly breathed, looking at Miura with a dead serious face. She had on a naive, apprehensive smile. She couldn't speak. Ha! I have the last laugh, and losers can't say anything.

I placed my finger in front of her head just like last time. The level of power behind this finger is going to be very, very different. My pain and my grief and my vengeance will all be carried in this single strike… my middle finger started to shiver from the strain on it. My whole left arm is starting to shake. Everyone around us has grown very quiet, too intent on watching us. I've never heard a train this quiet in my life. All I could hear was the whirring on the tracks below.

I was about to execute the coup de grâce… but then, I paused. Miura looked like she was about to tear up soon. Her head was tilted down in a fearful pose. She probably knew that the moment she relaxes, I would hit her viciously. The truth was I wasn't enthusiastic about continuing anymore, but I still wanted to get even in one way or another.

"Hey. If you start calling me by my proper name, we'll call it quits."

She hardly ever called me by my real name. I don't think she even remembers to address me with the customary "Hikigaya-san". It's always been "Hey you", "bloke", "idiot", "smartass"... These are her pet names for me.

Then, she parted her lips and whispered, "p-please be gentle with me… Hachi-kun."

Suddenly, I felt very warm inside. My cheek even stopped hurting. But I felt so flustered, I thought I was going to start bleeding from the nose. What the hell? What did she just say? I couldn't believe it! She's…

Well, needless to say it's pretty fun playing games in the subway...