CHAPTER XXIV
Miura Yumiko wanted to follow her long-standing crush since elementary school, Hayato Hayama, wherever he went. If Hayama was going to pick the sciences course, Yumiko would do the same. The fact she passed into an elite university such as Aikoku-Gakuen was proof that given enough motivation, she can be brilliant and deliberate. As they say, love is quite a vicious motivator. If so, then infatuation is the next most potent. Her determination also stems from a propensity to surpass and get even with her rivals. She's proven to be a formidable adversary in chess, and Yumiko told me that it was me who motivated her to hone her skills. "Remember back when we used to play blitz? I swore that I'd checkmate you seven times in a row, and now, two years later, I think I will," she said, smirking.
I chuckled in amusement. "Keeping a knife close to one's heart, I see. If people knew you never let go of past grudges, they'll think twice about crossing you."
"Well, you said it yourself: 'forgive, but don't forget the bastard's name.'"
In a way, her tactics mirrored her personality. Yumiko was bold and astute with her openings, aggressive even in defense. If I started with the usual King's pawn opening, she replied with the Scandinavian defense. She memorized the Italian game and almost twenty moves of theory. I hate it when she pulls a Wayward Queen attack on me. Perhaps I had underestimated her too much. Sure, I held a deep love for chess and shogi, but I'll admit, I was a mediocre player. Chess is too difficult to be a game and not serious enough to be considered a science or an art. Well, I've taught Yumiko almost everything I knew in the game, and the things I haven't, she learned by herself. Clearly, she was the better player.
Anyway, unfortunately for her Hayama had not gone to Tokyo University as she'd anticipated. When she found out he was leaving the country, with Yukino Yukinoshita as well, she was heartbroken. Yumiko almost lost the will to even continue into college at all. But because of her excellent reputation and her impressive High school record, save for a couple trivial misdemeanors, she easily obtained a spot in a good university no less. What was the point of going to Tokyo if she didn't have Hayama with her? Everyone in her clique had moved on, and she was left out. Building a circle of friends was no walk in the park, and building a new one from scratch can be daunting for even the most outgoing extrovert. Yumiko relied on her social magnetism to draw people towards her, not the other way around. And when she found herself in a practically all-girls college, where every student had nearly the same degree of pomposity as her, it wasn't easy making friends at all.
I found out that Yumiko really didn't have that many friends outside of school, at least people she spent time with. That wasn't her biggest problem, as she spent equal time between working in the salon and frolicking by herself in the malls. But it's really sad to see a girl by herself, especially Yumiko, who was the type you'd expect to never be seen alone, and always with a group. Now, I've thought about it carefully and it seemed to me that helping her reconnect with her clique wasn't such an unreasonable notion at all.
We were walking down the colorful shopping street in Shinmachi one evening, when I suggest to her, "don't you think it'd be good to re-establish a relationship with your old peers? Your friends from class 2-F, Ebina-san, Tobe, Yui, the fools."
"They're not fools!" She snapped back after thinking for a second, giving me a little punch. "Now, what made you come up with that idea?"
"Well, I was wondering maybe- "
"You want to make friends?"
She asked pressingly, almost as if she couldn't believe what I was saying.
"No, no. You have it all wrong- " I start, but then she cut me off.
"Oh, Hachiman. I didn't think you could get any friendlier than you already are with me," she giggled. Yumiko hummed pensively, then said, "come think of it, you're right."
"Of course," I nodded shortly.
"Mou, Hachi. You can't keep acting so condescending if you really want more friends."
"I don't want more of them. I already have enough."
I didn't know the effect of what I had just said, but Yumiko started getting flustered and turning red. She told me to stop fooling around. "Whatever," she says, furrowing her eyebrows slightly. Then she muttered, "say… what about my ex?"
"What about him?" I shrugged. "Don't ask me. That's between you two."
"What's your advice?"
"It's no good asking people like me for advice. A twenty-one year old doesn't have a license to dictate another person's life," I shake my hand at her in refusal.
"But it's you, Hachiman," she chuckles.
"You make me sound like I'm an old man."
"Maybe you are."
"Oh fine. What do you think? Does thy heart still beat for him?"
I moaned and raised an eyebrow. She pouts and pushes me, annoyed. "Don't mock me!"
"I'm not. Forget about it. If you still do like him, it's not like I can do anything to stop you."
"Are you jealous?"
I looked at her incredulously, and smiled before letting out a laugh. "Why would I be?"
"Let me just say, and this is strictly hypothetical, okay?" Yumiko stuttered, stifling herself from giggling, "if we had met each other in a different circumstances, there's a possibility that I'd choose you."
"Oh?" I glanced at her with an arrogant smirk. "Is that a compliment or a provocation?"
"Take a good guess."
"Mathematically speaking, there's actually a chance. Maybe one percent, but a chance no less," I say.
She nodded. We both paused in front of a storefront, as she stared at the exquisite and unmistakable jewelries displayed behind the windows. I stood behind her patiently. She was always talking about finding a man who would buy expensive gifts for her. I don't know about anyone else, but Yumiko has her priorities straightened out. I told her that seemed pretty materialistic and selfish. She shrugged, then turned to me and said, "all women are expensive. You just have to find the one who's within your price range."
"And here I thought I had a twisted mind!"
I laughed. But she's talking facts. She says, "you just gotta find a girl who's worth paying the price for."
"That's true, that's true," I say. Then I raised a finger, "so don't worry if another girl gets more attention than you, Yumiko. Corollary to your theory, just remember that cheap prices tend to attract more customers."
We both laughed at that. It wasn't that hard getting Yumiko's old clique back together again. Ebina Hina, Yui Yuigahama and Tobe Kakeru were eager to hang out with Yumiko again when she showed up. Unfortunately I got dragged along with them. Worse, she wanted to repay me by introducing me to her friends. If I had been like any other guy, it would've been a dream come true to be introduced to new girls, even more, they were attractive. I could keep my cool pretty well, but I don't like these kinds of situations. I went with them anyway.
The whole thing took place at the coffee shop near Keisei-Chiba station, the same place Yumiko and I met those months ago. Yumiko brought two of her friends. There were seven of us in total. There's also another guy in the group as well.
As soon as I got to the table beside her, she began to speak. Yumiko, switching into her full extrovert mode, started through with the friendly introductions, then put a hand on my shoulder and said, "this is the guy I was telling you about. His name is Hikigaya Hachiman."
Her female friend giggled and waved at me.
"Nice to meet you! You're pretty cute."
"Hello," I say rather half-heartedly.
I didn't know Yumiko had been going on about me with her friends. Oh bother, she's done a lot more talking than I expected. It didn't exactly lift my spirits when they called me cute. It simply means I'm not much to look at. Cute was in the gray area between handsome-looking and funny-looking. I was in the market long enough to understand euphemisms like that. Then I realized that two of Yumiko's friends were a couple.
We ordered soon after we finished with the typical small-talk. The couple ordered a mixed sherbet, a shaved ice dessert topped with fruit, custard, red kidney beans, green jelly and syrup together, while Tobe, Yui and Ebina ordered iced cappuccino. I just wanted a coffee, but Yumiko ordered a sherbet for the both of us.
The couple in front of us is being unbearably affectionate with each other. It's not like they can't eat with their own spoons, but despite the piercing looks other customers were giving them, which they don't notice, they were feeding each other in turn. They'd say things like, "open your mouth, sweetie~" Every time I hear that, I swear I'm starting to think death isn't so bad.
At the same time, Yumiko and I were engaged in an epic battle for the contents of the bowl. No hands, just with spoons, and no saliva on the spoons. Our hands moved beyond the speed of visibility. We were locked in a fencing match of utensils. "Hey! You took two cherries at once! Put one back right now!" How the hell did she see that? I made sure to hide the fruits under the jelly!
After leaving the coffee shop, Ebina, Yui and Tobe left the group saying they had other stuff to do. I wasn't too sure if they just wanted to get out of there, but if they did, the repulsive couple didn't help. Anyway, it was just the vomit-inducing couple and us, and after discussing what to do next, we all decided to go watch a movie. The theater was practically empty, so the four of us sat in a row, next to each other with bags of popcorns. Yumiko sat beside me on my right. I was thankful that she was sort of a barrier between me and her two other friends.
The lights went out and the movie started. I glanced at the two couples. The guy had his hand on his pretty girl's shoulder, and she in turn had her hand on his waist, and they were holding each other's free hand. It was nauseating. To make it worse, the girl was feeding the guy popcorn periodically like a concubine to a young sultan. One for him, one for her. One for him, one for her. Ugh…
At the same time, my "girlfriend" and I... had our hands stuffed in the popcorn bag fighting yet another epic battle. As always, Yumiko went through her own bag faster than I did with mine, and was now raiding my share of popcorn. I have my pride too, so I hurried to finish it before she could take advantage. Both of our mouths were full of popcorn, making unintelligible noises. Our hands happened to go into the bag at the same time. We both pulled, ripping the bag apart and propelling the popcorn up in the air, making a rather nice firework. We then glanced around us to see people covered in popcorns. They were glaring at the other couple. We looked at each other and grinned sadistically. Heheheh…
After making her promise not to drink too much, we went to a bar. You know why, right? Miura plus alcohol is a recipe for disaster. The couple in front of us became more and more... aggressive. They were in each other's arms, kissing in public.
Miura and I… yeah, right. We were playing rock, paper, scissors where the winner got to slap the loser. "Rock! Paper! Scissors!"
She came out with scissors. I came out with paper. "If you please…" she smirks and motions with a finger for me to turn my cheek towards her. SMACK!
Even if we're the last two people on earth, Yumiko and I would never get that obnoxiously fixated on each other - not that our relationship is anything like that in the first place. Another reason why we get along so well is because we have a mutual prejudice towards romance, believing it to be another lie; a trick idiots fall for. Or simply because we're both twisted, bitter… and single. So every time we see couples going around together in the park, while we're both sitting awkwardly beside each other on a bench, I'd be right behind her with her snide remarks. She'd say, "look at those two… they must think there's such a thing as forever!" I'm like, "oh, forget about it. They're nuts." It is possible that our relationship might develop into a friends-with-benefits kind of connection. After all, the mathematical equation of infinity and probability dictates that if there's really an infinite number of instances, there's also got to be an infinite probability of the impossible happening. But I cannot imagine us both having a lasting romantic relationship.
Most people want a romantic relationship, but often don't think about the following question: "for how long?" Usually - the stupid - they want it to go on forever. Forever is an awfully long time. To put it in perspective, it's like getting on a never-ending roller-coaster ride. Sure it's fun on the first few rounds, but I don't like roller-coasters. Especially when the ride goes on forever.
I often see these ancient married couples inching along the streets hand in hand. The old man is wearing a suit that's not even a color, and the lady is wearing an excruciating dress with fruits and flowers on it. They're going down the store to buy some crackers. Everyone asks the same goddamned question: "how long have you been married?" Sixty years. Then some anal retentive would say, "sixty years? Oh, that's wonderful!" Yeah? Well how do you know? For sixty years, they'd been in this marriage shit. You have no idea what it's like, most people just assume it's wonderful. For all we know, it could be a different story. Let's hear it from the wife: "for sixty years, every time I wake up he tells me to my face that I'm a piece of shit."
Sixty years; that's longer than most people would want to live. Looking at the world around me, that's longer than I would want to live actually. Then you die. But where did people get the idea that when you die, you get to ruin heaven for your dead spouse? Say you finally die after being stuck in this marriage shit for sixty decades. Imagine an angel giving you a heads up: "Hey bro. Your wife is coming up soon. We just gotta hose her down and tape on some wings. You get to spend the rest of eternity with her. She's the love of your life, right?" What?! She's the love of my life, not the love of my death! There's a reason why in marriage they always say, "till death do us apart"!
Disturbing internal monologues aside, Yumiko does smile a lot more than she used to. I feel proud whenever she laughs so happily. I could also feel the sand begin to flow down the proverbial hourglass of time. The day when I have to leave her was set.
I made a silly promise to not leave her behind. It seems I'll have to break it. Maybe not now, or tomorrow, or the next week, or month, or the next few years. But I'll leave her. Not because I'm dying, but because… I can't stand being with her, knowing that I was lying to her.
This whole relationship became a huge farce the moment I chose not to reveal the truths about me to her.
I hated her for being so gullible as always.
And I hated myself even more, for being what I am.
All I want for her now is to surround herself with good friends, overcome her past, and to be able to love someone else again. Then we can once again part ways, with our own happy endings.
That was my intention from the start anyway.