A/N: Sorry for the long delay between chapters. Real life can be such a demanding B. Thank you so much to all of you who have taken the time to read, tweet, and most of all review! This fandom is the best! A special shout out to Stephanie and Jo for all their amazing support and beta work. Love you girls. Couldn't do this without you.
Chapter 4:
"I'm guessing you're just as frustrated as I am, then?"
Mike hears Rachel's comment as he looks out the cab window but her meaning doesn't register. Apparently able to read the confusion on his face when he turns toward her, she clarifies.
"With Donna and Harvey."
"Oh," he sighs. "You'll have to be more specific. I find Harvey frustrating on so many levels." He offers a coy smile. Not sure how much Rachel knows, or what exactly she is implying.
"Give me a break, Mike." Rachel gives him a playful swat on the thigh that sends a current of electricity straight to his groin. "This is me you're talking to. And you know what I'm referring to!"
Mike's tongue seems to be stuck to the roof of his mouth and there's no way to be certain if it's the dangerous topic of conversation they're entering into or the after-effects of Rachel's touch. Regardless, he doesn't answer.
"We both know that they have loved each other since middle school," Rachel continues with a shake of her head. "I'm pretty sure everyone on the planet knows except the two of them! Talk about made for each other..." Rachel rolls her eyes and huffs out an exasperated sigh.
"Ummm," Mike stutters. It was one thing to confront Harvey about his feelings. And then a step further to breach the topic with Donna. But to start gossiping about Harvey's most precious secret in the back of a cab with Rachel fucking Zane feels all kinds of wrong.
"Mike!" Rachel barks, snapping her fingers in front of his eyes. "Wake up. We have 72 hours to fix this whole thing and we can't just sit here twiddling our thumbs." This time she takes a hold of his hand and squeezes it until he brings his eyes to hers. "Because if I know those two idiots, they have already done something stupid to start a fight. And it's going to be up to us to pick up the pieces and make them see what we all see." Rachel exhales. "So, tell me. Are you in or are you out?"
Mike wonders briefly if he's in the middle of a bad dream or on some hidden camera show. He hasn't seen Rachel in years and now she's holding his hand in the back of a cab and asking him to, what, play secret matchmaker with him?
Before he answers her, his phone chirps loudly in his pocket. Using it as an opportunity to regain his speaking ability, he pulls it out.
H: Well, that was a fucking mess. Meet me at the tailor.
Rachel's phone goes off seconds after Mike's.
"Shit." She sighs, holding the phone out for him to read.
D: SOS! I need you. The shit just hit the fan with Harvey. And I'm covered in it.
Mike hands the phone back to Rachel and drops his head back against the seat behind him.
"Shit!" He uses the same expletive Rachel had and shows her Harvey's text. "I guess I'm in."
Mike reroutes the cab driver to Donna's place with the promise of a generous tip and Rachel fills him in on everything she knows. She tells him all about Donna's 30th birthday and Harvey's quasi proposal. She also shares the difficult time Donna had after returning from Paris, and that although Donna never said the words out loud, she has a feeling she'd been hoping for an actual proposal.
Mike can only cringe and shake his head. He's not as loose-lipped as Rachel, seeing as he is a man and there simply isn't as much to tell. Harvey had kept his feelings for their mutual friend close to the chest for as long as he'd known him. But he does explain that lately, he's been pretty obvious about the way this impending wedding is ripping him apart.
"We're here already?" Rachel looks out the window when the cab pulls over. "Shoot! I didn't even get a chance to give you my long list of reservations about Stephen. Here, give me your phone." She extends her hand and Mike drops it in her palm without question.
"I'm adding myself to your contacts. Text me the minute you separate from Harvey and we will compare notes." She pushes the phone back into his hand and leans in to peck him on the cheek. "It's really great to see you again, Mike."
And with a flash, she's out the door and inside Donna's building.
"I love you," Mike whispers to the empty sidewalk before giving the driver the address Harvey had sent him.
…….
Donna yanks the door open between Rachel's second and third knock. The audible gasp and bulging eyes a clear sign Donna had startled her. But it's only a matter of seconds before those eyes turn soft and her expression empathetic.
"Oh, sweetie," she croons as she steps over the threshold, "what happened?"
Over the years, these two have shed more than a few tears and emptied their fair share of wine bottles. Harvey may be her best friend, but Rachel is her best girl-friend. And boy did Donna need her now. Especially considering her "best friend" was the root of this boiling tragedy.
"Grab a glass and I'll tell you all about it." She waves her hand in the air, already feeling the buzz from her first, heavily poured, glass. She'd been crying and she knew full well that Rachel could tell. While Donna had heard the term cry pretty, she'd never been accused of actually doing it. She was more the cry with-red-blotchy-skin-and-big-puffy-eyes type herself.
Rachel did as she was told and Donna did as she had promised. Beginning with the awkward silence after leaving the restaurant, right down to the shocking confessions and angry f-bombs. Donna thinks it might be the first time she's ever seen Rachel speechless. The woman is a lawyer, after all, and has been blessed with the gift of gab.
But at the moment she just keeps opening and closing her mouth like a codfish.
"I'm... sorry," she stutters, lifting a finger and taking a drink from her glass. More of a gulp, really. "So, let me make sure I'm hearing this right. Harvey just confessed to you, that he…" Another finger. Another gulp. "That he chose you over Scottie?" Rachel sets her glass on the table between them. "That he has feelings for you. Those feelings?"
"That isn't the point, Rachel!" Donna practically tears her friend's head off and pushes herself up from the sofa.
"Donna—"
"Don't Donna me!" she barks back. "You sound just like Harvey!" Donna spins around to face her friend. "Oh my God. You're on his side?"
"His side?" Rachel drops her shoulders defeatedly. "What does that even mean, Donna?"
"You think this whole thing is my fault. You think somehow I'm to blame for the fact that Harvey has the emotional maturity of a pimple-faced thirteen-year-old!"
Rachel almost cracks a smile at the image Donna just put in her mind, but thinks better of it, biting down on her lip instead.
"Donna," she says again, only this time her voice is full of empathy and patience, "I am most certainly, and always will be, on your side." She pats on the sofa cushion to her right. "None of this is your fault." She had nearly said anyone's fault, but she thought this option was safer.
Donna plops down beside her friend in defeat. Or at least exhaustion. Seemingly done with lashing out at her undeserving friend.
"I'm sorry, Rach."
"Let's just talk through this together, okay?" She lays her hand on Donna's. Rachel receives a bob of the head as a response. "Did you tell him about Paris?" Rachel swallows. "About what you thought might happen?"
"Oh, God," Donna moans. "Was I that obvious? I had no idea you…" She shakes her head knowing that Rachel's surprising understanding of her dashed expectations is not the topic here. "Yes. I did. Well, sort of." Donna's stomach churns as the conversation replays in her mind. She closes her eyes in an effort to stop it. "When he told me that he and Scottie split because of me… I couldn't breathe, Rachel." The tears that had temporarily slowed, return with a vengeance. "Do you have any idea what I would have given a year ago to hear those words? 5 years ago? 10?" Rachel knows the question is rhetorical and waits for Donna to continue. "But hearing them now… all I felt was rage."
"What did he say when you questioned him? Why hadn't he told you sooner?" Rachel prods, trying to put the pieces of this shattered mess back together.
"That I was the one who drew the line in the sand." Donna brings both hands to her mouth as if she can barely stomach the reality of it all. "That I made it clear we'd never be more than friends."
Rachel sits back against the sofa and sighs. She knew about the time Donna and Harvey had slept together and the way Donna had responded to it. She was also aware that Donna had seemingly turned down Harvey's plan to start a family together at 35, based on the fact that "friends" don't get married. Rachel wasn't on Harvey's side, but he did have a valid point. Her heart aches for both of them.
"Maybe he's right," Donna whispers. As if saying it quietly will make it less painful.
"Listen, Donna." Rachel turns to her. "Maybe the two of you should… take some time. Maybe, you need to get all these feelings sorted out before—"
"No, Rachel! There is no way I'm postponing this wedding. It is in three days and if Harvey and I couldn't figure out that we belonged together in two decades, I think it's time we moved on!" Donna tips her wine glass back and empties what's left into her mouth. "It makes no difference who is at fault." She stands and walks to the kitchen. "I am sure to some degree, we both are. But I have moved on." She places both her hands on the kitchen counter with her back to Rachel. "I am in love with Stephen and I'm going to be his wife. Period."
Rachel sighs as her heart shatters for her friend. It is clear as a summer day, that Donna's words are meant to convince herself, just as much as Rachel.
…….
Leaning against the brick wall outside the building, Harvey is still spitting nails when the cab drops Mike off at the curb.
"What happened?" Mike forgoes the pleasantries and cuts right down to business.
"What happened?" he mimics, his tone harsh and dripping with irritation. Harvey knows none of this is his friend's fault but he has to aim his anger at someone and, well, Mike is there. "What happened is I took your genius fucking advice and told Donna how I felt and she threw it back in my face." He pushes off the wall and strides toward Mike. "Somehow, I'm the asshole in all this." The crack in his voice, accompanied by a stinging in his eyes, only infuriates him more.
"You told her…" Mike swallows thickly. He'd said they should talk, but… "What exactly did you say?" Mike has a strong suspicion that he didn't get down on one knee and declare his unconditional love.
"I don't know, exactly," he mimics him again. Running both hands through his hair and then dropping them heavily at his sides, he tries to sift through the fog of what had happened. "I told her the real reason Scottie and I broke up."
"What do you mean the real reason?" Harvey had told Mike the same thing he had told everyone. That the breakup was mutual. They had simply wanted different things.
Harvey pinches the bridge of his nose. His whole world is unraveling around him and he really doesn't feel like playing twenty-fucking-questions with Mike. What he does feel like is a stiff drink. Closing his eyes, he takes in a deep breath and continues.
"I told her that Scottie gave me an ultimatum. Her or Donna." He bites his bottom lip to combat that damn burning in his eyes. "I chose Donna."
Mike is speechless. Not just because of the admission Harvey had just made to him, but because he had told Donna. "And?" Is all he can manage.
"And she was pissed! Royally pissed." Harvey can see the wheels spinning in Mike's head, trying desperately to find something helpful to say. He almost feels bad for the guy but he's too preoccupied feeling bad for himself at the moment.
"She brought up Paris. She was so… angry." Harvey lets his mind drift back to the pain in her words. In her eyes.
God, Harvey! Did you ever stop to consider what I thought that trip was about?
"It was like she was accusing me of something? Like I'd misled her…" Harvey clenches his jaw as he finally lets his eyes fill. "I thought that trip was perfect." Well, almost perfect...
"I think I know why she reacted that way, Harvey." Mike wrings his sweaty hands in front of him. He can see his friend is barely holding it together and what he's about to say isn't going to help in the least.
"What? How?"
"Rachel." Mike steps toward his friend. "She said Donna thought you were going to—"
"Mr. Specter?" A man's voice breaks through the intense air hanging between the men. "We're ready for you."
……...
Mike can't quite tell if Harvey wants to punch the tailor in the face or wrap him in a bear hug. He seems simultaneously annoyed and grateful.
"Go ahead." Mike nods. "I'll wait out here. And when you're done, I'll buy you a drink and we can finish this conversation."
Harvey blows out a long stream of air and nods in agreement. "I won't be long."
The minute Harvey enters the shop Mike pulls his phone from his pocket.
M: Hey. How'd the talk with Donna go?
Mike notices a green bench a few yards away shaded by a large Maple and he takes a seat. The response bubbles pop up on his phone within seconds.
R: I'm still at her place. She's distraught, Mike. This isn't going to be an easy fix.
M: Yeah, that's an understatement. Harvey is with the tailor. When he's finished I'm going to buy him a drink and tell him about Paris.
R: Holy shit! Are you sure that's a good idea?
M: Rachel, you're the one who said we only have 3 days. It's time to shit or get off the pot.
R: You're right, Mike! Text me where you guys end up. Maybe we will… run into you.
Mike chuckles and sends back a thumbs up. He is either going to save his best friend's life or ruin their friendship forever. Seems like a risk worth taking.
……
Harvey slides his way into the booth while Mike heads to the bar to get them a drink. Harvey feels like his insides have been pulled out through his nostrils, put through a wringer, and then stuffed back down his throat. He knew this week was going to be hell, but hell was fucking Disneyland compared to the nightmare he is living right now. Not only is he in danger of losing a chance at a romantic future with Donna, but he is wrestling with the reality that he may not have any future with her at all.
Where the hell was his drink?
"Macallan 18. Double. Neat." Mike places the glass in front of him. "And I told the bartender to have another out here pronto."
"Thanks," Harvey responds sincerely with the drink in hand already. "You're a good friend."
Mike winces slightly but Harvey is too busy relishing the burn of the whiskey to notice.
"So," Harvey says as he swirls his liquor in the glass. "You were going to tell me something about Paris."
Mike lifts his own to drink to his lips and takes a hefty swig. Wiping his lip with the back of his hand he clears his throat before responding.
"Yeah. About that." Mike sets the tumbler down and steadies his eyes on Harvey's.
Something about the look in them makes Harvey's stomach tighten. He wipes his palms along his thighs and tries to brace himself. He has a feeling whatever Mike has to say isn't going to make this situation any easier.
"Rachel and I…" Mike starts and stops. "She thinks that maybe…" He hesitates.
"Just spit out, Mike. It can't get any worse."
"Donna thought you were going to propose."
Or… maybe it can.
"She…" Harvey croaks. His eyes dart around the room as he lets the words sink in. "She, what?" He leans back against the padded seat and closes his eyes. She thought I was… she wanted me to… a tightness settles in his chest and his breathing gets more and more shallow.
"Why didn't you tell me about the plan you suggested to her. About the two of you… together?" Mike asks softly. He can see Harvey is in pain, but like he said to Rachel. It's crunch time.
"Oh, I don't know…" Harvey glares. "Maybe because she turned me down." Harvey drops his head into his hand. "Fuck. How many times was I supposed to put myself out there, just to have her reject me?" He brings his heavy eyes back up to Mike. "Friends. Best-fucking-friends. That's all she ever wanted."
The two sit in silence for several minutes as they finish their first glass and start on the second round that had been delivered as requested.
"Harvey, I'm going to say something that you might not like. But time is of the essence here, and I think it's better to give it to you straight."
Harvey is finally feeling the effects of the whiskey and he's fairly certain he's got nothing more to lose. "Go ahead, Mike."
"You say you've put yourself out there. Back in college when you slept together, on her 30th birthday, this afternoon. But did you, really? I mean, have you ever been truly honest with her? Ever once told her… just straight out told her, I'm in love with you, Donna?"
"Hey guys! What a surprise!"
Harvey hadn't even had a chance to swallow Mike's words, much less the liquor in his mouth before Rachel had him choking into his napkin.
Although he isn't thrilled by her timing at this exact moment, her presence isn't what has his heart thrumming. If Rachel is here, there is a strong chance Donna is too.
"Oh. Hey, Rach," Mike says a little too casually. "I thought you were hanging out at Donna's?"
"Yeah. We were. But I dragged Donna out. Who knows how much girl time she's going to have for me now. You know?" Harvey feels her look his way but he keeps his eyes down.
"Crazy that you guys happen to end up here." He looks across at Mike with his brows drawn tight.
"Yeah." Mike coughs. "Crazy."
…..
Donna makes her way out of the restroom and scans the bar for Rachel. When she finally lays her eyes on her, she gets a shock that sends a bolt through her core.
Harvey.
Damnit, Rachel.
She really is too exhausted to get worked up again. It's not like she can avoid him much longer. He did travel thousands of miles for her wedding. Not to mention, he's her Man of Honor.
Rachel had made some solid points at the apartment. This situation was no one's fault. And as Donna explained to Rachel, she had moved on.
Running her hands along the front of her dress, she takes a steadying breath and heads over.
"Well, what a surprise to find you two here."
Donna tries to keep her voice pleasant and casual, but when Harvey's head snaps and his eyes meet hers, she is immediately on unsteady ground. The intensity of his gaze takes her breath away. This is a mistake. She's not ready. Just when she's about to run for her life, Harvey breaks the deafening silence.
"Can you two give us a minute?"
Donna's eyes widen and her heart skips. She almost grabs Rachel's arm and blurts, No! before Mike nods and the two head off to find stools at the bar.
"Sit down, Donna. I won't bite."
His voice is thick and gravely and does nothing for Donna's wobbly knees. Yes, she thinks, maybe taking a seat is a good idea.
…….
"My God, Mike. Harvey looks like he's either going to burst into tears or rip someone's head off." Rachel's voice is hushed and Mike can feel her breath on the back of his neck as they make their way through the crowded bar. "I know we orchestrated this whole thing, but maybe we shouldn't leave them alone? Maybe it's just too raw right now."
"Don't get soft on me now, Zane." Mike grins as he reaches for her hand and zig zags through the sea of people.
Getting a seat isn't an option so they squeeze into a corner where they can order a drink and stand and talk.
"Earlier you said you had a list of reservations about Stephen. Let's hear them." He passes Rachel the glass of wine she ordered.
"Ugh," Rachel mumbles as she sips on her drink. "Where do I start?" She places her wine on the tall tabletop between them. "First of all, there's just something about him. You know?"
Mike nods. Yes, he definitely knows.
"I get this… slippery vibe from him. Like all his proper English manners are a cover for who he really is." Rachel looks down at her glass and sighs. "There is something in the way he looks at women. At me. It just feels dirty. I hate saying it. I love Donna so much, but... I don't know. I can't shake it."
"Anything concrete? Has he done or said anything inappropriate?" Mike questions with bile in his throat.
"I've seen his eyes wander, you know? Like every woman who walks by is up for inspection. I don't know how Donna doesn't see it." She takes a sip of her wine and reaches for Mike's hand on the table. "And there are other things, too. I've heard around the office that he has a shady reputation professionally. Like, really shady. And what if he wants Donna to move to London?" She squeezes Mike's hand. "God. Has Harvey even considered that?"
"He's in denial." Mike shakes his head solemnly. "I brought up that exact thought and he shut me down immediately. Said she'd never leave her home." Mike sips thoughtfully on his drink. "Let's hope we never find out."
"There's one more thing," Rachel whispers looking over her shoulder to her friend across the bar. "And you can't say anything to Harvey about it. You have to swear."
"I don't know Rach. I don't like keeping secrets from—"
"I think he cheated on her."
"What?" Mike's voice is loud enough to draw the attention of everyone in earshot.
"Shhhh," Rachel scolds him with a disapproving glare.
"What do you mean you think? He either cheated or he didn't." Mike lowers his voice to a whisper-shout of sorts. His blood heats up to a boil.
"It was early in their relationship. I was out with some coworkers, and I saw him with another woman. I couldn't be sure, Mike, but it just didn't feel right. The way they were whispering, touching. I went straight to Donna but she said I must have misread it. I urged her to at least talk to him. Ask him. He of course denied everything. Said she was simply a colleague from the office and that there was nothing at all personal between them." Rachel shakes her head and takes another long drink. "And she bought it. Every. Single. Word."
"Oh, for fucks sake!" Mike grumbles.
"You want my honest opinion?"
"I expect nothing less."
"I think she was so desperate to move on from Harvey, she needed to believe that Stephen was telling the truth."
…….
She looks like she might be sick. No sign of all of that piss and vinegar she was hurling a few hours ago. She looks... weary.
"I'm sorry about earlier." His voice is strained even to his own ears. He sips on his scotch and clears his throat. "I was out of line."
Harvey braces for a sharp-tongued reply. Can you be more specific? Or sorry about what, exactly? Something with the sass he's grown to know so well. But Donna doesn't make a sound, and it's unnerving. He knows he needs to fix this somehow but he hasn't the first fucking clue how to do it.
Have you ever just straight out told her, I'm in love with you, Donna.
"So was I, Harvey." Her soft reply soothes him. The leg he's been bobbing under the table, slows. "And I'm sorry, too."
The truth is… I'm in love with you, Donna.
"I didn't mean those things I said." Harvey forces the lump in his throat down with a thick swallow. Why is this so fucking painful?
"Yes, Harvey." Donna sighs. "Yes, you did."
She avoids looking him in the eye. Her gaze is cast down at her hands, fidgeting on the tabletop. He has an ominous feeling that she's working up the courage to say something that will only increase his pain.
"I've been thinking a lot about what you said," she continues, "what we both said."
"Donna. About Paris—"
"Let me finish, please, Harvey. This needs to be said." Still no eye contact, but he can see the glimmer in them clear enough. "I think we were both right. On some level… we're both to blame, or... neither of us is. But either way," Donna pauses and wipes a tear from her cheek.
Donna is still avoiding eye contact. Harvey knows where this is headed and he wants to scream, yell, pound his fists on the table in protest. But instead, he just balls his hands in his lap and bites his tongue until he tastes the blood.
"Things have a way of working out the way they are supposed to." Now she looks up and meets his eyes. "I'm getting married, Harvey." It's like a dagger straight through the heart. "Everything else is just history."
The words have hardly left her lips before he grabs her hand across the table. He startles her, but she doesn't pull away.
"Not for me, it's not." He can feel the tick in his jaw as he clamps down on his molars. His eyes boring into hers, searching desperately for any indication that she doesn't mean what she's just said.
And then, he sees it. A flash in her eyes. She's scared. Terrified. And not of the past. Of the present.
He holds her gaze. His hand enveloping hers as his heart races wildly in his chest. Scarcely breathing, neither moving a muscle for what feels like hours. He wants to say the words. He needs to say the words.
"Donna, please." His heart is in his throat. "I'm in—"
"I can't do this, Harvey." She pulls her hand free. "It's too late."
Before he can stop her, she bolts right out the door.