Chapter 6: Restless Nights
"Ummi…"
Toph's eyes fluttered open.
After a moment of just laying there and staring blankly at the ceiling of her make-shift tent, she sat up. She furrows her brows as she tries to clear the haze of sleep. There's a light, giddy feeling hovering on her chest and she had no idea where it came from.
She was dreaming about something, about someone.
Who was that man?
Why was he looking at her like she had hung up the moon and the stars for him?
His eyes look so beautiful though. They were so mesmerizing.
They shift and dance in the light as if they were alive. Is this what they meant by color? Toph wonders what his eyes' shade is called. They almost look so… transparent? They were fresh and languid like how the water flows down the stream.
Somehow Toph could almost see past through his soul.
See? But she can't see.
"Toph?"
She jerks in surprise when someone from outside calls her name. Toph shook her head to get rid of the remaining sleep that was swirling in her mind. After slapping her face for good measure, the Earthbender finally swings her hand to the ground to bring down the wall of rock that serves as her door.
"I'm awake, Twinkle Toes. You can go away now... "
She dismissively waved her hand at him.
Toph expected him to turn away. Instead, Aang just stood there and stared at her for a moment.
She raised an eyebrow at him, "Do you need something?"
"Why are you crying?"
"Huh? I am?"
Toph raised a hand to one of her eyes and felt that indeed there was wetness she never noticed.
She scrunched up her nose and huffed, "What the hell?"
She sensed the Airbender take a few steps closer before crouching down next to her, "Are you alright? Are you sick?"
"I'm fine."
"But–"
"It was just a dream."
Or was it a memory?
Her frown deepened at that thought.
She huffed.
Whatever.
Aang opened his mouth into a silent 'oh' which the Earthbender ignored as she proceeded to wipe her face with her sleeves. Toph then reaches for her bag and slings it to her shoulder. She stood up and brought down the walls of earth back to the ground before announcing, "I'm gonna go wash up."
Heading for the river, Toph left Aang sitting there alone.
The following morning, Toph woke up dreaming again.
This time however everything was too blurry to understand. What she could vaguely remember though was that there was a man, another man, dressed in peculiar clothing shouting for her to wait for him.
As strange as it seems, she did like seeing him cry.
Although, why was he shedding tears for Toph again?
Since the day Appa got taken away, Aang feels a little heavier than usual.
She can't blame him though.
The Earthbender could only imagine how awful it is for him.
Toph's not exactly good at comforting people but that doesn't mean she will ignore her friends when she notices they are anxious about something.
She observed that he's been constantly kneading his left hand this last couple of weeks. She picked up that every time he does that the Airbender is worried about something. Most of the time it always involves Katara. Still probably is, only combined with the weight of losing Appa this time.
She ignored the guilt of being unable to protect the Flying Bison and instead racked her head on how to cheer up that kid. Toph remembers that Sokka once mentioned that Aang likes egg custard tarts.
Maybe she should get that.
So, after another day of failing to find Appa, Toph did a little detour to the market to pick a box of egg custard tarts for the Airbender. Who would've thought picking toppings and flavors would be this difficult? And why the hell there are so many varieties of them?
Toph ended up choosing the classic one after getting fed up with just standing there and looking at the display for over an hour.
Exiting the stall, her purse jingled in her pockets. Toph acknowledges to herself that she should start thinking of new ways to earn money. Her purse is starting to feel a little too light for her liking.
Aang was alone when she got back.
He was just sitting there contemplating.
"Where's Snoozles and Sweetness?" she purposefully asked to lure his attention.
The Avatar looked up and answered, "They're still going around pinning posters."
"I see..."
"How did your search go?"
Toph shoved her hand to her pants pocket and turned away before answering, "Sorry, Twinkle Toes. No luck."
Aang released a heavy sigh.
Toph felt bad.
She can physically feel his disappointment.
Determined to cheer him up she went to him and dropped the box of tarts on his lap.
Aang jolted, "Uhhh...?"
"It's yours. I heard you like custard pies."
Toph mentally applauded, she did a good job trying to sound indifferent.
Aang smiled and softly said, "Thanks, Toph."
Her stomach suddenly did a funny stir when she felt his weight became a little lighter.
She shoved that giddy feeling she got and told him, "Anyways, you should eat it. The vendor said it tastes best when it's still hot from the oven..."
The Airbender beamed at her and quickly opened it up to scoop out one out. He then turned to her and prompted the egg custard tart closer to her mouth.
"While the monks say food tastes better when shared," he proudly preaches their teachings.
Toph snorted.
It wouldn't be Aang not to share something first with others.
So, she accepted it knowing that he'll insist anyway.
They both took a bite at the same time and Toph can't help but feel pleased that the money she brought the dessert with is justified when she heard Aang hum in satisfaction.
They eat in silence after that; Simply comfortable in sharing each other's presence.
Not long after, Toph found herself laying on the floor. Her stomach bulging from eating too much. She heard rustling and realized that Aang moved to set the remaining tarts aside to save some for Katara and Sokka.
Slowly, the feeling of drowsiness seeped behind the Earthbender's mind.
She smiled.
The temptation to sleep is always great after having a hearty meal and Toph lets herself be lulled by that sin.
She felt Aang's eyes on her but decides not to comment and just simply closes her eyes.
After a moment of him just staring at her, he finally speaks, "Toph… I never really thanked you for saving us from getting sunk along with the library… much less say sorry for getting mad at you back then."
Toph stiffened.
Okay, she certainly wasn't expecting that.
Not knowing what to say she decided to just remain silent.
Her mind flew back to that time.
She did get mad that she was unjustly targeted by his temper. However, that feeling was quickly pushed back by the guilt of being unable to protect Appa and the disappointment she felt towards herself when she was reminded of how vulnerable she could get.
Above all, Toph was suddenly slapped by the cold-hearted reality that this kid is the most powerful man in the whole world.
Fear washed over her when she witnessed him enter the Avatar state that day. It was terrifying how she could barely sense anything but strong gust of winds as Aang blows those boats into sherds one after another. She remembered how she panicked when Sokka suddenly grabbed her by her shoulder then shouted in her ears to run.
To hear Aang's gentle voice transform into thousands of years of power.
It was sobering.
Toph can't believe she forgot that this goofy and carefree kid she's training can bring unimaginable destruction if he wanted to. The worst part is that she knew she wouldn't have the chance to defend herself against such force even if she tried to.
"Toph… Are you sleeping?" Aang tentatively asks.
The Earthbender raised her hand and punched him in the arms.
"Knock it off Twinkle Toes… I understand," she blew the bangs that have been tickling her nose after saying that.
Toph pressed her lips in a thin line before continuing, "I'm sorry too… y'know… for failing to keep Appa safe..."
She felt Aang gulps a sob behind his throat.
He hesitantly takes her hand, "It's okay it's nobody's fault. We'll find him no matter what it takes..."
Her heart did a little flip.
Thump. Thump.
But Toph ignored that feeling and instead squeezed his hand in return, silently promising that she'll make sure of that.
Sometimes the darkness is a friend while other times it's a foe.
Tonight, Toph suppose it's the latter one when she feels that burning sensation on her eyes; Something sharp and greasy is prying her eyes open to gauge them off.
She flinches in her sleep.
It's probably a new moon tonight.
How could she let herself miss that?
Toph has no other choice but to relive this same nightmare again; Of her just staring at nothing but that swirling void of darkness in front of her.
It was peculiar in a way that it felt like it has its own gravity. It drags and taunts her to come closer; Whispering wickedly for her to let herself get lost in that spinning madness. She never really liked this kind of gloom, it always craves to steal her breath away along with her soul.
The agony was too much and Toph knows she needs to shriek the pain away.
But again, something's muffling her mouth; that gauge that seems to be made out of flesh tightens its clutch around her head.
A yawn escapes her as he slouches against Appa's saddle.
"Didn't get enough sleep?" he heard someone from her side chirps.
Toph turned to Sokka as he moved to make himself comfortable.
She lets out a dry laugh, "Yea…"
"Well, lucky for you we're using Appa to travel today. Might as well use this opportunity to nap," he said as he crosses his arms behind his head.
The Earthbender just simply lets out a hum in reply to Sokka and tightens her grip when she feels the ball of fluff lift itself off the ground.
A moment later, Toph closes her eyes. The guy was right, she better get some decent sleep since they'll be walking on foot tomorrow.
But who is she kidding? Of course, rest wouldn't come easy.
This time Toph found herself drowning in her sleep.
"What the hell are you doing up there, Twinkle Toes?"
Toph felt Aang look down from the tree and shot her with a silly grin. His image is a little hazy as he was not directly on the ground but despite that, it didn't lessen the brightness of his smile.
He jumped, nimbly landing in front of her.
"I found a chick laying on the ground, thought I should put it back to its nest," Aang happily informs her.
They both looked up and Toph listened to those baby birds noisily chirps for their mother. The chick he saved weakly wobbled as he tried to fit himself between his brothers and sisters.
She observed it for a minute before deciding to speak, "I heard that people shouldn't do that."
He turned to her with a confused expression and asked, "Why is that?"
"They said humans shouldn't intervene with nature; let it be as it will naturally handle itself. Because, apparently, sometimes we do more harm in helping them," Toph explained.
The mother bird suddenly entered her vision, she perched on the branch that's holding their nest from out of nowhere. She hopped a few times before giving the worm she got to her chicks. They all happily feasted upon, except for that one chick who was too slow to fight for its share.
Toph doubts that the Avatar noticed it.
Aang was quiet for a while.
"But we have the power to help. Isn't not doing anything is also a sin? Especially if there's a life you could've saved?" he asked in a very thoughtful manner.
The mother bird then flew off.
Probably to hunt for food again.
Toph shrugs, "I dunno, people say a lot of things..."
The Airbender studied her for a minute before turning his attention back to the birds.
A serene ambiance fell between the two of them; the quiet rusting of the leaves; the birds chirping on the tree; the sound of the nearby river rushing; and the wind softly brushing against their skin.
Toph loathed how peaceful this moment is.
It was deceivingly tranquil as if the world isn't at war.
"Is it really that bad to help those in need?" he asked in a small voice.
Aang sounded like he was talking to himself more than speaking with her.
Toph decided not to comment and just continued to watch the nestlings. Her attention however was quickly drawn to the boy beside her. She listened to the steady rhythm of his heart; It was a beat slower than before.
Almost resembling a sad song.
Toph sighs.
Seriously, this boy is too kind for this world.
Toph prays for the world not to change this wonderful kid into a tragedy. That he may experience nothing but joy and wonderful things in life. But that wish is too late now, isn't it? After all, Aang has been scarred in a way no one will be able to understand.
Maybe that's what makes him much more admirable: That despite everything that had happened to him he still loves this world.
Until this moment, it didn't dawn to her that the idea of being the Avatar must've been so lonely; To exist for eternity just to constantly save the world that keeps on burning itself.
How miserable that story is?
Toph always thought that Aang didn't deserve that kind of burden on his shoulder but then again she also can't think of anybody that can fill that position more perfectly than him.
Because the truth is, right now, an Avatar that is full of warmth and goodwill is what the world needed. It's piteous to know that they also don't deserve him.
Suddenly, Toph's heart started fluttering.
Thump. Thump.
Maybe it's just because of this weird melancholic atmosphere that she's starting to feel a little woozy.
Later that day, Toph felt a young bird fell off its nest.
It dropped to the ground with a soft thud. For a while, it quivered for a bit but it didn't really last long. The Earthbender paused from their training and turned in its direction to see if it's going to move again.
But as she expected, it was already beyond salvation.
When Aang asked her what's wrong she simply answered with nothing.
Toph didn't really have the heart to tell him that the chick he saved was pecked to death by its siblings.
Tonight was a full moon.
And just like any night like this, Toph tried not to fall asleep again.
But like always, an unseen force lured her to that inevitable pull.
Her breath started to become labored as she found herself submerged in the water again; Her heart started to pound loudly against her chest to warn her about what's about to come.
It hurts.
It fucking hurts.
Toph struggled for a while but it's a battle that didn't last long; Her body quickly went limp from exhaustion.
Something heavy and massive is weighing on her feet.
Tears escaped from her when she felt the claws that were holding her feet tighten its grip; Creating cuts and bruises around her ankles. The pain forced a scream from her, inadvertently making Toph open her mouth. A fatal mistake on her end as a lungful of cold water flooded her veins, leaving excruciating burns as they seared through her body.
It felt like her whole entirety was being ripped apart.
Her limbs, her throat, her face…
She accidentally let her eyes stray upwards and Toph felt anger flare inside her when she saw a glowing halo glimmer above her; Its serene beauty is mocking her again as it bathes her in soft lights.
Toph is so sick of watching the moon sing her that final lullaby.
She gasped to wrenched herself from her slumber.
The Earthbender flails her hand as she clumsily stands up. Accidentally tripping on her own foot and falling backward as her mind tries to catch up with the fact that she wasn't really drowning. Toph frantically grasps around to calm her raging nerves; Sensing Earth's vibration and silently repeating the mantra of: 'I'm not drowning, I'm not drowning, I'm not drowning.'
It took a while to achieve that goal.
When she finally pacified herself, Toph released a defeated sigh and wiped off the beads of sweat that gathered on her forehead.
She quietly sensed if she woke up anybody. When she discovered that she hadn't, she stood up and prepared to leave. Without bringing down her earth-tent, Toph quietly opens a hole on earth and jumps inside it to sneak off.
When she entered her confinement, the Earthbender placed a hand against the earth to search for her nearest sanctuary.
Shortly afterward, the vibration of the nearby mountain range reached her ears. The sound of their groans and grating echoed back and forth between them. It was as if they were calling for their distraught daughter to come and escape there.
After releasing a breath of relief, the blind girl quickly went to them to seek refuge.
Toph chose the tallest and mightiest one.
She stayed at the top of it, away from any bodies of water, to wait out the night.
It was only when she felt the first rays of sun tickle her skin that Toph decided to silently slip back into their camp.
A bottle was suddenly placed in front of her.
Toph raised an eyebrow.
"What's this, Sweetness?" she asked.
Katara smiled.
"Lavender ointment," she answered.
They were having afternoon tea. Another 'girl's day' according to the Waterbender in front of her. Even though they're basically running all over the place for their life, Katara still wanted to make sure that they have some quality time. Toph's honestly torn between throwing her hands in aggravation and being amazed.
The Earthbender picked up the flask and shakes it, "And what am I going to do with it?"
Katara chuckled at her little antics.
"I noticed that sometimes you have trouble sleeping…." she gracefully sat down to the other end of the table as she was answering that.
She straightened her back first before continuing, "I thought they might help a little in case."
The Earthbender braced herself against the table and watch Katara pour another cup of tea for both of them.
"How'd you know I don't get enough sleep?" she asked.
"The constant yawning and the eyebags under your eyes are enough statements..." she softly answered her question.
"Oh..." was the only dumbly reply Toph could give.
She has no idea what the hell eyebags are but she does yawn a lot if she didn't get enough. She should avoid doing that next time. The last thing she needs is for someone in their group to mother hen her.
Toph felt Katara study her for a few minutes before speaking up again.
She shifted on her seat, hesitantly inquiring, "So… what's keeping you awake at night?"
Toph heard the genuine worry in the Waterbender's voice and she almost winced at the sudden display of concern.
She awkwardly cleared her throat in hopes that it would be enough to wave her off but Katara only smiled and patiently waited for her to open up.
Eventually, Toph cracked.
"Dreams?" she croaked.
Toph involuntarily stiffened.
This girl sure has a talent for making her spill out the truth.
Based on how Katara's breath hitches, the Earthbender knew that she wasn't really expecting Toph to reveal anything. Katara blinked a few times, slowly processing that what Toph actually meant was nightmares.
The Waterbender hums, quickly gathering her wits, before speaking again, "What is it? Your," she paused, "dreams."
Toph bit the insides of her cheeks.
She didn't really want to talk about this and she had already shown too much vulnerability in front of Katara. Many times actually.
Toph deems that she can't afford to show another weakness.
So, she lied:
"I don't really remember."
It was a miracle that she was able to force out a steady voice.
Katara, on the other hand, remained silent and Toph listened to her heartbeat; she believed.
Toph frowned at that.
She's not sure if she should like the fact that she's good at lying or not.
The healer contemplated about it for a while. She lifted her hand and rested her chin on her palm. Katara turned her head and Toph assumes that she's looking at the scenery through the window beside them.
"You know, my Gran Gran uses to say that dreams are memories from our past lives..." she said.
Toph snorted.
Katara is speaking in that voice again. That kind of voice that she uses whenever she recalls memories that she's very fond of.
She turned her body to face her again and continued, "And she said that sometimes some of them hunts us back so we don't have to repeat the same mistakes again."
Toph heard a switch on her voice.
She also heard the underlying question Katara left for her: What's your ghost, Toph?
Toph released a sigh.
Fuck.
She both loves and hates this girl.
Biting her tongue, Toph imprisoned the words that are threatening to leave her mouth. She wanted to say something but she knew that if she do she's going to end up saying everything to Katara. Toph isn't ready for that. That's too much.
Katara seems to have picked up her uneasiness since she decided to jump to another topic about how wonderful the tea is. But Toph paid her no mind, she blurs her voice behind her mind and drowned it with the sound of her own heartbeat.
The Waterbender's words slowly sink into her.
And Katara's words indeed resonated something in her mind.
The dreams she keeps on having flashed behind her eyes; that man with beautiful eyes; that endless cruel void; and Toph drowning in her sleep.
The Earthbender turned away from Katara, to hide whatever expression she's wearing right now that could give away what she's thinking.
Tapping the table a few times, she finally speaks,
"Yes, I suppose that's what they are: Mistakes."
"Toph?"
"Yep?"
Toph turned to the door where Aang is.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Putting lavender oil? Sweetness said it helps for better sleep," she answered as she pours a good amount on her palms.
Toph is sitting at the center of the living room of the cabin they are currently renting. She had already taken a bath and was about to go to her room.
"Umm… you're dripping some on your clothes," Aang reluctantly tells her.
"Shit."
Toph immediately sets down the bottle beside her and holds out her arms away from her body to avoid dripping more oil on her clothes.
She gestured her hand to him and ordered, "Pass me that rag on the table."
Aang silently did as she told; He picked up the rag and went to her.
However, before Toph could move to take it from him, the Airbender had already bent down to lean closer to her. Aang carefully grabs the front of her shirt and dabbed the portion that was wet from the lavender oil.
Toph's mind completely went to the gutter.
Her brain had fully shut down that she couldn't even react when Aang reached out to take her hand. Delicately, he pressed the clothing against her hands to dry them. Then the Airbender grabs the bottle beside her with one hand, placed a finger on the lid, and turned it over to get some of the oil.
Aang gingerly turned her hand into an open palm.
He smiled at Toph and said, "It's best to apply it on your wrist–" using his thumb, he rubs small circles on both her wrist with lavender oil "–palm–" he smeared some on her palms "–and at your temple," he then lifted his hands to gently massage the side of Toph's head.
Not knowing what to do, the Earthbender only nodded.
Again, before she could fully comprehend what was happening, the Airbender had already got up.
He smiled, "You could also put some on the soles of your feet… but I don't think you'd want me to do that for you."
He scratched the side of his cheeks and continued, " You don't need a lot, just a drop would be fine."
Toph swallowed, she couldn't get any words out of her. She felt like a whole zoo is throwing a party inside her stomach and her heart is dropping the beat for them.
"Aang!"
Someone's call ripped through the silence that settled between them and they both jerked in surprise.
"Oh shoot! I forgot Sokka's making me do some errands!" he exclaimed.
Aang panicked and briskly went to the door.
"Sorry Toph, gotta go," Aang hastily bid goodbye.
And with that, he was gone with the wind.
The lavender oil wasn't effective.
Toph didn't get to sleep that night; She spent the whole evening staring at the ceiling trying to calm her racing heart.
Something's wrong with her.
Toph roughly placed her hand over her chest and listened to her heartbeat.
She scowled.
They're normal right now.
But lately, Toph's heart seems to be unusually erratic. They beat too fast and she would've trouble breathing. Besides that, her stomach would stir so much that there were a couple of times she thought she might puke.
Is she sick?
Maybe she should check their family's medical history.
"Toph?"
She sighs before answering, "What is it, Sparky?"
"Are you okay?" Zuko asked as he enters the room.
"Yea..?" she stiffly answered.
He sits on the other end of the sofa and asked, "Then why are you glaring at the wall as if you will murder it?"
She turned in his direction and scrunched her nose.
"Now you look like you're going to murder me," he joked.
"..."
"...that or you're constipated..?"
Toph spent a moment staring at the Firebender. Internally debating whether or not she should say her condition to him. She presumes it wouldn't be really that bad for someone to know in case she dies.
She crossed her arms and lifted her chin.
"I think I'm sick," she declared.
She sensed Zuko's whole form stiffen. Somehow, Toph finds it funny how his awkward posture shifts into an alarmed one.
"Wait, what? Let me see," he requested in a manner of haste.
He leaned forward to place a hand on her forehead but Toph quickly swatted it away.
"No, not like that," she huffed.
The prince paused then settled back to his seat.
"Then what is it?" he worriedly asked.
Cease appeared on Zuko's forehead as he watches the Earthbender sink lower on her seat. Zuko almost flinched when Toph's scowl returned; she really looks like she's plotting for someone's demise.
She pressed her lips on a thin line and after a moment of silence she hesitantly opens up.
"Sometimes I have trouble breathing..."
"And?"
"And my heartbeat would speed up as if I'd ran a mile even if I didn't... then..."
Zuko motioned his head to go on.
"Then my guts would twist and churn like I'm about to puke."
Toph turned to the side and gritted her teeth.
They were silent for a moment; Two rich but socially-impaired kids trying to find the right words to say at each other. She bets they probably look so pitiful right now. Maybe she shouldn't have roped the poor guy in.
Not long after, she felt the Firebender lifts his hand on his chin.
"That sounds serious…" he grievously acknowledges
He looked up to Toph and asked, "Have you tried to ask Katara about this?"
She released a sigh before answering him, "No."
Zuko opened his mouth to ask why but the Earthbender cuts him off before he could even whatever his going to say.
"Because if I did she would hover over me 24/7," she deadpanned.
And when Toph sensed that he's about to argue about it she interrupted him again.
"Don't worry, I'll go to her if it gets bad. For now, let's keep it from her because I don't think it's really that fatal," she explains.
Zuko pondered over it before nodding in understanding.
Knowing that he has no chance of winning against Toph's stubbornness he decided to just help her with her problem. He deemed that there's no use in pissing her off as it will not improve their situation at hand.
He regarded her profile before saying, "Normally we could look this up in the palace's library but since we're not there let's try to brainstorm this."
Zuko's worried expression shifted into contemplating one as he was saying that. The Firebender then told Toph to wait as he stood up to go get some materials for writing.
Few hours passed by with them just listing and eliminating illnesses that have similar symptoms to what she had said earlier. After failing to find any conducive conclusion to her current alignment they finally stopped trying.
Toph threw her hands in surrender, stood up, and dropped to the floor with a groan.
"I give up, it's not that serious anyway," she muttered.
Zuko shot her a look, "How'd you know it's not serious if you don't even know what is it?"
"Eh, whatever," she waved her hand at him, "besides, you know what they say, 'If you're gonna die, then you're gonna die.' "
The Firebender rolled his eyes and tossed the brush he was holding to the table, making some ink splatter around. He inclined himself against the sofa and released a defeated breath. They were quiet for a while, with Toph just laying there while Zuko frowns as he tries to rack his head for other possible cause.
After a minute, Toph moved again.
Resting an arm over her eyes, she said, "I guess I just have to avoid that person."
Zuko turned to her at that.
He raised an eyebrow and asked, "What do you mean by that?"
"I don't know. It's just that I noticed that I experience those things whenever I'm with this particular person," she nonchalantly remarks.
Zuko replayed her words in his mind a couple of times.
Then he looked down to reread all the symptoms of her condition that he had listed down earlier; rapid heart rate; trouble in breathing; and unusual bowel movements.
Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Toph, you idiot," he hissed exasperatedly.
Toph abruptly sits up and glared at him, "Excuse me?"
She narrowed her eyes when she sensed Zuko stood up to go to her.
Despite the murderous aura exuding from her, the Firebender remained unfazed and continued to stride in her direction; Either her frown had lost its edge or Zuko became ridiculously brave in such a short period of time.
Finally reaching her, he squatted in front of her.
A knowing smile graced his lips as he raised a hand to flick her forehead.
"You're not sick."
"Hey!"
Toph clasped a hand to her stinging skin.
Chuckling, he said, "You're not going to die from it but I will say what you're experiencing right now is serious."
Toph didn't like the way he said those words, it was as if he finds her situation very amusing.
She opened her mouth to say something but the prince abruptly stood up to head for the door.
"Wait, where are you going? Tell me what it is first!" Toph shouted indignantly.
Zuko glances back with a grin.
And before he disappeared, he said, "That is something you have to figure out yourself."
Son of a–
Toph found Aang meditating alone in the courtyard.
The Avatar has been restless since yesterday. She knows he's not only nervous about the upcoming battle with Fire Lord Ozai but was also terrified at the fact that he had to kill someone just to win this war.
Toph will never cease to be amazed at how someone like Aang could exist. Not like she will ever let him know that though. She would rather die than confess to him.
The Earthbender was about to turn around when he suddenly called her.
"Toph?"
Pausing on her feet, she lets out a small 'tsk' before she showing herself.
It's too late to escape now that he had seen her.
Perhaps it's not that bad to have some short chit chat with him. After all, Toph's been trying to bide her time from needing to sleep anyway.
She silently trudges and plops down beside him while Aang uncrossed his legs and stretched it in front of him to relax his posture.
"You should get some sleep. You'll need strength tomorrow, Zuko's going to grind you thoroughly," she reminded him.
She heard him release a sigh before he collapsing against the pavement.
"The moon looks amazing tonight..."
He's avoiding his problem again.
Despite how much she hates this attitude of his, Toph let him off the hook this time. She lets out a hum to let him know that she's listening. She supposes it's not bad to be lenient on him on some occasions. Especially now that he's been receiving a lot of harsh reactions from almost everybody.
"I always liked nights during a full moon," he said in awe.
I don't.
Toph bit her tongue to stop herself from uttering those words.
She never really liked these kinds of nights.
Actually, Toph hates it.
She always gets this foreboding feeling that something bad is going to happen. Even stranger than this, Toph has a stronger urge to avoid bodies of water during full moons. Especially during the evening. There are times that those impulses are so strong that she chooses to lock herself inside her room back at the Beifong manor or escape to the nearby mountains.
Fortunately, no one in the Gaang had really caught on with this little secret of hers. She knows that her friends think that she simply didn't like water since it impairs her vision. (Well, they're not entirely wrong though, it's true that the Earthbender is uncomfortable with that.) However, that's not the real reason why she's adamant towards the element; Toph wasn't really afraid of the water itself, what she's afraid of is what's lurking underneath it.
And she's determined to carry that secret to her grave.
Because Toph refuses to accept she's afraid of something as pathetic as that.
And it's twice as awful to know that the root of this fear was nothing but a senseless nightmare.
When she was a kid, like back when she was a tiny little human, Toph started dreaming about being drowned. She wasn't sure but she thinks she was trying to cross a bridge of an oasis. Every time, someone very dear to her would be waiting on the other side.
Toph never gets to see who that was though.
As she would always get dragged by something onto the water halfway through her journey.
She remembered how dreadful it is, how in her dream she would always struggle helplessly as she tries to kick off the claws that are gripping her foot. However, again and again, she would fail to free herself from its grasps.
And as she drowns, the last thing she would see was the glimmering image of the moon above her. Then slowly and excruciatingly her vision would fade back into darkness.
Toph has no idea why she knows that shinning halo was the moon.
She just simply do.
"– that one looks like a giant hermit crab that's trying to climb a roof of a house!"
Aang's over-enthusiastic voice snapped her back to reality.
Crinkles appeared on her forehead as she tries to think of a reason why she's recalling that unpleasant memory of all the time she could. Maybe the tension of the looming battle is starting to get on her nerves too.
"I'm sorry Toph. I don't know why I keep forgetting that you're blind," Aang sat up and scratched the side of his head as he said that.
Toph realized that he misunderstood her expression and decided to let it be, opting to just let out a snort, "It's okay Airhead."
She heard him release another sigh, "I just don't know what to do."
The Earthbender remained silent.
She doesn't really know what to say.
Even if she did have an advice, does she really understand Aang's burden? Can she really phantom the weight of saving the world?
"What would you do, Toph? If you're the one on my situation?" he asked.
His voice wavered a little bit.
"No idea," was Toph's immediate reply.
She felt his disappointment more than she heard him grumble.
Aang slouched his back and sulks as he lets out a huff of air.
Toph smiled at that.
Sometimes people forget that the Avatar is only a twelve-year-old kid.
She turned her head in front of her.
And after thinking about it again for a while she finally speaks, "I think your problem is that you try to seek the answer from someone else–" Aang stiffened at that "– which you don't have to bother with frankly. They're not in your shoes, Twinkle Toes. You're the only one who really knows how to handle this situation more than anybody. Focus on what you want to do. I know right now it's still unclear how to do that but knowing you, you'll eventually find a way. You just have to believe in yourself, Kid."
It wasn't much but Toph was glad that some of the tension on Aang's body leaves him.
"I–" he paused "Thank you Sifu. I think I really needed that…"
Aang played with the hems of his robes before turning to her, "It's nice to know someone trusts that I will be able to pull this off..."
"I'm sure I'm not the only one."
"Yes, but you're the first to say it to me."
She doesn't understand why but her heart started to pound against her chest when she heard that. This is Aang, so she's sure that statement has no other implication but genuine gratitude.
Then why the hell is Toph suddenly feeling a little too giddy?
She turned her face away from him and cleared her throat, "No biggies."
The Airbender smiled at her sudden shyness and decided to tease her about this some other time, "I'm still going to seek advice from the previous Avatars though, just to be sure."
"Whatever floats on your boat, Twinkle Toes."
"I'm thinking of going to Avatar Yangchen and Avatar Roku...maybe Avatar Kuruk too?"
Toph froze when an image of a man in his thirties wearing a pelt of a bear-like creature in his head flashed behind her eyes.
A groan escaped from her when out of nowhere an onslaught of pounding hit her head.
"Toph? What's wrong?"
Aang is really quick on his feet, he was already upon her before she could even blink.
She lifted her hand and gently massages her temple "I'm fine. Just suddenly got a headache."
Aang placed a hand on her shoulder, "Should I get Katara?"
Toph shot him an incredulous look before saying, "Pfft. This is nothing, probably just because of too much mushiness of our conversation."
The Airbender chuckled at her quip, "Maybe it's better for you to go back to your room?"
"Yea… I think you're right."
"Do you want me to–"
"No, I can get back on my own."
Not waiting for his reply Toph stood up and turned to head back to her room.
She raised her hand and lazily waved her hand as she bids him goodbye, "See you tomorrow, Twinkle Toes."
Of course, Aang chooses to disappear the very next day.
End of Chapter
Disclaimer: I'm just simply borrowing the Characters from Avatar: The Last Airbender. All credits go to its creators Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko.
N/A: Low and behold, the chapter that birthed this story.
One night, a couple of months ago, this idea hit me in the head like a stray bullet. I was reading an article about people who have thalassophobia (refers to the irrational fear of open water) when my thoughts unwittingly wandered back to Toph.
I was like, "Hey, that's a good idea: Toph being scared about water not just because she can't swim but because she's afraid Koh would suddenly snatch her again out of nowhere like what he did with Ummi."
Then bam! I ended up writing it down, pulling out excessive all-nighters to expand it, and ultimately deciding to share it with you guys.
What do you guys think? Did you like that idea too?
Let me know what you think at the comments.
Again, thank you for reading!