WARNING: There would be a heavy discussion about death, war, and PTSD in this chapter. Underage drinking will also be featured. Please be warned about the said topics. DO NOT READ if you find any of this triggering. (Let me know if I failed to mention any theme that you think needs to be cautioned for viewers' discretion.)
A/N: For reference, in case some of you didn't know, Peonies are one of the most popular flowers in China (at least during ancient times). According to my research aka the internet (lol), they're often used by wealthy people and they generally symbolize bravery, honor, love, and good fortune. But the real reason I decided to use this flower is because I discovered that Poppy's hairstyle mimics the shape of Peonies. So, I deemed that it is only appropriate to use the said flower.
Anyways, enough blabbering. Enjoy!
Chapter 10: Nails on the Coffin
Today is one of those days where Toph can't feel the light filtering through the sky. She doesn't know what clouds look like but she is aware of their existence; The shadows they cast to shield the Earth from the heat of the sun are enough to make their presence known. And it seems like they are currently swarming the atmosphere.
Even the wind had ceased to blow. Except for the occasional gust of cold breezes that ruffles the fields, everything remains motionless. The life on the surrounding mountains had quite down too. All of its creatures had withdrawn deep within the woods to stay hidden from any human eyes.
A calm, unsettling sound of surrender.
That is what Toph is hearing.
It was as if a thin blanket of somber lulls had enveloped the world. Enclosing it with this strange trance where you'd just want to sleep for the rest of the day. A peculiar event considering that it is summer.
Dull.
Tedious.
Yet, undeniably binding.
As one might expect, the dead are being laid.
There, on the other side of the town, was a child, a mother, and a father. Between them, a son is being lowered inside a case of dirt. The same goes for their neighboring crowd, only on their part two daughters are being buried in their midst.
She hasn't told a soul about it, but when she was young Toph had fallen in love with the earth. In return, it graced her with the blessing to move it at her will. Provided the comfort her family failed to give and bestowed her the gift that was denied to her at birth: A vision no other human but she can comprehend—sensing the world through seismic waves. But it seems like even the thing that gave her the best solace can cause grief to pierce her.
Today, once again, the Earth rattles her entire being as she watches another family lower their departed father down to the ground.
One thing Toph unexpectedly learned in this war is that no matter what nation you're from, no matter what kind of method you were sent off, you will still inevitably return to the soil at the end of the day.
Toph silently sips the jasmine tea Uncle Iroh served her.
It was nowhere near enough to wash away the pitiful scenes she just witnessed across the land.
A month had already passed since the defeat of Pheonix King Ozai but the burying of the deceased hasn't faltered.
The whole nation–No, the whole world is on hold right now.
Shifting into a new reality.
And it gave the illusion that the planet had seemed to stop moving as it struggles to move forward to a new era.
Once the smoke and dust of the battle settled, the ruins of the war left them all disoriented. At loss on what to do next now that they have obtained their freedom. After a hundred years of chaos and fear, people seem to be muddled at the sudden ability to do everything freely. Collectively pausing to ask themselves: 'Now what?'
Even Toph is at loss.
Her mind however keeps wandering back to her parents.
It was only natural for her to worry about their well-being. She hasn't heard anything about them since she ran away. And it's troubling to know that the Fire Nation had previously launched an attack on her homeland.
A movement from that graveyard she was watching just a moment ago called her attention again.
A new set of crowds had arrived.
Naturally, a string of curses quietly left her.
Toph had become significantly skilled in sensing every movement that disturbs the Earth. By now she can observe almost everything that is happening inside of an entire city. Of course, it is only to be expected from the greatest Earthbender of all time.
But right now, she's wondering if she learned too much. Too fast.
True, she knows that she should be grateful for her talent. But who can really blame her for cursing this ability now as she sense's another soul weep in sorrow?
However, what she finds tragic above all is how routinely mourning is. Everybody does the same: They all dig a hole on the earth, bury the person they lost along with a part of them, then walk away as a different person.
From that graveyard, she sensed a mother drop a flower to bid her son a final farewell.
Toph finds it quite vexing to listen to people say goodbye to someone who can't say it back.
The Earthbender pressed her lips in a thin line, pulled her feet off the ground, and rested them on one of the wooden planks that were designed to support the base of the stool she was currently sitting on.
Toph refuses to watch furthermore.
"Is it to your liking?"
Glancing in the direction where the old man is, she listens as Uncle Iroh turns around to fix the cups that were arranged on the cabinets.
"Quite so," Toph answers as she sets her cup down.
She isn't entirely lying.
The tea provided a pleasant sensation at the back of her throat. It was almost enough to soothe the anxiety that's pooling at the pit of her stomach. However, that was it. Almost but not enough. Toph's not sure but somehow, for some reason, she's craving for another kind of burn. Something's that's going to scorch her guts to distract her from her thoughts. Unknowingly, Toph subtly turns her head in the direction of the cupboard where she knows Uncle Iroh keeps a specific kind of drink.
She gulps.
Her throat suddenly feels unbearably dry.
A frantic knocking on the door snapped her from her reverie.
The Earthbender lets out a low cough as she straightens her back while the old general before her sets down the towel he was holding to answer their unexpected guest.
Voices reached her ears.
Some random citizens Toph's not familiar with showed up to ask Uncle Iroh a favor. Toph decided to blur their voices into murmur but temper pricked her chest when she failed to block the man's sobbing from reaching her ears.
Finishing her tea in a chug, Toph stood up and went to the window at the other side of the room. Sensing Uncle Iroh turns in her direction, Toph raises her hand to flick him a swift goodbye.
Sliding the window open, the Earthbender jumps off to escape.
She wanted to seek council about a matter but she guessed she could postpone that for some other time.
"Where were you?"
Katara was already waiting in her room when she got back. Already dressed for the ceremony that's about to take place in just a few hours. To Toph, Katara had always been beautiful, she exudes this gentle aura that is only unique to her wherever she goes. But today, she is even more splendid; Today the Waterbender stands dignified as she carries her nation's pride.
Even though the Fire Nation is well known for its dry and humid climate, Katara chose to wear the traditional garment of the Southern Water reserved for occasions such as this. Something Toph knew means very profoundly for the healer. Especially today. (Still, that didn't stop her from internally grimacing. Imagine how hot it must be underneath all those layers. Ugh. That must have been so uncomfortable.)
There is only one problem in this situation though: Everyone expects Toph to display the same grandeur.
Just thinking about the image they desire for her to conjure makes her teeth grind. And frankly, Toph would rather wrestle and throw giant boulders around than attend this gathering. Although, no matter how much she detests their expectations, and no matter how much formal gathering repulses her, Toph understands the significance of this one.
So, she will yield.
Just this once.
Today, along with her friends, she will attend the memorial ceremony as the people's beloved war hero— steadfast and enduring.
They represent the Republic now.
Any trace of weaknesses must be concealed. Even just a small crack will be deemed unforgivable.
May their efforts be enough to satisfy both the living and the dead.
Approaching the dress prepared for her, she answered Katara's previous question, "Just dropped by Uncle Iroh's tea shop."
Toph asked for the servants to keep it simple and she inwardly applauded their efforts to heed her request. Running her hands through the fabric, she confirms that they were tailored following Earth Kingdom's fashion. Goaling to be specific. Toph had worn these kinds of dresses before. Long robe, pleated skirt, and a few layers of outer garments.
She's used to wearing these back home.
Perhaps it's already a given that this piece of clothing would turn out as a work of art considering that they were made by the royal seamstresses, but Toph still can't help but be awed by the embroidery of this one.
However, what Toph found most intriguing is the design. Interestingly enough, they have chosen to adorn it with a floral motif: Peony.
She remembers that they bloom every summer at the foot of the mountains near her home. Toph recalls how sweet their smell was. Too sweet in her opinion. Their servants would adorn every corner of their mansion with it and Toph would sometimes hold her breath as she passed by to avoid inhaling their scent. She never liked how fragrant they were. Actually, she never really liked flowers. Her mother on the other hand is quite fond of them.
Toph withdraws her hands when the tip of her fingers accidentally traced a very familiar pattern of a flying boar.
"What for?" Katara inquires as she moves to stand beside her.
"Nothing," she paused, "just wanted to catch up."
Liar.
Toph internally chastised herself.
She could've simply said that she wanted to ask the old man to do something for her yet she immediately spun a lie about such a simple agenda. She wonders why the hell is it so excruciating for her to share something as insignificant as that.
"You could've said something beforehand. I'd been waiting for hours, you know?"
Toph turns at her.
Katara is obviously not offended. She was simply letting Toph know what she feels to teach her how to be sensitive to others. Just like how an older sister gently reprimands her younger siblings.
Why does this girl have to be so kind?
If she wasn't this lovely, she wouldn't have managed to sneak inside Toph's heart; Securing a place especially just for her. If she acted so horribly towards her, Toph didn't have to feel so bad. Because she didn't really mean to make that mistake. If only her heart obeys her commands.
Before Toph knows it, words quietly escaped from her mouth.
"I'm sorry."
Katara blinked in surprise.
Staring at Toph as if she had grown another head. After a while, the Waterbender smiled. Tucking a strand of her hair behind her ears.
Toph breaths a relieved laugh.
Finally, the girl's smile is a genuine one. Lately, the Waterbender scarcely grace people with grins that reach her ears. Because she too is experiencing the same turmoil as the rest of the empire.
"It's fine. Although, it's best for you to take a bath now," Katara says as she grabs her on both shoulders to escort her to the bathroom.
She allowed the girl to lead her without difficulty.
Once again, Katara is taken aback by how docile Toph is. It's worrying to have the Earhbender agree to do something she disdains without a fight. Something is wrong but the healer chooses not to comment. The Waterbender had learned that prying any information from the blind girl is as futile as waiting for the crows to turn white.
After an eternity of rubbing and scrubbing, they had finally got her into her dress. Toph doesn't want to brag (okay, okay, she does) but damn she can tell that she looks so good in it.
Katara gestured for her to sit down.
When she turns to select a hair ornament that would suit the Earthbender, Toph rubs the base of her neck. Is she coming down with a cold? Her throat feels a little too hoarse these days. She immediately drops her hand when she senses Katara turns back to continue her work.
A moment of silence passed between them. Her eyelids were starting to feel heavy when the Waterbender finally let out a pleased hum. She gently prompts Toph to stand up to admire her profile.
"You look wonderful, Toph." Katara says with a smile.
Toph grinned, "Nothing new, Sweet Cheeks"
The Waterbender laughs.
Linking her arms with Toph, Katara guides her out of the room, "C'mon. The sun is about to set; We must hurry."
A war can never be concluded without sacrifice.
Rows and rows of coffins are laid before them.
So many had perished. She recognized most of them despite not knowing their names. To some, she was the one who personally delivered their death... and perhaps there are many more to follow. The Earthbender sucked a breath. She refused to be swallowed by such thoughts. It will not end well if she dwells too much about them.
Toph ignores how the pit of her stomach churns as she scanned the ocean of caskets once again.
These are not all of them. These were only the soldiers, government officials, and some of the citizens. Toph knows this. After all, she is very much aware of the never-ending burials that have been happening these past few days. It's twice as devastating to know that she could only sense what's happening in the majority of Fire Nation's provinces. And Toph doesn't want to imagine what's going down in the other nations.
It took a full month before they succeeded in subduing the imperial's force. Because despite defeating the Phoenix King and capturing the crown princess, many of their allies refused to yield under the new reign of Fire Lord Zuko. Some of them even spitted when the return of the Avatar was officially announced to the world. (Toph didn't tell her friends but she actually cornered some of their enemies to personally beat the living shit out of them. They should've known their place. Did they really think that they could get away that easily after doing something as insolent as that? No one, absolutely no one, is allowed to disrespect anyone under her wings like that.)
Many of them still tried to stage a coup to turn the tides and it didn't really help that many nobles funded their cause. So it took a while to crush their revolts. It was not that difficult. Toph files those experiences under the same level of plucking weeds in a garden; Unchallenging yet immensely time-consuming.
Nonetheless, she supposes it quite entertaining that they think they can prevail with their lousy attempts.
Pfft.
As if that's going to happen under her watch.
Now that they have terminated all of the opposing force, stripped the power from the hands of the tyrants, and trialed the enablers of such abhorrent conducts, it's time to heal the wounds created by the hundred-year war.
The Avatar had made it apparent that they would heal together; including both the oppressed and the perpetrators.
'In unity, they shall bury the pain of the past and move forward to a new beginning', he says.
It is quite surreal to hear those words from someone who took most of the beating from this war.
Toph watches Aang wait for the last rays of the sun.
It's been a while since she last saw him. She's been avoiding him ever since she realizes he's the only one who can make her insides squirm. And Toph loathes that pleasant tingling in her chest.
It just feels so wrong... so dangerous.
And no, it's not the kind of danger that makes her blood rush with anticipation. Not the kind that makes her feel alive. Toph seeks that kind of danger; She laughs in the face of it.
This one is ominous.
It makes her hair stand on its ends as if she was a sitting duck in a lake full of monsters.
That obnoxious voice at the back of her mind tells her that she's making a mistake; That harboring feelings beyond friendship towards the Avatar will only bring bad things. Terrible things.
Besides, Toph can't really do that Katara.
She may not say it out loud but their friendship is something she doesn't want to risk in exchange for anything. Even more so for something as silly as feelings.
When the glowing halo disappeared over the horizon the Airbender began to murmur the prayers for the deceased, and the world fell even more silent. Aang conducted a series of complicated movements. He looked like he was doing a dance. He probably is. A ceremonial one.
She's not sure.
Toph wasn't really paying much attention. Her mind is off flying somewhere else until she picked up a change in his heartbeat.
Taking measured steps forward, the Avatar drop the talisman that he was holding down to a bowl of water set before him, "Let the water of heavens cleanse your souls," gesturing his hand he levitated it with soft surges of wind, "And may the gentle breeze unchain you from the burden of your regrets," setting it ablaze he continued, "Confess and repent, and the flames of the holy fire will purge your sins for you," blowing the cinders of what used to be a talisman he concluded his blessing for the departed, "and from ash to soil, you return."
Toph clenched her fist upon hearing those words.
She ignored the clogging behind her throat and instead strained her senses to listen to Aang's pulse. The Earthbender didn't like the sound of it. It's too quiet for someone like him. It was struggling to beat as if it is being dragged by agony.
With the signal from the Avatar, the Fire Lord commanded his troops to light off the torches around the courtyard. They will burn for twenty-one days in accordance with the Fire Nations tradition. They believe that it is necessary for the lights. According to them, the fire will guide the souls to a safe passage from the realms of the living to the land of the dead.
The coffins are now being lifted.
A procession from the palace to the sea will be done to give families more time to mourn for their dead. Once they finally reach their final destination, they will finally be sent off. And on the waters by arrows of fire, they will be properly sunk down to the bottom of the sea.
Toph finds it quite ironic that these dark times were started and ended with fire.
However, they will still return to earth.
Some of the corpses will not burn enough to completely disintegrate and their remains will eventually wash up to shores.
There they will rot.
Their flesh will melt as animals and insects feast upon–
A hand suddenly intertwined with hers.
She turned to Katara and found tears cascading down her beautiful face. Her friend's quiet weeping made the knots inside her gut twist tighter. Stepping closer towards her, she lets go of her hand to pull her by the shoulder.
Toph is never good with words and this is the best comfort she can offer her.
Her mind is really somewhere else because it took a few moments before she realized that she's no longer paying attention to Aang's heartbeat but Katara's. The rhythm of the Waterbender's heart thrums the same anthem the Avatar's heart is pulsating.
Only it was a beat later.
Toph ignored it when the sharp pain that's scratching the insides of her chest increased ten folds.
A sob wrenched from Katara as she stooped down to snuggle against her chest. Releasing a stiff sigh, Toph clutches her closer. The world can be cruel like this. They were all too young, too innocent, to witness such an event. None of them deserve to be punished with this kind of burden.
Before she knew it, Sokka and Suki were already by their side. Enveloping them both into an embrace. They too have tears welling at the corners of their eyes and she can tell that they were doing their best to hold themselves together.
Toph swallowed to fight that stinging behind her eyes.
She won't cry.
Not under the scrutiny of the public.
The truth is, Toph isn't really that strong. At least, not as much as how people make her seem to be. Because, unlike her friends, she's a coward who will never be brave enough to show her tears. And she hopes, she dares to hope, that after this, after all the things they have gone through, everything that needs to be laid to rest remains buried. Forever.
She escaped the moment they all let go of each other.
Toph silently made her way out before her friends could even say anything. The ceremony isn't even halfway through, she is quite aware of that. Many will raise their eyebrow upon her disappearance; Her absence will receive backlash but the Earthbender couldn't care less. She had enough. Anything more will be too much.
She doubled her steps to rush to a nearby tree.
Bracing herself against its trunk, Toph puked her guts out.
There goes her dinner.
Toph released a sigh as she straightened her back to tilt her head towards the sky to placate her nerves. Fighting that weird urge to send the universe a finger (she's not sure why but she had already made a habit out of it.) She wrinkled her nose in disgust when the pungent stench of her vomit made its way through her nose. There's a pounding on her head now but the churning of her stomach did lessen a little bit.
"Toph?"
She froze upon hearing a concerned voice.
Why does it always have to be him that caught her during times like this?
A firm hand swiftly places itself at her back to rub gentle circles to soothe her discomfort. Despite the pleasant sensation it provided, she pushed it away. Toph has now conditioned herself to repel any kind of physical interaction from him.
"The fuck are you doing here, Twink Toes? Shouldn't you be heading the ceremony?"
Aang steps back.
A little dumbfounded by her reaction.
"I should, but I manage to sneak out for a bit. I was about to join you guys when you suddenly left. I thought it would be best to follow you in case something's wrong. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
He furrowed his eyebrows, "I don't think you are."
"I am. Just ate something funny earlier."
"But–"
"I can take care of myself. No need to worry," she gave him a punch on the arm, "Besides, you shouldn't leave Zuko alone for long. He won't be able to handle this by himself."
Aang was about to protest when a member of Air Acolytes abruptly called for his attention in the distance.
"See? I told you so. How about just compensating for my absence with your presence so I could retire for the night?"
Even though he gave her a firm nod, the Airbender hesitated for a moment.
Toph waved a hand at him.
"Go," she commanded.
And Aang finally left, sparing her one last glance.
Confession time: Toph didn't retire for the night.
Instead, she wandered around a nearby forest. Walking around aimlessly. Perhaps trying her luck to find sleep. She had already discharged most of the layers of her clothing. Stripping down until she's only wearing the inner robe as she walks along. She'll try to find them later. That is if she feels bad. If.
Toph paused when she found herself in front of a lake. The moon isn't at its peak. In fact, it's already waning away. However, she felt that dark presence she only feels during full moons.
Strange.
Toph never sensed it linger before.
With furrowed brows, she wonders: Is she only being paranoid?
The silence of the lake sounded like it was taunting her. Taking a few steps forward, the Earthbender halted herself from stepping in the water when she heard a burst of laughter. She turned her head to where it came from and found a group of people goofing nearby.
Why are they here? She's pretty sure Fire Lord Zuko had provided them suitable accommodation within the palace.
The Earthbender didn't even get to finish that thought when a clinking of bottles granted her an explanation. They were having a party. In a place that closely resembles the place they usually dwell– somewhere they are much more comfortable.
Toph hasn't formally met them yet but she already knows who they are: They're the Foggy Swamp tribe.
The giant leaf hat and their peculiar choice of clothing were enough to give away their identity. and based on the bottles that are laying around them and how their words have slurs on them now they seem to be drinking for quite some time now.
One of them said something and again, they all hollered merrily.
She watched them in amusement for a while. It's admirable how they manage to find humor at times like these. Toph was about to turn to leave when one of them spotted her.
"Hey! Aren't you friends with the Avatar?"
She sighs.
She didn't want to talk to anybody right now.
"What are you doing here?" one of the women asked.
Toph only shrugged her shoulder, "Just walking around."
The old man that seems to be the leader of their group eyed her for a moment before he smiled, "I see, you're also here to escape the ceremony?"
"Yeah..."
"I'm Huu by the way. It's a pleasure to meet you. We're–"
"The Foggy Swamp Tribe. I know. We've met before during the Black Sun invasion."
"Ah! Yes! Yes! You remember!"
"Yep."
"Wanna join us?" a man who she recognizes offers her. If she remembers correctly his name is Tho and the one sitting beside him is Due.
Toph waved her hand, "Nah. Don't wanna crash your party."
"C'mon. Just for little! It'll be fun."
The old man –Huu– cheekily swished a bottle of liquor towards her and that caught her interest.
Toph will admit.
She's been curious about this drink and has been wanting to try it for quite some time. One of their servants back home had mentioned that it could temporarily distract you from your troubles. Pressing her lips in a thin line she thinks about it. She knows they're good people but still, they're strangers. Toph shouldn't easily hang around a crowd she barely knows.
When they all smiled expectantly at her Toph exhaled a defeated sigh.
She supposes it wouldn't be that bad to stay for a little while.
They all cheered when she slumped down in their circle. Huu threw a bottle towards her and the Earthbender caught it easily. Removing the cork, the smell of fermented molasses hit her in the face and Toph involuntarily scrunched her nose.
Damn. Should they really let a twelve-year-old girl drink rum? That didn't make her hesitate to chug it down though.
It was dry and bitter.
And Toph almost gagged at how awful it was.
She didn't like the taste but she did like how the alcohol burned her throat. So, Toph drank another gulp. They laughed at the disgusted look she's wearing.
"It's terrible at first but it'll get better."
Toph turned in Huu's direction.
The old man has a tone in his voice that tells her he isn't talking about the liquor.
She listened to the rest of the crowd as they went back to fooling around. They were smiling; blissfully enjoying each other's companion. Their laughter however seems weary, shaking as if they were about to break into sobs...Oh.
It took a while before Toph understood what's happening or why they offered for her to stay: They didn't want her or anybody to spend this day alone. Because this kind of grief—one marked by war— is something someone shouldn't shoulder alone.
Weird, now the rum tastes a little sweeter.
Shortly afterward, she found herself laughing at their little antics.
Deep down she knows they were all thinking the same thing: They were so goddamn glad that they were alive.
Fucking hell.
So this is the pain they call 'hangover'.
Toph grunted as she pushed herself up to reach for the water at her nightstand. Spirits! Bless the person who left the glass for her. Toph downed it like a man dying in thirst, finishing it up with just a few gulps.
She sighs when it did little to placate her thirst.
Keeping her eyes shut for a moment, she lets out a defeated sigh when she realizes that she probably needs an entire pool to rehydrate. And shit, her mouth tastes so foul. It smelled like a mouse died inside it (not that she knows how that really smells like.) With the kitchen in mind, Toph wobbly stood up, stumbling on her own feet when her knees gave in. Toph slaps herself to fight that vicious pounding that's throbbing on her head.
She's gonna get a lot of shit from Katara when she found out that she got drunk last night.
Not like Sweetness is wrong about that, Toph—despite being the greatest earthbender—is still just a kid. She has to be stopped from doing these kinds of things.
The swamp weirdos (yes those ones from the Foggy Swamp Tribe) somehow managed to taunt her into drinking a few more bottles of wine after that rum. The whole night passed by in a blur and she distinctly remembers Huu stopping her from drinking more when he noticed that she's starting to get drunk; Ordering Tho and Due to take her back in her room. For that, she mentally applauded them.
Recalling her memories from last night told her that she's not the only one who's wasted. She should feel bad for anyone who's experiencing the same situation she's experiencing right now but Toph is secretly relieved that she wasn't the only one who didn't want to be sober last night.
She hisses when another pounding hit her.
Last night was indeed amazing but still, fuck those guys and fuck herself too for falling into the temptation of that sinful liquor.
Seriously, Toph's never going to do that again (spoiler alert: she ate those words).
Her head feels like it's being split in half with how painful her headache is.
Despite the desire to rest for the day, Toph headed for the bathroom to get ready for the day. Because unfortunately for her, she and the dunderheads from the Earth Rumble have some work to do.
Toph was already by the door when she realized something: For the first time in a long time, she had a dreamless night.
The following evening, something unexpected happened; Toph woke up from the same nightmare of her drowning in her sleep.
She seethes in anger at the realization that it seems like she'll be plagued by that dream regardless of whatever the phase of the moon is from then on. She was right. She kept dreaming of dying again and again.
What changed however is that she's no longer the only one who's starring at her damned dream.
Sometimes it's her mother.
Sometimes it was her father.
One night, she found herself watching someone she doesn't know drown in her place. Brown locks. Blue dress. A pair of kind eyes.
Toph hated her.
She hated how that woman reminisces Katara's look.
After a week filled with night terrors, Toph finally gave up and went to the market to stock up bottles of wine. Her nightmares had been quiet since then.
She scowled at the building in front of them.
There is nothing really wrong with it. Its foundation is sturdy and its structure is quite remarkable but somehow she still finds it lacking.
"You guys call this work? I could do better when I was nine."
"Maybe we should–"
"Maybe you guys should actually start doing your job and stop wasting your time idling around."
Toph snapped at ex-Earth Rumble wrestlers.
They all shared an uneasy look. Slowly, they disperse to go back to what they were doing. But of course, these dunderheads wouldn't settle down without a passing remark.
"Maybe it's that time of the month for her," Hippo-boy grumbled under his breath.
He yelped in pain when Toph sent a wave of rocks towards him.
After watching them scurry away, the Earthbender slinks down her concrete chair. Massaging her temple she released a long, defeated sigh.
What the hell is wrong with her? Lately, Toph seems much more irritable. A very unusual thing for someone aloof like her. She doesn't know why but she keeps nitpicking about small, unnecessary things; Snapping over minor mistakes people make. Like a cranky old hag who is hated by the rest of the village.
"Damn. Toph Beifong is on a roll. Why are you so impatient these days?" she heard someone softly chuckles behind her.
She craned her head to the direction it came from.
"Sup, Fan-girl?"
Gesturing her hand, Toph erected a chair and a table made from earth. Suki eyed her as she sets down the tray of refreshments she was carrying. Suddenly pausing when she smelled a faint pungent musty odor when she stooped down.
"Toph..."
The Earthbender grunted.
"Were you drinking?"
She turned to scowl at the Kyoshi Warrior.
Does this girl have the nose of a wolf? Toph took a bath (woefully) this morning to wash off the smell of the alcohol.
"Toph–"
"It wasn't that much."
"You're only 13."
"13 and ½ actually. I'm turning 14 in a couple of months, remember?"
"That's not the point."
Toph stayed silent.
Suki's voice has a dangerous edge on it now.
Besides, there is no hope in her case, she's clearly wrong in this argument. The first time was excusable; she could just say that she was under adult supervision. But the leading ones? She can't reason her way out because if she did, she will have to confess that she needs alcohol to sleep. Of course, saying she can't sleep means divulging her nightmares. Nightmares Toph would rather suffer from than tell to somebody else.
Releasing a sigh, she waved a hand at her, "Fine. I won't do it again."
Suki seemed to notice the sudden shift in the Earthbender's mood. Something's definitely not right. Toph Beifong doesn't easily yield like that. With a worried expression, she scoots closer towards Toph, "Tell me, what's bothering you?"
The funeral down the street.
Her jaws tighten at that line of thought.
Toph stood up and shrugged her shoulders, "Nothing."
Suki's silence told her that she wasn't convinced by her answer.
The problem with Toph is that she finds it suffocating when people care too much.
The very next day, while she was getting ready, the door of her room flew open. Okay, it wasn't exactly the kind that goes 'bang!' but it was the abrupt kind that she immediately knows that she's in trouble.
Katara stood there, with a stern look.
Of course, Suki told her about the incident.
Deciding that the smart thing to do is to play dumb, Toph feigns a confused look, "Morning Sunshine. Need something?"
The Waterbender placed her hand on her hips. Clearly, she wasn't buying the Earthbender's impromptu performance, "I heard you'd been drinking?"
Realizing that her bullshit isn't going to work, Toph dropped her facade right away, "Yeah, I have."
Katara hated her answer.
"And why is that?"
"Because I wanted to."
"Toph–"
"And frankly," she turns to face Katara, "it's none of your business."
Toph took the stunned silence from the healer as an opportunity to escape. Storming out of the room to head where she should be–at the construction site downtown where they have to build more houses to provide new homes. As she expected, the Waterbender followed her shortly after.
Curiously, Katara wasn't fuming as she normally would. Instead, she silently matched the Earthbender's speed to walk beside her.
"It's not healthy."
She snorted, "Duh."
"You're–we're–too young to be drinking."
"Yep."
"If you know it then why are you doing it?"
" 'Cause you know," Toph paused on her steps to give the Waterebener a smirk as she motioned to herself, "teenage angst."
Katara shot her an irritated look.
It's clear that Toph isn't going to give any decent answer.
Despite falling into silence again, the healer continued to accompany her. The tension between the two benders is palpable. Even the servants sensed the impending storm between them as they scampered to give way to the benders who were making their way down the hall.
They were already at the palace's entrance when the Waterbender finally decided to utter some words.
"Is there something bothering you?"
Katara barely managed not to crash into her when Toph suddenly halted her steps. Crossing her arms, the Earthbender answered her question flatly, "Yes: You."
The healer frowned.
Displeased by the attitude she is exhibiting.
Katara released a quiet sigh, took a few steps towards her, and gave her a smile. She said something but Toph didn't catch it when she sensed something that sent a chill in her spine. A dark, awfully familiar presence lurking somewhere nearby. Whipping her head in its direction, it freezes. Then slowly, it recoiled back to where it came from: In the middle of the courtyard where a fountain stood impressively.
Why… Why is it here?
It's not even evening yet.
The sun is still up in the sky.
Toph swallowed the clogging in her throat as she ups her guard; She had this sudden urge not to be here.
"–Are you even listening?"
Katara's voice yanks her attention back to where it should be. Toph felt horrible when she realized that the Healer was trying her best to hide how upset she was. She wanted to say sorry but she just couldn't bring herself to say it twice to the same person. And... this place suddenly feels...treacherous.
She tried to square Katara's eyes.
Tried to shake that ugly feeling.
But she knows: It's still there.
Pinching the bridge of her nose to gather her wits, the Earthbender deemed that the least she could do is to be the one who concedes first.
"Look, Katara–" that softened the Waterbender a little bit "– I really have to go now. You know that we both have to be somewhere else, right? And don't worry about the drinking, I already stopped last night. Kept the rest of the wine stocked away; As I promised Suki yesterday."
Despite addressing Katara, Toph's attention is fixated on another matter.
It might be just her imagination, but the waters of the fountain sounded much more hostile than a minute ago.
She doesn't really want to stay here any longer.
Without giving Katara a chance to interrupt, Toph turned around, "If you really want to be sure you can take them away," she challenges her, " They're in the closet beside the window facing east. At the bottom shelve you will find a wooden box covered by a blanket. Feel free to take them anytime."
Unsurprisingly, Katara didn't let her go that easily.
The healer ran to catch her hands, " Toph... you know that I did come for that..."
If they were somewhere else, Toph would have tolerated the healer a bit more, but the suspicious sound of rippling water as if something is about to come out of it made her feel cornered.
Panic closed up her throat making her snap.
Snatching her hands from the Waterbender, Toph yelled, "Just drop it!"
Katara, startled, gawked at her.
Toph had never lost her temper like this before. Even if they are constantly clashing because of how different their personalities are, Toph is not one to lash out. Their arguments had long lost their heat. Or a least that's what the Waterbender thought. Because clearly, the venom in Toph's voice proves that she is wrong.
They stilled both of their bodies.
The air around them went rigid and the longer the silence stretched the strainer it got.
Toph balled her hands into fists when she picked up Katara's pulse. The Waterbender is doing her best to control her breathing; Calming herself down as she considers her next words. Katara knew that she had threaded a sensitive topic. She pressed the wrong button and has now forfeited any chances of making the blind girl talk. And for that, Toph is furious.
"Toph, I know you don't like it when people get involved with your personal stuff," her voice faltered, "but...it's just that… I'm just really worried about you."
Toph balled her fist, she hates how genuine Katara is.
The waters on the fountain are now calm.
That looming presence is no longer present.
The panic it brought slowly subsided but another kind of uneasiness claimed her chest. She's mad that she felt bad about losing her temper. Why is her conscience bugging her? All she wanted to do is to deal with her business alone. It's not like she asked for their help.
Toph pushed it off. Boxing her all of her emotions and burying them at the back of her mind. Continuing with her steps, she ignored Katara, as if she didn't heard anything the Waterbender had just said.
In her dreams, she sat on a corner of a dark cavern.
Staring at the gaping pit in front of her, she thought she must be inside of an endless maze.
She tried to figure out what she's doing in a place like this but found nothing but muddle memories. Happy but distant ones. And instead of cheering her up, they only made sadness trickle inside her. She banished them away. Thinking about them only made her heart hurts. So, she asked herself another question: Why is she still sitting here doing nothing?
Surely, there must be a way out?
She moved to stand but she couldn't.
A tug on her clothes made her look down and she discovered coils of vines were keeping her in place. She tried to open her mouth to demand for her to be released but she couldn't. Her lips are sealed. Tightly bound together.
Caged, gagged, and helpless.
What did she even do to deserve this?
A wicked laughter ring from deep within the pit. That voice finds her misery amusing. How cruel. Isn't he getting tired of this nonsense? She had the feeling that they have been doing this for a very, very long time now.
Then she felt her soulmark burn. Like how it always does once in a while. They're close. She knows. That person is searching for her again. But Toph killed the flicker of hope that rose in her chest. Because that pleasant warmth will eventually go away like it always does.
She was right.
The person who's supposed to be saving her only lingered for a moment. After a while, they retreated back to the world of the living.
Once again, they failed her.
If she have eyes she would've let the cavalcade of tears that are collecting inside her fall freely. But she doesn't. And it's terrifying to know that it's not the only thing that is accumulating in the depths of her soul.
Doing her best to make herself smaller, she curled to fend off the cold.
She hates this place.
Hates how this vicious darkness is slowly eating her up.
Because now, she's starting to resent the person she loves the most, and she couldn't find a single drop of remorse for feeling this unjust wrath.
Toph woke up with a start.
Sitting up, she thought about it, that dream... was new.
Lifting her hands, she rubs her face. Why does she feel so angry and sad right now? It was just a dream. Dreams shouldn't bother her this much.
Vaguely she remembered that she had a soulmark. Piecing together her recollections of her dreams, she tried to remember what part of her body was marked but it was futile. The only thing she could recall was the ghost of its warmth.
She huffed.
Ah, whatever.
Stupid people only dwell on stupid things.
Letting herself fall back on the bed, she forced that dream at the back of her mind. For a moment her irritation went away but then it all came back rushing when she realizes that she still feels so drained and worn out. This is very infuriating. She slept but didn't get any rest. Ridiculous.
Resigned, she lets out a sigh.
How exhausting.
Toph's feeling these surges of emotions she's unfamiliar with.
She supposes that she's actually quite sheltered than she previously thought. Fucking perfect. Toph is reconsidering her life choices once again.
The Earthbender hasn't seen any member of the Gaang for days now. Everyone's busy lending their hand the best way possible to help each nation get back on its feet. They unanimously decided that it is more efficient to split up; Moving individually to where each of them is needed the most.
It's for the best.
Besides, she didn't want to see any of them.
It might be a surprise to some, but Toph actually kept her promise. Like she had said, Toph had stopped drinking and kept away the remaining alcohol in her closet. At the expense of her sleep, unfortunately.
Katara had completely dropped the topic and disregarded the challenge Toph proposes for her to do. She suspected the Waterbender didn't even stray near the wines. Instead, the very evening of their argument, Toph found a stash of cinnamon roll-up when she got back. But unlike the first ones Katara baked for her, this batch was made with finer ingredients. And yet, it didn't even taste close to the ones she had before.
That night, the pastries taste like ash on her mouth.
And Toph knew the reason why.
Thus, the Earthbender is tired as shit from the lack of sleep and from the constant exertion of her strength to help rebuild their world.
Don't get her wrong though. Toph loves what she's doing. She's killing two birds with one stone after all. She gets to polish her Earthbending and display her talents in architectural design. Above all, the neverending work served enough to keep her mind occupied. Or else, she'll go insane during the daytime too.
However, it doesn't make it less tiring especially if you're doing it nonstop.
So, for today, Toph chose to do nothing.
It's quite uncharacteristic for her but Toph's been hiding in the room Zuko provided for her for almost a day now. She doesn't really approve of this kind of approach when it comes to confronting problems but she really finds it tiring dealing with people. Everyone's a bundle of emotions right now and Toph can't even handle her own much less someone else's.
Closing her eyes, Toph spread her arms to let herself sink deeper into her bed.
The thought of staying like this for the rest of the day is nice. If Toph could stay like this forever she really wouldn't mind.
A powerful gust of wind blew through the window. Rattling its frame and scattering some of the papers that are laying on the table. Oh right. She forgot about that; she's been meaning to send her parents a letter.
Toph is torn.
For her to be able to do that is to ask for someone's help. Meaning she has to bear her heart in front of someone. (And she decided to ignore the fact that the last one led for her to be kidnapped. See? She could be benevolent if she wanted to.)
That made her groan.
She wished there are other ways to learn reading and writing.
Maybe later, she'll go and visit Uncle Iroh once again.
Deciding to push that thought at the back of her mind, Toph ignored the mess and instead relished the coolness that brisked her skin.
Air.
Toph is also not that fond of that said element. She doesn't like how unpredictable it is. Sometimes it's just fresh and breezy. Other times it's wild and stormy. Above all, Toph loathes that she couldn't live for a second without it. Because that's what air is really about, isn't it? Obscure yet necessary. Toph just hates how she could hardly feel it until it's too late; It's always already upon her before she could even react.
Feeling a little woozy, Toph welcomed that familiar lull of sleep. She hopes that at least she'll get a decent one.
Toph already provided enough service, right? She already helped save the world and spent weeks building homes. It wouldn't be too much for her to ask for a little break, right?
Motherfucker.
Breathing a sigh, Toph props herself up when she sensed a pair of footsteps make their way to her room. Before the servant could even raise her hand to knock on the other side of the door Toph interrupted her; Saving her the trouble.
"Tell that I'll be there in a minute," the Earthbender grunted.
Startled the servant stammered a 'yes, Ms. Beifong' before scurrying away.
Toph took her time preparing.
What? They're the ones who showed up without prior notice.
After leisurely fixing herself in hopes of annoying whoever's waiting for her, Toph sauntered through the hall, where her guest is.
"The hell do you want, Twinkle Toes?" she asks as she enters the room.
Her irritation seeping through her voice.
Aang jerks in surprise. Jumping off the balcony's ledge where he chooses to sit. Toph wanted to hammer herself with a mountain when her heart did a somersault when Aang gave her a toothy grin.
"Hey, Toph… Sorry, but we need more manpower to build some of the bridges and roads that were destroyed. I was hoping you could help us? We need routes where merchants can safely pass through because the grains and other resources are depleting quite rapidly." he explains as he walks to where she is.
Toph crosses her arms.
Aang has changed.
After his final battle with the Phoenix King, he became calmer and stoic. Despite carrying that usual goofiness, Toph can now feel a sense of tranquility in him. An air of serenity surrounds him now.
It's not really helping her situation that he finds him even more captivating than ever.
There is it again.
Her heart thrumming erratically and that dreadful silver of ice lining the insides of her stomach that shortly follows.
The line of how and why she caught some feelings for him is unclear. All she knows is that it was too late before she knew it. Ever since then, Toph had been trying her best hard to crawl out of this rabbit hole.
She argues to herself that she doesn't actually harbor any kind of romantic feelings for him.
That maybe, just maybe, she's just confused.
Toph really hopes that's the case.
That whatever this is that's stirring inside her is not something serious. Her guts are telling her that she's missing one simple, critical piece of information. That this isn't just about her having feelings for him. That something else is going on.
"Ummm...Toph?"
Aang tilted his head to the side.
Cursing herself, the Earthbender forces herself to respond, "Alright. If it's going to make you stop bothering me, why not?"
Toph's kinda relieved to know that Aang still pouts whenever he's upset.
They finished rebuilding the road within just a few hours. It's not that surprising knowing that they have the one and only Metalbender in the entire world at their expense. It would be shameful otherwise.
Deciding that she'll look around while waiting for Aang to take care of the diplomatic whatnot, Toph stealthy made her way through the crowd. The Earthbender tugged her cape to hide her face. The weather is unbearably humid and wearing such apparel only made her sweat furiously but Toph didn't want anyone to recognize her. She never knew being a war hero can be this tiring. After all, she once did her best to hold the spotlight.
Straining her senses to dull down into a smaller-scale, Toph tried to disregard the freshly dug swellings at the foot of a nearby mountain. It was the third graveyard they encountered today. All of them are new ones. Don't ask why she's keeping tabs, Toph's not sure either. Only the Spirits know why.
She stirred her attention to the nearby stalls.
Despite the subdued atmosphere, the people kept doing their daily routine. Toph supposes that's just how life is; you just simply keep on living. A particular shop caught her attention. She took a few moments to reconsider before tentatively entering the building.
Turning to the counter Toph found no one attending.
A person's watering the garden behind the store though. So, she intruded without remorse. It was clear that this place hasn't operated for a while. The thin layer of dust says so. Nevertheless, everything was meticulously organized.
A variety of parchment papers and stationary were neatly arranged in the cabinets. Exquisite brushes and tablets of inks were also displayed. Toph opted to approach the section where the paper envelopes were. It seems to be embedded with patterns and it was excuding sweet floral scents.
Toph thought about it for a while.
Whatever. If she's going to write a letter to her parents she might as well put a little effort into it.
Toph reached for an envelope that suited her taste but paused when she felt a shovel hit the ground; Someone's laying the dead on the ground again. The hair at the back of her neck prickled when she felt clumps of bugs and worms wriggle their way through the casket sleeping next to it.
"Can I help you, Miss?"
A familiar voice of a woman pulled her from her trance.
She was a petite woman whose hair was tied into a low braid. Probably is in her mid-forties. The Earthbender could tell that she's not a native of the Fire Nation, as she stands in a posture that Toph finds unique only to the people of the Earth Kingdom. She must be one of those who were colonized. Her most notable feature however is that she was missing an ear.
Toph is sure she met her before.
The woman also paused when the Earthbender turned in her direction. She lets out a chuckle as she opens a cabinet to grab a ceramic tobacco pipe. Grinning, the woman finally speaks before bringing the mouthpiece to her lips, "We've met again, Young Lady. It seems like destiny chooses for our paths to cross again."
Ah, Toph remembers her now.
She's that seer that tried to scam her parents.
"Physic Chick."
The woman raised her eyebrows in amusement as she lit her pipe with a match.
Regarding her profile for a minute, Toph raised the envelope, "You have scented papers to pair with this?"
"Yes. Do you have a specific scent in mind?"
Toph didn't immediately answer. Internally debating whether she should get what on her mind or not. Regretfully, her conscience won.
"Ponies."
The woman lets out a hum as she turns back to get the said item. Sliding it on the table, she says with a smile, "Lucky you. This is our last pad."
"I'll take it," Toph sets down a gold coin, "Keep the change."
She felt the woman take a drag as she eyes Toph, "Didn't peg you as someone who likes flowers."
"I don't."
"What a coincidence, the same goes for me."
Toph raised an eyebrow as she jabs a thumb towards a pot of flower that's displayed on the counter, "This contradicts your statements though."
The Seer was quiet for a bit.
A rueful smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, "Indeed. But someone very dear to me likes them. So, I keep some around."
When Toph didn't say anything the woman decided to stir the conversation about her. Pointing the pipe she was holding at her customer, she asks, "Does your parents approve of this lifestyle of yours?"
"That is none of your business."
"I see…" glancing at the items Toph bought she grinned, "So, that's what they are for."
Toph crossed her arms and ignored her comment. The woman, on the other hand, went to fetch some paper to wrap her purchase.
"So, you sell dead, flattened trees now? What happened? Got tired of scamming via crystals?" Toph asks as she leaned against the counter.
Taking a break to blow a puff of smoke, the Seer smirks, "Nah. It's much more fun to watch people oggle on minerals."
Toph snorted.
Sliding the parcel towards the Earthbender, she asked the question Toph was expecting her to inquire once more, "Would you allow me to finish reading your palm?"
The Earthbender answered in disdain, "No thanks. I ain't nobody's guinea pig."
"What a shame."
Gesturing around, the Earthbender asks, "So this is, like, a part-time job?"
The woman didn't respond. Instead, she studied Toph for a while. Quietly observing the Earthbend as she smokes. Frowning, Toph pushes herself up to walk around the store. She doesn't really like to be under someone's scrutiny.
A few more minutes lapsed before the woman decided to speak again.
"No. My son owns this," she pauses to correct herself, "used to."
That made her halt.
Toph turned her head in the woman's direction.
"He was a good man."
Was.
So he's no longer alive.
Toph doesn't like how this conversation is turning. Stalking closer to where the woman is, Toph schooled her face into an indifferent one as she thinks of a way to end this exchange.
To her dismay, the Seer continued.
The woman seems to be gazing in the distance, "That child has a heart of gold. Rarely got into fights. He's as stubborn as mule though. Once he sets his mind into doing something there's no stopping him from doing it…"
Toph kept her lips pressed in a line.
She knows that tone.
Katara uses a similar fond voice whenever she's recalling a memory.
Great.
Now Toph can't storm out like she's planning to or else she's going to cement her reputation of being a world-class asshole.
"I suppose that was his fatal flaw. Look at where it led him—his demise. I told him that it is wise to escape with me, I told him that the stars did not align with the Fire Lord, but he refused to listen. He said he wanted to serve his nation..." Her lips quivered and she lifts a hand to press her mouth with her fingers, "I don't want a brave son... I have no use for an honorable corpse... I need... I need my son alive..."
Somehow, Toph could picture her mother uttering those words. Weeping in her room. Waiting for her daughter to return.
How unnecessary, why did this woman need to rattle memories?
As if this situation isn't dreadful enough, the Seer continued to gauge her old wounds.
If Toph just knew what's about to happen in the next few moments, she would've left the store without bothering whether it's decent to show courtesy or not.
To say that she wasn't prepared to hear the woman's next words is an understatement. Like in any peculiar moments, she felt it first before she heard it. There was an electric heaviness in the air, like just before a flash of lightning unleashes its fury.
With a voice full of unshed tears and unvoiced grudge, the woman quietly continued, "It's quite unclear but the airship he was boarding crashed..."
An airship...?
The Earthbender almost gagged a hysterical laugh.
What? Wait. What?! What kind of a sick joke this is?! That can't be! She cant be the one responsible for his death too! Even so, even if there's a one in a million chance her son is indeed inside of one of the airships they destroyed, they made sure to take them down as safely as they could. They even dropped most of the soldiers to the ocean how–
"He had always been reluctant towards the water. So, he never bothered to learn how to swim... If only he...he learned... he wouldn't have..."
Drowned.
Toph went numb.
It was unspoken but that word hangs in the air like a guillotine above her head.
The churning inside her stomach is back again. This time with greater vengeance. Suddenly she's very much aware that a casket of meat is slowly decaying underneath the tree of the backyard of this store.
Of course, some of them couldn't. How could Toph forget that? She herself doesn't know how to swim. The feeling of drowning in her dreams washed over her; how she gasped for air; how she desperately tried to fail her arms in hopes of not getting dragged at the bottom of the ocean; how slow and excruciating that death is.
Vomited gurgled disgustingly at the back of her throat.
Toph can't believe it.
She subjected someone to that same cruel fate.
Clenching her jaws, Toph picked up the items she brought.
Entering this store was a mistake.
The woman must have sensed a shift in the Earthbender as she stops reminiscing to ask her if she's alright.
"Young Lady? Are you al..."
The Seer's words fell into deaf ears.
Her voice was gradually drowned by Toph's heartbeat pulsing in dread.
With the woman's eyes burning at the back of her head, Toph walked out of the store without looking back. When she was far enough, she started gaining speed. Bumping into some of the people who were passing by. The Earthbender didn't stop nor looked back to apologize.
All she wanted to do is to get out of this place.
It was all too much: The sound of the earth; The noise of its people; And the pounding in her head.
Someone called her.
She stumbled when a hand suddenly grabbed her by the arm.
"Toph! Where are you going? What's wrong?"
Aang's mouth is moving but Toph can't hear any words.
There's only that rushing in her head and it's thundering so loud that she thinks her ears might bleed. A white-hot lump of anger expanded in her chest—that suffocating swell of worry and bitterness that she'd been carrying around since the day of the ceremony is threatening to explode.
These damned feelings! Why can't they all just go away? And this boy in front of her is only making it worse!
She hates this.
She really, really fucking hates this.
And fucking hell! Her heart had the audacity to leap in joy upon his arrival! She shouldn't be relieved he's by her side!
Toph gritted her teeth. 'Fuck you!' She swallowed the words that were burning at the back of her throat, instead, she violently wrenched herself from his grip.
She swore an oath!
She promised that she'll never love him again—
Her eyes widen in terror.
An echo of the past invaded her mind all too suddenly:
"Alright, my dear. A deal it is... In exchange for your freedom, I want something precious in return."
It was only a memory, but hearing that voice dripping with malice again already makes her knees buckle.
Aang went rigid too.
Toph sensed it: He saw something in her face. And as if her thoughts had broken an unseen seal, they both felt an odd chill in the air.
Fear flickered in Aang's eyes.
Both of their senses screamed danger.
Toph had this feeling that he felt it too. Someone–something–is looking at her right now. Slowly clawing its way up deep within a burrow; Ready to hunt her down.
At that, the earth rumbled.
A warning.
Instantly, Toph knew: She had to get away.
Stepping back, the Earthbender managed to choke, "I...I want to go back."
With worry etching on his face, Aang tried to reach out for her, "Okay, let me just fetch Appa–"
"Alone."
"W-what? That doesn't seem a good idea–"
"I'm going back alone," Toph slowly repeated her words before swerving around to sprint, leaving Aang in the dust.
The fear that is surging in her veins right now is driving her mad.
Aside from the ice that had formed in her guts, there's a crushing weight that's resting heavily on her chest: Guilt.
The guilt of running away; That if something ever happened to her parents she wasn't there to protect them. The guilt that she actually killed people; People loved preciously by others. And the guilt that she had fallen in love with the Avatar; Somehow, in some way, she knows that she had unintentionally betrayed Katara.
Toph made a grievous mistake and her judgment is now on its way.
Like the idiot that she is, Toph willingly hammered the nails on her own coffin strike after strike.
Of course, that damned thing will choose the moment she's at her weakest to attack. She should've kept her guard strong and impenetrable. Kept people at bay. No matter who they are or what they are to her. She should've not indulged her heart's desire. It made her weak! And being weak is too dangerous.
Her hands and her feet feel numb.
Everything feels so cold.
So, so cold.
Toph had felt this kind of emptiness before. Trapped by this kind of helplessness before. She had given up everything to escape that place and she will do it again a thousand times if she had to. Even if that means that she has to sell her soul. Again.
Because if nobody can save her then she will save herself!
So, without a destination in mind, Toph ran and ran and ran. She didn't stop even if her lungs were begging for a breath of air or even if her legs were blistering in pain.
Toph just knew she had to get away or else he would find her.
And she doesn't know if she's brave enough to face the ghosts he will bring along if he ever caught her the second time.
End of Chapter
Disclaimer: I'm just simply borrowing the Characters from Avatar: The Last Airbender. All credits go to its creators Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko.
A/N: ATLA was considerably much more child-friendly than LOK. As a result, I think the creator didn't get the opportunity to emphasize how dark the experiences the Gaang had gone through. I mean, bruh. They were only teenagers and they were already war heroes. And if you think about it, that's kinda messed up. So, I decided to dedicate this chapter to exploring how war could deeply scar a person and how it could make old wounds resurface.
Feel free to call me out in case you spot something inappropriate regarding the topic.
Again, thank you for reading!
(p.s. Also, I'm currently swamped with schoolwork. So, I'm not sure when will I'll be able to update again. Don't worry I won't abandon this story though. The plot for this fic is already finished, I just need to write it down.
Still, forgive me if won't be able to show up for a while.)